Escaped a brutal 25 year marriage from a cheating brute and after three years had what I thought was a loving year long relationship with a man who gave me the tender loving intimacy that I had longed for all my life. Except that I got an awful uti that landed me in hospital and which took six months to treat (which he was really cruel about). And except for the fact than he cheated on me with two women while I had the uti.

7 months later I met someone else who seemed to like me (he is 60 and so a bit older than me and has had one ten year relationship but never lived with anyone). He held my hand and seemed sweet intelligent and kind. We have been seeing each other for a little over two months but have not had penetrative sex. Last night he told me that I would be pushed to find a man who would put up with rhis and most women would have done it by now. I said that perhaps he should find someone else. It’s ended.

I feel I have to justify this to you all and so I will. In those two months, there has been sexual intimacy almost every time we have met (once a week). This began from the third date when I told him that I had had a brutal marriage and please would he be gentle with me. I also wanted to know his sexual history and so was v unhappy the next time (fourth date )when he wanted to have penetrative sex. I said no. I wasn’t aroused enough and nervous. In the last month I ended up fracturing a bone in my foot so am wearing one of those medical shoes and also was terrified I had got a uti from the sexual activity so had to have testing for this.

He was not happy with me yesterday because he wants proper sex and “most men” would do also by now he said. He said that I was giving out mixed messages. Is this true? I’m still wearing the medical shoe for my foot.

Just sad about this all. Are there really rules/ expectations for when you do it?

Trying to avoid drip feed. Am sixty. Married 40 years. Kids are 40/38. I’ve never really worked. Husband had corporate career. I have been waiting for him to retire for years but it’s become clear that will never happen. He is rarely at home, constantly doing adventure stuff or pursuing his hobby. I’ve given up waiting and I want a divorce. He’s not fought me on it and clearly we are just done. I’ve moved out into rented and he’s paying my rent and expenses- clearing credit card etc.

We are reasonably civil but he says asking for half is ridiculous. He says that the only real assets are his massive pension fund, my smaller one and our house which we will sell. I think he should give me half the value of the pension fund but he says that’s not possible. He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it. Surely I can just ask for the value and then do what I want with it? It feels very controlling.

I will of course get a lawyer but wanted to check if I’m being unreasonable in asking for my half? What about future income / inheritance etc? Once I’m divorced do I lose all claim on that even though I’ve supported him to earn this money and to see the return on investments that won’t come through for a few years?

I’m between jobs at the moment and have decided to use some of the time to basically snag my own house.

I’m going through every room and making a note of all the little things that have mildly irritated me for YEARS, but which I’ve somehow just accepted as part of life. You know the sort of thing - not actual problems, just things you regularly curse under your breath and then continue living with for another five years.

So far I have:

1. Ruthlessly slimmed down the kitchen cupboards so I could lose one cupboard and fit a tumble dryer. Every winter I normally spend approximately 46% of my waking hours hanging damp clothes around the house and rotating them like prize livestock, so I’m disproportionately excited about this.

2. Reorganised the Tupperware so every container now lives WITH ITS OWN LID. No more rummaging through 17 lids while slowly losing the will to live.

3. Thrown out about 12 random, ancient, slightly raggedy towels that had been granted permanent residency in the airing cupboard. It now has SPACE. Things are FOLDED.

4. Replaced the sieve that hasn’t had a handle since approximately 2020. Why did I just... live like that?

5. Put bigger shoe storage by the door, so we no longer have the traditional hallway shoe landslide.

6. Rewired a switch so it finally works the way you instinctively expect it to work rather than requiring a tiny moment of irritation every single time.

Honestly, none of this is exactly world peace, but the cumulative improvement to my quality of life is ridiculous. I keep thinking, WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS FOR SO LONG?

So humour me: what tiny, boring, seemingly insignificant thing have you changed/fixed/bought/reorganised in your house that has made you disproportionately happy?

