Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

My cousin is getting married next month. The wedding invitation specified no white or purple, as these are the bridal party colours. I'd have never have worn white as a matter of course, but was grateful for the heads-up on the purple, as no one wants to look like they're trying to make themselves into a bridesmaid by stealth!

Anyway, I had narrowed it down to a couple of dresses and I think this is the one. However, I showed it to my mother and she made a bit of a face and said, "Ohhh... it's pink though." I was baffled and said I could see perfectly well it was pink, and what was her point. She said, "They said no purple. What if it's a pinky purple?"

I think she's nuts 😄I've already avoided blues in case it was a bluish purple, but I don't think this could be seen as anywhere near purple. Plus, every bridesmaid dress I've ever seen has been a block colour, not a print. Surely this isn't a risky choice?

last year I had to drop my hours at work so DP offered to pay my CC bill of £200 each month to help out. Normally we pay 50/50 on all bills but this extra help was appreciated. During the same period DP also spend £130 a month on takeaways plus more on eating out and socialising. He also signed up to a few holidays with mates. Fast forward to now and he is £2k overdrawn and he is solely blaming this on the extra money he paid me every month to help out with my credit card. He doesnt think his own spending is to blame at all. He also said the holidays were paid for by ISA interest so weren’t a problem either. I feel hurt that I’m essentially getting the blame for his money issues. Or is he right? This help was for 10 months so £2k which is the same as the overdraft amount

Trying to cover all bases.

I’m not talking the “oh yeah I whack a teabag in my baggage”, i’m talking the type of stuff most people would never dream of taking.

Recently made redundant. There are a few women's walking groups near me and I would love to go out on a day walk. (I wouldn't want go out walking in the countryside alone which is a whole other topic). But what do people do about needing a wee? Is it fine in those groups to dodge behind a tree? I would do this if out with my dh/friends. Writing it down now it seems silly.. this must be what everyone does, I guess?

Aibu for ending things with my boyfriend after he ignored me saying no, twice, and then blocking him when he wouldn't leave me alone after the breakup?

Some context: I'm a single mum, going through a divorce that's now finalised. I started seeing the guy about 10 months ago, long distance-ish, he's a seasonal worker with a visa that runs out in a couple of years, so there was always an end date built in.

Early on things were genuinely good, he was warm and thoughtful and helped me out where I needed it. But recently whenever I am struggling, I get platitudes instead of him actually showing up. If I raise a problem, he gets defensive rather than hear it. Work is immovable, can never take an hour early off or even 5 minutes to say hi if I was close by.

The bigger issue: twice now, he continued kissing/undressing me after I said no and said stop, the second time only stopping when I said it again and reminded him I had said no. There'd been an earlier incident where I'd already told him "no" needs to be respected the first time he hears it. After the most recent one he did apologise, sent a long voice note calling it a "red flag" and promising it wouldn't happen again.

I eventually ended it. I laid out clearly the whys, the pattern of absence, the lack of acknowledgment when I raised issues, and the repeated boundary crossing. He responded with defensiveness, asking why my behaviour had changed and made out like I was hiding something (I'm not). Eventually he had a go about doing it over message. I finally said that I did that because he couldn't make time to see me and talk about repairing stuff between us and I'd realised I couldn't carry on like this and I'd be blocking him (WhatsApp). I wished him the best.

Since then he's tried Instagram DMs, sent me money with lunch invitations as the reference (twice, after my bank bounced it back the first time), texted twice and called twice in one evening, the last message asking to meet "even if just to say goodbye" and saying he missed me.

I blocked the number on my phone so he can't text or call anymore.

AIBU for ending it over the boundary thing rather than "working on it," and for eventually going full no-contact when he wouldn't stop reaching out after I was clear it was over?

Looking for advice from the fashion people on here, I bought these trousers from Reiss , what do you think?

I am 57 and 5’2 and they come in petite

DH and I keep having circular arguments and it’s driving me crazy. I need to know whether I need therapy at this point because I’m hitting my head against a brick wall.

