Toddler grandchild (18mths) can’t stay in the travel cot anymore due to climbing out.

I was looking at the toddler inflatable beds. Does anyone use them? Do they stay inflated? Are your toddlers happy to sleep on them?

Well it's here....

https://www.johnlewis.com/content/christmas-advert

And I hate those bratty kids already LOL 😂😂😂

Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush……..

Twas the night before the US Midterms...

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendation are, here is the newest campaign blurb
https://beready.campaign.gov.uk/

Not going to do a status report this time, mainly because it's all about What Trump Does Next right now.

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5591677-crisis-what-crisis-the-one-you-start-to-wish-youd-stockpiled-like-your-crazy-friend-continuation-thread-3?page=1

I took a cab yesterday. I asked the driver to go a certain way (the cheapest) he didn't like it, but went. We got to a crossroads, when we were on top he asked which way, I didn't have time to answer so he went straight on. I said oh we are. Not going the cheapest way. He then turned and said don't threaten me, I can turn nasty when provoked. We then had an argument, I said drop me as soon as you can. I then had a 10 minute walk to my destination. I have a bad heart. And I am. 76. Not old these days but still not young. I'm. Not going do pretend that I am a sweet innocent. I then called him a f###### moron. But I was shaking, and he frightened me. What would you have done?
.

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

I'm really torn at the moment and could use a sanity check. I've been offered a new role paying £38,000, which initially sounded like a great step up from my current £32,000 job. The catch is that the new office is a 50-minute commute each way by train, whereas my current workplace is only 15 minutes from home.

I sat down this morning to work out how much better off I'd actually be each month. Once tax and National Insurance take their chunk out of the extra £6k, and I subtract the monthly rail season ticket and extra travel costs, the £38k job literally leaves me with about £45 a month more in my pocket — in exchange for losing nearly 40 hours a month sitting on a train.

I actually ran both postcodes through the take-home pay and commute calculator on jobbri.co.uk just to double-check I wasn't going mad, and seeing the net monthly pay next to the door-to-door travel time really put me off accepting it. I'm now leaning towards turning it down and just looking for direct local employers closer to home.

Am I being silly turning down a higher salary on paper for the sake of a short commute, or would you stay put on £32k?

Continuing the docky wock

don’t want to jinx it by referring to potentially Jaily Wail

I’m 30 if that makes any difference. I know lots of posters are older. (Not that it should matter, we can all wear whatever we like).

DS is 8. His grandparents have him 1-2 nights a week as DS’ dad (their son) no longer sees him, unless in passing when at their house.

For years, DS’ behaviour has been bad at their house.They say they find him difficult to control, he doesn’t listen, shouts, talks back, throws things etc. I’ve genuinely never seen this behaviour myself, and he’s very good when with me.

He loved spending time with them and is always excited to go.

He called me from his grandmother’s phone last night in tears, saying that grandad had hurt him by smacking him across the bottom. Grandad admitted this in the background. Said it was because he was being very “gobby” and threw the remote across the room.

AIBU to stop him from going there again, or could this be discussed?

If they can no longer have him, I’ll have to leave my profession as won’t have the childcare.

About 3 years ago my husband started sleeping in the spare room due to his incessant snoring. Not only did it wake me up in the night, it stopped me from getting to sleep. I couldn't use ear plugs because I had to be on call overnight sometimes for my work and also my Mum was getting frail and she may have needed to contact me at night. He is also a light sleeper, and would often wake me up when he was getting up in the night to go downstairs if he couldn't sleep ( he would inevitably drop his phone on the bedroom floor when doing that , which meant I was seething with fury and couldn't get back to sleep!!) Any way..... three years later I have retired from work, my mum died and my husband lost weight and doesn't seem to snore. But, I don't want to ever share a bed with anyone ever again. My husband also seems happy with the arrangement. I love my own space, to read as long as I like, paint my nails at bedtime, have the room / bed as warm/cool as I like, listen to podcasts. So why do I feel that it is an admission of failure? That married couples should somehow sleep together, like my parents and grandparents did? I shouldn't care what people think, but I never tell friends/family that we don't sleep in the same bed if the subject ever comes up. It kind of feels like separate beds equals emotional distance too. We get on fine, we been together 30 years with the usual ups and downs. Does anyone else have this arrangement? If so do you feel a bit uneasy about it? Or are we just conditioned to sleep in the same bed as our partners?

This is going to be a long one, so apologies. I just want to get this off my chest.

DH and I have been together since we were 20, friends since 18. We’re now 31. Things were really good - not perfect, there were some things I struggled with that I never brought up to keep the peace; he’s never once tried to give me an orgasm, has never really flirted with me or shown romantic affection because it’s not who he is, little things like will ask if I'm ready to leave somewhere and then walks off out the door before he's looked back to see I'm still putting my coat on etc. We’re quite mismatched in terms of me having very big dreams and ambitions and him genuinely having zero. But he’s inherently a good, kind man - always offering to do things, cooks every night, works hard, never argues. It was good enough for me and I was happy.

