And it’s lovely - I think anyway.

https://www.johnlewis.com/content/christmas-advert

Basically as the title reads. Im so tired of this now.
Started with Kevin the carrot toys really, I remember battling queues just to get one toy.
What has made me angry today is seeing Asda christmas shelves empty of all the Home Alone items and disney ornaments. Just wanted 1 item and people buying ten of each. Checked vinted and yes I was right. A 4 quid decoration double the price.
Its really unfair for those of us who just want one thing and to find people bulk buying them.
Grrrrr. Im just miffed.

I have lived abroad for half my adult life now and although I come back to the UK regularly, when I am there I have an odd feeling of a place that feels familiar but unfamiliar at the same time.
I would really like to explore these feelings by finding a book that relects my situation.
I also have a sort of anticipatory homesickness for a time that is about to be lost before it has actually been lost, if that makes sense, as a lot of my elderly relatives and family friends are now dying and I have missed out on a lot of meet ups between family and friends.
It's also not just the people that are disappearing but some of the places too. Every time I go back there is some new development being built, or some old place that has been demolished or renovated.
I notice how much the people around where I grew up in the UK have changed too - it's relatively close to London and an airport so whereas there used to be a majority of people with British heritage there is now a large mix of people from overseas. Please note - I make no judgement on this! It's simply an observation. I too am an immigrant to another European country.
Although I love my new home, more and more I find I am unable to fully settle in my new country, as I am not fully integrated here, but also I no longer feel fully at home in my home country.
I suppose it's just homesickness in the end, but there are quite a few different feelings within the homesickness.
Any recommendations?

Twas the night before the US Midterms...

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendation are, here is the newest campaign blurb
https://beready.campaign.gov.uk/

Not going to do a status report this time, mainly because it's all about What Trump Does Next right now.

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5591677-crisis-what-crisis-the-one-you-start-to-wish-youd-stockpiled-like-your-crazy-friend-continuation-thread-3?page=1

DPup is 9 months old and, apart from going through a teenage phase when it comes to recall, is generally a delight. As he’s 9mo old, he’s a heatwave puppy - we got him just before the Easter holidays and so had very little experience of rain until recently and now it’s dark and cold as well and I am feeling slightly thrown. On yesterday morning’s walk, I had cold fingers but I’m not sure my usual leather gloves are quite what I want to be wearing. I have some waterproof trail shoes which have been great until now but they are just trainers so no use if I’m in long, wet grass or in mud or puddles. I have only just realised you can wash dog harnesses.
So what are your practical tips for having a dog in the winter?

My sister lives in canada with her DH and DD.
I have just bought my first home in the UK.
My parents live in a different european country.
We are all basically scattered and always have been.
My sister is fuming with me bevause she is going home with her family to my parents house for Christmas and because I have just bought my first home, I have decided to stay here and do Christmas with my DP instead.
The reason she is upset is because she feels that she has spent thousands on coming back home for Christmas and I cant even "be bothered" to get on a two hour flight. I understand what shes saying. She also begrudges the fact that I have only been out to see her once in the years shes been out there, but the truth is I'm skint - she knows this. I can't even afford a two week summer holiday in Europe, let alone buying a ticket to Canada.
The other thing is that my mum always said that the first home I buy, we would do Christmas at mine, because it would be nice for me and because shes sick of convoluted Christmas logistics and hosting. So the plan was we would do Christmas at mine, except my sister wanted to "go home for Christmas".
That was fine, I accepted that with good grace.
The other small (but irritating to me) detail is that when they go home, they take my mums only spare room (my sis and her family), which means that me, my DB and whoever else is there has to sleep on couches or get an Airbnb etc.

Anyway, I tried tk send her a heartfelt message explaining my position and she just said "No. I'm done, [my name]."

Im really upset and I want to know honestly: am I in the wrong here?

DS19, long history. Has ADHD and ODD and has been struggling with anxiety / mental health. Is a pain to live with, frankly. Does the bare minimum to help, never cooks a meal etc. Pays board occasionally but only after repeated nagging and generally much less than the agreed amounts. Today he has been paid, says he can’t afford to pay any board but has been out and purchased wagyu steak for himself!

