I've posted before about my neighbours and their very barky dog who barks throughout the day, so frequently and it's now every ten minutes or so.

I went to the council about it and they sent a letter to them and I've been keeping logs.

They can keep it quiet and have done on several occasions but most days it barks and barks and barks.

Its got to the point where wfh, watching tv, eating a meal, reading, anything basically is disturbed and barking has started being late at night. Neighbours also shout at each other most days and dog. Both are ill, heart issues and cancer, but also clearly antisocial and disrespectful to their neighbours.

This morning, the dog was barking an insane amount. Both are home all the time (retired) whilst dog is barking. This has been going on a year since I moved here. I was supposed to be presenting on a work call but dog was coming through on the call. Really shit.

I went round and I asked very nicely and calmly if they can keep dog quiet. He said they're trying. I replied that they have kept dog quiet on a few occasions for long periods of time, why can't they do that all the time. He just told me 'we're trying'. I said its very antisocial to keep letting your dog bark and not once have they come round and said sorry and he said, 'sorry for what?' I said for being antisocial. He then got more dismissive and angry and told me he's very busy, walked past me and got into his car.

There have been times in the past where they invited me in to meet the dog after I got exasperated by the barking and the dog barked at me non stop the whole time I was there and the few times I've seen male neighbour out and about and stopped him to ask what they're doing about the barking (im always very nice and calm), and I was told they're going to start training but each time they also have said they don't have time to do training due to their health concerns which is bollocks as she is sat in that house shouting and arguing with him every day and he is in that house 22 hours a day. Dog never ever gets walked.

Anyway, I left it at that but my mental health is so low.

The council are doing their thing, but I wondered if they'll take their health into consideration and be lenient?

I also thought of taking them to court myself but I wondered if the judge may be lenient too? I can offer pages and pages of written logs and sound recordings but not sure I'll get anywhere anymore.

I can't afford to move.

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

Please help!

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

Just that really. I far prefer the French habit of having a wash after having a no 2, much more civilised. The British way is actually unhygienic and gross.

Friend of mine is a fellow Marks & Spencer fan can't get on with the scheme at all. I've made it more of an effort maybe, plus I've bought quite a lot of summer clothes so I've got £27!
I'm wondering if someone has bought something massive and has got loads of money in it?

Full disclosure, I buy more food there than I might do if I had a family living at home still, and do check it to see what offers are available.
But I wouldn't buy something that I didn't want, just because there was a Sparks offer

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I have a 13 year old and 10 year old. We are currently renting at a reduced rate through family. I am 37 years old.

I desperately would like to try for another baby. I have wanted to for years, but various life events have prevented it sooner. My husband is keen but also hesitant. The reason for this is that we don’t own a home. We have £25000 in savings, which we have saved up over the last few years. I have been working for 1 year in a career role that has progression opportunities. My husband earns about £50k, but we live in a very expensive part of the country.

I know the age gap is big, but would we be crazy to have another?

YABU - don’t do it
YANBU - go for it

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

Recently DH and I were invited to a wedding in Italy, it was held in a cathedral/Duomo technically, but one of the much smaller ones, in the south.
Obviously it being a church wedding we ensured both of us and our teenage daughters were modest, shoulders covered etc.

However the Bride, had an admittedly gorgeous, but I’d say … unexpected dress for the day. With a deep V open back (and the rest of the back was lace so essentially completely exposed), no veil, spaghetti straps and a fairly deep (though not revealing) cowl neckline.

It really surprised me this was seen as an appropriate dress for a church, especially one of significance. I’m not saying the dress wasn’t beautiful, it was! And I wouldn’t say she actually looked particularly provocative, I’d have just thought it would fall outside the modesty standards.

Have Catholic Churches really loosened the grip on what is seen as a modest? AIBU to be shocked that this was allowed and think it’s not an entirely appropriate choice?

Just that really. I have small, maybe deep blackheads that I can't squeeze out on my nose. Has anyone found anything that will help?

A few weeks ago I resigned from my current job after being offered a role elsewhere. My employer made me a counter-offer which I accepted, so I withdrew my resignation.

At the time it felt like the right decision. The salary was increased and I thought the issues I’d had with the role would improve.

However, since then the new company has come back with an even better offer. They’ve got budget approval to comfortably beat my current salary and, more importantly, they’ve changed the job description so it now feels like a role I can get really excited about. It genuinely feels like something I’d love doing.

