My 97 yr old mum has amazingly managed to live independently at home with very little help - until now.

She has had 2 falls in quick succession, one of which was a week ago and entailed a deep gash to her head. She was thoroughly tested and checked at A&E but it seems to have made her short term memory even worse than before. Neither my brother nor I live near her and we have been taking it in turns to look after her this week.

During this time a room became available in our first choice of care home in my home town, and we have said we'll take it.

The problem is that (1) she is still VERY resistant to this and (2) she instantly forgets all previous conversations, even something said 10 seconds earlier.

This means that for the last 3 days I have been in a never ending nightmarish loop, where I have to gently explain what's happening next, why it's happening, how it is now a matter of her personal safety and our permanent worry, etc etc. And every time it's as if I've never mentioned it before.

A few times she has come round to agreeing how lovely it would be to see family every day and how lucky she is to have such caring children. But then it's all forgotten and back to square 1 all over again.

I am beyond stressed, hardly sleeping and wondering how on earth I am going to go through with this, even though it is a no brainer and we have no alternative. I think I'm slowly losing my mind. The repetition is brutal.

I'm sorry to rant and I'm not sure how any of you can help, but thanks for listening.

I hope all the evil scum in this video get what’s coming to them. Absolute bastards and oxygen thieves.

metro.co.uk/2026/10/06/dairy-farmers-hit-drag-swear-cows-gold-standard-farm-29562604/amp/

Im autistic, diagnosed mid 30s and am now post menopause early 50s.
ive put on a menopausal middle and although I eat really well and exercise my body is as good as its going to get unless I increase sessions which I just don’t have space to do.

im probably size 10-12 with sloping boobs and belly. I’m wide hipped and look like a triangle. I’m very self conscious of my pin head and frizzy hair which I’ve spent soooo much money on to try to improve.

I realised today (we are on holiday) that I am ashamed of myself. I think when younger I was fairly attractive and this made up a tiny bit for the autistic social crapness and confidence within NT society.

I realised I am analysing people’s reactions to me and feeling ashamed of how I look and assuming they think I’m pathetic, frumpy, poor, all the negative things we hear about women.

its awful. I’ve started scuttling around, head down, can’t look in the mirror at the hairdressers, am apologetic in my interactions with people.

how on earth do I turn this around?

I'm in agony and not sure why. It came on quite suddenly. It definitely feels nerve and muscle related and is kind of radiating everywhere across my back. Pain relief and heat works but what is actually going to make it go away and get better? It feels like all my nerves are on high alert everywhere.

How does he do it?! Anyone know?

(Please look up his videos if you don't know who he is)

It’s a few years old now but I only started watching it a few days ago.
It’s like nothing I’ve seen before and I need to discuss!

I was with some fairly new Canadian friends recently and "Valarie" by Amy Winehouse came on. I immediately started humming/singing along and one of them asked “what's this song?” I said (probably with a confused expression) “ It's... Valerie... by Amy Winehouse...” and they both said they'd never heard of her.

Now, I KNOW. I KNOW there are massive cultural, generational and geographical differences in what people know. Obviously I do. But for some reason Amy Winehouse is just so completely embedded in my personal schema that for a second I genuinely couldn't compute someone not knowing who she was. She feels (to me) like one of those people who are simply there in people's consciousness; whether you actually like them or they were ever particularly relevant to your life seems almost beside the point.

It made me realise how funny these little cultural blind spots are. There must be many things that are ubiquitous to one person, that another person has somehow just never encountered.

Have you ever had this happen, where someone didn't know something/person that you genuinely presumed consciously or subconsciously was universal known? And do you have a “surely EVERYONE knows who/what they are” person (or thing etc) that you'd be surprised if someone had no knowledge of that thing?

I broke up with my ex earlier this year but can’t help ruminating on some of the stuff he did to me over the years and just wondering if others agree that this stuff is truly awful or am I being dramatic? I think I’m only just processing some of it but one of the worst things he did which I can’t stop thinking about is that when I’d just had our youngest child I was up in the night breastfeeding and found loads of messages on his phone to various women on multiple different apps and websites. When I say there were hundreds of apps and thousands of women I’m not exaggerating. He had even been video calling them and doing sexual stuff on camera while I was asleep in the next room. This had been going on throughout my pregnancy and then after our child was born. The baby was only 6 weeks old when I discovered it and I was about to go back to work that week but I had to go to the gp and get signed off as my mental health was so bad.

