Shiny new thread just in time for the new season - I'm thinking smoky, spicy gourmands as we head through autumn.

Old thread here
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5536911-scent-of-the-day-part-9-with-the-friendly-perfumistas-cheapies-or-niche-were-smelling-divine?reply=152661590

My dog of 14years has had high blood pressure for about 4 months now. Medication has lowered it to a point but vets now want to refer him for further scans as he’s not responding to meds as expected .

He has already had X-rays, ultrasounds and numerous blood tests and the vets have been unable to find the reason for his high BP.

He is already completely blind in one eye and the vision in his “good” eye is very very poor. His hearing is declining and can only seem to hear when we either whistle or talk in a really high pitched voice.

Apart from all this, he is otherwise well and is a happy dog who eats well and wants to go on walks

My dilemma is would it be wrong to just carry on with the medication and to not have any further expensive investigations and for them still not get to the bottom of it? He also gets incredibly stressed going to the vets and we have to give him a relaxant when we go.

I think there is something wrong with my boyfriend but I don't really know what it could be. He's absolutely not a bad person and very gentle but he generally seems really detached and disinterested in people. It's definitely gotten "worse" or more noticeable and I'm wondering if these might be signs of depression or maybe burnout.
He caused some upset last weekend when he called someone dramatic when they talked about something that clearly upset them. This evening we were with friends and he casually mentioned that he saw a child get hit by a car today, but he seemed surprised that we were all shocked and wanted to know more because he had apparently just decided to keep driving because he hadn't been involved, didn't care and because he had to be somewhere. He hadn't even mentioned it to me earlier today.
When we got home he went straight to bed because he was tired which is ok of course but again not the usual behaviour.

I just think these things have become more pronounced and I think that something is wrong but I know that he'll just claim to be fine if I raise it again.

Does this sort of thing around familiar? I was thinking of depression or burnout but I am no expert at all. Any suggestions welcome

I’m looking for a stylish trainer that is genuinely waterproof that I can walk a fair distance in - commute to work - any thoughts or recs? Needs to have some arch support not completely flat. Thanks

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

After the break down of my relationship I am spending Christmas Day alone. It is partly by choice, I do have lovely family and friends that would be happy to host me but due to some other commitments I have it’s not worth the faff. I’m a bit worried on the day it will hit me that I’m alone on my favourite day of the year so looking for recommendations on how to make it feel special and indulgent. I would have gone away but have work either side so can’t make it work. Suggestions welcome

Just that. I’m not saying I would, but would like some views. My DP messed up with one of my adult DC, acted stupidly and overstepped my DC’s boundaries. DP apologised but this wasn’t accepted. I was clear in saying that DP was in the wrong but DC wanted more from me and NC with me now as a result. Second adult DC, not directly involved, now also threatening to go NC if I don’t separate from DP. We’ve been together several years and this is heartbreaking in every direction.

I need to sit down and tell the children that their father and I are getting divorced. I’ve been looking online for advice on the best way to do this. One of the main points is not to assign blame anywhere. I’m ok with this, I want to do what’s best for my children. Here is the problem, we’re divorcing due to my STBXH’s infidelity and DS1 (12yo) unfortunately knows about this infidelity (due to STBXH being indiscreet). DS2 (10yo) does not know. When sitting us all down to tell them about the divorce, I’m envisioning lots of “but why?” questions in the moment and due to DS1 knowing I feel like we’ll be gas lighting him here if the real reason isn’t alluded to, even if it’s just “daddy broke some promises” kind of line. I’m also concerned about DS1, having to hold this back from DS2. It feels like more lies are being created within the family and we’re pulling DS1 into it all. But all the advice says don’t lay the blame on anyone when telling the children, but what happens when one of them already knows why the divorce is happening? As I said, I really don’t want to drag them both through it, I just don’t want DS1 to feel like he’s holding a big secret because that’s hugely damaging in itself. I will be getting counselling for him whatever happens. For the children’s future happiness, what’s the best thing to do here?

Thanks so much to @Sideorderofchips for keeping things going. I can barely believe it's September and (for me at least!) that only means one thing - Christmas can start!!!!

Hope you've all had a great year and have missed you all. Last couple of years I've had various health things going on so have been a bit distant from the threads. Not quite there yet but feeling stronger than this time last year and I can't wait until I see more festive items in the shops! I've already bought my advent calendar - I've got the taskmaster one (which I'm quite excited about!).

I'll post various links etc in the next thread first post but essentailly you guys know the drill - share and be nice or leave.

<waves to everyone>

Welcome to Thread 6 🥳

A huge thank you to @OvaHere, @JoRaRaRa and @Thelifeofawife
for the previous threads, and to everyone who had been sharing spoilers, information. links, bargains, discount codes and enabling each other over the first 5 threads. ❤️

As agreed, we're taking it in turns to start each new thread this year. If this thread starts getting close to the reply limit, please post to let everyone know you're happy to start the next one so we can avoid duplicate threads.