The problem is I’d now have to resign from my current employer again, only a couple of weeks after withdrawing my resignation. I feel awful about that. They’ve invested in keeping me, announced I was staying and, from their perspective, I’ve changed my mind twice.
On the other hand, I also don’t want to stay somewhere just because I feel guilty if another opportunity is a much better fit for me long term.

YABU - Stay
YANBU - Leave

I just want to preface this by saying that I’ve name changed and MNHQ will be able to verify that I’ve been on here a long while. Just pointing this out, as I’ll inevitably get troll hunted on this one as it makes very little sense! I assure you I have not left anything out whatsoever and I’m sorry it’s such a long post.

I’m a widowed parent of one 11yr old DD. I have a small-ish dog who thankfully doesn’t bark much (which is relevant to this situation).

2 years ago, my usually always very friendly & chatty next door neighbour, randomly blocked me from texting her - which I rarely ever did anyway tbh, only ever if there was a parcel here for her etc. The last time I’d spoken to her, everything had been great. I was utterly mystified but figured it’d be sorted eventually and I’d ask her when I saw her next. With it being winter I didn’t see her for a while and when I did, I was ignored. Really odd but ok…. Maybe I or DD had made some noise? Although she has always assured me vehemently that she can’t hear anything from our side but even so, I don’t allow DD to make noise for my own sake as well as that of others!

Last summer, there were a few occasions when I was in my back garden (6ft fence with vertical planks with small gaps in between) and neighbour’s Dad who was there, shouted over at me. Once when I was taking a photo of a random plant which had popped up so I could identify it, he shouts “Come round if you want to take photos, you fat fuck!” Now, I should’ve asked WTF he was talking about and corrected him but I was too stunned to speak! Another time I got called a “sad pathetic loser” when I was cutting sweet pea flowers off my trellis on our adjoining fence. Followed by him saying to his daughter “Don’t worry she’s obviously got no life” Again, I hugely regret not saying something back and asking what on earth I’m meant to have said or done wrong. But having escaped extremely violent DV, I just don’t have the strength to confront any male and probably never will. It’s fight or flight and I flee. Until today, that is.

Around the end of last year, the neighbour got a dog of their own and despite my calling my dog in every single time, theirs still barks loudly every single time he sees my dog through the fence. I’ve tried putting tarpaulin up on the adjoining fence to prevent their dog seeing mine but nope, it still keeps happening. Thankfully my dog doesn’t usually bark back and if he does, it’s one singular woof to show his displeasure, then he comes in!
About 2 months ago, I wrote neighbour herself a letter (as she just blanks me when I try speaking to her face to face) explaining that I’ve absolutely zero clue what I’ve done to upset her, apologised if it’s noise (though I really don’t think it is, as DD & I are quiet people and when DD is at school, I’m often asleep or at hospital) and explaining that I only have about 12-14 months left to live due to an autoimmune disorder which she actually knows I have, that I want to spend what time I have left with my child in peace and just want to be left alone and politely requested that they stop slamming their front door as it was making us both jump a mile and was affecting DD at school when it happens during the night. I was very polite and promised to do what I can on my part to try and mitigate the situation with her dog seeing mine through the fence (which I have done, I put tarpaulin up but clearly I need to add more!)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and now her Dad is seemingly living there and is making mine & my daughter’s lives a living hell.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I open one of my French doors and either let my dog out for a wee or I dare to step out into my own garden, not only does their dog bark like mad at mine (who now just ignores theirs as he’s used to it!) I get “Oh for fuck’s sake!” or her little boy goes running inside shouting “Mum, Granddad, she’s in her garden again!!!” followed by “Oh for fuck’s sake! Fucking typical!” It’s got to the point where I’m genuinely anxious to go into my own garden and I’m not exaggerating and I’m a keen gardener! I can’t even nip to my greenhouse to get some lettuce without a “Oh for fuck’s sake, fat fuck is out again!” 😳
Last week, I had to mow the lawn as it was the first day I’d had in weeks where I was well enough to do it and they were having a BBQ (I don’t think there were any guests but I decided to be as quick as possible anyway) and well, he was fuming and they went storming inside, slamming the door. I don’t know what was said as I had the mower on but heard door slam. That one was probably my fault for mowing whilst they were having a BBQ but if I’d waited until the next time I was well enough, the grass would’ve been too long to mow!

