Continuing the criticism…still interested, still not bored….

Looking for solidarity, really. Does anyone else of a similar age feel like this? Am 52, so perimenopausal. Increasingly feeling so fed up with the whole thing; feel like it is taking all the best bits of my body and mind.

Have been on HRT for about 4 years. Not sure how much good it’s doing; everything is a gradual slide, so perhaps without that things would be 10 X worse. Good points are that I drink plenty of water and exercise regularly (2 high- intensity exercise classes a week; 40-minute dog walk every day).

But, the list of issues I’m now dealing with seems endless. In my mid forties I was SO fit and slim – at that point I was doing 3 X boot camp sessions a week. A house move and Covid made it all much difficult, and I now have a chronic knee issue (cartilage worn away) which means exercise has to be modified round that. Now I am battling:

• Chin hairs sprouting randomly. Have a laser thing which has helped make them finer, but still they come. Some dark, some light. Constant battle.
• Smell. I shower or bath once a day, but feel like I sweat more and the smell is different. Groin constantly feels damp and unpleasant, no matter what I do. Is there some secret deodorant/shower gel I am missing out on?
• Bladder leakage. When I sneeze (often; lots of allergies) I leak. Also bladder urgency, forever being caught short on dog walks and having to do an emergency wee.
• Still having periods, so the worst of all worlds. Would love that to just end.
• Sleep is awful, especially if I have a drink. And yes, the answer is obviously not to have a drink, but really… life is so stressful sometimes and I am very sociable and am out a lot with friends (thank god, I do have good friends).
• Even without drinking I wake up at 3 am and lie awake for hours.
• Diet could be better. Partner has some restrictions which mean we’re limited with fibre. I know I could do better, but I am so tired it’s hard to make good decisions.
• Weight – I’ve gone from a 12 all over to a 14 on the top and a 16 on the bottom. Menopause gut. Nothing seems to shift it. Walk, exercise (increasingly difficult due to knee). I daren’t stop as then it will all just be worse. But it doesn’t seem to help. Keep thinking about WLI but don’t really want to unless essential. Am 5’7” and 12 stone 7.
• Weight gain means I HATE looking at my body and buying clothes now. Nothing fits properly. I have decent muscle tone but the meno belly is so depressing and puts me up a dress size.
• Life – full time job, mostly WFH. Also freelance work and a side job. All in a creative industry, so lucky really. But lack of sleep and general brain fog means I feel like death most of the day. Am making more mistakes and having to drag myself through. Can’t afford to not work or to cut hours.
• Recently diagnosed with high BP. On meds, which I am good at taking. Genetic element as my dad has it. But pretty demoralising given exercise/lifestyle levels.

Overall, I feel like I am surviving, not thriving. I read threads on here about people embracing mid-life and post-menopause, but it seems so far away. And will it ever get any better, or is this it, now? If anyone has any quick wins, solidarity, or advice, I’m all ears.

If you read this far – thank you! And thanks to everyone for this board, which I always enjoy reading. There’s always lots of funny advice. That at least cheers me up!

What does the best dressed mum at your school gate wear? And where in the country are you?

Posting in the spirit of curiosity and inspiration!

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I did feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot.

I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day.

Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!

Hello, I'm looking for some inspiration for a new autumn jacket/coat. Requirements are:

• Has to be fairly all-purpose, including travel to work, going out to pub etc, but also school run
• Has to be practical. I walk 2-3 miles a day on average. But I also want some style.
• Has to go with both black work trousers and jeans, ie not be black or blue
• Has to suit size 10, 5'4", small of nork
• Patterns and designs considered
• If it somehow conveyed "I used to be an indie kid in the 90s but now I need to look like a grown up" that would be amazing
• Budget up to £100

I haven't bought a new coat for years so I'm out of touch with what's available and I need some ideas. All suggestions for styles and/or brands to look at would be very welcome. Thank you!

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

What age did your children find out about Santa?

Just that really. Trying to work out how many more years I have left with my oldest!

Has anyone signed up to do Amazon flex driving, I’m currently on boarding but having second thoughts. I’m thinking about vehicle costs petrol and taking out additional insurance.

anyone?

Rivals I think for me, nostalgia AND how the other half live!

White Lotus, again, how the other half live!

I'm looking for a pair of simple black shoes for winter. Basically I want a ballet flat or court style shoe with a 3 to 5 cm heel. Doesn't have to be leather, but must be water resistant so not suede or material, round-ish toe and no strap. Prefer the heel to be reasonably substantial so no kitten heels.

