45 replies

Partner joked yesterday that I am not earning enough and need to look at other income streams. We own a C17th cottahe that we love but needs constant expensive repairs and we aren’t able to sell yet. He earns £60k and I’m on £30k (I work 4 days a week) and our child is in nursery 4 days a week costing us a fortune. 5 days would wipe out the extra earnings if I went FT but also I think it is enough for our little one (2yo). I cherish my day off with him, it is my absolute favourite time and so precious. I was made redundant after I returned from mat leave from a high salary and now I’m on lower money. I’m a chartered professional with an MA so it’s not like I’m being completely unambiguous and lazy but I had to take a step back because of childcare. We live away from London so salaries are lower and jobs are competitive. When not working I do a few hours freelance too (social media and PR) and then I do the majority of the childcare & ALL meals (OH doesn’t lift a finger in the kitchen). I make sure his clothes are washed and our child is clean and dressed. He works very long hours but doesn’t seem to appreciate he is able to do that because I support him and make sure when he finishes a hot meal is ready and his packed lunch is ready and the food shop is done etc.

He grew up in Portugal with working parents and his mum earned more but they had grandparents doing all the extra childcare. We don’t have anyone around to help. I work my *rse off but he constantly acts like I’m lazy simply because I don’t earn enough. He jokes recently that whatever I do he’ll find fault. I do get child benefit and it helps a lot particularly now petrol is so high because it arrives halfway height the pay month. I do have a bit of a Vinted addiction (and sell on there too) but we don’t go out to the pub, restaurants, have big holidays and I always buy secondhand. Any money just seems to get sucked up on credit card debit or paying to get the house mended. OH is a scientist - PhD and high up in his field. He works for the government so pay isn’t as good as in the private sector where he could earn a lot more but it is secure and good pension etc.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m going to burn myself into the ground if I take on an extra job working nights or at the weekend. Has anyone had any luck earning proper money with any of those schemes such as selling
printed items on Etsy or AI videos on YouTube?

35 replies

We’ve just landed in Florida for a week-long family holiday. There’s me, DH, DS13 and DS15. We spent a fortune before we came out getting everyone kitted out with new clothes and brand-new trainers—including a lovely pair of Nike Dunks for DS15.

We picked out his travel outfit together: hoodie, baggy joggers, and his box-fresh Dunks with classic white Nike socks. Looked great.

Fast forward to checking into the hotel last night. DS15 is sitting on the armchair, his joggers ride up, and I notice... no socks. (He spent all summer going sockless in old knackered Vans and Astro turf boots which I didn't mind because they were already ruined, but still!). Anyway, I went into their room later and it absolutely reeked. Turns out he wore his brand-new Dunks with no socks for the entire journey here! 🤢

This morning, before heading to the theme parks, we wanted a family photo. DH and DS13 look great in fresh shorts and new trainers with ankle socks. DS15? Sockless again.

I gently pointed out that:

  1. He’s going to get horrific blisters in the Florida heat.
  2. He’s going to completely ruin his new Dunks in days.
  3. The trainer smell is already vile.

He kicked off in front of everyone, telling me to "grow up," "get a life," and "what’s it got to do with me?!"

Later, I popped back to the room for suncream and thought I'd take him a pair of trainer socks just in case. Had a quick nosey in his suitcase... there are literally zero socks in his entire bag. He has actively planned and packed to go sockless for the whole week.

DH says to leave him to it, but we are the ones sharing a room and hire car with his melting, stinking feet! AIBU to be furious with his behaviour and choices!

400 replies

I have got lots of different styles of jumper some loose and some fitted, but it doesn’t always feel right to wear them with nothing underneath. But if I wear a T-shirt, it feels too bulky.

What do people wear underneath their jumpers?

163 replies

My 4 year old is really into drawing atm and I was thinking of some sort of gift for grandparents of one of them made into some sort of gift. Does anyone have any suggestions beyond just a nice frame?

