2 months prior, we spent the last 3 years living 10 mins away from MIL. She's nice but very socially isolated and her only 'contacts' are essentially family members. FIL is the silent type and he was retired but has decided to start working again (even though they have enough for retirement).

I've tried multiple times to get her to join local groups or volunteer somewhere but she dismisses everything I say because 'why do I need to meet other people I have my family'.

My r/s with MIL is not easy. She would drop by unannounced all the time despite us telling her to please not to. Once she came over with cake. I was in the bedroom and texted her telling her I was in a meeting. She replied 'oh but I just wanted to have cake with you'. She then told DH that I didn't want her there and that she could stop but she was just trying to be nice.

She wants to join in on EVERYTHING. Sometimes in conversation she'll casually ask what our plans for the weekend were. We'd say we were going to do XYZ. The day before she'll text DH saying she coincidentally has to buy something from the area we were going so could she come along? If we say no she'll play the 'poor me' act and say that she doesn't drive, she's not going to be a bother, she just wants to see us etc.

The whole day then will be dominated by her. 'Just one more thing', 'let me pop into this store for a while', 'x family member said she liked clothes from this shop let's go have a look'. All DH and I's plans derailed because she won't go around without us.

Just a few examples off the top of my head.

Anyway DH and I moved 2+ hours away 2 months ago. We couldn't stand the 90 x 2 minute train commute anymore nor the boredom of a small town so bought a nice apartment centrally! It's a 1-bedroom apartment but as 2 people who don't need much space nor have kids/pets, it was perfect for us.

MIL wants to stay over 2-4 times a month for 1-2 nights each.

DH is sympathetic. He keeps saying that she's happy to sleep on the couch just to see us but that's not the point! I don't want her stuff to accumulate in our house (she's already left her toiletries on 1 out of 3 shelves in our bathroom amongst other things scattered around the house), I don't want her touching and rearranging my things, I don't want her dominating our evenings! DH thinks we should be accommodating as she's getting old and he knows how family is the only important thing to her.

AIBU? It's our home but now it's starting to feel like it's a home for the 3 of us.

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

DH and I going to London this weekend Friday til Sunday for our wedding anniversary. Leaving 2 children 4 and 11 at home with grandparents.
i’m panicking we are going to get caught up in a terror attack or a bloody shooting after what’s happened in Krakow. My anxiety about going is worse at night I don’t know why, possible as I’m distracted during the day. Can anyone give me a slap of reality to calm me down please 🙈 we hardly ever get a break from the children so i’d love to go and enjoy it but i’m just freaking out.

in recent weeks I have noticed these tiny black flies in the kitchen, in my bedroom. I would not say it’s an infestation but today while working from home I killed about five. They are really tiny and I think they are fungus gnats. Not drain flies as those look a bit different.

i don’t think they are coming from house plants. I spotted some in a large cupboard where I have my washing machine. Could they be breeding in my drains and in the washing machine drain pipe?

New thread

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

I’m looking for some objective perspective because I am in a flux.
A few years ago, we bought our family home. I put down 100% of the deposit from my own savings/funds, and my husband contributed nothing towards the purchase at the time. My contribution was put in trust.
Soon after, he received a substantial inheritance. The agreement was that this money was earmarked for developing and extending the property, which would build equity for our family and improve our living space.
We recently made concrete plans to get the building work underway. It was only when I asked for funds to pay for initial works that the truth came out. The money is gone. He has spent the entire inheritance and yet there is nothing to show for it. He has actively hidden this from me and lying about the money still being there whenever the subject of the house project came up. He has no clear explanation for where hundreds of thousands of pounds went, other than general mismanagement. He has also run up substantial debts and now cannot afford to contribute to the household management.
The level of deceit and financial betrayal has completely shattered my trust in him.
Because of the systematic lying, I have asked him move out of the family home so I can figure out my next steps.
He thinks I’m overreacting, throwing away a marriage over money, and being cold-hearted.
So, AIBU?
YANBU He lied for years and blew a life-changing sum of money. (we could now be mortage free!) The trust is gone.YABU – You shouldn't kick him out of the family home; try counselling first.

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

I’ve realised I like lots of little things to open rather than one big thing. What little things (from £5 to £30) are on your own Christmas wish list?

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

I've been in a relationship with a serial cheater for several years. Now, I've said it. I've never been particularly attractive to men, objectively speaking, and I've always struggled to find relationships, so I tend to cling to the few I've managed to have, even when I know really shouldn't. I know, very healthy.

I was the breadwinner in this relationship. I brought in roughly 5x and he has three children to pay maintenance for, so I covered pretty much all our living expenses.

In the last few weeks, two things happened in quick succession.

I discovered yet another affair. I've honestly lost count, but I think this was number six or seven. The other woman, or rather girl, as she's only 19, sent me photos and screenshots I desperately wish I could unsee. He'd told her he loved her and wanted to marry her immediately.

What made this one spectacularly bad for some reason was the financial on top of the physical and emotional cheating. It turned out he'd been paying her rent while I was paying all our expenses as he said he has some debts to pay off.

Then, within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a condition that will probably leave him severely disabled within a year and is likely to end his life within five. He is likely to have very significant care needs very soon.

