Feels like I'm searching for something that doesn't exist.

My mobility and chronic pain has come to a head, and I can no longer wear my usual Birkenstocks or wedges that I'd wear in the summer. I need wear flat sandals, with a bit of structure over my toes and a heel strap, and can't have a chunky or thin sole. Can't tie around my ankle as sometimes one of my ankles swells from oedema. I also have a very high instep, so can't wear ones that cover my full foot.

I want ones where I can pull the ankle strap over my ankle, or a velcro strap so that I don't have to bend down too long to get them on.

All the ones I've found look like what my nana wears, with elasticated backs.

I liked these ones https://www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,60/5346085216 but DH laughed jokingly and said his mam would wear them, so didn't get them.

Budget is around £75 a pair. I'd like an everyday pair and a pair I could wear if going out to a beer garden or to look a bit fancier.

I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

Where do you buy your slips for dresses? I realise that is probably a dated thing to do, but I think it will improve the 'flow' of a lot of my summer dresses that are not lined.

Or find a lovely little village school and spend our days living a slow, traditional life

It’s my dream

Has anyone got this, am I being realistic?

Imagine a coat or jacket, long enough to cover my bum, and with three quarter sleeves. But it's to wear in summer, over jeans and a t shirt, so it's made of very light fabric. It doesn't need to fasten. I don't even know what this would be called ~ it's not a kimono, but along those lines. Can anyone help me, please?

Hey shoppers
I’m trying to find some alternative swimwear to suggest to my teen daughter. she does not want to look in any way girlie or feminine. I just want her to feel comfortable at the beach! Her style is v androgynous. She’s sent a link to a swim top which I’m not keen on so trying to find some alternatives.

I’m thinking tankini / crop top in plain black, no cutaways or flounces or ‘shape enhancing’; not padded or wired, a blurb on the site that doesn’t talk about flattering one’s figure… bonus points if the models are boyish looking. I’m really struggling to find this even in sportswear and surf sites. The swim shorts we have sorted in plain black, it’s just the top.
it’s for a beach holiday where it will be hot.
she’s in adult sizes. Medium/ 10-12. Don’t think we’ll get away with age 13-15.
thanks for any help!

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

Coping and processing feelings after realising my marriage is not healthy and dealing with SA & DA.

Started a new thread as previous one nearly full & I have deleted & recreated my account as I am now hyper vigilant about my H checking my phone. He has asked to ‘borrow’ it tonight for innocent reasons. I will not be on here as much going forward as I believe he suspects something is up. But I will try and check in. Thank you for all the gentle support so far xx

New thread primarily share disappointing experience with new therapist after previous one gone on leave. I feel back to square 1 and doubting myself again. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a parallel universe to all of you with the professionals I speak to!! If I hadn’t spoken to WA first I would feel like I was making a big fuss over nothing.

This new therapist had my notes. I spoke to her for 20+ minutes and mentioned the r**e (even said the word!) and sex while sleeping, the recent coercion and angry outbursts. This therapist (supposedly trauma informed) listened to me and not only recommended couples therapy but also a sex therapist to try and find a middle ground and set boundaries and expectations we are both comfortable with?!

I know I need to go back to WA local service . Im just scared about SS getting involved and what he will do if/when he finds out

Any advice on the new therapist appreciated. I will try to check in when I can xx

I had a hysteroscopy under general anaesthetic today to get biopsies for possible endometrial cancer. I’ve had previous conscious attempts to get a Pipelle biopsy but they can’t get in because I’ve had an ablation in the past.

I’m in agony this evening every time I have a wee, as whatever elephantine speculum they used to get in there has ripped my vulva to shreds by stretching it - all my skin down there is very delicate despite being on HRT and breaks at the drop of a hat, even from wearing pads, which I’ve had to do recently because of this unexpected bleeding.

Anyway, the agony. I have ordered some of the good barrier cream which the nurse gave me a couple of years ago when she tore me doing my smear test, but that won’t be here until, realistically, tomorrow afternoon.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO UNTIL THEN?