Has been struggling with gambling for 18 months now and refuses help. Has recently self excluded from casinos and websites but refuses GA.

He stole money from us last week, nearly £300. He is not remorseful and is actually quite defiantly objecting that it was just borrowing as he always intended to pay it back on payday.

His credit score is shot, he is self employed and has no desire to go and rent a room elsewhere. No girlfriend. We are getting to the end of our tether but I can’t face the thought of throwing him out when he is really still so young and has nowhere to go.

please help, I can’t see the wood for the trees anymore.

I'm travelling to a wedding on Friday. I've been hiding my head in the sand about it for various reasons and had decided to wear something I wore to a wedding last year. However, DH thinks the jacket looks cheap and I think I agree with him. Also the shoes are suede and it's likely to rain on the day of the wedding.

So I decided to wear a dark blue dress and boots I have already and buy a coat to go over.

I ordered 3 and the only one I like is too short. DH likes all three.

Shoes are really difficult for me as I'm awaiting foot surgery so I'm stuck with what I have.

I'm attaching pictures of the teal maxi dress and jacket I wore last year and the new coat with the hem of the blue dress showing.

The links are to the other two new coats. I also have a maxi black Superdry puffer like the one in the screenshot but with a detachable fir collar. This is longer than the blue dress but DH says it's not weddingy.

Wedding is in a London town hall in the morning. Bride is fine with me wearing black.

Please be gentle with me. I don't feel good about any of it.

Buy Burgundy Red Detachable Fur Collar Double Breasted Maxi Formal Revere Coat from the Next UK online shop share.google/SnbLLXyZd4ULSBSV2

Buy Joe Browns Black Boutique Printed Velvet Coat from the Next UK online shop share.google/bcFKhowlkMtJVeLdQ

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

Hi all, I’d like to switch my son’s childminder in the coming weeks. We have been using the 30 free hours for working parents with the current childminder.
we have a 2 week notice period with the current childminder and will look to start with the new one straight after. Is it possible to transfer the funding over now or is it only at the start of a term? What are the terms for these purposes?
I saw online that different local authorities have different rules on this. My old and new childminder are in different local authority areas. Do I have to check what the rules are for my current childminder’s local authority?
Any guidance / advice from past experiences will be super helpful.

My DD’s state primary school has a “top maths club” and “great writers club” for the top performing students in yr 5 and 6 held outside of school hours. There is no charge for this - so it’s free childcare and free tutoring. You have to be invited. This has been running since the second week of the school year and is restarting on the first day of this half term.

By contrast, my dyslexic DD is in a group for those needing more support in writing, also outside of school hours. But they only managed 2 sessions last year and it hasn’t started back up this year. She gets ad hoc in school support; where it happens she misses other lessons that aren’t then caught up on, putting her further behind in the those.

I appreciate these children deserve challenging, but surely that could be done in class with different work and the teacher’s out of hours time, if available, used to help those struggling?

Is this even allowed in a state primary?

every time I have plans with friend B and I make the booking - which is not that often - there is always something that inevitably needs changing for the booking due to B changing plans. I have booked restaurants in the past, that B has agreed we will go - most of these are our usual places - then B changes the plans so I have to unbook. We are due to see each other this Friday, I have booked a place that we agreed on .. B is now needing to change the plans and I have to undo the booking AGAIN. This seems to always happen when I make the booking. I never have a need to change plans and therefore the booking, when she has placed the booking. I am getting a bit fed up with it tbh.

AIBU ?

I want to say to B ''it seems that every time I make the booking you have a need to change the plans and I have to unbook/change the booking''. I wouldn't say that as I find it too confrontational

My sister has unfortunately flooded her house by leaving a tap when filling the bath. It’s damaged flooring up and down, the ceiling and some furniture. She has now told me that she isn’t insured and can’t afford to pay for everything so has asked for money from us.

