Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

This is my first post, so bear with!

I'm a novice potter. I'm also an absolute cheapskate but I also love handmade things and supporting locally made goods. In December I'm planning to participate in my community studio's Christmas Market. From a seller perspective, I do pottery as therapy, but I don't want to undermine those who use it as a form of income by undermining their prices. From a buyer perspective, I generally go to markets, look at things and think eek, that's a lot.. (even if I appreciate why it's the price it is) but wish I could support the seller by buying something small but still fab.

So I thought as well as my higher end items (plates, mugs, etc.), I could sell smaller items which didn't really require much in the way of decoration or individual processing, but were still hand made.

I like useful things. I'm not one for random bits of tat (or ornaments- as I've heard they're called), so my inspiration is a bit limited to what I would like to buy and use, and how much I would pay for it.

So I'm asking... if you went to a Christmas fayre on the hunt for presents, what would you want to pick up and what would you want to pay for it?

I'm thinking of a £1-5 section for stocking fillers, a £5-£10 for small gifts, and then £10+ for other bits. Also with a view to doing customisable gifts such as house signs, which could be pre-made and then decorated and glazed post purchase.

Please throw your ideas at me.

Hi all,

Need some advice please.

I have a cousin who I am extremely close to. Neither of us have a sister so we have always been close and generally share everything with each other. We see each other once or twice a week and our kids are also very close. Ive know her all my life and we are both in our 40s.

My cousin has had a lot going on in her life- marriage problems, financial problems etc and i have always helped her and been there for her. She relies on me more emotionally than I do on her.

A few months ago she started talking to me about a trip that shes been wanting to go on her whole life. Ive been on this trip twice before and so she asked me lots of questions and I gave her advice. She was planning to go with her mum and its the first holiday either of them have been on in 10 years. I was so happy that she was finally planning to go somewhere.

Anyway over the last month or so ive noticed that shes not been messaging me or popping over as much and whenever I try to arrange to see her she has been making excuses. Ive asked her if everything's ok and she says yes.

Last Wednesday I saw her at an event in school where we did sit together and talked to each other like normal but I still felt like she was hiding something from me. Later on in the day I saw her mum who told me that they had booked the trip a few weeks ago and they were so excited.

I felt hurt that my friend still hasn't told me about the trip and I feel like she is trying to hide it from me. I feel a bit used because she always comes to me with her problems but didnt tell me her good news. For context I generally travel more than her and she is usually always the first to know if I am going somewhere.

AiBU to be hurt about this? Should I say something or leave it. I feel like she is avoiding me so that she doesn't have to tell me her good news and that doesn't feel nice at all.

Anyone else waiting for this? I am, let’s start a thread to see how we all get on. I have two stone to lose. My DH said yesterday that ‘I am a bit plump’. Upset, though it’s true.

He often talks about how we don’t have sex enough and if only we could have sex more, he’d be happier. Less grumpy, he’d stop smoking etc.

he says he doesn’t care if I work or make money as long as I have sex with him regularly.

this was a recent comment as I changed my work life recently and I’m not making as much. I stepped away from a corporate role.

he just makes these comments and I just don’t feel great about them. If I say no, he gets in a mood, which I hate.

I basically never want to do it and just do it to keep the peace.

we don’t do it that often, once or twice a week.

am I normal that the attitude just puts me off ?

DD(3) party is next weekend. The venue let you choose a theme and despite her brother putting some not so subtle pressure on her, she’s gone with princesses. There are a lot of boys attending and the venue are happy to do more neutral themes with the party bags but I was going to give little wands out.

I am perfectly happy for all the boys to have wands but I just don’t think they’ll be interested (and I do know the boys well; one is my own son.) Can anyone think of a small gift that’s a sort of equivalent?

I’ve worked in office jobs for about 25 years, and I’ve always wondered: do people in self-directed, knowledge-based roles actually spend 37-40 hours a week actively working?

I almost never have, the only exceptions have been during major pitches. However, I’ve consistently received strong reviews and positive feedback. I was promoted last year.

