Welcome back all.

We rattled through the last thread and with Black Friday round the corner this one will go fast too. I hope we haven't all spent up on advents... 😂

Thank you as always to our regulars for you contributions and if you've been reading and thinking of joining come and say hello. 😊

I have a lovely friend of many years, known since school.

She’s getting married and phoned yesterday to let me know the date, and also to ask if my 7 year old will be flower girl, which DD will be thrilled about so of course I said yes!

I said jokily ‘I assume DS is invited too’ (he’s 4). She went a bit quiet and said ‘is there nobody you can leave him with? Grandparents?’. I was a bit shocked and explained this isn’t an option (infirm PILs). I could in theory leave him with my sister but the logistics would be horrendous as the wedding is at the other end of the country, and Dsis is a couple of hours in another direction.

She said he might be able to come then but wouldn’t be given any wedding food and there wouldn’t be a chair for him at the wedding supper.

I felt a bit stung to be honest. I could totally understand if it was a child free wedding but it isn’t, as she’s asked DD. And DS would be old enough to realise we were all going away without him. We don’t really go on holiday so
taking a plane and staying away for a couple of nights would be a very big deal to him and I know he would be sad not to join us.

I don’t want to go in guns blazing if IABU though. What would you say/do?

We’ve just landed in Florida for a week-long family holiday. There’s me, DH, DS13 and DS15. We spent a fortune before we came out getting everyone kitted out with new clothes and brand-new trainers—including a lovely pair of Nike Dunks for DS15.

We picked out his travel outfit together: hoodie, baggy joggers, and his box-fresh Dunks with classic white Nike socks. Looked great.

Fast forward to checking into the hotel last night. DS15 is sitting on the armchair, his joggers ride up, and I notice... no socks. (He spent all summer going sockless in old knackered Vans and Astro turf boots which I didn't mind because they were already ruined, but still!). Anyway, I went into their room later and it absolutely reeked. Turns out he wore his brand-new Dunks with no socks for the entire journey here! 🤢

This morning, before heading to the theme parks, we wanted a family photo. DH and DS13 look great in fresh shorts and new trainers with ankle socks. DS15? Sockless again.

I gently pointed out that:

1. He’s going to get horrific blisters in the Florida heat.
2. He’s going to completely ruin his new Dunks in days.
3. The trainer smell is already vile.

He kicked off in front of everyone, telling me to "grow up," "get a life," and "what’s it got to do with me?!"

Later, I popped back to the room for suncream and thought I'd take him a pair of trainer socks just in case. Had a quick nosey in his suitcase... there are literally zero socks in his entire bag. He has actively planned and packed to go sockless for the whole week.

DH says to leave him to it, but we are the ones sharing a room and hire car with his melting, stinking feet! AIBU to be furious with his behaviour and choices!

Help please. I am with my a man who is addicted to Skyrim. He plays on a laptop so click click click at all hours through the night waking the whole house. We have 2 kids who he is also waking up. My daughter will try and hide the laptop. If it isn't this he will be on tiktok all day and kids are screaming at him to put phone in pocket. We have had many argument about this and I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone been in same situation?

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

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Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

Will try not to drip feed but also keep things short for ease!

I do not have the best relationship with my parents. To put it bluntly they have never prioritised me in life and have made lots of mistakes that they refuse to acknowledge. Where they have failed, their own parents (my lovely grandparents) stepped up. They have done their best to fill in where they shouldn’t have had to and are truly my hero’s.

I am on okay terms with my parents, we speak semi regularly and when I do see them it’s fine. But we’re definitely not close and things are tense at times.

I am due to get married soon (yay!) and am doing a speech which I’m very excited for.

obviously the broad content of the speech is about my lovely soon to be husband and our relationship. However, I’d really like to ‘shout out’ my family and in particular my grandparents, as they’re not often thought of as being so important and I really want everyone to know how much they mean to me and how grateful I am!

the issue lies that if I mention my grandparents and do not mention my parents then my parents will, for want of a better phrase, see their arse. They won’t say anything on the day, they wouldn’t be willing to kick off in public, but would absolutely moan after about how mean it was and how I hurt their feelings.

