I work for a franchise care company and we have around 10 carers working under Visa sponsorship, some of whom have worked for them for a couple of years.

They've apparently all been told this month that their sponsorship will not be renewed by the company and have been given their notice to leave, I'm not sure exactly how much notice they've been given.

Unsure whether our company will be helping them to find a new sponsor, but I feel bad for them. A couple of days before this I saw on Indeed that they are hiring for multiple carers on a higher rate of pay than existing ones?
I'm not happy with the company so far for other reasons, and so I'm looking for new roles but just find all this a bit odd?

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

Hi all,

Really struggling this year with stocking fillers for my dd. She’s really into anime, drawing, YouTube, manga etc she’s very grunge/emo. Not at all interested in makeup/skin care/nails etc

Any one else’s teen the same, what are you getting them for stocking fillers this year?

I recently had a bad experience on a long-haul flight from British Airways, regarding poor customer service from a couple of the cabin stewards. After patiently putting up with the way that one steward was treating me and my elderly parents for a few hours, I raised my voice and complained to her about her level of customer service, only to then get a telling off from the cabin manager for raising my voice in the cabin- no accountability or apology for my experience at all. In fact I was even made to apologise for raising my voice, as if I was the problem. I have never had such an appalling experience on a flight before.

A quick Google search afterwards revealed that BA had recently made some policy changes as to protect their staff from customers expressing annoyance at them, so it could be that my loud complaint was ‘pounced on’ disproportionately given that the new policy had just come into force. But I am frankly appalled at the treatment I was subject to on board the flight.

I am soon taking the return flight back, and not feeling too keen about this after the poor experience I had on my outbound flight last month. I was going to complain to BA after getting back home, but it would help to know that they want to make things right before my flight home. An upgrade wouldn’t hurt either if they offer this! Has anyone had experience with something like this? Thanks!

Morning!

I'd love to hear thoughts and ideas by my esteemed fellow MNetters.

I don't have a winter coat. I have some raincoats that will do, but I am keen to finally find a nice winter coat.

Thing is, I am short and dumpy with a large menopausal tum. Big thick coats or puffer jackets make me look HUGE. But I don't know what suits me at all. I bought a Burberry trench (second hand) years ago and looked like a mushroom. I love the look of wool/cashmere blends but doubt I want something that thick. I'd like something sophisticated, but I suspect very light weight. I think mid-thigh length as I am only 5 ft 1.

I have googled- I have put the requirements into Chat GPT and I have perused Vinted, but can't find anything that really fits. Budget up to about £150 I guess.

I have always been impressed at the creativity and knowledge of S&B Mnetters so if anyone has a brain wave I'd simply love to hear it.

I bought a secondhand jacket for £150. It arrived and smells of perfume which I hate! I’ve washed it and it still smells.

I’ve been through this once before - I bought a charity shop jacket and found it reeked when I got home I couldn’t tolerate the smell of it. I tried so many remedies including gallons of white vinegar and even vodka! I also stored with activated charcoal and that didn’t work. I ended up spending more than the cost of the jacket and eventually returned it.

This is by far the most I’ve ever spent on clothes on vinted - I usually buy bundles of baby things that are always clean!

Do I have ground to return it? Give a 1* review? I don’t know if I have the energy to try all the remedies again and as it’s cold it’s going to take longer to dry and limit how often I can have a go.

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

Lighthearted - we all know every other family apart from our own does it wrong!

Mine are:

• no pigs in blankets
• BOILED veg 🤮
• treating the Christmas cracker like a competition (we are are each person gets their own cracker prize family!)

New thread

Keeping the conversation going because this is growing arms and legs. This is a follow on to the previous threads (Crunch Time, Docky Wock etc). I hope the contributors will come back to chat.

Fairly recently, Ive realised I dont like these things:

Live albums/song recordings. No matter how much I love the band or song.
Watching dance…especially in a musical
Songs named after women…even I can’t explain that one!
Meals where every mouthful is the same…e.g. pizza

I wouldnt have said these things a year ago I dont think , so it proves TIPU am still getting to know myself in my late 50’s!

Anyone else had a similar epiphany?

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a bit of a hand hold really.

I’m 26 and haven’t yet been for my first smear test. I’ve had some reminders and I’ve also been told I have to go into the GP for a medication review that they usually do over the phone, I am assuming this is so they can try and encourage me to go face to face.