We don’t lend money due to previously not getting it back when we have lent it to others. We have given her money a few times before when she had a problem, the last time was about 5 years ago. Her children were still living with her then so I felt more need to help.

We aren’t particularly close but keep in touch. I’ve said we can’t help her this time but she has told our father and he has now asked us to help her. We told him we are not helping her again but he keeps bringing it up. He isn’t in a position to help her through his own incompetence with money. I’ve said she will have to get a loan or put it on a credit card. She works part time and says she can’t work more due to her health and paid off her mortgage a few years ago so can live ok until a big bill like this comes in. AIBU to not lend her money?

Please help me understand why would you unpack food delivered to your house into bags?

I obviously understand if you would struggle to lift the heavy trays that putting it into bags is better.

but my friend was over when I had my shopping delivered and she couldn’t understand why I carry the trays into my kitchen and not unpack into bags.

as I am physically able to carry the trays, how is it easier to unload into bags then unload again into kitchen ??

Well it's here....

https://www.johnlewis.com/content/christmas-advert

And I hate those bratty kids already LOL 😂😂😂

Other than the elusive Needoh, my DS really wants Pokemon cards for Christmas but I can't find them anywhere and a lot of online retailers seemed to have bumped the price up somewhat.

I have tried requesting to purchase through Amazon many times and never get selected, despite my Amazon account being over 25 years old! Not sure how you get approved for that.

Anybody got any good sources?

After being tested to see if I'd be able to donate platelets, I was contacted and told you book a gp appointment to have my bloods tested as it was showing low platelets. After blood testing my doctor has prescribed Ferrous Sulphate 200mg once a day as my iron stores are depleted.

I started taking them today and within 2 hours of taking I felt very dizzy/light headed. No other symptoms and other than low iron I'm generally well. I do get headaches but now in hindsight perhaps that was due to the low iron, but dizziness isn't usually in my day o day.

Has anyone else had dizziness following taking ferrous sulphate or is this likely to just be in response to the low iron and a coincidence that it's after I took the medication?

Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush……..

When DD (now 18) was at primary school she had a friend called Chloe.

DD was saying how Chloe was one of the nicest friends she has ever had. Kind and considerate. I agree she was a lovely little girl and her mum was lovely too.

However, she left when she was around 7/8 because her family were part of the Plymouth Brethren and so she was sent to a local school ran by the religion.

I have often wondered about this religion and those involved as it had some seemingly out of date rules and regulations. Chloe was never allowed to eat in front of any of her classmates if she did need to eat she would either go home ( her house was a few doors down from the school) or would have to be hidden behind a screen (according to dd).

Her mum was really lovely, always had time to talk, very friendly and polite as were all of Chloe’s siblings. I think the mum was a little more rebellious than the other brethren mum’s because although pleasant they never spoke to any of the other parents. All the women had long hair and would wear little head scarves, they were never in trousers, always wore skirts although Chloe’s mum wore leggings with a little skirt over the top.

Chloe would tell my dd they had no tv or computers and sang around a piano every evening. I did a little bit of research and not sure if it’s true but according to things I’ve read online they aren’t allowed to have any bad influences from the ‘outside world’ such as tv, radio or the internet. All those in our area appear to live only in detached houses (read they must not be attached to non brethren’s?) and the marriages are mostly arranged. This would not surprise me, the mum was stunningly beautiful and if you saw the dad you would absolutely not have paired those two together let alone having five children together!

Although the family moved away from our village some years ago they still live nearby and occasionally I see the mum, she always remembers me and will chat a little. From my experience they are all very polite and appear such lovely people.

But they do seem such an reclusive group of people and although they come across as so very friendly and happy as a group I wonder if there is another side to it all? I’m not sure any of the women are allowed to work outside of family business but maybe I’m wrong. Are they allowed much independence and are all the marriages arranged?

Does anyone know much about this religion?

I’ve honestly had enough now. I’m not cut out for this, I’m just not.

