Throwaway username for this!

My DSis had an abroad wedding this summer. We were over there for a few days before, during which there was a couple of different ‘events’ including a welcome dinner.

At this dinner, one of her bridesmaids was having what I deemed to be an inappropriate conversation. In ear shot of this, were various older family members who wouldn’t have wanted to hear such (sexual) comments. I followed the bridesmaid to the bathroom and politely suggested she reined in the conversation topics. Which she did.

This was a few days before the wedding. The next morning, my sister sent me a series of shitty messages suggesting I was over reacting, there was drink involved so there would obviously be ‘adult conversations’ and she didn’t appreciate me causing potential issues before her Wedding. I explained why I pulled her up and left it at that. Not all family members present were drinking.

Post Wedding, she is now incredibly off with me and actively avoiding having to spend any time with me.

I have consulted others who agree with what I did but I would welcome some impartial feedback. Should I have left it given the circumstances, or was I right to have said something?

My mum and dad split up 5 years ago as my mum had an affair. My dad was completely devastated. My mum apparently regretted it and they tried to save their relationship but after trying for about a year, my dad said he couldn’t get over it and they split up.

My relationship with my mum never really recovered. I hate cheating and my mum says my dad was a great husband, she just got flattered by the other man. She told me it was her biggest regret and cried a lot but I just couldn’t see her in the same light again. Sometimes I think I hate her.

I have recently found out that she has been seeing the man that she had an affair with again, for at least 18 months. She doesn’t know that I know.

My mum is struggling financially and has asked us to lend her money. Apparently she is facing losing her house. I have refused to give her the money because I feel so resentful of what she has done to our family and that she is now seeing this man again and I am ready to cut her out of my life completely.

AIBU?

I am getting married in January. It’s a small registry office style wedding with a sit down meal at a local restaurant afterwards. It’s a week-day because the cost was double on the weekend and there was no availability for quite a while.

The first thing that came out of my mum’s mouth was that she would have to take the day off unpaid. Nothing nice or celebratory about the actual day at all so far. She has the money to take the day off and she regularly takes days off work for other occasions (friends birthdays etc). She is now complaining to everyone about the loss of money.

My dad was more positive but straight away tried to dictate who was going and how the day was going etc, and that sense of entitlement to the day. He has also been making a few comments recently that he thinks is funny but is actually hurtful, and it’s got to the point where I would rather not speak to him if I don’t have to or be around him.

AIBU to un-invite both of my parents to my wedding? And could someone help me draft a message to them both? I have never really confronted them about anything before, I know this will be a big step but I need to do it to avoid them ruining the day.

So a few weeks ago, there was what I perceived as a jokey conversation going on and another mum said her stepson was as gay as they come. I jokingly said that she wouldn’t be getting any grandchildren from him any time soon then. To me, i was just joining in on the jokey conversation and that’s all it was. I have now been ostracised and reported to the safeguarding lead officer at the sports club this happened at. People who were my friends have taken her side because she’s made it far more of a thing than it was and my children have even been told things that are far from true. I almost feel that this person is now trying to bully us out of the club. Adult bullying is by far the most horrible situation I’ve ever experienced.

My DD is meant to wear a lanyard at college with her student pass in it - she needs it to get in/out of buildings, buy lunch etc. She has ADHD and lost/forgot it most days last year until she started keeping her pass in her phone case and all was well from then on.

Fast forward to yr13 and shes Head Girl and been told she has to physically wear the lanyard to lead by example. Day 3 and she’s lost it already and is distraught.

Anyone got any tried and tested tips or solutions to help?

Thought I would start this year's thread as there are plenty of folk starting to chat about Christmas makes, bakes and crafts on the Christmas boards.

Wherever you are, Fellatio, here's to you. I hope you're brining a turkey and had crafting authentic organic woven tinsel somewhere!

Here is Fellatio's traditional thread opening:

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you"

Welcome, all, and let the Poncing commence!

<cuts metaphorical christmas ribbon>

🎄🎄🎄🎄

After reading a few threads on the cost of living I wondered if we could share tips for living a like that feels luxury on a bit of a budget?

My tips are home baking, even simple easy to make cakes are much nicer than even expensive store bought and served with a nice pot of tea or a coffee at home is more affordable and enjoyable than paying for a dried out, bought in cake sold in most cafes for 4 times the price.

Also instead of expensive candles I either use a little portable essential oil diffuser with essential oils or wax melts. I burn them in the hall and they seem to fragrance he whole house really nicely without being too strong.

Any other tips?

To think that Burnham’s words are going to haunt his premiership?

