My children 11 & 13 have given me their Christmas lists which consist of 3D printer £300, laptop £400 and daughter wants a Lego set that’s £260 and a phone upgrade…when did life get so expensive! What’s everyone else’s children asking for / getting realistically?

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

DH and I going to London this weekend Friday til Sunday for our wedding anniversary. Leaving 2 children 4 and 11 at home with grandparents.
i’m panicking we are going to get caught up in a terror attack or a bloody shooting after what’s happened in Krakow. My anxiety about going is worse at night I don’t know why, possible as I’m distracted during the day. Can anyone give me a slap of reality to calm me down please 🙈 we hardly ever get a break from the children so i’d love to go and enjoy it but i’m just freaking out.

Hi,
Does anyone use Charlotte Tilbury's Airbrush Flawless Blur loose powder? I saw it recommended in the Style magazine. I'm 51. TIA

I returned to work today after a couple of weeks off, and I know it takes a few days to get back into the swing of things, but I’ve just thought, all day, that this is a completely pointless existence and I don’t know how I’m going to do it for the next 30 years.

I work in an office based role, and as part of the senior leadership team, earn around £80k per year. The role is not necessary. Without me, nobody would die, the world would carry on as it always has, even the organisation itself would be perfectly fine! I attend meetings where we talk about whether we should or shouldn’t do something. Nobody cares! Just do it or don’t, it makes no difference either way. I feel like I’m not the only one - 99% of office roles fit into this category.

But I’m stuck. I’d love to do something more meaningful, but I need the money. My husband is a carer for our son, and there are no jobs that I can think of that would scratch the itch for the same salary… so do I just suck it up for 30 years? It all seems so ridiculous, how did we as a civilisation end up here?

I’m not depressed or anything, I’m perfectly happy when I’m not at work, but does anyone else feel like this?

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

I’ve realised I like lots of little things to open rather than one big thing. What little things (from £5 to £30) are on your own Christmas wish list?

DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

AIBU to expect my adult son to move out so I can finally live the life I've always dreamed of?

I'm after some honest opinions because I'm increasingly frustrated with the situation and wondering whether I'm being unreasonable.

A bit of background. I've worked continuously since I was 16. I've never had a gap year, never had that period of freedom to just go and explore the world and do the things I've always wanted to do. I've always put everyone else first, or something life threw at us has taken priority.

Living by the coast, having a boat and being able to sail and explore Europe has been my dream since I was six years old. This isn't some recent midlife crisis or a whim I've suddenly developed. My late husband and I always planned to do this together. It was something we'd always talked about and intended to make happen.

My husband died four years ago. That's really the only thing that's changed about the dream. I still want the same life, even though my world has fundamentally changed.

My son is 20, nearly 21, lives at home and works full-time. He earns around £2,000 a month after tax. I've explained that I want to relocate and that he needs to start making plans to get his own place. This isn't news to him; we've been discussing it for months.

His only regular fixed outgoings are car insurance (£160) and a phone contract (£40), plus the usual costs of maintaining and running his car. I charge him £300 a month board, which I've actually been putting into a savings account for him. He doesn't know about this, as I want him to have a little nest egg when he eventually moves out.

Even allowing for fuel, food (which I buy all his meals to take to work anyway) and personal spending, he has considerable scope to save. He has £1,500 each month after his fixed bills and board. We're now four months down the line and he's saved virtually nothing.

i personally earn about the same as him so I know how to make money stretch.

There seems to be no urgency, no real plans and no apparent recognition that he needs to start taking responsibility for his own future. I appreciate that I shouldn't be the one saving for him, but equally I'm trying to make sure he has a decent start when he does leave home.

I understand that renting is expensive and that moving out for the first time can be daunting. I'm not expecting him to buy a house or live in luxury. A room in a shared house would be a perfectly reasonable starting point.

