Morning!

I'd love to hear thoughts and ideas by my esteemed fellow MNetters.

I don't have a winter coat. I have some raincoats that will do, but I am keen to finally find a nice winter coat.

Thing is, I am short and dumpy with a large menopausal tum. Big thick coats or puffer jackets make me look HUGE. But I don't know what suits me at all. I bought a Burberry trench (second hand) years ago and looked like a mushroom. I love the look of wool/cashmere blends but doubt I want something that thick. I'd like something sophisticated, but I suspect very light weight. I think mid-thigh length as I am only 5 ft 1.

I have googled- I have put the requirements into Chat GPT and I have perused Vinted, but can't find anything that really fits. Budget up to about £150 I guess.

I have always been impressed at the creativity and knowledge of S&B Mnetters so if anyone has a brain wave I'd simply love to hear it.

And it’s lovely - I think anyway.

https://www.johnlewis.com/content/christmas-advert

Keeping the conversation going because this is growing arms and legs. This is a follow on to the previous threads (Crunch Time, Docky Wock etc). I hope the contributors will come back to chat.

What is a ‘normal’ timeline for grief. Current situation… partner lost mum 8 years ago, around anniversary and various other times of year every year, they become insufferable and negative mood gets pushed on to everyone around them. There is no effort to pull and keep themselves in a better headspace, Chooses to stay living under the dark shadow, is this normal? Should others around them still really suffer so much this much time later? It’s like walking on eggshells waiting for the inevitable explosion. And yes before you come for me, I have also
my fair share of grief trauma and loss

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, we don't live together, we are in our 40s. Three months ago he quit his job. He had been unhappy in the job for a while, so that was fair enough. He planned to get another job, but instead had the idea to start a business. The "business" that he settled on is 3D printing. I've mentioned a few times that surely this is more of a side hustle, not something that can replace a full time job, but he just told me that he's "sure it's going to work".

First he made dog models, some were OK, some were really tacky and never would have sold. I tried to tell him this politely but he said some people might disagree (they wouldn't have).

Then he abandoned that idea and came up with a new idea that he's been keeping a secret from me. Last night he finally showed me. It's 3D printed characters that kids can paint, and he plans to sell them for £10+, along with t shirts with kids names on them. There are so many issues with this. You can't sell licensed characters, and there's better, cheaper (official) stuff available at the supermarket. Also kids shouldn't wear shirts advertising their names!

Parents wouldn't buy this. I'm a mum so I would know. He doesn't have kids. I tried to say a few nice things, because I know he wants me to support him and he'll be disappointed if I don't. But I want to tell him it's a shit idea, and he's wasted months on.

Tbh I feel like I've lost respect for him. He cannot possibly be this lacking in intelligence to think this is a great idea. He hasn't done any market research, even on me and I'm a mum and right there. What am I supposed to say? Aibu?

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

He will serve around Seven years . He will be ok inside because he will pay for protection. A lot of men on the internet think he’s been stitched up by the establishment. I hope this sentence makes Men think twice about their future actions .

Who's else setting their alarms ridiculously early tomorrow morning to join the Tesco queue and bag their Christmas delivery slot? 🤣🎄

My husband gets up for work at 4:45am anyway, so he's already been instructed to wake me up at the same time so I can get myself ready to jump in the queue at 5am!

Thought I'd start a little thread so we can all keep each other company tomorrow morning while we're half asleep, clutching our coffees and desperately waiting for our turn to book our Christmas slots!

Who's joining me for the annual Tesco Christmas slot madness?

Just reading the live sentencing of Russell Brand and this is what his defence barrister, Ian Wilson KC has come out with, presumably in a hand-wringing attempt to lessen the sentence.

Ian Winter KC told Southwark Crown Court that Russell Brand's rape and sexual assault convictions have caused 'total devastation' to his wife Laura Gallacher – but she is 'standing by him'. He said "they have been 'wrestling with how to explain' to their ten-year-old child what has happened to their father. 🤔

Mr Winter said: 'I'm afraid words are completely inadequate to truly try to convey to your Lordship the total devastation she's experiencing.

'Currently (they) are wrestling with how to exactly explain to a child who's just turned ten what has happened here. It brings home the consequences of this conduct to totally innocent people who have been caught up in it.'

WTF??? Surely the only non-innocent person is Brand. The "innocent people caught up in this" are his victims first and foremost. And as for "what has happened to their father" ???? Well, justice came knocking that's what happened!

I have no idea how to complain about a barrister's conduct but I really want to. This is just appalling.

Semi detached neighbour has just started digging foundations for an extension. Foundations are more than 3 times deeper than our house foundations and within 5cm of our party wall. No party wall notice was served. After speaking to the builders, it also transpires that the extension is large enough to require planning permission, which the neighbours do not have.

We aren't opposed to the neighbours improving their home, but we want to make sure things are done safely and legally.