TIA

Husband cheated on me with a work colleague nearly 2 years aho. He came clean after I found messages on his phone, and admitted everything in detail (they went out a handful of times and kissed).

He ended it with her and left the job. We had marriage counselling and he made a real effort to move on with me. Our relationship improved and has been loving.

But I still want to tell her husband. I still want him to see his wife as she is. I also want the husband to give my husband an earful and make him see the pain it caused.

I've clearly not moved on, despite really bonding with my husband and feeling more love for him than before.

I just feel like I was the only one in pain. Everyone else got away with it. Why do I still feel like this?

Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

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You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

This may be long but i’m honestly really struggling now, this has been going on for years and I’ve had enough. Don’t say to leave DH as it’s not that easy.

I’ve been with DH for about 14 years, I have a DS aged 20 and a SD aged 28, and a SS aged 16.

I get on pretty well with SD although she moved a few hours away at 16 and was living with a family member to be able to attend a really good college in that area, she still lives there and we see her a couple of times a year but she doesn't come here much, she's said she's sick of SS and has referred to him as DH’s “golden boy” and has said he lets him get away with anything to which DH shuts the conversation down.

Their mum passed away when SS was a young baby and I think DH has over compensated and maybe spoilt him but I can tell he's also now getting fed up even though hes sort of to blame for the way he is. But SS says we don't like him

When growing up I don’t really remember him ever being particularly difficult although there were times we let him get away with silliness and answering back for example but he wasn’t an awful child , although he and ds have never been close and when he was younger would destroy his lego builds and they’d argue at any opportunity they got, usually with ss being the cause although DS very much got the “you’re older you should know better” from DH.

Things really changed when he was about 12 with constantly lying and stealing things (anything he got his hands on) being disrespectful at school and at home etc, DH somewhat blamed the school as it was in a bad area and at 13 he got him into a private school and he boarded monday-friday initially, he seemed happy there but at home his behaviour was getting worse and worse.

He began to shoplift when he had no reason to! He likely would’ve got whatever he wanted if he had asked and he wasn’t short on pocket money either (at the time but it did eventually stop), he stole my underwear to the point we had to have a lock on our bedroom door and after that I felt uncomfortable being around him tbh but I still don’t know if it was a “me” thing as in targeting me or if he just wanted underwear iykwim. After that DH paid for a private therapist but it was pointless because he lied the majority of the time and he can be believable which is the scary thing. He was watching some really explicit porn which we had thought we’d blocked on the wifi so i still have no idea how he got around it.

He ended up boarding FT and only coming home during holidays and while the holidays were hell, it was much better which sounds horrible to say. His behaviour at school wasn’t great though and he was permanently suspended at 15 for being caught with weed and there was alcohol in his room, he didn’t care but found it funny. It was a struggle but he started Y11 at a state school which was hard to find as no one wanted him and it was so late he couldn’t do his options. He ended up failing his GCSEs and he didn’t turn up to half of them

DH says it’s pointless even trying to get him into college as he wouldn’t go so said he could work with him except he was messing about with equipment and not listening which was unsafe so now he’s at home 24/7, he has the whole loft conversion to himself so he has a HUGE room and en suite but he still acts hard done by. He despises DH as DH was the one who found the porn and some of it was gay porn and during an argument about the porn in general DH said it was disgusting ans SS has twisted his words that gay = disgusting when DH was just extremely shocked and he probably was disgusted by what he saw because of how explicit it was. He shuts down any conversation regarding sexuality when we brought it up incase that was a reason for his behaviour (as in being worried about it i don’t know) he said he’s not gay and it was just something to watch and gets defensive and accuses us of calling him the f slur (which he actually uses but no one has!)

He spends a lot of time in his room, he smokes cigarettes and vapes but has no money and we’ve hidden our cards etc from him, sometimes he can just appear during a conversation with DH and accuses us of talking about him or saying something totally random that takes us back a bit like for example a couple weeks or months ago we were having a normal conversation about dinner and he came downstairs and out of nowhere asked DH if he wished he (SS) had died instead of him mum and because DH didn’t answer straightaway (because he was shocked, it was the first thing he’d said to him all day) he took it as a yes. But the thing is he never talks about his mum

DS lives here but he spends a lot of time with his gf and i worry he will not come over either when he moves out just like SD doesn’t.

