For about 18 months DH did all the laundry, but we're swapping jobs, partly because all our clothes now smell... I don't seem to be able to get on top of this, so I need advice! What I've done so far

• Clean the seal (handfuls of sludge, but it's still spotty w mould stains which I can't get off, even after following all the instructions I can find
• Used washing machine cleaner
• Run a 90 degree wash
• Used white vinegar
• Cleaned the filter and the drawer, and always leave the door open

The machine itself doesn't really smell any more, but the laundry - in particular towels - often smells horrible. The towels can't really be used for more than 2 days, which is hopeless.

I line dry everything - easy this summer, so I don't think this is a drying problem. In the winter we have a hanging laundry thing and a dehumidifier. I usually use Ecoleaf liquid detergent, but we are almost at the end of that, so I'm up for trying other things.

I either need to use non bio for everything, or to separate out my son's stuff (he's got horrible eczema-prone skin) which I would do for a while, if it allowed me to wash whatever has got into the clothes out again!

Suggestions? Advice? Thank you!

Not really an AIBU but interested in what people have to say. I’ve noticed on mumsnet and particularly in a recent thread in which the op lent her dh a significant chunk of money and people were aghast she was expecting him to pay it back, that the consensus seems to be everyone shares all money in a marital pot. Is everyone really doing this?

I am on my second marriage to be fair and my husband is not my children’s father, with no plans to have children of our own. If relevant, he has none of his own. Maybe it’s different because my financial decisions are made with my children’s protection in mind should anything happen to me. My husband is aware and in agreement.

We bought our house each with the same deposit and we have a joint account into which we each pay half of the cost of the mortgage and household bills, subscriptions etc and an extra 400 a month each which is just extra and saved for things like holidays or new furniture / house stuff.

independently of that, we each have our own savings, current account and discretionary spending. I have more in savings and discretionary spending because I earn more. Sure if we want an extra holiday I cover it and I pay for the cleaner because I earn more and I can justify the cost but other than that money is separate and bills split.

We own our house as joint tenants each owning 50% meaning my half is bequeathed to my kids although he will have the right to live in it indefinitely. a life insurance policy would pay off the mortgage. I have c250k in death in service benefit that would be 1/3 his (I have two kids each getting a third) if I died and he’s welcome to what savings I have (not loads but a chunk).

we can’t be the only couple like this can we? We are both very happy with the arrangement. Even when I was married to my kids’ dad this was our arrangement. Although I was the lower earner then, I was happy with it. Am I just wholly unromantic?

iabu: all couples share everything and you’re the odd one out

ianbu: it’s normal to keep your own money in a marriage

I’m on a bit of a goal to look younger this year (or at least look less tired 😂) and I’ve been researching and started Botox, Sculptra and tretinoin

I’d love to hear from anyone else who has actually tried any of these...

Botox- How did you find the results? Did it make a noticeable difference to forehead lines, frown lines or crow’s feet? How long did your Botox results last, and did you feel it looked natural?

Sculptra- I’m particularly curious about this one because it seems quite different from traditional filler. Has anyone had Sculptra in the UK for collagen stimulation, skin firmness or facial ageing? How many treatments did you have and when did you start seeing results?

Tretinoin - Has anyone been prescribed tretinoin in the UK for anti-ageing, fine lines, pigmentation or skin texture? I’m wondering whether it’s genuinely worth the irritation and how long it took before you noticed a difference.

If you’ve tried one, two or all three, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience... especially results, side effects, cost, downtime and whether you’d do it again.

Or any other treatments anyone has tried that they would recommend?

Basically, what actually worked for you.

Posting here rather than on the Travel board, because if you’re here in August you must love Christmas 😊

Where is the most Christmassy festive place you have been? I want to go somewhere in December, either a day trip, weekend or short break. I want it to be wonderfully festive, not just a Christmas market, it must be Christmas from beginning to end.

Not Lapland - done that several times already - but anywhere else at all.

Mums, did any of you have gut feelings that pregnancy and children weren’t on the cards for you whilst TTC? My husband and I have been trying for our first for 4 months and last month I had a chemical pregnancy - I long to build our family together and to be lucky enough to go through the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and motherhood but I have a strange feeling that it just won’t happen for me, anybody else felt like this and then it happened, tell me your stories? Wishing and hoping that this next cycle is the one x

Has anyone watched Ludwig on the BBC? I’ve watched the first series and started on the second. Anne Maxwell Martin plays the female lead, and I am just fascinated by her character’s style. Her hair is a very odd bob with a too short fringe and looks like she has cut it herself with kitchen scissors. Her dress style in the second season is an odd mix of old fashioned school girl (knock knees, short pleated skirts, white ankle socks and big Clarks shoes), and 70s/80s woman - striped polonecks, maroon anorak. It’s like she’s dressed from a school jumble sale.

