I am looking for thoughts as am genuinely torn on this issue.

My husbands sibling has informed us they are getting married in 18 months time. We are delighted for them- their partner is lovely. The dilema is that they are planning the wedding in New Zealand. The entirety of my husbands family live in the UK, my soon to be SILs family are in NZ. The reason for having the wedding there is that the NZ family members would not be able to afford to travel here (or anywhere halfway).

AIBU to think it is a huge presumption that the UK contingent can all afford to go? Everyone who has been invited is ok money-wise as far as I know, but this will mean intense saving and no other holidays etc to allow us to attend. It will also mean using the vast majority of holiday days that we have for the year.

On the one hand I think we just get on with it, we are so happy for the couple. On the other - we are a family of four and will likely be paying more than the cost of the wedding to travel there / hotels etc and it is a bit much to expect?

My view has always been its an invite not a summons, and if you plan these sorts of trips you have to expect people may not be able to go. However it has quickly become obvious that there is a high level of expectation (and emotional guilt tripping) for those who have tentatively said it may be too much for them to do.

Thinking about booking a solo holiday. I am a divorced 59 year old woman. Very active and sociable and am confident in travelling and life in general. I work full time. Live in London.
I live with my adult children and have zero interest in a new relationship.

Want to book a trip to ‘somewhere’ in September to celebrate my 60th. Thinking culture and history and beautiful landscapes and great food. So have decided Italy might work. Tuscany/Florence area.

As I want to explore the area and only have a week it might be useful to go on an organised tour. So the logistics and travel are handled and the itinerary organised in a logical way.

Might be nice to have some company for some of the trip such as mealtimes and then have my own room to retreat to and free time to fill how I want.
Am a bit unsure about the organised aspect of it though. I have always travelled independently before or with friend or family. I have visions of being herded by a tour guide and the time being over controlled.

Was almost ready to book when I saw on a review that a guide might meet me at Heathrow to help with the journey. Really don’t need that level of support! I know people are all different and it might just be an option for more anxious or disabled people.

I would also need to pick from a very limited range of options as the tour groups obviously have a few departure dates. In fact I can only find one option for the date and region I want. It’s around £2300 for one week Heathrow to Pisa. That is fine but I could obviously do it more cheaply and flexibly myself.

Anyway. Thoughts on how to travel solo as an independent person but with some elements of an organised tour? There will be local companies offering day trips and excursions but less likely to have company at mealtimes and get to know people.

The G adventure type places seem to run much younger and I don’t want to be 40 years older than everyone else!

My NDN has just demanded to see proof that we are exempt from the local hose pipe ban !!!!

I have said to them I won’t be showing them anything as it’s private but they can report me if I want and the water company can check.

We literally have just been filling a small paddling pool daily for the dc for after school and today have a little sprinkler toy as it’s boiling.

I know some people aren’t aware that there are exemptions (eg being on priority services register or certain tariff) but I’m so shocked they demanded proof !!!

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

Last Monday, I had a laparoscopy for removal of endometriosis and some adhesions and polyps.
saturday the umbilical wound was red and swollen and my CRP was raised.
monday it continued to look red and swollen. I had a high temp; low bp, fast heart and was initiated on the sepsis pathway. I had things like blood cultures done. I was meant to be given the antibiotics at 1pm. I got them at 5pm and 10pm after crying and begging to the nurses I was scared. The delay was caused by the drs prescribing apparently
i stayed hospital for 4 days during which time my blood markers went up, then started to reduce

an ultrasound scan confirmed a collection behind my umbilicus and the skin appears red like I have cellulitis

they were happy to send me home on oral antibiotics but my anxiety is insane. I can’t stop looking at the area of redness and wondering if it’s swelling or more red. I understand cellulitis can take weeks to go down? I have not had any temperatures and I do feel better in myself.

Please could I just have some reassurance. It’s been the week from hell 😭

Hi. We need some help please.

DH is late 50s. We went out last night and he wore a nice short sleeved shirt and chino shorts. But on his feet he had desert shoes and suit socks. We both know that they looked wrong but we had no idea what would look right.

We were going to a town centre restaurant.

Please, people who understand style, can you make suggestions?

Thank you.

Petty much as the title! I am not in the UK, but here I seem to be seeing a lot of black summer dresses, a lot of white summer dresses, and a lot of white skirts with black vest tops. It doesn't entirely reflect what I have seen in the shops, so I am interested as to why,and wondering if it is a local micro trend, or more widespread?

