Really tired tonight and no energy to cook. So we decided on Nando’s. 2 adult and 2 kids meals for around £60 with delivery. It’s shocking, for lukewarm underwhelming crap. When did prices get so high! I decided to cook in the end after all.I don’t get how all these delivery drivers are so busy when prices are like this.

Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please (I think that's the term, let me know if I got that wrong).

If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag me and let me know here (or DM me).

You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

Welcome back everyone to the new thread and hello to any newbies - join us now in time for the autumnal fun. 🍂💄🌂

As always when the Advent threads are running hot this thread is a little quieter but holiday releases, sets and edits are just around the corner. I'm super excited to be going to Sephoria London in October - I still can't believe I lucked out getting a ticket.

Some exciting homegrown news -after a few technical hiccups the FB group is now searchable (but private) MN Beauty Chat Swap/Trade/Sell.* *For those interested in the group we have a few joining rules you will be asked to abide by. Thank you @MrsBnow12 @CinderellaParker for your help.

Has anyone got any experience of their child having knee pain and their knee clicking when they walk? Pain was at side of knee cap. This has been going on with my 12 year old since March. Her is knee is now giving way but it doesn’t hurt. She has had an emergency x ray 2 months ago and only just got the results. Knee looks normal but doctors have put her on a 2 week pathway to be seen as it has been going on for so long. No swelling, not hot, not waking her up in the night, lumps or bumps. No pain medication needed. Though has needed it in the past occasionally.

A couple of weeks ago it started getting a bit itchy and I thought it might have been using a different soap so I changed back to my usual but no change. Then a couple of days ago when I wiped there was something that looked like a long piece of dried grass. Then last night there was another one in the toilet, about 6 cm long, flat and about 5mm wide. I was convinced I had worms but googled and they are short and thin like pieces of thread.
Any ideas? I don’t have small children and I think I have pretty good hygiene, shower every day, regularly wash my hands, clean clothes, regularly wash sheets and towels, use dettol laundry sanitizer

Hi, I need to re vamp my wardrobe for autumn/winter and need some advice on how to incorporate a bit of 'edgy chic'. I'm early 40's, 5ft 2, size 14/16 and hour glass shape with big boobs and a bit of a mum tum. I have dark hair and olive skin, so tend to suit darker/autumn colours. I need a couple of staple bits, and some clothes I can also wear for work ( casual dress code). I already have some chunky boots and a grey leather jacket. I went shopping today in local town and it was totally uninspiring!

Me and my husband are both 35. We've been married for 6 years and have two children, and I'm currently pregnant with our third.

Around a year ago, my dad suddenly became very ill and was hospitalised for about a month. His insurance covered roughly 45% of the costs, but the remaining amount was still quite large.

I have an older brother and a younger sister. They're both married with children and have decent jobs, but me and my husband are higher earners, so we were in a position to contribute more. My siblings did contribute as well, but I paid the biggest share of the remaining hospital bills.

Thankfully, my dad recovered. After he left hospital, my mum and dad stayed with us for around 6 months because my dad needed regular hospital visits and support. Again, I covered most of the expenses, although my brother and sister also contributed.

For the last 4–5 months, though, I've noticed my MIL becoming quite cold towards me. Sometimes she seems to start arguments with me over things that don't really make sense. My SIL, who is my husband's younger sister, has also been distant. In June, she hosted a party and didn't invite either me or my husband.

About three weeks ago, we all stayed at my in-laws' house for 2–3 days. My MIL was clearly angry and eventually told me that I had "hijacked" her son and that we weren't really family anymore. She said I didn't consider them family and asked whether we ever thought about her health or what she wanted, because apparently we've spent so much money taking care of my family instead.

Honestly, that really hurt me.

She also said that my husband only has one sister, yet despite us earning well, we have never really helped her. I don't think that's entirely fair. My SIL and her husband both earn enough to live comfortably, and we do care about them. We regularly take her children shopping with ours, usually around once a month, and we send them gifts too. If they ever genuinely had a financial problem, of course we would help.

My MIL was crying and very angry when she said all this. My SIL was sitting there as well but didn't say anything.

The thing is, we were actually planning to tell them that I'm pregnant. The next day, we told them.

Nobody really reacted. Nobody congratulated us or even seemed happy. Me and my husband were both really upset.

Now it's been three weeks and neither my MIL nor SIL has called or messaged us. I invited my SIL and her family over this weekend, but she didn't answer my calls and didn't come.

