Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5587046-welcome-to-the-castle-we-take-it-day-by-day-2026-celebrity-traitors-thread-3-tv-pace?page=1

This is a tv pace thread so make sure you’re up to date with the live broadcast and yes, previous series (regular and celeb) will be discussed!

Please no spoilers if you read them online!

The story so far (as at end of episode 4)

Traitors (still active)
Maya Jama
James Acaster (recruited)
Professor Hannah Fry (recruited)

Faithful

James Blunt
Jerry Hall
Joanne McNally
Joe Lycett
King Kenny
Michael Sheen
Miranda Hart
Sebastian Croft
Sharon Rooney

Up for Murder
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Rob Beckett
Romesh Ranganathan
RossKemp (full name)

Murdered
Amol Rajan
Bella Ramsey

Banished
Richard E Grant (Traitor)
Myha’la
Julie Hesmondhalgh

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag me and let me know here (or DM me).

<whispers> I'm starting to think about starting the wrapping soon :)

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

I'm fortunate to have a good relationship with my family, a loving partner and my pets, but I've always believed it's important to have your own friendships.

I have casual friends/acquaintances but I'm done striving for anything more now. Life is busy for people, that I understand and I'm certainly not expecting daily conversations, weekly meetups or anything of the sort, but I'm getting absolute breadcrumbs.

I am a more reserved personality, that does not mean I don't talk, I don't have a sense of humour or anything. I'm interested in people, I try to have a laugh, I share things about myself, I'm reliable and on time, but I'm just never the one they're drawn to.

I feel like you've got to have some sort of show-stopping personality to have close friends, and I honestly can't be bothered anymore. I have my own interests and hobbies, if I'm boring then so be it. I feel like I'm down to earth, I don't brag, but I'm not constantly negative either. It constantly feels like friendship is very transactional and conditional, people can only be bothered with what's directly in front of them and what's the easiest for them.

I've given up with the people who frequently don't reply, who never initiate first and who are always busy, I'm fed up of not being valued and getting nothing back. Anyone else? Eventually il try a new club or something, but i just feel burned out from it all atm.

DD (5) made a new friend last year in the summer term, let's call her Jane. We have just entered the era of unaccompanied playdates last summer. Summer holidays come round and DDs new friends mum messages about her DD coming for a playdate. I say yes that's fine. Playdate was supposed to only be a couple of hours but the night before I got a text from the mum asking for playdate to start at 9 as Dad was dropping off, then a text later saying she would collect but she was working till 3 so could she collect at 4? It was too late to really cancel it as DD was very excited. I did not agree to any other playdates for the rest of the summer and claimed we were busy. As it happened we ran into Jane having playdates at several other people's houses at various free and cheap activities going on during the summer. It seems Jane's mum and dad pretty much went round the whole class asking for playdates, then pretty much changed the times to 9-4 so neither had to use AL. It became a bit of a discussion between a lot of mums by the end of the summer holidays as quite a few mums felt very used - there are quite a few of us in DDs class on Maternity leave or have only just started going back to work so are not back working full hours yet (me included).

Anyway, since September when DD went into yr1 the friendship has drifted. They are sat on different tables it seems and DD has become closer to other friends. Earlier this week Jane's mum posted in the class Whatsapp about anyone wanting to do playdates over the holidays? She's had no takers. Those who responded have mentioned they are very busy over the holidays so will struggle to do a playdate, us included. We are genuinely busy catching up with friends, family and DD has a dance show at the end of November with a couple of rehearsals in the next few weekends.

Last night I got a text from Jane's mum asking if there was any possibility of a playdate at all in the holidays and that Jane misses DD since they are in different tables. DD isn't really bothered about Jane, also the last playdate they had in the summer was really hard work as it was 9-4 and they got fed up of each other and bickered. I'm kind of glad that the friendship has fizzled back a bit as it makes saying no to what are essentially cf childcare playdates easier as DD isn't good friends with Jane.

AIBU to let this fizzle out and not help. I have enough on with 2 small DC and don't want to be childcare for someone who cba to take AL and won't reciprocate a playdate and will effectively lie the night before to cover their working hours.