I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety much of my adult life (I was SA by my brother’s friend when I was 17) and have always been a bit “low”, needed antidepressants and lots of therapy. DP takes this as a personal failing and says he stopped being depressed when he met me, and if I’m still depressed he must not be enough for me. This is a recurring argument and I feel like I just hide how I’m feeling because I can’t be bothered explaining to him again that yes, I love him, and yes, I’m still suffering with my emotions.

We’ll argue about the same things again and again. One being that I like to spend quality time together (NOT just watching a series). Doesn’t have to be every day. His schedule means this rarely happens. He has a hobby he does near enough every week day from 6-10ish. So I eat alone and do my evenings alone. By the time he comes back he’s exhausted and goes to sleep. Then repeat.

At the weekends he has his nephews here (as his sister works shifts and is struggling with her living situation), so not time at weekends together either. Nephews are 5 and 7.

Yesterday we had one precious day off together and he said he wanted to “chill”. He played on games for 7 hours and it left me feeling a bit deflated. When he clocked this, he tried to initiate sex 🙄

I (once again) said that it feels like he doesn’t have a lot of desire to spend time with me. He said that wasn’t his “intention” and he’s “the bad guy again”

This intention/bad guy thing seriously confuses me. He says it’s constantly. I try my very best to be level headed and say how I feel, not what he’s done, and it ends up “that’s not what I meant”. It feels like a checkmate moment and I rarely know what to say to him in reply.

One time he said I was “a baby that needed holding 24/7” - I said that made me feel like a burden - “that’s not my intention”

Another time he told me that I spent too much time with my family - I said that made me feel like I was not doing enough for him - “that’s not my intention”

When I do say something, he’ll say “well why not just ask for time together?” / “why not tell me to get off the game?” / “why not tell me I need to do more around the house”

It’s exhausting. It feels like I’m constantly moving toward him, trying to be near him, but the way I do it is wrong, or he says I need to taken initiative and ask for date nights or ask for “attention”

I broke down last night and was googling controlling and abusive behaviors and I fear that by talking about my emotions, I’m being manipulative?

He told me last night he only says sorry to me because he can’t be bothered discussing the issue. He said “feelings are just things, get over it”

I told him I’d go back to therapy and apologised.

Am I the problem here? Should I be less demanding?

I want to get a 2nd ear piercing, this time with a needle.
When I had my 1st ones done 21yrs ago I had them done in a jewellers shop with a gun and it really really hurt and took ages to heal.
I want it to be a better experience this time.

Well, my story is pretty scandalous. I’m from Indian heritage … a cousin I had not seen for years invited by my family to my wedding - she wore her bloody wedding outfit her glam reception - red outfit - all her freaking jewellery I mean Wtaf and I’m still not over it and it’s been 17 years

DMIL has come to visit. Had a falling out last year as we were apparently not inviting her over enough.

Has 4 sons, all unmarried but DH, all tow the line, including DH although he's getting better.

With the fallout, I stood my ground and talked back at her, something she's never had from her sons.
She cried and made out I was attacking her.
DH was caught in between but it blew over as she then pretended nothing had ever happened.

I used to include her, make a fuss, cook elaborate meals, give her our bigger bedroom when she came to stay, take her out every day etc until we moved and needed time to settle.

This is when she kicked off about not being invited even though DH would still go and visit her.

Now she's here, it's been tense. When she arrived, she made a beeline for our bedroom and I had to break it to her that she's actually in the spare room.

This morning, she went to the shops with DH before I saw her, they got back when I was making breakfast in the kitchen. She walked past without a good morning. She'd seen me but I hadn't initially as I was grabbing something from the fridge.

I then shouted morning and she came back, mumbled good morning and went to her room.

Breakfast was a little tense but ok as didn't want to spoil it for DH.

We were all meant to go for a walk after but I stayed back as couldn't be asked.

She's taken it as a slight of course and rest of the day will be a pain. I took AL for this!

She goes back on Thursday.

Will I be unreasonable to opt out of rest of outings and never invite her again?
Obviously DH would still want to invite her as his house too but maybe work late whenever she does visit.