I finally found it in myself to end the relationship and have given him until the new year to move out.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm now the awful woman who abandoned a man as soon as he became seriously ill, leaving him with no place to live and no financial support.

To everyone else, he's this charming, kind, jovial man. And yes he genuinely can be all those things. But there's another side to him that they haven't had to live with.

Some of the things people have said to me have been absolutely vicious. I've never felt so hurt or so alone in my life.

I don't even know what my AIBU.

AIBU to think that ending a relationship after years of repeated infidelity doesn't suddenly make me a bad person just because he has become seriously ill at the same time?

We’re both in our 30s and have been friends for around 15 years. I have a 1yo son and am a SAHM. My friend doesn’t have children and doesn’t want any for the foreseeable future, if that’s relevant.

Since having my son, he comes pretty much everywhere with me: shopping, errands, meeting friends, museums, restaurants, family visits etc. He’s a fairly calm child and I enjoy having him around. I have plenty of family who could look after him, but unless there’s a reason he can’t come, I generally just take him with me. He’s also happier with me than any other caregiver so I really don’t see a reason to leave him. Obviously, my social life looks a bit different now. I go to fewer bars and fancy restaurants and see friends less often (because long journeys and child-unfriendly venues aren’t always practical), but I’m genuinely not bothered. It’s just a different season of life and I’m enjoying it, probably more than I enjoyed pre baby life.

This friend has seen me 3 times in the last year: once at my house when DS was 2–3 months old, once for a walk in the summer and once at a pub to celebrate a milestone of hers, where I stayed for about an hour with DS asleep in his pram. She recently messaged saying she missed me and asking if we could go for coffee or lunch. I said of course and asked when. She suggested a day and then asked, “Do you have someone to leave DC with?” I was a bit taken aback. Why would I need to arrange childcare for a casual coffee or lunch? If we’re going somewhere child-friendly, I don’t see why he can’t come. Honestly, if it’s just a social catch-up and he can’t come, I’m not particularly keen to go either. I’d obviously make exceptions for things like weddings, funerals or medical appointments, but I don’t feel the need to leave him behind just for the sake of it.

AIBU? Should I make more effort to see friends without my son, or is it reasonable to expect casual daytime meet-ups to accommodate him?

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

I’ve developed tremors in my hand and my foot has started to drop when I walk (no injury or pain, I just suddenly can’t walk without lifting up my knee high enough so my foot doesn’t drag along the ground). I’ve been referred to orthapedics and neurology by my GP but of course the waiting lists are horrendous. I suspect this is a neurological condition such as MS. The waiting is killing me and I’m thinking of trying to book a private neurology appointment.

Anyone with any experience of this? I’m not sure where to start looking for a private appointment or who would be good to talk to. I’m very scared.

I discovered this today and found it very helpful! Wanted to share :)

That’s the plan. The Jimmy Choo Heloise

https://www.jimmychoo.com/en/women/shoes/heloise-120/latte-nappa-leather-platform-sandals-HELOISE120NAP080258.html

The goal is £795. I cannot in good conscience pay this amount from my income… but from recycling. Absolutely all for that.

So far I have £56 and 20 or so pending.

I have calculated an ambitious £20 a day gets me to the goal in just over a month. Thats very ambitious and I will not achieve that 😂

The deadline is summer for my wedding shoes.

Anyone want to make an epic vinted goal and join me?

I passed fairly recently and I get tailgated often. I am doing 20 on 20 roads, 29-30 on 30 roads, going by my sat nav speed which appears more accurate than my car speedometer.

On Saturday I was driving down a B road which was National Speed limit, barely wide enough for 2 cars, it was about 3 miles long, hills and very bumpy. A young girl tailgated me almost the entire way, I was going over 50mph at some points so it's not like I was doing 20 or 30 on a nsl road.
People are going to say I should've pulled over, but she was so close to me I was quite scared to slow or stop as I felt she'd have gone into the back of me.
The road was so bumpy my sat nav fell off its mount, anyway about 2.5 miles in she overtook me, and I'm ashamed to say I gave her the finger. I don't know if she saw, but i was stressed.
I'm used to getting tailgated and I either just keep to my speed or let them pass where possible, but this was frightening.
I've read you can be fined for this, I lost my temper in the moment and I'm scared I'll be reported now. Any advice?

It's soo cold and I'm struggling to dry the washing. But only ds3 and me are feeling the cold, everyone else is fine.

Worse kept secret in history....

Neither of us want kids, our relationship is a few months old.

My friend in her early 40s feels he's a bit old for me (I'm the 37 year old) and she really thinks I'm wasting my time not finding someone closer in age, knowing I want something long term.

Thoughts and experiences? :)

poorly atm and need some film ideas xx

DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

My OH has his children living full time with him since their mother locked them out in June 2025.

She picked her up from school with no discussion. Police are now involved.

Police have said she can have her DD but she must go to school.

Mother has now emailed the school to say that DD isn’t coming to school tomorrow because of police intervention.

A contact plan was sent but seems it is not set in concrete.

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

I often change into pyjamas when I get home. I find trousers/jeans etc so uncomfortable. But I'm looking for something comfortable that isn't pyjamas and more appropriate for day time wear. Can anyone suggest anything please? (Must be petite sizing as I'm 5ft tall).