It’s the bodyguards fault was a new revelation!
who’s fault will it be next?
answers on a postcard please…….

I’ve been consuming quite a lot of pregnancy content recently because obviously that’s where I’m at in my life (sarcasm). Anyway, I was listening to two women my age (33), both on their second children and one of them said, “if you’re not having children in your thirties, what are you doing?”

What am I doing?

Maybe I’m having brunch, drinking out of a champagne glass. Maybe I’m on Tinder. Maybe I’m going to start having an affair. The options are endless okay? Don’t limit yourself.

Let’s call a spade a fucking spade. Let’s not idealise this situation. There’s plenty of stuff I could be doing.

Maybe I’m in a sauna. Get in a sauna. Maybe I’m getting absolutely pissed out of my eyeballs on a Thursday night and calling Karaoke Box in Soho at 7pm to see if they’ve got space for me and my mate to sing the entirety of Hamilton the musical.

Maybe I’m having a wee on my own. Maybe I’m lifting weights at the gym without pissing my pants. Maybe I’m not opening a snack for someone with no fine motor skills. The possibilities really are endless.

AIBU to think we can stop acting as though having children is the only meaningful thing a woman can do in her thirties?

Not intending to brag. I discovered recently that a family member has given us £10,000 - not once, but twice. Once recently, once 6 months ago. But my DH apparently hasn't thought it important enough to tell me about it.

We're not so crazy rich that this wouldn't be a significant amount of money. The account it went into is a joint one, but I rarely look at it (maybe I will more in future!).

DH did say early this year that family member had suggested they might pay something towards the cost of something specific and I said I wouldn't have a principled objection, assuming he meant 1-2k. He never said any more, so I assumed nothing had come of it.

The second payment appears to be related to an inheritance from a family friend, probably left to our family member. I knew nothing about it at all.

We've been married 20 years and I don't get on with said family member. DH has previously promised not to share confidential things with them about our family that I don't know about. I'm not very happy that I've not been aware (though obviously happy to have the money).

YANBU - most people would tell their spouse.
YABU - it'd be reasonable for your spouse to keep this quiet.

My LO is just 2 years old. Has always been a high sleep need child. Currently needs 14 hours and when with me sleeps for two hours in the day and 12 at night. Has just started nursery where they only have nap time from 1-2pm. Their sleep policy states that they will not try and force a child to sleep or wake a sleeping child up and that they adhere to each child’s individual sleep needs…
My LO struggles to be awake for more than 6 hours, and usually naps at 11.30 for two hours.
Their nap time is 1pm so I knew we would have some troubles when she started but thought we could adjust and seeing as their policy says what it does I thought it would be OK they would put her down earlier. They won’t. I’ve spoken with them about it everyday this week and they have still put her down at 1pm. Due to daylight savings she has woken up at 5am everyday this week so was awake for 8 hours before they napped. Slept for 45mins each day which I thought was weird but you know. New setting and all. Then today I asked if they could try and put her down earlier again as the deprivation is catching up to her now and she’s very emotional and easily upset. Said they tried and said she wouldn’t so fair enough. Then said they got her to sleep at 1.30. I saw on the app she woke up at 2 again. Then find out today that they woke her up…
I get that they have ratios they need to keep and stuff and so a staff member with sleeping children when others are awake is an issue but it seems so cruel to wake a toddler up who clearly needs the sleep? I feel so guilty she has to go there as it is and now shes not getting what she needs it’s just heartbreaking.
has anyone else been through similar? Will she just adapt to this?

In John Lewis I was astonished to see tins of baked beans, soup, marmite and a lot more besides as tree baubles. Not only surprised but shocked at the price too. £15 a pop. I understand the novelty aspect but AIBU to think its taking decorations a bit far.
I hasten to add I thought their selection this year was poor.

I am at a total loss today.
11 year has old been diagnosed with autism after suffering what has been diagnosed as burnout. I am still digesting this as prior to her burnout symptoms, I had no concerns. Over the last year she has deteriorated; developed auditory sensitivity, separation anxiety, broken sleep, restricted eating, became challenging in school and lost all her friends due to not managing to keep up social demands. She’s now refusing school completely and I’ve had to take a pause from work to care for her full time. This weekend has been spent with her in her room, in the dark, screaming at me when I go in. She can’t tolerate clothes anymore and lives in her cousin’s old rugby top. I wish I was exaggerating when I say I feel I’m fallen into some movie where the child is possessed. There seems to be 0 help apart from CAMHS who aren’t actually doing anything apart from suggesting books I’ve read and also don’t help with the practicalities of day to day life. I can’t stay off work forever and I’m on my own with her (dad hasn’t been in the picture since she was 2) and I most definitely do not have a “village” as I keep reading about. I read all these ND accounts who talk about the strengths that come with parenting a child with SEN but I don’t find any joy at all. Any hope this gets better?