What style is this? Why have they chosen it and who dresses like this in real life?

I think I’m fascinated because its so far from anything i could ever wear (big boobs, big hips). And I love the house her character lives in - I guess a lot of the clothing choices reflect that 70s / 80s vibe.

I’m looking for waterless shampoo caps for my DMIL.
There are so many brands! Are they all pretty much the same? Thank you 😊

I've decided to treat myself, but I don't know where to start.

Firstly I don't know what else to call the kind of bag I'm after, hence "status" bag. I like Chanel, LV, which I know some fashionistas like to sneer at, so please, if that's you, respect that we all have different preferences.

I'm looking for a lovely every day bag, that I don't look stupid with on the school run etc. We live rurally, and didn't before, so all my Chanel and LV with chain straps etc would look majorly over done and I'd feel ridiculous wandering round town on casual shop with one. I do sometimes take my neverful but I'd like something much smaller. Slouchy and comfy as opposed to stiff leather.

What's a casual but still "status" bag that I could go for? I don't like massive gold logos etc like the GG Gucci bags, or the ones with big YSLs down the front. I would like it to be recognisable as branded, but from close up, not from across the street if you see what I mean.

Thank you.

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

I realised far too late parenting is not for me, although I still hope things will get better. I had a very unrealistic idea of just how much work small children are.

As a result the last few years have been some of the most miserable of my life and I’ve been wrung out, stressed, exhausted and depleted in every single way from every single part of my life.

Like I say, I am hoping it might get better.

But I’m told by others often with a game chuckle that I’ll miss it one day. That these are the best days (can’t see it myself) and I’ll long for these days in ten years.

Are they fucking mental or what?

Can I ask how much people pay for botox? I just want a single area doing, the vertical lines between my eyebrows. I want to go to someone qualified, a nurse or doc preferably! The price range seems so huge so I was just wondering what is 'normal'?

Longtime lurker, first time poster... I've just returned from a lovely week abroad with the boyfriend, while the DCs were staying at their Dad's, or so I thought...
Calls and texts from the police told me otherwise. DD15 told her dad she was on a sleepover elsewhere and threw a "gathering" at my house. Word got out, randoms turned up, stealing precious items and trashing the house and garden. Fortunately a neighbour called the police, who ended the party. DD15 was very drunk, the police and called and texted me (I didn't see this until the morning) and eventually turned up on her dad's doorstep.

It's the classic tale... but I didn't expect this for another few years - DD only just turned 15 last month. She has cleaned up a bit and I paid for a cleaner to come while away, but there is still a lot of damage: broken furniture, lots of broken glass inside and out, indoor plants emptied outside, smashed pictures, stolen jewellery and DS's prized sports medal collection. The house was egged inside and out, lots of unreachable egg on the second floor windows. They found my fire extinguisher and set it off inside the house. It still smells a week on of damp. Packets of lentils emptied throughout, including in the above ground pool.
I feel that I have been drip fed information about this and that it is so much worse than described, I feel violated, angry and deeply upset.

For a little context, I've had a bad month in which our beloved (and very old) family dog died, my car died and I lost my freelance contract, so suddenly find myself without any work, money and no money coming at the month end as I would have to go to court to get it - and it's not worth the stress with this particular client. So I would love some advice as to what to do and also whether IABU to be so devastated by this and so angry.

DD needs consequences. Her dad has already let go of the grounding we agreed to and she was out with her friends already one night this week. So I don't think we will be on the same page.

I'm also just so broken at the moment from the other things that have been going on, that further conflict feels like something I will not welcome!

Would would you do in this situation?

Looking for people's thoughts on changing a small ensuite into a wardrobe/office. We have an upstairs bathroom and downstairs wc 2 bedrooms 1 box room. Overall space limited in house so looking to utilise as much as possible. Would you keep ensuite or change?

I have been trying to grow out my grey with "grey blending" for several years now - the first attempt 3 years ago was a disaster and I lost 12 inches of hair due to over-processing. I'm having another go since the damage has grown out and I'm 9-10 months in, but I feel like it still looks awful.

