I am in the market for a pair of black loafers to wear with jeans and a nice jumper all winter. I think I like the chunkier ones (à la Claudia winkleman traitors) but there seems to be such a fine line between Claudia and Kickers school shoes in the early 2000s…

my budget is 200£ for the right pair but I’d rather spend less obviously. Has anyone seen anything like this?

some ideas attached. The coach ones might be too chunky…

Not my story but someone else’s - two close family members involved. One had lent a large sum of money (five figure sum is all I know) to help them out financially due to a horribly expensive divorce.

there has been a fall out due to lending party asking for interest on loan as the loan will take a long time to pay back and lender is considering their financial situation and future inflation etc.

both parties single so no other people to rely on really financially. Lot of tension now.

being unreasonable - the lender, it’s family.

not being unreasonable - borrower, family member is doing a big favour here and is being very careful with the coffers.

I know my thoughts but love to hear others!

Like pretty much everyone on S&B I've been despairing of the quality of M&S knickers these days. I would like to extend this despair also to socks and t-shirts. Everything is poor quality fabric and just doesn't last very long.

I need to get new knickers, socks, comfortable jogging bottoms (not leggings!), t-shirts. Just the basics but I'm finding that my usual purchases are not lasting well. For example, I have M&S pants bought ten years ago that are better quality than some bought last year. Same with socks - they just go holey within a year.

Does anyone have any recommendations? My Instagram algorithm is now giving me lots of small, British makers but I have no idea whether they are any good. Would love some recommendations of brands where it's actually worth spending the money!

We’re going to an organised night at a very swanky club in the US

bearing in mind I haven’t been into a club in about 25 years, I’m 51, slim, tall, have cowboy boots, won’t wear heels

what the hell am I going to wear

(temp will be about 20 degrees)

She's 4 and last night I noticed her eyelids were a purple/blue color no idea if this is normal :(

I’ve lost 40lb since January.

My breasts are feeling really strange. Knowing what the glandular tissue in breasts looks like in a diagram, I think it’s just that. I bf for 5 years but that was 17 years ago now. I had a lump about 10 years ago and a mammogram was inconclusive then as there was still a lot of glandular tissue.

Is this lumpiness just fat loss leaving behind just the glandular tissue? I’m contemplating a GP visit for a check but it’s symmetrical on both sides so I’m fairly confident it’s normal…

Anyone else had the same?

Solely a moan thread. I pull him up on everything and all the time, I don’t suffer in silence, he doesn’t get away with things. But some days I just want to scream.

DH has been nothing but an absolute pain in the arse, as he usually is on ‘event’ days (Easter, Christmas, Halloween, birthdays).

His entire ‘contribution’ to Halloween has been: inviting his friends and their DC round for a picnic tea and trick or treating, and carving the pumpkins (while I supervise chaotic toddler and older child).

Mine has been: sourcing costumes (from Vinted and in advance as I don’t want to spend £40 on costumes to be worn once by growing kids). Finding a pumpkin patch, checking the opening times, just small things like pointing out DC needed their wellies on and not trainers, all the organising and sorting. Finding old towels for the pumpkin carving, making sure we have the picnic food in. Actually cleaning the house a bit before everyone arrives. Buying tickets to a Halloween disco the kids are going to this afternoon. All the shitty grunt work.

At every turn I’ve had to remind him of the most basic things, and reminded him of starting times, and pointed out you can’t invite friends round to a house covered in crumbs, an overflowing nappy bin and kitchen floor covered in dog hair, made him get involved with cleaning up. He’s muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes and snapped at me the entire time.

The final straw has been he has ‘lost’ my Halloween costume, so now I have nothing. He’s denying losing it but I put it somewhere v specific because I KNEW this would happen, and somehow he’s managed it. After losing my costume, he moaned about me breaking into the pile of junk food he just brought back from the shop (I ate 1 Halloween themed Jaffa cake bar out of about 15 bags of crap).

