DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

Welcome back everyone. New thread just in time for Black Friday.

How is everyone's self restraint looking? 😂😂😂

Fingers crossed for some good bargains this year especially all those advents that haven't sold out. We've probably bought some of those already but let's ignore that.

Happy bargain hunting. 😍

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

Me

Anyone following Owain’s Children In Need biking challenge? He doesn’t seem to be bringing in the donations that we have seen in previous years. He’s obviously working hard and out in all weathers, up some long steep hills, bits of him are hurting, it can’t be an easy challenge, but he’s only on £278k the last update I heard. I am sure Sara Cox was on much more by day 2 and of course raised a staggering 11 million in total once everything has been counted. Is it that people just cannot afford to donate in our current cost of living crisis (completely understandable) or is he not such a well known/liked character? I hope he’s not feeling too down about it.

2 months prior, we spent the last 3 years living 10 mins away from MIL. She's nice but very socially isolated and her only 'contacts' are essentially family members. FIL is the silent type and he was retired but has decided to start working again (even though they have enough for retirement).

I've tried multiple times to get her to join local groups or volunteer somewhere but she dismisses everything I say because 'why do I need to meet other people I have my family'.

My r/s with MIL is not easy. She would drop by unannounced all the time despite us telling her to please not to. Once she came over with cake. I was in the bedroom and texted her telling her I was in a meeting. She replied 'oh but I just wanted to have cake with you'. She then told DH that I didn't want her there and that she could stop but she was just trying to be nice.

She wants to join in on EVERYTHING. Sometimes in conversation she'll casually ask what our plans for the weekend were. We'd say we were going to do XYZ. The day before she'll text DH saying she coincidentally has to buy something from the area we were going so could she come along? If we say no she'll play the 'poor me' act and say that she doesn't drive, she's not going to be a bother, she just wants to see us etc.

The whole day then will be dominated by her. 'Just one more thing', 'let me pop into this store for a while', 'x family member said she liked clothes from this shop let's go have a look'. All DH and I's plans derailed because she won't go around without us.

Just a few examples off the top of my head.

Anyway DH and I moved 2+ hours away 2 months ago. We couldn't stand the 90 x 2 minute train commute anymore nor the boredom of a small town so bought a nice apartment centrally! It's a 1-bedroom apartment but as 2 people who don't need much space nor have kids/pets, it was perfect for us.

MIL wants to stay over 2-4 times a month for 1-2 nights each.

DH is sympathetic. He keeps saying that she's happy to sleep on the couch just to see us but that's not the point! I don't want her stuff to accumulate in our house (she's already left her toiletries on 1 out of 3 shelves in our bathroom amongst other things scattered around the house), I don't want her touching and rearranging my things, I don't want her dominating our evenings! DH thinks we should be accommodating as she's getting old and he knows how family is the only important thing to her.

AIBU? It's our home but now it's starting to feel like it's a home for the 3 of us.

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

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A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

1. A penny farthing sitting on a landing of a mansion.

2. Lots of tiny feathers on the stairs of someone's house who didn't own a bird and in the same house I think they had a secret lodger as every time I went to the loo I heard footsteps run from one room to the next upstairs. I never mentioned either!

I’m looking for some objective perspective because I am in a flux.
A few years ago, we bought our family home. I put down 100% of the deposit from my own savings/funds, and my husband contributed nothing towards the purchase at the time. My contribution was put in trust.
Soon after, he received a substantial inheritance. The agreement was that this money was earmarked for developing and extending the property, which would build equity for our family and improve our living space.
We recently made concrete plans to get the building work underway. It was only when I asked for funds to pay for initial works that the truth came out. The money is gone. He has spent the entire inheritance and yet there is nothing to show for it. He has actively hidden this from me and lying about the money still being there whenever the subject of the house project came up. He has no clear explanation for where hundreds of thousands of pounds went, other than general mismanagement. He has also run up substantial debts and now cannot afford to contribute to the household management.
The level of deceit and financial betrayal has completely shattered my trust in him.
Because of the systematic lying, I have asked him move out of the family home so I can figure out my next steps.
He thinks I’m overreacting, throwing away a marriage over money, and being cold-hearted.
So, AIBU?
YANBU He lied for years and blew a life-changing sum of money. (we could now be mortage free!) The trust is gone.YABU – You shouldn't kick him out of the family home; try counselling first.

