Continuing the criticism…still interested, still not bored….

Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

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You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

Is there an expectation that people's toilets should have an air freshener in? Like a spray air freshener?

We always have air freshener in both our toilets in case friends or family get caught short when visiting us or even to freshen the bathroom after having a wee if necessary, so I hate it if I go to a friend/family members house and they have none.

I get some people may be affected by asthma but surely if you had asthma you wouldn't use it?

We have a glade air freshener at work that sprays into the space where the wash handbasins are for example.

After seeing electric nail files on social media, I am tempted to get one because my toe nails are getting tougher as I age (now 63).

However, I know there is a lot of 'puff' around social media product promotion, so I am wondering if these are really easy to use and better than giving your nails a soak before cutting.

If you have an electric nail file, please post how much you like it and which brand you have. TIA

Hiya
Can anyone help me? I flew on Ryanair alone with my toddler, and they completely broke my buggy. I couldn't push it and was stranded at the airport! It was a gift from someone no longer with us but they are insisting i need a receipt/proof of purchase which i dont have. Has anyone got proof of purchase for a joolz hub +?

Hi I wonder what everyone’s thoughts were on this, if you were able to private message someone on a forum, someone you hadn’t seen from childhood for 40+ years and hope never to see again would you tell them what a vile bully they were?

What’s going with M & S women’s knitwear? Filtered my search on the website and there are no cotton jumpers or indeed wool. Cashmere and merino available but everything else is poly blends or supposedly wool rich with 6% wool! Menswear has a much greater range in natural fabrics. I loved the cotton cardigans they used to offer in a range of colours as I could buy smaller for a more fitted look but they have none at all. They also washed and tumble dried brilliantly without shrinking. (I know Mumsnet doesn’t usually approve of cardigans, but I love them).
Can anyone suggest affordable alternatives for jumpers and cardigans (up to around £50)?

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

We had to cancel DD's birthday party the day before due to her having S&D. We'd have gone through with it if it was a runny nose but not S&D, as much for our guests as well as her.

Anyway, most of the vendors (hall, entertainment etc) have honoured bookings in changing the date without charge given the circumstances.

As for the cake, she wants to charge us again. Now, for context, she had not finished the cake, had not started icing or decorating it. What's more, once I informed her the party couldn't go ahead, she said she'd pop the sponge in the freezer to be used for another time.

Now we have a new date arranged I have contacted her (2 days later) and asked if the sponge will last (Google says it will) until the party in a couple of weeks and if she's available to decorate it and deliver it on that date.

She's come back saying she didn't freeze it in the end and instead gave it to her neighbour, and now expects us to pay again for a new cake?!
If she'd iced it and it was ready to go then I would completely understand. However, given that it's just a change of date, am I being unreasonable to have expected her to just to use the sponge for us, or even used the sponge for another customer and then made it fresh. Either way to me seems reasonable as she'd not be using extra resources or time.
I can of course understand she might have got an extra customer (money) on the later date but it wouldn't have caused her extra costs.

Am I being being completely unreasonable?
If the cake was decorated I'd have never asked her to redo the whole thing for free but given that she said she was freezing the sponge surely it would be reasonable for her to do it free of charge (or a nominal fee if anything extra is needed)?

I kind of know it is but can’t seem to stay away … anyone else?

I will preface by saying I’m the most un-confrontational person.

Having breakfast yesterday DD5 says to me:
”Daisy” told me at school on Friday that “Daisy’s” mummy doesn’t like you.

This girls mum is stony faced, never says good morning and ignores me on the playground. I tried to make friends a couple of months ago as she got very close with another mum friend of mine, the three of us have hung out a few times- I thought we were at least friendly with each other. I’ve never done anything to upset her.

Honestly I’d like to confront her about it- I’m not at all bothered she doesn’t like me. But the fact bringing the kids into it doesn’t sit right with me. By all means don’t like me but don’t bitch about me to/in ear shot of your daughter. Also it’s not exactly how I envisioned having the hard conversation with a 5 year old that not everyone you will meet in life will be your friend or kind about you.

I’d just say something like:
DD5 had told me that you’ve said to Daisy that you don’t like me. This is fine, I have no problems and I’m sorry if I’ve ever done anything to upset you. But what I don’t appreciate is getting the children involved as it’s not fair on them.

I will well and truly have to put my big girl pants on to do this as I don’t like confrontation, especially with people I don’t really know. But I feel I have to stand up for what is right.

What doesn’t really help is that the girls are in Year one at the moment, there is only 4 girls in the class of 9 and we live in a small village so don’t want there to be any bad blood.

Thoughts please?! 🙏

My MIL 70 has just inherited 1.85M net. She was given another house when in her twenties which due to where it was in the world ended up having to be abandoned, though means she has never paid rent or mortgage in her life. She did only have 50k to her name previous to this big windfall. She doesn’t have access to a pension (mistakes in her life / living in the wrong places).