I think that I probably am but I’m surprised so many people are falling for it and can’t see when something is fake.

I appreciate AI is progressing scarily fast and images have become so very life-like in a very short space of time (it’s actually terrifying imo). However, so many people I know fall for it all the time. My sister and I adore acts and dogs and she is forever sending me FB clips of cats chasing a dog or such and it’s so obviously AI to me but she can’t see it. More worryingly my DH’s cousin has just been scammed out of £300k from a ‘woman’ he met online, I have no idea if she was for real or AI as he’s burying his head in the sand over it all and won’t talk but with AI becoming so very life-like people who were scamming others will be able to replace their images with AI ones and fools such as DH’s cousin will fall for it time and again.

I don’t know if this is allowed but I’ve added a Facebook clip of this supposed 75 year old health and fitness expert. It was sent to me by my 76 year old friend feeling bad about herself because she doesn’t have this kind of energy. Whilst I appreciate there are some very fit and energetic people 70 and beyond this does not look real to me, something is off. The woman just doesn’t seem 100% right to me but all the responses are people in awe of her (not to mention over 9 million views!). Are they seeing something I’m not? I’m certainly not going to click on the link incase it is some kind of scam but I’ve googled this woman and her fitness business doesn’t appear to exist.

AI is so sophisticated these days and getting so difficult to detect, I know but can you see when something is AI these days? Are you easily taken in by it?

Personally I wish it had never been invented, it’s bloody scary. I hate to think what my children’s future is with this and where it’s going.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1888910715428118

I posted this in general health as not sure where else it fits.

I have put on a lot of weight in the past couple of years. I am 43. I spent my whole adult life as a size 8. i made some (minimal) effort to keep fit in my 20s and 30s- this might have been a weekly spin class when the summer time was approaching but it wasnt a long term thing. I would have taken notions for walking at lunch sometimes to get my steps up or done park runs every once in a while. I've never been a sporty person so this always seemed a lot of effort. i never really had to try too hard or do anything extreme to maintain a good figure and was always really slim.

in recent years i have put on a couple of stone. I have gone up 2 dress sizes (i am now a size 12) some of this is down to wfh in my current job and i just cant seem to find time or motivation for fitness classes anymore (i have a very busy and stressful life at present, my dh has a chronic illness, my ex husband continues to behave abusively and we have been involved in prolonged litigation in the family court). all of this takes its toll and i have been taking anti depressants for the past year or two. I have been over eating sometimes when stressed which i know is very bad for me- sometimes i will just sit down at night and eat 2 or 3 or even 4 bits of toast/ biscuits and then i feel really guilty about it.

Sometimes I think I have something like PMDD as i have been very emotional and overwhelmed but I have gone to the doctor and they haven't been a lot of help other than prescribing anti depressants.

i suppose i am wondering has anyone experienced anything like this and have they been able to get their shape back? I desperately want to be slim again and feel like myself and also have the energy to exercise. no judgement please, i know that i am not helping myself by not exercising and over eating but as I say I am struggling to keep things together right now due to a highly stressful life. 3 children, professional job, difficult ex etc as explained above. Maybe this is a natural part of aging? Although all of my friends seem to be really slim, mind you a lot of them work out or go running to maintain this.

Also i realise that size 12 is a very normal size- its not so much the size that bothers me- its that i have a very small frame and a lot of my weight is around my tummy and arms. I just dont feel good about it and really would love to be slim again. none of my clothes fit and ofcourse i just buy size 12 clothes but i dont want this to keep continuing and be constantly gaining weight. I know i need to deal with it but just cant seem to be able to. I tried to do slimming world for a while, lost a stone, but then just put it back on again when couldn't maintain the cooking from scratch etc in current lifestyle.