🎅 A few festive housekeeping notes;
🎁 This thread contains spoilers.
🎄 Please be kind and respectful to one another.
💸 No judging anyone for their purchasing choices (or how many calendars they buy... we're all enablers here! 😂).
🎀 Feel free to share spoilers, offers, discount codes, GWPs, delivery updates and stock alerts.

Disclaimer/Pathetic excuse from Pond!

Apologies in advance for any mistakes or broken links, which are down to me and not the previous authors!

Thread 5 is almost full so I have done this very quickly, mostly just adding to the good work that has gone before!

🎁 Available Now:

Boots launch 01/09 for waitlist then 2/09 for general sale
www.boots.com/christmas/advent-calendars/advent-calendar-waiting-list
Luxe £150
beauty-detective.com/boots-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Scent £90
beauty-detective.com/boots-12-days-of-scent-advent-calendar-2026/
Skin £70
beauty-detective.com/boots-24-days-of-skin-advent-calendar-2026/

Liberty – £285 (Beauty Drop members receive £25 off). Full contents revealed. Beauty Drop member pre order has closed and those advents are being dispatched. The advent will go on general sale soon (BD members still qualify for the discount during the general sale)
www.libertylondon.com/uk/features/beauty/beauty-advent-calendar#
Unboxing
P. Louise – £250. Available to pre-order with payment instalments available.
^https://plouise.co.uk/collections/wonderful-world-of-p-louise-advent-calendar/products/what-glows-around-2026-advent-calendar^

John Lewis – £250. Available on pre-sale via the app for MyJL members.
^https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/^

Harrods Beauty Advent Calendar – £270. Now on sale online and in-store
^https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284475^

Harrods 12 Days of Hair & Body – £99. Now on sale online and in-store
^https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-12-days-of-hair-and-body-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284465^

Harrods Fragrance Advent Calendar – £225. Pre-sale sold out. Went on sale in-store 1/9.
^https://beauty-detective.com/harrods-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^

Vogue Festive Calendar – £355. Available to pre-order
^https://shop.vogue.co.uk/products/vogue-festive-calendar-2026^

Fortnum & Mason Beauty Advent Calendar - £275. Available now
^https://www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnums-beauty-advent-calendar-2026^

Fenwick 25 day beauty advent calendar - £250. Available now
https://fenwick.co.uk/products/fenwick-fenwick-beauty-25-day-advent-calendar-2026

Anthropologie 24 Day Beauty Advent Calendar – £98. Available now
^https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/24-days-of-beauty-advent-calendar5^

The Fragrance Shop - Available for pre-order £120 members, £150 non-members
Women's Advent Calendar
^https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76306^
Men's Advent Calendar ^https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76307^

Selfridges
Beauty & Fragrance £250. Went on sale 1/9, but appears to be ‘sold out’ at present.

^https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/^

Elle £197 or £187 if you joined the waitlist
^https://beauty-detective.com/elle-advent-calendar-2026/^

LookFantastic Beauty. Available for pre-order:

https://www.lookfantastic.com/p/beauty-box/the-beauty-advent-calendar-worth-over-665/17691363/

LookFantastic Fragrance. Available for pre-order:

https://www.lookfantastic.com/p/beauty-box/the-fragrance-advent-calendar-worth-over-530/17691405/

Glossybox. £90 or £75 for subscribers. Code: KAREN5 may give £5 off the £90. Available now:

https://www.glossybox.co.uk/p/beauty-box/glossybox-2026-advent-calendar-worth-over-645/17691528/

OK Beauty Box advent/Hannah Martin. Available now £109:

https://www.okbeautybox.co.uk/products/the-ok-beauty-box-advent-calendar?srsltid=AfmBOoppTH5x1vrf3PT8oCWpKiUj111T5PdA8IBPKCjA9SYOpugUFCBJ

⏳ Coming Soon / Waitlists
Cult Beauty £245 - £20 gift voucher back when buying at launch 03/09 early access.
^https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/c/advent-calendar/^

Harvey Nichols
Due to the recent takeover, it’s unclear if these a/cs are still going ahead for 2026. Details TBC.
Beauty:
^https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-75896-258491/^

Fragrance:
^https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-12-days-of-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026-75906-258490/^

John Lewis Fragrance £99 - appeared briefly for sale 1/9 online but this seems to have been a glitch.
^https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^

Space NK £275
^https://www.spacenk.com/uk/gifts/beauty-advent-calendars/beauty-advent-calendar-MUK200063764.html^
Unboxing video

Sephora UK
Spoilers:
^https://beauty-detective.com/sephora-uk-advent-calendar-2026/^
Waitlist: ^https://www.sephora.co.uk/c/beauty-advent-calendar-waitlist^

Fragrance - current thinking is that this will cost £225 and launch around 30/9-1/10
^https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^

Next £150 launching 3/9:

^https://beauty-detective.com/next-beauty-advent-calendar-2026^/

Debenhams £120
^https://www.debenhams.com/pages/beauty-advent-calendar^

PURESEOUL £140 (first year they are doing an advent)
beauty-detective.com/pureseoul-advent-calendar-2026/

Jo Malone Waitlist:

www.jomalone.co.uk/advent-calendar-signup?

