Coldcoffeekindamorning
AIBU?

I have been suffering with TMJ disorder for years. I have tried pretty much everything and spent x73848949494 pounds on trying to fix myself. I started seeing a specialist physio at the start of the year and it helped a bit over the summer but it is just getting worse again. I am so fed up and I dont know what to do.

I came down with some sort of virus/chest infection around 4 weeks ago, it aggravated my asthma and since then the pain has spread to my neck, shoulder and back. It is constant and even paracetamol and ibuprofen won't take it away completely. The GP treated me with steroids, two rounds of antibiotics and a chest xray but then told me that it's a virus and to go away and come back if I get worse. My cough has gone but my lungs don't feel back to normal, I am sooo fatigued and I can only do so much before I have to stop and lie down. The GP won't listen to me, I pretty much begged them to help me and they told me to go away, it's a virus and only to come back if it gets worse.

What am I supposed to do now? I am so worried that there is something underlying that they are not bothering to investigate. The GP didn't even take bloods to check. My auntie had stage 4 lung cancer and an xray didnt pick that up so why are they not seeing if something else is wrong? My friend had neck pain and they ignored her until the pain got so bad and turned out she had breast cancer. They both died in the past year. How can I get the GP to listen to me? I know that I am anxious but I just need to be better and no one is helping me and I don't know how to fix myself. What do I do?

1 reply

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

4 replies

After more than 20 years in education, Ofsted has made me want to walk away from the career I love.

I’m writing this anonymously, and I won’t be identifying my school or the area in which I work. I have far too much respect and affection for my colleagues, our students and the families we serve to risk identifying them. But I need to share what happened to me. Because even now, writing these words, I feel physically sick.

I’ve worked in secondary education for over 20 years. I’m a senior leader, and for most of my career I’ve absolutely adored my job. I’ve never been under any illusions about how difficult teaching can be. I’ve worked long hours, dealt with heartbreaking situations, supported children through unimaginable difficulties and carried responsibilities that have sometimes kept me awake at night. But I’ve always loved it. The school I work in serves a community experiencing significant social deprivation and limited social mobility. For many of our children, school is so much more than a place to learn. It’s a safe haven. Somewhere they are cared for, listened to, fed, supported and, above all, valued. We provide food vouchers, toiletries, uniform and countless other things that families sometimes struggle to afford. We deal with complex safeguarding situations, family breakdown, neglect and the consequences of poverty. As the senior leader responsible for safeguarding, there are days when I feel much more like a social worker or family support worker than a deputy headteacher. And do you know what? I love that part of my job. I love knowing that we can make a difference, even when that difference might seem insignificant to someone looking in from the outside. But it is relentless. Attendance and behaviour are ongoing challenges. We work tirelessly to improve both, but sometimes it feels as though we’re swimming against the tide.

Since Covid, engaging some families has become even harder, and the pressures on schools like ours seem to grow year after year. None of this is an excuse for poor standards. We know we have things to improve. We want our children to achieve every bit as much as children attending schools in more affluent communities. But the barriers some of our students face are enormous. And our teachers? They are some of the most dedicated, compassionate and hardworking people you could ever hope to meet.

Then came Ofsted……Our inspection took place after the tragic death of Ruth Perry, but before the introduction of the new inspection framework. I had been through Ofsted inspections before. I’m no shrinking violet. I’ve always considered myself a tough cookie, and after more than two decades in education, I’m certainly no stranger to professional challenge or accountability. But this was different. The 48 hours that followed were, without exaggeration, among the most professionally distressing of my life. I felt that nothing we did was good enough. Nothing we said seemed to matter. The atmosphere was oppressive, and I felt as though we were constantly on the defensive. My own meeting with inspectors felt less like a professional discussion and more like an interrogation. I was talked over, challenged relentlessly and made to feel as though I was being cross-examined rather than given an opportunity to explain the work we were doing. One particular exchange will probably stay with me forever. An inspector became fixated on the attendance of a deeply vulnerable young person. I won’t share their circumstances in detail because they deserve privacy. But suffice to say that this child had experienced significant trauma, instability and loss.their life had been unimaginably difficult, and simply getting through an ordinary school day could be an enormous achievement. We had invested extraordinary amounts of time, care and support in helping them. We knew them. We understood their circumstances. We celebrated the small steps forward that, for them, represented huge progress. The inspector was critical of his attendance and accused us of having low expectations……Low expectations. I can still remember how those words made me feel. I cried. Not because I couldn’t cope with criticism, but because I was so desperately angry and upset that anyone could interpret our compassion, understanding and determination to help this child as having low expectations of them. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Surely there has to be room within an inspection system to recognise that, for some children, progress cannot always be measured in percentages and spreadsheets? Surely understanding the impact of trauma and disadvantage isn’t the same as accepting failure? After that meeting, I went and sat alone in my car. I needed to get away. I needed to compose myself. I needed a few moments where nobody could see me. In more than 20 years of working in education, I had never done that before. And I wasn’t the only one struggling. During those two days, I saw at least three colleagues reduced to tears. These weren’t people who didn’t care or couldn’t cope with the ordinary pressures of teaching. They were committed professionals who gave everything to the children in their care. Watching them so distressed was heartbreaking. We eventually emerged with a mixture of Good and Requires Improvement judgements. Not a disastrous outcome, particularly given the challenges our school faces. And that’s perhaps what makes everything that followed so difficult to explain. Because it wasn’t really about the grades. It was about what those 48 hours did to us.