3 replies

Really sad to see this - another very good school that was just about affordable to lots of local families gone by the wayside. Seems to have come as a blindsiding shock to parents who found out today. Really sad for all the kids who won’t be returning to their classmates and community after half term. Clayesmore is miles away and Leweston was mostly a day school I believe. Our child was so keen to be heading there next year. Hope all affected manage to find places in time for Monday at their preferred back up options. Thinking of all the staff too.
https://www.leweston.co.uk/

Leweston School
The world your child is moving into cannot be predicted. At Leweston, we build the person who can meet it — curious, resilient, and entirely themselves. Co-educational, Catholic, boarding and day. Prep, Senior and Sixth Form, Sherborne, Dorset.
https://www.leweston.co.uk/
51 replies

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Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

352 replies

I have some boots that look fine with dresses but feel frumpy with jeans. I am looking for a nice pair of comfortable flat or low heel boots to go with wide leg and barrel jeans.
Possibly a pointed toe?

I am a curvy 10/12 and quite a classic dresser with a nod to current trends IF they suit me.

Has anyone found a gem?

53 replies

King Charles has been quietly cancelling some engagements to pare back his schedule. We know he has cancer, and he is still doing engagements and visits, but far fewer than previously.

At the same time the pr is really pushing William. Appearance on a chat show, BBC news covering his engagements, lots of very positive coverage of him. Far more visible than previously.

2 replies

I had a first date on Saturday with a guy I matched with on an app.

We met at a pub, pretty standard for my first dates. He doesn't drink so I drank much less than usual (half pint and soft drinks), initially worried it’d be more awkward without relying on drinking to relax but I thought we hit it off really well, easiest person I’ve spoken to in a while. Conversation felt so natural and just fun? We both had random niche things in common too. Whole date lasted around 4 hours, I was the first to mention having to leave to grab something before the supermarket closed. He then mentioned he’d join me as he also needed to pop in which I was fine with, we were still happily chatting and joking around in the shop too

At the end he hugged me and kissed my cheek, said he had a lovely time. I then asked if he wanted to exchange numbers but also said “there’s no pressure though” but he happily agreed.

He messaged first (on the app) about 10 mins after leaving to say it was really nice to meet me and thanked me for the evening. Then mentioned he accidentally didn’t save my number properly so gave me his number instead.

I messaged back an hour later to say it was really nice too, enjoy xyz activity (mentioned on our date). Aaaand now radio silence

Am I delusional for getting my hopes up? Is it normal for people to stay for this long on first date if not interested

74 replies

Hi,

We have recently moved house - we have moved back to our home town - It's me, DH and our two DC's - both teens.

Prior to this we lived in a 'cheaper' part of the UK and we were lucky to have no mortgage. The move back here, whilst the right thing to do has meant that we now have a mortgage for the next 15 years.

I have been going through our finances and it looks like after we have paid the mortgage and all other non- negotiable bills, we will be left with about £2000 per month. From this we will need to buy food and any other luxuries/non-essentials.

I am worried that this will be tight and that we will end up burning through the savings that we have. DH thinks I am being ridiculous and that £2k is lots

Am I right to be worried?

81 replies

Popular on Mumsnet Swears By

Our most useful reviews and buying advice

We have been advised by the government to stockpile for 3 days but I am not clear why? Is it weather conditions or interference from hostile states? Or is it a government ploy to distract us from the Budget which will containing huge tax rises for some ?

227 replies

Thank you to everyone who let me know their Aldi experiences about a month ago - I appreciate every over of you!

Here's the update!
We love it!

First off - it's averaging at ~£35 cheaper a shop - which is pretty huge! (For reference we are 2 adults, 2 secondary school kids. Were paying around £180 a week on Tesco).