This is an old Hobbs skirt. With pencil skirt and smarter workwear coming back, I kind of like it but I also wonder if this will become “what was I thinking” item… https://ebay.io/m/gfSofJ

I’ll be honest, I’m just feeling really alone and very sorry for myself tonight

In June, DH was diagnosed with stage IV cancer after months of steadily increasing pain. We have a three year old (then two) and a five year old. It’s fair to say I’d always been the ‘default’ parent like a lot of mums I suppose but as DHs pain levels increased I found I was doing more and more.

I am now a carer to DH as well as managing the (very extensive!) needs of two young children and I am absolutely exhausted and burnt out. I have lost my temper twice with the children today because they are so full on. I feel like all day they have just been shouting at me - instant mummy, mummy, mummy. Three year old has started a ‘game’ where she wants me to be her and she is me - this game involves saying ‘mummy you Sophie’ (name changed for privacy although I’m probably very identifiable anyway!) and I reply yes mummy I’m Sophie. That went on for two hours this morning and I was nearly sobbing by the end of it. In between that my five year old has a constant constant CONSTANT barrage of questions ‘who is that? Why is he there? Why’s his coat black? Why’s he got a dog? What’s the dogs name?’ Yes, I can and regularly do ask him to knock it off (obviously in slightly more eloquent language!) but he generally stops for all of thirty seconds and then starts again.

At home I’m on a neverending cycle of putting things away, cooking, keeping on top of the laundry, breaking up squabbles, putting dishes away, getting DH drinks and lunch, getting the children food and drinks, it’s relentless. The children just won’t leave DH alone, he’s in a lot of pain, so it’s generally easier to be out of the house with them but then they get no downtime and I’m aware this affects behaviour.

I know they are suffering too as is DH And I want to be so compassionate and understanding and I am deep down but it’s sometimes buried under this layer of exhaustion and irritation. They are constantly trying to climb on me, lean on me, grab hold of me; I find it so suffocating, especially combined with the endless questions and silliness. The simplest of requests are ignored, like please don’t throw cushions off the sofa onto the floor. I know it takes seconds to pick them up but it feels like they are just trying to be difficult which I know isn’t the case.

I am barely holding it together some days and this is one of them.

Is, of course, what my biology student DC would like for Christmas.

I'm struggling to find one that isn't £££ and part of a set with an actual skeleton! There's one on Amazon that pops up in every search but it's not in stock.

Anyone got any ideas? I'm sure this must exist but I'm struggling to find one.

Last night DH & I enjoyed a rare night out. As we were waiting in the queue for our taxi home two attractive girls who couldn't have been more than 18 got out of the taxi & headed across the road to a local nightclub. As they emerged from the taxi I couldnt believe it.I am not exagerating when I say one of the girls was wearing a skirt that was so tight & short her bum cleavage was totally visible. I find this offensive & can't believe a girl would leave the house dressed like this. I believe its nobody else's business how a girl wishes to present herself but I can't understand why anyone would agree with this particular look.

We were at an internationally renowned theatre in Warwickshire over the weekend where we experienced the following:

The patron sitting one seat away from me, was talking to his companion and in a loud voice started talking about a person he referred to as a ‘Jew boy’ and described how his feet were so small. He then wondered, out loud whether ‘they bind their feet like the Japanese.’ (Sic) He also pointed at people standing and said in a loud voice, ‘Look at them in the cheap seats.’ During the performance of the play, he started talking several times, so I asked him to ‘please stop talking as he was at the theatre not the bar.’ He stopped talking until the interval, although during the performance he kept pushing his left hand between the legs of his female companion, stroking up and down and otherwise groping her. (This was a couple in their 50s or 60s!)

During the interval, after my husband had left to collect our drinks, the man verbally attacked me. He and his companion continued to berate me and argue for several minutes because I had asked him to be quiet during the performance. He then said that they (he and his companion) had had to listen to me laughing like ‘ a stupid horse-woman’ and then they both started making braying noises while pointing at me.

i immediately picked up my coat and bag and left to find an usher. I told the usher who called the duty manager. I explained everything, by then I was in floods of tears. Her solution was to offer us different seats or tickets for another performance, which we accepted.

My AIBU is that the couple who attacked me remained in their seats and nothing was done about them, surely they should have been asked to leave? The theatre’s argument was that there were no independent witnesses! I was left feeling that I was the problem as it was me who left!

My lovely FIL has died and we're in the process of arranging the funeral. MIL has said no black - or red. She'd prefer us all in eg green, brown, purple, blue.