My husband is really sad about the whole situation, and honestly, so am I. I don't understand what we've done that is so terrible. Yes, I helped my parents when my dad was seriously ill, and yes, I contributed more because I was able to. But does that mean I'm supposed to ignore my parents because my husband has a family too?

Saturday to Monday so truly a flying visit. Flying from the southwest.

Sorry to mention Christmas in September!

For Christmas, family come to us on alternating years, so one year my mum, brother, sister and their partners and kids come to us and the following year my dad and his partner come to us. I have done this for my dad only, I do not like his partner.

It would have been my dads turn this year but he died in June. Since he died, I have not visited his partner but she has called and text me a few times asking for favours and money as my dad left most of his estate to me and my siblings.

Yesterday I spoke to my aunt who is my dads sister and she has told me that my dads partner is still expecting to be invited for Christmas. I will not be having her here and need a nice but firm way, if that’s possible, of telling her that.

How would you word it?

A few weeks ago OH (80, frail) & I met up with his daughter-in-law & grandkids to give GK#1 a 21st birthday gift & congratulate her on her law degree. I know she was disappointed to “only” have got a 2:1 but it’s from a very famous university & bloody good.

They have had their struggles: their Dad (my stepson) went AWOL from parenthood ten years ago, they were illegally evicted & homeless.
We are very proud of them.

GK invited us to her graduation (on a Friday), we talked about planning the trip & what she wanted us to wear for the photos, & DiL getting a day of work, GK#2 taking the day off school to be there.
OH & I both understood we were being asked to book the accommodation for the 5 of us & travel together.

So I booked us a flat for 2 nights - Thursday & Friday - & forwarded the confirmation asking when we could go up on the Thursday so I could book train tickets.

No reply.

Left a voicemail in case they’d missed the email.

Emailed again.

Got a scolding reply from GK#1 telling me it’s HER big day and she’s shocked, SHOCKED I booked accommodation (after we both understood we were being asked to, & checking with her whether she’d need it too) & complaining her mum is finding it hard to get time off from work (which I do not think I can be blamed for).

So I have no idea what’s going on.

i replied that of course it’s her big day & up to her who she has there, that she might forgive me if I misunderstood what she wanted, & pointed out that it’s too late to cancel the booking, but she’s welcome to use the accommodation if she wants.

I said if she wanted her granddad there she should let us know.

It’s a trek for us to get there, & not cheap: OH is blind & i cant drive, so the earlier we can book train tickets the better.

Silence since then.

What to do?

Am I unreasonable to feel rather hurt by this?

What has been your cheapest yet most favourite present?
Mine is a little ceramic hedgehog that cost my sister 50p from a charity shop- I've had it years and for some reason it's my favourite gift ever!
Anyone got similar?

I am really struggling with my parents. Both are mid-sixties, retired. It seems since retirement they have become quite bigoted, insufferable and insular in their viewpoints. Every time I meet up with them conversations revolve around:

• Illegal immigration / people on benefits / Reform and Nigel Farage. Essentially focussing around the latest GB news story (which they watch religiously).
• Their latest or ongoing health ailments and how poor, in their view, the NHS is.
• Unnecessary and rude descriptions to describe other people (could be random strangers) or people they know. For example, ‘our fat neighbour has put on tons of weight.’

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my parents, particularly my father, and I’m sure he wasn’t always like this. I’m starting to dislike meeting up with them as their attitudes seem to have changed towards life and people in general, and they constantly want to discuss the latest GB News story.

Has anybody else found this has happened to their parents?

Hi 👋
Wondering what’s going to replace this viral bag? (Handbag style: not rucksack)
I have a couple; they are bloody brilliant but are they becoming dated?
I love that I can stick them in the wash and the cross body means I don’t have to make an effort to keep it on my shoulder like I do with a tote or a shoulder bag.
So those who are ‘on trend’ …. What’s next after the Uniqlo one ? I suppose my style is quite Arket/ Uniqlo and I would consider leather but I don’t like anything twee or blingy…… and I hate those camera bags that say RIVER ISLAND or MICHAEL KORS down the strap.

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

I went to an auction at the weekend and I ended up buying a fur coat. AI tells me its mink. Its long & glossy & brown. From the look of the lining its very vintage.

I'm not vegan or vegetarian even, and I while am very happy that the UK banned fur farming I don't have any issue with wearing vintage fur - in fact I see it as honouring the poor dead wee mink.

What would happen to these old coats if they aren't worn or enjoyed? they would end up in landfill. Fake fur are a plastic environmental nightmare (though I did buy a 2nd hand vintage fake fur last winter - maybe it was a gateway fur.)