Shortly afterwards, an experienced, hardworking head of department resigned and left teaching altogether. And I became very ill. My mental health deteriorated to the point where I was unable to work for three months. Three months. After more than 20 years of loving my job, I found myself unable to do it. My confidence was shattered. I questioned my competence, my judgement and my professional worth. Everything I had spent decades building, everything I had once felt so proud of, suddenly felt tainted. I struggled with some very dark thoughts during that period. I don’t say that lightly, and it’s not something I ever imagined I would be admitting publicly, even anonymously. I had always been the person other people turned to when things became difficult. Now I was struggling to hold myself together. And the really frightening thing is that the effects haven’t gone away.

Even now, I struggle with anxiety. I second-guess myself. The confidence I once had seems to have disappeared. But there’s something else. We know Ofsted is due to return before the end of this academic year. And I am absolutely terrified. I cannot adequately describe the dread I feel at the thought of going through another inspection. Even sitting here writing this post,

remembering what happened and knowing that another inspection is approaching, I feel physically sick. I simply cannot face it again. So, after more than 20 years in a profession I have genuinely adored, I’m now looking for ways to leave education altogether. And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave because I’ve stopped caring about children. I haven’t. I don’t want to leave because the job is demanding. It has always been demanding. And I certainly don’t want to leave because I don’t believe schools should be accountable. Of course they should. Children deserve the very best education we can provide, and schools should absolutely be challenged when they need to improve. But surely there is a way to hold schools accountable without destroying the confidence and wellbeing of the people working within them? Surely inspectors can be rigorous without making people feel humiliated? Surely the professionals who spend their lives supporting vulnerable children deserve to be treated with some of the same compassion and humanity that we are expected to show those children every single day? I think about the younger version of myself who entered education full of enthusiasm, optimism and determination to make a difference. I wish I could find that person again. I wish I could walk into school without the anxiety that now follows me around. I wish I could look forward to the future rather than dread what might be coming. And more than anything, I wish I could feel proud of myself again. Because I used to be. I was proud of my career. Proud of the difference I made. Proud of the relationships I’d built with children and families. Proud to be part of a profession that, despite all its difficulties, I genuinely believed was one of the most important in the world. I don’t feel that way about myself anymore. And I find that desperately sad.

I know there will be people who read this and say that inspections are supposed to be challenging, that schools need accountability, or that senior leaders should be resilient enough to cope with scrutiny. I understand those arguments. But I would ask those people to consider something. What does it say about an accountability system when someone who has spent more than 20 years navigating the challenges of education is now so frightened of being inspected that they feel they have no option but to leave the profession they love? What does it say when dedicated teachers are reduced to tears? When experienced colleagues walk away? When a school leader becomes so unwell following an inspection that they cannot work for months? And what does it say when the fear of another inspection is enough to make someone feel physically sick?

I don’t have all the answers. I just know that something has gone terribly wrong when the people who dedicate their lives to helping children feel this way. I also wonder how many others are quietly experiencing the same thing. How many teachers and school leaders are carrying the emotional scars of an inspection long after the inspectors have packed up and left? How many are sitting in their cars trying to compose themselves? How many are lying awake at night, questioning whether they’re good enough? And how many are quietly planning their escape from a profession they once loved? I never thought I would be one of them. But here I am. After more than 20 years, I haven’t fallen out of love with education. I’ve simply reached a point where I’m frightened of what staying in it might do to me. And I cannot begin to tell you how heartbreaking that feels. I’d genuinely like to hear from other teachers and school leaders who have experienced something similar. Because right now, I feel incredibly alone.

2 replies

Our kitchen is completely out of action for a few days (no microwave or air fryer either).

I’m about to go and grab a rotisserie chicken to have with baguette and salad this evening. What else
can I do over the next few days?

