Does anyone have any recommendations? Tried the brushed jersey barrel trousers from Uniqlo but they were a bit “worky”.. I want something with a flattering waist band not really bulky around the waist like jogging bottoms tend to be. Ideally in black or charcoal. Size 14.

I worked in schools for 20+ years so I’m very aware of how hard school staff work. I’ve also had a good relationship with this school for years and have had 3 kids through it already.

DN lives with us as his Mummy died. He’s doing amazing given the circumstances. He started school in September and loves it.

Since the second week he’s been going to the breakfast club three days a week. It’s run by school staff. The one he goes to (they have two separate ones) is staffed by two TAs and they take 25 kids. DN was desperate to go as his wee bestie, who lives on our street, goes and we’ve been happy to encourage anything that helps him settle.

However, for the 6th time since he started the TA who does the door said “say bye to Mummy…”

This leaves DN horribly upset and it’s getting worse each time it happens. Every time the TA apologises, tells DN it’s so difficult to remember every and she’ll try her best not to do it again. Today DN was so upset he ended up being sick and has missed the whole day of school.

Last week the other TA took over doing the door and DN had a brilliant week. This week the forgetful TA has upset him twice. I get that learning lots of kids names is difficult, but how the fuck do you forget an orphaned kid that you’ve upset numerous times?

My AIBU is this - To stop going to breakfast club you have to give a month’s notice and pay for that notice. I’ve told the school today I’m withdrawing DN effective immediately and won’t be paying.

The TA is either making absolutely no effort or she cannot recognise faces, in which case she shouldn’t be doing the door.

DH thinks in the interest of the relationship with the school we should pay for the notice, but I don’t agree. DN wants to go. I want him to go. He cannot go because they are repeatedly upsetting him.

Me and my partner have been together 2 years and living together since January. I have a DD12 and he has a DD14 and DS9 who come every other weekend. We don’t have any children together.

The problem is food basically. His two are quite fussy which I do understand, his DD won’t eat gravy or most veg and his DS will only eat chicken if its plain, pasta with nothing on it etc. At first I just used to make them something else as I didn’t want them sitting there with nothing they liked. It wasnt a big deal when it was occasional but now its every time they come.

So yesterday I did a roast, nothing fancy just chicken, potatoes, carrots and broccoli. I’d been at work in the morning and honestly couldn’t be bothered with anything complicated. They both said they didn’t want it and asked what else there was. I said well this is dinner, you can have the bits you like and leave what you dont, or your dad can make you something else if you really don’t want it.

My partner was really annoyed with me afterwards. Said I was making them feel unwelcome and that I always make things my DD likes so why should his children be any different. I said my DD eats what we have most of the time, she might not like everything but she doesn’t expect me to cook her a completely different dinner. He said she’s older than his DS and knows what she likes so its not the same thing.

Anyway he ended up making them beans on toast which they were perfectly happy with. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want another argument in front of them but apparently that was even worse because it made him look like he had to sort his own children out while I sat there eating my dinner.

I do feel a bit bad because I have always made them alternatives before and now suddenly I’m not. I dont dislike them, we get on alright and I don’t expect them to eat stuff they hate. But I work too and I do most of the cooking anyway, and I don’t think its unreasonable for their dad to make them something if they don’t want what everyone else is having.

He says they are only here 4 nights a month and I could make the effort. I said if its that important then he can make the effort as well.

AIBU to stop making separate meals or am I being unfair to them? I genuinely can’t tell now.

Hello,

I was looking for advice on what brands etc to buy for my daughter's upcoming school ski trip. We aren't a family who have a lot of money and weve made sacrifices for her to go on the trip so any suggestions that are budget friendly but she won't feel like the odd one out put that do the job and keep her warm would be much appreciated. I feel overwhelmed and out of my comfort zone with it all. TIA
Here is the list I've been sent:
Ski Jacket – wear on the journey x1
Sallopettes (ski trouses) x1
Thermal top x 3-5
Thermal bottoms x 3-5
Tshirts for skiing x 5
Ski Socks x 5
Ski Goggles x1
Ski Gloves x1
Quarter zips/fleeces/jumpers for under ski jack x3
Neck warmers

Short version: my new neighbours are CF and are trying to steal a visitor parking space because they have a blue badge, they are not the only blue badge holders in the block of flats, and are behaving unreasonably.

long story: no diagram as I am sat in the car waiting for DSs sporting activity to end.