Before everyone asks what he brings to the party, he religiously does the same tasks every day (walks the dog, cleans the kitchen, unstacks the dishwasher, takes the bins out, hoovers etc). He isn’t ‘lazy’ as such, it’s just like anything outside this core of repetitive tasks just doesn’t occur to him, then he flails at last minute. If it wasn’t for me all special events would be an absolute let down.

Just needed a vent. From a costume-less witch, who feels tempted to put a hex on him.

So I am really not a big coat person. Apart from a short waterproof badged with my club that I wear when my summer officiating role includes a rainy day, I own one coat – a 5yo Seasalt rainproof coat with a hood and a cosy lining.

The main times I am outdoors tbh in cold or rain are a) watching DS play his sport or b) when I am out at an event (Christmas craft fair, trip to concert or theatre) or on a winter city break where I use public transport. Otherwise I drive to work (not accessible any other way unless you live close enough to walk).

Maybe that's it. I mean I think of myself as a coat refuser but even I wore one to work yesterday – it’s almost November, chilly and possibly rainy. But when I put it on the coat stand and then took it off at the end of the day, there was only one other coat there.

So do Gen Zs and Millennials (I am neither but there are lots at my work) just not wear coats any more? Any thoughts?

My dashund ate a paper cupcake case will he be okay ?

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

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Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

I live on a small lovely street. Nice mix of ages.
The rule for Halloween on our street has been "pumpkin outside - knock here for sweets" . Allowing those not wanting spooky ghouls at their door to have a quietish evening.

Is this the rule near you?

In recent years our street is named on Facebook posts as the place to be.... (fucking stop it - we dont want everyone here) It's crazy on our street. Its no longer the local streets nearby - but driving miles for a fucking Chewit.

The pumpkin rule is ignored.
Guess its not a known rule..?

And that really pisses me off. There's lots of reasons why people don't want hoards of groups ringing their doorbell for the evening.

I salute my neighbour who diligently eats her Ferarocho chocolates, saves the wrappers, pops in cherry tomatoes and hands the box round.

I saw a coat on the website last night with 20% off. Didn’t spot the online only restriction on the offer and thought that as I’d be passing a large M&S today I would pop in and try it on first. This was partly down to the reviews saying it came up big so I wasn’t sure what size to order.

Sure enough, despite normally wearing a size 12, it was the size 8 that fitted 🙄

i couldn’t see the 20% reduction applied and when I asked at the till was told I’d need to order it online and get it delivered to my home or collect from a store. I couldn’t just order it online and take the one from the store I was in though. Apparently the 20% off coats is online only as the offer in store is for 20% off knitwear.

What on earth is the thinking behind this? It wouldn’t be so bad if their sizing was reliable - if I’d ordered my normal size online I’d have had to send it straight back.

I miss the days of the old sparks card and the 20% off offers that were both online and in store. They’re just over complicating things now and I can’t for the life of me work out who thinks this is a sensible business model.

Needed to get all that off my chest!

I try to get out for walk or run every morning. It’s a rural area so people tend to stop to chat if they meet me and most of them are very nice but there are a few who make me feel really awkward with their comments. They’re all older men. Two of them live along the route I have to take to go anywhere so can’t be avoided completely. I’m not good at smalltalk anyway but I haven’t got a clue what to say in situations like this.

It started with comments about my legs because I was wearing shorts in the summer. Nothing nasty, just things like ‘You’ve a great pair of legs on you’. Then when I was wearing jeans it was ‘Nice ass’. Then silly things like ‘It’s getting colder, let me know if you need someone to keep you warm at night’. I just laughed this off. There’s one man who now seems to always be outside as I go past and he insists on stopping to chat, often holding me up for ages. A while back he was talking about how he was having trouble sleeping and asked if I did too. I said no, I’m lucky that I sleep well. Then he said ‘I bet you could help me sleep better too’ while grabbing the buckle of his belt and pulling it upwards. It’s hard to describe properly but it really felt like some sort of sexual gesture. Another day he was talking about how he had a lot of work to do and he wished he had my energy. I said something about how I had plenty of work to do too but he kept rambling on and said ‘All this energy you have during the day, what about at night? Does it last all night too, ha ha?’ while smirking at me. I couldn’t make any sense of this until long after the conversation had ended so didn’t know how to respond in the moment.