His gf already feels uncomfortable around SS and has said she thought he had taken pictures of her but when DH looked through his camera roll he hadn’t, but today they came over for sunday lunch and SS was downstairs trying to wind DS up but he wasn’t getting the attention and then his gf asked him to stop staring and he made out he wasn’t and that she had a problem with him but then about 15 minutes later he was properly staring blankly at her and DS witnessed it and told him to stop it he did but he then was doing it AGAIN (i was cooking so wasn’t watching him) DS told him to stop being a creep but he still denied it but got up and threw a fork at DS then stormed off to his room. DH was outside and came in to SS storming off but he still went to his room to take him his food when it was done which i don’t agree with

Im just so exhausted with it all and apart from this myself and DH are happy

What’s going with M & S women’s knitwear? Filtered my search on the website and there are no cotton jumpers or indeed wool. Cashmere and merino available but everything else is poly blends or supposedly wool rich with 6% wool! Menswear has a much greater range in natural fabrics. I loved the cotton cardigans they used to offer in a range of colours as I could buy smaller for a more fitted look but they have none at all. They also washed and tumble dried brilliantly without shrinking. (I know Mumsnet doesn’t usually approve of cardigans, but I love them).
Can anyone suggest affordable alternatives for jumpers and cardigans (up to around £50)?

Hi, I need to re vamp my wardrobe for autumn/winter and need some advice on how to incorporate a bit of 'edgy chic'. I'm early 40's, 5ft 2, size 14/16 and hour glass shape with big boobs and a bit of a mum tum. I have dark hair and olive skin, so tend to suit darker/autumn colours. I need a couple of staple bits, and some clothes I can also wear for work ( casual dress code). I already have some chunky boots and a grey leather jacket. I went shopping today in local town and it was totally uninspiring!

I’ve got an interview for the first time in 5 years. I know I’m terrible at interviewing I’m an introvert and my mind goes blank especially when coming up with examples. It’s sort of within local government for a mid level role. I’m good at my job and I’m capable at my job, I just really struggle to get that across. Give me 3 months to settle in and you would see I’m not quiet and hold my own (male dominated field!) they have emailed and said please let them know of any reasonable adjustments and I have asked for example style of question (thinking will I need to apply the STAR technique) and also if it would be possible to take some notes which would be just be my key achievements so I can quickly pull examples rather than getting flustered thinking of an example and crashing out on the question. Do you think these are reasonable requests and would you judge me for it

I think we might need to temporarily switch the internet off at some point in the next decade to protect us from AI. Is that possible? What do you think would happen?

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

Taken dd up to university. Spent a day getting her here ( not able to drive physically) brought lots of stuff via 3 trains.
Yesterday bought bedding and kitchen stuff. Pretty stuff pillows/throws/ fairy lights etc
Today bought lots of food/ cleaning/ laundry stuff.
I'm now going home tomorrow.
I am sad, she is my eldest and I'm going to miss her loads. Her room will look odd though apparently all the dogs and cats are niw in her room so they know something.
But I'm not devastated or broken or crying?

Welcome back everyone to the new thread and hello to any newbies - join us now in time for the autumnal fun. 🍂💄🌂

As always when the Advent threads are running hot this thread is a little quieter but holiday releases, sets and edits are just around the corner. I'm super excited to be going to Sephoria London in October - I still can't believe I lucked out getting a ticket.

Some exciting homegrown news -after a few technical hiccups the FB group is now searchable (but private) MN Beauty Chat Swap/Trade/Sell.* *For those interested in the group we have a few joining rules you will be asked to abide by. Thank you @MrsBnow12 @CinderellaParker for your help.

How do you capture them and take them outside when you’re terrified of them and live alone? I’ve just had two enormous ones in my house I screamed, luckily my neighbours always have their back door open they came running out wondering what was wrong, and got them for me.

Picture pending, but reasonably voluminous balloon legged trousers on short woman.

please be honest but not mean.

For context - 45yrs, 5’3”, slightly ‘alt’ leaning style but far from full on alternative/goth/emo.

don’t say ‘if you like them that’s all that matters’ or similar because I can’t decide if I like them, and that is why I’m posting.

NC for this. I know landlords aren’t always popular here.

I own and manage a few HMO’s in a nearby city. All legal requirements fulfilled, and normally have long term tenants.

I woke this morning to a host of missed calls.
One of the tenants, who has been fine for several years, invited his friend/ relative to stay for a temporary period as she was having issues with her landlord.
He did not discuss this with me or the other tenants.

Tenants are of course allowed visitors, including overnight for a day or two ( longer if they are visiting from abroad, etc. it’s pretty flexible).
The Tenancy Agreement is very clear that visitors visit the person, and they should never be left unsupervised in the property or given a key.

Around 6 weeks ago I was at the property for a routine treatment. The visitor was there alone. I had to ask her to leave as harmful chemicals were being used.

