My 4 year oldS behaviour is breaking me. He is nearly 5. His violence and demands have been consistent daily since he was around 2.5. We have tried everything. Calm, gentle, ignore, punish, shouting etc. He has just started school. He is absolutely fine there but is repeatedly hitting and spitting at me if he doesn't get to do what he wants after school such as get an ice cream or go to the park. He does this all the time at home too.

Tonight at bedtime because I was sat on the wrong part bed of the bed with his brother he decided to start kicking and hitting me and I had to restrain him. His older brother who is the most placid and gentle kid has to witness this distress all the time. When I talk to him after he says things such as I like hitting people, I hate you, I am never sorry to you. My soul is being destroyed by all this. I don't know how to connect with him as his default is aggression when with his brother it is so much more organic I am kind to him and he is thankful and kind in return. I feel like I am a good mum to both of them so why does one of them treat me this way. He also says things about being dead and kill a lot too.

Are these early signs of future mental illness? School and nursery have never raised anything ever about his behaviour but I feel like I'm failing and fear for the future. Not only for him but for myself. Supporting him but also when he is bigger and can overpower me. He is already large and strong for his age.

Anyone have a child similar and have things got better? The internet searches just say he is still young and it is still behaviour in normal range? Please help. AIBU?

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Where can I buy some 10 denier ultra high gloss tights in nudes. Ive looked on Google some are very expensive. I once bought some on temu and they weren't anything like picture!

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Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

Archers All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you would love to attend Pip's wedding with Natasha and the starry twins, or other unusual views. Grin

Archers Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-12-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

Archers For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Starting the new thread a bit early as I'm not sure I'll have much internet access for the next few days. Fill up the old one first. And then - over to you!

(Credit for the thread title goes to @TripleSulko.)

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OMG
Got a new light up mirror yesterday

Chin hairs are out of control
Any recommended tweezers

5

Not intentionally manipulative. I’m sure she would be utterly mortified to know that it has an effect on me. Bit mum is a complete slave to her emotions and cannot hide them one little bit. If she is worried, if she is sad, stressed, disappointed or upset with herself about something, her mood will plummet. I feel like I am the adult, regulating my own feelings, while she is the child or teen, acting them out. She doesn’t get unpleasant, just tense, flappy, morose, a bit moody or snappy.

In my youthful naivety I would say things like “try to forget about it” or “think about X instead” and she would say that she cannot control her feelings, as though it’s just a fact of the world, like the grass is green.

I just find that as an adult (she is my closest family - I am single) I can’t actually confide in her about any problems or worries, because she would just fret about it more than me (because she loves me, but that does not make it helpful).

Not sure what my AIBU is, I just wanted to vent. Anyone else experience this?

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So im fairly ancient but doesnt seem to be a grans age net so...im supposedly a soft summer colour and a soft classic kibe body type. Im taking early retirement and love to sew but soft kibe clothes are a bit office wear and being a mad old lady I kind of want to sew doen cottage core and 1930 /40, vintage pretty stuff .so do i ignore paid for proffessional advice or what?

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Sorry it’s not a posh one for you perfume experts ! But would love to find a gift for my mum. Shes got an old bottle of Molton Brown Bursting Caju and Lime which she really likes/liked. Apparently it was discontinued 6 years ago so although there are a couple of bottles on EBay they are probably really old.
Does anyone know of anything that smells similar ?

Wondering if anyone had the discount code for the Gava pumpkins, I saw the ad for them with the discount code and now I cannot find it for the life of me. Obsessed with them!

I sort of shop there in spurts & right now i need to burn my account!

It's almost a hobby but i find myself endlessly scrolling. Who would have thought sifting through other people's old clothes would be so much fun?

I can feel how addictive it is!

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I know there is a thread about the theft of some pre publication editions of this book.
This thread is more by way of a book club discussion about the actual book , the text. Threads will go where they will , but my intention is this is more for me to give my opinion on the book and for others who read it or are interested in the book to join in. I have pre-ordered from Kindle (half price otherwise I may not have 😊) But is only available on September 22nd. So a holding place if you like.