I’ve got two boys, DS1 has just turned 4 and DS2 is 23 months. DS1 has suspected autism, not diagnosed yet because apparently everything takes about 400 years, but we’ve been told there are definitely developmental concerns. Getting dressed is a battle, leaving the house is a battle, coming back into the house is a battle, food is a battle, bedtime is a battle. There is no normal day here anymore.

He is aggressive aswell. He hits, kicks, throws things, screams, pulls hair, pushes. He regularly pulls his little brothers hair and shoves him over and then I’m the one having to get between them while DS2 is crying and DS1 is screaming because I’ve stopped him. I tell him leave him alone, I say it nicely, I say it not nicely, I move DS2, I move DS1, nothing makes any difference. DS2 has started copying him now aswell. He pushes things and shouts and has started doing this horrible little angry noise that DS1 does. I feel like I’m watching him turn into the same sort of child and I cannot cope with two of them doing it.

They share a room because we only have two bedrooms and bedtime is honestly a joke. DS1 won’t leave DS2 alone. He gets out of bed, goes over to him, pulls his hair or takes his blanket or whatever he can get hold of. Then DS2 starts crying, DS1 gets louder, I go in there, they both get more worked up and suddenly it’s half 10 and nobody is asleep. I dread bedtime. I actually start feeling sick when it gets to about 6 because I know what’s coming.

DS1 was at nursery but he wasn’t coping there at all. He was having problems with the other children and the staff were struggling with his behaviour. He was getting more and more upset and it just wasn’t working so he isn’t going anymore. He’s just here with me all day every day now. No break, no quiet, no chance to think. DP works full time and doesn’t really see what it’s like during the day. He comes home and DS is sometimes sitting eating or watching something and then apparently I’ve made it sound worse than it is. Yes because you’ve been here for twenty minutes and he’s currently eating a biscuit.

Today was awful from the minute we left the house. We went into town because I needed a few bits and thought it might be nice to get out for once. I took the double buggy, but DS1 refused to sit in it. Screaming, getting out, throwing himself backwards every time I tried to put him back in. In the end I let him walk because I couldn’t spend the whole afternoon wrestling a 4 year old into a buggy while DS2 sat there watching.

Then he ran off. He saw something and went and I was trying to get DS2 out of the way of people and by the time I looked up he was gone. I had to leave the bags and run after him. I was furious and terrified at the same time, which is a horrible combination because you’re trying to catch your child while also wanting to scream at them. I can’t take my own children into town for half an hour without it turning into an emergency. What am I supposed to do, stay in the house until they’re teenagers?

Then he wanted food from one of the shops and when I said no he started screaming again. Honestly the only time he seems properly happy is when he’s eating. He can be miserable and shouting for hours and then you give him something and suddenly he’s fine, sitting there like nothing happened while I’m shaking and trying not to cry. I know people will say sensory issues and regulation and all the rest of it, but I’m telling you what it is like to live with. We came home early and the whole afternoon was a complete waste of time.

I cried when we got home. DP asked what was wrong and I said I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want every day to be like this. I don’t want to spend my life dealing with screaming and hitting and trying to stop one child hurting the other. I don’t enjoy taking DS1 anywhere. I don’t enjoy playing with him. I don’t look forward to him waking up. I feel horrible writing that but it’s true. Sometimes I just want him to go away and leave me alone for five minutes, which obviously makes me feel like the worst person alive.

The thing I feel worst about is I wouldn’t have had another baby if I’d known DS1 was going to be like this. I love DS2, obviously I do, but I feel like I’ve brought him into a family where he can’t even have a normal childhood because everything revolves around DS1. He can’t play in his own room without DS1 going over and grabbing him. He can’t sit with a toy without it being taken. I feel like I’ve made a massive mistake having two children when I can barely manage one. I thought it would get easier as DS got older but it hasn’t. If anything it’s got worse and now there’s another child being dragged into it.