I am absolutely terrified.

I was brought up by a mother who shamed my body and shamed anything to do with “privates” whilst also flouncing around naked herself. As such, I have a really difficult relationship with my body. The idea of a stranger seeing my intimate parts makes me want to die, which I know sounds so dramatic but it genuinely gives me palpitations and a nervous shake to think of.

In addition, I also have a very very low pain tolerance. I’m talking, pulled muscle in my neck brings tears to my eyes, level. So I am terrified that it will hurt. I know that they don’t provide any kind of painkillers or numbing for it and that terrifies me. I’m scared that it will hurt and i’ll be told I’m being stupid and they won’t stop.

I’ve seen so many horror stories online of women saying how awful and painful it is, and then it makes me doubt the ones saying it’s fine as them trying to minimise it!

I KNOW that having cancer is far far worse than the smear but I just really can’t get past these points and do it.

i was really hoping that the roll out of the home tests might mean I could do that but I’ve since read that they’re only for 30+ so would be ages before I qualify.

I’m just looking for some reassurance, someone to walk me through it maybe or explain how bad it truly is. I’d almost prefer to go in knowing “it’s going to really hurt” than be lied to and say it’s fine.

For a bit of additional context, my grandmother had a hysterectomy at the same time as having my mum due to complications, so never had a smear. So there isn’t anyone I can ask for personal experience other than my mother herself which I will not be doing

I have to be a bit cryptic here and I apologise for that.

I didn’t plan to be raising two children alone. All the support people insist exists doesn’t. If is just hard and relentless and miserable.

for some reason approx 6 years ago my parents decided to stop all gifts for birthday Easter and Christmas. They said they just didn’t have the money to do them for the GC. Fine.

Excpet it’s 1. Not true that they can’t afford it and 2. They still buy gifts etc for both my sisters dc???

Everytime I go to see them they openly show me expensive new things, tell me about the cruises and holidays booked and talk finances (positively) then in the same visit they’ll say they have no money so sorry there’s no cake to have with coffee and reiterate that’s why they don’t do gifts anymore???

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked ? When I asked them about it all they said they would not be speaking to me anymore as I was ‘money grabbing’ ? They haven’t spoken to me for 3 months now.

We hadn’t fallen out prior to this I genuinely believed when they first started this that they had just decided no more gifts ? I have 2 dc, my sisters have 6 between them.

I hope I’m not imagining it, but I can’t find any trace of it through advanced search!

OP was a gay man whose boyfriend’s brother and SIL had invited them over for “Christmas food” a few days before Christmas itself. He went expecting an actual Christmas dinner (turkey and so on) but they were actually serving party nibbles (so Christmas party food rather than the strict definition of Christmas food, if there is one).

He actually confronted them and got into an argument about it - I think there might have even been tears! - and declared that they’d basically conned him by saying they would be serving Christmas food. It ended up with the brother not speaking to the boyfriend, OP and boyfriend falling out…

Tell me I didn’t dream it!!

I am currently on £87,500 as a family partner in a law firm in the regions. I’m not a head of department.

I’ve been offered £100k for a head of department role at a smaller firm. I’ve been a hod before.

I feel I am struggling financially having been through divorce etc and have a young son. This additional £600 will help with paying off credit cards and give me a chance to move to a larger place.

My target Is too high where I am and despite constantly being one of the highest billers and exceeding my target by £20k I was given a below inflation pay rise and a bonus of £350 gross. Without going for equity which is stressful in its own right I can’t see my pay increasing significantly and I have no control over that.

I am gutted as I love my firm despite the high targets and I have no interest in title etc but I feel it would be mad to walk away from an extra £600 net a month, in my circumstances.

Thoughts?

I've been with my husband for five years. He has two children from his previous marriage and we welcomed our baby together in August.

Ever since we announced I was pregnant,his ex has been noticeably upset about the situation. I do understand that it might have been an adjustment for her, but equally, we weren't having a baby to upset anyone. It was simply the natural progression of our relationship and something we wanted together. I’m not getting any younger, I’m in my late 30s, we plan to have another child but again I am in my late 30s so not sure about that. I think 5 years with someone is enough to have a child. We’ve bought a house together, we’ve had time and believe it was part of being together and having a child was something we both wanted.

