I’m looking for some objective perspective because I am in a flux.
A few years ago, we bought our family home. I put down 100% of the deposit from my own savings/funds, and my husband contributed nothing towards the purchase at the time. My contribution was put in trust.
Soon after, he received a substantial inheritance. The agreement was that this money was earmarked for developing and extending the property, which would build equity for our family and improve our living space.
We recently made concrete plans to get the building work underway. It was only when I asked for funds to pay for initial works that the truth came out. The money is gone. He has spent the entire inheritance and yet there is nothing to show for it. He has actively hidden this from me and lying about the money still being there whenever the subject of the house project came up. He has no clear explanation for where hundreds of thousands of pounds went, other than general mismanagement. He has also run up substantial debts and now cannot afford to contribute to the household management.
The level of deceit and financial betrayal has completely shattered my trust in him.
Because of the systematic lying, I have asked him move out of the family home so I can figure out my next steps.
He thinks I’m overreacting, throwing away a marriage over money, and being cold-hearted.
So, AIBU?
YANBU He lied for years and blew a life-changing sum of money. (we could now be mortage free!) The trust is gone.YABU – You shouldn't kick him out of the family home; try counselling first.

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

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I was 17, he was 31 but he had known me for a few years, he was married with a child, he groomed and wore me down over months, he knew I’d never had a boyfriend and so was flattered by the attention and felt special.

It was 30 ago but I still feel shame and feel physically sick when I think about it, he was overweight and I was absolutely tiny, sex wasn’t pleasant and he was my first of everything. I hadn’t even kissed anyone before or had anyone show any interest in me.

The David Walliams article in the Guardian was so triggering, I couldn’t read it all.

I actually messaged the disgusting fuck this year, told him it had taken me 30 years to realise he’d groomed me and I felt physically sick to think of it. I then blocked him. I hadn’t had any contact before but he was easy to find on fb. Why did I have sex with someone who I found physically repulsive?

I’ve had therapy for this but this has brought it all up again.

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

A few days ago, I did a post on NextDoor asking for a local Handyman to do some jobs in my new flat.

The jobs were:

To fit curtains on both of my living room windows

To put four blinds up

To fit a shelf bracket in my kitchen

A Handyman got in touch, let’s just call him Steve, he gave me a price he would be happy with and we agreed.
I sent very clear photos of each window just so there would be no confusion.
After he had done my living room window, he said “ you didn’t tell me I needed to put up two curtain poles. I thought I was putting one up above both windows but we can discuss that later.” which made me feel a bit awkward.

Having gone back to my message now, I can see I said two curtains to be put up on two windows and photo, one longer curtain pole going right across two windows would look very odd to me and surely goes without saying there would be two poles for two windows 🤷🏻‍♀️

After a pretty shoddy job on on of the blinds where he broke the plastic on my bathroom blind at the top where he had drilled the screws in (he blamed my partner for pulling the blind down beyond maximum capacity, when you can see at the top there was shoddy drilling work and it was mismeasured, which cracked the blind bracket plastic)

He has also left two small piles of sawdust over my kitchen counter/ packets of food. Along with that, he tried to upsell me a lock he had in his pocket, saying that my current locks could be open in five seconds flat, I should be worried about who has copies of my door key (I have just moved into a council house) , which has made me feel really anxious. He kept bringing up again and again that I can avoid the callout charge if I let him install that lock and there, and I can trust him because he’s police checked.
Then before he left, he casually added on an extra £15 to the fee which I felt quite awkward about

My mum is pressuring me to message him and ask him to either refund £15, or come back and fix the bathroom blind (the second option is out of the question because he lives on the other side of London and I just don’t want to deal with bad tension)

I just wanted to know where people stand with Handyman jobs that you’re not satisfied with., because part of me wants to message him just expressing my disappointment, and possibly requesting the £15 back.

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Semi detached neighbour has just started digging foundations for an extension. Foundations are more than 3 times deeper than our house foundations and within 5cm of our party wall. No party wall notice was served. After speaking to the builders, it also transpires that the extension is large enough to require planning permission, which the neighbours do not have.