So I don't have a problem with vintage fur.

I don't know if I would wear it out. But I struggle to keep warm while WFH in the winter so I may well wear it as my WFH warming coat.

What's your take on vintage fur? Would you?

Hi. I am looking for some perspective as I don't know wether I am right to be feeling quite sad or whether I need to get a grip and pull my big girls pants up.

DD 19 is going away to university this weekend and I have helped with getting her stuff together etc and we generally get on ok.

She is being assessed for autism too.

Thing is, she doesn't want me to see her new accommodation. AT ALL. We were meant to go and drop her off as a family and I was going to take a look at her halls. She said she wanted her dad to drop her off. Fair enough I thought. But, when I suggested that I will pop down at another time she said "why do you need to see it?" This turned into a bit of a row and quite frankly I'm pissed off.

How would you react/feel?

AIBU to want to punch the air?

Pray tell me your favourite olden day words.

I know I know, they’re not exactly literary greats.

But I can’t get enough of them. I’m on my fifth romantasy series back to back, I’ve read 19 books in the last 6 weeks! I just eat them up. My partner thinks I should broaden my horizons a bit because, in his words, it’s “fairy porn” without much value.

AIBU?

I met the most amazing man. Gentle, calm, sweet. My nervous system felt safe around him. After a few months I raised that he wasn’t very affectionate/sexual and I am, and it was making me feel a bit unwanted. I felt like a friend more than a partner. I wanted us to discuss it. He’s never had a relationship before (he’s 35) and is very reserved. He said he didn’t know how to show more affection in a way that felt natural to him.

we ended up agreeing to breakup. The next day I went on holiday with my kids. We didn’t talk for a few days. I realised I missed him and was being stupid, I had the most perfect man and surely love is more important than having more affection? So I messaged him to see if we could talk.

the next couple of weeks was back and forth but we arranged to meet and talk. I found his messages distant and cold but he is very reserved so that’s probably not how he meant to come across. At times I got annoyed and upset and sent long paragraphs like an idiot. He told me he wanted to fix it, that he cared about me etc.

it’s been a month since the initial split. But only a week since we were supposed to meet and talk. we didn’t meet because we ended up almost arguing over how he was coming across as unbothered. He said he felt it was best to end the relationship.

the last week I’ve been trying to fix it, suggesting to meet, explaining how I feel, giving him space, and he has now said he doesn’t think we can pick up where we left off.

theres 100% not another woman, he’s not the type. I’m his first ever girlfriend, the only thing I’m sure of is that there’s no other woman.

this is gonna be the nice guy I should’ve stayed with isn’t it?

he said as time went on he realised it couldn’t be fixed because of the way it was handled, he said he’d handled it badly and regretted it. He knows how hurt I am. The initial problem of affection is pretty much not an issue is it, it’s now how unbothered he comes across.

im heartbroken. His last message was simply “that’s a sweet message. But I don’t think we can pick up where we left off, I’m sorry.”.

ive asked why. He hasn’t replied.

im utterly devastated. If we had actually talked I’m sure it could have been resolved.

im a talker, i will talk and talk until its fixed. He’s more reserved and avoids conflict.

I get anxious with the silence so rush to fill it.

130am and can’t sleep as anxious about what he’ll say next. I told him in my message that I’d missed him etc, I didn’t get any reply to that bit. If he told me his feelings had gone it would hurt but at least I’d know

DH is working from home and I was doing the housework, I walked upstairs as a jet went over the house so it was really loud. We don’t live on a flight path so it was unusual. I went into his office and he literally jumped out of his skin and pressed the X to hide a teams message on screen. I asked about the jet just as another message popped up on teams from a woman called Joanna - he scrabbled to press the X again as fast as possible and was as red as a beetroot. The message said “yeah, it looked better in my head hahaha”.

His whole demeanour had changed and looked hugely guilty and caught out. I asked who he was messaging to which he said no one, i again asked who it was and he said a man from work - i told him i saw it was from a woman called Joanna. I asked why he was acting like this and looking so guilty and lying - he said it’s because he knew how I’d react. I am well aware he works in a mixed team and have never taken any issue to him having work conversations with other women so this is completely gas lighting on his part. I told him this was bull shit and to bring up the messages, he refused. I asked again and he locked his screen then picked up his mobile - he has teams on his phone so I am assuming he was deleting the messages. I asked if that’s what he was doing and he dug his heels in and shouted that there is nothing going on. I told him to prove it by showing the messages, he repeatedly refused and told me no as he didn’t feel he should have to prove himself, and then wouldn’t make eye contact with me.

if that was me and the conversation was innocent, I’d have brought up the messages and demanded an apology. Everything about him screamed red flag during that situation.

ive left the house and am currently in my car in a park, shaking and feeling sick. There surely can’t be any other explanation for his reaction and refusal to prove himself innocent?

we’ve never been in a situation like this, I’ve not had any cause to doubt him in the past. Been together for 15years.