The thing is, the children absolutely adore the baby. They always want to see their dad, spend time at our house and be involved in family life here. I have always made an effort to makethem feel welcomeand included. They have their own bedrooms, their own belongings and their own space here. This is their home too.

I actually thought it would be a positive thingfor their mum that I have a good relationshipwith herchildren. Surely it's better that they feel comfortable and happy in their dad's home,rather than feeling like visitors or outsiders?

I would never try to replace their mum, and I have no desire to interfere with her relationship with them.But I also don't think we should have to make our family smaller or pretend the baby doesn't exist to make her feel more comfortable.

My husband is still their dad, they are still very much part of his life, and now they have a little brother s too.

AIBU to think she needs to accept that this is the reality now and that the children having another happy, loving home to go to is a good thing? Or am I being naive how difficult this must be for her?

His children are old enough to form their own opinions and decide if they want a relationship with their sibling and they’ve chosen to have a relationship. Surely that is a good thing.

This is taking up too much room in my head.

I’ve asked and they said they will eat around not to make a fuss just for them!

I’m going to have to make a little fuss otherwise they’ll be having a very dry plate of veggies and stuffing balls.

Will practice doing roast potatoes in olive oil and ditch the animal fat ones so we’ll all have those, no fuss.

Gravy needs to be special just for them - do I make this using fish stock, I’m not convinced it goes with sage & onion and cranberry sauce. I know the guest loves my homemade cranberry. Would veggie stock be better? Am overseas so can’t guarantee I can get a tub of pescatarian suitable ready made gravy.

Then I feel bad our guest will be eating only side dishes. Poaching or pan frying a fillet of fish is no trouble really. Not sure it will go with gravy thinking a herb or wine sauce may be better? Fish encroute could go only the guest dislikes pastry so that’s out.

Then I think I should add other vegetable sides that better go with fish? We usually have roast potatoes, honey roast parsnips, roast onions, carrot swede mash, boiled sprouts, carrots, baby potatoes, sage &onion stuffing balls and cranberry sauce. Also tempeh but guest dislikes texture so won’t have.

Then I think our guest will be uncomfortable that we’ve made too much fuss even though it’s not really a fuss and I should stick with olive oil roasted spuds and a pescatarian suitable gravy.

And around it goes in my head. Please make it stop, someone tell me what to do and then I don’t need to think about it until nearer the time.

With so much negativity I keep seeing post after post, I would like to hear today some happy tales and what is making you content today from the small and the big…

Reasons why I love my (very uneventful) life today:

1. We are healthy, some aches and pains but both coming into our 40s in good fitness and health getting out once a day for a hike / run / gym.
2. Our adhd possible auadhd 5.5 year old is excelling. Behaviour has majorly improved since September. He’s happy healthy, loving life, has friends, tantrums are near to none now, and sleeping fantastically.
3. My external family are all well and fine.
4. We bought a lovely rustic home in January with the most gorgeous views and such lovely features.
5. It’s a beautiful autumn day, bright low sun, orange leaves, we went on a lovely family walk to a waterfall today
6. We’re now enjoying a bottle of red, cooking a homemade lasaña, DC watching an Disney movie, and dogs all asleep in front of a fireplace after a nice walk.
7. I’m finally on hormone blockers (36yrs) and adback HRT for PMDD and I think I’ve found the solution to finally end all the depression/anger in my life.

I saw a friend a couple of hours ago shopping who was just sad, I felt so bad for him, sad about his car (didn’t pass MOT), sad about his job, and I just wanted to hug some sunshine into him because if only he looked outside the small picture and saw the beautiful free sun, woodlands, tv time under a blanket, fireplace, dogs happy, rent cheap, his health in check, instead of car/ job anxiety (he isn’t losing the job, he’s just unhappy at it), he’d be able to smile.

It’s not to say we don’t have anxiety about the future: the economy, whether we’ll ever get rid of our rustic brown and orange kitchen, whether my business will continue in an up-direction, whether our current great mortgage rate won’t double in 4 years when it ends, whether our DC will be as happy as he is in his beautiful 5 year state, but today and today only as now is when we are are living not yesterday and not tomorrow, it’s an amazing day in a regular human life.