I want the really mundane ones. The things nobody is putting on Grand Designs but which have genuinely made your day-to-day life better.

Basically, tell me what else I should be wandering around my house looking for 😂

AIBU to ask if anyone knows where I can pick this up?!

I am obsessed with it. I think it’s gorgeous. I’m trying to find the bits separately but none have the frill. Im looking for either the burgundy or brown but nothing is showing up! Pic attached and in AIBU for traffic

I'm posting this to get a range of opinions, specifically from ladies who know better. I am not about to leap into anything crazy. This is more about me being intrigued than interested. But that might change...

I'm divorced from my Ex-DW. We have a child. Our child lives with her these days. They are close enough for me to visit, but far enough away that it's not convenient.

I'm on Discord. I'm in a few groups that I engage in. I also chat with DD on Discord quite frequently. Kids, man. They love Discord, hate messaging and loathe phone calls. So we have a back-and-forth on a regular basis. I respect that it's her preferred method of communication when we're not together.

Two months ago, I received a friend request on Discord. This is not unusual, but we have each other's phone numbers and have always texted in the past. I just accepted it and thought nothing of it. The handle is random enough to be anyone. The following afternoon I received a message from this person, basically just saying, "I'm your Ex-DW, btw." I shrugged. Got on with my day. I thought it was a little weird, but also thought it might be useful to have three-way conversations with DD, should it be necessary. And after thinking about it, I responded with a five-word response that I knew she would find funny because it was a reference to a comedian we both love.

When I mentioned it to DD, she said that her mom claimed that I had initiated the friend request. While my account is obviously me, neither my Ex-DW's or DD's or her friends are. Randomly sending friend requests to my DD's friends would just be weird. And I also have a working memory.

Ten years ago, my Ex-DW was pretty horrible. She blanked me in every possible way. Decided I wasn't allowed in their home. Every phone call devolved into her yelling and shouting at me. She even accused me of spying on her when I was dropping off our kid. I didn't have time to spy because I was in another relationship and heading that way once DD was home safe. We have had minimal contact since. There were even times when she would treat me like a complete stranger, asking questions that she should have known the answer to.

So, cut to a week ago. My Ex-DW reaches out with a question about something in the news. We used to love talking politics and about the news. We used to have identical viewpoints on most things, so this was a common type of conversation we would have. Sometimes, she would leave me voicemails about something she'd heard on the news that day. Well, I thought and thought about it, it being a tricky question with a very dry, academic story behind it, and then I gave her my opinion. To be honest, as is my wont, I wrote a book to her about it. My response had to be detailed. It is what it is. I handled the response as I would handle any response to an acquaintance. No jokes. Just dry responses.

It was only then that I realized that my DD had gone away for a few days. My Ex-DW was, in all likelihood, sitting alone at home.

The next day, she responded asking for more detail and after a few hours, I complied. The conversation went on for five days with a side excursion in reference to pets and our DD. I finished up two days ago with some news about an incident in a city we used to live in. She came back with, "That's insane!" That's an obvious closer to any conversation. I mean, I could find some way to keep it going, but that's a natural end. So I won't.

That's my whole story.

No. There is definitely more. In the last decade, I paid my spousal support and got on with life. She has a pretty good job, but I know that she's not the best with finances and planning for the future. She gets by, but there was always a paycheck to paycheck thing going on when we were married, no matter how much we earned. I don't know, and I don't wish to, but I suspect she hasn't changed. On the other hand, I've maintained that I'm not rich during these last 10 years, precisely for this reason. I'd pay for anything for my DD, but keep it like a business relationship. Basically, I didn't telegraph that I was doing more than just okay. And then earlier this year, I bought myself a new car. Not the most expensive car available, but not the bargain model either. My DD told me that my Ex-DW took an extended interest in this purchase, going as far as to comment on all the features it has. No biggie. People do that stuff. Then I went on a series of vacations throughout the summer, and sent tons of cool photos to DD. She's always asking to see pics. Earlier in the year, I spent a week in a hotel closer to my DD, and we spent several awesome days together. And then a month ago, I went to view an apartment much closer to where Ex-DW and DD live, primarily because I don't like where I live or being too far from DD. I met up with DD after for coffee and we spent a couple of hours catching up on nothing important. I won't be moving yet, but it is going to happen eventually.