‘…national security can’t come at the expense of social security…’

Is there an expectation that people's toilets should have an air freshener in? Like a spray air freshener?

We always have air freshener in both our toilets in case friends or family get caught short when visiting us or even to freshen the bathroom after having a wee if necessary, so I hate it if I go to a friend/family members house and they have none.

I get some people may be affected by asthma but surely if you had asthma you wouldn't use it?

We have a glade air freshener at work that sprays into the space where the wash handbasins are for example.

A fellow school mum popped in to drop some things off for me to take up to the school (I volunteer Thursday afternoon).

While she was here, I got tonight’s dinner out of the oven. I always make something in a tray on Thursdays as it’s a busy day for everyone (me, dh, ds 23, dd 13 and dd 6). It’s a cluster fuck of afterschool clubs, dh working from the office, ds on a late shift. So it just makes sense to have something in a tray that everyone can help themselves to and eat at different times; it’s only me and the 6 year old here at our usual dinner time on a Thursday.

Today I made sausage and bean pie. Sausages cut up, mixed with beans, cheesy mash on top. Easier than sausage, mash and beans kept separately IMO, when people are grabbing dinner.

Lazy bitch, aren’t I? Stay at home mum as well, I should be standing in the kitchen whipping up a three course meal whenever anyone wants to eat.

Anyway, I got it out the oven and you should have seen her face. Appalled that I would feed my family cut up beans and sausages and that were weren’t all going to sit around the table to a freshly prepared meal (we would all have to wait until about 9pm on a Thursday to eat together at the table, sod that).

She would never feed her family this meal. I did ask, would she feed them sausage and mash. Yes, she said. So I asked what the difference was. “This isn’t fresh! You don’t work, you could have made it this evening.” okay, crazy lady.

Anyway, lighthearted as she’s a silly cow, but here’s a photo of the offending dinner that horrified her.

Imagine commenting on someone’s dinner prep 🤣 what a sad life.

Trigger warning. It’s a horrific read

https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/israel-security/2026-09-08/ty-article-magazine/.premium/baby-an-update-hes-just-died-israeli-guards-texts-reveal-abuse-in-prison/000001a0-7ab4-d46f-a5ef-7bbe46360000

‘We got tired of beating them': After a Palestinian prisoner died at Ketziot Prison in 2023, investigators uncovered Israeli Prison Service guards boasting about beatings and implicating their commanders

Only the spilled blood bore witness to what happened in Cell 6 of Wing 24 at Ketziot Prison in November 2023. Those involved that night maintained the prison's usual code of silence. But WhatsApp messages the guards exchanged as events unfolded, later seized by investigators, revealed some of the horror.

"You're going to be proud of me, of my shift. After what happened, the count took two hours and 23 minutes. Draw your own conclusions," one female guard wrote to her partner, also a guard. She added: "They're doing CPR in the clinic right now, baby! God willing, that son of a thousand whores will die."

Another guard sent an excited update: "Holy shit, what a count. We fucked them up so bad." A third texted a friend: "What an insane count. There's never been anything like it. We poured cheese on them, cracked some eggs [the Hebrew word for eggs is also slang for testicles]. So much blood in the wings." She then added: "OMG, they're doing CPR on a prisoner because we beat him. He's dead. Listen, it's funny how it all happened in an instant: Boom, count. Boom, dead prisoner."

Welcome to Thread 7 🥳
A huge thank you to @ilovepond @OvaHere, @JoRaRaRa and @Thelifeofawife
for the previous threads, and to everyone who had been sharing spoilers, information. links, bargains, discount codes and enabling each other over the first 6 threads. ❤️
As agreed, we're taking it in turns to start each new thread this year. If this thread starts getting close to the reply limit, please post to let everyone know you're happy to start the next one so we can avoid duplicate threads.
🎅 A few festive housekeeping notes;
🎁 This thread contains spoilers.
🎄 Please be kind and respectful to one another.
💸 No judging anyone for their purchasing choices (or how many calendars they buy... we're all enablers here! 😂).
🎀 Feel free to share spoilers, offers, discount codes, GWPs, delivery updates and stock alerts.