Another thing which I’ve been ignoring in the hope that it naturally settles (and to avoid confrontation with him), is the fact that their dog barks the ENTIRE TIME he is left in the house alone. Barks loudly and howls. So bad that me making a phone call is nigh on impossible. It’s often overnight also, so that is hell for DD especially. This happened today and I’ve taken to recording clips of it just in case it’s needed in future. When it finally stopped, presumably as he came home, the first thing I did, was quietly let DDog out as I’d kept him in during the barking due to the noise coming from their side. Well, this was a mistake as their dog saw mine and erupted - as per usual! Mine didn’t bark back at all but DD grabbed the treat tub and told him to come in for obvious reasons and neighbour’s Dad shouts “FUCKING TWATS!!!!!” over the fence. Now I have never, ever responded to ANY of it but having just endured hours upon hours of their Alsation barking and howling I snapped and said, calmly, “Your dog has been barking all day!!!” to which he shouts “Because of you! YOU’RE CAUSING IT!!!” “Every fucking day you’re in your garden” I reply “And?!” At which point he slams their door and my DD bursts into tears and call me pathetic but so did I. I’m at my wits end. This is my home. My DD’s home and this is almost certainly the last summer of my life. My only hobby is quietly (& I do mean quietly) pottering around in my garden deadheading flowers or pruning roses etc.

• I don’t ever have visitors besides my 82yr old mother (she’s my only remaining family besides DD) and what friends do bother with me, I just have catch up coffees with in Costa!
• I don’t play music in my home or my garden. If I listen to a podcast or LBC, it’s on earphones.
• My dog rarely barks and if he does, it’s only a tiny bit if he is barked at! He did once bark at an Owl ornament I bought but in his defence, it did blink at night time!!
• I do not speak on the phone in the garden as everyone around me would hear and despite this massive long post, I am quite a quiet person usually!
• DD is rarely in the garden (more’s the pity!) she prefers gaming! She used to play out front on her scooter with some kids from up the street but she’s been too frightened to, since neighbour’s Dad aggressively told her to “Piss off” once about a year ago when he’d arrived about 5 mins after neighbour had left the house and so, being 9, she told him. Who tells a 9yr old to piss off?

I have reported today’s incident to non-emergency police. However a. Officer won’t be free to talk to me until the end of next week which I’m sad about tbh. I could’ve used the advice as right now, I’m terrified to even let my dog out for a wee, let alone step into my garden.
Again, having escaped extreme DV, it’s very difficult for me to not default to flight mode. I’m still shaking and this happened 2 hours ago. Pathetic, I know. I already struggle with anxiety.

Sorry this was so long but I didn’t want to miss anything out and have to correct people or be accused of drip feeding!

There’s nothing I can do, is there?

My reception child received their end of year report, and they’ve failed to meet a “Good Level of Development” in the Early Learning Goals. They were “emerging” in two of the bits of Personal, Social and Emotional Development (Self-Regulation and Relationships). Teacher told us that they have made good progress after being very unsettled starting school, and almost met the standard, but not quite.

I’m not sure how best to support in this area other than with consistent, loving parenting and support. I can’t help but feel upset as it seems that my child is being pegged as a failure on a personality assessment, or that our parenting has failed. Perhaps I’m being silly, but there’s a similar recent thread where a poster’s child is in a similar situation but “emerging” in reading and maths - somehow this feels easier to deal with and less of a personal failing.

Can any teachers or parents who have been through similar offer advice?

Hi,
As promised, here is the new thread.

All are welcome to chat about Toastie topics, (and other related things!)

Sorry for the long post, don't want to dripfeed.

My partner (not married) and I have been together 4 years and have a DD (1 year old). When we met, I was in quite a hippie mindset - we were travelling a lot. Partner was working freelance, before we met he had a thriving business and saved a lot of income. His business ended because the sector was becoming redundant. Since we met, he has still barely earned. At the start of the relationship he had motivation to try and make a new business work, but without a business partner he struggled. He was always the "doer" and relied on a business partner to handle the client acquisition etc - he is very shy and introverted. Also, we suspect, on the autistic spectrum.

Throughout the relationship I worked full time. We always kept finances separate and split costs 50:50. When I got pregnant the plan was for me to take maternity pay, then take unpaid maternity leave and live off my savings (my savings would have run out by the end). He has 10's of K in savings still, despite earning less than his outgoings for the 4 years (he had a lot saved to start with).

Luckily during my maternity leave I landed a very high paid job, and now earn a lot of income. My partner thinks I should give him half my salary each month, and I'm not sure if that's unfair, or if I'm being stingy saying no.