I therefore don’t know if I should also mention them to keep the peace and avoid the hassle? But equally, they don’t deserve to be mentioned and I want to celebrate my special people and not them!

my AIBU is really, AIBU to not mention them in the speech and then just ignore their complaining afterwards?

or should I be the bigger person and say something for them to avoid conflict and make them happy?

My mum has started really ageing herself, she’s started saying she doesn’t like driving at night anymore so avoids doing it and she fell over and called it she ‘had a fall’, she’s 61!

I worry she’s going to start letting her world get smaller and ageing herself much too young, any advice on how to help? My MIL is late 70s and hell would freeze over before she said she had a fall 🤣

any advice greatly appreciated

My friend's daughter is getting married next year. My friend called me and told me her daughter wanted my DD (6) to be her flower girl. DD6 is quite quiet and doesn't want to be the flower girl. My friend said I should make her do it for her daughter. I told her I don't make my DD do things she doesn't want to do. In the background of the phone call, my DD8 was hopping up and down saying she would be flower girl. I suggested this to my friend. My friend said crossly, "She doesn't want DD8! She wants DD6!" I just told her, "Well, she can't have her." My friend is now not speaking to me and my DD8 feels rejected and has been grumpy with her sister in the day since this chat. I tried to explain to DD8 that she just wants DD6 because she is small and doesn't want an older child, it's not personal. I talked to DD6 and told her about getting to wear something special and she still won't have anything to do with it. So that's not happening. Did I handle this badly? Please tell me it will all blow over with the girls.

At what age did you stop holding your DS's hand

DS is 5 and very much a mummy's boy (not going to lie secretly.love it, he's my last which I am happy about as have 2 and know how lucky I am and juat have no desire to do the new orn phase again)

He still wants to hold my hand. All the time. Walking to school. Out shopping etc.

Dh hates it and constantly tells me to let go.

Today we have come away on holiday and were walking through the airport, I had a suitcase in one hand and DS's hand in the other and DH went mad telling me to let go and stop treating him like a child (even though he is one)

I argued its a busy foreign airport so would rather he held.my hand and was met with moaning by dh about how i treated him like a much you get child etc etc

For reference, dd is 10 and would still happily hold my hand if dh didn't moan at us both about that as well

And I really didn’t mean to!

Me and ex h split/divorced 17 years ago now.

We’ve always been on good terms, we have one ds who is now 24.

Backstory - Both remarried, ex h and his wife live a few hours away and her family is in this area so they will come here during Christmas/easter/summer for lunch with us all and to see ds. They send my younger children birthday and Christmas cards and presents. There are no issues.

I’ve recently sorted the thousands of photos I had mainly from when we were together, pre iPhones and digital storage. There are so many lovely ones of ex h and ds when he was little.

So the last time ex h was in the area to visit ds, I gave him a box of them. They are all of him and ds over ds childhood. He was chuffed to bits to have them. I mentioned that there would be some more as I still had some albums to sort out and he said that’s fantastic, thanks so much.

Wildly inappropriate according to his wife.

She sent me a text asking me not to pass on anymore photos as she found them intrusive.

I apologised if she found them intrusive and said that ex h had been pleased to have them, but that if he didn’t want anymore, get him to let me know and I can keep them here for ds.

My dh did ask if there were photos of me in there that could have upset her. Nope, I just gave him the ones of him and ds. I am not in any of them.

I really don’t know where this has come from. I don’t want to push it, I replied to her text the best way I thought and it’s up to ex h if he would like any others. I’ve not said anything to him.

It just seems so odd as we have always got on!

(And before anyone says ds is 24, why any contact, life is short. Ds has been through a few things where he needed both of our support and we both had to support each other as his parents through them. I always feel it’s best to grow up with divorced parents who can spend time together with no stress).

How old would someone be to like this handbag?

I ask because I bought it as a gift for a friend and someone else has said it's too old/young for them (don't want to say which so don't prejudice any answers!)

I know this has been asked before but really would be grateful for recommendations. Even with waterproof spray my Seasalt one isn’t cutting it in this weather. Thank you!