She has 2 children, 37M, 43M. The youngest has a 5yr old child (her only GC). Relationship positive with both.

37M owns a property but in reality only owns the mortgage (340k mortgage). He doesn’t struggle but retains 2 jobs at once in order to live a nice life and have a nice property.

43M is mentally ill, has never retained a proper job, cannot access many benefits where he lives and has a wife who comes from a very poor country with no career herself. They live on the breadline if not lower.

MIL has declared that she is going to keep the full inheritance for herself however will gift each child with 50k as a present.

Firstly I’m fully aware there is a huge difference in thinking between the generations. As a millennial I cannot morally understand the decision. I would never in a million years do this to my beautiful child. I’m so aware of the struggles we have had and can only imagine the struggles in his thirties to get on the property ladder. My hope is we can buy him a small property when he’s older so he can be mortgage free from starting point, all of this to be done with our own investments and money.

The moral question has actually nothing to do with money. If she had none no one would care, if she only got 100k and wanted to keep it, it wouldn’t be questionable as she needs it.

However and big however, she’s just been lumped with 1.85M tax free, and it just doesn’t compute that she believes the relationship with her children and GC will continue if she chooses to do this. The decision is hers and hers only but for anyone who believes she’s morally correct, why I ask would you think your children would ever be ok, forgive you or want to spend anytime ever again with you?

It’s hers to make, but it’s selfish without a doubt. Keeping 95% of that money for her to spend Willy nilly seems crazy while thinking she can retain a relationship with the people she has hurt in this equation.

Personally I think she deserves a nice home, a good investment portfolio but that can all be done within 1.5M no problem at all. If she shared just 350k between her 2 children she would change their lives, they would forever be incredibly grateful, and it would promote to showing how much she cares for them and for a very positive relationship until her death.

The question is simply anyone who agrees with her, are you aware of the rupture and consequent lonely rest of life you would live in your million dollar home as your kids will now likely abandon you?

thanks!

I will try to not make this too long, but also not drip feed. Please help me distinguish reasonable actions from my own emotions because, to put it simply, everything's at stake.

Been with DP for 4 years and, on the whole, it's a very loving relationship. He's good to me and my kids, fun to be around, reliable and helpful, contributes financially to my household. We don't live together but spend much (most) of the week at each other's homes (although more mine than his), as well as every weekend and holidays.

At the same time, it's been a turbulent relationship (I know that sounds odd after what I've just said, but it can be both good and turbulent, as it's about very defined areas of problems, i.e. one problem = his adult daughters). I have a good relationship with his youngest DD (early 20s) who lives with him, but his eldest (30) who lives away doesn't want to have anything to do with me. At times she's been really rude to me and various members of my family. Most recent example is a message she sent where she was incredibly rude and disrespectful (before blocking me, so I couldn't even respond - a coward's move, IMO). My DP did reprimand her, sort of, via text and heavily prompted by me, which I hate as I don't think it's my job to stand up for this relationship and my dignity, but his. I think left to his own devices he would just always avoid all conflict. He is very scared she will cut him out of his life.

I feel I've come to the end with being able to accept that he doesn't stand up for me of his own free will, and that when he sees her he doesn't feel a shred of annoyance, resentment or anger about the awful ways she's behaved. I understand we all love our children, and I understand he's scared of losing her. I'm not even saying that he should necessarily show her that he's upset about her bad behaviour, but simply that he should feel something for me, the way she's treated me (in other words, show ME - show some kind of outrage, empathy, solidarity). If someone mistreated my DP, even if it was my kids, I'd be pretty livid. I know people are different, and I know men and women can be very different in their emotional processing. But still. How can it be true that he loves me, but that he doesn't feel anything when someone repeatedly hurts me?

The other thing is that, when she comes to stay at his, although at all other times I'm (more than) welcome in his house, there's an expectation that I won't come while she's there. Now, I get that it's her former home, she still has a room there. But, at all other times, I have complete access to his house, not just that but he's even repeatedly hosted friends of mine for long weekends (because the house is big and has spare rooms and bathrooms), but when his daughter is there, the quiet understanding is that I'm not welcome. But, just as an example, we're spending Xmas at mine this year and he of course invited her too. I knew she would say no, but that's not the point. So, she's meant to be always welcome in my house, but I'm not only not welcome at family events, but also my own partner's house when she's there? It strikes me as very unfair and unreasonable.

I've been living with this for a while, and this morning I woke up and thought, I don't know if I love him any more. This has seriously eroded my feelings for him. It's a huge shame, as four years is a lot of time together and he's amazing in many ways and I love(d) him possibly more than any other man before him, including my ex husband. But this continued unfairness and indignity has eaten away at the core of our connection.