So done with the drama.

Posting for traffic!

I’ve been swimming twice this week and yesterday started to develop ear pain. Assumed it was irritation from the water/ear wax. It was worse today and could barely hear out of affected ear, so I saw pharmacist who checked it over and said no signs of infection. He gave me sodium bicarbonate drops and I have put them in, also trying warm compress and OTC pain relief. The pain is absolutely crippling - I’ve got a really high tolerance for pain and I’m in tears.

To add another layer, tomorrow is our adoption panel after 4 years of infertility, loss, surgeries, etc and I really needed to be at my best, not half deaf and in agony!!

Any tips at all for ear pain/impacted ear wax to relieve this overnight? I’ll try anything, however out there!

Can anyone recommend good boutiques between Birmingham and Manchester for mother of bride outfits? I’m not wanting to spend £600 plus so I think the specialised MOB shops will be out of my price range. I also think a lot of their stuff seems to be aimed at gran of the bride from what I’ve seen. Will be checking out John Lewis etc but any ideas welcome 🤗

I keep my mother at arms length, she’s always been very selfish and lots of narcissistic traits.
shes just turned 81 and moans about her mobility but still manages to be out for lunch most days and get away on holiday.

my Dd is getting married in London next month and we have to drive from our location. She wanted to come to us ‘for a few days’ first but I put a stop to that as I would have to wait on her.

so ive told her to get the train to london from her location, which she’s not happy about even though we will meet her in off the train

now she’s complaining because I’m going to meet dd at her hotel in the morning, she asked if I would be going back and I said no I’d meet her at the venue (DP & rest of family will walk with her), she’s not happy as ‘there will be no one to help me with my fascinator’

honestly I know she’s going to spend the whole day playing the victim and expecting everything done for her, I would just like to enjoy my DDs wedding as MOB

Eugenie gave birth to a daughter on Monday. She was born in Lisbon, Portugal.

The baby’s name has not been revealed yet.

If anyone cares.

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f*ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

That I can pull off at 38!

I bought 3 dresses this year.

2 in store that caught my eye and i now love - from m&s and a department store. Both under £50.

I tried on many others that didnt work.

1 from online - almost £300 and it is just ok.

I have gradually cut down and down on online shopping because so much just disappoints on quality or simply doesnt suit me.

Anyone else upping their in person pu4chases?

Went to a&e tonight. I have a foreign object stuck in my ear. I did not know it was in there until someone looked last night before I left my house and said i should get it looked at. Wasn't able to go to a&e today as my son had his own medical appointment in another city that I have waited months for and we were in a hotel for last night. There was no way I was cancelling it for my own ailment.

The pain has got significantly worse. Have shooting pains into my jaw and cheek bone and my ear is making clicking noises. This is since about lunch time today. Went to a&e this evening and the triage nurse asked me how long it had been in my ear. I said I suspect a few weeks, but I thought I just had an earache and it went away after a while so thought it was gone. Got some new foam ear plugs last week (which obviously pushed the foreign body in further!) and am now suffering for it. I hadn't finished when she cut me off and said 'well I don't really understand why you have picked this evening to come to a&e' and told me I would be better off going to my GP. I am in some pain but ended up leaving because she just made me feel like I had done an awful thing by heading straight after my son's appointment. I spoke to 111 earlier in the day and they told me to go to a&e asap because I could risk my hearing and that whilst it isn't life threatening, it is both an accident and an emergency. I asked if I could wait until morning and they said no. This was the 111 dr not the triage staff. I have no idea if this is the correct advice.

AIBU to think I didn't do anything wrong? I told her a medical professional has looked at it (a friend of mine who is a dr of 30 years) and said it needs ent because of how far in it is and she actually rolled her eyes at me and said I should see an actual GP (I suspect by that she meant my own GP?) and that a&e were sending everyone to minor injuries and that cases like mine are the reason she now has a 6 hour waiting list.