I had a chat with the tenant later and he explained it was a one off emergency.

It later transpired after complaints from other tenants and some unexplained damage that she was living in the property.

That was a problem. She had no primary address elsewhere and her presence took the property into the next level of HMO, meaning it needed to be registered.
The penalties for not registering when required are severe.

I told the tenant he needed to tell her to leave.

He did so and was met with a lot of resistance, but eventually she went, only to return in the early hours some days later. He felt he had to let her in.

He asked for my help to get her to leave. She refused, saying the council had told her that I’d have to get a court order to evict her.

Legal advice was that he invited her in and once he told her she was no longer welcome we could change locks when she was out.

She actually went out without a key and whilst she was gone he put her belongings in a locked shed outside, offering to open it when she needed.

That was about a week ago. I thought it was sorted. The calls in the early hours were from my tenant and the police asking if I would agree to her staying the night.

I would have said no and fortunately as they couldn’t reach me she was not allowed in.

This woman clearly has problems. I’d say she is vulnerable, but the same council that was advising her not to leave my property, whilst refusing any sort of practical assistance, would also be the ones taking action against me for running an unlicensed HMO.

The tenant is being bullied by so called friends to let her stay. He is under a lot of pressure but I’ve had to tell him that if he lets her stay I will have to take steps to evict him.

I have told him that I will speak to any official bodies that are trying to pressure him, and to the ‘friends’
I wasn’t expecting to speak to the police at 2-3 am though. Apparently they weren’t happy with me and thought the tenant should be able to take her in.

So. I've always wanted to write a book but never knew what I could write about.

I'm fairly well established in my profession but publishing something in my field gives me the absolute willies with imposter syndrome.

Even my husband said to me frequently... "you should write a book"...

And then one day I had an experience that sent my brain off on a flight of fancy and blow me, I had the bones of a wild and weird story.

I've worked on this tirelessly between breaks while working, at weekends and early mornings for months and months and I now have about 120,000 words written and a "book" with a story which of course still needs lots of work.

I decided that I needed trusted people in my life to read it and tell me if it's shit or not. I wanted it tested.

So. I printed copies for my mum and sister, and sent opening chapters to my husband and bestie. Results as follows:

Bestie has never mentioned it again. She clearly thinks it's shit. A bit disappointing but maybe silence is easier than risking the friendship (to be clear, it wouldnt, I love her loads and would be ok if she said "no offence mate, not my thing")..

Mum. Got a notebook and pen out and went through it meticulously, spotted character drift, typos and the odd weird bit of the story where what was in my head had not made it onto paper in a way the reader could reasonably follow. She is an avid reader and was both critical and complementary. She said she loved it, it is unique, timely, and she thinks once I've made some rewrites I should try and court some agents.

Sister. Devoured it. Was just the biggest cheerleader and adored it for me. She gave very little pointers but was super enthusiastic for me. Love her for this. 💛 She wasn't critical, but frankly I could streak down the high street with tits flapping in the wind, and she would tell everyone with pride that I was hers.... so I take her enthusiasm with a pinch of salt.

Husband. He has had it for three weeks now. Even though it has been obvious I've been working on it for such a long time, and I explicitly told him I valued his opinion, he simply hasn't even opened it. So a week ago I told him how hurt I was, that he was the one who always said i could do it, and now that I have, he seems to be deliberately ignoring it. He apologised if I was hurt, said he has been super busy (he really hasn't), and admitted not even opening it. He promised he would read the chapter in the next few days. He never asked one question about it and hasn't mentioned it since the briefly apology if my feelings were hurt.

Since then, he has spent hours doom scrolling, watched shit fishing shows (8ncluding repeats), and read various news articles. Sometimes so lost in his phone i could hardly get a word out of him. So... I deleted the book off his emails. It was unread. He would have to ask me to send it again now if he wanted to look. (To be clear we have open access to each other's emails. No secrets and no sneaking, his emails are in my Outlook and I manage lots for him, so no snooping to worry about). He could have read the opening chapter in half an hour. I reckon if I asked him what the working title is, he wouldn't know.

So... at the end of this, am I being unreasonable to be gutted he has absolutely no interest? I feel rage bubbling up inside me everytime I look at him right now. Even if he read it and said he hated it... but he hasn't even opened it. Completely uninterested. Like... what a fucking team.

He's doing a qualification at the moment and I always help him with his essays. Final year is about to start and he can jog the fuck on if he thinks I'm lifting a finger for him now.

Maybe this book will just die a death as a little vanity project, but pfft.... wanker.

[Typos galore, written in rage... the actual book is much more careful]...