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Hello! Just wanting someone’s opinion on this and if anyone asks yes I have contacted the police and they said it wasn’t a crime nothing they can do! Around half 6 this evening I took my self and my 3 year old for a walk to the shop it’s a 10 min walk up a lit busyish road not a bad area either by the way. There was a man walking quite far up from us walking in front. Anyway as he disappeared I come up to this bush area where there’s a wall a man dressed chavvy comes out of it walking in front of us, almost swaying around I got that uncomfortable feeling he turns around and is wearing a balaclava stood still he puts his hand out for me and my son to walk past i kind of froze for a second and stupidly did I can’t forgive my self for it . He was then walking behind us for a couple of seconds I felt incredibly uncomfortable I stopped and pretended to get something out the pram he then stops (not a small path) he could have walked past us as I’ve stopped and he’s stopped a car that was parked comes over and pulls up and communicates to this man some way not by voices but you know looking at each other luckily there was an oldish gentleman walking his dog a bit further up I ran to him but it all just feels like a blur. Am I been dramatic or does this seem like it was something ? I just can’t forgive my self for going in the first place , actually waking in front of him and all sorts of scenarios are going through my head .

Good morning . My partner and Inare together a year . We’re both in mid fifties and we are both our teen/ adult children’s carers. Our children don’t have a relationship with their other parent, sadly.
my partners 21 year old daughter lives at home with him. We live 30 miles away from one another. She dropped out of uni , had some emotional challenges and works in a local shop. They live rurally and he drops and collects her everywhere as she doesn’t drive.
She is a pleasant girl and is friendly but is enormously self absorbed and goes from one drama To another. Largely , I think due to being rejected by her mother and all that manifests from that.
However, it is becoming increasingly apparent that she controls the household. She has no ambition to leave the shop job and move in with friends, to learn to drive or to gain her wings so to speak. I understand this completely. He is her safe space after years of chaos and rejection from her mother, boyfriends and indeed friends.
He is a wonderful father and adores his daughter but is becoming increasingly frustrated by all the different issues that seem to roll in to one another.
We don’t stay at each others homes overnight out of respect for our children’s space and also our own comfort. This suits me.
However , it is becoming apparent that she gets what she wants. For example, last week, we had an event. His daughter was in crisis .. relationship troubles.. so she spent the day and evening with us which was lovely albeit emotionally full on as she spoke incessantly about her problems.
She was due to stay at a friends but decided last minute she wanted to stay home which I understood , but I then had to go home.
The next day she was upset again so I cam
e and left as she wanted a day with her dad to be comforted , again understandable.
The problem
I have is that despite all of these issues, the support and guidance she receives, she doesn’t take on any advice and the dram continues over and over. He is so stressed and sick of it all but is of course putting her first and centre.
What are your thoughts about this? I’ve never experienced this sort of thing so would like some guidance about how to
proceed. She will often get sick when he has plans made but gets better once he changes his plans to be with her which in retrospect, I’ve only
realised lately.

Is she playing on his guilt and sympathy?
When a friend asked where we were staying after the event and I told him that our plans changed , he immediately said my partners daughters name as if to say his daughter wouldn’t allow it or was the cause of us not being able to stay overnight together .
sorry this is so long . I
am unable to paragraph .

I often change into pyjamas when I get home. I find trousers/jeans etc so uncomfortable. But I'm looking for something comfortable that isn't pyjamas and more appropriate for day time wear. Can anyone suggest anything please? (Must be petite sizing as I'm 5ft tall).