Anyway he convinced me that it was all my fault and I had been neglecting his needs during the pregnancy. So I forgave him but it mentally just about killed me. I ended up with postpartum psychosis and being hospitalised. I keep having flashbacks of my elderly parents having to stay in the hospital holding my hand until about 4am while I waited for a psych evaluation. And my partner had buggered off back home to sleep 🥲

Not sure exactly what the point of this post is except just to get it out and off my chest and maybe someone out there has been through similar and can relate as I feel quite alone with it all 😕

I’ve struggled with this question for ages. What shoes and boots would make me look vaguely current? And talk me through the relationship between trouser length and shoe/trainer/boot style. Please!

I’m quite short so very tall boots aren’t great.

I'll try to keep this brief.

Good friend, formerly very close - i.e. would spend every weekend together and go on holiday together, each other's go-to person in case of crisis - until he met his partner and moved abroad about 20 years ago. Have known him all my life.

Four times this year he ignored my messages. This has been been interspersed with periods of perfectly normal chatty contact, so I didn't bring it up. There hasn't been any falling out. He was late wishing me a happy birthday (first time ever) a few months ago and since then back to being quiet.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote asking if he was ok, and was ignored again, so this time, after ten days or so (including two weekends in case he was too busy to respond during the week) I did bring it up and said I felt like I was flogging a dead horse, although I really didn't know why.

All of a sudden he's really pissed off, accusing me of being paranoid to automatically think his silence it's to do with me, that he's seriously ill and this is drama he can do without.

AIBU to feel a bit cheesed off, or have I committed some obvious faux pas I'm not aware of? Five times now he's ignored me since January, so I'm hardly being "paranoid". Plus I wrote specifically to find out if all was well, but I'm the arsehole for "creating drama" when he's seriously ill - which I didn't know because he didn't tell me.

I wrote back in very conciliatory tones, sorry to jump to the wrong conclusion, hope he's getting help, is there anything at all I can do.

Just to reiterate, we are (were?) very good friends and the last time I saw him (summer 2025) we met for brunch and were still chatting at about 5pm so yes, we like(d) each other.

Also he's gay, so there are no romantic complications.

My hair's short, layered, cut over the ears, longer than pixie.

I suddenly realised it's been over 3 months since my last cut, I usually go every 6 weeks. I still don't need a cut.
I'm puzzled, & a bit concerned if there's anything wrong.
Any ideas, please ?

Or a third possibility?

Some background for balance. I’ve lived in the house for 5 years, it’s a very old house. Nothing has changed recently. Previous owner died here. I am not religious in any way, do not believe in an afterlife nor in mediums etc. I wouldn’t say I’m a hypochondriac but I am prone to catastrophising illnesses.

Two incidents tonight though have me actually sort of hoping we have a ghost though as I fear I’m on the brink of some sort of brain failure.

Lay in my child’s bed earlier tonight, it’s a double bed, child by the wall and I was on my side facing them, back to the room. We’re usually the o . We’re usually the other way round but the last couple of nights they’ve wanted to go by the wall. Child had just fallen asleep and I felt a breeze like the door had opened and then a nudge on my shoulder. I’d assumed it was my partner coming in to check I’d not fallen asleep (me falling asleep is common). Turn around and no one is there/door is shut.

Then just now, which has prompted this post, even though obviously (?!) it was a dream, I was lay in my bed (true) and could hear said child shouting for me as they often do during the night to go back in with them, when I tried to move I was paralysed flat but managing to spin myself round the bed to grab my partners leg whilst screaming at him to go get our child (none of which happened). It has absolutely terrified me. I can’t tell you how real it all felt.

Is this the start of a brain disease? Or do I just need to move house?

Thanks in advance to those who don’t just reply to mock me. I am normally a very serious, normal sort of person!

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

So im a mum of two (oldest 14) and have never ever left my kids to go away with friends, hardly ever go out. Me and 3 friends decided to book a weekend away for one of their birthdays. Friday-sunday abroad. We booked it a year ago and iv been so so excited to go. Now all my in laws live 8 hours away and father in law hasn't been well with substance abuse, has been going on for years and has gotten worse. Husband has turned round and said he might have to go there next week to help his family out, with it being 8 hours to get there he would be gone at least 3 days, last time was a week. I reminded him im going away and has said well you might need to sort out childcare for them...my family live 2 hours away so if he does go then im gna have to cancel my weekend away. I can't help but feel angry and disappointed. I never put myself first and finally decided to do something for myself and now I might not be able to go. I havent voiced any of this to him as I feel selfish for even thinking this as hes going through alot with his family. But there's always drama with his family as both his parents have struggled with addiction which is why we dont see them alot. He can't even go the following week to see them as we have booked a holiday for half term.

And a retirement party the following day. Complete different people at both events so can wear the same thing as long as I don’t throw red wine over it!

You lot are so good at this and I’ve always been in awe of how quickly some of you find amazing clothes for other people. Any chance you could work your magic again?