In my current, fairly senior role, I’m regularly praised for both the quality and speed of my work and I definitely don’t avoid taking on extra work or projects. Maybe I’ve just been unusually lucky with manageable workloads, but after this many years that seems unlikely.

I’m not off doing anything exciting—I’m available and responsive—but there are decent stretches when I just don’t have much to do.

Everyone else around me constantly complains they’re drowning, overworked etc.

Am I the weird one, or is everyone else stretching the truth about how busy they are in these type of senior roles?

My daughter is 8, she has three close friends in school, two of which are boys. One of these boys has had birthday parties and invited the close knit friends but my daughter has been excluded.

Today, my daughter has come home and said her best friend has said she is going to another boy in the class’s party. My daughter has said she hasn’t been invited but her best friend has then said to her that she hasn’t been invited because “her Mummy doesn’t talk to their parents”. She also said she spoke to her other best boy friend and he said the reason that she wasn’t invited was because his parents chose who came.

To be honest, I am a drop and run kind of parent and so is my Husband. I am terrible at small talk and I don’t want to be stood at the school gates gossiping. Is this on me? I feel it’s really unfair on my daughter that she is being excluded from her best friends parties because of her parents opinions of me 😳

Looking for a chocolate brown dress I saw on a lady yesterday at a graduation.

chocolate brown , no collar , round neck , think buttons on the top half maybe all the way . Short sleeve . Camr in at the waist , think there was a belt in same fabric . mid length .completely plain , no print. Don’t think it was linen . Wish I had asked her where she bought it . Searched Boden , REISS , jigsaw with no look . Was it you ? You had a daughter in a green dress , blonde hair graduating at Newcastle uni at 09.00 yesterday ( Thurs ) and went to the Broad Chare for lunch as did I . Any thoughts please ?

My 3 year old is obsessed with “We’re Going On A Bear Hunt” after having it read to her at preschool, she knows all of the words and we bought it as one of her gifts for her birthday.

We read a book every night at bed, whenever she reaches for this it gives me such bad goosebumps!

I don’t know if it’s the way it’s written, the pictures, I genuinely feel panic when they’re trying to get away from the bear and he’s in the background of the pictures and then at their front door and they’ve forgotten to lock it. I absolutely detest it 🥴 it gives me the right creeps!

This is baring in mind that all I read myself is psychological thrillers and I’ve watched so much true crime I could probably commit the perfect murder 😂 why do I have such a panicky/spooked response to a children’s book fgs!

I am mid fifties and want a new start. No family support. AIBU to think I can find a house by the sea or in a low-crime market town with a maximum budget of £250k? Any ideas?
YABU - budget is too low
YANBU - these places exist

I've run out of clothes I can reasonably wear now in mid 30 degrees and having to go to the office 3 days per week.

I've been wearing short sleeve and 3/4 sleeve blouses with ankle length trousers or culottes. I need to look reasonably smart. I'm fat and need to lose weight and dresses from last year look like maternity wear. In the meantime I need some ideas please.

Thinking about booking a solo holiday. I am a divorced 59 year old woman. Very active and sociable and am confident in travelling and life in general. I work full time. Live in London.
I live with my adult children and have zero interest in a new relationship.

Want to book a trip to ‘somewhere’ in September to celebrate my 60th. Thinking culture and history and beautiful landscapes and great food. So have decided Italy might work. Tuscany/Florence area.

As I want to explore the area and only have a week it might be useful to go on an organised tour. So the logistics and travel are handled and the itinerary organised in a logical way.

Might be nice to have some company for some of the trip such as mealtimes and then have my own room to retreat to and free time to fill how I want.
Am a bit unsure about the organised aspect of it though. I have always travelled independently before or with friend or family. I have visions of being herded by a tour guide and the time being over controlled.

Was almost ready to book when I saw on a review that a guide might meet me at Heathrow to help with the journey. Really don’t need that level of support! I know people are all different and it might just be an option for more anxious or disabled people.

