DH has a job that averages 20 hours a week. He’s always running out of money beyond the first week of pay. He pays his part of the mortgage and bills but that’s it. I buy food and everything for the house.

I am Dr and working 48 hour weeks. I am drained. I’m on £45k.

our combined incomes have meant we haven’t been able to move out of an area that we both dislike immensely. I have £16k in savings, that he says I should put towards a deposit.

I’ve asked him to increase his hours or find a new job. He says he will but it never materialises. Then he will say things like trust the process, or that he’s getting “paid” in time so he can pursue his “passion”.

His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.

I find it very unattractive that I effectively fund his life and standard of living. Whenever he asks to borrow money I feel physically repulsed. Aibu?

Has anyone else started stashing a few things away in the event of some kind of ‘national emergency’ and if so, what sort of things are you storing?

I’m certainly not going to turn into a prepper but as I have plenty of storage space, I’ve got two big plastic boxes filled with dried goods (rice/pasta etc) and then some tinned stuff. I’ve also stocked up on batteries, candles and matches and I bought a solar charger. And oh, got two 5 litre bottles of water.

The temptation to go a bit nuts and plan for Armageddon is high! 😂😂 But I’m being sensible and just having enough for the basics to keep us going for about a week. I’m also cycling through the food so it doesn’t get wasted - use a tin of beans and then replace it etc.

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

Hi everyone,

my adult son (30) and his wife have money issues and I’m so worried. They have professional jobs and a good income however they’ve fallen into credit card and loan debt.

I’ve now learned that they owe £47k in Loans and credit cards. I just can’t believe that can be true? How is that even possible?

I’ve name changed for this and I’m deliberately leaving it vague to avoid being outing.

I have worked in my public sector job for just over a year. I’ve bedded in and worked between multiple different departments in that time.

I’ve recently been given what is essentially control of the smallest department. I’ve been doing this for a few weeks and it’s not really a full time job. I can work at it for one day a week and it would be done. I feel I could work in at least one more department and still be fine.

I’ve raised this to my manager who completely agrees with me and raised it to our big manager.

The big manager is fuming. My concern is that if jobs were to be cut mine would be the first to go because of how small my role is. I’ve heard her talking all morning, in earshot of me, pretty unhappy that I’ve raised this. She’s agreed to meet with me but now im terrified.

AIBU to think raising this wasn’t actually an issue?!

I’m looking for advice.

my DC will not let me brush his teeth every night without me literally now feeling like I may hurt him with the fight he puts up. I cannot stop his arms pushing me away he tosses and turns his head then clamps his teeth shut. If I do eventually force it in it lasts maybe 10 seconds max. This has happened every night since he turned one and it’s getting worse. My concern is that if we continue pinning him down and restraining him, et cetera is he going to become traumatised by brushing his teeth and then it’s going to become a lifelong issue for him? I don’t know I’ve never had a child before, please tell me someone else has had this situation. What did you do? I have tried cartoons that talk about bad teeth I’ve bought books I have listened to toothbrushing songs I try and get him to watch the telly when we do it. I have tried everything and I’m not sure where to go from here. Do I just continue to literally almost feel like I am fighting him or just let his teeth rot seriously I am concerned about this.

I’m between jobs at the moment and have decided to use some of the time to basically snag my own house.

I’m going through every room and making a note of all the little things that have mildly irritated me for YEARS, but which I’ve somehow just accepted as part of life. You know the sort of thing - not actual problems, just things you regularly curse under your breath and then continue living with for another five years.

So far I have:

1. Ruthlessly slimmed down the kitchen cupboards so I could lose one cupboard and fit a tumble dryer. Every winter I normally spend approximately 46% of my waking hours hanging damp clothes around the house and rotating them like prize livestock, so I’m disproportionately excited about this.

2. Reorganised the Tupperware so every container now lives WITH ITS OWN LID. No more rummaging through 17 lids while slowly losing the will to live.