It had always been my dream to try living abroad. He knew that, and when we were about 24 he let me get weeks into research and planning before he said he didn’t want to go because his mum would be upset. She probably would be, but she’s also a really nice woman, not a nightmare MIL at all, and if she knew he was putting her feelings over mine she’d be livid with him. There wasn't really any more conversation - maybe I could have pushed harder, but it was very much assumed that because he said that, it was off the table, no further conversation.

At the age of 27 I told him I wanted him to ask me to marry him. He’d never brought it up before, and I struggle with communication (a big flaw, I know, I’m mildly autistic and I suspect he might be too) so we’d never spoken much more about it other than making sure the other wanted to marry at some point early on. We had that convo around Christmas, and I told him to propose to me the following year.

May came round, big holiday, no proposal. To clarify, I never wanted anything huge, didn’t give a shit if he got down on one knee or not. But it didn’t happen and I was upset and voiced that halfway through the holiday. I got a bit of a shit response, something like ‘it is coming but it’s not happening this week so don't get your hopes up’ or something.

Christmas came round, no proposal. I ended up in tears on Boxing Day asking what his game was. He showed me the ring. And still didn’t give it to me. He waited until 11:59 on the 31st, so literally the last minute of the year I’d given him. He didn't get down on one knee, didn't bring the ring with him etc. - which again I didn't care about, I'd have been happy with a casual 'hey, do you want to get married?' but it didn't feel like that at all - it just felt totally awkward, I didn’t particularly want it by that point, and I’ve tried to erase the 'proposal' from my memory quite frankly.

Following that there was zero conversation from him about getting wed, so I brought it up 3-4 months later. This is where it all went to shit. I'm sure he knew I wanted to elope, he never queried it, and then suddenly when I brought it up again he said he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to upset his family. I ended up breaking down in tears. I don’t have anyone. My mum died when I was a teenager, something that I’ve never quite got over, and I don’t have any other family. I hadn’t cried that hard since my mum died and he still sat there watching me fully broken down on the bed and saying he didn’t want to upset his family. Again, no consideration of whether we eloped - it was very much he’d decided and wouldn’t talk about eloping. Once again his mum’s feelings coming before mine. And to clarify, I know it’s a shit situation - me not wanting any of his family there because my own mum’s dead. I know it is. But I do feel he should have sided with me on that one day knowing how badly I’ve grieved since I was a teenager and the fact I'd have felt awful being 1. autistic and not a people-person, and 2. having no family to speak of.

So that was that, we had a registry office wedding and dinner with 13 of his family. It wasn’t as bad as I feared I guess, but I didn’t enjoy it and spent all day wanting to go home. I took myself to therapy days before the wedding almost as a preventative thing to try not to be too upset about it, which maybe should have rang alarm bells for me at the time.

At the same time I was struggling with chronic eye pain. I’ve had tension myositis syndrome before, back pain caused by stress and trauma, but stupidly at no point did I connect the pain - which started not long after I broke down in tears about eloping etc. - with the whole situation. I was in constant pain for about eight months, couldn’t see properly, convinced I was going blind etc., spent a fortune trying to sort it. Really did wonder if it was TMS again but couldn't possibly work out what would have caused it as I think I was suppressing all of my emotions.

Eventually it dawned on me what caused it and it was like overnight I put up this wall and went into fight or flight mode and thankfully the pain stopped, although I still have eye floaters I didn’t have before - not sure if they’ll ever go away or not.

This was 12 months ago and I’m still not out of it. I’ve stayed with DH hoping with therapy and time etc. it’d sort itself out. But it hasn’t. I love him and care about him deeply but I’m not in love with him. It’s like I’ve got the ‘ick’ for lack of a better word - I don’t enjoy spending time with him, I have to force myself to hug him and have sex with him. I wouldn’t say I’m repulsed or anything, my body’s still just ‘no no no’ and I feel disheartened every time I have to do anything with him.

I’ve tried to sort it myself for the last year without talking about it - I know, I know - but he finally asked me recently why I’ve been so distant and I told him, but I definitely softened things too much as he didn’t seem to get how much I was struggling, I don’t think. I did make it clear, or I thought I did, how much he upset me, how he inadvertently caused my eye pain and he barely acknowledged it. He didn’t talk about the pain at all and when I mentioned him not considering the elopement, he said ‘I thought we did talk about it and I’m sorry but I didn’t want to do something I’d regret’ - something like that - and that was it. He has tried - suggested we do more things together etc., but to be honest that was never the issue, we’ve always been good about spending time together. My issue is now I don’t want to no matter how hard I try and force myself - which I can’t imagine is helping.