I have some boots that look fine with dresses but feel frumpy with jeans. I am looking for a nice pair of comfortable flat or low heel boots to go with wide leg and barrel jeans.
Possibly a pointed toe?

I am a curvy 10/12 and quite a classic dresser with a nod to current trends IF they suit me.

Has anyone found a gem?

I absolutely love this dress but I'm not confident enough to show my legs off. Anyone seen similar dresses in a longer length. Or any way I could create an underskirt or something?? Probably not, but thought I'd ask in case there are any fabulously creative minds here!

https://mewmews.com/products/indy-v-neck-rainbow-crystal-fringe-mini-dress?variant=42084038049852&fbclid=IwVERDUAVNyUVleHRuA2FlbQEwAHBkb2YBYWRpZAGrNVrFotA6c3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMzUwNjg1NTMxNzI4AAEeFG0y7MuR4xTNjfkW15uBnx0tU-i8xX_Fgr6b2QS1gufyJ-yVRfpvwBuhLHQ_aem__hGx2Q3v8JG6KwJJ9Ihzpg&utm_source=26&utm_medium=261012-bz-cbo-materia-%E6%AC%A7%E7%BE%8E-None-Mix-20-50&utm_campaign=261012-bz-cbo-materia-%E6%AC%A7%E7%BE%8E-None-Mix-20-50%23M10W1&utm_term=120248478373900570&utm_content=120248478862250570&utm_id=120248478373830570

I had a first date on Saturday with a guy I matched with on an app.

We met at a pub, pretty standard for my first dates. He doesn't drink so I drank much less than usual (half pint and soft drinks), initially worried it’d be more awkward without relying on drinking to relax but I thought we hit it off really well, easiest person I’ve spoken to in a while. Conversation felt so natural and just fun? We both had random niche things in common too. Whole date lasted around 4 hours, I was the first to mention having to leave to grab something before the supermarket closed. He then mentioned he’d join me as he also needed to pop in which I was fine with, we were still happily chatting and joking around in the shop too

At the end he hugged me and kissed my cheek, said he had a lovely time. I then asked if he wanted to exchange numbers but also said “there’s no pressure though” but he happily agreed.

He messaged first (on the app) about 10 mins after leaving to say it was really nice to meet me and thanked me for the evening. Then mentioned he accidentally didn’t save my number properly so gave me his number instead.

I messaged back an hour later to say it was really nice too, enjoy xyz activity (mentioned on our date). Aaaand now radio silence

Am I delusional for getting my hopes up? Is it normal for people to stay for this long on first date if not interested

Well ….confusion reigns supreme! , more and more information dribbling out! , still no idea what is going on! ….its time for outside help!

Once more into the breach dear friends!!

My 4 year old is really into drawing atm and I was thinking of some sort of gift for grandparents of one of them made into some sort of gift. Does anyone have any suggestions beyond just a nice frame?

i have worked for my employer for ten years, five years in my current role. In that time, the demands of the job, and the expectations have changed dramatically. Much more data/metrics driven than before, and I’ve had no additional training support with that.

At the same time, I’m also almost 50, with ageing parents etc etc.

My anxiety is taking over my every hour, I’m on anti anxiety meds, plus beta blockers, and still had a panic attack in work today, just from the overwhelm. If I asked, my GP would sign me off.

So, what to do? I’m on a 3 month notice period, and not sure whether to just resign, or ask for a negotiated exit. Anyone w employment law experience who can give advice, please?

I feel childish writing this, but I am feeling upset about my birthday the other day because, as per usual,. it flew by with a total lack of thought.

One DC (late teens) got me a card and the other adult one didn't. My DH bought me a small bunch of Tesco flowers. I don't know why I am upset, because it is the same thing every year/ Christmas/ Valentine and Anniversary.

One of the reasons why he doesn't get me anything is because "he wouldn't know what to get me". So, after 32 years together, you haven't listened or heard me. I like chocolates, meals out, wine, tequila, spa treatments, mani pedis, clothes, hair stuff, accessories, books, the cinema, theatre, concerts, I play tennis, yoga, pilates and go the gym. That is quite a lot to go on don't you think?