3. Thrown out about 12 random, ancient, slightly raggedy towels that had been granted permanent residency in the airing cupboard. It now has SPACE. Things are FOLDED.

4. Replaced the sieve that hasn’t had a handle since approximately 2020. Why did I just... live like that?

5. Put bigger shoe storage by the door, so we no longer have the traditional hallway shoe landslide.

6. Rewired a switch so it finally works the way you instinctively expect it to work rather than requiring a tiny moment of irritation every single time.

Honestly, none of this is exactly world peace, but the cumulative improvement to my quality of life is ridiculous. I keep thinking, WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS FOR SO LONG?

So humour me: what tiny, boring, seemingly insignificant thing have you changed/fixed/bought/reorganised in your house that has made you disproportionately happy?

I want the really mundane ones. The things nobody is putting on Grand Designs but which have genuinely made your day-to-day life better.

Basically, tell me what else I should be wandering around my house looking for 😂

Looking at the M&S size guide, it looks like I may have gone up a size! So I started checking out some other size guides and the same thing applies. I have always been a size 8, with a waist of 68 cm. But now it look like I am a size 10, except that my hips are nowhere near a size 10.

Have sizes actually changed or do the size guides not actually reflect the clothes in reality?

I'm posting for some advice or suggestions on how to best manage our finances.

Married, 2 kids each from previous relationships, none together.

His eldest is 18 and an apprentice on £18k. My eldest is 19 and also an apprentice on a similar wage. The other 2 are teenagers in school. We live with mine and he sees his occasionally. Nothing fixed now they're older and are out with friends all the time. Open visiting at our house, which they both do when they want to (live local).

We earn roughly the same. I get CM from my ex and he pays CM to his ex (similar amounts).

Currently sharing everything. Income and bills/outgoings all treated as joint. We have a bills account and joint current account. We always seem to be overdrawn each month even though we earn decent amounts (£90k joint) and have a low mortgage (£500) and no childcare etc

I'm get annoyed with him still sending money to his eldest in the region of £170 a month as she always spends her wages and begs for more for takeaways, clothes, nights out, petrol etc. She doesn't pay board to her mum. I don't give my eldest a penny. He pays £200 a month board towards bills and groceries and buys all his own things after that and runs a car. DH also likes buying more gadgets and clothes than me and doesn't seem to have a good awareness of budgeting.

So, I'm looking for a new way of splitting things. What would others do in these circumstances?

Backstory, I have a close friend, let's call her Abbie Scott for ease. We exchange WhatsApps daily, general chatter, have a great day etc. DH also kniws her well, they got on brilliantly, to the extent we are all planning a big holiday together next year.

Saturday morning DH has my phone as he's using it to post stuff on Vinted. Message comes through from Abbie, good morning, happy weekend etc. DH replies with 'good morning Scottseroonie' or similar daft appropriation of her surname.

I follow up with 'sorry that was DH' laughing faces and then a typical reply and mention that today is rough as I'm taking the youngest to uni. We have talked about this at length over the last few months and she knows I have been really struggling with the idea of an empty nest and has expressed sympathy.

I don't get a reply for 6 hours, a reply then comes through just as I have got in the car after dropping DS off, so accept I was pretty emotional, but I was genuinely stunned by this reaction...

'Not funny. Please do not use my surname in this way. It landed badly ChasingMars'

A few minutes later another message saying..

'I hope DS got there ok and settling in'.

Which felt like an afterthought.

I replied with an apology and said DS was fine but I was struggling.

No replyintil the following day when she sent 'I hope today is a better day for you'.

AIBU to think this is both a bizarre reaction and completely insensitive timing??? And that I should expect better from a really close friend when I'm going through something really tough for me?

I’m feeling very low at the moment and have nobody in ‘real life’ that I feel able to confide in, for obvious reasons given the nature of what I’m about to disclose. Sorry for the long post, I need to get it all off my chest.

I’ve been married for 5 years and we have young children. Up until a year ago, it was a very happy marriage and I can say hand on heart that I had never so much as flirted with another man. Our life together has always been cosy, safe and content. Nothing was missing.