We aren't opposed to the neighbours improving their home, but we want to make sure things are done safely and legally.

We would like a surveyor to check that the plans are structurally sound given our house's very shallow (less than 30cm) foundations and we would like to know what the plans are for their extension, as it might end up substantially overlooking our garden.

We would also like them to apply for the required planning permission before continuing their build as I understand an unpermitted structure next door can affect our ability to sell our house.

Are we being unreasonable?

We’re both in our 30s and have been friends for around 15 years. I have a 1yo son and am a SAHM. My friend doesn’t have children and doesn’t want any for the foreseeable future, if that’s relevant.

Since having my son, he comes pretty much everywhere with me: shopping, errands, meeting friends, museums, restaurants, family visits etc. He’s a fairly calm child and I enjoy having him around. I have plenty of family who could look after him, but unless there’s a reason he can’t come, I generally just take him with me. He’s also happier with me than any other caregiver so I really don’t see a reason to leave him. Obviously, my social life looks a bit different now. I go to fewer bars and fancy restaurants and see friends less often (because long journeys and child-unfriendly venues aren’t always practical), but I’m genuinely not bothered. It’s just a different season of life and I’m enjoying it, probably more than I enjoyed pre baby life.

This friend has seen me 3 times in the last year: once at my house when DS was 2–3 months old, once for a walk in the summer and once at a pub to celebrate a milestone of hers, where I stayed for about an hour with DS asleep in his pram. She recently messaged saying she missed me and asking if we could go for coffee or lunch. I said of course and asked when. She suggested a day and then asked, “Do you have someone to leave DC with?” I was a bit taken aback. Why would I need to arrange childcare for a casual coffee or lunch? If we’re going somewhere child-friendly, I don’t see why he can’t come. Honestly, if it’s just a social catch-up and he can’t come, I’m not particularly keen to go either. I’d obviously make exceptions for things like weddings, funerals or medical appointments, but I don’t feel the need to leave him behind just for the sake of it.

AIBU? Should I make more effort to see friends without my son, or is it reasonable to expect casual daytime meet-ups to accommodate him?

I've been in a relationship with a serial cheater for several years. Now, I've said it. I've never been particularly attractive to men, objectively speaking, and I've always struggled to find relationships, so I tend to cling to the few I've managed to have, even when I know really shouldn't. I know, very healthy.

I was the breadwinner in this relationship. I brought in roughly 5x and he has three children to pay maintenance for, so I covered pretty much all our living expenses.

In the last few weeks, two things happened in quick succession.

I discovered yet another affair. I've honestly lost count, but I think this was number six or seven. The other woman, or rather girl, as she's only 19, sent me photos and screenshots I desperately wish I could unsee. He'd told her he loved her and wanted to marry her immediately.

What made this one spectacularly bad for some reason was the financial on top of the physical and emotional cheating. It turned out he'd been paying her rent while I was paying all our expenses as he said he has some debts to pay off.

Then, within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a condition that will probably leave him severely disabled within a year and is likely to end his life within five. He is likely to have very significant care needs very soon.

I finally found it in myself to end the relationship and have given him until the new year to move out.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm now the awful woman who abandoned a man as soon as he became seriously ill, leaving him with no place to live and no financial support.

To everyone else, he's this charming, kind, jovial man. And yes he genuinely can be all those things. But there's another side to him that they haven't had to live with.

Some of the things people have said to me have been absolutely vicious. I've never felt so hurt or so alone in my life.

I don't even know what my AIBU.

AIBU to think that ending a relationship after years of repeated infidelity doesn't suddenly make me a bad person just because he has become seriously ill at the same time?

Going to a fabulous 40th birthday party in Malaga in December! Stunning venue, no expense spared.

I have no idea what to wear! There’s no dress code, but it will be a fabulous event, so anything goes!