I would also need to pick from a very limited range of options as the tour groups obviously have a few departure dates. In fact I can only find one option for the date and region I want. It’s around £2300 for one week Heathrow to Pisa. That is fine but I could obviously do it more cheaply and flexibly myself.

Anyway. Thoughts on how to travel solo as an independent person but with some elements of an organised tour? There will be local companies offering day trips and excursions but less likely to have company at mealtimes and get to know people.

The G adventure type places seem to run much younger and I don’t want to be 40 years older than everyone else!

AIBU to feel like my holiday has been ruined before we’ve even gone?
My husband’s mum and her partner suggested that we all book a cottage in Wales together because they said they wanted to spend some proper time with us as a family.
We booked the cottage for me, my husband, our three children, his mum and her partner. It only sleeps seven, so it was booked for exactly the seven of us.
His mum has now invited another child to come for the whole holiday. Because the cottage only sleeps seven, her partner is now going to sleep in their camper van at night so that the child can take her place inside the cottage.
What makes this harder for me is that his mum and her partner don’t spend a huge amount of time with our three children. They already spend far more time with the child they have invited and are very close to her.
This holiday was their idea. They were the ones who said they wanted to go away with us and spend time with our family. I work full time and have very limited annual leave, so taking a week off is a big thing for me. It now feels as though I’m using that precious time on a holiday that has been completely changed from what I agreed to.
I had already made it clear that I didn’t want anyone else coming. I had also specifically spoken about our last family camping trip and how badly that went.
On that trip, several adults essentially dropped their children at the campsite and then went off to enjoy a relaxing week themselves. The children were left crammed into everybody else’s tents and camper vans, and the adults who had actually stayed at the campsite ended up looking after them all.
I had already said I did not want to be put in that position again. I had that conversation only weeks before this happened, which is partly why I feel so ignored.
The child was asked if she wanted to come and initially said no. I thought that should have been the end of it. Instead, it was brought up again, and she eventually agreed. His mum and partner now feels guilty and wishes they didn’t invite her but it’s done now.
I even suggested that they could simply explain that they had spoken to me and, because of my health and everything that has happened recently, I really needed the holiday to be focused on spending time with my own children. They chose not to do that.
I have PoTS and reactive hypoglycaemia and struggle with dizziness, blackouts, weakness, fatigue and my heart rate shooting up when I stand.
More recently, I was taken into hospital with stroke-like symptoms, including slurred speech, numbness and weakness down one side. Thankfully, a stroke was ruled out, but I’m still experiencing weakness in my arm and leg and problems with my speech at times. I’m now waiting for neurological investigations and neuro physiotherapy.
After such a frightening and exhausting time, I genuinely needed this break. I wanted to use my limited time away from work to spend time with my husband and children, and I hoped the children would finally get some proper time with their grandparents too.
Instead, I now feel as though the focus will mainly be on the child they have invited, because she is the child they already spend the most time with. They have changed the sleeping arrangements and moved one of the original adults out of the cottage to make sure she can come.
It isn’t that I dislike the child, because I don’t, and none of this is her fault. My issue is entirely with the adults. They invited another child onto a holiday that was already full, despite knowing I didn’t want anyone else coming and despite the fact that this was supposed to be their opportunity to spend time with us and our children.
I’m also worried that I’ll end up helping to look after her. If she becomes upset, plays up, wants to go home or needs lots of attention, it will affect the entire holiday. If there are any major problems, her mum will need to come and collect her. I cannot take responsibility for another child while managing my health and looking after my own three.
I feel like I have no choice but to go, put a smile on my face and make sure my children have a lovely time. They’ve been looking forward to it and would be devastated if we cancelled. It wouldn’t be fair for them to lose their holiday because of a decision they had no part in.
But for me, it no longer feels like the holiday I agreed to use my annual leave for. I’m not looking forward to it anymore. It feels like a waste of the very limited time I get off work, and I feel resentful, anxious and hurt that the one boundary I clearly set was ignored.
I’ve decided that after this I won’t agree to any more family holidays, camping trips or similar gatherings, because I don’t trust that the same thing wouldn’t happen again.
AIBU to feel this was unfair, particularly when the holiday was their idea because they claimed they wanted to spend time with us and our children?

