To not want to talk to my neighbours?

[Oncemorewithsome]

Until very recently we lived in a city. Where we have come from, neighbours generally don’t speak to each other. On the rare occasion someone has stuck around for a while, we might give a polite nod to each other or an ‘alright. In my area this is all very normal and not considered rude.

We just moved to a town. The new neighbours stopped to talk for about 20minutes. I am now feeling very claustrophobic about the whole idea of living with imposed socialising whenever you put the bins out. I really have no desire to chat to my neighbours unless there is some issue.

I know, I know I’m a grumpy old so and so…. But it’s honestly made me feel a bit worried. Do people talk to random people all the time in towns? What if you’re feeling rubbish and just want to get a job done are you obliged to stop and chat when you see people you know? The rules all seem different!

Where I live (north west England) talking your neighbours is very common. I have great neighbours on one side and slightly odd but friendly neighbours on the other

even with the wider estate, people know each other, say hello, chat etc. I can’t imagine living next door to someone and not speaking to them but I’ve always had friendly neighbours so maybe that’s why

The last time I spoke to a neighbour was about 5 years ago. There’s just no need to do so.

Ignore them and they’ll soon stop bothering you.

I live in London and talk to my neighbours all the time, we all look out for each other and help each other out. Having a community can really enhance your life in many ways, it’s given us great friendships, getting to know other cultures, free dog sitting, job opportunities for DCs, etc.

You can have a good relationship with neighbours without chatting to them. If I had a problem I could ask any of my neighbours to help. As they could me. I value that a lot. I chat with one neighbours but the others it’s just a quick hello or a smile and a wave.

The 20 minutes was because you are new. No, you won’t need to have as long a chat every time you put the bins out.

Both you and your neighbours will use your social skills to indicate when you are up for a chat, and when you are not.

Don’t model yourself on @BuffetTheDietSlayer though - she’s just rude.

I think you are a bit unreasonable.

The world would be a nicer place if we were all slightly friendlier and looked out for our neighbours.

I haven’t seen or talked to the neighbour who moved in next door about 6 months ago. Works perfectly for me.

I live in an area that's like a small community within a town. We all speak to each other and help each other out. If I've forgotten something for a recipe I'll ask a neighbour if they can lend me it etc.

A new couple have moved in and I've said hello a couple of times and been ignored so I won't bother again.

I don't mind talking to the normal neighbours just not the pot smoking drunken bam downstairs.
Young widowed mum upstairs we give her wee boy something little at Easter,Halloween and Xmas same with the young woman and her partner that have a wee girl.
Unfortunately our area has went downhill think weed smoking types and XL bully dogs .we now want out after 25yrs.

It's called "being neighbourly".

What a miserable way to live.

I'd hate that, cannot do banal chit chat. I'm pleasant and polite, then move on.

YABU if you want to live in a nice community then you have to communicate. I love my neighbours and we all look out for each other. We help out with pet/ childcare, water each other's gardens and when we have the opportunity we have street parties. If you want a village you have to be a villager.

I am happy to chat more sometimes and a quick hello other times

But yes if it turns into a 20 min chat every time I leave home or arrive back that would get annoying

I voted YANBU but only because I know that so-called friendliness is often disguised nosiness and community type areas can be terrible for gossip.

I am friendly with my neighbours because I want to be nice and do value community to an extent. However, my next door neighbour was quick to tell me details of another neighbours divorce (I didn't ask). Another neighbour informed how a person on our road owns 3 of the properties by us and rents 2 of them out (air bnb) and that's why there is sometimes unsavoury/antisocial behaviour and unfamiliar people around.

While some information is good to know, it makes me feel like I don't want to open up to them as the whole road will soon know our business. I also font want to get caught up in a "keeping up with the Jones' trap". Our house is nice enough, but far from the best on the road. I'd rather be out of the loop of chatter about everything we have going on in our household. For me, the best way to do that is limit things to a polite hello and occasional small talk.

We speak to our neighbours but just quick 2 minute chats when you see them. It takes 2 parties to make a chat last 20 min, if you have a neighbour who likes long chats you just need to interrupt and say “ must go see you later”

I’m the same OP. Grew up in a large city where basically no one spoke to one another. My mum was different because she actively enjoys talking to others so would go above and beyond to chat to anyone and everyone but I never wanted to.

Now live in a small town/village really and my god everyone wants to chat. I leave DH to do it and I go get in the car or go in the house. They almost definitely all think I’m a bitch but I just don’t want to engage in mindless small talk with people I’m forced to live close to. At best I will do a quick hi and smile but that’s as far as I go.

I’m with you OP - it’s really intrusive if you have moved into one of those type of communities.

Be “In a hurry’ when they speak to you and remember that their time isn’t more important than yours

“Good morning, Fred-isn’t it a lovely day! Sorry, can’t stop-I’m running late- speak soon! ” Sorted. Not, as they say, rocket science.

Except if ‘Fred’ doesn’t take the hint or it’s one of those areas where it is expected that everyone ‘joins in’ whether they want to or not 😱

Me too. I’m in London Zone 2 and talk to neighbours if I see them or for parcel collection etc. I also talk to strangers! Especially if they look like they might need directions but sometimes just for casual interaction. I am not lonely and have plenty of friends but I enjoy socialising. I DO know where to draw the line and totally value privacy and anonymity

Surely it depends how much talking you mean?

I literally don’t have time for 20 minute conversations with the neighbours, so I would just make my excuses and say I had to go if someone was really going on.

But it’s a bit precious and churlish to live somewhere and expect to live in a bubble of social seclusion. You can’t reasonably ask people not to speak to you and you might find it enhances your life knowing a few local people.

One 20 minute conversation with your neighbour has left you feeling claustrophobic?!

if nothing else it’s handy to have good relationships with neighbours as they can put your bins out when you’re away. Look upon it as an investment. Who knows, in time you might even grow to enjoy a friendly chat.

I’m in SE and obviously never speak to my neighbours aside from waving and saying hello when parking up etc

Edited to add, we all do each other’s bins so that’s sorted!

I would just say sorry, got to dash.

Nobody is suggesting ‘social isolation’ - it’s nice they are friendly but it’s not compulsory to be drawn into it.