I have a floor-length evening dress, polyester, fully-lined bodice and skirt, net over-dress (I don't know whether this is the correct terminology) with unlined sleeves. The net part is heavily decorated with sequins. The care instructions say handwash only. How? The dress is already heavy. I'm worried about tearing when it is even heavier with water. And I've never washed anything sequined before.

I thought I might put it in a very large lingerie-type bag and swish it gently in the bath using liquid detergent or soap. Leave it to soak for a while. Then rinse it in the bath several times without wringing. Put fabric conditioner in last rinsing water. But then how do I dry it? Spread it out on a towel?

Any tips?

I've been holding it all in for weeks. But now I feel ill and desperately tired and frightened. She doesn't see that. She sees me being her rock, an 'amazing' Mum. The irony is that I used to work in an EDS inpatient service so I've seen alot.

It's all come as such a shock and I haven't slept properly for weeks. I have just tired to phone BEAT but their helpline doesn't open til 5. So I will email them.
There are currently no inpatient beds. She is open to the local EDS intensive support team. She has been re-fed in the local AMU but is still losing weight and struggling. All the light and life she used to have has gone.

I don't know what I want from the thread really. I just need to be able to say how I feel and receive some kindness.

I am autistic just to start. I’m wondering if I’m actually also adhd, I’m wondering this as I’ve always had great intentions but never followed through with anything, or I will for a day or two then stop.
I’ve always struggled to do the mundane things, like cleaning the house, rather than do things everyday I will let it pile up then have a massive energy spurt and deep clean the house in one day.
I put everything off to the last minute, especially forms. There’s been lots of times where I have the time to do something, look at it, and just walk past it. What is that all about? I feel lazy.
Another thing is dinner time, I struggle to put the effort in to make dinner, often resulting in just ordering a takeaway, a few times a week, and it makes me feel so disgusting. I buy all the shopping, think I’ll make this and that, but when it comes to it it just feels like so much effort. Exercise is another thing I have good intentions with, I will start and be motivated a couple of times then just stop.

Am I just lazy or could this be adhd?

The last 2 years Santa has brought ds a large in size present that is very indulgent and fun but not expensive, basically something I'd say no to if he asked but that also won't break the bank. One year it was a huge nerf style gun on a stand, another year a basketball arcade sort of game.

If anyone can think of anything I'd love some suggestions!

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:
To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’
You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.
If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot.

Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

Oh my god, how did you lot fill that last thread up so fast?!

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5592483-welcome-to-the-castle-we-got-everything-you-wantwe-know-the-names-2026-celebrity-traitors-thread-6-tv-pace?page=1

This is a tv pace thread so make sure you’re up to date with the live broadcast and yes, previous series (regular and celeb) will be discussed!

Please no spoilers if you read them online!

The story so far (as at end of episode 9)

Traitors (still active)
Maya Jama
King Kenny (recruited)

Faithful
James Blunt
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Michael Sheen
Romesh Ranganathan
Sebastian Croft

Murdered
Amol Rajan
Bella Ramsey
Rob Beckett
RossKemp
Miranda Hart

Sharon Rooney

Banished
Richard E Grant (Traitor)
Myha’la
Julie Hesmondhalgh
Professor Hannah Fry (recruited Traitor)
Joe Lycett
Jerry Hall
Joanne McNally
James Acaster (recruited Traitor)

For these that want to keep up with Claudia’s outfits: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a73628412/celebrity-traitors-claudia-winkleman-outfits/

I have some boots that look fine with dresses but feel frumpy with jeans. I am looking for a nice pair of comfortable flat or low heel boots to go with wide leg and barrel jeans.
Possibly a pointed toe?

I am a curvy 10/12 and quite a classic dresser with a nod to current trends IF they suit me.

Has anyone found a gem?

Strangers houses. Begging. Sweets and chocolate. Anyone else not massively keen on this for their toddlers? Mine doesn't even know what sweets and chocolate are yet!

Went to see OH this evening. One DC (not mine they are both OH’s) was at a Halloween party the other with us. We went out trick or treating. She started to cry because she was with us and not with friends. I sat with her and calmed her down. All was ok.
Later we were making dinner and she asked when is ihateai leaving.
OH said I was staying over in the guest room and she had a melt down.

We have been together 5 years and the DC have known me for 2.5 years. So it has really hit me tonight. I have stayed over many times and always in the guest room. OH has them full time.

I am now home alone, crying and hungry.

I’ve honestly had enough now. I’m not cut out for this, I’m just not.