I know none of these are overtly sexual comments but they’re enough to make things uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say to them. It seems like no matter what the conversation is about or what I say, they will turn it into something weird like this. All the creepy men were hard enough to deal with when I was a teenager but I genuinely thought it would stop as I got older. I’m definitely older now but I’m starting to think it never stops. The creeps just get older. I’m really fed up with it. Is this just something us women have to learn to deal with? Any advice about what to say/do in these situations would be helpful.

As well as my poor dad's life and my sisters too. Mum would have hated this.

Over the last 8 years my thoughts have always been for my dear mum, I have gone out of my way to help her on this dreadful journey because she was the best mother but it's taken a massive chunk out of my life and I will never get that back.

I know that I somehow need to shelve this thought process but I now live in complete fear of getting this evil disease. I feel that witnessing what this does to people has left me with a kind of ptsd, sorry if that seems overdramatic but it's genuinely how I feel right now. I don't want my brain's functions to be slowly eradicated, to lose the ability to communicate my most basic needs, to end up double incontinent and have to rely on other people to do the most personal of personal care for me.

Mum has just come back from a two week respite stay in a care home and that experience has terrified me even further. The home was lovely with great reviews, a great QCC rating and decorated homely and cheerily but was the most depressing place I have ever been in simply because it was full of (sorry to say), zombies.....men and women who used to have jobs, friends and social lives. These people once raised children and kept households, travelled and did 'stuff' without giving it much thought but now there is no life left in them, just their shells. They need help walking back to their rooms because for the umpteenth time that day they have forgotten where they live and who they are adn are just wandering. Having to be hand fed, toileted and put to bed like young children. It was heartbreaking and terrifying at the same time. I sat next to a lady yesterday who was at the table just shovelling custard in her mouth as though she was a robot, there was no life in her eyes, I smiled and spoke to her but there was nothing there, she was just staring into space whilst spoon went to bowl and to mouth again and again as though she was pre-programmed to do so. I wanted to weep for that poor lady.

Mum was diagnosed in 2018 and since that time I have nothing positive or encouraging to say about dementia and will now live the rest of my life in fear. Every time I forget a name and struggle to find a word, mislay something or repeat a story a flash of panic will overwhelm me and sink me that little bit further into the fear. I am currently in counselling but it won't help me erase the fear because unlike those who have never had the misfortune to see what dementia does, I have and it terrifies me.

I know that no disease is fun but dementia is just insidious and heartbreaking.

I had a slightly awkward experience at the supermarket today and would genuinely like to hear what people in the UK think.
It was around lunchtime on a Saturday, and the supermarket was really busy, with quite a long queue for the self-checkouts.
The person in front of me had a fairly large shop. As they scanned their items, they took their time packing everything into bags, repeatedly hesitating and changing their mind about which items should go where.
I didn’t really mind that, as everyone has their own pace.
However, after scanning all their items, they still didn’t pay. Instead, they continued taking their time rearranging everything in their bags, while occupying the checkout and holding up the queue.
At that point, I said: “Could you please pay first? We’re in a rush.”
I wasn’t asking them to stop packing altogether. I just thought they could pay first and then move aside to finish packing, so the next person could use the checkout.
Now I’m wondering whether what I said was considered rude or impolite by British standards.
What’s the general etiquette at self-checkouts in the UK, especially when the supermarket is really busy? Was I being unreasonable, or was my request perfectly fair?
I’d genuinely appreciate honest opinions, even if you think I was in the wrong.