We have a relatively chunky Edwardian house. 4 beds, quite a few stairs. Old and creaky. We can’t afford a cleaner, but was thinking about using some money to invest in some products that will make my life easier when trying to keep this place clean.

I’m thinking:

• A cordless stick vacuum to keep on top of the dust on the stairs during the week.
• A robot vacuum to do the downstairs hardwood floor whilst we sleep

Is this overkill? Could I just use the stick vacuum to also go over the floors in the kitchen? What about those electric mop things? Are there any other appliances that would make my life easier and could maybe get in Black Friday, or am I hoping that throwing money at the problem will make up for my basic cleaning laziness??

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

Going to a fabulous 40th birthday party in Malaga in December! Stunning venue, no expense spared.

I have no idea what to wear! There’s no dress code, but it will be a fabulous event, so anything goes!

I’m 48, 5ft 3 and a curvy size 10 - help!! I’d love a dress that makes me feel great, but don’t know where to start. Happy with bold colours and equally happy with black. Any idea? Have you seen anything with the wow factor?

thank you!! 🤩

We’re both in our 30s and have been friends for around 15 years. I have a 1yo son and am a SAHM. My friend doesn’t have children and doesn’t want any for the foreseeable future, if that’s relevant.

Since having my son, he comes pretty much everywhere with me: shopping, errands, meeting friends, museums, restaurants, family visits etc. He’s a fairly calm child and I enjoy having him around. I have plenty of family who could look after him, but unless there’s a reason he can’t come, I generally just take him with me. He’s also happier with me than any other caregiver so I really don’t see a reason to leave him. Obviously, my social life looks a bit different now. I go to fewer bars and fancy restaurants and see friends less often (because long journeys and child-unfriendly venues aren’t always practical), but I’m genuinely not bothered. It’s just a different season of life and I’m enjoying it, probably more than I enjoyed pre baby life.

This friend has seen me 3 times in the last year: once at my house when DS was 2–3 months old, once for a walk in the summer and once at a pub to celebrate a milestone of hers, where I stayed for about an hour with DS asleep in his pram. She recently messaged saying she missed me and asking if we could go for coffee or lunch. I said of course and asked when. She suggested a day and then asked, “Do you have someone to leave DC with?” I was a bit taken aback. Why would I need to arrange childcare for a casual coffee or lunch? If we’re going somewhere child-friendly, I don’t see why he can’t come. Honestly, if it’s just a social catch-up and he can’t come, I’m not particularly keen to go either. I’d obviously make exceptions for things like weddings, funerals or medical appointments, but I don’t feel the need to leave him behind just for the sake of it.

AIBU? Should I make more effort to see friends without my son, or is it reasonable to expect casual daytime meet-ups to accommodate him?

It was probably around 7 or 8 years ago, can't remember what username it was under even, I was complaining about people buying his books for my young ds as I was convinced DW was a complete creep. The video of him stripping a young boy on stage really disturbed me.

The thread went well, lots of people agreed with me. But MN deleted it as it was too 'personal' or something, I assume they had legal threats and had no choice.

Just goes to show the power of the man, and how hard he tried to keep the dodgy behaviour from any kind of conversation!

I don't suppose I was the only one to have a thread deleted.

Something to ponder.

Worse kept secret in history....

I've been in a long-distance relationship for a little over five years. Lately I've found myself questioning whether this relationship is worth continuing.

We are quite different people, and I've increasingly started feeling that I'm somehow the expendable person in this relationship.

There have been recurring issues involving his female friendships. His entire insta is full of women. One particular female friend was a significant source of insecurity for me. They were extremely close, lived in the same building and spent a considerable amount of time together. If I am to give you an example, I was once stressing over my career and we got into an argument and he chose to accompany her for a movie, than sit down and fix things with me. I expressed how uncomfortable the dynamic made me, but he refused to establish any boundaries. His reasoning was that she had been his friend before I came along and he didn't want to be ungrateful.