So... I'm left with questions. Not huge questions. But why does someone who made our divorce less than amicable, who has made any kind of contact kind of icky for such a long time, suddenly begin a week-long chat about something seemingly random, though definitely tied to my career and interests? I did the gray stone thing on her for years, and I believe that the last time we saw each other was probably 2020. It wasn't a happy meeting. She was still being mean and horrible.

And I'm not reading anything into it, or I wouldn't be asking the question. I actually went through therapy to rid myself of her ghost. It's a much longer story that you want to read. I actively tried to exorcise her from my life as much as possible. But I am intrigued as to any motive, if there is one. And I'm aware it's probably nothing, but there is a series of events here.

Should I concoct a response at some time in the next few days? I must admit that being amenable w/r/t sharing a child was always my basic wish. It could be good for my DD's mental health.

I’m early 40s, 5ft 5, size 8-10 (trying to lose a stone as feeling not great about my body) and I have about £1,500 to spend. I’m ok for shoes I think - have a mix of trainers and boots and a pair of ‘nice’ shoes if needed.
My hair isn’t so great so I could probably do something with that ideally.
What are the best things to invest in? My issue is I only really like very casual stuff and I can’t always wear very casual stuff.
I feel like I’m a sort of in between age and in between size and nothing looks very nice.

New 6 episode drama on Sundays on itv

A police procedural fronted by Michelle Keegan and Douglas Booth, where they play detectives with a highly charged attraction to each other? Say less, ITV. We’re in.

This prime-time crime drama starts off in a depressingly predictable manner, when the body of a young woman is found in the small town of Wakestead, where DI Crane (Keegan) and DI Radley (Booth) work.

But as they work to uncover what happened to teenage figure skater Sophie Madsen, they discover “a tangled web of lies, institutional cover-ups, and moral compromise”.

the show will tackle the sadly very real misogyny that can be found in the UK police force.

The series also looks to have been influenced by the two Metropolitan police officers who took and shared photos (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/dec/06/two-met-police-officers-jailed-photos-murdered-sisters-deniz-jaffer-jamie-lewis-nicole-smallman-bibaa-henry) “for their own amusement” from the murder scene of two Black women in 2020.

Keegan also looks like she’ll be turning whistleblower, turning her sexist colleagues against her in the process.

As the official synopsis says: “Crane must navigate both a murder investigation and the treacherous politics inside her own team.”

Alongside Keegan and Booth, you’ll also see Ian Hart, Nathan Mensah, Nigel Boyle, Joe Armstrong, Matilda Freeman, Gavin Spokes, Josh Bolt, Vikash Bhai and Ceallach Spellman all popping up.

What else do we know about The Blame?

The Blame is based on the 2023 book of the same name by Charlotte Langley, and is written, developed for television and executive produced by Megan Gallagher, who previously worked on All Her Faultand Wolf. Gallagher explained her rationale for creating the show, describing it as “such an important and urgent story to tell” right now.

ITV’s director of drama Polly Hill added: “The Blame is a brilliant new crime thriller full of surprising twists and a compelling investigation that also cleverly tackles police corruption, exploitation and misogyny as the thriller unravels…

This is going to be an unmissable drama and one I’m very proud to have on ITV.”

15yo DD has purchased this dress to wear to a wedding and she loves the fit of the dress, and it's the only one that we've tried that she likes, so it will be the one that she's wearing, but we need help with shoes/cardigan/jacket? etc.

Can anyone suggest anything?