We had a takeaway last night and it was criminally expensive for what it was so I’d prefer to try and assemble myself if possible.

Thanks!

67 replies

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

276 replies

Apparently you lot like gunk. The "juicier" the better. I am not a fan, but I've been told that you will bite my hand off for images of my husband's back cyst, with the pus in all its glory. He's now on his second week of strong antibiotics to help remove it and he sees the nurse practitioner twice a week to have more pus removed and his dressing changed. But I have to change his dressing in between times. This is real love.

So I'm doing this for your sake, and for @AMansAManForAllThat.

And you also get a picture or two of his neck cyst that has been drained once, but has refilled and the GP says they don't drain them a second time.

You have been warned.

There are a lot of images over the last month from a red bump that wasn't sore to, well you'll see...

I'm posting this now, then I'll switch to my phone so I can load the images for you.

11 replies

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804 replies
Jane2025123
Chat

Hi

my daughter is 12 and has a Cafcass section 7 interview. Would they listen to her from anybody’s experience to vary the order. There are no safeguarding she just wants to vary things. There is too much contact.

2 replies

IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

12 replies

DSS5 is 5, joint custody.

When we got married DSS was 2. We lived with DHs mum as he was made redundant just after the wedding and we couldn’t afford the joint mortgage anymore. I worked full time (still do) and worked long hours in order to be able to buy again. We moved into our house in April this year.

Whilst living with his mum, there was no room for 2 bedrooms. DSS slept in a bed in our room which was, I hate to admit it, miserable. He’d wake up in the night constantly and I never got a full nights sleep. I didn’t feel like we had any privacy. When we moved into our new house, I specifically said I wasn’t comfortable for DSS to be in our bed. Reasons included it’s our space, we have sex in there, it disrupts sleep, it’s lack of boundaries, DSS mum might object, I don’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with him, and I want a distinction between being a stepparent and a partner - when DSS slept in the room with us, I was expected to interact immediately when he woke up, otherwise I was selfish.

Many times I’ve come home from work and they’ll be watching a movie in our bed or DH gets him to sleep in there. I tried not to say anything but felt like I was being ignored.

I take a proactive role in DSS life. I do school drop offs as it fits with my work pattern, I play with him everyday and generally very loving towards him. I’ve tried my best to be a loving figure to him.

Today at 7am, DSS normal wake up, he came into our room and asked DH for breakfast. DH pulled him up into bed. I said “please can we not do the sharing bed thing” (I was half asleep). He flipped and told me to fuck off, threw a pillow across the room. He said, when DSS was in another room, that I will expect our child to share a bed with us, why should he miss out?

i know i chose to be in a relationship with DH who has a child. And I think I’ve adapted and tried to show him lots of love. But I feel like I’m not allowed a say in anything. Anything I say is perceived as anti-DSS and being selfish. DH also chose to be in a relationship with someone without children, so surely there is understanding that I would feel uncomfortable about bed sharing?

aibu?

190 replies

I honestly dont even know why I’m posting. I just feel like I cant do this anymore.

He’s 13, turned 13 three weeks ago. I know he’s a child and I know how bad this sounds but I hate him. I hate saying that about my own child but I am at the end of my tether and nobody seems to listen when I say how bad things have got.

His dad died when he was 7 and I’ve brought him up on my own since then. I know he’s had a lot to deal with but I cant keep excusing everything because of that. I dont know what else I’m supposed to do.

This morning school sent him home because he was sick. He’s been sick again since he’s been home but he went to sleep for a bit and seems fine now. He asked if he could go out tonight and I said no because he’s been ill and I dont want him going out and then being sick again somewhere. That was it. Apparently I’m picking on him because he’s been ill, I’m always ruining everything and I never let him do anything. He started shouting at me and calling me names. I said I wasnt arguing about it and he got even worse.

He’s shoved past me to get out of the room and shouted that he hopes I die. Just screamed it at me. I honestly dont even know what to say to that anymore. I told him to get away from me and he carried on shouting. Now he’s in his room and I’m downstairs trying to calm down and he’s probably forgotten all about it already.

This is what its like here all the time. I can ask him to do something completely normal and it turns into a massive argument. He calls me a stupid bitch, pathetic, thick, says nobody respects me and that I’m a shit mum. If I get upset he says I’m being dramatic. If I shout back then apparently I’m the one with the problem. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me and sometimes I honestly think he does it on purpose.