If a friend who lives close to you is having a birthday party close by, and your other friends are coming too, but they live a 45 minute drive away, would you offer to go and pick them up and give them a lift to the party?

My daughter is 8, she has three close friends in school, two of which are boys. One of these boys has had birthday parties and invited the close knit friends but my daughter has been excluded.

Today, my daughter has come home and said her best friend has said she is going to another boy in the class’s party. My daughter has said she hasn’t been invited but her best friend has then said to her that she hasn’t been invited because “her Mummy doesn’t talk to their parents”. She also said she spoke to her other best boy friend and he said the reason that she wasn’t invited was because his parents chose who came.

To be honest, I am a drop and run kind of parent and so is my Husband. I am terrible at small talk and I don’t want to be stood at the school gates gossiping. Is this on me? I feel it’s really unfair on my daughter that she is being excluded from her best friends parties because of her parents opinions of me 😳

Hello,
My situation is this. I work in a UK company where all staff are trained to perform every role, yet in practice, particular individuals are consistently assigned only physically hard or only easy tasks-sometimes for many months in a row. I am usually given the harder ones and recently started feeling burned out by the daily grind, so a few days ago, I vented to one colleague, saying that this allocation is unfair given that we all receive the same wages, and mentioned several people who exclusively perform the easier tasks, including one Polish lady (let's call her Annie).

Yesterday, Annie’s husband (let's call him Tommy) approached me during the shift and shouted angrily, "Listen carefully! It's not your business why Annie never does physically demanding jobs. Stop gossiping about this or I will report you!" Offended by his tone, I retorted that I can speak whatever I like and that freedom of speech still exists. He turned bright red, walked away and reported me to the management. They launched an investigation, which I feel might lead to disciplinary action.

Aibu to not understand why the management are taking this so seriously? Can they really punish me even though I haven't been abusive or violent, but just complained about something that is bothering me? In Poland, Tommy would be told to bugger off with such rubbish-I know because I grew up in a neighbouring country! Also, I must note that Annie cannot be pregnant now as her duties, albeit quite light, are not pregnancy-friendly and all pregnant employees are always moved to office roles; this means she is provided with easy work purely due to favouritism.

I live in what I used to find a peaceful and pleasant row of period terraces on one of the nicer streets in my area. Last year my neighbours moved as they needed more space for their kids and a new family moved in. They:

• Eat outside and play music every dinner time and most of the evening. Often all day on the weekend. It’s very beat heavy dance music.
• Leave their big bifolds open all the time and I can hear everything that’s said in their kitchen if my own kitchen window is open/im in the garden.
• Have big, loud parties ranging from a handful of people over to up to maybe 30 people regularly. Since start of June they’ve had people round and been loud into the evening every weekend except one.
• The parties go on to around midnight and often involves playing ball games etc in the garden, and lots of loud shrieking.
• Play football a lot in their garden and kick balls into ours. The kids come over and get it if we aren’t there to pass it back.
• Are outside and talk really loudly to eachother - probably to hear themselves over the crappy music.

The pluses are they are perfectly nice to speak to, their kids are polite and friendly.

I’ve asked them to turn the volume down three times. When they’ve had people over they’ve just ignored me, and said reasonably politely that it’s not late (this was around 8pm but the thumping music started at about 2pm on Saturday). They turned it down when I complained at 9am on a Sunday.

I feel really angry and helpless at the same time. I hate it. It’s making me so sad that they are ruining a place that I’ve loved living. We barely eat outside anymore and I think back to last summer and how lovely and peaceful our home and evenings were. My kids don’t like playing outside as much as it’s just so intrusive.

Right now they are out there with a bunch of friends being noisy, and I’m sat upstairs with the window closed and a fan on with my baby in a stuffy room to avoid the noise. I’m dreading the football tomorrow.

I’ve overhead them talking about getting a projector so they can watch the game in the garden.

My DH isn’t as bothered by it and hates confrontation so is playing it down. I’m honestly thinking about moving house, but we don’t have the money to really, and our house is so lovely except for this.

AIBU

• yes - they aren’t doing anything wrong enjoying their garden so you have to suck it up
• no - you should keep complaining and not feel intimidated.

DD(3) party is next weekend. The venue let you choose a theme and despite her brother putting some not so subtle pressure on her, she’s gone with princesses. There are a lot of boys attending and the venue are happy to do more neutral themes with the party bags but I was going to give little wands out.