I, on the other hand, have very little tying me to where I currently live. I moved here 12 years ago for my husband's work. I have no real friends here, I hate my job and there are very limited alternative employment opportunities locally.

Most of our friends were through my husband's work and, since he passed away, we rarely speak or meet socially. I feel like I'm in a bit of a hole here.

My son is settled. He has lots of friends locally through school and work and understandably doesn't want to relocate with me. I understand that, and I'm not expecting him to give up his social life and move somewhere he doesn't want to live. But I don't think his preference to stay here should automatically mean I have to stay here too.

There's another reason I feel quite strongly about doing this sooner rather than later. My parents are getting older. Realistically, I know there may come a point in the next 5–10 years when I'll have caring responsibilities for them. I want to make the most of the time I have now, while I'm still young enough, fit enough and able to sail, travel and explore.
If I put everything off for another five or ten years, I could easily find myself having spent my entire adult life looking after everybody else, only to reach a point where I'm too old or have too many responsibilities to do the things I've dreamed about since childhood.

It sometimes feels as though I've spent my entire adult life fulfilling responsibilities and putting other people's needs first. I don't want to reach retirement age having never actually lived the life I've spent decades dreaming about.
I don't want to spend my life waiting for the next family responsibility to finish before I'm allowed to start living.

I love my son and I'm not looking to abandon him. But he's an adult, he's earning a decent wage and I think it's reasonable to expect him to start building an independent life.

I've worked since I was 16, raised my child, dealt with losing my husband and kept everything going. I see this next chapter as my opportunity to have the gap year or two I've never had.

So AIBU to say that I'm moving ahead with my plans and that he needs to make alternative living arrangements, rather than continuing to put my life on hold because he hasn't bothered to save?
At what point do you stop organising your life around your adult children and start living it for yourself?
And more importantly, how do I actually get this message across to him? Do I set a firm deadline and stick to it, regardless of whether he's saved enough? What do I do if that deadline arrives and he still hasn't made any effort?

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable, whether I'm expecting too much or whether I just need to accept that it's time to put myself first.

I suppose that's why I'm asking the internet!

I’ve NCd for this. I’m looking for some honest thoughts and opinions that I probably won’t get in real life.

I’m 34 and have MS. I tend to look ok (not to myself, but as in, you probably wouldn’t guess to look at me apart from on a very bad day). Lots of my symptoms are invisible: balance, muscle spasms, numbness, dizziness, and the worst of them all, fatigue.

I live with my parents, and I work full time. My parents do SO much for me, they do the food shop and all of the housework. I do pay my way (a third of everything, and a bit extra). I go to work, exercise twice a week and then crash at the weekends. I often won’t leave the sofa because I’m so exhausted. If I try to see friends etc, I’m done in for the next working week too. I truly can’t explain what the fatigue feels like- I’m so bone tired and brain foggy I’m tearful at the thought of another day ahead, even after nine hours sleep.

I desperately want to buy a house and have some independence, but I really can’t envisage being able to work full time and then do all of the life stuff that my parents currently are basically doing for me. I’ve realised I probably will never be able to have children (a whole other heartbreak in itself).

The thought of my life being as it is forever terrifies me. I feel like if I could work 3 days a week, I could still have 2 days for rest and be able to manage things like cooking and housework. But to do this financially, I’d have to look at PIP.

I think part of what makes this difficult is that I probably don't fit the stereotypical picture of someone who needs disability benefits. I work full time, I exercise twice a week, I look relatively well most of the time. I can do things, and I recognise that there are people with MS who are much more physically affected than I am.
But I also spend most of my non-working time recovering from the basics, and I rely heavily on my parents to do the things that make everyday life function.

I feel a bit stuck between two things. I don't feel disabled enough to justify asking for support, but I also know that I just can’t continue living like this indefinitely. I don't want to spend the next 30 years working full time, coming home exhausted and spending my weekends recovering. I want a home, independence, relationships, experiences and a life that isn't entirely dictated by how much energy I have left.