The DTDs (14) will need something new. Ideally that would work for other formal occasions. And my brain just isn't working.

Reiss do a nice range but only goes up to 13. Used to have the dress in this photo, which would have been ideal, but too small now.

Any ideas??

My DH met a woman years ago before he knew me, and they hooked up a few times. She was very keen on a relationship with him but he wasn’t keen so they ended up being friends and she married someone else.

She never really had a lot in common with my DH but they work in the same industry so they know a group of the same people. Over the years she has remained in touch with him in a low key way, always small messages, hellos etc. Nothing suggestive of anything other than friendship. But DH isn’t really interested and sometimes doesn’t respond for a long time, but it goes on and on. It has now been decades and this woman is still low key around. AIBU in thinking this is a bit odd? She still messages and tries to maintain relevance, asking about things he’s interested in, hobbies etc. Why bother? She has her own husband, children and life, my DH largely ignores her.

My partner and I are expecting a baby. We live in my small two-bed terraced house.

My partner's two kids (12 and 8, boy and girl) stay with us every other weekend, Friday to Monday, in the second bedroom, which they share, which is already an issue due to their ages and lack of space - it is also used as my home office the rest of the time.

We’ve been trying to move for 2 years but ongoing divorce complications have stopped this - we’ve been together over 3 years and the divorce is still ongoing with no end date in site.

Until the financials are settled we can not afford to move.

The second bedroom at some point will become the babies room. I’m aware people will have opinions on this, but there is physically no other option when it comes to the storage and things we will need for the baby, that room will have to be used for them.

The living room is not big enough for any sort of blow up or temp beds, and the dining room is open plan with the kitchen - which we intend to utilise as my new office and play space for baby. Further to this, with it being open plan it is near impossible to heat in winter.

The second bedroom is not big enough to have a double bed in, so we can’t even swap with ours as an option.

No other family are nearby, both sets of parents are over an hour drive away and paying for separate accommodation for three nights a fortnight isn't affordable either - we’re both self employed.

Our plan:

• Overnights continue for now with the kids in their usual room prior to the birth but with changes to the room setup while we prepare and get what baby needs.
• After the birth, we step down to Friday and Saturday nights, home on Sunday evening so they're rested for school and a small step towards the next adjustment.
• Overnights to pause once baby is 5 months old and we start moving them into the second room, they will resume as soon as we move (hopefully not long after this)
• Until then: Our Saturday and Sunday days, 9am to 7pm, plus continuing the other in-week contact my partner already has with them.

Their mum thinks we should find a way to keep all three nights, with airbeds or paid accommodation. We feel this is not realistic with a newborn and the space available.

And without giving too much context - most of the ongoing divorce complications are because their mum is fighting to keep the former family home (that she can only just afford at a big stretch) for the wellbeing and ongoing routine of her children as priority. A year before she had agreed to sell so everyone could move, my house was on sale and we had an offer in on a bigger home, which was all undone as she later changed her mind.

Finally - I know people will wonder why have you gotten pregnant when this is the situation, but with no end date or visible outcome to the divorce in site and me getting close to “that age” I didn’t want to wait and risk never being able to have a baby of my own. We expected to be trying for a while but have been extremely fortunate that it’s happened right away 🫶🏽

I would like people’s opinions on our plan, any other suggestions, similar situations or what they think should happen here, the last thing we want is to push the kids out but things are already a struggle with space, them sharing, their ages and genders.

Thank you

I feel like my feelings have changed towards them over the years. Yes I like to check out what women are wearing but everyone now seems to dress the same or have extremely curated expensive pieces that were given to them for free. So then it’s not organic and nothing exceptional is being created. It feels like everyone is just showing the most expensive pieces they own to tag the brands to gain popularity (yes I know this is how social media works). For micro influencers I always wonder how they can afford it all? Daily outfits of super expensive clothes, bags and shoes? Is it all on credit cards and loans?

Depressingly I have one or two friends around me that have expressed wanting to be influencers as people are interested in the lifestyle. Who wouldn’t want to go to beauty events, get free clothes and makeup?

I’ve started to explore style from socialites from the past, actresses, rummaging in vintage shops (even on Vinted), fashion magazines. It’s truly what I get my inspiration from these days.

So, do you all still follow influencers or are we moving past them now?

I need advice on a sofa bed please.