Horrible chaos. 2+ hour passport control queues. First a very long queue for the new machine check - eyes, finger prints etc - and then second very long queue for a manual check - why???. V hot. Incredibly stressful and unpleasant experience. No forewarning by easyJet. Never want to do that again. Apparently it will be the same when we leave. Everybody has to do it - even if you have previously supplied your finger prints etc while travelling to a different EU country.

I am not married but I will use MIL to save time/brainspace.
I had an abortion and my MIL has told my partner that I am lying as women today do not get surgical abortions, she "checked the NHS website". I feel so upset and distraught. He believes me of course but he let me know because she has been haranguing him about it. The worst part is that i was just starting to move on when this was thrown at me and its brought it all back up. I find it shocking and deeply upsetting. I dont know what I should do about it.

Every year I go all out for Christmas, the food, the meal plans, themed evenings, parties. It’s great but tiring. I’m always exhausted by new year.
This year I have thought many times how it would be nice to go away. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere hot, I’d like to keep some tradition.

A resort hotel not too far away is hosting a Christmas stay from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day, all meals and festivities included. I’m really up for this, no cooking or cleaning!

My husband however isn’t, he would rather stay home. As the cook and main Christmas organiser, I feel it’s a good opportunity, to try something new.

Do any of you go away for Christmas or do you prefer home comforts and traditions?

DH and I are drawing up wills and letters of wishes. I said I wanted a simple burial, no funeral or ceremony. We have a very small handful of friends and family, have moved around a lot so no community. I don’t want music or poems - I’ve become very unsentimental about such things. I’m thinking mainly of my DS who is ND and wouldn’t be able to sit through a ceremony for more than a minute and how for him it’s better to play it by ear and allow him a simple goodbye. If DS was pushed to do more then it could be very upsetting for him - if it was tomorrow he’d probably become overwhelmed and want to leave and DH would be the only one who could leave with him and it just makes a difficult event worse. I think as with many things when pushing DS,
it’s best to keep expectations low.

This has really upset DH who says a funeral and ceremony is for the living and I should be thinking about more than DS (I should be thinking of DH of course and I have a a younger DD too). I know what he’s getting at but I’m just trying to be realistic, plus I’m frustrated at how emotional DH is being over this scenario that I don’t expect to play out for many decades. He probably thinks I’m being very cold.

I’ll probably add to the letter of wishes that it’s fine if people want to say some informal
words. And that in the event that both DH and I go at the same time to defer to his letter of wishes for a joint burial.

I’m curious what others think. I don’t think my ask is that unreasonable and that a burial doesn’t need to follow some format and it can be whatever you want it to be.

Has anyone managed to break out of the Sisyphean Kafkaesque hell that is Vinted (UK) so called ‘customer service’ when it has locked down your account?

I had a new card issued by my bank as my old one was compromised, the e-version worked immediately for tap n pay and I remembered or was prompted to update a couple of retail accounts with regular payments so they continued.

Not Vinted. Oh no. They have shut it down and I’m in a regular loop of emails where ‘they’ repeatedly ask for a photo of my now long-gone destroyed card, I explain unless they have a Time Machine, that is impossible, I then share a bank statement with requested details as per their alleged ‘help sheet’ which is ignored and instead a new ‘person’ sends me another ask for my non-existent card……

The responses are so robotic, they are clearly (bad) AI, and they don’t answer questions.

Has anyone else got out of this? Does anyone know how to get this looked at by a real person who can actually read and understand? Or how to escalate to a complaint? I have a few hundred 5* reviews so I really don’t want to start again (and can’t anyway as I would need a brand new mobile phone number to do so it seems)

AAARGHHH!!!!!

Who knew eBay would suddenly look more attractive!!!!

My DM died earlier this year, my sole surviving parent at the age of 99.

Me and my brother are likely to receive an inheritance sometime soon of @ £170k. My three adult children (who all have average paying jobs and all rent) have already approached me saying they’re expecting £40k each from me. The way they approached it has shocked and saddened me - of course I was going to give them something but I was thinking more of £10k each to put into an ISA or as a house deposit with their respective partners.