Okay, so myself, DH and baby were at a country park the other week. Baby was getting hungry so we sat ourselves down on a park bench and got some food out. A woman was walking with her family and dog and the dog must’ve smelt the food as it suddenly
comes bounding over and is jumping at baby (who is on DH knee) to get the food. We don’t know this dog and don’t know what it's capable of. I scream at the owner that we have a baby and to get her dog under control. At this point, she’s pretty far away and is taking her time to come over. My DH then kicks the dog to get it off them as it just will not stop. The woman wasn’t particularly apologetic and seemed shocked. Did we overreact?

Please be gentle, I already feel like sh!t

ive taken my baby twice now to a playgroup type place. Every time a little girl aged 2+ (I’d say 2.5/3) came up to us multiple times, like every 3 mins, and kept saying, “baby baby baby baby” whilst touching my baby on the head/stroking.

The first time I thought she’d say hello and be off. But after the next and the next return I told the girl no touching but she either doesn’t understand or doesn’t listen. No parent in sight.

today I saw the mum, she’s either busy chatting to another mum or is on her phone. She said something to me about how the toddler just likes babies. The toddler again kept doing the same thing, and I was visibly uncomfortable the whole time. My baby didn’t cry was withdrew every time the toddler reached for her and looked confused and a bit intimidated. It culminated in the toddler throwing (thankfully a soft) ball at me and my baby (I hold her the whole time and feel very on edge). The ball hit my baby but she didn’t react as it was soft rubber.

I am very annoyed with myself. I am not ok with my daughter’s head being stroked. I don’t want objects thrown at us. I am upset because as I walked away today I realised I was teaching my baby girl unwanted physical contact should be tolerated. I feel awful.

I don’t want to stop going to this place, it’s a nice setting. How would you respond in my shoes? How can I stop this?

today my baby was the only one there but last week there were quite a few others but still the toddler only wanted mine

My partner and I (I’m mid 40s, he’s late 40s) have been together five years, and he moved into my house almost three years ago. I have one DC (10) and he has grown up DC. He pays half the utility bills and a small rent contribution as I can’t have a grown adult living in my house for free. I was hoping that he’d use this as an opportunity to save so we could build a life together. I’m financially stable and have worked incredibly hard to pay off my mortgage so that I can have savings behind me and enjoy things like going abroad in the school holidays.

BF lost his well paid corporate job 18 months ago and decided that he wanted to be self employed. Unfortunately that hasn’t worked out, but he says that he will never work for someone else again. I can see he’s put a lot of effort in, and really seems to believe he’s onto something big. I value financial stability so the past 18 months have caused me a great deal of stress and he gets very defensive when I bring it up. He had some savings, but I suspect that he has burned through most of them.

I had so much hope for our future and I thought I’d finally found a proper grown up that I could build a life with. He was talking about buying a house together in the next couple of years which sounds pretty delusional. I’ve come to the realisation that he’s not someone I can trust financially. He’s got no financial security behind him and that worries me sick.

I’ve been looking at renting a small office a couple of days a week for extra private work (He doesn’t want me seeing clients at home as would find this intrusive) and he made a comment about what good value it is. He got really offended when I pointed out that the cost of this is half of what he contributes to live in my house and he found my comment emasculating.

He’s essentially a nice person, helpful around the house and generally easy to live with but I’ve been anxious about his work situation for well over a year. He was very offended when I said that this isn’t what I signed up for. I know he’s upset that I’m not more supportive but I just can’t help the way I feel.

I think this is the end for us. I’m so disappointed. Any similar experiences here?

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!

In a petrol station buying a coffee at nine thirty in the morning. Looking down realised that the young woman behind me was wearing obvious pyjamas. And slippers. Then looking up to see a fluffy cream dressing gown.

I can't decide if it matters. I was brought up to believe that it shows a complete lack of self respect, and a lack of respect for anyone else, but does it, these days?

YABU. Perfectly normal wear for filling up your car.

YANBU. What is the world coming to that anyone thinks that's reasonable.