Since I earned more, I have been contributing proportionally more for shared costs and baby costs, which I think is fair. But I'm on a freelance contract, which is going well, but there's a chance it won't be renewed at the end of the year.

He said he can't find a job as he has burnout from all the travelling and logistics around it. So I agreed we settle in his home country near his family (although I would prefer settling near mine). He is also demanding half my income, despite having 10s of k in savings. He said he doesn't like spending his savings (but I want to save for pension and baby!! Neither of us have a pension)

And I'm worried that if I pay him so much he would lose any last push to find a job. I asked him what he would do if I split the income with him - he said he would let go of his already very very part-time income stream. I said he could either be a stay at home dad and we split my income, or he pays his way (while I still contribute more to shared costs).

FYI its not like he does more home chores - I do all the cleaning, cooking, baby food prep, childcare organisation, babys clothes, packing and unpacking her stuff, and pay for most of the full time childcare. He leads travel logistics/subletting the apartment.

I can't tell if he is genuinely burned out and I should help him get back on his feet by easing the financial stress. Or if he is taking me for a ride and I'm being manipulated.

AIBU: he has burnout, we co-parent, I earn more than him and it's fair I split my income with him?
Or AINBU: Paying him would amount to enabling, and I need to focus on saving responsibly?

Id like them to be three quarter length or thereabouts . Fitted nicely enough around the bum (not all baggy) then a sort of barrel leg. I’d like linen or cotton.

everything seems to be too baggy around the bum which isn’t flattering and if not then the leg is too straight or it’s flared. I want it to come in a bit around the calf.

anyone got or seen something like this?

I do have a pair but they’re just a bit too small and very faded because I loved them. They were from Nomads but they’re no longer do them

any help anyone??

I just found the house I'm buying being re-marketed on RightMove by a different estate agent

A few weeks ago the seller's told us they had split from their estate agent but it wouldn't affect the sale - we have paid for searches, survey etc all going OK - a bit slow maybe, but houses aren't fast & the purchase depends on 2 sales (both progressing ok but i lost my first sale and had to get a new one, which I did within a week)

Then a friend said they saw 'my' house online and I checked - the estate agent didn't know it had an offer on it (or that it had been on before) & my solicitor is bemused and ringing round to find out what is going on

I think I've been dumped! 😟

i really can’t do trainers in very hot weather but I need something very comfortable for walking 20k plus steps a day. I’ve looked at Skechers, fitflop, teva but I think I need a recommendation. Has anyone found any with good arch support and very cushioned soles which might fit the bill?
I know there are lots of actual hiking sandals but I’d like something more attractive if possible

What more summer shenanigans await us from the Montecito duo?

My husband was made unemployed nearly 6 months ago. He’s basically dossed around since then with a bare minimum of job hunting.

I sorted a mortgage holiday for three months to buy some time but he was always aware he just had to have a job by august 1st due to our financial commitments. Thats now nearly here, he’s no job and he’s looking at me like what’s my problem. We won’t be able to pay our mortgage school fees and utilities. We not over extended and I earn well but it’ll be practically impossible without his salary.

He doesn’t seem to get it. I’ve just lost the rag and he’s telling me to calm down.

We have a big family split and I'm being made to feel responsible for upsetting everyone.

About 5 years ago my nephew did something to me which was unforgiveable. My sister and brother in law spoilt him from being small and he did not get disciplined at all which in turn made their lives hell when he reached his teens.

I had always been very close to him growing up but as he got older he really went off the rails. Sadly he was allowed to get away with any behaviour and when he did what he did to me I got no back up from sis and BIL .
I was so distressed that I wanted to report what he had done to the Police but I was stopped by sis as she wanted it sweeping under the carpet and was making excuses for his behaviour.

I asked for an apology from him but sis said 'You will be lucky, he apologises to no-one'.
He then called round at my house and I thought he was coming to apologise but instead when I opened the door he hurled a torrent of abuse at me and called me the most awful names.

I tackled my sis and BIL about it but instead of agreeing that he was out of order they made excuses for his behaviour.

Long story short, I just could not get past the way he was allowed to get away with what he had done especially as I agreed to not go to the Police and my sis and bil would not give me any back up. It was just 'The way he is' 'His age' etc etc.

So I fell out with sis and bil and refused to see nephew again.