I am perfectly happy for all the boys to have wands but I just don’t think they’ll be interested (and I do know the boys well; one is my own son.) Can anyone think of a small gift that’s a sort of equivalent?

To start, I know it’s not, I know it’s dangerous, I know it stinks and is a horrid habit. I’m not going to start.

but equally….I’d bloody love to take up smoking 🤣

I just think it can look so chic, especially the skinny little European cigarettes.

I love the idea of sitting out with a glass of something, puffing on a little cigarette.

having a mid morning coffee outside a cafe on a cobbled street, cigarette in hand.

Or, the original ozempic…a cigarette and a can of Diet Coke of lunch.

like I said, I’m not going to start, I don’t like the smell and I’ve also been very vocal on my views on vaping.

but, at the grand old age of 40, there’s still something about it that I look at sometimes and think ‘god, she looks cool’

Think Caroline Besette in Love Story.

As the title. Need to remortgage in the next couple of months and have been looking around. I’m currently with Halifax, who specifically allow me to underpay the mortgage to the value of any overpayments made in the preceding 12 months. I make a £2000 overpayment every month. I’m not expecting to have to utilise the facility, but as sole earner right now it’s great peace of mind to know that if I did lose my job, I could stop paying for several months based on my overpayments.

Halifax don’t have the best rates; but other lenders only seem to allow an official six month mortgage holiday or interest-only period rather than being able to fully utilise overpayments. Are there other lenders which anyone is with who do offer this? Thanks so much.

AIBU to feel like my holiday has been ruined before we’ve even gone?
My husband’s mum and her partner suggested that we all book a cottage in Wales together because they said they wanted to spend some proper time with us as a family.
We booked the cottage for me, my husband, our three children, his mum and her partner. It only sleeps seven, so it was booked for exactly the seven of us.
His mum has now invited another child to come for the whole holiday. Because the cottage only sleeps seven, her partner is now going to sleep in their camper van at night so that the child can take her place inside the cottage.
What makes this harder for me is that his mum and her partner don’t spend a huge amount of time with our three children. They already spend far more time with the child they have invited and are very close to her.
This holiday was their idea. They were the ones who said they wanted to go away with us and spend time with our family. I work full time and have very limited annual leave, so taking a week off is a big thing for me. It now feels as though I’m using that precious time on a holiday that has been completely changed from what I agreed to.
I had already made it clear that I didn’t want anyone else coming. I had also specifically spoken about our last family camping trip and how badly that went.
On that trip, several adults essentially dropped their children at the campsite and then went off to enjoy a relaxing week themselves. The children were left crammed into everybody else’s tents and camper vans, and the adults who had actually stayed at the campsite ended up looking after them all.
I had already said I did not want to be put in that position again. I had that conversation only weeks before this happened, which is partly why I feel so ignored.
The child was asked if she wanted to come and initially said no. I thought that should have been the end of it. Instead, it was brought up again, and she eventually agreed. His mum and partner now feels guilty and wishes they didn’t invite her but it’s done now.
I even suggested that they could simply explain that they had spoken to me and, because of my health and everything that has happened recently, I really needed the holiday to be focused on spending time with my own children. They chose not to do that.
I have PoTS and reactive hypoglycaemia and struggle with dizziness, blackouts, weakness, fatigue and my heart rate shooting up when I stand.
More recently, I was taken into hospital with stroke-like symptoms, including slurred speech, numbness and weakness down one side. Thankfully, a stroke was ruled out, but I’m still experiencing weakness in my arm and leg and problems with my speech at times. I’m now waiting for neurological investigations and neuro physiotherapy.
After such a frightening and exhausting time, I genuinely needed this break. I wanted to use my limited time away from work to spend time with my husband and children, and I hoped the children would finally get some proper time with their grandparents too.
Instead, I now feel as though the focus will mainly be on the child they have invited, because she is the child they already spend the most time with. They have changed the sleeping arrangements and moved one of the original adults out of the cottage to make sure she can come.
It isn’t that I dislike the child, because I don’t, and none of this is her fault. My issue is entirely with the adults. They invited another child onto a holiday that was already full, despite knowing I didn’t want anyone else coming and despite the fact that this was supposed to be their opportunity to spend time with us and our children.
I’m also worried that I’ll end up helping to look after her. If she becomes upset, plays up, wants to go home or needs lots of attention, it will affect the entire holiday. If there are any major problems, her mum will need to come and collect her. I cannot take responsibility for another child while managing my health and looking after my own three.
I feel like I have no choice but to go, put a smile on my face and make sure my children have a lovely time. They’ve been looking forward to it and would be devastated if we cancelled. It wouldn’t be fair for them to lose their holiday because of a decision they had no part in.
But for me, it no longer feels like the holiday I agreed to use my annual leave for. I’m not looking forward to it anymore. It feels like a waste of the very limited time I get off work, and I feel resentful, anxious and hurt that the one boundary I clearly set was ignored.
I’ve decided that after this I won’t agree to any more family holidays, camping trips or similar gatherings, because I don’t trust that the same thing wouldn’t happen again.
AIBU to feel this was unfair, particularly when the holiday was their idea because they claimed they wanted to spend time with us and our children?