I suppose I'm asking whether reducing my working hours and potentially claiming PIP is a reasonable way of approaching this, or whether I'm being unrealistic and actually this is just what my life is going to look like. I also recognise that lots of people are exhausted from full time work!

I'd really appreciate honest opinions- I genuinely want to hear how other people see this, even if it's not necessarily what I want to hear. Thank you.

Every toddler group I go to the people with lots of money have toddlers running around with crazy unbrushed hair, weirdly layered clothes none of which match, clothes that are too big, itchy looking knitwear. Is it just my area or is this everywhere? Obviously “badly” is just my opinion!

YABU - I don’t experience this
YANBu - I have experienced this

Ive had a guts full of the Brand and Trump cult members blindly buying everything these guys are selling. Why are people not questioning and fact checking before they make a complete arse of themselves on SM by posting conspiracy theory rubbish. But actually they’re being crushed under the rush of people agreeing with them and spouting even more ridiculous crap. Is Brand a rapist or has he been set up because he was close to bringing the elite down? Are you bloody killing me?

I don’t understand why people are so willing to believe awful things with no fact checking. Actually why people are so bloody racist, why people hero worship celebrities, why people are so ready to channel their hate into the next scandal providing it’s not directed at a middle aged white man too. And I’m depressed that yes I see these theories and in my head I think thicko. After I’ve fact checked it obvs. Yes and I know time to step
away from SM but I’ve indulged more lately as I was so desperate for the Midterms to go the Democrats way.

What watch brand do you favour? Any one got any intel on watches these type of young gents wear? To set the scene, they are also wearing black joggers or low slung jeans, Nike sport socks, Nike trainers, a white t shirt preferably Calvin Klein and a gym shark or Nike hoody, Ralph Lauren if they are feeling swish, topped off with a black north face or adidas coat and perhaps a little Nike beanie if
it is sub zero temps or they are unhappy with their hair. Any cool brands to know for a watch?

Backstory.

DSS (20) moved out, earning £2.2k a month pays £600 rent and bills inclusive

DS (18) first year uni student in halls maximum maintenance loan. Works during Xmas and summer break when home.

DD (17) full time apprentice earns £1k a month lives at home pays £150 a month rent and bills inclusive

DSD (16) full time A Levels

2 x younger children.

I am struggling financially. What’s everyone thoughts on when we stop paying for them to be part of things? For instance we are looking at booking a holiday next year as we haven’t been away for 3 years.

It’s causing friction!

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

Going to a fabulous 40th birthday party in Malaga in December! Stunning venue, no expense spared.

I have no idea what to wear! There’s no dress code, but it will be a fabulous event, so anything goes!

I’m 48, 5ft 3 and a curvy size 10 - help!! I’d love a dress that makes me feel great, but don’t know where to start. Happy with bold colours and equally happy with black. Any idea? Have you seen anything with the wow factor?

thank you!! 🤩

After everything with Russel Brand/Walliams being an open secret, what are the other open secrets out there? Who will be next? When does it end? And how does it still go on?

Watched the Brand documentary on channel 4 and comedian Daniel Sloss stated that there was other comedian predators out there but wouldn’t name them? Any thoughts?

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

Lighthearted - we all know every other family apart from our own does it wrong!

Mine are:

• no pigs in blankets
• BOILED veg 🤮
• treating the Christmas cracker like a competition (we are are each person gets their own cracker prize family!)

Is this not a stroke of genius in the M and S Xmas ad?!!

It literally reaches not just the parts other beers don’t reach but actually conduits and lonesome fissures that I never knew I had.

AIBU to say this is actually perfect?

DD has just turned 18 and this is her second boyfriend. She was with her first one for a year and has been with this other lad for 9 months. They met at the college in our town (he lives 20 minutes away by car or 30 minutes by bus). He passed his driving test about 8 months ago. But he’s only been to our house about 5/6 times and my DD ended up going by bus to his and now he drives them. So when they’d bus it to his we had to go to his and collect her.