I’m 48, 5ft 3 and a curvy size 10 - help!! I’d love a dress that makes me feel great, but don’t know where to start. Happy with bold colours and equally happy with black. Any idea? Have you seen anything with the wow factor?

thank you!! 🤩

I’m looking for some winter pyjamas. I feel the cold but I’m also sweaty at night, so I want something breathable.
long sleeved, NOT button through, and not a v-neck. I’m a size 18 due to bust, otherwise a 16.

i have three lovely pairs from
Baby Mori, but they’ve stopped doing adult pyjamas and mine are wearing out so I don’t know where to look!
I tried Next but had to send them back as not warm enough (thin cotton).

I see TM has been arrested for possessing incriminating material . I am wondering if his son is still being linked to these crimes.

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, we don't live together, we are in our 40s. Three months ago he quit his job. He had been unhappy in the job for a while, so that was fair enough. He planned to get another job, but instead had the idea to start a business. The "business" that he settled on is 3D printing. I've mentioned a few times that surely this is more of a side hustle, not something that can replace a full time job, but he just told me that he's "sure it's going to work".

First he made dog models, some were OK, some were really tacky and never would have sold. I tried to tell him this politely but he said some people might disagree (they wouldn't have).

Then he abandoned that idea and came up with a new idea that he's been keeping a secret from me. Last night he finally showed me. It's 3D printed characters that kids can paint, and he plans to sell them for £10+, along with t shirts with kids names on them. There are so many issues with this. You can't sell licensed characters, and there's better, cheaper (official) stuff available at the supermarket. Also kids shouldn't wear shirts advertising their names!

Parents wouldn't buy this. I'm a mum so I would know. He doesn't have kids. I tried to say a few nice things, because I know he wants me to support him and he'll be disappointed if I don't. But I want to tell him it's a shit idea, and he's wasted months on.

Tbh I feel like I've lost respect for him. He cannot possibly be this lacking in intelligence to think this is a great idea. He hasn't done any market research, even on me and I'm a mum and right there. What am I supposed to say? Aibu?

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

Lighthearted - we all know every other family apart from our own does it wrong!

Mine are:

• no pigs in blankets
• BOILED veg 🤮
• treating the Christmas cracker like a competition (we are are each person gets their own cracker prize family!)

DH and I going to London this weekend Friday til Sunday for our wedding anniversary. Leaving 2 children 4 and 11 at home with grandparents.
i’m panicking we are going to get caught up in a terror attack or a bloody shooting after what’s happened in Krakow. My anxiety about going is worse at night I don’t know why, possible as I’m distracted during the day. Can anyone give me a slap of reality to calm me down please 🙈 we hardly ever get a break from the children so i’d love to go and enjoy it but i’m just freaking out.

Good morning . My partner and Inare together a year . We’re both in mid fifties and we are both our teen/ adult children’s carers. Our children don’t have a relationship with their other parent, sadly.
my partners 21 year old daughter lives at home with him. We live 30 miles away from one another. She dropped out of uni , had some emotional challenges and works in a local shop. They live rurally and he drops and collects her everywhere as she doesn’t drive.
She is a pleasant girl and is friendly but is enormously self absorbed and goes from one drama To another. Largely , I think due to being rejected by her mother and all that manifests from that.
However, it is becoming increasingly apparent that she controls the household. She has no ambition to leave the shop job and move in with friends, to learn to drive or to gain her wings so to speak. I understand this completely. He is her safe space after years of chaos and rejection from her mother, boyfriends and indeed friends.
He is a wonderful father and adores his daughter but is becoming increasingly frustrated by all the different issues that seem to roll in to one another.
We don’t stay at each others homes overnight out of respect for our children’s space and also our own comfort. This suits me.
However , it is becoming apparent that she gets what she wants. For example, last week, we had an event. His daughter was in crisis .. relationship troubles.. so she spent the day and evening with us which was lovely albeit emotionally full on as she spoke incessantly about her problems.
She was due to stay at a friends but decided last minute she wanted to stay home which I understood , but I then had to go home.
The next day she was upset again so I cam
e and left as she wanted a day with her dad to be comforted , again understandable.
The problem
I have is that despite all of these issues, the support and guidance she receives, she doesn’t take on any advice and the dram continues over and over. He is so stressed and sick of it all but is of course putting her first and centre.
What are your thoughts about this? I’ve never experienced this sort of thing so would like some guidance about how to
proceed. She will often get sick when he has plans made but gets better once he changes his plans to be with her which in retrospect, I’ve only
realised lately.