We would like a surveyor to check that the plans are structurally sound given our house's very shallow (less than 30cm) foundations and we would like to know what the plans are for their extension, as it might end up substantially overlooking our garden.

We would also like them to apply for the required planning permission before continuing their build as I understand an unpermitted structure next door can affect our ability to sell our house.

Are we being unreasonable?

I’ve appointed myself chief gamesmaster for Christmas. The teens are the tricky ones. The small kids and olds are easily pleased.

so I’ve got dog bingo….that is it so far. Hit me up with your crowd pleasers. Nothing too complicated and ideally things that don’t need a great deal of organising.

AIBU to expect my adult son to move out so I can finally live the life I've always dreamed of?

I'm after some honest opinions because I'm increasingly frustrated with the situation and wondering whether I'm being unreasonable.

A bit of background. I've worked continuously since I was 16. I've never had a gap year, never had that period of freedom to just go and explore the world and do the things I've always wanted to do. I've always put everyone else first, or something life threw at us has taken priority.

Living by the coast, having a boat and being able to sail and explore Europe has been my dream since I was six years old. This isn't some recent midlife crisis or a whim I've suddenly developed. My late husband and I always planned to do this together. It was something we'd always talked about and intended to make happen.

My husband died four years ago. That's really the only thing that's changed about the dream. I still want the same life, even though my world has fundamentally changed.

My son is 20, nearly 21, lives at home and works full-time. He earns around £2,000 a month after tax. I've explained that I want to relocate and that he needs to start making plans to get his own place. This isn't news to him; we've been discussing it for months.

His only regular fixed outgoings are car insurance (£160) and a phone contract (£40), plus the usual costs of maintaining and running his car. I charge him £300 a month board, which I've actually been putting into a savings account for him. He doesn't know about this, as I want him to have a little nest egg when he eventually moves out.

Even allowing for fuel, food (which I buy all his meals to take to work anyway) and personal spending, he has considerable scope to save. He has £1,500 each month after his fixed bills and board. We're now four months down the line and he's saved virtually nothing.

i personally earn about the same as him so I know how to make money stretch.

There seems to be no urgency, no real plans and no apparent recognition that he needs to start taking responsibility for his own future. I appreciate that I shouldn't be the one saving for him, but equally I'm trying to make sure he has a decent start when he does leave home.

I understand that renting is expensive and that moving out for the first time can be daunting. I'm not expecting him to buy a house or live in luxury. A room in a shared house would be a perfectly reasonable starting point.

I, on the other hand, have very little tying me to where I currently live. I moved here 12 years ago for my husband's work. I have no real friends here, I hate my job and there are very limited alternative employment opportunities locally.

Most of our friends were through my husband's work and, since he passed away, we rarely speak or meet socially. I feel like I'm in a bit of a hole here.

My son is settled. He has lots of friends locally through school and work and understandably doesn't want to relocate with me. I understand that, and I'm not expecting him to give up his social life and move somewhere he doesn't want to live. But I don't think his preference to stay here should automatically mean I have to stay here too.

There's another reason I feel quite strongly about doing this sooner rather than later. My parents are getting older. Realistically, I know there may come a point in the next 5–10 years when I'll have caring responsibilities for them. I want to make the most of the time I have now, while I'm still young enough, fit enough and able to sail, travel and explore.
If I put everything off for another five or ten years, I could easily find myself having spent my entire adult life looking after everybody else, only to reach a point where I'm too old or have too many responsibilities to do the things I've dreamed about since childhood.

It sometimes feels as though I've spent my entire adult life fulfilling responsibilities and putting other people's needs first. I don't want to reach retirement age having never actually lived the life I've spent decades dreaming about.
I don't want to spend my life waiting for the next family responsibility to finish before I'm allowed to start living.

I love my son and I'm not looking to abandon him. But he's an adult, he's earning a decent wage and I think it's reasonable to expect him to start building an independent life.

I've worked since I was 16, raised my child, dealt with losing my husband and kept everything going. I see this next chapter as my opportunity to have the gap year or two I've never had.

So AIBU to say that I'm moving ahead with my plans and that he needs to make alternative living arrangements, rather than continuing to put my life on hold because he hasn't bothered to save?
At what point do you stop organising your life around your adult children and start living it for yourself?
And more importantly, how do I actually get this message across to him? Do I set a firm deadline and stick to it, regardless of whether he's saved enough? What do I do if that deadline arrives and he still hasn't made any effort?

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable, whether I'm expecting too much or whether I just need to accept that it's time to put myself first.

I suppose that's why I'm asking the internet!