The BF is into football as is my DH but in the few times he’s been here (they’re usually upstairs), my DH can’t even get him to engage on football. I’ve barely spoken to him as he doesn’t seem to want to engage.

We’ve invited him via DD to join us for meals etc. She's had meals with him, with his extended family. She seems to be the one driving any plans to meet up and he seems to have slotted her into one evening a week slot. He’s also now got a weekend job both days until early afternoon. the most recent thing is him suggesting they don’t buy each other lots for Christmas. When they first started talking, it took him 3 months to officially ask her out despite her being very blunt saying she wanted to be his girlfriend.

Is this typical behaviour? From the outside this feels really low effort on his part. DD is pretty defensive about boyfriends so hasn’t complained about him but it all feels a bit strange. She’s the one it seems driving plans, making effort etc.

I recently made a very difficult decision to rehome my 5y spaniel. My life has changed dramatically in the past 5y and he is no longer getting what he needs. I’m a single parent to 2 DC ages 11y & 13y. I’ve changed careers having worked from home to shift work and now studying a degree on top. Despite my best efforts the poor dog is being left for long periods of time. I do have friends and a dog walker who take him out but I work 12 hour shifts and sometimes need to sleep either side of them.

This has made the dog more wired and anxious. He’s a typical spaniel and just wants to be with you all day. He’s also got more worried about children’s teenage friends coming and go and has starting to bark at them. Meaning it is stressful managing that too. I’m also not home all the time.

I spoke to Spaniel Aid who have have agreed to take him. I told my children tonight and they are both devastated. We’ve always had a dog. I am devastated too but feel utterly overwhelmed with everything on my plate.

Please give me some encouraging words.

Hi everyone,

We are currently having some work done in our house. Nothing lengthy; should really be completed soon. Started last week and due to continue for few more days.

I have a challenging situation with neighbours, which I am not sure how to manage best. One of my neighbours has a teenage daughter (c. 16 yo). Her boyfriend came around late evening on Friday because he wanted to speak to us about one of the guys who is doing the work. Apparently, the guy he wanted to speak about looked at his girlfriend "in a funny way" (his words, not mine) and "she was very upset by that" because apparently "it happened to her before". My husband asked him when exactly this happened as he thought it was a bit strange that the guys doing the work would have had any time to look at anyone since they spend most of the time working, and the girl's boyfriend said that apparently one of them came out to smoke for few minutes and that's when it happened. He didn't say anything to her but just looked at her "in a funny way".

My husband listened to the girl's boyfriend and told him he would speak to the guys doing work for us but, to be honest, I am unsure and reluctant for him to start any such conversation; I think "looked in a funny way" is very subjective and open to interpretation. He didn't say or do anything. I don't particularly want to imply or suggest anything. Maybe I am being insensitive and unreasonable but there are a lot of people you can say this about when you are outside and none of us really get to do anything about this sort of thing. Equally, anyone outside can accuse us of looking at them "in a funny way" but, thankfully, not many people get to do anything about that either. Otherwise, there would be no end to all sorts of trouble.

I am not really sure what I should do about this given that the work in our house is not going to continue for much longer anyway. However, the guys doing the work are obviously free to go out and look at anyone they wish. I can neither stop them, nor have any particular desire to talk to them about who they look at when they are outside and much less interpret how they look! I don't control what they do outside the scope of their work in my house. Having said this, I am concerned about the neighbour's daughter coming across them again as this can obviously happen at any point when they are outside and I am not really sure what to do about this. What would you do? Thanks for any advice, suggestions, opinions.

My daughter has been prescribed Guanficine for ADHD. She has severe learning disabilities and Autism too.

Does anyone have any experience of giving Guanfacine to a child with complex needs?

I am concerned about potential side effects and her lack of ability to communicate them to me.

Thanks