I think deep down I know it’s over. But he really is otherwise a lovely man. If he sat and read this thread he'd be in tears knowing he'd done this, but he has. I know he loves me in his own way, even if he doesn’t show it in the way I’d like. And I love him, I love the life we had, and I’d give anything to not feel like this and want him again. On paper we have a lovely life - nice home, very good income - and I want a baby, time’s ticking, and he’d make a good dad. But I can’t make myself want it with him. The idea of having a baby with him fills me with dread because I already feel stuck and deeply unhappy. I cry constantly. But I just can’t make myself want him, no matter how much I want to want him - does that make sense?

To top it off I’ve just been made redundant for the second time this year. I am job hunting but my industry’s already oversubscribed and AI is still rampant. I think I have an interview next week which sounds promising. But obviously that’s another huge hurdle I’m trying to navigate now. Part of me thinks it’s a huge sign because if we split I could maybe give living abroad a go. And I know I’d work it out and manage, but I have no self-confidence and keep telling myself I wouldn’t cope because I’ve never lived alone before, and I’ve got nowhere else to go - as I said, no family, and I have plenty of friends but no one close enough I’d feel comfortable asking for help from.

I’m trying not to let history repeat itself. My mum was trapped in a very abusive marriage and when she was dying kept drilling into me to go and do whatever the hell I wanted, go and live life for me, and be happy. I’m not doing any of that right now. And DH is by no means abusive but I’m still letting a man control my life right now.

Anyway. Sorry, that’s a huge rant and probably barely made sense. I’ve only talked to my therapist about this so I very much wanted to get this off my chest. Not sure what I’m hoping to get out of sharing this but if I could borrow someone's mum for a bit, that'd be lovely!

Hi all,
I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
Just looking for advice with coping with an upset. A bit of a background. I lost my twins at birth almost three years ago this week. It was incredibly unexpected and traumatic and I'm still getting counselling. One of my babies was stillborn and to our horror their sibling died in the NICU a few days later. We had to remove life support and they died in our arms. It's their birthday and anniversary this week.

My close friend had her first baby this week and I am thrilled for her. Except she has just texted me to say she has named her child the same name as one of my late babies. I was absolutely shocked I wont lie. I congratulated her and mentioned, it was the same name. She said "yeah it was between that name and another and I really liked it"

I know I dont own any names and she had every right to name her child, I think the week thats in it and the fact that she is my close friend has just hurt so much. It's my babies birthday this weekend and I guess I'm just so sad. I'm really not here to give out about her, just looking for a bit of support really and I guess it shocked me. My little ones would be 3 this week.

I've congratulated her and I'll see the baby whenever she is ready. Is it ok to step away for a bit just to get my head straight. I was already dreading my babies anniversaries this week.

As the title says!

Split with my exdh 8 years ago. Not had a relationship since. Now I'm in my 50s.

I never go swimming, wear shorts or skirts. Never show my legs.
I occasionally wear a vest top in the summer.

I haven't attended a medical appointment since having my dc 13 years ago.

I'm extremely embarrassed of my body always been shy but its got much worse as I've gotten older.

I need to deal with this as I'm risking my health but I can't cope with the idea of being undressed infront of anyone.

I'm waiting on CBT via the NHS.
Can anyone relate?
Did you find a way to deal with this?

I really fancy a velvetiser as I love hot chocolate. Is it worth it? Do you have to use Hotel Chocolat bits in it?

What should I go for instead of a velvetiser?

Or just stick with hot milk in a pot and a decent hot chocoate (and Bailey's)?

I am a joint executor for my dad. I’ve been sent a statement of truth to sign based on the iht400 form and the will. We have been trying to sell my dad’s home and have reduced it significantly compared to original estate agent valuations. It may need to be reduced further. Our solicitor said that HMRC will just accept the sold price. (I wanted to get a surveyor’s valuation, but was outvoted and solicitor also said no need as we were putting it on market). We have put our estate agent on notice, with the intention of putting it back on with another agent in the new year. If price drops further, could we be liable for the tax difference between what we submitted as our estimate in iht400? I could ask the solicitor, but he’s been wrong on a lot and I don’t trust him (neither do other executors, but they don’t want to stall things further by complaining).

this is a new thread for those spoilers

this is my theory

when nesta winnowed, she didn’t go to the prison, but the bone quarter in CC. Gwydion aka the starsword became a compass in some form, and now back in the world with Bryce has vanished to reappear to her

I reckon we will get a new CC book starting with Bryce being rather startled to get the Starsword back

Sorry I know this topic has probably been discussed before but I can’t get over how expensive uk holidays are compared to abroad, the problem is we have a 2 year old and school age children so long drives wouldn’t be fun and I don’t like flying, I don’t want to stay at some dirty mouldy super cheap resort/accommodation. However looking at holidays for the Easter/May break the prices are extortionate. How do ordinary people like us on decent salaries but mortgage etc afford these prices? Where do you go on holiday in the UK with children during the school holidays?

