Well we have had the attempted upstaging of the Welsh senate …..now the Oman state visit….we all hope that whatever advisors that they still have will not allow any thing to interfere with Aberfan! 🤞

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<whispers> I'm starting to think about starting the wrapping soon :)

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

NC for this because I’m worried it’s outing.

My best friend of several years has had an affair. She’s told me and only me. I really feel quite a big burden as she’s not told anyone else and I truly feel awful holding this secret. Although I will. I won’t break her trust.

Our children both go to the same school and we spend a lot of time together, our girls regularly having play dates, we do dinner parties together, have had holidays together etc.

I know her husband well and would consider him a friend. He is a lovely guy and a great dad and father. My friend isn’t sure why she decided to sleep with someone else (multiple times). She can’t tell me why she felt the need to do it but we have talked about it at length and we both agreed she was feeling stressed about the pressures of work (she has a high powered job) and being a mum (she has 4 children under the age of 10h) ect.

The problem is she can’t stop it but doesn’t want to end her marriage. She still loves her husband and doesn’t want to leave him. She doesn’t love the other guy, it’s more just sex and the need to feel wanted and the excitement of it.

Ive told her it needs to stop, she will wreck her life. I told her if she doesn’t get a grip of this I will tell her husband (but I would actually never be able to do this).

I am finding it increasingly hard to socialise with them both because of what I know. However she’s my best friend, I love her dearly and I couldn’t betray her. I want to do what’s best for her.

How do I handle this?

I grew up with an alcoholic father who caused such misery. One of the terrors was when he went out just for a pint and then hours went by and we all got more and more fearful waiting for him to come home and unleash hell. Even with years of counselling that core fear is still there.

When I met by DH I said then that moderate drinking didn’t bother me but him going out unexpectedly for hours and coming home drunk did as it kicks in that fear of waiting. I don’t like him drunk as he sneers and laughs at me. Despite this he has consistently done it and I’ve put up with it. It’s always been the only thing we argue about. I’ve even locked him out in the past but it made no difference.

He’s 67 now and retired for four years and everything revolves around drinking. He drinks every day but doesn’t get drunk just always topped up. All his presents from family are always bottles of whisky or beer.

Once a month he goes out and comes back really drunk and did it again tonight despite me asking him to limit it to a few. I just saw red when he came back and grabbed all his many many bottles and poured it all down the toilet as he slumped drunk. I’ve had enough. When he sobers up tomorrow I’m telling him there’s to be no more drink in the house or I’m leaving.

I’m 10 years younger with a good career and earn my own money so not financially dependent. Both children are grown up and have their own lives.

AIBU? He says he isn’t an alcoholic and most people do this and I’m overreacting but I think he can’t control himself. Or am I blinded by my own fears? Why can’t he just have one or two?

Skirt https://www.marksandspencer.com/faux-leather-midi-wrap-skirt/p/clp61268242?color=Black&intid=mobileapppdpshare
Fit is amazing
feel amazing
looks really expensive.

But if I wore it with black tights, would it look weird ? if I wore it with knee boots would it break up the whole split thing so I think I have to work with heels and then what on my legs?

We’re in process of buying the house we rent. And now our ideal house has come to market. The main difference is cost. The house we’re currently buying is 5 bed huge garden. And is 20% more expensive. Whilst we can afford it that obviously comes at a cost to other lifestyle choices. I posted before as it’s more than we wanted to spend but we’ve been looking for 2 years and not seen anything we really wanted. Until now. It’s ideal, it’s 4 bed, a decent sized garden. I actually prefer the look of it, wooden floors throughout, nice period features. And it’s 20% cheaper. That saving would make such a difference to our lives.

But the dilemma if we pull out our current landlords will obviously be very disappointed. I’d offer to cover their legal costs and be hugely apologetic. Do you think that would be sufficent recompense?

we’re about 1-2 weeks away from exchange.

i worry about bad karma. I worry that if we switch and the new property perhaps the sellers pull out / change their mind (they’re looking to downsize), it would serve us right. Thoughts

Just as the title says really.

I'm 62 years old and genuinely believe that there has never been a better time to be a criminal. Shoplifting isn't investigated anymore, jails are full and inmates are being released early. It's like criminals have won the lottery.

DC is in a specialist secondary school, fantastic place, like the primary was. For anyone who knows, most DC are dropped off and taken home by taxis, so as a parent who drives DC you don't get the usual interaction with their friends' parents/guardians.

Previously DC was at a mainstream school and we and the school knew a specialist one was needed. At this time I worked FT, career, breakfast and after school clubs for 3 days a week while we juggled, DH wfh so kept this to a minimum. When it became even more clear than we had already expected DC couldn't cope after a few months, I gave up my job and my focus was on them, got night shift work so I could be there. Yes, of course, I should have realised it would too difficult for them but wanted to give it a chance. Unfortunately DH didn't see it all from my eyes and experience and put it down to typical behaviour.