We were prepared for a quality drop as we were paying less. We absolutely did not get a quality drop. More often the quality and taste was better. The meat eaters have reported back that the meat is WAY better. The vegetarian items from the freezer section are also some of the best I've had. The yogurts and ice cream were way better (I was concerned about these). So far toiletry wise we've tried the shower gel and 'fake' sure deodorant - both great.

We love how many of the items are British.

We seem to have lucked out with one where the fruit and veg lasts - phew!

There's literally a few items which we wouldn't get again, none of which are a big deal. So great news!

Absolutely loving spotting the dupes, my oldest comes with me and he finds them hilarious.

The checkout is becoming less stressful - haha!

I would fully recommend to anyone to make the swap.

(Oh yeah, and you get to treat yourself to the bakery as a reward, hello pistachio croissant!)

Thanks everyone!!!!

71 replies

Hi all,

Sold a clothing item to a buyer for £50 (RRP £120 new), I described it as "very good condition" as I had worn it a handful of times but saw no defects or issues whatsoever when listing. Item arrives with the buyer, they raise an issue, include photos of an approx. 1mm diameter white spot which they claim looks like a bleach stain. Request a partial refund of £10 as say this should have been declared. I apologize for the genuine oversight, and offer £5 refund as goodwill gesture. I have no way of knowing for sure this stain was there to begin with or that it is bleach and can't be removed.

They say that's not good enough they would never have bought the item had they known about the "stain" and they want to return for a full refund.

I do not respond and ask Vinted to take a look, as I really don't feel this is justified. I also don't want to get into a back and forth with the buyer without advice.

Vinted side with me, and release the paid funds to me - they do not allow a return to be made.

Seller is upset and messages me to say this is unfair, £50 is a lot of money to her, Vinted didn't see the stain etc etc.

I say sorry but I will respect their decision.

They then say they will raise a chargeback claim through their bank card against this "damaged item".

Long story short - is there ANY chance of this coming back to me? Will I have to return the money? Or, are Vinted the only ones potentially liable seeing as they approved the sale having reviewed.

I really do think they are just chancing it and hoping to get a free item here tbh.

1 reply

Welcome to Thread 14, calendar crew! StarWine

It looks like thread 13 won't even take us to Hallowe'en 👻 let alone to Black Friday Grin

It's not only ACs, but the Christmas boxes and stockings are all coming out now too. Will we have any pennies left for Christmas presents or will our loved ones get a funsize selection box from their now very fragrant and beautiful relatives Xmas Grin ??

Link for alllll the calendars via the wonderful MaryBD is here
https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/

Even before Black Friday, there are discount codes here:
https://beauty-detective.com/beauty-advent-calendar-discount-codes-deals-2026/

Best of the makeup ACs here:
https://beauty-detective.com/best-makeup-advent-calendars-2026/

And best of the fragrance ACs here:
https://beauty-detective.com/best-fragrance-advent-calendars-2026/

24 replies

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendations are:
https://prepare.campaign.gov.uk/get-prepared-for-emergencies/