I know I let him get away with things. I tell him the xbox is going off and he argues for ages, swearing and following me around the house, and sometimes I just give up and let him carry on because I havent got the energy for another row. Same with his phone. I’ve taken it off him because of things I’ve found on there and then ended up giving it back because I just cant cope with hours of shouting. I know people will say I’m making a rod for my own back and maybe I am but I’m so tired. I cant spend every evening fighting with a 13 year old.

The stuff he says online worries me as well. I’ve seen messages where he’s making really nasty comments about girls at school, mocking their looks and saying things about women being good for one thing. He’s watching these men online who talk about women like they’re worthless and repeating what they say. When I challenge him he tells me I know nothing and girls are just as bad. He doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it. I’ve tried putting restrictions on his phone but he gets round them and then I’m back to another argument.

I have tried asking for help and I honestly feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He seems to have no limit to how nasty he can be when he’s angry. He’ll say the most horrible thing imaginable and then carry on as if nothing happened. I dont know how I’m supposed to keep dealing with this on my own.

I’ve even thought about ringing social services and saying I dont want him anymore. I havent done it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Just saying I cant have him here, I cant do this anymore, someone else needs to take over because I’m done. Then I feel disgusting for even thinking it because he’s my child and he’s only 13. But I genuinely dont know how much longer I can keep living like this. I dont want to abandon him but I also dont know how to help him when nobody seems willing to help us.

I hate what our relationship has become. I dread him coming home sometimes. When he’s out I feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. I dont even want to speak to him after what he’s just said to me. I know people will say I’m the adult and I shouldnt feel like this but I’m a person as well and I can only take so much.

I know I’m not perfect and I shout and lose my temper. Sometimes I give in because I just want peace. I’m not proud of it. I just feel like I’ve reached the point where I dont know what to do next.

386 replies

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My partner’s 15-year-old daughter moved in with us during the week after spending around two years out of mainstream education while living with her mum.
She now attends school locally and lives with us Monday to Friday, returning to her mum at weekends and during school holidays. We also have a young child together.

Recently, a dental appointment revealed longstanding issues with her teeth that hadn’t been addressed, which has raised concerns about the care she’d previously received.

We’ve now been told her mum is moving from a two-bedroom house into a more expensive one-bedroom apartment, despite having a teenage daughter who still stays with her. To add to this, her mum now wants her to spend even more time with us.

We’re already providing the majority of her day-to-day care, schooling, meals and general support. Her mum still receives child benefit, and maintenance payments haven’t always been consistent.
I completely understand that circumstances change, but I can’t help feeling that her mum is gradually stepping back from her parental responsibilities while we’re expected to pick up more and more.
This isn’t about not wanting my stepdaughter here. It’s about questioning whether it’s reasonable for one parent to keep reducing their involvement.

As a mother I cannot fathom not doing anything and everything I possibly can for my child. I would go through fire and back if it meant supporting and protecting them.

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Argh I’m going in circles trying to find a bag for work. I like designer bags but only have small ones. Cant afford more than £250. Dream bag would be Fendi Peekaboo.

Must be real leather, must be totey, must be cool. Happy with vintage but I can’t find anything within budget, looking at Mulberry totes of various hues.

Current front runner is https://www.michaelkors.co.uk/emilia-large-pebbled-leather-tote-bag/30F5GU5T7T.html

but I’m not a fan of the brand. I was looking at it and it’s just gone half price so feels like a sign though.

Emilia Large Pebbled Leather Tote Bag in LUGGAGE - Sale | Michael Kors [GB]
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On a quick work trip and I’ll have 20 mins to pop into a French pharmacy.

What do I need to buy? Probably Bioderma eye make up remover.

Any other recommendations please? Love it in there as everything is super reasonable, but it’s busy and packed with products and I don’t know what to get 😂

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As of last year, I started working almost entirely from home, so I no longer need to dress smartly for the office. My casual trousers currently consist of jeans and… more jeans (both slim and baggy!). My old work trousers feel far too smart for the school run, a coffee or a day working from home.

I’m a pear shape, size 8–10 on top and 10–12 on the bottom, with chunkier thighs. I tend to wear slouchy, wide-knit jumpers (think Joseph/Jigsaw/COS/Émile Sézane style) in cream, oatmeal, pink, grey and green.
I’d love some suggestions for casual, comfy trousers that still look and feel lovely with this sort of knitwear. I worked in an office until last year and I think I’m struggling a bit to find my feet style-wise now I’m not dressing for work every day. Jeans have always been my default, but they used to be easier to rotate with office clothes!

I caught myself enviously eyeing up two mums at school pickup recently who’d clearly been in work and both looked lovely and perfectly autumnal. Nothing particularly dressy, just really nice outfits that looked effortless. It made me realise I’ve lost my way a little bit and would love to feel a bit more me again.