Thanks

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

I’ve got 3 kids with my bf, ds is 5, dd is 2 and youngest ds is 8 months. We live together, not married or anything. He works and I’m at home with the kids. Yesterday he went football with his mates at 12.30 and obvs I knew he’d be drinking because thats what they do when they go football.

He came home later on in the afternoon and he’d clearly had a fair bit already. I thought he’d just stay in then tbh but he went back out again later on. I was a bit annoyed because he’d already been out all day really but I didnt tell him he couldnt go or anything. He said he was just going out for a bit and I thought fine whatever, I had the kids anyway.

I last heard from him about 10pm. After that nothing. I messaged him a couple of times and rang once then again later but nothing. At first I wasnt that bothered, I thought he’s probably on the piss and cant hear his phone or something and I didnt want to be that girlfriend constantly asking where he was. But then it got later and later and I still hadnt heard anything.

I had the baby waking up and the other two were up and down as well and I kept checking my phone thinking surely he’ll have messaged by now. I was getting more annoyed every hour really. Its not even like I needed him home to help at that exact moment, I just thought when you’ve got 3 kids at home you would maybe let your partner know you’re ok. I started getting worried as well which made me even more pissed off.

He finally messaged after 12 today saying he was coming home. He got in and he was still absolutely pissed. Not just a bit hungover, proper drunk still and looking like he’d been on the piss all night. We had a little row because I was asking where he’d been and why he couldnt answer his phone and he was basically saying he was fine and I was making a thing of it.

Then he just went upstairs and went to bed. So now I’m downstairs with the 3 kids while he’s asleep it just feels like he’s had a whole night and morning off and I’ve been doing everything. The baby is 8 months so obvs its not exactly like I can just switch off and go to bed either.

I dunno if I’m being dramatic because he is allowed to go out and have a drink and I dont mind him going football at all. I dont even mind him having a big night with his mates really, although going back out after he’d already been drinking did piss me off a bit. But not hearing from him from 10pm until after 12 the next day seems different to me. Maybe I’m being unreasonable but surely you can send one text saying you’re ok?

Its just doing my head in because if I’d gone out at 12.30 yesterday and stayed out all night, then come home still pissed at lunchtime and gone straight to bed, he’d be absolutely raging. I know that doesnt mean I’m right but thats how I’m looking at it. I dont want a relationship where he cant have a night out, I just dont think having kids means you disappear for 14 hours and dont answer anything. Am I being unreasonable for being this annoyed or would you be pissed off too?

Please help a gal out here.

I have recently put on a lot of weight, it’s medication and I’m working on sensible ways of losing it but in the meantime EVERY SINGLE pair of trousers I have is gunty. I have one skirt and one pair of black trousers which don’t make me look like shit but everything looks horrendous. I’d love some advice on styles that won’t make me look terrible but also go with “my vibe”. Said vibe is lots of sage, burgundy and brown, comfy vibes but still okay for the odd meeting. I love the look of tucking my many shirts into my trousers (long live the French tuck) but am avoiding it like the plague atm - if I do tuck; gunt. If I don’t tuck; massive. Please help!

My children started nursery a few weeks ago. It is an outstanding rated nursery with really good parent reviews in London. On the first day of drop off there were no staff at the gate, it is wide open so anyone from the street can walk in. There was no staff member at the entrance of the building either, infact you have to walk down the corridor to the back of the building to enter the nursery before any staff can be seen. I felt really uneasy about leaving my kids so I asked one of the staff if someone is usually there at the gate entrance, she said someone will be around but not necessarily at the gate. I then spoke to the owner who got quite defensive and said that essentially if someone really wanted to get in and cause harm they could get in anyway by climbing the walls. They offered no resolution and every day I have had to wait for up to 25 minutes until I see someone closing the gate until I feel I can go about my day. It’s also left a bad taste in my mouth as the response is not what I’d expect from people I’m trusting to look after my children.