Hoping for some advice please - first time trip with DC ages 6 and 4.

we could do a weekend in January going Thursday night and back Sunday night, costs are much lower and could stretch to the Disney hotel

or

go in February half term, Monday - Thursday and hotels are more expensive but could do Marvel or even the ones off site look better value for money, but I know you don’t get the magic hour.

so which time of year would you in your opinion be better to go and where would you stay?

I love preparing the Christmas stocking each year, it's one of my favourite jobs and so I tend to get it done early (and then try and stop myself buying anything else!)

So far for dd, who is nearly 8, I have got:

Mini brand surprise balls (pet and food)
Activity book
Reading books x 2
Rosalinda mini figure
Nutcracker chelsea doll
Marshmallow keyring
Koala teddy
Tamagotchi
Brain game - cats
Penguin pen
Gel pens
Nature colouring book
Lip balm
Mini bee revival kit
Minibrand backpack
Hair slides and hairband
Snake tshirt
Snake stickers

I will also buy something chocolatey and a Lush bath bomb.

Under the tree she will get a schleich stable with some horses and a bean bag and the pets are getting her the Minibrand fridge.

If you are as madly enthusiastic about the stocking as I am, what have you bought so far? Or, what do you plan to buy?

I'm now wondering if DH might also need a stocking this year...

My sister lives in canada with her DH and DD.
I have just bought my first home in the UK.
My parents live in a different european country.
We are all basically scattered and always have been.
My sister is fuming with me bevause she is going home with her family to my parents house for Christmas and because I have just bought my first home, I have decided to stay here and do Christmas with my DP instead.
The reason she is upset is because she feels that she has spent thousands on coming back home for Christmas and I cant even "be bothered" to get on a two hour flight. I understand what shes saying. She also begrudges the fact that I have only been out to see her once in the years shes been out there, but the truth is I'm skint - she knows this. I can't even afford a two week summer holiday in Europe, let alone buying a ticket to Canada.
The other thing is that my mum always said that the first home I buy, we would do Christmas at mine, because it would be nice for me and because shes sick of convoluted Christmas logistics and hosting. So the plan was we would do Christmas at mine, except my sister wanted to "go home for Christmas".
That was fine, I accepted that with good grace.
The other small (but irritating to me) detail is that when they go home, they take my mums only spare room (my sis and her family), which means that me, my DB and whoever else is there has to sleep on couches or get an Airbnb etc.

Anyway, I tried tk send her a heartfelt message explaining my position and she just said "No. I'm done, [my name]."

Im really upset and I want to know honestly: am I in the wrong here?

DH and I are looking to downsize.
We have seen the perfect cottage, not far from our DDs family (handy for childcare as it's currently taking us 40 mins each way).
We rang up to view it and the estate agent refused to let us as she said "An offer has been made and I'm sure it will be accepted".
DH and I wouldn't be making an offer, we would happily pay full asking price. Also we are lucky to have enough in savings to purchase, without selling our own home first although we obviously would at some point.
I feel for the vendors as much as ourselves, would it be unreasonable to push a note through their letterbox informing them what's going on?
It's been two weeks since the estate agent last rebuffed us and the house is still on the market.

I was parked up when a lady pulled up and parked in front of me and got out and opened her boot and tried to pull her pram and the folded wheels out at the same time, while doing this the pram wheels opened and scraped across my bonnet leaving a significant scrape and dent in it.
While she put the pram together and got her little one out and in the pram I got out to see the damage.
I asked for her details and she said she was a pedestrian as she wasn’t actually driving her car and said there’s nothing I can do.
Is she right? Is there no point trying to claim on her insurance?

I have the number plate and dash cam footage but not sure where I stand.

I am always so tired...two dc...i work part time, house is always a mess, laundry always in a pile.

Neighbour - 2 dc, full time work in a good career, house is fucking spotless (I have been in at random times multiple times (they do not have a cleaner), kids in multiple activities, dad is a coach for one of the activities (he also works full time).
I thought fair enough that's a lot but fair play to them.

My dc joined a new activity yesterday eve and I bumped into neighbour in the corridor of the building, made our pleasantries, turned out her dc do this activity too and she is the secretary of the club and was at a meeting.

How do they do it?? why do they have so much time? where am i going wrong??

Got my dancing shoes polished and ready but will we be Dancing In The Streets or Dancing In The Dark?

Previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5583840-panda-monium-trump-thread-170

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