What bothers me isn't simply that he has female friends. It's the apparent difference in how much consideration he gives their feelings compared to mine. There was even an incident in March when he seemed perfectly prepared to let me walk away, but was unwilling to risk upsetting his best friend.

Over time, I've noticed a pattern. Whenever we have an argument, somehow the conversation ends with me feeling like I'm the problem. He becomes the person who has been wronged, talks about how difficult it is to always feel like he's in the wrong, and I end up questioning whether I'm being unreasonable.

He says he's still giving me a chance, which is particularly strange because I'm beginning to wonder when this relationship became something for which I should be grateful to receive another chance.

There are smaller things that have accumulated too. My birthday and our anniversary often feel like occasions where he does the bare minimum, but expects me not to express disappointment. His birthday, on the other hand, is something I start planning months in advance. I remember him discussing gifts for his best friend during my birthday month, which made me feel rather insignificant.

We also have different lifestyles. I don't particularly enjoy alcohol or clubbing, and he occasionally makes remarks about that. He has strong preferences regarding how I should dress and what I should wear. Even when I've explained that I'm petite and certain styles don't flatter my frame, he seems more interested in clothes he's seen other women wearing than in what I'm comfortable with.

Recently, after everything that's happened, he's been trying to behave nicely. Nicely, in the sense that he's just brushed everything under the rug, decided to not talk about anything and also make me feel constantly that he's doing this because he's kind and generous. But I can't quite bring myself to feel reassured. It feels as though the underlying issues haven't disappeared; we're simply having a quieter period. And it feels like a punishment given how cold he is.

What's particularly upsetting is that he seems to have plans to meet another female best friend, despite having barely made an effort to meet me in what feels like forever.

I understand that relationships require compromise. I also understand that insecurity can sometimes become one's own responsibility to address. I'm not suggesting that a partner should abandon friendships or live according to my preferences.

But surely consideration, reciprocity and a sense of being prioritised aren't unreasonable expectations?

I'm beginning to feel that I've spent years trying to convince someone to treat me with the same consideration I naturally extend to him.

Am I looking at this too negatively? Have I become so accustomed to feeling disappointed that I no longer know what reasonable expectations look like?

I'd genuinely appreciate perspectives, particularly from people who've experienced something similar.

Black honey nail varnish
Black honey mini and mascara set
Fenty powder

What watch brand do you favour? Any one got any intel on watches these type of young gents wear? To set the scene, they are also wearing black joggers or low slung jeans, Nike sport socks, Nike trainers, a white t shirt preferably Calvin Klein and a gym shark or Nike hoody, Ralph Lauren if they are feeling swish, topped off with a black north face or adidas coat and perhaps a little Nike beanie if
it is sub zero temps or they are unhappy with their hair. Any cool brands to know for a watch?

I was out yesterday and my son wanted feeding so I'm embarrassed to breastfeed him so I went toilets plus I also needed to go toilet ect so he woke up mid me doing my own toilet life it's tmi to tell everyone but you get the point so I'm sat here on the toilets feeding him however I'm done but he's still going so I'm here no top clothing on my jeans still need zipping up just reading everything on the wall while also thinking why doesn't the toilets have radiators because I'm freezing also had no WiFi so bored when some staff started saying they closing soon needing to clean toilets and is anyone in there witch I get all embarrassed because I only feed my son the breast in public because it feels more comfortable for me obviously other mums that feed their kids in public is totally fine this is just how I feel about me breastfeeding so I do this instead but you can understand the staff asking because my son takes like almost 35 minutes normally to feed and I took like 15 minutes on toilet and then I was changing his nappy ect so really we spent an hour in there witch yes I know epic anyway just came on here to mostly just say like it is embarrassing when staff are saying closing and stuff and why isn't they a radiator I was freezing hopefully my son wasn't freezing too but obviously I was the only one no clothes on to feed him

AIBU to expect my adult son to move out so I can finally live the life I've always dreamed of?