Then another man (a parent at the school our children attend) started showing an interest in me. I was surprised at first, being only a few months post partum and not feeling particularly attractive. I also had no interest in him and quite honestly he gave me the ‘ick’ as I knew that he too was married with young children, yet was flirting with me and very obviously trying to test the waters. I thought to myself what a scumbag he was and even told my husband about it!

This went on for a couple of months. Gradually (and looking back, inexplicably) I found myself warming to him. He was so charming, funny and we got on so well. I started looking forward to seeing him around school and receiving messages from him. One thing led to another and we started meeting up for drinks, coffees before it eventually turned physical and we slept together.

Shortly after it turned physical, his behaviour changed and he started withdrawing from me. Not messaging as much, less warm. Then he would suddenly get back in touch and be as warm and flirtatious as ever, like nothing had happened. By this time I was completely hooked on him. The uncertainty and confusion seemed to make me want him more than I ever had before, which makes no sense as it also made me horribly miserable.

This cycle of warmth and distance went on for a number of months, without anything physical happening. Then one day I confronted him about how he was making me feel and it seemed to really take him by surprise. He became emotional and said he had withdrawn because he felt scared and guilty about what we had done. Said he had real feelings for me. We kissed, and more, and it felt so much deeper this time.

Then he withdrew again - physically - but this time he kept communicating with me and said the guilt of the physical affair was too much for him. He said he didn’t want to lose our emotional connection as he had realised he loved me. This triggered yet more confusion and hurt on my side. I felt rejected and couldn’t understand why he was okay with the ‘emotional’ affair if he was suddenly so concerned with the immorality of it all.

He continues to message me, calls me babe and gorgeous, tells me he’s thinking of me, wants to see me, all that stuff but without the sex.

Meanwhile my husband has no idea about any of this and I am wracked with guilt along with the realisation that if I confess, I will implode his life and our children’s lives. I recognise that I am utterly selfish and have behaved appallingly. Yet somehow, I continue to be completely obsessed with and plagued by thoughts of this man. Every time he contacts me, my heart leaps and it’s like a ‘quick fix’ despite knowing that within a few hours I will feel shit again. I feel like I am head over heels in love with him but a part of me can also see how absurd and foolish this is.

I don’t know what to do, as I don’t want to destroy his family or mine, but my husband deserves to know what a piece of shit he married, and I feel like I will never be happy again, to the point that suicide feels like the only way out at the moment.

I’ve come back from my holiday and done the laundry and vacuumed packed my summer clothes. I wouldn’t say I buy clothes that often but I’ve brought out my winter stuff and I am OVERWHELMED by the amount of things I own and I don’t even like most of it!!

Any advice on how to streamline this?

It’s nearly a year since DS passed his driving test.

His first year insurance was fully comprehensive with a black box and cost £960.

We’ve just had his renewal through and it’s down to £405.

His black box score has been in the 80’s and above, so it seems that it really is a good idea to have one providing they keep their score up high.

Hopefully this gives hope to those getting quotes for the first year of driving that it doesn’t stay high forever.

I've just found out my daughter is 7 weeks pregnant, she wants to keep the baby as she has Endometriosis which can affect her fertility.
This pregnancy was unplanned and she lives at home with me and her dad, we both work and own our own home and never claimed a benefit in our life.

We have no idea what she is entitled to benefits wise as a single mum and I'm hoping you can put me in the right direction.

Also, do we need to go to the doctors first to get proof that she is pregnant? Please help we have no idea

I’ve got a joie 360 for my first two kids and now having a third, I was thinking to get a maxi cosi pebble mainly for the sake of if they are sleeping, they can continue to sleep? However just wanted to check with people who has those car seat whether it’s true they will continue to sleep when transferred in and out of car?