I’m looking for a sofa bed. My budget is £250 maximum. I want it to be comfortable as a sofa during the day for two people to sit on and I want to use it every night to sleep on so it needs to be comfortable to sleep on. I might be using it to sleep on for potentially 18 months or so, so it needs to be suitable for sleeping on every night and me not ending up with neckache, backache or any other joint problems. Obviously, this is a medium term solution and there are reasons why I am doing this without having to go into everything here.

Ideally, I’m looking for cream/beige or grey.

I have seen this online. Does anyone have any experience of sleeping on something like this? Will it be comfortable or too firm?

www.amazon.co.uk/Folding-Convertible-Sleeper-Chair-Pillow/dp/B0HFN95C1Z/ref=asc_df_B0GT5CYWLQ?mcid=53042c8c53283c4db60961d7280c5077&hvocijid=13686182767993384971-B0GT5CYWLQ-&hvexpln=74&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13686182767993384971&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046632&hvtargid=pla-2281435175938&gad_source=1&th=1

Anyone with experience of sleeping on a sofa bed, do you have any recommendations for something that would be suitable?

TIA

I have an olive complexion and need to brighten up. My current bronzer has glittery bits in and the ones I’ve tried so far look ‘muddy’

Wondering about Charlotte Tilbury as I rate Flawless Filter but very much open suggestions please?

Just that really. Lovely partner 2-yrs in. Post divorce and I have my own kids, and he doesn’t live with us, but we’re serious and making plans to be together in the long run. He’s very lovely and agrees to give me space to bring up my kids and then we’ll move together later.

I’ve been very open about my childhood and my (badly abusive) marriage. I’ve just started to question whether it’s ok there are some things I haven’t told him.

1. My abusive husband (who we never see and never will) had been married before me, and that created a whole trail of destruction with other kids (I didn’t even know about). I don’t like to think about this.
2. An old friend I was in love with for ~30 years. We were only together a bit and ultimately it didn’t work out, but it wasn’t like a normal relationship— it was ongoing like best friends. I don’t feel like that now, as I love my new partner, which is a big deal for me. I haven’t mentioned this as I fear it just sounds too huge and confusing.

Is this ok, or should I find a way to bring these things up? Would you want or expect to know things like this? Do you have things you keep back?

It’s more a question for people in their 40s or so when there’s lots of life behind you, as of course when I was young I’d share everything.

For years I have been happily using Elizabeth Arden's gold daily serum capsules. I've got pretty dry skin, so loved that they're oily and very hydrating. So, of course, they have now changed the formula entirely and without warning - argh. The new version smells slightly fishy, and doesn't work half as well.

Can anyone suggest a very hydrating serum that might be a good replacement? These are the offending capsules.

On a recent flight, my partner was three rows in front of me as we weren't too bothered about paying to sit together on a 2-hour flight. After we got on, he brought me a sandwich from his bag. The woman next to me realised we knew each other and offered to swap to his row to sit next to her relative. I thought, "Great," but he immediately said, "I'm very sorry, but I'm settled where I am." To be honest, I was taken aback, as he'd only been on the plane two minutes. He made some excuse about how he put his case in the overhead locker, but I said it didn't matter as he could still move. He glowered at me and gave me such a look I was fuming. He had no real reason not to move. Am I being unreasonable to be put out about this? It just struck me as a really weird thing to do.

I’m considering a recipe book for a reasonably capable home cook, but can’t be overly complicated else they’ll lose patience. .
Not too many ingredients or a steps in the recipe ( but more than the ‘things you can make with 5 ingredients in 5 minutes’ type of thing. )
More interesting than everyday classics such as chilli, lasagne etc
Not Indian, Chinese or Italian.
Ideally a book you would make lots of recipes from, rather than the book taking up space and you’ve only ever used once or twice

I was thinking Ottolenghi Simple but would like to have a look at some others.

I am in search of a new bed. My current one is a wooden one that has turned squeaky. I was in a nice hotel at the weekend and realised that a better bed would improve my quality of lige a thousand times.

However, looking for one has me questioning every decision I have previously made re beds and have myself in a muddle!

I've always had wooden slatted beds on legs with space under the bed. Should I be considering divans? What about headboards?

What I want is:
King size
Not squeaky
I like to sit up and read in bed
My 4 year old is a frequent visitor so can cope with that.

Any recommendations very welcome!

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?