I’ve got two boys, DS1 has just turned 4 and DS2 is 23 months. DS1 has suspected autism, not diagnosed yet because apparently everything takes about 400 years, but we’ve been told there are definitely developmental concerns. Getting dressed is a battle, leaving the house is a battle, coming back into the house is a battle, food is a battle, bedtime is a battle. There is no normal day here anymore.

He is aggressive aswell. He hits, kicks, throws things, screams, pulls hair, pushes. He regularly pulls his little brothers hair and shoves him over and then I’m the one having to get between them while DS2 is crying and DS1 is screaming because I’ve stopped him. I tell him leave him alone, I say it nicely, I say it not nicely, I move DS2, I move DS1, nothing makes any difference. DS2 has started copying him now aswell. He pushes things and shouts and has started doing this horrible little angry noise that DS1 does. I feel like I’m watching him turn into the same sort of child and I cannot cope with two of them doing it.

They share a room because we only have two bedrooms and bedtime is honestly a joke. DS1 won’t leave DS2 alone. He gets out of bed, goes over to him, pulls his hair or takes his blanket or whatever he can get hold of. Then DS2 starts crying, DS1 gets louder, I go in there, they both get more worked up and suddenly it’s half 10 and nobody is asleep. I dread bedtime. I actually start feeling sick when it gets to about 6 because I know what’s coming.

DS1 was at nursery but he wasn’t coping there at all. He was having problems with the other children and the staff were struggling with his behaviour. He was getting more and more upset and it just wasn’t working so he isn’t going anymore. He’s just here with me all day every day now. No break, no quiet, no chance to think. DP works full time and doesn’t really see what it’s like during the day. He comes home and DS is sometimes sitting eating or watching something and then apparently I’ve made it sound worse than it is. Yes because you’ve been here for twenty minutes and he’s currently eating a biscuit.

Today was awful from the minute we left the house. We went into town because I needed a few bits and thought it might be nice to get out for once. I took the double buggy, but DS1 refused to sit in it. Screaming, getting out, throwing himself backwards every time I tried to put him back in. In the end I let him walk because I couldn’t spend the whole afternoon wrestling a 4 year old into a buggy while DS2 sat there watching.

Then he ran off. He saw something and went and I was trying to get DS2 out of the way of people and by the time I looked up he was gone. I had to leave the bags and run after him. I was furious and terrified at the same time, which is a horrible combination because you’re trying to catch your child while also wanting to scream at them. I can’t take my own children into town for half an hour without it turning into an emergency. What am I supposed to do, stay in the house until they’re teenagers?

Then he wanted food from one of the shops and when I said no he started screaming again. Honestly the only time he seems properly happy is when he’s eating. He can be miserable and shouting for hours and then you give him something and suddenly he’s fine, sitting there like nothing happened while I’m shaking and trying not to cry. I know people will say sensory issues and regulation and all the rest of it, but I’m telling you what it is like to live with. We came home early and the whole afternoon was a complete waste of time.

I cried when we got home. DP asked what was wrong and I said I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want every day to be like this. I don’t want to spend my life dealing with screaming and hitting and trying to stop one child hurting the other. I don’t enjoy taking DS1 anywhere. I don’t enjoy playing with him. I don’t look forward to him waking up. I feel horrible writing that but it’s true. Sometimes I just want him to go away and leave me alone for five minutes, which obviously makes me feel like the worst person alive.

The thing I feel worst about is I wouldn’t have had another baby if I’d known DS1 was going to be like this. I love DS2, obviously I do, but I feel like I’ve brought him into a family where he can’t even have a normal childhood because everything revolves around DS1. He can’t play in his own room without DS1 going over and grabbing him. He can’t sit with a toy without it being taken. I feel like I’ve made a massive mistake having two children when I can barely manage one. I thought it would get easier as DS got older but it hasn’t. If anything it’s got worse and now there’s another child being dragged into it.

DP says I’m being horrible and DS can’t help it, which I KNOW. I’m not stupid. I know he isn’t waking up thinking how can I ruin mums day today but it feels like it and knowing why he does it doesn’t make it less exhausting when you’re the one dealing with it from 7am until bedtime. I’m the one who can’t go to the toilet without something happening. I’m the one who can’t get them both dressed without somebody screaming. I’m the one who has to watch DS2 every second because DS1 might suddenly pull him over. DP gets to go to work and have adults around him and eat his lunch without somebody throwing a cup.