449

As a family we do not eat enough fish. One will eat tuna mayo and one will eat fish and chips! Please can you suggest some family friendly fish ideas I can try that all the family will hopefully eat. I’m thinking white fish, no salmon or sea food to begin with. As easy and failsafe for me as possible, it’s not going to be the cheapest dinner! TIA

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What is the appropriate response to your toddler having a full blown tantrum in a shop or other public place? I always stay and continue my shopping, albeit at speed but the looks I get from other shoppers tell me that maybe IABU and I’m supposed to abandon my trolley / basket and take said child immediately out of the store. I asked a friend and she also said she would leave straight away.

The reason I don’t do that is because a) my toddler has tantrums daily at random and I’d never get anything done if I just stopped it every time they started; b) I’m usually in the shop because we really need something, that need doesn’t go away so I’d have to return to the shop later anyway; and c) taking the child out of the shop does not magically end the tantrum and therefore help the child emotionally, they will continue until they are done whether I’m in a shop or not, so I don’t feel I’m “harming” the child by continuing what we are doing (btw I will do the whole script of I can see you’re upset, you wanted XYZ and you couldn’t have it, it’s ok to be upset etc., suggest “blowing bubbles” or blowing out candles to model deep breaths and also periodically offer cuddles while continuing getting what we need though I can’t say it really helps and sometimes seems to make it worse even).

For context an example of this was at the weekend, I told my older child we could go buy snacks for a movie night. Toddler saw a huge car thing in the shop they wanted, I said no. Tantrum immediately ensued. They are quite loud and once the tantrum starts literally anything I say to them will make the screaming more intense. I carried on getting the snacks because leaving at that point would have meant disappointment for the older child and them potentially thinking the toddler was to blame. I really don’t want them to resent each other. But I got so many people looking at me in horror as if I was being abusive and it made me think maybe I’m doing the wrong thing?

Just curious what others perspectives are on this?

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Basically I'm going to try ask Every Everyone is doing I'm looking for some night time activities since 2-year-old is having sleep issues 🙃

Taken from a book I found today in a charity shop. So much to say that its hard to know where to start!

The Radio Doctor's Dictionary of Health by Charles Hill, published in 1952.

There may or many not be seven stages of man. There are certainly three phases in the life of a woman. The first is the phase of childhood which passes with the physical and mental changes occurring at puberty into the second or middle phase of womanhood.
The third phase begins, usually between the ages of forty and forty-five, with the so-called menopause or change of life. Puberty, which may begin at the age of twelve or thirteen, come on with amazing quickness. The menopause on the other hand, develops slowly and deliberately. It marks the end of menstruation which first becomes irregular and later disappears. The change of life completed, there can no longer be childbearing.
The menopause is marked by both mental and physical changes. The warmth of physical feelings gives way to the calmness of serene affection, and quite often to a wider interest in the affairs of the world. The change may take one or two years, varying in length in different people. The reproductive organs, no longer functioning, become smaller. There may be symptoms which for a while unpleasant. For example, there may be sweating and giddiness, heats or flushes. These sensations may come on without warning. For most women, this is all that happens. Occasionally, however, there may be trying headaches and uneasy sensations, particularly in the breasts. At this time some women begin to put on weight. Much more rarely there are nervous troubles, particularly amongst those whose days are too leisured.
What can be done? For the most part, nothing need be done. It is best, though this is not always easy, to ignore what is happening and to carry on a normal life. The sympathy of others is no good. Giving in is a mistake. The less notice is taken of the change of life, the more quickly it seems to pass.
It helps to cut down diet, although nowadays our rations do that for us. Alcohol affords no relief. Indeed, it may make matters worse rather than better. The change of life, it must be remembered, is a normal, natural thing. It is not an illness or the beginning of an illness. It's a milestone, not a millstone.
The change may bring with it a release of energy, a need for activity in many new directions. Occasionally it makes a woman appear a little too managing, because she is filled with a desire to reform the lives of other. But most women suffer little or nothing. Eighty-five out of every hundred women pass through the menopause without being troubled by it. This is the occasion for an important warning. If the periods, having stopped, should appear to start again, a doctor should always be consulted,. There may be something wrong.

The third phase of life is sometimes the richest phase, the one in which to find tranquillity, and a full peaceful happiness.

106

Hi,

Anyone got good recommendations for TMUA prep for students who have exhausted all the real papers and need reinforcement/tips especially as the first exam is coming around soon?