I’ve just had a warm salt bath which made me cry. I am in complete agony weeing, and the massive pads I am having to wear for the bleeding are just making it worse.

Please, wise women, hit me with any and all ideas you have, preferably from experience so you can vouch for them. I am knackered from the GA this morning so too much experimentation is out. DH isn’t supposed to leave me for 24 hours, but could probably do so in the morning - our nearest late pharmacy isn’t really late and is already closed tonight. Obvs am drinking as much as I can stomach to keep my wee dilute, but that doesn’t even seem to be helping!

I keep getting little spots along my lip line. And above my upper lip is reddish, so the definition between lip and normal skin is lost. Took this photo straight out of the shower.

Any ideas? Not sure what to do. Currently face routine is cleanser, moisturiser, SPF in the morning, cleanser, moisturiser at night. Use dermatica with tret about twice a week. Lip balm occasionally. Rarely wear make up.

I have a 16 year old dd off to college in September. She has limited interest in clothes and is really anxious about a lot of things (possibly ND).

shes quite excited about a new start and wants a bit of a glow up post gcses. Hopefully her braces are coming off after about 3 years of treatment, she’s having her waist length hair cut to above her shoulders, she’s joined the gym (excellent for her anxiety).

clothes have always been tough. She feels very body conscious, over whelmed by choice and conflicted between looking nice in stuff that suits her that gets her compliments and hiding away in huge baggy stuff that then makes her feel worse about herself iyswim.

her natural style is pretty plain, subdued colours, quite kind of gamine (she’s very slim) but not androgynous. Her prom dress is a very plain navy body con type thing that she loves and looks amazing in. High neck but very fitted and she looks very elegant for a 16 year old!

what I would really like is to point her at some ideas/shops so she can get an idea of what she likes and would like to try. Then when we go shopping it doesn’t turn into her getting more and more overwhelmed and withdrawn and me getting cross because she can’t go to college in her pants (flashback of our last trip).

any ideas where to start pointing her? I worry places like Uniqlo and H&M are where I shop and Berksha and pull and bear where her very stereotypical teen twin sister shops and we need to find her a middle ground

So our house has been on for a while and has dribs and drags of viewings.
I know it’s a bad time to sell but it’s in a great area and in the south east and we’ve reduced by 25k already. The EA has told us not to reduce anymore and the right person will come.

So I’m being brave and going to ask for thoughts on here!

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/171848261?utm_campaign=property-details&utm_content=buying&utm_medium=sharing&utm_source=copytoclipboard#/&channel=RES_BUY

I was much younger and temping at an office block in London. I was sent with a message for X, who, it turned out, had moved offices. I was told this by Y who had moved into to X's office.

But I recognised Y, for want of a better word. Not his face or his voice - just him. We ended up talking for about twenty minutes before I took off. The next day I had to ring a member of staff, and for some bizarre reason it went through to Y's phone. We laughed and chatted, then ended the call.

Before I left I emailed him suggesting a drink. It was short and sweet, I didn't say anything else. He replied that he couldn't because he had a girlfriend and said - "but I felt it too".

I've never forgotten him.

A couple of years later l was at work when a man I had never met before walked in and starting talking to me. And again, I recognised him though I had never met him. I knew I was going to marry him. And I did, 25 years ago.

Had anyone else had this happen?

Normally I'm in the camp of if you need to ask then it's a no but keen to hear what other's thoughts are. Is there too much white?
Thanks!
https://www.riverisland.com/p/pink-satin-floral-twist-front-midi-dress-938381

If your partner was fitting a bathroom for his ex wife for 4 months spending a large part of every weekend doing this, what would ypu think?
For reference they have been divorced years,definitly just a friendship, adult daughter (28) lives there also.
Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.
We are very serious about eachother and very happy with him.
But this is upsetting me now.
Spending all day sunday and sunday evening there until around 8pm.
Meaning Saturday is his only day off. He is constantly tired because he works really hard then this on top. Which means hes often tired and not willing to do things saturday evenings with me due to being up early to do this room.
We went for a meal Saturday night but was asleep by 10pm and up at 7 ready to do the room. So i feel its impacting the whole weekend. He also spent easter sunday and bank holuiday monday there while i was alone.
Am i right to feel annoyed?