DP says I’m being horrible and DS can’t help it, which I KNOW. I’m not stupid. I know he isn’t waking up thinking how can I ruin mums day today but it feels like it and knowing why he does it doesn’t make it less exhausting when you’re the one dealing with it from 7am until bedtime. I’m the one who can’t go to the toilet without something happening. I’m the one who can’t get them both dressed without somebody screaming. I’m the one who has to watch DS2 every second because DS1 might suddenly pull him over. DP gets to go to work and have adults around him and eat his lunch without somebody throwing a cup.

I’ve been looking into autism assessments and support but everything takes forever. You get told to wait, then wait for another appointment, then somebody says they’ll call you and they don’t. People say ask for help but what help exactly? We don’t have family who can just come and take them for the day. I can’t afford private anything. DP says I need to be more patient but I genuinely don’t know where I’m supposed to find more patience from. I’ve used it all. It’s gone.

I feel like a terrible mother saying this but I am done. Today has tipped me over the edge and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and do the exact same thing again. I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I’m just the person who stops people hitting each other and cleans up food and says no all day. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I want one day where nobody is screaming, nobody is pulling anyone’s hair and I can actually enjoy being a mum instead of just surviving it. Is that really too much to ask?

What doll furniture can I get for dd for Christmas for her reborn baby?

She has asked for a ‘nursery set’ (the Smyths one but it’s tiny for her and the doll!) and a ‘real’ baby pram as doll ones are too small.

The other issue is we have very little space as we have a small house so it would need to go in the corner of the lounge- whatever it is!

Any suggestions please?

Looking for pillow recommendations, not too expensive under £50 for two preferably.

I like thick and cool feeling pillows, fairly soft as I find firm pillows hurt my head and neck and I find them uncomfortable to sleep on.

any recommendations please? x

DH and I are looking to downsize.
We have seen the perfect cottage, not far from our DDs family (handy for childcare as it's currently taking us 40 mins each way).
We rang up to view it and the estate agent refused to let us as she said "An offer has been made and I'm sure it will be accepted".
DH and I wouldn't be making an offer, we would happily pay full asking price. Also we are lucky to have enough in savings to purchase, without selling our own home first although we obviously would at some point.
I feel for the vendors as much as ourselves, would it be unreasonable to push a note through their letterbox informing them what's going on?
It's been two weeks since the estate agent last rebuffed us and the house is still on the market.

I've just had a seminar for parents of DC in years 7/8/9 to explain how the school is using AI (Gemini and Gemini notebook is being given to DC). They are being encouraged to upload all their online textbook chapters, slide presentations etc to create study materials. They are also allowed to brainstorm ideas but not actually write the paragraphs/essays. They can ask AI to mark and give feedback.

I'm in Australia so currently 50% of the High School Certificate is assessments throughout the year and 50% end of year exam. The education department has made changes so that only one assignment of not more than 15% can be completed out of the classroom but I am thinking this will change in in the future.

Mind blown tbh. I'm just wondering about in the future - what will become the important skills for students in order to get the good grades?

I think being proficient at general grammar, sentence and paragraph construction will decline if DC are using AI to write and edit everything (which I think they will slip into doing)

Long story short we have been married 5 years and have two little children. DH gave me the script at the start of the year, I felt him pulling away and he rewrote our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but we carried on for months until one Monday he announced he was leaving me. He disappeared that weekend and phone was off.

The Sunday morning he arrived at our home begging to come home. I carried on as normal for the kids sake and we spoke that evening, he told me he had gone out drinking with a mate and regretted leaving us. So months go by and I repeatedly ask him the truth as my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. He stayed on his best behaviour and was adamant his story was the truth until tonight.

A really good job opportunity came up near to where he claimed he went drinking that night. The whole thing was brought up again and he finally confessed that he had met OW at Christmas work do in December, we’re texting on and off until he finally met her on a date in may , the weekend he disappeared. He claims he felt guilt, left her after the date and stayed at a hotel by himself as he’d been drinking. Then came home to us the next morning. He had actually traveled 2 hours to meet her. I just can’t quite believe it. He has mad at me for digging and saying are you happy now? He’s not acted remorseful at all. I just don’t know what my next steps are. I know that no one is perfect, we all mess up but he made me think I was crazy for months. Any advice?