Bearing in mind the images won't load immediately while they're waiting for approval, the first two are what I was looking for; the others are my actual hair which is 3 sessions of "grey blending" using high lift, not bleach, approx 10 months after I last had it dyed one colour at a salon. At the last scheduled session 3 months ago I mentioned that I hadn't actually wanted to go lighter all over to disguise the grey (I only have grey at the front and temples, very little anywhere else), I had just wanted to smudge the line as it grew out but otherwise stay dark throughout the rest. I also asked if there was a way to tone down or break up the warm ends. They seemed very sceptical, said a toner to get rid of the yellow/copper tones wouldn't work and there was no point putting any darker sections back in (?), so this is what I'm left with.

I accept that there will be warmth where there was previously salon dye. What I wasn't expecting, was for the rest of my hair to be light - so now I have the opposite problem (dark roots and gold ends) on the rest of my head. How do I ask a stylist to break up the warmth at the ends with some cool/neutral browns but preserve the grown out grey? Without it going wrong again? Surely there's something I can do to get closer to what I wanted, without cutting it all off again?

Just as above really! I seem to get less skin reactions from using plain oils (coconut, almond, rosehip etc) to moisturise my face and body rather than creams. Does anyone else do this? And how long have you done this for?

I don’t have any children of my own, but I am in a relationship to a man who has a little girl. We’ve been together 3 years, and we’ve just moved in together. Little girl is 6.

I’ve always understood the importance of being a stable, caring and loving person for DSD. I love her a lot, and care about her. There’s been times when she’s been unwell and I’ve looked after her, I drop her to school and pick her up (when she’s at home with us, or when her mum needs some help). I’ve made christmases and birthdays special. I only very occasionally see my friends as I work long hours, and the journey is very well - at weekends, DP expects me to be at home with him and DSD, which I do understand.

DSD (I think) loves me. She will come to me for bedtime stories, when she’s crying. I take her out on my own to play centres/museums.

All in all, I have tried very hard to be a good stepmum (I know I’m not technically a stepmum as we’re not yet married, but I see her as my stepchild).

During an argument the other day, DP told me that I was “expecting too much romance”, because I suggested that on a Friday night (when DSD is not at home with us), we plan a date night/activity for us to do. He said that this is a life of a parent, and on Fridays when he’s not having to parent he wants to see his friends.

I said relationships need nurturing, and we need to make time for each other. Again he said, this is parenting. I spoke to my friends who have their own children and they said to me I wasn’t being unreasonable, and that of course we need time (when Dsd is naturally not here) to be a couple.

DP took great offence to this and said that I should be happy spending time as a 3. I reassured him I was, but that I also valued time with just him.

He told me, in no uncertain terms, that my main focus in life should be his daughter. He said that he should come second to this. I tried to explain that I understood this was his experience - that his daughter is of course his main priority, and I am not upset that I am second. I then said, but I am firstly your partner, my relationship with DSD exists because of that relationship.

This really upset him. I kept saying, I love your daughter, I understand her needs and nurturing are the number one priority - but to me, I also need time with him (when it naturally comes up) to be a couple.

DP told me to get this out of my head, and that I need to love his daughter more than him.

Just to clarify as I know this is very long:

1. I love his daughter. I’ve never had any issues being a stepparent.
2. I encourage DP to spend as much time as possible with her - I encourage him to take “extra” days when her mum asks as it’s good for their relationship
3. I’ve told him I love spending time with his daughter, and I genuinely do. I plan lovely days for us all.
4. I’ve also expressed that it’s important our “couple identity” doesn’t get lost (which my friends have said is normal even when people share a child biologically)
5. Dp thinks my main focus should be his daughter, and that I should love her more than I love him
6. I’ve told him I understand this is his experience, and it’s a very reasonable experience. But it’s not my experience.
7. He’s now upset and says I don’t care about his daughter

AIBU?

Adult daughter 22 is not a fan of roast dinners. She asked me if I could not do a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to. However I had a chicken in freezer that needed using up today but I did make a pasta bake which is something she likes as an alternative. I like to make a family dinner on a Sunday for us all. Daughter was disappointed about the roast but I explained to her I had to use chicken up but I did make something she liked as alternative. She said to me you told me you wouldn’t make a roast and she looked upset. She didn’t go hungry though as she had Cottage Pie after saying there’s nothing to eat. AIBU to of made the roast even though there was pasta dish as alternative or was she being unreasonable here as I feel bad about it.