I am getting sick n tired of this hot weather. I just want a few days of sleeping without fans on in my room. Fortunately I am using ear plugs to reduce the noise. I want to sleep under covers not on top of my bed.

Live in a first floor flat where I can’t do much due to space and the fact it’s a flat.

Im following the rules of keeping homes cool but not working. it’s 31c in my bedroom.

Our homes are designed to keep heat in. I am so tired and want to sleep for longer

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

I am looking for thoughts as am genuinely torn on this issue.

My husbands sibling has informed us they are getting married in 18 months time. We are delighted for them- their partner is lovely. The dilema is that they are planning the wedding in New Zealand. The entirety of my husbands family live in the UK, my soon to be SILs family are in NZ. The reason for having the wedding there is that the NZ family members would not be able to afford to travel here (or anywhere halfway).

AIBU to think it is a huge presumption that the UK contingent can all afford to go? Everyone who has been invited is ok money-wise as far as I know, but this will mean intense saving and no other holidays etc to allow us to attend. It will also mean using the vast majority of holiday days that we have for the year.

On the one hand I think we just get on with it, we are so happy for the couple. On the other - we are a family of four and will likely be paying more than the cost of the wedding to travel there / hotels etc and it is a bit much to expect?

My view has always been its an invite not a summons, and if you plan these sorts of trips you have to expect people may not be able to go. However it has quickly become obvious that there is a high level of expectation (and emotional guilt tripping) for those who have tentatively said it may be too much for them to do.

Hi. We need some help please.

DH is late 50s. We went out last night and he wore a nice short sleeved shirt and chino shorts. But on his feet he had desert shoes and suit socks. We both know that they looked wrong but we had no idea what would look right.

We were going to a town centre restaurant.

Please, people who understand style, can you make suggestions?

Thank you.

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

I know there’s already been loads of threads about it, so apologies for being so original but OH MY GOD!

I’m not usually a particularly whiny person and I don’t ever remember being particularly troubled by hot ( or cold!) weather before but honestly, I feel like I’m going lose my mind!

Maybe it’s combined with hot flushes or something because no one else I know seems to be struggling that much.

I was fine at first; just thought it would only be a couple of days we’d have to suck it up. We
got the fans out, ate a criminal amount of ice lollies and did as little as possible. But now it feels like it’s been a couple of weeks of non stop over 28 degree heat every day where I live. It’s also unbearably humid. Trying to clean the house is grim. I feel like I’m swimming through treacle and my brain is mush. I can’t concentrate on work, I can’t sleep at night. I am constantly uncomfortable and the house has now heated up to such an extent that no room is even close to cool.

I realise this probably sounds ridiculous but I can’t really go out in this heat. I mean I can go to work (though my office has no air con and is also grim) and I can manage the school run and the supermarket etc, but I can’t go for a walk, or run about at the park with the kids. I definitely wouldn’t want go out in town or mooch about the shops, or eat out etc. I don’t want go in the garden because it’s so hot. The swimming pool is lovely but the changing rooms are beyond the pale. There’s no way I could cope with a day out at the zoo or a theme park with the kids.

I’ve never been so hot or so uncomfortable in my life! I have lots of loose, comfortable clothes, summer shoes etc but I still feel like I want to rip my skin off!

Is it just me? Weather forecast seems to be saying 10 more days of heat wave and I could cry!

My NDN has just demanded to see proof that we are exempt from the local hose pipe ban !!!!

I have said to them I won’t be showing them anything as it’s private but they can report me if I want and the water company can check.

We literally have just been filling a small paddling pool daily for the dc for after school and today have a little sprinkler toy as it’s boiling.

I know some people aren’t aware that there are exemptions (eg being on priority services register or certain tariff) but I’m so shocked they demanded proof !!!

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?