Is this normal for a&e now? Is it so awful working there that being rude has just become the norm or do most people have a better bedside manner? I haven't been to a&e since I was a child and was really shocked by the way I was spoken to, after being advised to go there by 111 and a trusted friend who is a medical doctor (GP).

To add, she didn't look in my ear.

Would you have done anything different? Am I missing something?

https://www.meandem.com/cotton-sateen-one-shoulder-midi-dress-summer-purple

If you've bought this, have you dared to handwash it? Says dry clean only but is 98% cotton 2% elastane. (The lining is viscose which might shrink differently but I think this is confined to pockets )

I’m surprised to be the first to mention this, but what do people think about Jason Arday, the Cambridge professor accused of plagiarism, and the media row that is brewing around him?

For those that don’t know, three years ago Arday became – at 37 – the youngest-ever black professor at Cambridge. Arday claims to have been diagnosed with autism at an early age, and says he couldn’t speak until he was eleven, and apparently only learnt how to read and write at eighteen.

The appointment, made when BLM issues were very much in the news, was made despite allegations of plagiarism in Arday’s doctorate, which were dismissed by Cambridge as being beyond its purview, and because he had been cleared by the awarding institution, Liverpool John Moores.

Those allegations have resurfaced in the past few days, with examples that certainly seem fairly damning, including a misplaced s apostrophe in the title of part of his doctoral thesis (An exploration of peer-mentoring among student teachers’ to inform reflective practice within the context of action research). This blatant error seems to have originated in a phrase supposedly lifted from the thesis he allegedly plagiarised, although in that original case it formed part of a sentence in which it was grammatically correct.

My experience of dipping at random into the paper, which is available online, immediately showed a number of other very basic spelling and other mistakes, almost as if it had not been proofread at all.

In an abstract (the summary written by the author, which is placed right at the beginning of an academic paper) from a different 2018 Arday paper, the following three grammatical/spelling errors occur within a single paragraph of just 160 words (again, this can easily be found online):
This paper employs a Critical Race Theory (CRT) a storytelling method, which operates…
powerful ways in racism unfolds within in the Academy…
dismantle inequity in all its suboardinated forms…

There are now reports that Cambridge – which insists that Arday is the victim of a “vile campaign to undermine his credibility” – is, perhaps not surprisingly, facing a “staff revolt” over the issue. Arday himself complains of “dark arts” being used against him, and says that autism led him to rely heavily on mimicry to make sense of information.

On the web you can find reports of various claims made by Arday (though several universities seem to be scaling them down, now that the spotlight is upon them). And yes, I have copied some of these:

• To have finished his PhD in 2½ years while working full-time and living with a brain tumour.
• To have featured on a television show that ran over a decade before he was born.
• To have run thirty marathons in 35 days, despite having experienced an epileptic fit, a seizure and a leg fracture. He also says he has run 600 miles in six days, just fifty miles short of the world record (no evidence of these extraordinary feats appears to exist, nor have witnesses come forward to testify to them.
• To have raised over five million pounds for charity (when challenged in recent days over this, Arday said this was done in association with others, who he declined to name because, he said, he had signed non-disclosure agreements that stopped him from doing so).
• To have played football and snooker professionally (no indication is given as to how Arday might have communicated on a football pitch when mute, as he says he was until the age of eleven).
• To have had a stroke immediately after graduating, causing him to lose his memory of working on his PhD.
• To have two GCSEs, in PE and Textiles (no timeline is given for when he is supposed to have taken these exams, but both of them would presumably have involved some writing – a skill that he apparently only acquired at age 18).
• To sleep only two hours per night.

Try searching online..... even "The Guardian" has now decided he is not everything he claims to be. So what do people think, and what does it say about higher education nowadays???

YA daughter is 20 and at university.

She is autistic as am I. I would say the relationship hasn’t been good for about 5 years.
She was highly controlling of home life. What channel we could watch, and it steadily got worse as teenage years kicked in.

We tried to put in boundaries and basic rules and it just got really bad. Most of the really nasty stuff was directed towards me and not her Dad - he’s a quiet gentle giant.