Both events will have the same vibe - make an effort but won’t be super glam or too traditional. I’m size 12-14, slightly pear shaped, prefer a v or cowl neck dress. I look quite good in a wrap dress. I hate my legs so at least midi length. Colours - I like green, turquoise, bright blues and occasionally coral, orange and yellow. No black, purple or burgundy. I’ll probably wear sparkly ankle books but other shoe options are available!

Help me please!

Just been into town. Went to Primark, M&S and Next. I am after a winter dress, but primark had no dresses at all, Next only had 2 casual type dresses (both denim shirt type dress), M&S was all brown and beige and over priced.
I don’t have a huge amount of money to spend on clothes, I have gained a little weight (thanks menopause) and my trousers are a little uncomfortable so I wanted a dress that I could layer and wear with tights and boots as it gets cooler, possibly needle cord in a plain colour. I was hoping to grab something in town whilst shopping with dd but the clothes in the shops are just disappointing.

Are there any good online shops with high street prices?

Before anyone suggests vinted, I have been looking but can’t really find what I am looking for…..I’m not even sure I know what I am looking for.

My elderly father has become insufferable. He was a terrible father growing up and we had a strained relationship. He was an abusive alcoholic and eventually separated from my mum when I was in my early teens and then finally stopped drinking many years later.
He is now old and infirm and lives alone after separating 12 years ago from his 3rd wife. He lives in sheltered accommodation which I arranged after being evicted from his rented private property due to it being hoarders paradise and the landlady having enough. I have been present in his life since his divorce and checked in on him periodically. Since moving into his sheltered accommodation a year ago he has declined and has a couple of falls and has become a lot more dependent on me. I have a brother who refuses to have anything to do with him due to childhood trauma and I absolutely understand this as I was there and received the same if not worse treatment. I very much resent my dad and feel like I have been burdened with his care.
He is currently having carers attending twice a day however he usually sends them away and is quite aggressive towards them.
He has sent messages to his ex wife threatening to unalive himself on many occasions and she then calls me to see to him. Today I went to see him with the doctor as he had a fall at the weekend and I was concerned with the gash on his head and he refused medical help. He is drinking again and tried to lie about it saying it wasn't his (no one else has been to his flat)
I find his drinking massively triggering for me and it has brought up a lot of childhood issues which I wasn't expecting. I am at my limit with him and am seriously considering cutting all ties. He is exceptionally manipulative and I very much dislike him. Am I being a terrible person cutting ties for my own mental well-being? Should I continue being present for him ?

Was given one as a present. A nice thought but ........ Every flavour tastes exactly the same, no fruit flavour in the strawberry etc. Just generic vaguely chocolate-y shapes Filled with the same sweet paste. Well OK the nut ones were slightly crunchy.

It's a travesty of how they used to be - I won't buy them and will try to make sure nobody gives them to me again. Yuck! What a shame they've been ruined.

I wonder what you all think of this. This is I’m afraid the first-worldest of first world problems, however it is causing me upset and causing tension within my family, so I’d be genuinely grateful to know if I’m completely in the wrong. (I also saw a similar story about a borrowed house on here yesterday so it’s well timed.)

A couple of years ago, after the sale of part of a business (said evasively so I’m not immediately identifiable) I bought a flat in London. It’s quite small but it’s in a nice part and very central. I bought I guess as dream-come-true thing, so I could go down at weekends for shows and shopping. I also use it occasionally when in London for work, and I’ve always made it clear to my friends and family that they can use it pretty much when they want, and many do which gives me a lot of pleasure.

A few weeks back my DMIL had ‘booked’ it for a weekend, and a few days before the trip she called me quite agitated asking me to drop off the keys. I said “I’m seeing you later in the week before you go, I’ll pass them over then”, but she kept insisting she wanted them in plenty of time. She is a bit sneaky in many ways and I smelled a rat, so then I said (untruthfully, but I wanted to put her on the spot) “Actually I’m going to be in London on Friday, I’ll see you at the flat.”

Long story short, it turned out she’d decided not to go down, so had told a friend of her precious eldest child that he could borrow the flat that weekend. This friend is someone I don’t particularly like or trust and wouldn’t have considered close enough to lend my flat to.

I’ve been told I’m being “selfish” and “rude”, and that I’ve “let him down and left him with nowhere to stay”. DMIL also said that the flat was hers for the weekend so she assumed she could do as she wished with it, and doesn’t see the problem.

In anger I said: “You obviously didn’t think it was fine because you lied about it.” I also said “I said you could borrow it, I didn’t sell you a **ing timeshare you could pass on.” I shouldn’t have sworn but I feel she’s been dishonest and incredibly presumptuous. I don’t feel I’ve let this person down as I never promised them anything.