🎁 Available Now:
Boots launch 01/09 for waitlist then 2/09 for general sale
www.boots.com/christmas/advent-calendars/advent-calendar-waiting-list
Luxe £150
beauty-detective.com/boots-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Scent £90
beauty-detective.com/boots-12-days-of-scent-advent-calendar-2026/
Skin £70
beauty-detective.com/boots-24-days-of-skin-advent-calendar-2026/
Liberty – £285 (Beauty Drop members receive £25 off). Full contents revealed. Beauty Drop member pre order has closed and those advents are being dispatched. The advent will go on general sale soon (BD members still qualify for the discount during the general sale)
www.libertylondon.com/uk/features/beauty/beauty-advent-calendar#
Unboxing
P. Louise – £250. Available to pre-order with payment instalments available.
^https://plouise.co.uk/collections/wonderful-world-of-p-louise-advent-calendar/products/what-glows-around-2026-advent-calendar^
John Lewis – £250. Available on pre-sale via the app for MyJL members.
^https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/^
Harrods Beauty Advent Calendar – £270. Now on sale online and in-store
^https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284475^
Harrods 12 Days of Hair & Body – £99. Now on sale online and in-store
^https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-12-days-of-hair-and-body-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284465^
Harrods Fragrance Advent Calendar – £225. Pre-sale sold out. Went on sale in-store 1/9.
^https://beauty-detective.com/harrods-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^
Vogue Festive Calendar – £355. Available to pre-order
^https://shop.vogue.co.uk/products/vogue-festive-calendar-2026^
Fortnum & Mason Beauty Advent Calendar - £275. Available now
^https://www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnums-beauty-advent-calendar-2026^
Fenwick 25 day beauty advent calendar - £250. Available now
https://fenwick.co.uk/products/fenwick-fenwick-beauty-25-day-advent-calendar-2026
Anthropologie 24 Day Beauty Advent Calendar – £98. Available now
^https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/24-days-of-beauty-advent-calendar5^
The Fragrance Shop - Available for pre-order £120 members, £150 non-members
Women's Advent Calendar
^https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76306^
Men's Advent Calendar ^https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76307^
Selfridges
Beauty & Fragrance £250. Went on sale 1/9, but appears to be ‘sold out’ at present.
^https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/^
Elle £197 or £187 if you joined the waitlist
^https://beauty-detective.com/elle-advent-calendar-2026/^
LookFantastic Beauty. Available for pre-order:
https://www.lookfantastic.com/p/beauty-box/the-beauty-advent-calendar-worth-over-665/17691363/
LookFantastic Fragrance. Available for pre-order:
https://www.lookfantastic.com/p/beauty-box/the-fragrance-advent-calendar-worth-over-530/17691405/
Glossybox. £90 or £75 for subscribers. Code: KAREN5 may give £5 off the £90. Available now:
https://www.glossybox.co.uk/p/beauty-box/glossybox-2026-advent-calendar-worth-over-645/17691528/
OK Beauty Box advent/Hannah Martin. Available now £109:
https://www.okbeautybox.co.uk/products/the-ok-beauty-box-advent-calendar?srsltid=AfmBOoppTH5x1vrf3PT8oCWpKiUj111T5PdA8IBPKCjA9SYOpugUFCBJ

Cult Beauty £245 - £20 gift voucher back when buying at launch 03/09 early access.
^https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/c/advent-calendar/^
Harvey Nichols
Due to the recent takeover, it’s unclear if these a/cs are still going ahead for 2026. Details TBC.
Beauty:
^https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-75896-258491/^
Fragrance:
^https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-12-days-of-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026-75906-258490/^
John Lewis Fragrance £99 - appeared briefly for sale 1/9 online but this seems to have been a glitch.
^https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^
Space NK £275
^https://www.spacenk.com/uk/gifts/beauty-advent-calendars/beauty-advent-calendar-MUK200063764.html^
Unboxing video
Sephora UK
Spoilers:
^https://beauty-detective.com/sephora-uk-advent-calendar-2026/^
Waitlist: ^https://www.sephora.co.uk/c/beauty-advent-calendar-waitlist^
Fragrance - current thinking is that this will cost £225 and launch around 30/9-1/10
^https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/^
Next £150 launching 3/9:
^https://beauty-detective.com/next-beauty-advent-calendar-2026^/
Debenhams £120
^https://www.debenhams.com/pages/beauty-advent-calendar^
PURESEOUL £140 (first year they are doing an advent)
beauty-detective.com/pureseoul-advent-calendar-2026/
Jo Malone Waitlist:
www.jomalone.co.uk/advent-calendar-signup?
Jo Loves Waitlist:
https://www.joloves.com/pages/a-jo-loves-advent-calendar?
💄 More Calendars & Spoilers
Rather than making the opening post a mile long, here's a brilliant roundup of lots more advent calendars and the latest spoilers, including Charlotte Tilbury, Elemis, Lancôme, Tatcha, NEOM, Neal's Yard Remedies, Holland & Barrett, YesStyle and many more as they're announced.
👉 ^https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars^/ 👈

Does anyone have any good recommendations for a harness to reduce pulling on the lead. We have a 6mth golden retriever who is pulling a lot and I keep seeing ads for Paropet harnesses which are meant to help with this (lead attaches at the front not on the back) but has anyone used this or similar?