Anyway, back to the point...

Being in a specialist school, quite a few of the parents have their own issues, with several DC so life is difficult for them.

DC has made close friends and of course wants to meet up with them outside of school. As it's not a case of chatting to parent and making play dates, we have to try and find a way.

I'm pro active, have asked the school if they could pass on my number to get in touch if the parents would be happy to get in touch to arrange kids meeting.

Fortunately they have responded and DC has been delighted to see them. The thing is, the only way to get them together means I pick them up, take them out and pay, then drop off or have a sleepover. This is 2 friends, so 3 of them.

I really am so delighted to see them happy together, means the world to me. However, as in the title, the only way to do this is to suggest a date, activity, say what time I will pick up. It seems their kids don't go out much/at all, just gaming, so always an immediate response of yes, great!

While I accept this is my responsibility for DC to meet their friends, it's also frustrating! It would be so nice for the parents to offer to take them somewhere, DC to step over the doorstep, spend time at their friends' houses, have a sleepover.

Guess I've just got to understand and accept this is the way it is and I do see how DC experiences it and is grateful for my effort to enable to see friends. I find it sad, DC would love to actually get into friends' homes and be part of their lives, as I did when younger to have reciprocal loving from BFF's family.

I've taken a career break and have gone back to work after several years out with the kids. I didn't have much choice in the matter as the kids were close in age so childcare was so expensive that there was no advantage to working, only a logistical nightmare. And we had no family support on either side.

I now find some of my peers far ahead of me (mostly male but some female ), in director roles. I know they have similar age kids. But whenever any mention is made of school holidays, teacher training days, teacher strikes etc, and I end up taking time off, often unpaid, it emerges that they simply send their kids off to be minded by grandparents, often for weeks at a time in summer. Or they get away for a weekend with their partner, while their parents mind their kids.

I can't help feeling really annoyed. Neither of our parents would ever do that for us, and at this stage we wouldn't even ask. But these people I work with seem to act like it's totally normal. They also all seem to have free holidays in their parents' holiday homes whenever they want, in France or Spain. Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off about it?

It’s less than a year old and was relatively expensive at 3 grand. It’s very pale cream with a suede like feel and no pile. Cushions and seats etc are not removable - nothing is removable from it.

it’s been pissed on / sprayed on by a stray cat. That’s a whole other story of how the stray cat came to be but for now - that’s what’s happened

i cant pin point exactly where on my sofa he’s done it - nothing was soaking wet. But nearly half of the sofa smells strongly of urine

what do I use to clean it with? Any suggestions please? Don’t want to do anything involving bicarbonate of soda as that made things a whole lot worse when I tried that on carpet some years ago

I’ve tried my spot wash with dedicated cleaner. Thought it was sorted but no - smell returns just as bad once the fabric starts to dry again

do I need a new bloody sofa? Honestly so annoyed and I can’t sit down there as it smells so bad

I saw some information on the net that Airbnb hosts are not allowed to ask guests to do the jobs that they often ask to be done anymore. My point of view has always been I am on holiday, the place will be getting a cleaner in before the next guests arrive so I will do a few things but I am not there due to being a paying guest to do some of the demands owners ask.

I don’t mean if it’s an emergency, or if you want to clarify something before someone gives more information (eg you’re talking about Jim and they want to check which Jim it relates to). I also don’t mean if it’s an accident and you don’t realise they haven’t finished speaking, and I don’t mean a situation where you’re very short on time. Also assume the person doesn’t have additional needs. This just relates to having a normal conversation in a relaxed situation.

YANBU: given the above caveats, it is rude to start talking over someone who was clearly part way through a sentence
YABU: it is always fine to talk over someone if you want to say something

Welcome to Thread 13 and happy unboxing to all who sail (sale??) in her as we swap tips, tricks, frustrations and joys of the BAC/FAC journey.

Not too long until Black Friday discounts so keep your fingers crossed and some room on your credit card

Key link for all the calendars via the very lovely MaryBD of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/

Though lots of ACs are out of stock already, so beware (and extra double beware of anything Selfridges Fragrance related!!)

I was getting my nails done yesterday and had the strangest experience!

A woman came in who had the appointment after me. My nail tech said to her, “Hi, I’ll be with you in a minute”, and she sat down and waited.

Anyway, from the moment she sat down, she literally stared at me for the rest of my appointment. Every time I looked up, she was looking directly at me. Not just a quick glance, but a proper, constant stare!

When I eventually got up to get my coat and bag, she gave me the dirtiest look imaginable and looked me up and down as if I was actual garbage. She then carried on staring at me!
I'm in my mid-twenties and would say she was around the same age as me.
I know I probably shouldn't let something like this bother me, and obviously I have no idea what she was thinking, but I came away feeling really uncomfortable. It was such a horrible feeling to have someone looking at you like that for absolutely no apparent reason.