Looking at new house - only one we like. Owner is an older couple who have spent years creating a garden worthy of an National Trust property!! The issue is we do not enjoy gardening and do not want to have to pay a gardener to keep all the flowers in check. Would it be awful to take out half the gardens flowers and replace with grass? It is 0.8 acre so a very big garden and our children would much prefer all turf to play football etc. It would feel almost criminal to do it but we don't want the upkeep - they also have a large rose garden which we would rather take out and have a vegetable garden. Is this all just too much?! It is the only house we like in our ideal location. It must be a full time job to look after it!!

When I met my husband I fell for him for lots of different reasons, and one of them being that he was a stable and sensible person. I came from a really volatile family so the fact he was calm and “together” was really appealing to me (among other things). Another aspect of this was that he was financially responsible - he’d saved £12k and seemed to have good money management. I on the other hand had never learnt to manage money well at all. I was living in debt and probably also due to adhd could not get a grip of finances. I had a good job as a teacher but never lived within my means.
Anyway further down the line we bought a lovely house, got married. We got into debt over the wedding but had a plan to pay it off (around £8k). I know this was a mistake in itself but we’d had a tough time with my family being awful so I think we just thought let’s have a nice time and pay it back.

Despite best intentions we’ve never got rid of the debt. We’ve transferred it to 0% cards and managed it but never got rid. Various life events put us under stress and I think we just kept kicking the debt ball down the road if that makes sense.

Fast forward 8 years and we’re struggling under a large mortgage, elevated food bills, a house to renovate, two kids to pay for. I thought we still had the debt under credit and were chipping away at it. I think in the back of my mind I’d wondered if it might have crept up a bit but I still thought it was a manageable amount that we could get rid of if we properly focused on it.

Yesterday the debt crossed my mind and the fact I don’t have access to the balance on the credit cards bugged me and I said to my husband can you look into whether I can download the app for the cards even though my name isn’t on them so that I can monitor them too and make payments off the balance as and when I want to. He said sure. Last night I asked him dare I ask what the balance is at now and he said £23k. You could see the fear in his eyes. I was absolutely shocked.
Hes assured me there’s nothing untoward on there it’s simply food shops, petrol, house insurance lump payments etc that have made it go up.
i just feel so betrayed. He said he just wanted me to have the things that I wanted and didn’t want to say no. But im not high maintenance I don’t have any designer things. I do have adhd so I get fixated on doing things like decorating and fritter money. But I think if I’d known how bad the debt was I would have stopped the spending.
I don’t know what to do. He’s been up all night upset.
He has had a wage increase recently which he says means he can start paying off £600 per month off the card. The only reason he hasn’t done this yet is because we have to have some unavoidable work done on the house which is costing £2500.

how am I supposed to feel in this situation? My instinct is to team together to sort it out. I’ve taken the credit cards off him and we can get this debt gone with focus. But I also don’t know if I’m being a mug. Has he betrayed me? I don’t know. My family have betrayed me financially in the past and now I feel like my husband has done the same.

Nc for this.

a good friend of my DD was arrested a year ago on suspicion of rape of someone she doesn’t know. Absolute shock for the whole friendship group and DD pulled back from him while this investigation went on. He then told her the whole case had been dropped and they rekindled their friendship. He spends a lot of time at her flat.

Fast forward to last night when two police officers turned up at my DD flat looking for him. She didn’t answer the door at first because she was scared stiff (alone in her flat, anxiety issues and never been involved with the police before). They started banging at the door heavily and she then let them in. They said it was a good job she had because they were about to force entry, I.e. smash the door in.