From what I have read online this is not the norm and actually goes against basic safeguarding rules. However, as no other parents seem to have had an issue with it I’m now wondering if I’m over reacting? Either way I am looking to take them out as it doesn’t sit right with me, just wondering others thoughts on this as I will be drafting my notice letter this week. Thanks

For a bit of context I met a guy on hinge a couple months ago and we have started being exclusive. Things are going really well but in the bedroom he doesn’t want to go down on me for some reason. I didn’t want to ask why because I do like him but oral is really important to me and the fact he’s not willing to do it is causing me with a bit of a dilemma. What do you think I should do?

What a horrible start to Monday.

My almost-16-year-old daughter has stamped off in a huff. The background is that all weekend, I nicely asked her to put her washing on - and she started it late Sunday evening. At 9.30pm (my bedtime) I found wet school trousers sat in the kitchen so I hung them up and switched off the tumble dryer. I told her it was much too late to be doing washing and she should have started earlier. This morning, I woke her 30 mins early and reminded her to sort her washing. The trousers were still hanging up and I put the tumble dryer back on. A huge pile of clothes (dirty, clean, wet, I don't know) were lying on the kitchen table and I put them in a laundry basket, took them back to her room and told her I don't know what state these are in but they can't lie in the kitchen.

I also made her breakfast and got ready to take her to school as usual. Then just before we were due to leave, she asked me to write her a note for school to explain that she's wearing leggings rather than school trousers because they're still wet. I said I'm busy getting ready, and in any case, it's her own fault her clothes are wet. She started shouting and crying, saying 'fine, I'll wear wet trousers then' and when I went to go into her room, she shoved the door shut in my face yelling she's 'getting changed for school'. I replied that I'm not taking her anywhere when she's behaving like that. A minute later, she came into my room and asked if I'm taking her to school or is she getting the bus. I said bus given her behaviour and if she shoves a door in my face like that again she can move in her with dad (we're divorced and he does nothing so it's not even an option). So off she stropped - even though it takes two buses and 2 hours to get to school that way and she'll be late.

Now I feel completely rotten about myself and don't know what to do. I guess I already know I was being unreasonable.

I’m looking for suggestions of dresses for a friend’s funeral please. She passed away unexpectedly and her funeral is sadly in 2 weeks time. I have Lipoedema and I can’t wear trousers as they never fit properly due to this.
I’m a size 22-24 and I am unsure what dress to wear.

I'm going on holiday with another person. Last time we went, they had the much nicer accommodation and mine was very basic. This time, check in is at different times and they're insisting I have the first accommodation we can check in to earlier as I have pets and they think I should settle the pets in, and they have the second. I mentioned the other day that we should look at them both and this time its my choice to choose which I prefer out of the two. We can always go in the first at check in and move my pets easily to the second. This is something she agreed to and is now going back on her word. AIBU to be pissed off at this? I really don't want to go away now.

DH has a job that averages 20 hours a week. He’s always running out of money beyond the first week of pay. He pays his part of the mortgage and bills but that’s it. I buy food and everything for the house.

I am Dr and working 48 hour weeks. I am drained. I’m on £45k.

our combined incomes have meant we haven’t been able to move out of an area that we both dislike immensely. I have £16k in savings, that he says I should put towards a deposit.

I’ve asked him to increase his hours or find a new job. He says he will but it never materialises. Then he will say things like trust the process, or that he’s getting “paid” in time so he can pursue his “passion”.

His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.

I find it very unattractive that I effectively fund his life and standard of living. Whenever he asks to borrow money I feel physically repulsed. Aibu?

The kind of shivers where even in the hottest bath you still have goosebumps from the shivers.

3 days in bed with a hot water bottle and sleeping

3 whole days off doing life

Anyone else resonate?

Sorry for the TMI but I'll get it over with quickly.

90 mins or so ago my Saturday morning lie in ended in the way it often does, with a masturbation induced orgasm.