Just to satisfy my itching brain!
Had a dream last night which featured an actor walking across a car park. He seemed familiar and I'm sure he's a real person.
The problem is, I can't think of much detail.
He's the sort of person who'd be in drama things like murder mysteries or maybe period dramas of the 1920s/1930s - he'd be playing a hotel proprietor type character.
I think he's fairly tall. He's an older actor - or at least, was then - he may have died.
White hair, with a bit of a wave, sometimes worn slicked back. A bit 'jowly' but not with a particularly wide face and has a moustache.
It's NOT Richard Griffiths. There's a similarity but the actor I'm thinking of has a narrower face than that and I don't think he has glasses.

Any ideas?

Yet another new thread for more Sussex shenanigans!

Hello, I'd like your thoughts please. My nephew (9) likes to play with my children (similar age) but often ends up hurting them. That has happened a few years now but hes getting bigger and the hurt is dangerous now. The most severe incidents have been attempted drowning in the pool on holiday. My children don't want to be alone with him any more and of course I honour that and want to protect them so I supervise all playtime. But sometimes the nephew is sneaky with his behaviour and I see the hurt just afterwards. He is aware that I watch and sometimes says 'come over here where your mum can't see us.'

His parents do not address the behaviour. They behave as if my account of what happened or my children's account isn't true/important and there are no consequences or sitting down with him to discuss his behaviour. They simply remove him and find something else to do, but that hasn't been effective. Other members of the family say he's always looking forward to seeing my kids, but I won't have them as his guinea pigs for playdates.

We have a family holiday coming up again and my children don't want to go. I want to keep them away and keep them safe so do not want to attend but my husband disagrees because he doesn't want to let down family.

Your advice please. Is there anything I can do to make family time safe? l can't think of what else to do but supervise but that has not been good enough. If we don't go on the holiday, how do I explain that to family?

Thank you

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

So I work part time as a server at a cafe, and am friends with one of the chefs.

I started in April, and asked him a WhatsApp question in May. From that point on we started chatting a bit on WhatsApp- mainly work gossip. He's very friendly with everyone, and has a girlfriend who he brought up early on in the chats.

A couple of nights ago he seemed either a bit drunk or over tired.
I asked him ''Can I ask you a question about the shifts''? and he replied with ''You can do anything my dear 😘 ' '
I then said I hadn't said goodbye because I was serving a table, and he said ''When I left you were other side of restaurant, I was upset'' with another kiss emoji.
He then asked me if I wanted to see an email chain about a colleague, and I said yes. There was then a bit more chat and he said ''Right, I need you to be with me rn''. I replied with the chain emoji and he came back with ''Filthy c'' ( just using the letter, but I can guess what that means)!

I was confused and a bit taken aback, but he then said '' Okay, ignoring hand cuffs'' and carried on describing the gossip- I think he thought that was what the link emoji was!

The next day all his messages were the same as the other chats we had, neutral, totally platonic, referencing his girlfriend etc.

I don't know if I should feel guilty about the above exchange considering his girlfriend, or just carry on as if nothing happened, which it basically didn't?

The kiss emojis could be just friendly, I can see him using them with anyone to be honest, although I'm not sure.
The phrase ''I need you to be with me right now'' I wouldn't use if I was in a relationship. However I think he may have just meant 'be with me' as in be present for the gossip
The reaction to that link emoji was a bit strong, but he then shut it down quickly saying he was ignoring it.

Do I have anything to be guilty about considering he's attached? All my replies to the above were laugh emojis

Oh and his girlfriend by the way is a new relationship after liking her for a bit, and she's from a conservative culture so I'm not sure they're intimate yet. So I doubt she's around when he's texting me in the evenings.

Regarding if he should be messaging me in the evenings, we work night shifts and it's often coming off shift with gossip etc, so that's not unusual

Was Paul Newman, discuss

We're moving into a new house and I spend a lot of time deliberating over which colour to paint my bedroom. Green is my favourite colour and a lot of things I own are green - clothes, my phone, my car, my old car and much more. I considered other colours but thought I should go with green as it's my favourite... what could go wrong?

Well the shade of green I've chosen is proving tricky to work with and I now see a lot of inspiration pictures on instagram making me regret my choice. You will see from the photo it's not horrible but the problem is I also want green lampshades, curtains, accessories etc. Which is too much bloody green. If I'd gone with a more neutral colour I could've had green as the accent! I'd repaint it right now but it's a big room and the paint was quite expensive, I got it from Valspar at B&Q and they gave me heavy duty instead of normal so it was a bit dear.

What do I do, repaint the room or just deal with it. I think I want cream carpet but don't really want cream curtains, it's a bit plain. I actually want deep blood red curtains but most people in my life are telling me they will look awful!

YABU - it's fine (give me ideas for which other colours I could incorporate)
YANBU - repaint it!!

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?