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I read threads on Mumsnet everyday but I’ve never posted I just read, I’m probably going to get loads of negative comments but I just want to know what other people would do in my situation.
This is a long one be warned 😂
So my husband lived 4 hours away from me, we met whilst he was in my area whilst visiting his family. We started meeting up quite abit and it just went from there really, we called it a “situationship” because we never actually wanted to be in a relationship at that time because we both went through the worst things with our ex’s.
Anyway I got caught pregnant around a year after meeting him, non of our family’s knew about either of us properly, they just knew we was kind of seeing somebody and that was it. We decided to keep the baby and we both told our family’s and they was shocked but happy!
BUT from first meeting him and talking to him he always commented how “sexy” this woman was or that woman and he’d always bring someone up either a celebrity (he was obsessed with JLO) or just a normal girl! it’s ok to fancy other people there’s loads of gorgeous women out there but it was constant and at first it didn’t bother me. Fast forward to having our baby he moved to where I live but was still at it, literally all the time but when you’ve just had a baby you feel like shit anyway and feel fat and horrible.
I ended up with postnatal depression, I’d never had this before (I have older children too) and then when we was going out I’d see him look at other women and always stare even when he was stood with me and it was embarrassing for me but I also felt really big and frumpy and didn’t want him to do that!
Then one night I let it build up that much I just exploded when we was at his mums, he’s such a calm person and we genuinely don’t argue he hates arguing, but he said shall we watch a film so I said yeah and he was looking through and come across a film JLO was in and said shall we watch this and I’d seen it a few times and I said no let’s watch something different. He then said to me “you only don’t want to watch it because my babe jlos in it” he was just joking around but I sat up and I said “if that was the case we couldn’t watch F#%king anything because all you ever do is say everybody is fit, sexy or gorgeous!!” And I packed my stuff and was going to drive 4 hours home with the baby at 11pm at night.😂
Anyway we had a good chat about it and I told him it hurts me when he’s constantly looking at other women when we’re out (I actually stopped liking going out with him because he never even had a type so it was everybody! Black, white, Asian and skinny even though I was a size 14 so I was constantly scanning for women and seeing if he was looking at them) and when he’s constantly saying people are gorgeous, sexy or fit all the time.
He stopped it straight away! I’ve never heard him say somebody is this or that again, he still apologises now for it and says he just liked winding me up etc.🤷🏼♀️
Anyway a few months later his memories come up on his phone from the year before when I was pregnant and he was still living in his home town, it was of him on a night out and a girl dancing on him, I never had issues with him going out because I thought I could trust him. He was videoing her and zooming into her bum with all other girls round his table!
Anyway I asked him about it and said to him I thought I could always trust you and stuff and he said nothing else happened but I said for her to be like that on you, something definitely happened that night (I still don’t believe him by the way).
This just stays on my mind constantly.
My post natal depression turned into really bad anxiety and physchosis, I also have lost 8 stone because in my head he likes skinny girls so I should be. I see all the right people for it and have great people around me.
BUT let me just tell you, he’s like a different man now, he doesn’t do any of the looking at women (well when I’m there) and he doesn’t say anybody’s gorgeous or nothing (I do it about women because like I said there’s gorgeous people everywhere) he always says he regrets doing what he’s done to me and if he could turn back time he wouldn’t of ever done them things because when he moved to where I am he said he started to love me a lot more and now he’s literally besotted by me (in a good way) he pays for me to go and get my nails done, hair extensions, my hair every 6 weeks and not to forget he also took on my other two children (their dad just never bothered with them) and he had no kids at all. He also talks about anything I want to talk about whenever i bring it up, he doesn’t brush it off and say oh shut up it was in the past, he sits and lets me get it off my chest!
We got married when we’d just had our baby because of his culture, we should have done it before the baby but we didn’t want to straight away. His family are amazing with me and my other two children too.
That what I just wrote was just a fraction of the things he did. I could go on and on but I just can’t get those things (and other stuff) out of my head ever and it’s really rubbish because he’s completely different now! What would you do? When I see certain people he said was fit or sexy it turns my stomach massively, when I think of that night out it makes me secretly hate him🤷🏼♀️ but he’s just so good now. It’s so hard. 😩 he deleted all of his social media (I didn’t tell him to or ask him to) he just did it and didn’t tell me but when I went to send him stuff he’d gone off there🤷🏼♀️ but earlier on again in the relationship I’d see him looking at other women online or when he was watching TikTok he’d be looking at videos of women and I said to him when he deleted it is it because you can’t control yourself? And he said no I just don’t want it anymore. I did find him snooping on his ex's instagram though, I never ever check his phone or do all that stuff, I actually got a reading done off a really good medium and she told me “he’s a snooper, he’s checking on his ex” they was her words. So I let him listen to the reading after it and I said is it true and she was right!! he said I just looked because the picture wasn’t hers and it had changed to one of them scammer pages when people get hacked (obvs I know that’s bullshit).
Sorry for the long post but I just needed to get it off my chest and get some advice because I have only ever told the therapist I see and spoke to him about it, not just normal people or my friends 🤷🏼♀️
Please don’t be mean 😩