ROUGH STATUS REPORT (as of 9am 22nd Oct - please note this isn't fully comprehensive, and is moving FAST)
Civil Unrest reported in:
France, Italy, Greece, Belgium, Albania, Indonesia - multi reasons, but largely due to economic pressures and the cost of living
Spain has had problems but these have temporarily stopped, probably due to significant weather related issues due to the Dana effect
More protests planned for this coming weekend
High Alert in the Middle East:
Netanyahu now committed to regime change in Iran, as he believes they are developing a nuke.
The US has pulled all Embassy Staff from Saudi Arabia and is hoping no one notices that they've ordered personal and families across the Gulf home and then seem to have lied that they have.
The Emir of Qatar has stated at their equivalent of the annual King's Speech at the Opening of Parliament that war was coming and to prepare for the worst scenarios. US pulling planes out of Qatar.
The Egyptian PM has warned the country of severe crisis ahead - given the nature of the country this is related to their alliance with Saudi Arabia and their reliance on the Suez Canal which the Yemeni rebels now control access to and their exposure to famine
Iran is saying if there is another attack, the gloves are off and they'll try and wipe out the middle east oil industry as they go down, as well as hitting critical civilian infrastructure.
Much movement / noise is similar to run up to the first US attacks this year. Debate over whether the attack will come before the Israeli Election or the US Midterms - possibly within 72hours - latest mood music suggests potentially this weekend. Seems to be shifting to a when not if.
Israel election: 27th Oct
Prices and Shortages:
Diesel needs no real reminder - we need it for haulage, mass transportation and farming, we are screwed without it. Fuel Emergency declarations in West Virgina, Kentucky, Michigan, Maryland, Arizona, Nebraska and Texas - typically allowing limited dyed diesel use for ag or commercial vehicles. Illinois and Missouri have also allowed by not under emergency orders. Less reported is the fertiliser shortage and knock on effect, poor yields this year and the effect of El Nino on next years, sulphur export bans and the blockade on Ukrainian and Russian wheat exports which are particularly crucial in feeding North Africa and the Middle East. This is liable to have significant impact on the UK with 6% rises in food already expected next year (and there's every reason to believe this will be higher especially with civil unrest all over the place). Reports of aviation fuel running low in some parts of Europe with emergency supplies (which can't last forever) being used.
El Nino:
See above about farming and also think of disasters - like the ones Spain is facing with flooding. Storm Austin is incoming and there is a weather warning for the South of England with power outages and flooding possible today/tomorrow.
The Internet:
PHP is 70% of the internet. Its got compromised so it can pretty much all be hacked. This is VERY BAD (in capital letters). Many websites offline whilst this is sorted including multiple government ones around the world.
Just AI generally - everything from putting everyone out of work to just hacking and killing us all. No Biggie.
Trump and the Mid Terms:
Trump is firmly losing his marbles. He's defected to Russia, can't stop rambling about men's arses, is waving at non-existent people, his team are known to be considering ways to impose martial law, he's getting heckled at Trump rallies by his own supporters, 83% of all voters think the biggest problem in the US now isn't the cost of living crisis but government corruption. He's being called a traitor by some of his fellow Reds. Mid Terms look a disaster and Trump probably won't accept them. He's reversing bills that Congress passed weeks ago by executive order.
Mid-Terms: 3rd Nov
Ukraine and Russia:
Ukraine facing massive problems still cos Elon has got the ump. Starlink isn't working at face enough speeds. They've bombed a shedload of Data Centres in Russia. This has killed off the Russian Internet and many Trump/Musk supporters in the process (one way or another) which screws up Twitter (and its value) for them. Ukraine is getting blamed for diesel shortages cos they refuse to stop hitting Russian refineries even though it has no choice now its been cut off by the US. Zelenskyy now says Trump isn't an ally. Trump wants Zelensky gone and thinks Putin is being reasonable and Ukraine doesn't want peace. Germany states it would have activated Art5 if the confirmed Russian sabotage attack on Liepzig had been successful.
Russia is apparently planning to step up its sabotage campaign in Europe after having successfully sunk a few boats in EU waters (Romania / Bulgaria - these sinkings have been in both international waters off the coast AND within their official territorial waters).
Economy:
Lots of debt. Much concern over the implications of this particularly with regards to AI and state debt in the US, UK, France and Japan (but not restricted to). Much money put into gold by China. Background of this bad given the approach of potentially multiple crisis.
France Moody's credit review: Due tomorrow 23rd Oct - expected to be not good especially in the current political climate in France
UK Budget: 28th October

They are all interconnected and one or many could tip us into abject chaos. Or not. The risks here are sky high. Of what? Take your pick.

626 replies

I'm mid 40s. I'm remembering when I was a kid and into my teens.

l used to see tons around this time of year! Kids with "guys" and a hat open next to it for donations etc. They were really common.

I was just struggling to remember the last time I actually saw one! 🤔

Are they still a thing?