TMI over 😀

immediately afterwards,.for the first time in my life, a thunderclap headache.

I have read about these before (including on here). I now feel fine, and have since got up, had some toast, had a shower etc. exactly as normal. But I have googled it and it said that if it's the first time I should go to A&E immediately! This seems to go against the advice on here, and I feel absolutely fine now as if nothing happened.

I really don't want to spend the day in a&e but I also really don't want to die! AIBU to ignore Dr Google (who also told me I had skin cancer when I was actually just wearing the wrong clothes in hot weather) or do I really need to have the world's most embarrassing trip to a&e?

My baby is 4 months old. Let me start by saying, if I had read one of these posts before I had my baby then I would have rolled my eyes and said that a 4 month old isn’t showing signs of autism.

However, I don’t understand how my baby can show these developmental signs and not receive a diagnosis in the future?

I am a teacher and my previous role was in an SEN base. Everyone in my family is saying I’m just focussing on things that every baby does but I am seeing them as signs of autism because of my experience.

Signs I’m seeing:

• Lack of eye contact. This is the biggest one. From about 10 weeks old, she will actively avoid eye contact when being held. Everyone told me that my baby would stare into my soul. Sometimes she will but only from a distance - on the changing table, from the play mat, in the pram but as soon as she is held she will actively avoid looking at me or whoever is holding her. She will move her head to the side to look away. She will not make eye contact when feeding at all really - she will very rarely. This is the hardest one for me because I am finding it quite difficult to bond as she would rather look anywhere else than at me. This hurts my child development brain as it’s really hard to engage/sing/chat to a baby who will not look at me.
• Her toes are constantly scrunched/curled. It’s not all the time but majority of the day, she will be keeping her toes scrunched and curled. She is able to flatten them however a lot of the time she keeps them in this position. I am worried this is sensory and is this the start of tiptoe walking? She also keeps her thumbs tucked when reaching or grabbing things.
• She stiffens her body when excited or angry. She will make fists with her hands and hold them out in front of her and shake slightly and straighten her legs. At first I thought she is so excited, she doesn’t know what to do with her body. But I watched a TikTok video and the first sign a lady noticed in her baby was stiffening. So obviously now I’m hyper alert to this and it’s just added to the signs.
• She is happy to entertain herself. She doesn’t seek attention and will happily lay on her playmat for a while without looking for me or wanting attention. When she wakes in the morning she will just lay in the next to me looking around or making noises to herself until I go in to get her. Shes happy looking at the light fitting or the curtains.
• In general, only cries if she is very hungry or very tired. I’ve heard this is a sign.
• She is an extremely fussy feeder. It is a struggle to get her to finish a bottle. She turns her head away. Spits the bottle out. Wriggles around.
• Extreme reactions to loud sounds e.g hair dryer / someone sneezing / most recently the hand dryer.
• Now I feel like I’m noticing stimming such as rubbing her feet together and her hands seem quite twirly.
• She also arches her back away when being held. Is quite stiff in general.
• She rolled front to back at 3.5 months for 2 days and she hasn’t done it again. Is this a regression of skills? She isn’t rolling back to front although I know this is up to 6 month skill.
• Shes not laughing or giggling.

Things I’m not worried about.

• She is a very smiley happy baby.
• She can be very engaged when not being held - when she is laying down, she will look and give lovely smiles and chat to you.
• great eye tracking. Will follow you around the room, up the stairs. We call her nosy rosy because she is always watching when someone is walking around the room.
• She sleeps 12 hrs at night with 1 or 2 wake ups.
• Holds her head up
• Grabs toys, bats at toys. Will reach for toys when doing tummy time. Brings hands to mouth. Able to put toys in mouth.
• Can be chatty - although it feels like this has got less the past few weeks and she can be quiet.