Can we try to keep this lighthearted as I know some people can pretty savage on this site.
I was on the bus earlier today and I overheard a conversation between 2 ladies about thier Christmas shopping they needed to get. One said she needed to get wrapping paper and another said she doesn’t wrap presents but uses gift bags instead, how it’s saves so much time etc. Now don’t get me wrong obviously everyone’s situation is different but for me gift bags are so anti climactic. For me opening presents isn’t even really about the actual present it’s the anticipation of what’s underneath the paper as your opening it. I couldn’t imagine giving my kids or anyone for that matter, an unwrapped gift. To watch kids faces opening thier present on birthdays or Christmas makes me feel excited for them, even if I know what’s under it.

People not letting thier kids help decorate the tree, this leaves a bitter taste, trust me, as someone whose dad would change the tree around after we went to bed and thought we never noticed. It’s actually a bit soul destroying.

I often see on social media people absolutely ripping into people about how much they do and don’t spend. Christmas isn’t a competition. You do what suits your family. You don’t have to break the bank but equally people should be free to spend whatever they want on thier friends and family. I’m not sorry my kids get more than thier friends. I work hard for my money. I’ll spend it how I want, on who I want.

I have recently had some talking therapy and it has made me think again about my mother's behaviour when I was a child. I hadn't thought of it for years but now that I have again I am becoming increasingly annoyed and upset with her as I feel it might have been abusive. But I just don't know.

When I was growing up, it was just her and me. My dad left when I was 6, and we moved into a small flat with one bedroom. My mum made huge sacrifices for me, including sleeping on a sofa bed most nights for over ten years and working two jobs to keep food on the table.

But the more I think about her behaviour sometimes, the more I worry that there was a sexual element that I either didn't realise at the time or wanted to ignore. Examples are as follows:

• She kept what I now know was a vibrator in the bedside drawer in my room (the only bedroom). I can't remember when I realised what it was, but I was told not to touch them and that they were for grown ups, and I do remember knowing what it was at some point.
• She kept a pair of VHS videos in the sock drawer (this was the mid 90s). When I was old enough to be left at home alone I watched them out of curiosity, and discovered that they were porn. This was my first exposure to anything like that, and I think as a result I had an unhealthy relationship with porn in my teens.
• She was naked round the flat a lot. At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I wonder why that was. Sometimes she slept in my bed with me whilst naked, and although I must stress that I can remember absolutely no sexual physical contact on these occasions, why would she do that?? She also didn't respect my privacy in this regard at all, and would often come into the bathroom when I was using it, well into my teens when I was not a little girl any more.

My mum has always been a great mum. And I remember nothing that you would say was actual acts of abuse. But the more I think of it the more confused I become about why she would have exposed me to these things and behaved in this way. I don't know what to do about it. Should I mention it to mum? I get that she was an adult and I get that we lived in a tiny flat. But why did she not hide things more? And the nudity thing bothers me too now. It's a fine line between having no body shame (fine) and being inappropriately undressed (not fine).

My parents have 3 kids and 4 grandkids together. They live (separately) in the same town. They were married for 5 years in the 1980s. However, they haven’t spoken to each other since the 90s.

Growing up, this was hard. As an adult, it’s a problem that I could do without. Every family event has to revolve around keeping them apart.

Can anyone else relate to this? How do you navigate it?

We are expecting our second little boy and our favourite name is Lysander. What do people think of Lysander?

Mid-fifties, just through menopause, put on 5kg all around my (non existent) waist this year and now am a size 14, hair is rapidly thinning.....just feel completely lost. I usually love autumnal clothes but I have just gone through my wardrobe and once I got rid of everything broken, stained or tight, I seem to be left with nothing that works together. Any suggestions for key items that I could buy (is M & S cashmere any good??) to look a bit more stylish? Other problem is I keep on defaulting to trainers as I have painful feet and walk a lot but it looks scruffy! Any suggestions or ideas of stylists to follow gratefully received!

I’m furious, so so furious.
My rapist stood trial 2 years ago and was found not guilty. The rape myths chucked at Russell Brands victims by his defense were also used on me. What I was wearing, that I gave in and didn’t attempt to run, didn’t scream loud enough, went back to work and behaved‘normally’ 2 days later etc etc.
There’s all of this talk now of this sort of defense not being allowed in a court room anymore and juries being educated on fight and flight response which is brilliant, it really is, but what about the rest of us??
Am I being selfish, does anyone feel the Same, where’s our justice or apology, is there anything that can be done?
Just to be clear, I’m over the moon that some of the women in this trial got justice and fuck Russell Brand, throw away the key in my opinion but I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed for myself.