I still have £34k on my mortgage and a few other debts to clear and I pointed this out to them but they said this is down to me and I should have managed my money better, in fact they’ve picked apart all my financial decisions throughout their lives, when all I’ve tried to do is provide for them as a single mother. I helped them with cars and took them on holidays right up until a few years ago, even paying for their partners. I’ve given them money when I’ve had bonuses etc but I’m not a particularly high earner.

Now two of them have refused to speak to me, I’m finding this so upsetting. Am I right to want to clear my own debts and gift them the token £10k? How do I resolve this?

YABU = give them what they are asking for
YANBU = clear your own debts first

Hi,

my second spiralling post of today. On our 12 week scan it showed the baby had a cystic hygroma which was slightly above average at 2.8mm - with some separations in the fluid. This is often linked with conditions such as Down’s syndrome, Patau’s & Edward’s.

Got a phone call back from fetal medicine this afternoon and they said that the chance of P & E is 1 in 5,000 so considered low risk. However, the chance of Down’s Syndrome is 1 in 64. It’s our first baby and I’m literally going out of my mind with stress, anxiety and worry. I guess you just expect it to be somewhat plain sailing!?

Have now been referred to University College London Hospital for a further scan then, based off the results either NIPT or CVS.

I’ve been a mess all day since we had the scan yesterday. Can anyone offer some reassurance 🥲 I’m absolutely terrified.

Its my Birthday, been up with DH for hours, had breakfast together, walked the dogs and he hasn't even said 'Happy Birthday'

Have two adult DD's, both that live a couple of hours away, neither of them have messaged me to say 'Happy Birthday' either. Both will be up and at work by now too.

Just makes me feel pretty shit as I always make sure its the first thing I do, or say, or message to my family when its theirs. I always make sure I make a bit of a fuss of them.

For no-one to even acknowledge by Birthday by 10.30am has just made me feel proper rubbish.

I am a good mum, and a good wife.

Shall I go out for lunch by myself or am I just being a bit of a baby and need to suck it up?

Its just another Birthday after all.

Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising series...

It's still as magical and relevant today, 50 years later..

What's yours?

Good evening

I’ve been encouraged to sign up to Mumsnet by a friend who has suggested that some people might find it useful to be able to ask a PIP assessor questions.

If there’s anything you think I can help you with, please ask away

Welcome to Thread 13 and happy unboxing to all who sail (sale??) in her as we swap tips, tricks, frustrations and joys of the BAC/FAC journey.

Not too long until Black Friday discounts so keep your fingers crossed and some room on your credit card

Key link for all the calendars via the very lovely MaryBD of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/

Though lots of ACs are out of stock already, so beware (and extra double beware of anything Selfridges Fragrance related!!)

The advice I have read a lot is to spend money on the base. At the moment I am wearing Aldi tinted moisturiser for my base that cost less than £5 if I remember right.

Dh and I flew yesterday. We decided to have a pint at the airport Spoons but it was heaving and there were no seats available. Lots of people were walking around trying to find seats after ordering at the bar.

We came across a family where the adults were seated at one large table. 3 adults on a table for probably 6 to 8 people. Immediately behind them were 3 dc at 3 tables pushed together. Each table would ordinarily seat 2 people but each dc had their own little table and were engrossed in their screens so generally well behaved and quiet.

The selfishness was astounding. The adults could see how busy it was and could easily have accommodated the dc's at their table or at least made them budge up to free one more table but they sat there making ( in my opinion) quite aggressive prolonged eye contact at anyone who dared to look their way.

I know Ianbu but ffs. Is this how things are now? I have seen this sort of behaviour time and time again over recent months and have just had enough of most people these days. I am menopausal so my give a shitometer might be too heightened but I swear people are so much more selfish than they used to be years ago.

I've been picking up Xmas food here and there when at the shops and was looking at Aldi's crisp offerings which were a bit uninspiring - turkey and thyme, pigs in blankets. Anyone seen any good ones out there they can recommend? Thanks!

Treated myself to a stick foundation, concealer and colour corrector at the makeup counter. The sales advisor demonstrated the products on me and they looked beautiful and natural.

Get home and the first time I used them, the pilling is horrendous. I’ve since tried many different combinations of moisturiser/sunscreen underneath all to no avail. Does this mean you have to invest in the Bobbi Brown skin products too?