But I am from a big family, 3 brothers and 4 sisters and it has had a knock on affect at every family occasion because I simply refuse to be in the same room as him. I really thought that as time went on he would mature, realise he should not have done what he did and perhaps eventually apologise.
However its now got to the stage where everyone is saying I should let it go as its making it difficult for everyone else.

Everyone else is fine with him and think I am over reacting but they were not there at the time. They all think I should get over it and as my youngest brother said 'Be the adult'. My nephew is now 23.

Im feeling like the bad guy and finding it difficult to cope with it. I admit I feel really bitter but on the one hand I hate it becoming a family divide but on the other I cant let it go.

Sorry it’s a bit long -

DS(9) has a fairly newish friend, although they’ve known each other since Reception, and they do an after school activity together. I’ve had a coffee with the mum a few times and she seems nice.

The mum has suggested, out of the blue, going on holiday for a week - our two families - plus their dog, renting a property. We don’t know her DH other than by sight, and the dog is a large rescue mixed breed who is aggressive and needs to be muzzled in public. Their DC also can’t have their friends over because of the dog’s aggression and that he nips the family as well. My DS is scared of most dogs.

I was caught on the hop and said oh that would be nice, then thought oh no what have I said. When she said the dog would be coming I said that DS is scared of dogs, plus it would be dependent on how DH is (he is having cancer treatment currently and will be monitored for 5 years, depending on the outcome of the first scans and tests once this initial treatment ends).

We don’t want to go on holiday with this family and if she mentions it again I need to close the conversation down - what can I say that is polite but cannot be picked apart?

We don’t want to commit to a holiday with anyone particularly because of DH’s cancer, but also because of the dog (I don’t want to be around the dog let alone my DC) and that we don’t really know them at all. My DS likes their DC but does get a bit irritated by him sometimes so that is another reason that I don’t want to force him to spend a week with someone that he likes in small does, iyswim. They also like different types of holidays to us.

Is it mad, or do you think Reggie could work as an everyday shortening of Peregrine? Yes it is a bit of a stretch to pull a soft g from a hard g but there are stranger ones, like Teddy from Edward. Peregrine is quite a lot of name but an old name with some nice associations such as the falcon or the first mayflower pilgrim born in North America. I was going to put it in the middle family name slot but wonder if Reggie offers a more modern and unpretentious alternative to Peregrine as a first name. I dislike Perry as it feels like the wrong generation and I'm also visualising Kathy Burke. I'm not especially a fan of the name Reggie/Reg as a stand alone but I don't dislike it as a playground name. I'm not a fan of Reginald at all however. I quite like the contrast between Peregrine and Reggie, I could be completely wrong in how this comes across though.

I asked a few of my younger but university educated work colleagues what they thought about the name Peregrine and received answers along the lines of: Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar children/Isn't that a girls' name?/Like the bird?/Is that a real name? So I'm not sure it will carry any strong connotations for younger generations other than possibly sounding like a young adult fantasy character. On that note,: Morwenna + Peregrine? I wonder if this seems quite thematic or possibly a teensy bit alternative/glastonbury/pagan revival? Or just two romantic and old fashioned names? I have slightly less grand alternatives such as Ludo/Hector/Rafe/Edmund under consideration as well.

im with a very sweet man - extremely kind, funny, and great with my young DS who is now 3.5. Trustworthy too.

I am 30 in November. He is 33.

he is very content living at home, enjoying weddings abroad and weekends away with his friends. All things I appreciate a young man without responsibilities would want to do.

it’s been 2 years of dating/togetherness. During this time I don’t feel we have progressed greatly, have met family and friends but the integration with my DS has been minimal - he is happy to get involved when I ask but he never really broaches the subject.

I had a long term relationship with DS father - 10 years as was together extremely young. I am now in a position where I would like to buy and think about progressing forward in life - perhaps another DC at some point and would like to get married should that ever arise.

DP hasn’t put much thought into his future, has said that he’d hope he’s moved out in the next few years if he can save in that time, but the impression I get is it’s not high on the priority list. Which of course is fine for someone who is happy with this lifestyle. I’m concerned that I may not get what I want from life if I continue with the relationship.

the men in my family are sceptical and feel I should stick this out as meeting someone else will set me back further in life. They feel it safer to bide time and hope he comes round to wanting the same as me. The women in my family are pretty direct and feel our goals will never align and it’s time to love and leave.

I am torn. AIBU to leave a great great man just because our goals don’t align at this very moment?