Her current harness does have a clip on the chest and I used that today and she pulled a lot less but it felt like the lead was getting in the way of her leg. She has almost outgrown the harness anyway so I’m in the market for a new one and would like to with something that might help with the pulling….

What age is appropriate to explain periods/menstrual cycle to daughter?

I have a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. In the swimming pool changing room bathroom today they saw the free period products on the sink and asked what they are.

I gave a non committal answer in that moment because I wanted more time to think how I respond, and also we were running a bit late for their lesson.

I figure there’s no reason why I can’t tell them - it’s part of life etc. I’m just not sure of the best way to phrase it.

And I’m leaning towards tailoring the answer per child, giving my seven year old daughter a bit more info…?

Today I went for my usual eye check up. £40.
Asked if I wanted photos taking of behind my eyes to check my eye health additional £20.
My prescription has gone up to - 5 in both eyes.
So needed a pair of frames, £100. Wasn't even the expensive pairs.

And then I was told they have 3 different price ranges for thinning the lenses. If I don't have them thinned they stick out like a eyesore.
£80 to have them slightly thinned, £140 for medium thinned o £200 for super thinned.

Walked out £300 lighter!
Now I wear glasses all the time I am blind as a bat without them but jesus christ I nearly died at the expense.
Two years ago it cost me £200 for the same thing now £100 increase! Aibu to think opticians are taking the piss and becoming like dentists?

A bit of advice need to how to handle this situation. So dd is 15 and walks to and from school. It’s about a 10 min walk so not far and dd has a group of friends, including one of our neighbours dd, who all walk together. Today we have had torrential rain all day so I dropped her this morning and said I’d pick her up. Messaged my neighbour (who works until 7pm) and asked if she’d also like me to pick up her dd. She said yes please so I’ve rocked up outside school to pick the two of them up. While there I see dd’s friend who lives about. 20 min walk but only a 7 min drive away and offered her a lift too and it was genuinely pouring down. She was very grateful and I know her mum so I knew she’d have no problem with it. All in all the extra drop off took me an extra 15mins and we were home at 3.10pm instead of the usual 2.55pm. Neighbour has completely kicked off that I didn’t tell her I was picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car. She said we’ll be chatting about it tonight when she’s back home. Not sure what I’ve done wrong tbh

I am planning an extension and reconfiguration of our current utility room. I’d like to keep our freestanding washing g machine (Miele, 16+ years old but still going strong) and tumble dryer (Bosch, again 16+ years old but doing really well). I see photos everywhere of washing machines and dryers that don’t sit directly on the floor, some are stacked (washer on the bottom, dryer on top), some have drawers below/in between to pull out and rest a basket whilst loading and unloading, some have storage below etc.

I am practical above everything else. Much as I’d like to be able to create a pretty utility room and stack the dryer or raise the washing machine, I am unsure whether this is a good idea when you have heavy machines, as I do, and older machines, as I do, which are more likely to need easy access to repair.

Please would someone with experience of repairing machines or fixing leaks or anything like this give me their view?

I don’t want to proceed with creating something that looks great and creates more useable space of what I’m really doing is creating a problem in the short terms

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

AIBU to get annoyed when people use the term ‘screaming’ to describe shouting or using a loud voice?

It seems to be more common in the USA but I’ve heard it creeping into terminology over here too.

Screaming is the noise made when, for example, you’re on a rollercoaster or being murdered (extra loud if being murdered whilst sampling the delights of Alton Towers’ highest ride I suppose?)

It fucking winds me up when I hear people describe an interaction as ‘they screamed at me’ when reporting on an incident where the other party did some slight shouting.

Why do people do this? Screaming, in my experience, is a pretty rare occurrence outside infant school playgrounds when kids are dicking around/theme parks/occasions where genuine fear or unregulated excitement happens.

If you’re one of these folk who say screaming when you mean a raised voice why do you do it?

My husband has been offered a job in Australia. Neither is us can find full time work in the uk and we know we’ll need to sell our house in two years if this carries on. We are relieved to say the least. We’ve both lived abroad plenty so it’s something we know we can deal with.

The problem is my eldest son has literally last week just started a levels.
There are zero schools or colleges that do a levels where we would be going, it’s all IB.

Boarding won’t be an option or living apart, we’re a very close family and would find that traumatic.