I've come across a lot of websites like this one
https://tmuamaster.com/
And the author seems to have written a book very recently, so I doubt any of you have purchased it yet, but it seems to have more than just practice questions which could help, and tips on how to answer. Except I haven't bought it yet.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0HJSVMYQ7

But would love all the help. Ideally targeting a 6.0+

TMUA Master | Concept Bridges, Mathematical Reasoning & Mock Tests
Prepare for TMUA with structured worked examples, topic-based practice questions and realistic online mock tests.
https://tmuamaster.com
1

He's been in for 10 days after a hip replacement. He's doing OK, but the recovery isn't happening as quickly as he expected. (He's 85).

I've visited most days, but never spoken to a doctor or OT, both he and Mum have full capacity, so all the important conversations have been with them.

He's desperate to come home, but still very frail and not very mobile.

They live in a big house with no downstairs bathroom or bedroom. (I know, but as I said full capacity).

He has "fibbed", his words, to be allowed to come home. He's told them he has a bed downstairs (he means the sofa) and downstairs bathroom (there is a small downstairs loo) and, I strongly suspect, that he has a wonderful daughter nearby who will be at his beck and call!

Mum is elderly and disabled herself, but very stoic and will get on with doing what needs doing, which would include caring for him and the house with only one working leg. They are both determined not to have outside help. Neither has had a bath or shower in months, although they are very particular about being clean, and they don't seem unwashed, so must be doing a decent job.

I will do bits, but I can't offer "care" and in any case they're not expecting that, they just want the hospital to believe it so that he's "allowed" to come home.

I think I just have to leave it and let them struggle, as is their choice, but it seems all wrong.

Are there other options?

207

I live in a 3 bed flat with husband, 5 year old and 1 year old daughter. We have a big bedroom and 2 other rooms that are fairly small. The plan was for my girls to share a room initially (can fit two beds or bunks) and leave the other room for a play room / dressing room for them. If them sharing doesn’t work out we’ were going to move baby into own room. My husband recently got a new job and annoyingly it’s mainly hybrid (turns out he’ll be working from home most the time)
it’s good because he’ll be able to do school pick ups etc more but he needs a big desk for 2 monitors+ laptop. Am I being unreasonable to find it annoying? I am just not keen on all his work stuff taking over our flat and him not being able to switch off as easily. Also would it be better to put big desk in our bedroom or cram into kids playroom do you think? We spend most the time in lounge so don’t want it there. Any tips for making wfh feel less intrusive and desk that keep things organised but don’t take up so much room/ look nice?

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Other than an umbrella!! I’ve done a big autumn stock up today because I had nothing!!

I’ve got:

3 pairs of trousers

3 jeans

5 wool jumpers

lots of tops, some long sleeve some short sleeve

2 coats - a trench coat and a long wool coat

a raincoat

2 pairs of ankle boots

1 skirt

what am I missing?!

17

...or do i need to find a healthier option? This is for DD's 7th party next week. Self catered, 25 x 6-7 year olds (most of them still 6). No access to drinking water due to venue location. I'm taking usual kids party food - ham / cheese sandwiches, cheese, fruit & veg platters, mini sausages etc. I'm struggling for drinks as will be unable to do the usual jugs of squash/water. So I'm looking for a pre-packed option. Will get bottles of water but a bit boring to have that as the only option at a kids party, so would like the kids to have an option of a flavoured drink - are fruit shoots okay to give out to all the kids or will the other parents judge? I know actual fruit juice cartons may be better - but serving, actual fruit, cake and sweet cones, so ideally the drink will be lower sugar. fruit shoots are what I'm thinking....

116

Anyone else? I have size 8 feet and I really hate it! They are huge and sometimes I have to get a 9 if the shoes are tight, I’ve always hated having such big feet as a woman, im not tall either so it’s not even in proportion, even my daughter has got my big feet as shes 9 with size 5 woman’s feet, I dread to think what size she will end up as, gone are all the pretty young girls shoes as most dont go up as big so shes 9 having to wear adult shoes, finding nice school shoes is hard. AIBU to hate having big feet!

163

I’m early 40s, 5ft 5, size 8-10 (trying to lose a stone as feeling not great about my body) and I have about £1,500 to spend. I’m ok for shoes I think - have a mix of trainers and boots and a pair of ‘nice’ shoes if needed.
My hair isn’t so great so I could probably do something with that ideally.
What are the best things to invest in? My issue is I only really like very casual stuff and I can’t always wear very casual stuff.
I feel like I’m a sort of in between age and in between size and nothing looks very nice.

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