Im actually not sure what the point of this post is. If it was one or two signs then I wouldn’t be as worried but having so many signs (there are more but those are the most concerning) I’m a concerned mum who wants to support my baby in the best way. Does anyone have any experience of these developments in a baby? How can I support my baby? Thank you for reading.

I’ve come back from my holiday and done the laundry and vacuumed packed my summer clothes. I wouldn’t say I buy clothes that often but I’ve brought out my winter stuff and I am OVERWHELMED by the amount of things I own and I don’t even like most of it!!

Any advice on how to streamline this?

I love pretty much everything Sharon Hogan wears in all her recent TV shows. just saw the ad for her new show.

Please help me dress like her find me pieces that will make me look like her even though I look nothing like her physically. I wish to look Sharon Hogan chic.

Hi, wondered if anyone recalled a recommendation in the Times' Saturday magazine a month or so ago re moisturisers, I think, or after-sun lotions? This one stood out because it was thoroughly recommended as a last resort because of sun damage but admitted, okay it's over £100 but sometimes needs must?

It was in that Top 10 slot they tend to have near the back of the magazine?

I have enjoyed 2026's heatwave but now rue the day - or months - out in the sun.

My 17yo has a job in a small village pub. The Sunday shift is 7 hours, and they get a break and food.

Today my daughter didn’t get a break or any food but the other members of staff did.

She said she didn’t ask as she kept thinking it would be her next. But also I don’t think she would have anyway

She has come home tired from working for 7 hours non stop, and is upset about it.

I am upset for her and want to go and ask why she didn’t get a break and say it’s not acceptable but I also think she has to sort her own battles out. She works hard there and is meant to do 2 shifts a week but is often asked and willing to do extra.

So the AIBU is

You are being unreasonable. Of course you shouldn’t go in

You are not being unreasonable. You should go in

Any tips on how fellow parents have managed feelings like this as your children are growing up and becoming independent. I feel responsible for not teaching her how to stand up for herself

To give context, I had my daughter a year ago and chose a French inspired name that matched with my first daughters. We actually had the name on the short list for my first daughter too who is 3. It’s in the top 100 UK names at just under 50 and is climbing!

My male cousin, who is 10+ years older than me and his wife are FURIOUS that our second daughters name is the same as their youngest! she is around 7 years old.

I’m sure at the time they chose the name it was quite uncommon. It’s really not now! As mentioned it’s in the top UK names at just under 50 and is increasing in popularity.

We live in opposite ends of the UK. Literally different countries. In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday. We have met their children twice. We don’t talk/ even have each other on social media.

They have ripped us apart to our grandparents. We have been called self absorbed, disgusting and selfish. This was all happening whilst my daughter was in hospital for 2 weeks as a newborn. We have been accused of ‘replacing’ their daughter in the family by using her name. They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event! We’ve been hearing this for over a year and it’s continuing. The latest is I have personally destroyed the family for using their name and should have asked their permission before doing so. None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop.

I can honestly say when choosing our name the fact they had the same one did not even enter my head as something that should be considered/ could be an issue. We never even had a conversation as a family/with my parents or siblings etc whether it could be a reason not to use it. It was something me and my husband chose after trawling the internet and going through our narrowed down lists from my first daughter. It’s a gorgeous name that matches my firsts perfectly and was one of the few we agreed on. I don’t know if my mind set is just entirely different to others but I can genuinely say that someone else using the same name as one of my children whether they be family or friends would NOT bother me at all. They are gorgeous names and I don’t think you can claim exclusivity over a name. Just to confirm it is not something made up or really unusual.

I would understand the issue more if they lived close by/ they would be in the same school/ same age/ same friends/ same surname/ we were close friends - but none of the above are true.

& to add the very best part to the story… their first daughter has an extremely common name. Top 3 for the last ten years. Our other cousin has used the exact same name (though spelt differently by one letter) and there has been no issue with that at all!!

I honestly think the whole situation is bizarre. Suppose I just want to gauge how many people it would actually bother?