My actual life is very much school runs, dog walks, the odd coffee, working in my home office and occasional trips to the gym. I live rurally, so a swishy city look wouldn’t really work, and I don’t want to feel overdressed for my day-to-day life.

What trousers are you wearing that strike that happy medium between comfy and casual but still feeling a bit pulled together? Particularly interested in styles that work with chunky knitwear and a pear-shaped figure. Would love any brand or outfit suggestions! 😊 budget flexible (I rarely buy anything unless a moth eats it so happy to invest a bit)

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I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

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I am mid fifties and my teeth are really yellow. I brush twice a day but I think I have probably worn the enamel as I’ve used too much whitening toothpaste

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My DS turns 1 on Christmas Day so I need to think of a few gifts for his first birthday and Christmas! We will most likely do a half birthday in the summer but I want to mark the occasion.

I’m completely stuck for ideas. He has a 3 year old brother so we already have a lot of toys. Grandparents have bought him a baby walker. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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Our 25 year old son went on holiday 3 weeks ago by himself for the first time and has stopped responding to ur messages (WhatsApp) about a week ago. The messages are being received. Our son is a bit weird - such as

  • he is secretive
  • pn iPhone - 'Find my phone' we all share our location (we have another son 21y.o.) except this son.

He told us he was going to Italy and would be back in a week but after a few days he spoke to his mum saying he would be staying longer. now he has stopped sending messages and stopped talking to us 2 weeks ago. Also he is not always truthful - i say this because i am beginning to suspect he hasnt gone to Italy but Thailand - he came out of uni 2023 and was unemployed fro 2 years but has had an admin job for the last 12 months (min wage) - he was living with us so managed to save money. Before he left told us he had saved £5,000,00 .

i have asked him to send some photos of where he is - nothing!

We think he has left his job. He did buy travel insurance after i told advised him.

Why do i suspect Thailand - when he came out of Uni he asked me for money to go to Thailand i refused. He also has an interest in i think budhism, culture , meditation.
He has one friend - i don't have the friends contact number. While with us he was fine as in - happy to hang around with us and going on holiday with us.

How can i find out where is he? plus happy for any advice on how to deal with this? Me and my wife are stressed, worried and out of our minds.

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Has anyone else noticed this? I normally have major resting bitch face and have been told by various people I have a very serious and dont talk to me look.
Despite my attempts to ease my face and give off im friendly vibes most people dont come near me. ( I have honestly thought about a she's friendly badge to put on lol)

Over the past week things have changed. People now ask me questions and even try and have small talk ( today at bus stop) Just a general friendly vibe I get from people all over.

I have made one change
Can anyone guess what?

48 replies

My 9yo DD2 has just lost her last baby tooth. She’s written a letter to the tooth fairly and we will dutifully write back tonight and place her coin under her pillow (although we might put a note in this time as it’s her last one!)

DD1 didn’t lose her last tooth until she was nearly 12, and at that point hadn’t believed in the tooth fairy for a while.

Is it quite unusual for all baby teeth to be out at 9yo?! (9.5 to be precise). How many children lose all their baby teeth whilst still believing in the tooth fairy?

She has a check up with the dentist next month. She does have a very crowded mouth but the dentist said it might be because there’s so many big teeth in a little mouth and that hopefully as her mouth grows the teeth might have more space although it’s likely she’ll need braces.

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At the start of the year we were totally blindsided by an ex of dh from a long long time ago getting in touch to say that dh was the father of her 19 year old.
She had cheated on her husband who had then demanded paternity testing for the children and (she has 3) he was not the father of 2. She has then alleged that dh was actually her ds1 father and got in touch via family.

It caused us a lot of stress and heartbreak. Dh had to choose whether to meet with him and then get tested or have a test and if he was his son to then build a relationship. He said that he didn’t remember ever having unprotected sex with her and yet he couldn’t rule out that he was his dad and if he had missed 19 years of a relationship he didn’t want to miss a day more so they met.

The test showed that dh was not the father. To be honest this wasn’t the result we expected as even I thought looking at them that they looked similar.

Ever since dh family have been criticising his ‘hasty actions’ in meeting first rather than waiting for the test results. I feel it’s really unfair as he was trying to do his best? It was a shitty situation to find ourselves in and he tried really hard to quickly do the right thing.

MIL made a comment yet again today about it (she is friends with a relative of the woman concerned) about her still not being able to identify the father and saying how dh was trigger happy to take on someone else’s child and lucky that he bothered to get the test done ?!

AIBU to think they should all be proud of him as I am for trying to step up ?

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