Has anybody else been in this position? I don’t see how we can make this work because of education and think we’ll have to turn it down. (We know he’d be allowed domestic fees for university but I don’t know further information). My son is bright and hardworking and we don’t want to wreck his prospects

My MIL is a really lovely woman but she has this thing of insisting we see her on specific special days: DS' birthday, mother's day, Christmas Day etc.
And there's no compromise at all, it has to be ON THE DAY, not the day after or next weekend. If it's not on the day she gets really upset.

DH feels we just need to accommodate this but I think we need to set better boundaries. I'm keen to get an outside perspective on what's a reasonable compromise here. MIL obviously feels she's compromising because she says "you only need to see me for a few hours, not the full day" but to me that's not really a compromise.

Examples..

Mother's Day - We had to reschedule my first Mother's Day to a different day

Christmas Day - We planned to spend the day with my family but I said we could see MIL (and DH's family) all day Christmas Eve / Boxing Day / any day they chose! But she was insistent we came to hers for part of Christmas day. I offered an hour or two in the morning or evening. She insisted both and much longer than 1-2 hours. We ended up getting there for 8am(!), going to my family in the middle of the day, returning to MIL's in the late afternoon and then going home so spending about a third of the day in the car. DH admitted it had been far too much when we were on our way home.

The just random things like she was adamant she needed DS to come to the airport with DH when she came back from holiday. I had had something arranged on that day for months with my family, several of whom were traveling really far to us, and she wanted us to cut it short so DS could go to the airport. In her mind that was a fair compromise, whereas I was firmly of the mindset of no, it's not happening at all, we can't accommodate it.

Now that DS' first birthday is coming up in November and then we have the second Christmas, it's already starting again! We want to take DS on a really big day out on his actual birthday to the Zoo which will already be quite an undertaking and she's starting with "As long as I get to see him for at least part of the day.."

I don't want to be mean. Ungrateful. Fall out with anyone. But to me this isn't fair or sustainable. Compromise would look like 'we'll see you the day after' or 'we'll spend Christmas Day with you next year' not us cramming in as much as possible just to accommodate it all happening on the specific day!

AIBU to want to set stricter boundaries..?

We have recently handed over the keys to the agent of a rented property. We still have the inventory from when we moved in. It was in a state and we had to spend a few days cleaning it and mowing the overgrown garden. We cleaned cobwebs and the oven was dirty, etc,

We have cleaned the whole house again for moving out. It still has the original carpets. In fact, hardly anything has been done in the house over the last 15 years we lived there.

The agent has sent us a report stating that the house needs further cleaning and is only in a 'fair' state, with cobwebs, etc, which we cleaned.

We showed them the original inventory and said that we were advised that the house should be handed over in the same condition as when we moved in. The agent said they are going to disregard the original inventory and it's now down to the landlord.

Is this fair? I don't know what to do next. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

A continuation of our continuing discussion of our favourite private citizens! 😁

What would you do in this situation, I will be as brief as possible.

I was diagnosed with MS in 2023, and it was obviously very upsetting and a difficult time. I was admitted to hospital for a week and then stayed with my mum because I was too tired to get up the stairs etc. and her house was more suitable.
DH and I had discussed getting a small extension before this started. In my absence DH discussed with an architect who was recommended to him and went ahead with drawing plans and submitting to planning. With hindsight this was a scam, and DH was naive in trusting him. I was very unwell and unable to fully understand what was going on.
The plan was rejected by planning, changed slightly and rejected again.
I then made a recovery and stabilised. I contacted a local architect I know who spent a lot of time studying the local plan and history of our house. He spoke to the planning dept and tweaked the plans. They passed, we have the permission and are starting the work next week.
I can see very clearly that the 1st architect was either very bad at his job or a scammer. The work proposed had no fit with the local plan and was far too big. The revised plan was no better.
The new architect has also shown us that the drawings the original architect did are incorrect by up to 10cm in places.
I have written to him and been fobbed off. The original architect's work cost £4000. I am considering taking him to small claims court and wanted advice on whether there was any value in doing this? I feel very upset we were ripped off at such a vulnerable time and do not want him to carry on doing this to other people.
Thanks for any advice you can give.

We have been on the hunt for a bigger house for a few years. A lovely home has come on the market in a street close by to us.

The only issue is that several of the neighbours’ houses are quite unkempt and not in great shape. Think rubbish in the yard, not well maintained etc. However, I am reliably informed by a friend who knows these homeowners through the school community that they are lovely people. So as neighbours they would be no problem, it’s really more that the approach to the house is not at all aesthetically pleasing.

For further context, we are by no means the most house proud people in our street, and there are times when our place needs a bit of work, but these houses are a level again of neglect, rather than just “I couldn’t be bothered to do the gardening for a few months” sort of situation.

AIBU to seriously consider buying this house, even though the street is not outwardly the best?