YABU - this is a reasonable compromise in a complicated family dynamic because parents will always put their children first, even when they're nearly 30, and most women would find a way to live with this, even if it hurts them

YANBU - this is a major breach of love and loyalty towards me on his side, and if he's not prepared to let her know that his home is always open to me, I should walk away even after 4 years together.

Can I just say (if you're read this far), if you're not divorced and in a relationship with a man who's got adult kids, you won't have any kind of realistic perspective on a situation of this kind. I'm looking for some thoughtful and considered responses based in first hand experience of these kinds of dynamics - thank you (and I'll disregard any responses that are rude or unkind, as often I see "pile ons" when it comes to these kinds of questions)

Hi - all help grgreatfully accepted - I sometimes get sweaty face
so end up not wearing make up but going to a Halloween party next month so keen to do what I can to look at least ok x

Hope to find some sensible opinions here before I (possibly) waste loads of money (and so sorry i just posted this on an existing thread by mistake).

My house has a separate dining room and kitchen with a hallway between the two leading to a toilet. I want to knock the walls down to create one large room but keep the toilet as it’s very useful. To cover all bases:
1 no I can’t afford to put the toilet anywhere else it would make the job too expensive

1. I want to keep the toilet (it’s a shower too) rather than get rid of it as it’s useful.

would you buy a house with a toilet in the middle of a big open plan room?

I’ve created some excellent architectural designs to show you what I mean (by excellent I mean a bit shit)

Thank you to anyone who can be bothered to respond

I just need to get something off my chest really and am interested in other people's views.

Myself and my DP have been together just over a year. We have a really good relationship and see eachother a lot.
We live separately at the moment but he stays with myself and Ds frequently.

Now, from the start he was honest and said he never wanted children. I am ok with this. I have a 9 year old Ds with autism and I haven't even considered anymore children.
We agreed to take things slow at first, I wanted to see how our relationship went before introducing him to Ds so we waited 6 months, just so we knew where we were at with our relationship. Also, this is my first relationship since splitting with Ds' father.

My Ds and Dp get on great and there's been a lot of talk of us moving in together.
Then yesterday Dp brought up our future and said he couldn't marry me cos he didn't want to be legally tied to my DS.

My Ds has a father and I am not expecting anything from him in that regard. He doesn't even have to be a step dad if he doesn't want to. But he said that if we marry and divorce, because of my Ds additional needs he could be financially responsible for child maintenance .

I have never heard of this before and even if this was the case, and I wouldn't go down that route anyway.

I appreciate his honesty, but it hurts a little.
I did want to marry one day and now it feels like he can't trust me to do the right thing if things go wrong.

I love ice cream. A nice creamy strawberry ice cream, or maybe a raspberry ripple, or just plain vanilla. I'm happy to pay extra for good quality ice cream.

But one thing that has irked me in recent years is the prevalence of vegan ice cream being sold just as "ice cream". This is especially true at the theatre, where little tubs are sold during the interval and no where does it say the ice cream is vegan. Its too late when you've forked over £5 for a little tub of strawberry ice cream just to find out it's vegan and tastes nothing like a proper strawberry ice cream from the same brand.

For what it's worth, I'm vegetarian and eat a lot of vegan foods. For things like sorbet obviously it's no problem, but why ice cream?

Ten days out, but forecast for an upcoming European city break is suggesting a fair chance of (heavy) rain alongside mid-upper twenties temps.

It will be as it will be - I’m not worrying it will
ruin the trip or anything - but wondering if anyone had any bright ideas for dressing to suit this. I’d like to be reasonably stylish, but not soggy after downpours (floaty linen I think will be a bad idea).

I think I’ll put out my autumn decorations! Has anyone put there’s out yet (for those of you that do!) I’m late I know but I just didn’t feel autumny until this weekend 🤣

Would you ignore, none of your business, or start shouting and berating them and refusing to do the activity you'd planned until you'd tidied things up?

Or say 'Bloody Hell, It's a mess in here,do you want some help?

Or something else?

I am just trying to gauge what is within the realms of 'normal' in this situation!

I posted last week about my 18 year old accessing his child ISA account. Things have escalated but him accessing that money is the least of my worries now. I thought I would start a new thread rather than continue the old one.