I live in a small block of flats, ten in total built 20 ish years ago, all are either privately rented or owned. They are all 2 bedrooms and there is a private carpark accessible via a gated entry you need a fob to get into.

Every flat has 1 allocated parking space and there are 4 visitor spaces at the very furthest end of the car park. One of the spaces used to have a disabled symbol on it, but is the same size as all the other spaces and is the furthest parking spot from the entrance of the car park and not the most accessible. There is no other signage indicating it’s a disabled spot and you would only know it “used” to be the designated spot if you had lived here a long time, it’s not on the deeds etc.

I don’t have a blue badge, a couple of my relatives do and a couple of the existing residents do. Even though people who live in the flats have blue badges nobody uses the parking spot as it literally the worst spot in the whole car park, it also next to the hedges which need cutting back, it’s also at an odd angle and normally really tight to get in, with the hedges making it worse.

We have new neighbours, a family of 5 plus two dogs - yes in a two bedroom flat - they also have two cars and one of the residents, not sure who, also has a blue badge. I have noticed the “disabled” space has been occupied recently - it’s usually empty cos it’s a horrible space as mentioned above.

I had a relative with a blue badge visit this week and I moved my car into the “disabled” parking spot for a couple of days, as it was the only one free and I had a legitimate reason to be there, despite I don’t believe it being a legally enforced disabled parking space. This was so my relative who needs mobility aids could use my spot, which is easier to drive into and doesn’t have a whopping hedge growing into it, making it easier for her to get out of the car.

New neighbours are pissed! Apparently they have rung their landlord and the estate agent has been round knocking on everyone’s doors (me and relative have been out in her car so missed this) because new neighbours have a blue badge and must be able to use the car parking space at all times.

One of my elderly neighbours spoke to me about this and is very worried I am going to get in trouble. IMO though the new neighbours are just trying to get a second parking space for free, by claiming sole use of the “disabled” visitor space, like they are the only people in the world who own a blue badge. When in reality what they want to do is be able to park both of their cars in the secure parking area, rather like the rest of us who either have two cars of visitors park on the ample street parking (it’s a village not a city). My neighbour who is worried is also a blue badge holder, but parks in his allocated space.

AIBU to keep parking there or letting my visitors who have blue badges!?

It’s a visitor space, it’s on private land, no signage to say it’s disabled anyway so I could technically park there even if I wasnt doing so to for a blue badge holder, the new neighbours simply have to use there one allocated spot and not occupy a visitor space permanently.

Possibly very much overthinking here, but it is my daughters birthday on Wednesday (turning 9) her class normally take a sweet treat/cake in on on their birthdays, this is fine with the parents and no one has allergies (know this from several parties). I love baking but never really do it much, last year I made and took in some cupcakes, I'm a home baker but can turn out a decent cupcake, planning to do it this year again but my husband has said that I shouldn't, that it is very much attention seeking and very 'look at me" This isn't my intention at all, I have most of the ingrediants in the cupboard all ready, it'll only cost me about £4 to make 36 buns, I only have to buy the butter and some icing sugar. I have boxes already that I bought in bulk from Temu and tbh I just like baking. But I would hate to be talked about by any of the mum's, or for people to think that I'm attempting to show off, parents would see them as they are normally given out last thing. Should I just buy some shop bought cake or buns, which would cost me more money and not be as nice? I'm inclined to think that my husband is been harsh, they will look nice when done, but I reckon people will still be able to tell that they are homemade and that I haven't spent loads of money buying them. Thanks.

As the title says really.

My now teenage child has attended a private school since 11, they are now in Year 10. It has been a great experience for them and worth the money. We aren’t rich by any means but afford it by making cut backs, we haven’t been on holiday for 5 years. VAT has hugely impacted us.

My child now has a teacher for a core subject which they haven’t had before. They bring their book home every week, and it is very obvious that the whole scheme of work and all of the worksheets and homework are AI generated. I am not a dinosaur, and I do use AI myself. However, this level of usage coming from my child’s teacher seems excessive, and I am not sure how much actual teaching is going on? My child has also said all of the PowerPoints used in lessons are obviously AI generated, and even that it has appeared as though the things on the PowerPoints the teacher is seeing for the first time alongside the students?!