New thread for everyone. Welcome back and hello to newbies and lurkers.

Advent season has now officially kicked off despite the heatwaves. There's a dedicated thread for advent calendar discussion with spoilers here
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5549187-beauty-fragrance-advent-calendars-infochat-2026-spoilers?page=1

DS is going on a school trip. Its costing 45.00. Would it be wrong if I only paid 20.00 /25.00? I am on a low income and I'm juggling things a bit at the moment. I have another child at the school as well so I have been paying out for 2 children.

The school rang me saying i need to pay by tomorrow.

It does say contribution but I feel wrong for even thinking about it.

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

Hi .. just this really … I’m on a train with my little surgery bag … waiting for it to sink in .. I managed to convice myself it’s only a consultation at 7:45 tomorrow.
Expecting panic to set in any time 😬

Any positive thoughts,advice, experiences super appreciated…

I posted about this some weeks ago, i hope i don’t come across as an attention seeker,It’s just a good place when you need advice/ support/ ears.

Thank you 💓

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

I'm going to an 80s party later this year. It's for a 50th birthday (though I'm not 50) and they've booked Woo Gary Davies as the DJ. I have no clue what to wear as I wasn't alive in the 80s.

I don't want a fancy dress type outfit.

I saw this in Marks and Spencer when I went for a sandwich today and thought it might be alright as a New Romantic type outfit but I don't know what I'd wear it with:
https://www.marksandspencer.com/lyocell-rich-v-neck-ruffle-detail-blouse/p/clp61229706#intid=pid_pg1pip48g4r3c1%7Cprodflag_Just%20Arrived

Other ideas I'd thought of were a Choose Life T shirt with jeans and a leather jacket. Or some type of rara skirt/dress. I have no 80s shoes or anything though.

Any thoughts please? Thank you.

I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and something happened this morning that has made me question whether he’s got an ego problem that could be a cause for concern.

Me and three friends (all in our late 20s) booked a woodland lodge for three nights Thursday to Sunday for a weekend away and my boyfriend has come with us.

This morning after breakfast we were relaxing around the hot tub and my friend told BF “come on, get the drinks poured, boy” not in a rude tone but in a funny ‘let’s get this party started’ kind of way. She’s very bubbly and didn’t mean anything by it. He poured the drinks with a moody look on his face and a few minutes later however he said he really took offence and said he wasn’t a boy, he was a man, and that he found it disrespectful. The mood changed quite quickly and afterwards he was still annoyed about it.

I asked him why it bothered him so much and he said that being called a boy was belittling. I found this extremely cringy and fragile on his part and I’m wondering why he would view this as belittling? To me it seems he views boys as below him and I don’t want a partner with a fragile ego who thinks men are superior to everyone else including boys.

I was just discussing this with my friends whilst he was on a walk and they all found it off putting and embarrassing on his part.

AIBU for seeing this as a bit of a red flag, or is it reasonable for him to want to be referred to as a man rather than a boy?

Should just go to prison right now and never emerge

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/jul/07/i-felt-my-spine-and-body-split-the-woman-who-was-hit-by-a-child-on-a-lime-bike-and-denied-compensation

Looking for a chocolate brown dress I saw on a lady yesterday at a graduation.

chocolate brown , no collar , round neck , think buttons on the top half maybe all the way . Short sleeve . Camr in at the waist , think there was a belt in same fabric . mid length .completely plain , no print. Don’t think it was linen . Wish I had asked her where she bought it . Searched Boden , REISS , jigsaw with no look . Was it you ? You had a daughter in a green dress , blonde hair graduating at Newcastle uni at 09.00 yesterday ( Thurs ) and went to the Broad Chare for lunch as did I . Any thoughts please ?