I’ve been looking into autism assessments and support but everything takes forever. You get told to wait, then wait for another appointment, then somebody says they’ll call you and they don’t. People say ask for help but what help exactly? We don’t have family who can just come and take them for the day. I can’t afford private anything. DP says I need to be more patient but I genuinely don’t know where I’m supposed to find more patience from. I’ve used it all. It’s gone.

I feel like a terrible mother saying this but I am done. Today has tipped me over the edge and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and do the exact same thing again. I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I’m just the person who stops people hitting each other and cleans up food and says no all day. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I want one day where nobody is screaming, nobody is pulling anyone’s hair and I can actually enjoy being a mum instead of just surviving it. Is that really too much to ask?

4 years ago we inherited a house. It has been on the market for the entirety of that time. It is on sale for approx 25% of market value. Reasons below:

The property is non-standard construction and therefore unmortgagable (we have explored this extensively).

It has a sitting lifetime tenancy on a peppercorn rent. Tenant is in their 70s and in good health.

We cannot sell it due to the above.

For those unaware, lifetime tenants cannot be evicted and the rent is very tightly controlled. We have increased it to the maximum allowed every year for the 4 years we've owned it. It still doesn't constitute £1000 a year.

We do not have any more money to put in to the property. We've done the legal required stuff. We've explored legal avenues for eviction ABD offered to give (gift) the property to the sitting tenant.

We basically need someone to come along with enough money to keep the property legally for 20+ years before they can do anything with it.

The most recent gas and electricity safety checks and the EPC have shown significant work needed in the next 12 months to keep it legal. We can't do it. Our only option is to sell our home that we, move in to a much smaller property in a different area (moving children's schools and away from family) and renting ourselves.

We have 0 savings because of the house and cannot afford basic things for our own home.

I just don't know what to do.

WWYD? We literally cannot give it away - we offered it to the LA and to a social landlord and a landlord with an extensive portfolio in the area and all said no.

In 20years, when the tenant dies or moves in to care the land might be worth something (and therefore sellable) but we can't wait that long. We had absolutely no idea the property existed until we inherited it and I've no idea why we did.

Any out of the box thinking here from the hive mind?

He has the energy and work ethic of a machine. I do not.

We are rennovating a property to move into and he gets to work on it at 10am. I get there at 11am. At 2.30pm i'm starving because i haven't had any breakfast.

I know DP expects me to be there sooner and leave later. So at 2.30 I say i'm going to go get lunch and he says 'already?' Its so passive aggressive to me as i know he means 'but theres so much work to do you should do more work.'

SO i go get lunch and sit in bed and feel like crap while he works away. I dont want to go back because is so miserable when someone constantly judging how much you do and comparing it to them. It's so exhausting and miserable to paint and clean.

Then i go at 4pm and start again but im in a bad mood even if it's not totally obvious to me. I want to do a job thats not too strenuous but DP immediatly asks me to do the dirtiest and most miersable job up a ladder. So i start doing it, and DP gives me advice on how i can do it better and I just burst into tears and tell him how I feel and lose my rag on him.

I just feel the whole job is miserable just because of the way he thinks. If he were just kind and supportive of what i did i would come back with a better energy and enthusiasm after lunch but i feel I have to get to work sooner than i am ready to or i will feel the judgement. Whatever i do feels like is not enough, could be done better and for longer.

How do i fix this from over and over again?

My 4 year old is really into drawing atm and I was thinking of some sort of gift for grandparents of one of them made into some sort of gift. Does anyone have any suggestions beyond just a nice frame?

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

Basically we were at a sandpit and my 2 year old loves being friends with other kids and playing with them.

today he went over to a little boy maybe 3ish who was building something. My son wanted to help him and was copying the little boy and trying to help him.

the little boy kept putting his arm in the way, leg in the way, flicking the sand out my sons hand and pushed him over a couple of times into the sand.

The mum was watching the whole time and she didn’t say a thing. I didn’t say a thing as I didn’t know what to say. It was awkward, but I could see he really wanted to join in. the whole time my son didn’t react and was waiting to join in. after a few mins, he got fed up and my son knocked the sandcastle over.

the other little boy screamed crying and ran to his mum and she then gave me a filthy look. Normally I’d say sorry , but this time I didn’t aibu

We’re going to an organised night at a very swanky club in the US

bearing in mind I haven’t been into a club in about 25 years, I’m 51, slim, tall, have cowboy boots, won’t wear heels

what the hell am I going to wear

(temp will be about 20 degrees)

I'm thinking of investing in my first pair of knee high boots, but am nervous about them being work appropriate!
Are these suitable, e.g. with an almost-knee-length skirt? I imagine I could also wear them with a miniskirt out of work

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/4591300000

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/5026200000

Hard one to explain but I've always had really thin hair that's see through & breaks easy so rarely grows to a decent length. It means I tie it up every day but by doing so it makes me look quite 'done' if that makes sense.
For example, at work I wear quite smart trendy outfits (least I'd say so!) but a scraggly loose ponytail doesn't match so I end up doing a bun - instantly creating a smart vibe that I don't particularly want. When at the kids football, I end up having to scrap the hair back all slick as the broken fly aways look awful in the wind but then it looks too much for a hoodie & muddy trainers.