Firstly, this is a NC for privacy. Secondly, it's not a brag, I'm genuinely interested in other (genuine!) opinions, and for that reason I'm not going into finer details. Thirdly, I'm not looking for savings/investment advice, more the opposite I suppose!

OK, prelims over. I'm retired, in my mid 60s (so hopefully plenty more years of health and foreign travel to come) and have more money and pension income than I need. (I know I'm lucky; but I had years of being very broke and learned thrifty habits which have stood me in good stead. Plus every penny I have, I worked for). I'm in the position of still being able to save a fair proportion of my money each month, without really having any reason to.

If you were in this position, how would you prioritise your money?

So as not to drip feed - out of choice, my LTP and I don't live together.
I have no debts at all. I own my house.
I have one child to whom I've already gifted a 6-figure sum so they are mortgage free.
I have small grandchildren; I could invest for them but I'm not sure that the amount I'd be happy to give, divided between them, would be enough to make a difference to them in 20+ years' time but might make me a difference to me as I age. Neither could I realistically afford private school fees for all. On balance I would rather my child made the financial decisions and provision for the grandchildren.
I have made my will, LPoA etc.
I may downsize at some point but I don't live in a mansion and there seems no rush to do so - If I do, that will only give me more cash anyway!
I don't have anything put by specifically for care as I age, but I could move into the most expensive care home in this town tomorrow and my savings and investments would cover 10 or more years of care before the house had to be sold. My mother and grandmother both lived independently into their 90s!

I could definitely spend more on holidays and on my house but I never really feel comfortable blowing large sums of money. And my partner doesn't like to travel, otherwise I'd go away a lot more.

What would you do if you were me? How much financial cushion would you want for yourself?

DS has unfortunately woken up today feeling ill and he's been sick a few times. I am not letting him out trick or treating in his condition, obviously. It's rotten luck and he's of course disappointed.

His older sister will be going round the neighbourhood with her friends. Do you think it would be OK for her to ask for one for her ill brother as well, to have when he's feeling better? I'm not sure if it's rude or not or people might think she was taking the piss?

Or I could ask her to share what she gets as it's always an awful lot but that doesn't seem all that fair to her.

I know I could just buy him a load of sweets but part of the fun is getting such a wide selection from all the different houses and he's already going to miss the main fun of dressing up and going round in the dark seeing all the decorations. But I will just do this for him if it's the best option?

What do you reckon?

My son has adhd, has trouble falling asleep and is a night owl. Combine that with lack of organisational skills and it produces a very stressful situation.
He is nearly 16. He finds it very hard to fall asleep. But once he goes to sleep , doesnt matter what time, it could be 11pm or 3am, he cannot wake up the next day.

If I left him he could sleep 15 hours easily. And even then its like trying to wake someone who is unconscious.
Its always been bad but its got much worse this past 12 months. He has to catch a school bus. He regularly misses it. If he does manage to catch it that involves a hugely stressful hour before hand, whilst im also trying to get myself ready and other children. I then have to drive him to the bus stop with seconds to spare. If he misses it I then need to take my other kids to school and then drive him to school afterwards making him over an hour late.
The stress this causes me is massive. It makes me ill. I cry almost every morning and once hes actually in school it takes me a good 2 to 3 hours for my nervous system to calm down. This is every single day.
Please dont tell me to try things like open his curtains, remove his duvet etc, nothing works, he is UNCONSCIOUS.

At night hes a different person. Lively and chilled and can talk about plans for the next morning.
Its half term and weve arranged to see family today at 12. He happily told me to wake him at 8am this morning.
This morning comes, woke him at 8am, its now 10.45am and hes still in bed. Everything has become so difficult because of this.

Hes also missing out on experiences with his friends. Hes very social and he sees them evening time, but they have all been out together during the day and hes asleep!!

After school comes college next year. The college for him to attend is 2 bus journeys away. His bus leaves at 7.10am.
His current bus leaves at 8am and he cant manage that.