They fairly aggressively questioned her about his whereabouts, told her repeatedly she’d be in serious trouble if she was hiding him (obvs wasn’t) and searched the flat top to bottom. She was fine with this. They then left after being given his address and said not to contact him. She’s since found out that last year he was
Eventually RUI (released under investigation). The case has not been dropped. DD told her flatmate what was going on but forgot to tell her not to contact the friend so she did and friend called DD and she said he was eerily calm about the whole thing. Police haven’t reached him yet despite his address being 5/10 mins from DD.

So my questions are -

how did they know to turn up at DDs flat?

did they have any authority to force entry?

why haven’t they seen him yet? When they were pretty bloody keen to find him and DD gave them his address.

TIA!

In my early 20s when I was foolish and dumb, I had a holiday romance which turned into a 6-month long distance situation. I thought I was in love but I was stupid, but then I was allowed to be at that age.

At one point he was in a bad state financially and lost his job, told me he was living in his car etc. I loaned him some money (and was clear it was a loan) as an emergency. Less than a week later I was told by 2 independent sources that he was living with another girl and was boasting about how he’d got money from me. I confronted him and he denied it of course, and got angry at me for believing others. But I knew it was true as I found the girl’s social media and her pics confirmed it.

I was obviously very upset and felt humiliated. He promised he would give me the money back when I was there on a certain date, but when the date came he disappeared back to his hometown. I decided for my own sake I needed to move on completely, I sent a final message saying I’m going to give up on getting the money back for my own wellbeing, and I was not going to talk to him again.

And that was how it was for over a decade. I moved on and made my peace, but it’s one of the worst things anyone has done to me. And then one day out of the blue, several years on, he messaged me. I ignored it at first but then he asked why I ‘disappeared’ and sorry if he did anything to upset me. I then replied to say he should know perfectly well, but he didn’t seem to remember at all. I said about the money and he said ‘did you give me money?’ I said how can you not remember? He then said he thinks he gave it back to me and I said no, you did not. He then said he remembers I told everyone about it and that HE FORGIVES ME for doing that. I said ‘it should be you asking me for forgiveness!’ And blocked him.

I just can’t believe some people have no conscience at all and he can’t remember what he did to me. It took me a long time to get over it but I hoped he would feel some remorse. Some people just don’t, do they?

I’m trying to decide between three different styles of adidas trainers - samba, spezial and paris. If you’ve tried one or more, which are the most comfortable?

Last year ex husband arrived at the same holiday destination as me and my children. He then proceeded to ask children if he could visit them at our hotel. I said no but felt awful for my children to have been out in this position. History of emotional abuse.
He is asking again for summer holiday details. (I don’t want the same to happen this year.)

My new job on paper sounded ideal to me. In a category I really enjoy, big global recognisable firm, good salary.

I’ve been there 6 weeks. It’s pretty much fully remote, my entire team is in a different country so even if I wanted to go into the office I’d be alone, there is literally no work to do.

I just can’t do it, I live alone and I don’t want to be sat in my house 24/7, I don’t want to sit staring at a screen with nothing to do, it’s 2am and I don’t want to sleep as it means I’ll be waking up to another day of nothing …

Two quite different options are available to me right now:

A: Continue to be SAHM. Plenty of time to exercise, keep house, go to appointments, have coffees with friends etc. Some days I feel very lucky, other days feel like I’m aimlessly drifting a bit. Can afford a few “nice to have’s” but lifestyle fairly basic.

B: Accept FT job. Enjoy “sense of purpose” and extra money, but this would be intermingled with quite a bit of stress and general feeling of overwhelm (have done before). Also, childcare issues. But financial security would be a plus. I would also pay for cleaner etc, so would get a break from some menial tasks that have been my job for a number of years.

AIBU to have no idea which option is best?! WWYD?

This was out of the time frame I did a post earlier

Just finished work and was making my way home when I saw 2 young girls with their parents selling few things for charity. Gave them money and one of the older girls said to me guess my name with a clue I give you something for free. Before she said clue I guessed her name like I was drawn towards her. They were all amazed. But it made me feel unsettled.