Jo Loves Waitlist:

https://www.joloves.com/pages/a-jo-loves-advent-calendar?

💄 More Calendars & Spoilers
Rather than making the opening post a mile long, here's a brilliant roundup of lots more advent calendars and the latest spoilers, including Charlotte Tilbury, Elemis, Lancôme, Tatcha, NEOM, Neal's Yard Remedies, Holland & Barrett, YesStyle and many more as they're announced.
👉 ^https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars^/ 👈

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

I have just entered the unexpected world of pain that is helping my daughter to buy a bag for uni. It needs to hold laptop, water bottle etc. I had no idea that backpacks are totally out and that girls seem to be carrying very expensive designer totes? Is this true? Help!

Feel utterly ashamed of myself, today I watched a doctors receptionist speak so appallingly to two patients and, instead of challenging her, or mentioning it to another staff member, like a coward I froze in fear.

long story short, long queue at surgery for the last appointments of the day and one late 20s girl and another maybe 50s, asked something rather innocuous, as I heard blood test and referral. Each time the receptionist was talking to them both like they committed a crime.

The younger girl took her bollocking and said she would call back on Monday after 2pm. The woman though, fair play, tried to give it back but the receptionist used her leverage as staff to make the woman back down.

maybe both patients had done something so terrible to illicit such a response but the receptionist appeared that she quite enjoyed belittling them, loudly and publicly. The thing is, most of what I heard in the queue was from her tone not theirs.

Most of us were shocked and we did the rather British thing of tut and shake our heads.

However, I am ashamed because I would have desperately wanted someone to stand up for me if I were being baited and humiliated it public and instead I froze (I’ve had an incident where I was reduced to tears so I know how demoralising it can be) instead of being a good human being and standing up for them.

Being so cowardly in that moment, is really affecting me to such an extent on a Friday I’m on MN writing this thread.

should I report what I saw? I know I couldn’t help in the moment but would it be reasonable to report it via an online reporting form or a call on Monday?

or should I let it go and hope she doesn’t humiliate any other patients.

my ds was due to start year 7 yesterday, he’s got asd but no ehcp which i was already concerned about

i don’t drive so he was going to to with his older brother (y10) on the bus but he wasn’t starting until today so I tried to take him yesterday but was also with my baby in the pushchair and my 5yo.

he got ready and everything but when we were walking to the bus stop he kept saying he didn’t want to go and was getting upset and tried to run in the road and it just wasnt safe as it was just me and also trying to keep an eye on my younger children so i gave in and we went home which probbaly wasnt great

Today I had to do the school run for my 5yo so couldn’t take him in and he was going to go with his brother as planned but he just wouldn’t get dressed he kept saying things like he wanted his old school and he didnt want to start a new school etc so again i gave in as he was going to make my other children late

have phones the school and the head of year 7 is supposed to call me today but hasn’t yet

I just feel like a failure already i was already worried about him going to school and how he’d cope but not actually getting him there i didnt think this would be the issue

My DD has asked for a choker necklace like this pic. I've found a couple of very cheap ones but does anyone know where I can get one that's made of proper gold?

I’m just home from holiday with DH and 4DC. 2 DC are early teens. Eldest DS is 21. DD is 19 and at uni.
For the rest of us, this was our only holiday this year. It was DD’s 6th: she has (had) £30k in a government child trust fund and has used £10k so far for uni living costs and holidays with friends. She doesn’t work.
DD brought no money on holiday. DS1 bought the occasional ice cream etc, and mentioned he’d have brought more but had just lent Dd £550 for rent.
DH is really annoyed and doesn’t want the eldest two to come on holiday with us again. For reference, DH is recently disabled and still contributed £600 towards the holiday, despite not earning.
im torn: I love family holidays, and enjoy all the DC’s company, but it has been stressful watching pennies on holiday, not helped by DD requesting jet skiing etc at £90 for 20 minutes (I said no!). We aren’t in a position to easily afford holidays without cutting back elsewhere eg food shop- this holiday was saved for with cheaper meals and overtime shifts!
what would anyone else do in my position?

After reading a few threads on the cost of living I wondered if we could share tips for living a like that feels luxury on a bit of a budget?

My tips are home baking, even simple easy to make cakes are much nicer than even expensive store bought and served with a nice pot of tea or a coffee at home is more affordable and enjoyable than paying for a dried out, bought in cake sold in most cafes for 4 times the price.