Less of an issue, but I’ve also had some suspiciously AI looking and sounding emails from other members of staff in the school.

WIBU to arrange a meeting with the Head of Year to raise these concerns, or is this just the modern era of teaching?

I am lucky enough that my children and grandchildren are almost always with us for Christmas Day. However, this year to my delight they are coming Christmas Eve and staying overnight, therefore waking up to Christmas morning at our house. It's the first year since my children were that age that we will be doing the Father Christmas thing! Their mum (my daughter) and I have agreed to follow the traditions they usually do (which is actually the same as were done when my children were small). We will all have matching pyjamas, leave cookies for Santa, stockings first thing. But we also want to do even more to make it magical for them too - ages 5 and up by the way. Any ideas for the night before or the morning, food ideas, decorations? Would be grateful for all or any ideas. Will also have teenagers too.

I was stupid enough to let my DD invite lots of friends (50!) to our house for the Halloween party.
What food to serve? DD says not to worry, as apparently ‘nobody eats at parties’. Just some crisps, dips, crackers and sweets were offered at the many parties she went to over last year.
Everyone is over 16yo, some alcohol will be allowed (not served by me, but teens will bring their own). I and DD’s dad will be home. Party is between 7-10:30pm.
Is there really no nibbles expected these days at parties?

I have been a carer to my elderly parents for many years now. They are both in their early nineties and Dad has just been diagnosed with a terminal condition that means he probably doesn't have long.

Until a few weeks back he was in a care home whilst we made adaptations to their home with some assistance from Occupational Therapy.

He is now back home. We are nursing him in bed as he can't really get up.

It has been such a difficult time. Unfortunately there have been some clashes with my mother over his care. She used to be a GP and has always been very vocal and forthright. They also didn't have a particularly easy marriage. There has been verbal conflict and I ended up throwing stuff around and walking out.

All OK now, apologies etc. She still believes she did nothing wrong by shouting and screaming at me over a tiny thing but I understand as we are both suffering anticipatory grief.

I've been confiding in and leaning on a friend of many years. He was a social worker but had a nervous breakdown and left the profession. Unfortunately he has rang Social Services and told them I have been violent towards my parents.

The police have been to take a statement and my Mum is totally horrified and insisting she doesn't want me prosecuted. Adult Protective Services are investigating.

The case worker told me who reported me. Apparently they are legally obligated to do so.

I haven't spoken with friend yet but I feel really let down.

OK, she is 80. She also does not "do" online shopping and cannot use the internet so is limited in choice to mail order or what shops exist in her town which sell clothes (small M&S, TK Maxx, Tesco, Morrisons, New Look, Matalan). She is not short of cash.

Visited today and she was wearing the most godawful old lady mint green, acyrlic, zippy up cardigan. I said "Oh that's new mum, haven't seen that before" and she announces it's from the Damart catalogue. If you've ever wondered who buys the "comfortable slacks" and similar items advertised in the national trust magazine, that's my mum.

I don't expect her to be high fashion. Sibling and I often buy clothes for her for birthdays and Christmas, sibling recently bought her a striped breton cotton top which she appears to like. She obviously wants to be comfortable and I do get that. But there is comfortable... and there is the Damart catalogue.

I bumped into a friend of hers recently - similar age - wearing Adidas trainers, black trousers, lambswool jumper. Nothing high fashion or out there. My mum has very odd ideas about clothes and appearance (people over 40 shouldn't wear jeans, women over 30 shouldn't have long hair, if you were meant to have holes in your earlobes you'd be born with them, pop socks are a perfectly acceptable item of clothing) and weaning her off this abomination of a catalogue is going to be tough. Any ideas?

I’ve been putting off posting this because I know how stepmothers get talked about on here but honestly I am at the end of my tether and DH is now not speaking to me so here goes.

I have a 2 year old DS with my husband and he has 3 boys from his previous marriage, 15, 13 and 8. They have recently come to live with us full time after living abroad with their mum for years. They used to see their dad mainly in the school holidays. I knew it would be a massive adjustment but I genuinely dont think DH realised how much would change having them here all the time.