Then comes jobs after that and him living independently. How would he ever get himself up? How would he hold down a job? It worries me sick!! There are plenty of medications to help them sleep but nothing to help them wake up!!

Its got to bad ive had to give up my job. I worked in a school myself. He was making me late every day. The choice was between me going to work and him never going to school, or me doing everything i could to get him to school and then being 2 hours late for work!!

What do we do?

I don't know any more! Casual office, jeans ok . I usually wear dark blue ones. None of my winter clothes fit and I didn't even realise I'd put on so much weight over the summer 😫will it be forgiving or is it just too old fashioned?

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5594538-welcome-to-the-castle-when-your-fears-subside-and-the-shadows-still-remain-2026-celebrity-traitors-thread-7-tv-pace?page=1

This is a post-Final thread so if you haven’t seen it do not read on!

Finalists
Maya Jama (Traitor)
King Kenny (recruited Traitor)
James Blunt
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Romesh Ranganathan
Sebastian Croft

Murdered
Amol Rajan
Bella Ramsey
Rob Beckett
RossKemp
Miranda Hart
Sharon Rooney
Michael Sheen

Banished
Richard E Grant (Traitor)
Myha’la
Julie Hesmondhalgh
Professor Hannah Fry (recruited Traitor)
Joe Lycett
Jerry Hall
Joanne McNally
James Acaster (recruited Traitor)
Maya Jama (Traitor)

For these that want to keep up with Claudia’s outfits: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a73628412/celebrity-traitors-claudia-winkleman-outfits/

Oh my god, how did you lot fill that last thread up so fast?!

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5592483-welcome-to-the-castle-we-got-everything-you-wantwe-know-the-names-2026-celebrity-traitors-thread-6-tv-pace?page=1

This is a tv pace thread so make sure you’re up to date with the live broadcast and yes, previous series (regular and celeb) will be discussed!

Please no spoilers if you read them online!

The story so far (as at end of episode 9)

Traitors (still active)
Maya Jama
King Kenny (recruited)

Faithful
James Blunt
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Michael Sheen
Romesh Ranganathan
Sebastian Croft

Murdered
Amol Rajan
Bella Ramsey
Rob Beckett
RossKemp
Miranda Hart

Sharon Rooney

Banished
Richard E Grant (Traitor)
Myha’la
Julie Hesmondhalgh
Professor Hannah Fry (recruited Traitor)
Joe Lycett
Jerry Hall
Joanne McNally
James Acaster (recruited Traitor)

For these that want to keep up with Claudia’s outfits: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a73628412/celebrity-traitors-claudia-winkleman-outfits/

saw my dentist and he recommended I see the dental hygienist to scrape the plaque off my teeth - as one side was a concern he said an hour would be best.

when I booked in I was told it would be £178!!! for one hour!!!! WTAF??????

I had to see an osteopath the other month & she charge £60 for 50 mins - that 50 mins included a consultation with a healthcare professional educated to MSc level + diagnosis & treatment who has independent accountability.

how on earth can the dental surgery think that £178 is reasonable???? btw I am pretty certain that the majority of the cost isn't going into the pocket of the dental hygienist

Well apparently this story isn’t going anywhere!

I wanted to pose a question and see what your thoughts are on this.
If you were taking you child out trick or treating today, would you march into a small independent sweet/ice cream shop that you have never been into before and demand that the owner high fives your child and then gives your child free sweets? And then when the owner explains they are a small business and giving sweets away for free isn’t a very affordable thing for a small business to do, would you get angry and berate the owner for not giving sweets to your child for free?
I am the small business and margins are very tight. I can’t afford to give away sweets to every child who comes in dressed up at Halloween.
This happened today and the parent made me feel awful for not handing out free stuff. Would they approach Tesco and ask the same? Would they give away things from their work or business for free if I marched up to them dressed as a pumpkin?
What do you think?