I honestly dont know where to start with this because its been one thing after another with DS and Ive been fighting for support for what feels like forever and getting absolutely nowhere

DS is 14. Yesterday he had a suicide attempt and DP took him to hospital. Hes home now and Im just completely beside myself because it feels like hes been sent back to us as if nothing has happened and were somehow supposed to know what to do next

He has been self harming for quite a while as well. He was referred to CAMHS last year and we had the initial appointment and then basically nothing happened afterwards. School have also made referrals and Ive had meeting after meeting with them. Every time theres another meeting another person saying theyre going to look into something or put something in place and then nothing actually changes. They are now talking about fines because of his attendance which honestly makes me want to scream

Weve been asking for help from everyone I can think of. School GP CAMHS everyone. And I know nobody can magically fix a 14 year old but I genuinely thought there would be something more than us constantly being told to wait or having another meeting

Things have got worse over the last year. We moved house recently and hes been hanging around with some boys who live nearby and smoking weed with them. Hes been smoking it for months. We knew about it but havent been able to stop it. In the summer he was arrested after being found in possession of drugs. They wanted information from him about who had given them to him and he wouldnt tell them. Weve had the police involved school involved CAMHS involved and still somehow ended up here

Ovssd the summer he also ended up in hospital after getting really drunk. Hed taken alcohol from home without us knowing to try and impress the boys. I dont even know what to say anymore because its just one thing after another and weve been saying for ages that something isnt right

A CAMHS worker came to see him in hospital this morning. DP said they asked him to leave so they could speak to DS alone but DS said no so DP stayed. From what hes told me they didnt seem very thorough. They asked DS why he did it and DS just shrugged. Thats basically what happened. I know I wasnt there and maybe Im missing something but it just doesnt feel like enough to me

Now hes home. DP has taken his phone off him because hes worried about what hes looking at and who hes talking to. DS is obviously furious about that and has barely spoken to us. DP thinks we need to keep everything calm and not start throwing questions at him. I know hes probably right but Im so angry and frightened that I dont know how to switch that off

And before anyone says it yes I know the weed the other drugs alcohol school and his friends are all issues. Im not pretending they arent. But Ive been trying to get help for him before any of this got to this point. Thats the bit thats making me so angry. Ive been asking for help and going to meetings and making calls and doing everything Im told to do and now were here anyway

I just dont understand how we can have a child who has self harmed been referred to CAMHS had school referrals been arrested over drugs ended up in hospital drunk and now had a suicide attempt and still be basically left to sort it out ourselves

What am I actually supposed to be asking for here because Im exhausted and DS is back home and Im terrified of getting it wrong again. I keep thinking I should have done more but I dont even know what more I could have done

I’m early 40s, 5ft 5, size 8-10 (trying to lose a stone as feeling not great about my body) and I have about £1,500 to spend. I’m ok for shoes I think - have a mix of trainers and boots and a pair of ‘nice’ shoes if needed.
My hair isn’t so great so I could probably do something with that ideally.
What are the best things to invest in? My issue is I only really like very casual stuff and I can’t always wear very casual stuff.
I feel like I’m a sort of in between age and in between size and nothing looks very nice.

Hi all.

Have just been the GP for preconception ‘advice’ as my daughter is 13 months old and I haven’t had my cycle return since giving birth.

He told me it’s lactation amenorrhea and pulled this up on google. He said the only thing I can do is stop breastfeeding.

I don’t want to stop feeding yet, any advice please? 🙏

My Sister is getting married next year abroad in Morocco. I am due to give birth to my 2nd child about 8 weeks before. Our other child is 3yo.

Do you think it would be completely mad of us to go to the wedding with an 8 week old baby who’s only just had their first set of vaccinations?

Then there’s the whole fact we probably will be generally very sleep deprived too.

DH thinks we should just miss it and avoid the stress. I do obviously want to go but maybe it would be too much?

YABU - go to the wedding (with newborn, 3yo and DH)

YANBU - you should stay at home and miss the wedding.