Their mum has moved around a lot over the years, different countries, different schools etc. I am not saying she is a bad mum as I dont know the full story and I wasnt there, but from what the boys have told us they had pretty much unlimited screen time, could stay up watching things and eat in their rooms. Getting them off devices now is a battle every single day. DH says they have had enough upheaval and we need to be patient which I do understand but there still has to be some rules surely.

The older two are the worst for attitude. They have started at the local secondary and apparently think it is beneath them. DSS1 has said the other kids are thick and common and asked why he has to go to a school like this when he used to go to a much better one. DSS2 joins in with this sort of thing and they have both already been in trouble for being rude to teachers and disrupting lessons. We cannot afford private school for 3 children, not that I think they should get to look down on everyone else anyway.

At home they just seem to take whatever they want and expect everyone else to sort it out. Food, chargers, things out of my bag, it doesnt matter. If I say something I get told their dad lets them do it or that I am not their mum. DH says I need to stop turning everything into an argument and they are settling in.

The biggest issue at the moment is DSS3 and DS. The 8 year old is constantly snatching things from him. DS will be happily playing with a toy and DSS3 will just take it out of his hands, then laugh when he cries or run off with it. Yesterday he took his favourite little car while DS was playing with it and DS was absolutely sobbing. I told DSS3 to give it back and he started shouting that it was his house too and he could have what he wanted. I know he is only 8 but he is old enough to understand that you dont just grab things off a toddler and laugh at them.

DH came in and told me I was making a fuss over nothing. He said DS needs to learn to share and cannot expect to have everything to himself just because he is the baby. I said sharing is not the same as having things ripped out of your hands and that if DS was doing it to his brothers I would tell him off as well. DH said his boys have had a difficult childhood, have been dragged around different countries and missed having their dad around every day and I should have a bit more compassion.

I do have compassion. I know they have been through a lot and I am not expecting them to suddenly be perfectly behaved children. But apparently every single thing they do is because of their childhood and if I dare say anything I am the wicked stepmother. They can be really nasty to each other as well, pushing and hitting when they get wound up, and DH just calls it being boisterous boys. I have asked him what happens when school starts calling every week or one of them seriously hurts DS and he says I am being dramatic.

There is also a language thing because they have lived in different countries and sometimes switch languages between themselves. I dont mind that at all and I know they have had to adapt to different places, but sometimes DH uses that as another reason why I shouldnt question anything they do. I feel like I am expected to accept absolutely everything because their lives have been unsettled.

After yesterday I said to DH that he needs to actually parent them instead of defending everything they do. He said I knew he had children when I married him and that DS is needs to understand sharing anyway so why am I making it an issue. He has barely spoken to me since.

I dont want his boys sent away or made to feel unwanted, I really dont. But I am starting to dread being at home when they are all here and I feel awful even typing that. Am I being unreasonable to expect some basic manners and boundaries or do I need to accept that this is just how boys are and give them more time? And is DH right that our 2 year old needs to learn to share even when his brothers are taking things off him?

She’d quite like to be able to do this flicky end thing easily herself. Also probably might like to put curls in sometimes.
it’s a big birthday present.
tia

DM has recently told me that the beneficiaries of her will and that of my late DF are 'grandchildren' . She said the wills were made over 30 years ago when there was only 1 grandchild. Now their are 6 grandchildren (including 1 step grandchild), they are all adults and there will be no more grandchildren to come.

My question is when DM passes will the fact that the grandchildren are not named individaully cause any issues or delay. Would it be better to update the will at this time to name them all individually.

Thank you in advance if anyone is able to provide adivce.

Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

🤣
https://www.vinterior.co/furniture/storage/trunks/vintage-wooden-crate-sku27830576

I mean good on them if there is actually a market for flipping crappy old boxes like this though…

Looking for a petite friendly coat that is warm, waterproof and stylish. Size 8-10. Happy to pay up to £200. I don't mind padded as long as it's not too much. Has anyone seen anything?

I am 52, oval shaped face, and have fine blonde highlighted hair.

I am also fancying a change from my long and slightly wavy, no fringe, hair and have been eyeing up a 'Scandi bob.'

However, can it still look cool on someone my age or will I look like I am doing the middle-aged meno haircut as mine now looks too straggly too long...?

Sorry I've not posted a pic, I know too many other MN users in RL!

And a retirement party the following day. Complete different people at both events so can wear the same thing as long as I don’t throw red wine over it!