Am I being unreasonable?

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5571945-celebrity-traitors-s2?page=1

This is a tv pace thread so make sure you’re up to date with the live broadcast and yes, previous series (regular and celeb) will be discussed!

Please no spoilers if you read them online!

The story so far (as of end of episode 1)

Traitors
Maya Jama
Richard E Grant

Faithful
Bella Ramsey
James Blunt
Jerry Hall
Joanne McNally
Joe Lycett
Julie Hesmondhalgh
King Kenny
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Michael Sheen
Miranda Hart
Myha’la
Professor Hannah Fry
Rob Beckett
Romesh Ranganathan
Ross Kemp
Sebastian Croft
Sharon Rooney

Potential Recruit/Murder
Amol Rajan
James Acaster

Dd1 (about to be 17) is very particular. They cannot feel sweaty. They must be machine washable. They need a substantial sole you cannot feel the floor through. I doubt get feet will grow now so happy to spend a bit.

please tell me about your non awful slippers and dd2 and I are happy with fluffy ones from Tesco’s 😂

Does anyone else get annoyed by the term ‘reset’ when someone just means tidy up? I’ve seen it on threads where people ‘reset’ a room, and even a local cleaning company offers to ‘reset your house.
makes my teeth itch.
aibu?

I am a huge fan of the M&S long-sleeved thermal tops. The very warm ones that have a sort of fleecy layer inside. They are warmer and softer than anything else I've tried.

My DP would like something similar but M&S thermal tops for men are very different and nowhere as warm. We did try getting a larger size in the women's range for DP but the neckline doesn't work.

Can anyone recommend some very warm thermal tops for men? Something that, ideally, is slightly fleecy on the inside? No (merino) wool please. Thank you.

Hello. I am at a last resort to post here.
My daughter is 9, I have referred her for a possible adhd diagnosis.
The teacher she had last year noticed lots of fidgeting, can't sit still, always has to be on the go doing something, picking at the peeling skin on her hands

But for the last couple of months my daughter is stealing
Money from her dads wallet, to the tune of 50 pound, money from friends to the point she's now not allowed back in their house
And she has walked into the shop and stolen from there too.

She's stolen from classmates, usually lip gloss or hair bobbles. She's stolen from her teacher usually post it notes or a high lighter

A parent has just approached me to say she noticed her child's tooth fairy money is missing and my daughter was the last person in the childs room playing with them.
I am distraught and embarrassed

I genuinely do not know what to do here. She will be made to give the money back as always, but she doesn't seem to care. I can promise you now she will not be bothered.
Grounding her doesn't work as again she doesn't seem to care, she doesn't have a tablet to take off her. Shouting at her doesn't work, I cannot stress enough how unbothered she is about what she has gone. She will not show any emotion

My younger daughter is starting to copy this behaviour and steal from the shop and her classmates. I am genuinely very worried for them ending up in trouble with the police and or having no friends left

I have already spoken to the Additional support needs teachers within the school as they helped me to do the referal but they did admit its about a 50 month waiting list. I do not have money to go private. I know I can't excuse her behaviour as having adhd but I can't figure out why she is behaving like this.

Me and her dad are still together, we've been together almost 13 years so its not like she's got trauma from that, nobody in the family has passed away recently. I genuinely cannot explain what is going on

Hello fellow bargain hunters, Amazon has launched (yet another) Prime Day sale today, so we’ve been cross-referencing some of our top-tested products with what’s on offer to find the deals that are genuinely worth a look.

From robot vacuums to baby gear and beauty buys, there’s plenty catching my eye. Have you spotted any good deals this time? Share them below.

Here are a few I’m eyeing up:
Crockpot Lift & Serve Digital Slow Cooker was £83, now £31: Impressively easy to use and clean, the Lift & Serve is our top-tested slow cooker. Our tester especially liked the keep-warm function. At £31, I’m considering taking the leap into slow cooking…

Amazon Fire HD 10 Kids tablet (newest gen), was £200, now £115. Our tester really liked the 2023 version of the Fire 10, and you can now get the latest gen for 43% off.

CeraVe Eye Repair Cream,was £15, now £8 A familiar, no-fuss skincare buy at under a tenner. Mumsnet users have praised how hydrating it feels. Fillybuster says: “Love this. Have already RPd. Two more in stash!”

Take a look at our round-up of top finds in the Prime day sale for more deals from MNHQ. And if you’ve spotted something worth splashing out on, share it with your fellow MNers below.

Prices are correct at the time of writing. This post contains affiliate links, which means Mumsnet earns a small commission if you buy something through them. See our terms of use for more info.