She would call me a Karen, Terf, even a Tory (I voted labour) and any insult she could think of - I’ve been called mental, controlling, bitch and I’ve even been punched. She was failing at university socially (not academically) and no self care so GP recommended she move back home. It was vile.

Daily insults. No basic rules following. She literally used to say ‘what you looking at bitch? ‘ if I came downstairs in my own home. I’m a Headteacher in my day to day job. I hope I’m a good one and kind and empathetic. She would tell me I was stupid on a daily basis and to chill.

She would leave used sanitary towels left on the floor in the bathroom etc and she just treated us like an ATM. She went out late (3 am) and then phoned as she was on the street in city centre at night etc it wasn’t just what she said it me but how she said it and I kicked her out the following day and offered to book a hotel or something but that I couldn’t do it anymore - I had high blood pressure, panic attacks, and I was very ill. She agreed to leave and go to a friend but wouldn’t tell us which one. And this was a month ago. She said she is safe and won’t tell us where. She says at the moment we haven’t supported her and that we need to understand she wants space and if she wants money or a relationship she will phone. We did contact wellbeing and she had lied as she had said they were supporting her but the university had no record on her.

I lurch from loving her and missing her one minute to wanting to scream at her and hate her the next.

I’m having counselling but it’s not helping. She wanted a huge holiday and back in September we agreed and are due to go on a once in a lifetime safari next week. (She has a younger sister). She has emailed us to say she is 100% not coming as she needs to heal. I’m furious, sad, angry but I’m also glad she isn’t coming and I feel conflicted by that. She won’t talk to my lovely DH or respond to her sibling or grandmother etc DH says I need to focus on me and we need to focus on each other and our family. I’m so angry about the holiday we booked it for her mental health as it was the one she wanted. I feel so angry I’m such a shit mum and I failed to raise a nice person - it’s all on me isn’t it? I tried over the years to get support, diagnosis etc and no one really helped us as she was so clever and masked so heavily out of the home

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Hi all,
so to start.. I definitely now know I have a bad relationship with alcohol. I have been trying to stop for a while now and cannot seem to manage. I go a few days and then always drink. After, I feel bad the next day but by day three I’m drinking again. This is also in spite of me having a constant pain in my upper right abdomen. I am terrified about this and still cannot stop.

So, my husband works a lot over the summer. He is home at 7pm and has one day off a week. I am occupying our two primary school age boys. I have really been struggling with their behaviour. One has adhd and they love each other but bicker all the time. Absolutley constant. I am not working right now - although meant to be renovating. I would like to do something for myself soon though. We also have no family that can help us at all.

The point of the question.. my husband booked a holiday. He said he is knackered and needs one. He also drinks more than me. As the holiday approaches I feel quite broken. I would like to stay at home instead of going to try to stop drinking without the stress of daily life for a week. I plan of going to aa in the evenings and getting some productive things done like diy… as I am feeling very unproductive in life atm.. I always feel better when I feel productive. We are also kind of living in a nightmare as I haven’t had any time to get on with renovating the house.
My husband is annoyed at me for not coming. He says he feels alone and insignificant. He is definitely very tired and has been drinking too much too and working loads. However, after I told him I was not coming for definite and explaining why he said a few hours later “I think I’m dying”. I think he is referring to his health and being literal.

I honestly do not know what to think. Am I being a dick here?

Hello

Currently in the midst of divorce and buying my exH's share of our marital home which I have been living in (initially alone, and in the last year with my new boyfriend of 5 years).

The mortgage was paid off 15 years ago from an inheritance I received.

We have been advised that if my exH transfers his share of the house to me alone, we would not be liable to pay any Stamp Duty.

My boyfriend and I will then set up a Declaration of Trust (as we will both contribute to the mortgage payments; he will pay a larger percentage than me as he is the higher earner) to show our equal interest in the house, despite my name only being on the Title Deeds.

I am just looking for confirmation from anyone in the know that this is correct. Everything I have been told and heard says it is but my solicitor is asking me to be certain so I wonder if anyone knowledgeable in this area or with experience of this same situation can confirm it is right.

Thanks in advance!