I was dressed completely normally and appropriately, nothing revealing or out of the ordinary, so I genuinely can't think of anything that would have prompted it.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? What do you think makes someone behave like that? I know I should just forget about it, but it's really playing on my mind! Am I being oversensitive or would you have found this weird too?

Thank you x

I am really struggling to find some nice ankle boots that will also be comfortable. I used to have some great ones from Russell and Bromley. I would prefer not completely flat - just a one inch block heel.

i bought some of those slightly taller chunky Chelsea boots that everyone has been wearing but I think my ankles are too narrow for them and so my heel moves and they are really uncomfortable.

I've managed to snag Bayeux Tapestry tickets for myself and my husband for February. We only visit London maybe once a year and have done most of the tourist hotspots (London Eye, the Tower, etc.). We aren't big drinkers and love history. I'm looking online, and all I'm seeing are escape rooms and similar things. What are some underrated bits to get up to? We're in London for 3 days and will be going to watch a show on the West End on one of the evenings

Hi, I’m researching safety alarms for older people and hoping for some honest views from people who’ve been through it.

Every alarm I’ve seen looks like a medical device. I keep reading that older parents refuse them or leave them in a drawer, because they don’t feel old or frail, or just dislike the look.

If you’ve dealt with this:

• Did your parent wear theirs? If not, what put them off?
• Was it the look, feeling ‘old’, the hassle of charging it, or something else?
• What would have made them wear it?

How much of a 'crime' have I committed here?

I'm currently 'on a break' from the woman I am seeing (I am a gay female) because we've been arguing for a while. We wanted to give one another some space, as we've had quite a few anomalous/difficult situations to deal with and just wanted to reconvene once we'd had a think and some time away from one another.

She was aware that this weekend just gone, I had two friends staying over. They have birthdays close together and we'd arranged to go out for some lunch and a few drinks and they'd stay over at mine for the night. She doesn't know these friends, although has met them once, heard about them knows who they are.

A week or so beforehand, one of the friends asked if she could bring a friend with her. I trust my friend to not bring anyone to my house who would cause any sort of issue so I said yes, caveating that one of them would have to take the box room which is perfectly adequate to sleep in but that's about it, It's not got a TV or ensuite unlike the 'main' spare room, but that was my only concern.

Spoke to woman I am seeing on Sunday night once they'd left and she was very angry because I had not told her that this other friend (my friend's friend) was coming to the event/staying over. Kept referring to her as 'some random bitch' and that I should have told her.

The only reasons I hadn't told her were 1) I did not see it as any sort of big deal at all, 2) I have been rushed off my feet with work (I tutor and have just taken on two new sets of students so all the admin and marking and being ultra diligent as they settle in) so this (what I saw as) very trivial bit of information slipped my mind it was literally a 2 min conversation and 3) We are still speaking to one another, but not sharing all details of our days at the moment.

In the main though, I really did not mark it as something important. This lunch out was arranged while we were still very much seeing one another but my girlfriend was never going to be around for it (she didn't want to come anyway) regardless. We obviously don't live with one another. She's really quite angry with me for not telling her. I am trying to see it from her point of view but I am struggling. Can anyone give me their point of view please?

We bought a lovely dining table from oak furniture land 8 years ago.

It’s a classic design. However it has a honey colour finish. It’s a bit like this https://www.oakfurnitureland.co.uk/furniture/canterbury-natural-solid-oak-extending-table-and-6-cross-back-chairs-with-dappled-beige-seats/1015845.html

The scroll back chairs are doomed and going to the tip. The table is coming with us to a brand new kitchen with neutral greige shaker cabinets and a karndean herringbone LVT floor.

I feel like the colour of the finish is dated and won’t match the floor of our new house.

do we sand it down and re finish it?

or replace for a more modern design table?

Thoughts welcome!

We were all sitting together and my mom said something to me in our native language that wasn't complimentary of my in laws (she didn't like that they called her grandma, she has repeatedly asked to not be called that).

The next day my in laws in strong terms asked that I not speak in my native tongue when around them. I am devastated. It is my identity and how I communicate with my mom. It's one of the few things that feel like they are truly mine right now

Credit to @thebrowncatisback for the title. Original thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/talk/in_the_news/5589048-russell-brand?callback=in&code=YTEWYJJJMZQTMJFHNS0ZNDI5LTK3N2QTZWJHYWNHZJGXNZA2&page=39&state=aa7521b41da5458084d85ced7c73c27d

Just having this debate with a male friend.

He thinks women cheat more. As he’s got most romantic interest and flirting from women already taken or married etc

Whereas, as a woman I think men cheat more. And often at horrific times like after a baby is born etc

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

DD is 25 and absolutely tiny. She's around a uk size 2-4 and 5ft 2
I want to get her some cozy pyjamas but everything I can find starts at a size 6 which absolutely drowns her. Any nice shops that sell super small sizes?