It was always like this when I went out clubbing, friends would have curly or straight hair worn down whereas I'd have mine pinned back. My friend would wear big puffy dresses with her curly hair & all would be in proportion but whatever I wore would have to go with my pea head!

I'm just finding it's either aging me or requiring far more work, like having to put make up on to balance it all out. And more recently I've realised that certain outfits can't be worn as I look too much or too dressed up. Not doing my hair at all means the opposite.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at, just wondering if others understand? Do you find the hair makes an outfit or look?

So we’ve been in this ‘Cost of Living’ crisis for a while now but has anyone else notice some insane price increases for everyday items more recently. Today a deodorant I have usually bought for £2.50 is priced at £4.75, toothpaste £7.00 and a pack of throat lozenges £6.50 pretty sure the last time I bought these they were around £4. Yes I know I can probably shop around and find these things on offer somewhere but they are just an example of items in a high st pharmacy that I would have previously purchased without a second thought. Don’t get me started on food costs even buying some sweets for trick or treating tonight had me wincing, it’s just really frightening and I don’t know where it will end or how people are just accepting it.

Please share some more of your Crazy Price stories so that we can see how mad this is all getting.

Welcome to Thread 14, calendar crew!

It looks like thread 13 won't even take us to Hallowe'en 👻 let alone to Black Friday

It's not only ACs, but the Christmas boxes and stockings are all coming out now too. Will we have any pennies left for Christmas presents or will our loved ones get a funsize selection box from their now very fragrant and beautiful relatives ??

Link for alllll the calendars via the wonderful MaryBD is here
https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/

Even before Black Friday, there are discount codes here:
https://beauty-detective.com/beauty-advent-calendar-discount-codes-deals-2026/

Best of the makeup ACs here:
https://beauty-detective.com/best-makeup-advent-calendars-2026/

And best of the fragrance ACs here:
https://beauty-detective.com/best-fragrance-advent-calendars-2026/

I love preparing the Christmas stocking each year, it's one of my favourite jobs and so I tend to get it done early (and then try and stop myself buying anything else!)

So far for dd, who is nearly 8, I have got:

Mini brand surprise balls (pet and food)
Activity book
Reading books x 2
Rosalinda mini figure
Nutcracker chelsea doll
Marshmallow keyring
Koala teddy
Tamagotchi
Brain game - cats
Penguin pen
Gel pens
Nature colouring book
Lip balm
Mini bee revival kit
Minibrand backpack
Hair slides and hairband
Snake tshirt
Snake stickers

I will also buy something chocolatey and a Lush bath bomb.

Under the tree she will get a schleich stable with some horses and a bean bag and the pets are getting her the Minibrand fridge.

If you are as madly enthusiastic about the stocking as I am, what have you bought so far? Or, what do you plan to buy?

I'm now wondering if DH might also need a stocking this year...

DH thinks I should contribute towards his eldest daughter’s school fees and I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable here.

We’ve been together eight years, married for six. We have two DDs together, aged 7 and 5, and he has a daughter from his previous marriage who is now 13. She was five when we got together so I’ve known her most of her life really. We get on fine, she’s a nice enough girl and I have never had any issue with her being part of our family, but we’re not particularly mother and daughter if that makes sense.

His eldest currently goes to a state school, because her mum has never been particularly keen on private education. Our two girls go to an independent school, which is the one DH has now suggested his eldest should move to. The fees for DD1 are £22,140 a year and DD2’s are £19,080 as she’s in a younger year group. The fee for DSD would be £31,500 but could possibly get a 10% sibling discount, so it’s not even exactly the same amount as the girls.

Apparently she’s been having a difficult time socially at her current school and has been asking about moving. I don’t know all the ins and outs as obviously I’m not involved in the day to day school stuff, but DH thinks a fresh start would be good for her. I haven’t disagreed with that at all.