Hello - career teacher- needing somewhere to rant
I am sick of every child (almost to a fault) arguing that they shouldn't do what you have asked - this is from the tiniest thing to the biggest things
Also today I have been physically shoved which will lead to no more than a day of isolation for the 15 year old that did it
What has happened to young people? We are literally at the point where even if you are warning a student about something dangerous to themselves - they don't listen- instead their default is to argue back first

It's exhausting

Also, I am not a strict or savage teacher- our school does not have lots of stupid rules- this is a really strong societal drift into this constant state. And no, it hasn't always happened- there has been a massive change in the last 8 years

I am so bored of black trousers and a top for work and would love to feel a little bit trendier and more excited about what I wear. I am a teacher so on my feet most of the day. The temperature at work can vary wildly so layers are good. I often walk to work so heels are out. I would prefer not to wear black. I like the idea of wide leg trousers and tops, but also like wearing dresses and boots. Budget is more Sainsburys and Vinted than designer. Please send me some inspiration!

For background and content
Both me and Dh grew up in Abusive and neglectful homes. I spent Christmas growing up in a cold home without food nevermind gifts. While my mum got merry on drink and drug's.

Both me and dh have against the odds became successful in our own ways We are far from rich but definitely not struggling.

Anyway we have 3 dc that we love to spoil at Christmas especially but we spend far two much on presents for them. Last yrwe hit almost hit 3ish k

We decided that even though they aren't spoilt brats etc alot of gifts were still in boxes at Easter. Think lego unopened etc. So this year we asked them to write a list with a ballpark budget wise.

We are also going away right after Xmas to a lovely cottage in the Highlands.

They have plenty i know that but I have already started to buy extra for them

We wanted this year to be different but already ive failed in November.

btw I know how lucky we are. That is something I will never forget or take for granted.

I am really having trouble getting past an interaction I had with my manager last week. I've been on this team for about 8 months.

We were having a meeting and she said she had something she needed to talk to me about. Then she said she wanted to ask me to try to he more vulnerable at work.
I was a bit taken aback so I asked what she meant and long story short (she went on quite a monologue) she said she didn't feel I was sharing enough of what upset me and making that visible. I asked for an example and she mentioned a time when we had numerous unplanned/curveball tasks coming at us and I laughed about it and made a "flippant remark" (specifically I said "here it goes again"). Apparently this is an unnatural response and at the time she had to take an afternoon off due to the stress (I did remember this). Essentially the bottom line was I "make staff feel uncomfortable by not showing a normal range of emotions". She also mentioned that she had not seen me cry in all my time there.
I asked if anyone else complained and she wasn't specific. The only person there for that conversation was her!!
I asked what I needed to do and she said come back with a reflection.

What is a normal range of emotions?? Before this job I was under the impression "vulnerability at work" was supposed to mean owning up to your failures etc, not full on bawling every time something gets challenging.

I am quite bothered by this to me honest. Not sure what's expected of me. AIBU for thinking this is odd? I'm not new to the working world.

My eldest daughter (Year 5) is becoming really tricky to get into school some days, particularly Mondays.
She has a male teacher for the first time this year, who she seems to get on well with and speaks positively about.She had specifically asked to have him despite often generally being abit more fearful of males than females.He is popular with kids and parents and is fairly young and laid back, quite playful and enthusiastic in his approach.

A couple of times he has come out when we have had issues getting her in recently and has verbally managed to persuade DD to go in by giving an incentive etc which has worked well, but today despite him trying this and offering good solutions to her worries, she just would not go in, and went outside the office reception and sat down refusing to move.
He suggested out of earshot for me to go as maybe me being there was making her more reluctant, which i agree was probably true as maybe then she thinks she might be able to come home.

I walked off up the path and left him negotiating with her outside as he had advised, however then looked back and saw him fireman carrying her into the building.
Now I totally get it's a hard sitiation knowing how to get her in,and appreciate he has a class to teach, so can't stand outside negotiating with her for ages, and there is a possibility she was okay with him lifting her in and it was a fun game (although I would be surprised as she isn't really a tactile child with anyone other than me and sometimes her dad and sister) If someone had done that with my 5yo, unless she was kicking and screaming in upset, I probably wouldn't think much of it tbh, but with her being older on the cusp of puberty, him being male, and also her having ASD and not liking physical touch, it just feels like it might be quite humiliating for her and abit forceful and inappropriate, despite it being meant as a playful gesture to get her to go in.
We always try to teach her body autonomy, that nobody should touch her including hugs etc without her wanting them to, so i just worry that this is going against that, especially with him being an adult male.
She is quite a young 9.5, and fairly small for her age, so not sure he would have done it otherwise, but despite that she is still the age she is.

My plan is I will speak to her later and see if she was okay with it or not, and if not ask for a meeting with school, asking them to not do it again and discussing alternative methods to get her into school.

What are others thoughts on this practice? If anyone else has experienced something similar, or has any ideas of alternative ways to get her into school i would be grateful for your input!