Is she playing on his guilt and sympathy?
When a friend asked where we were staying after the event and I told him that our plans changed , he immediately said my partners daughters name as if to say his daughter wouldn’t allow it or was the cause of us not being able to stay overnight together .
sorry this is so long . I
am unable to paragraph .

Worse kept secret in history....

It would solve so many problems. The tax revenue lost by not being levied on alcohol sales could be levied on cannabis. It would massively reduce the violence and conflict caused by drunkenness and whilst increased cannabis use would undoubtedly cause some problems, it is far less destructive.

2 months prior, we spent the last 3 years living 10 mins away from MIL. She's nice but very socially isolated and her only 'contacts' are essentially family members. FIL is the silent type and he was retired but has decided to start working again (even though they have enough for retirement).

I've tried multiple times to get her to join local groups or volunteer somewhere but she dismisses everything I say because 'why do I need to meet other people I have my family'.

My r/s with MIL is not easy. She would drop by unannounced all the time despite us telling her to please not to. Once she came over with cake. I was in the bedroom and texted her telling her I was in a meeting. She replied 'oh but I just wanted to have cake with you'. She then told DH that I didn't want her there and that she could stop but she was just trying to be nice.

She wants to join in on EVERYTHING. Sometimes in conversation she'll casually ask what our plans for the weekend were. We'd say we were going to do XYZ. The day before she'll text DH saying she coincidentally has to buy something from the area we were going so could she come along? If we say no she'll play the 'poor me' act and say that she doesn't drive, she's not going to be a bother, she just wants to see us etc.

The whole day then will be dominated by her. 'Just one more thing', 'let me pop into this store for a while', 'x family member said she liked clothes from this shop let's go have a look'. All DH and I's plans derailed because she won't go around without us.

Just a few examples off the top of my head.

Anyway DH and I moved 2+ hours away 2 months ago. We couldn't stand the 90 x 2 minute train commute anymore nor the boredom of a small town so bought a nice apartment centrally! It's a 1-bedroom apartment but as 2 people who don't need much space nor have kids/pets, it was perfect for us.

MIL wants to stay over 2-4 times a month for 1-2 nights each.

DH is sympathetic. He keeps saying that she's happy to sleep on the couch just to see us but that's not the point! I don't want her stuff to accumulate in our house (she's already left her toiletries on 1 out of 3 shelves in our bathroom amongst other things scattered around the house), I don't want her touching and rearranging my things, I don't want her dominating our evenings! DH thinks we should be accommodating as she's getting old and he knows how family is the only important thing to her.

AIBU? It's our home but now it's starting to feel like it's a home for the 3 of us.

As the title. Aibu to think it’s a bit of a joke Jonathan Ross is being slaughtered while Matt Lucas is silent? Surely he would have known and have things to say!

What watch brand do you favour? Any one got any intel on watches these type of young gents wear? To set the scene, they are also wearing black joggers or low slung jeans, Nike sport socks, Nike trainers, a white t shirt preferably Calvin Klein and a gym shark or Nike hoody, Ralph Lauren if they are feeling swish, topped off with a black north face or adidas coat and perhaps a little Nike beanie if
it is sub zero temps or they are unhappy with their hair. Any cool brands to know for a watch?

I'm generally a good cook. I cook from scratch everyday. A really good spag bol eludes me though. Everytime I try it's just fine. Maybe slightly watery, or too sweet, or just lacking in flavour.

I've tried many different recipes and they're never what I want them to be. As a kid, spag bol was an easy dinner that everyone's mum made every week so why can't I make it??

My children 11 & 13 have given me their Christmas lists which consist of 3D printer £300, laptop £400 and daughter wants a Lego set that’s £260 and a phone upgrade…when did life get so expensive! What’s everyone else’s children asking for / getting realistically?