The problem is he’s now decided that the school our girls attend would be the best option. He spoke to his ex about it and she’s apparently not against her moving, but she doesn’t want to pay private school fees and says she can’t afford them anyway. DH says he can cover most of it but there would still be a shortfall and has suggested I pay towards that. He hasn’t actually said an exact figure yet, but from what I can work out it would be around £10,000 a year after what he says he can pay.

I was a bit taken aback if I’m honest. I work full time in property management and earn a good salary. DH earns considerably more than me through his business. We have a joint account for household expenses but keep our own savings separate. I’ve always been quite careful about having my own money and I don’t think that’s particularly unusual. I have no problem with DH spending his money on his daughter, he’s always done that and I wouldn’t expect anything different. But I don’t see why my savings should now be used to pay her school fees.

DH says I’m looking at this completely the wrong way. His argument is that our girls benefit from his income and that because we’re married, all three children should be treated equally. He said he doesn’t understand how I can be happy paying for our girls’ education but suddenly have an issue when it’s his eldest. I said that’s not the same thing as I’m their mother and their education is something we decided on together. He thinks that’s a horrible distinction to make.

What has made it more awkward is that his daughter apparently knows about the possible move and I don’t want her thinking she’s somehow less important or that I don’t want her at the same school. I’d be perfectly happy for her to come here if DH and her mum can sort out the fees. I’m not trying to exclude her.

But equally I don’t think it’s fair for DH to decide on a private school and then expect me to make up the difference because her mum doesn’t want to pay for one. Surely that’s something he needs to work out himself?

He’s now saying I’m being selfish and making a distinction between the children that he would never make. Am I being unreasonable to refuse to contribute? I feel like I’ve been put in a really uncomfortable position.

I’ve been consuming quite a lot of pregnancy content recently because obviously that’s where I’m at in my life (sarcasm). Anyway, I was listening to two women my age (33), both on their second children and one of them said, “if you’re not having children in your thirties, what are you doing?”

What am I doing?

Maybe I’m having brunch, drinking out of a champagne glass. Maybe I’m on Tinder. Maybe I’m going to start having an affair. The options are endless okay? Don’t limit yourself.

Let’s call a spade a fucking spade. Let’s not idealise this situation. There’s plenty of stuff I could be doing.

Maybe I’m in a sauna. Get in a sauna. Maybe I’m getting absolutely pissed out of my eyeballs on a Thursday night and calling Karaoke Box in Soho at 7pm to see if they’ve got space for me and my mate to sing the entirety of Hamilton the musical.

Maybe I’m having a wee on my own. Maybe I’m lifting weights at the gym without pissing my pants. Maybe I’m not opening a snack for someone with no fine motor skills. The possibilities really are endless.

AIBU to think we can stop acting as though having children is the only meaningful thing a woman can do in her thirties?

Like pretty much everyone on S&B I've been despairing of the quality of M&S knickers these days. I would like to extend this despair also to socks and t-shirts. Everything is poor quality fabric and just doesn't last very long.

I need to get new knickers, socks, comfortable jogging bottoms (not leggings!), t-shirts. Just the basics but I'm finding that my usual purchases are not lasting well. For example, I have M&S pants bought ten years ago that are better quality than some bought last year. Same with socks - they just go holey within a year.

Does anyone have any recommendations? My Instagram algorithm is now giving me lots of small, British makers but I have no idea whether they are any good. Would love some recommendations of brands where it's actually worth spending the money!

So, had thought DP was acting oddly, nothing I could put my finger on. We’d booked to get married which he didn’t seem in the least excited about, which after 30 years together, we needed to do for inheritance purposes. I couldn’t shake the feeling, kept asking him, he said he was either tired, busy with work etc etc.
i go down to the kitchen on Friday morning and there’s his phone - so I checked it. He’d been messaging a woman over 30 years younger than him who works in his building. She’d initiated the contact, but he must have given her his number. She sent him a mirror selfie to which he replies ‘Beautiful, thank you!’ - they’ve met a couple of times in her office, with him responding ‘can’t wait for the next catch up’. I’ve told him it’s over between us but he says he’ll do anything to make it better, he doesn’t know what he was thinking, he didn’t know how to respond to her! I just feel so disrespected and disgusted, I can’t believe he’s done it. I feel like I don’t even know who he is, he’s in his 60’s FFS. The weirdest thing is, I feel validated, like I’ve trusted my gut and was right. It’s like the niggling doubts that I’ve had over the years but never taken further, I was probably right every time. I think I should feel devastated but I just don’t, is this shock?