I'm after some honest opinions because I'm increasingly frustrated with the situation and wondering whether I'm being unreasonable.

A bit of background. I've worked continuously since I was 16. I've never had a gap year, never had that period of freedom to just go and explore the world and do the things I've always wanted to do. I've always put everyone else first, or something life threw at us has taken priority.

Living by the coast, having a boat and being able to sail and explore Europe has been my dream since I was six years old. This isn't some recent midlife crisis or a whim I've suddenly developed. My late husband and I always planned to do this together. It was something we'd always talked about and intended to make happen.

My husband died four years ago. That's really the only thing that's changed about the dream. I still want the same life, even though my world has fundamentally changed.

My son is 20, nearly 21, lives at home and works full-time. He earns around £2,000 a month after tax. I've explained that I want to relocate and that he needs to start making plans to get his own place. This isn't news to him; we've been discussing it for months.

His only regular fixed outgoings are car insurance (£160) and a phone contract (£40), plus the usual costs of maintaining and running his car. I charge him £300 a month board, which I've actually been putting into a savings account for him. He doesn't know about this, as I want him to have a little nest egg when he eventually moves out.

Even allowing for fuel, food (which I buy all his meals to take to work anyway) and personal spending, he has considerable scope to save. He has £1,500 each month after his fixed bills and board. We're now four months down the line and he's saved virtually nothing.

i personally earn about the same as him so I know how to make money stretch.

There seems to be no urgency, no real plans and no apparent recognition that he needs to start taking responsibility for his own future. I appreciate that I shouldn't be the one saving for him, but equally I'm trying to make sure he has a decent start when he does leave home.

I understand that renting is expensive and that moving out for the first time can be daunting. I'm not expecting him to buy a house or live in luxury. A room in a shared house would be a perfectly reasonable starting point.

I, on the other hand, have very little tying me to where I currently live. I moved here 12 years ago for my husband's work. I have no real friends here, I hate my job and there are very limited alternative employment opportunities locally.

Most of our friends were through my husband's work and, since he passed away, we rarely speak or meet socially. I feel like I'm in a bit of a hole here.

My son is settled. He has lots of friends locally through school and work and understandably doesn't want to relocate with me. I understand that, and I'm not expecting him to give up his social life and move somewhere he doesn't want to live. But I don't think his preference to stay here should automatically mean I have to stay here too.

There's another reason I feel quite strongly about doing this sooner rather than later. My parents are getting older. Realistically, I know there may come a point in the next 5–10 years when I'll have caring responsibilities for them. I want to make the most of the time I have now, while I'm still young enough, fit enough and able to sail, travel and explore.
If I put everything off for another five or ten years, I could easily find myself having spent my entire adult life looking after everybody else, only to reach a point where I'm too old or have too many responsibilities to do the things I've dreamed about since childhood.

It sometimes feels as though I've spent my entire adult life fulfilling responsibilities and putting other people's needs first. I don't want to reach retirement age having never actually lived the life I've spent decades dreaming about.
I don't want to spend my life waiting for the next family responsibility to finish before I'm allowed to start living.

I love my son and I'm not looking to abandon him. But he's an adult, he's earning a decent wage and I think it's reasonable to expect him to start building an independent life.

I've worked since I was 16, raised my child, dealt with losing my husband and kept everything going. I see this next chapter as my opportunity to have the gap year or two I've never had.

So AIBU to say that I'm moving ahead with my plans and that he needs to make alternative living arrangements, rather than continuing to put my life on hold because he hasn't bothered to save?
At what point do you stop organising your life around your adult children and start living it for yourself?
And more importantly, how do I actually get this message across to him? Do I set a firm deadline and stick to it, regardless of whether he's saved enough? What do I do if that deadline arrives and he still hasn't made any effort?

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable, whether I'm expecting too much or whether I just need to accept that it's time to put myself first.

I suppose that's why I'm asking the internet!