Also instead of expensive candles I either use a little portable essential oil diffuser with essential oils or wax melts. I burn them in the hall and they seem to fragrance he whole house really nicely without being too strong.

Any other tips?

I have just bought some Kim Organic Straight Leg jeans from Baukjen and am dying to recommend them to everyone as they are such a nice shape and so comfortable.

https://www.baukjen.com/products/kim-organic-cotton-stretch-straight-leg-jeans-washed-indigo?variant=56827317911933

I don't work for Baukjen but just wanted to spread the word as it's ages since I found some really nice jeans.

Hello…

Please help a completely unfashionable & unstylish mum who lives in trainers here… my daughter has just started sixth form and the dress code is “business wear”… we’re ok for suit/jackets etc. but where on earth can you buy nice shoes to wear with a skirt these days? She’s usually mooching around barefoot or in wellies or trainers and possibly the result is she has biggish and quite wide feet (7-7.5) so the current pointy styles look a bit huge . She’s also very self conscious of having “strong” calves so wants heels not flats (flats would be so much easier ).

Also she will be travelling by bus and train so they need to be fairly practical…and comfy!

Can anyone please help us find the shoe that fits magical combination of requirements?!

I have noticed that particularly with older children/ teens with behavioural issues, parents and adults in general seem to think the child is solely to blame and take very little responsibility of their own.
I don’t believe children become violent, aggressive or incredibly reckless for no reason. I believe it is usually due to trauma or neglect/ lack of positive attention even (or especially) in ND children.
It seems like most people genuinely believe that a child or young adult with behavioural issues like aggression/ defiance/ criminal or reckless behaviour has just become that way either of their own accord or due to outside influences or neurodiversity. When it’s often down to neglect and lack of support and love at home.

Arguably, lack of education around attachment and parenting is not always the fault of parents and I’m not sure why it’s not encouraged.
Of Course there are exceptions and other factors that play a part but it’s hard not to notice that it’s often the children who have unstable home lives, multiple younger siblings and no boundaries or routine.
This all seems so obvious to me. AIBU?

My friend is a total minimalist . As long as I've known her she's only owned about 15 items of clothing at a time (she actually used to blog about it) she also has one shampoo bar at a time, one moisturiser etc etc she's never really worn make up so that is not a thing
One year on returning form holiday- she had her backpack stolen with every single item of her clothing in even her underwear. She had to go out and buy everything from scratch. I've often thought about this and am fascinated by the idea of having to just start again. For fun - if you had to start again with your wardrobe with a max of 15 items what would you buy?
You don't have to include a coat (my friend has one woolen and one raincoat parka type)

Mine would be :
Matching tracksuit (sweat shirt and wide leg joggers)
Barrel leg chino type trousers in 2 colours
Soft white t shirts x 3
Thin soft cardigan
Simple dress
Oversized plaid or denim shirt
Graphic t shirt
Cigarette trousers
Vintage or floppy oversized silk shirt
Soft velvet/denim or leather jacket

Anyone else want to play?

So things finished with my situationship late last year. He ended it. It was awful timing. I wasn't a really bad place. Ive been doing therapy for other stuff, going to a life coach etc. Really working on myself and getting back into exercise and trying to love myself. This guy has kept coming back over and over. Its a very long story. Weve seen each other 2 times in last few months and most recently slept together. I told him he would have to wear a condom as i was no longer taking contraceptives, he said he'd just have to be careful and he pulled out. Im not worried about pregnancy as im late 40's and it wasn't the right time of the month. I just cant seem to get mad that he did this. Whats wrong with me? Do I think so little about myself. Was it really that bad? Im not even thinking about STI's- again, what is wrong with me?? I reckon im in some sort of trauma bond and ive worked so bloody hard to pick myself up after an emotionally abusive marriage and now this guy. Am I under reacting? I dont trust myself with this guy at all

Can anyone relate to this?

Currently struggling with DP. We live in separate houses and if it wasn’t for me going round when my kids are with my ex, we’d only see each other once a fortnight. When I brought this up I was told it’s up to me if I want to visit or not in between. DP isn’t fussed.

Best way I can describe how it feels is in the title. Has anyone experienced this?

Having a sleepless night due to overwhelming food stench in bedroom directly about kitchen. This is a 2019 Bellway new build, and have always noticed food smells in the home and particularly strong smells in this bedroom but tonight is worse than ever despite hours with the window open now.

We naively assumed this was normal household smells but neighbours with same set up don’t report same issues at all. Don’t want to just blindly replace extractor in case it’s more of an installation issue.

Could it be blowing air behind the walls or into the ceiling void and then seeping in through gaps/light fitting? Instead of extracting outside? Who can we contact to investigate this?

Any advice, ideas or experience welcomed please

Thank you