119 replies
91 replies

Not somewhere I usually look as we don't have a big Sainsbury's near here with a clothing section, just the little convenience stores.

Saw they had a sale on though and ordered a few things and I'm SO impressed. Ordered this dress https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc148498351 which admittedly is not the most fashion forward item on the planet but I was looking for a comfortable dress for holidays and smart-casual occasions. It's such good quality - really thick, 100% cotton and has pockets! £7.80 absolute bargain. Also bought a grey cardigan/vest thing which is very thick and will keep me cosy in winter.

So did I just hit it lucky or is the general quality of TU better than Asda, Tesco etc?

203 replies

Husband‘s family is very overwhelming and toxic. Mother-in-law was okay but also awful. I really don’t want to drive eight hours with toxic sister-in-law and husband and his father who has dementia, (who I look after as husband works full-time and of course as I only work part-time, I get to be the main carer. )
I wasn’t going to go, but husband has asked if I would help with the drive. He never normally wants me to drive, but obviously this is different. He said I don’t need to go to the funeral. I don’t want to go because it will remind me of my mum.
I also feel overwhelmed by this family.
I guess I have to go, to help husband drive. His sister lives in America. I’m not sure why she can’t help with the driving, but I guess if she’s come from America and jetlagged and sad. Neither of the children like their mother who was considered narcissistic by my husband‘s therapist, but obviously she is still there Mum❤️.
AIBU to avoid the funeral and spend the time doing something nicer. I’m thinking a spa! But I can see that wouldn’t go down too well.
I also don’t want to go for the drinks afterwards.
Maybe I could help with a driving and then catch a cold or something.
AIBU? Advice welcome!

110 replies

This year we finally managed to sell our house after a lengthy process (for so many reasons!) we were so happy to finally have it done and to find our forever home.

Until the seller pulled out.

As it was supposed to be a short term thing we stayed with my parents(their suggestion/offer).. but now its not a short term thing while we find/purchase a new home I don’t know what to do. It is not harmonious living.

We live in an adjoined annexe so have some privacy but share certain parts of the house. we have three primary aged children and my parents ALWAYS have something to say about how we are raising them. They are reasonably chilled kids but one is currently being assessed for Autism and does have the odd meltdown (think high functioning Asperger’s type child) which we are already struggling with, without being told we are spoiling them etc. we don’t let them have do/certain things - my parents let them and then complain about the behaviour.

my DS (31) also lives with my parents officially. Seeing as it is a commuter town she stays with them rather than rent in central London. She sometimes isn’t here for weeks but when she is she is very highly strung and doesn’t like it when people make virtually any noise in the house during her working hours. Being on half term at the moment it makes it especially difficult but even during school term she asks me to take the dog out just in case it barks at someone like the postman while she is working. I am expected to be out of the house so often and I resent being told what to do with my day.

all of this I could put up with, but on top of this my parents expect me to pay rent and bills, while DS pays nothing towards the house despite earning more than mine and DHs combined income. if we were making a big saving towards our next home I feel like I could justify it but at this point I feel we may as well rent and get more privacy. We do pay less than a proper rental would be so DH is encouraging us to stick it out a bit longer.

I do get that this is their permanent home and I feel like I should be more grateful. But I just don’t feel welcome.
I am really struggling and just feel in the way all the time, surely it’s not worth this?

1 reply

My husband is getting more gorgeous with every year that passes. Hes really grown in to himself. Me, on the other hand am turning into my grandmother. I am a mum who works at home. Housewife we would have been called back in the day. Im in my mid 50's now and I need a glow up. I never wore make up and i think i need to start. but since many of my days are spent only in the house or caring for elderly mum i dont know when to put it on, Also whats a casual but polished style now adays with out looking like the local free P pastors wife?
i need serious help. Photo for ref. dont look quite my age yet but no idea how to dress or what to do with my face. can i have advice please Skincare regime is good and skin is clear. thanks peeps.

400 replies