My DS went to stay with a friend for a few days and then randomly came home the other morning. (He has a history of self medicating for his ADHD with cannabis and he is now most probably addicted and destroying his life. He has recently lost his job). I heard him rattling around downstairs so once he went up to bed I went to see what he had been doing downstairs. On the ktichen table I find 8 or so small containers with white powder - some were in crystal form and had white powder crushed by it. Just left there. I am sure he didn't mean to leave it but I have an younger child who would have trotted dowsnstairs in the morning and seen it. I hid it and gave it to my husband, We were not sure what it was but assumed it was not a good or legal thing. He's now asking me if I have taken anything from him. I have questioned him and said what exactly do you think I took? Was it some weed? He said no not weed. He has told me now it wsa cocaine. I don't know if that is definitely true or he is trying to wind me up but this has happened once before. Last time, we told him we'd taken it and he was not getting it back. We ended up giving him several hundreds of pounds to pay someone off and he swore he wouldnt get involved again.He has told me he doesnt take it only sells a little bit because he needs money. He said he is in debt. We have bailed him out so many times (usually for large amountd of weed). I feel so scared and have no idea what to do. Obviously we wont be returning it - my DH actually threw it out. I have suggested he spends the time looking for a job if he needs money. He said he is doing that too but its 3pm and he has only just woken up. How the hell do I navigate this?? Who can I turn to for help? I feel desperate.

AIBU to move our family out of London to live in the town I grew up in? 3 children under 5 at the moment, so possibly imagining an easier life where getting the buggy around isn't as much of a daily challenge. We have been thinking about it as a family for a couple of years and feel completely stuck.

Points to note

• DH job is firmly London so he would be away part of the week (thinking Mon - Wed or Thursday as a pattern)
• We have a lovely little house in London BUT I am aware of the pollution here, and even walking to the park from our house involves a lot of passing traffic. Middle DC coughs at the fumes and it breaks my heart.
• The town I am from is nice and interesting (altho I haven't lived there in years) plenty going on in terms of culture and sport, good access to mountains and excellent walking/forest nearby.
• We would be able to buy a bigger house and have a much bigger garden if we left.
• We don't really have family here or in the town. Some family are overseas and location doesn't make a huge difference either way.

I guess part of it is that neither of us grew up in London, so that feels like an unknown quantity for us, and we are a bit worried about how a London upbringing might be for older primary aged children and into teen years.

I'm 41 and have been with my partner for around two years. I love him enormously, which is why I'm genuinely struggling to know whether I've made a terrible mistake.

The good: I trust him completely. He adores me, he's affectionate, funny, intelligent and kind, we have great chemistry and I can completely be myself with him. He's really tried with my children despite not having/wanting children himself. He'll help with anything I ask, comes to family things, pays his way and is completely non-controlling. I know how valuable it is to have a genuinely loving, faithful man and I don't take that for granted.

The problem is that increasingly I feel like I carry the relationship. I plan and book virtually everything, drive everywhere and generally provide all the momentum. He'll happily come along, but often feels passively present rather than actively involved. I want a partner who occasionally says "I've sorted this" rather than someone I have to ask.

He's also a very heavy cannabis user and will smoke from the morning onwards at weekends. In fairness, I've NEVER asked him to stop and used cannabis myself until just over a month ago. I've even encouraged him to smoke before social/family things because it relaxes him, so I accept I've been contradictory.

Since stopping myself, though, I'm seeing it differently. He can spend family days high — pleasant and gentle, but not really engaged. He also lives in a very dirty/messy house, procrastinates over important financial/property matters and isn't dealing with health issues. He's very capable but seems to have little motivation to actually sort things out.

Yesterday brought everything to a head.

We had a family day out with my 10yo daughter. She was hyper and difficult at times, so I'm not pretending she was an angel. That evening she kept getting out of bed and I actually shouted at her myself.

Eventually she said she felt sick. My partner didn't really believe her, but she then actually vomited. She has a phobia of being sick and became very distressed and was crying/wailing. I comforted her and got her settled.

When I returned to our bedroom, my partner was laughing hysterically, literally until he cried, at the noise she'd made while being sick/distressed.

He was high, which may explain the giggles, and I DON'T think he's fundamentally cruel. But it really upset me, particularly because only shortly beforehand I'd been talking to him about everything she's been through since her parents separated and how much she needs love and security.

This morning he apologised, but it felt dismissive and he said he didn't know how many times he could apologise. I told him I didn't want to be with a man who laughed at my child when she was frightened, told him to pack my things for someone to collect and slammed the door when he left. Not my finest moment.

Now I'm wondering if I've made an enormous mistake.

The incident with my daughter was the catalyst, but this isn't a new feeling. I've questioned for a long time whether this is the life I want. If he was exactly the same in five years — same cannabis use, passivity and lack of initiative — I don't think I'd choose it.

But I LOVE him, trust him and know he's a good person.

I'm terrified I'm throwing away a loving, faithful man because I'm expecting some mythical perfect partner who'll adore me, be faithful, take initiative, be financially responsible, drive, plan things and be brilliant with my children.

Or maybe love and trust simply aren't enough when you want fundamentally different lives.

AIBU to end it?

YABU – I've overreacted and I'm throwing away a good relationship over things we could work on.

YANBU – the incident was a catalyst, but the bigger incompatibility is enough reason to leave someone even when you still love them.

What does the best dressed mum at your school gate wear? And where in the country are you?

Posting in the spirit of curiosity and inspiration!

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!