Just something that dh said recently about a family member. Family member is mid 20s, University educated, but is now working in a practical craft type job. Partner's parent are both solicitors. Nice lifestyle, exotic holidays, own property. Family members family worked in schools and social care, working class Both families love their child's partner. Parents all get on well too.
DH said, "Partner's parents must be a little disappointed that he isnt marrying someone who comes from money." I feel the intimation was that they would worry shes a gold digger (she isnt) and if they split she would go after his inherited family assets. There's no kids involved. They are absolutely besotted with each other, they pool expenses equitably. I (maybe naively) think they look beyond money to the lovely young woman she is and aren't disappointed at all. Maybe dh is worried that she is maybe out of her depth. Interested in people's experiences from both sides.

I am curious to learn from others’ mistakes. What have you bought that you look at now and think - WTF was I thinking?

I am not talking about clothes that don’t fit you anymore or that have gone out of fashion like skinny jeans.

Over and after pandemic I had a bit of style reset and focussed on buying better, not chase sales and learning about good fit and composition. I have consumed a lot of content about capsule wardrobes and French women style rules, which appealed to my minimalist mindset, I get easily overwhelmed by variety.

Where I went wrong big time was buying too many expensive black items (worst colour on me), thinking they will be my forever pieces. I have kept my black coats (I can break up the colour with tops and scarves) and leather skirt, but sold on silk shirt, satin skirt and jumper. Same with camel / tan, it’s just not me.

My other mistake is compromising on something because I just loved the idea, or felt desperate to close the gap and kept it when I should have returned. This is mainly shoes too painful to wear, or a navy blazer that fitted perfectly but looked like something from 6th Form, or a great cropped jacket but in the wrong colour.

Posting to see if anyone else has been in the same position, for context we are both married and in late 40’s with adult/older teen dc.

We have known each other through our children being friends for over 6;years now and our lives overlap a fair bit naturally, although less so now the kids are older.

We used to meet up as friends for drinks or walks regularly a few years ago a few times a week when our kids were doing training for their sport, sometimes in a group, sometimes 1-1 but purely platonically.

There has never been anything physical or anything inappropriate like flirting. About 4 years ago I started sensing a mutual attraction/charged atmosphere when we met up 1-1 although nothing was ever communicated or discussed.

After this I backed off from 1-1 meetings and kept it mainly group settings and everything settled down. Before this, we talked a lot about our upbringings, uni, careers etc and actually had a huge amount in common and just seemed very comfortable in each others company, like we’d known each other for years and I just found him enjoyable company. We did have slightly deeper chats sometimes about childhood stuff which I stopped when I backed off.

i would be lying if I said I didn’t find him attractive physically, but the personality compatibility was the main pull and he became one of my closest friends. When I backed off I did miss him, but that feeling settled down.

Fast forward a couple of years and our paths have crossed again over the summer. A few times instigated by him, a few coincidentally. It is mainly through the shared sport but also as my husband is friends with him, so impossible to avoid. We have met up this time mainly in family groups (not 1-1) about 5-6 times. He seems keen to meet up and possibly a bit lonely.

The chemistry is back with a vengeance, I have no idea if it’s mutual or all in my head, but we keep catching each other’s eyes and it makes me feel weird. He is very chatty and smiley to me but nothing inappropriate. My feelings are mostly linked to his body language and eye contact, but also the way the conversation steers towards little things we have talked about in the past, which I’m amazed he’s remembered.

it is occupying a lot of my time, and driving me a bit crazy trying to make sense of if there is mutual attraction or if I am imagining the whole thing. I have no idea what to do about it, obviously I can’t just ask him and I can’t step back any more!

But maybe someone else can! These are original and mainly really lovely antique travel posters (though some are, er, a little dated).

https://antikbar.co.uk/

Still interested, still not bored!

I’m very seriously considering getting a kitten.

I have a fourteen year old cat already and a dog, it won’t be a problem to keep kitten and dog seperated when unsupervised as I already have the set up for my girl currently.

Would be interested to hear the downsides/ things I may not have considered about a new addition as I’m pretty wrapped up in the positives of a playful kitten.

Also how long can kittens be left alone? If I go to work is that going to be a big problem?