You lot are so good at this and I’ve always been in awe of how quickly some of you find amazing clothes for other people. Any chance you could work your magic again?

Both events will have the same vibe - make an effort but won’t be super glam or too traditional. I’m size 12-14, slightly pear shaped, prefer a v or cowl neck dress. I look quite good in a wrap dress. I hate my legs so at least midi length. Colours - I like green, turquoise, bright blues and occasionally coral, orange and yellow. No black, purple or burgundy. I’ll probably wear sparkly ankle books but other shoe options are available!

Help me please!

We are travelling light around north China mid winter and looking for ideas for the warmest clothes that are not too bulky. Best knee length coat and ideally overtrousers too, I normally wear salopettes but seeing if there are any other options to cut wind and add another layer of warmth but perhaps less bulk.
Thank you

Married for 20 years, together for 25. After about 15 years, I started to question how healthy my marriage really was. There would be the odd outburst here and there from my now ex-dh, huge strops because I wouldn’t move back to his home country. I had already done it once for 3 years for the sake of the marriage, unable to speak the language, unable to work, and completely dependent on him. When his contract ended we returned to the UK, it was such a relief.

To be the one who birthed three children. To be working part-time for the entire marriage so he could travel for his high-powered job. To be playing hostess to everything he wanted with his family. To be carrying the immense personal burden of moving across the world for his career—only to find out he was spitting in my food and drink and rubbing my toothbrush in the toilet. My offence? Not moving back to his home country.

I finally filed for divorce. To be stripped of my children through lives with orders because they were at the ages of 13, 14, and 15. To be lied about to my own teenage children, framed as unfaithful so they would reject me—only to find out he was the one having an affair for the last 13 years, and still is.

To be fought financially, listening to him argue that he is a poor single father of 3 who needs the family home and most, if not all, of the equity. To be told by my own children that in 3 years they are all moving to their father’s country, angry at me for destroying the family.

I might be feeling sorry for myself, but to me, this is a level of psychological cruelty that is almost impossible to process. What was it all for? What now?

To any young woman reading this: please, please take notice of those early red flags. I ignored them, and I wish I hadn’t. Life is so painful.

I’ve just put a tenner (bang on a tenner) worth of unleaded fuel into a 1.5l car. It was reading 55 miles left as I did it - after £10 of fuel it rose to 86miles.

does this sound like the petrol station is stealing - or is that really how many miles a tenner of fuel gets? I don’t have that setting visible on my cars dashboard.

WIBU to go back to them or report them or something?

Met someone randomly and he seems nice. I thought we clicked. Wants to meet up.
I don't know much about him but he gave his name and the where he lives . I
'googled' him, and it returned a newspaper article, someone with that name from there was charged for an offence (attempted grooming of a minor). After that it went to crown court. Don't know any more.

The name isn't unusual but not 'John Smith' common. He might have a namesake, and I don't know if the ages matched. He might not have been living there then. If he was why hasn't he moved?
All I told him was my 'nickname' and roughly where I live so there's a limit to how much digging I want to do.

Do I just block him? I'm in shock.

In my town, three things have happened in the last week:

1. a border force boat was spotted refuelling in the harbour
2. a coach was seen at Sainsbury’s petrol station
3. some Asian men were seen at a local hotel

Now each of these things have innocent explanations:

1. the boat was quite literally just refuelling
2. it was a school coach at a petrol station
3. theyre a Bollywood film crew filming at a local beach. Said local beach is closed and they’re filming overnight, so needed somewhere to stay.

But of course, the racist reform nuts have decided that the border force is “shipping” migrants straight to us and bussing them in (it’s either one or the other surely? They’re either delivering them by boat or coach 🙄) and people are now making threats against the general manager of the hotel where the film crew have been staying. Apparently people have been going into the hotel and questioning the manager about the people staying there and what they’re doing there.

im sick of it. Never mind the fact that it would be impossible for the small boats to get across the channel to us, these are all innocent things. But the reform rhetoric has spread to the point that people who aren’t white can’t even stay in a hotel without people getting angry and threatening violence. It’s disgusting.

He was only 34. He played Walter White Junior in Breaking Bad. So young. A fantastic actor and did so much to support people with disabilities in getting into the film industry. What a sad loss.