Going back to using my old faithful Erborian foundations instead for now.

Seems very unfair and like an awful waste of money.

Any suggestions?

I am bracing myself for the comments here, but I need an honest outside perspective. I’ve behaved appallingly and I'm trying to figure out how to move forward.

I’ve been married for 12 years with young kids. We are in our late 30s.

For 9 months, I had an affair with a 24-year-old single woman. She knew I was married from the start. To be blunt, the ego stroke completely blinded me and I got caught up in a total bubble.

This August, the guilt finally got too much. I realized how much I love my wife and our life, so I ended it. She was a work colleague, but she has since got a different job elsewhere, so I never see her anymore. When we broke it off, she promised to never tell anyone ever and she is just moving on with her life.

My wife has absolutely no idea and is completely none the wiser about all of this. There is absolutely no way she could ever find out on her own, as nobody else knows it happened.

I am 100% committed to focusing on my marriage, being the best husband I can possibly be, and I will never, ever cheat again.

I genuinely believe it is better if I never tell my wife and take this secret to my grave. Confessing would only alleviate my own guilt, and what she doesn't know can't hurt her. I don't want to destroy her world.

The problem is, I can't stop thinking about the affair. It's constantly in my head. I'm trying to be this perfect, attentive husband, but mentally I'm completely consumed by what happened.

Am I completely delusional to think I can just bury this and move on? How do I stop the thoughts and actually fix my marriage without destroying it with the truth?

I've attached a poll because I am genuinely torn on the ethics here. Is honesty always the best policy, or is silence sometimes the kinder choice? Please vote and let me know your thoughts.

I have, of course technically met her as that would be a biological impossibility. But she left when I was six months old and I haven’t seen her since. Nobody has any idea where she is, even her parents didn’t up until they died! AMA

Context & Background:
Ages & Duration: 17M and 17F. Dating for under 4 months (talking for 3 months prior).
Emotional Dynamic: I am more emotionally expressive and tend to overthink. She is much more stoic. She was the first to say "I love you."
Past History: About 2 months ago, we had a brief talk about effort, and she stepped up and fixed it. However, I generally feel like I put in more overall effort (around a 70/30 or 65/35 split).
The Breakdown & Current Situation:
Recently, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, stress, and overthinking that I didn't know how to handle. I started venting to my girlfriend a lot—probably too much. A few days ago, after breaking down crying at our homecoming after-party, we had a very long, heavy conversation the next morning explaining everything.
Two days after that, she communicated a boundary with me: she said my situation was taking a heavy mental toll on her because she kept trying to "fix" the problem. She also said she felt like I expected or wanted something from her that she didn't know how to give.
I took this to heart and have been working a ton on my mental health over the last two weeks, and I'm genuinely doing much better now. However, ever since that heavy talk, a major effort imbalance and distance has set in:
I'm always the one asking to hang out and planning things.
She is not initiating conversations anymore (though when we do talk, her texting style is fine).
Recent example: Yesterday I texted her good morning, but she didn't reply until after practice ("didn't see this, good afternoon"). We talked briefly about our runs that day, and I sent the last text. We had our senior night later, but she didn't text me after we got back. We won't see each other today, are both busy tomorrow until a shared party in the evening, and have vague plans for Sunday that aren't locked in yet.
Where I'm At Right Now:
About a day ago, I realized I was overcompensating for her lack of effort, so I decided to step back—no double-texting, not planning hangouts until she does, and waiting for her to initiate. She hasn't stepped up yet, and because I stopped initiating, we barely have any emotional connection right now.
I know she loves and cares about me, but this dynamic is exhausting. I just want our efforts to be closer to 50/50.
My Questions for Advice:

1. At what point do I communicate my needs and boundaries about this effort imbalance, and how can I expect that conversation to go?
2. Is there any chance I can avoid having another heavy conversation and just trust that she will step up on her own once she decompresses? (She has proven in the past that she can initiate and plan when asked).
3. Was her telling me about the pressure a fair boundary, or does it sound like she is using it as an excuse to block me out emotionally?
4. How should I handle texting over the next couple of days? We barely talked yesterday despite being in the same places, won't see each other today, and only see each other briefly tomorrow night.