My favourite household item. Is the blue Ikea bag. Laundry, toys, shopping etc.
Yes my life is that sad.

Going to a fabulous 40th birthday party in Malaga in December! Stunning venue, no expense spared.

I have no idea what to wear! There’s no dress code, but it will be a fabulous event, so anything goes!

I’m 48, 5ft 3 and a curvy size 10 - help!! I’d love a dress that makes me feel great, but don’t know where to start. Happy with bold colours and equally happy with black. Any idea? Have you seen anything with the wow factor?

thank you!! 🤩

Tonight’s edition - she’s wearing a magnificent cream/ ivory shirt. Does anyone know where it’s from?

I have some new neighbours who are moving into the house in stages. Where i live parking is limited - each house has space for 1 or 2 cars on the drive but that's it really - there's limited space on the road itself without blocking in other cars.

Twice now the new neighbours have parked their car or van that fully blocks my drive so I can't get my car out.

I've asked politely not to block my drive but each time they have responded angrily saying they have to park there for convenience. I explained they could have asked me first to park there out of courtesy, and I would have agreed, but just blocking my drive without asking was unacceptable. Even after me asking them the first time not to block my drive without asking, they did it again later. On both occasions when I spoke to them they responded in disprectful and hostile manner. They thought they had the right to block my drive since they were moving in..

I'd never dream of blocking anyone's driveway and just don't understand the mentality of these people.

A previous neighbour regularly had visitors who'd block my driveway and I had to go round and ask them to move their car which was usually met with annoyance.

AIBU to expect people not to block my driveway under any circumstance? Why do people think its ok to block someone's drive?

This has really upset me, I live alone with my young daughter and don't want to be having issues with the neighbours.

Thank you..

my eldest daughter has really annoyed me today 🙄

she has been having a go at me about how i raise the younger ones, apparently they need more routine and apparently im too soft with them??

she has got children herself so now she thinks shes some sort of parenting expert lol

i have raised my children and i know what im doing. im not saying im perfect because nobody is but they are fed, clothed, loved and looked after so what exactly is the problem??

what annoys me most is she seems to forget who was there when she had her first child. who was up with her, who helped her, who dropped everything when she needed somebody and who was there when she didnt know what she was doing 🤷‍♀️

i certainly wasnt standing over her criticising every little thing she did.

now shes got a few years of being a mum under her belt she thinks she can lecture me about my own household. she was happy enough to come running to me when she needed help but apparently everything i do is wrong now 🙄

ive told her if she doesnt like how i do things then she can stay at her own house. i dont go round telling her how to raise hers so why does she think she can tell me how to raise mine??

at the end of the day im still their mum and i know my own children better than anybody else does.

AIBU to think your grown children shouldnt constantly criticise your parenting??

or am i just expected to sit there and take it because shes my daughter??

My ds15 has autism, adhd and a learning disability hes in a sen school and lately keeps making up horrific things about trying to kill himself and self harming.

The thing is the ways hes saying hes doing things isn't true. The school do not believe him either as its just not possible the way hes describing. He also says cat scratches which i know is a cat scratch is him self harming himself.

Is this normal in asd teens? He keeps doing things like this and it comes out of nowhere. School have trained staff and said they do not believe for a second thats it true
He has a good life, good friends, hobbies etc were all baffled why he is lying.

Daughter wanted to invite a few friends to celebrate her 6th birthday last weekend. She gave us a few names so we invited them, one of the girl which she claims is her best friend, this child's mum confirmed that they would come. They did not show up nor had the courtesy to inform us that they were not able to come on the day. We were a bit shocked and dissappointed with such behaviour considering that our daughter sometimes talks about her day ie: playing with this child at school. But I am just here to rant how I feel and wondering if other mum had the same experience, considering that you do bump into each other since school days are Mondays to Fridays. It just rather awkward moving forward. 😥 Am i bring unreasonable to expect a Whatsapp message to inform that they were not coming?

So with everything in the news recently about Russell Brand and the awful sexual assaults he had perpetrated- and event in my own sexual history (from about 15 years ago - way predating my husband and I dating - in which a consensual encounter had turned sort of non consensual as the man had anal sex with me after I said no - it has played on my mind a little since but I never told a single soul until I bought it up with my husband last night as obviously with the cases in the news it has been triggering

He was absolutely horrified- not in a - poor you, are you ok, way but in a deeply angry, silent and furious way. He stopped eating his dinner and stared ahead at the tv silently. Made absolutely zero attempt to comfort me or be in any way reassuring and said he was too angry. He kept saying 'I dont know why you keep looking at me, what do you want me to say?' and eventually the tension got too much to bear and I just went to bed and we haven't spoken since

My head is reeling now - I dont know what i hoped to achieve in telling him but thought as the person supposedly closest to me i might be able to talk to him about it. Maybe that was mistaken and I should have kept it to myself or spoken to a friend.