It's funny how other people I know (friends and a new friend) don't seem to have a problem asking me to go for a birthday lunch, and/or buying me a small thoughtful gift that I will use, but my own family can't think of anything.

I am the person (mug) who does all the extended family/ in-law, DC, DH presents shopping and thoughtful gift selection, the logistics of Christmas and Easter for in-laws and family. No one goes without. Massive thought is put into it. My DH doesn't have a problem when it comes to his own family and their birthdays etc. although it is usually outsourced to me to facilitate after he has come up with the idea.

Finally, we did go out on my birthday. I did think to myself, oh this is a nice treat (a gig of a band I quite like) but when I got there it was actually a night out of my DH's friends from work (all male who I don't know) and he spent all night talking to them and then berating me for being in a funny mood and not talking to them much. TBH I wasn't that impressed when I got there and saw that it was a group night out with people I don't know and they spent the whole gig drinking with their phones out recording in front of my face. It was more a case of the gig was on the night of my birthday and my DH wanted to go, so took me along, not a birthday treat.

Anyway, I have decided that from now on I am just not going to bother getting upset over these special occasions and just go celebrate them with my lovely thoughtful friends and leave my DH and DS's to it. If I have no expectations then I can't feel hurt. I am not doing Christmas now. I'll get my DC presents but I am just going to tell my DH not to bother (not that he will) and I won't get him anything back. My extended family - dad, brothers didn't bother getting me anything either. My dad has 3 DC, and 3 step DC and inturn 10 DGC/StepDGC and he says it is too expensive to buy presents, even though I am his only DD. P.s. dad, a box of Milk Tray from Aldi is about £2.

I know that sounds passive aggressive or defeatist but I am just fed up of the lack of thought that comes my way. When I was a kid my mum died and I would do anything to have her back and take her out and treat her, They don't understand how much a mum/ wife does for them and how important they are in your life till you lose them.

AIBU to be upset or do I need to just grow up?

I’ve gone from just over 18 stone to 9st 2lb on WLI 2 years ago, so almost a whole person.! If you too have lost a life changing amount of weight (that’s entirely subjective, life changing for you) what has been your favourite moments beyond the astounding health benefits. ?

I’ll start . I can ride again , for the first time in 15 years.

I can shop for clothes that I like rather than just settle for dark coloured ‘tents’ .

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendations are:
https://prepare.campaign.gov.uk/get-prepared-for-emergencies/

ROUGH STATUS REPORT (as of 9am 22nd Oct - please note this isn't fully comprehensive, and is moving FAST)
Civil Unrest reported in:
France, Italy, Greece, Belgium, Albania, Indonesia - multi reasons, but largely due to economic pressures and the cost of living
Spain has had problems but these have temporarily stopped, probably due to significant weather related issues due to the Dana effect
More protests planned for this coming weekend
High Alert in the Middle East:
Netanyahu now committed to regime change in Iran, as he believes they are developing a nuke.
The US has pulled all Embassy Staff from Saudi Arabia and is hoping no one notices that they've ordered personal and families across the Gulf home and then seem to have lied that they have.
The Emir of Qatar has stated at their equivalent of the annual King's Speech at the Opening of Parliament that war was coming and to prepare for the worst scenarios. US pulling planes out of Qatar.
The Egyptian PM has warned the country of severe crisis ahead - given the nature of the country this is related to their alliance with Saudi Arabia and their reliance on the Suez Canal which the Yemeni rebels now control access to and their exposure to famine
Iran is saying if there is another attack, the gloves are off and they'll try and wipe out the middle east oil industry as they go down, as well as hitting critical civilian infrastructure.
Much movement / noise is similar to run up to the first US attacks this year. Debate over whether the attack will come before the Israeli Election or the US Midterms - possibly within 72hours - latest mood music suggests potentially this weekend. Seems to be shifting to a when not if.
Israel election: 27th Oct
Prices and Shortages:
Diesel needs no real reminder - we need it for haulage, mass transportation and farming, we are screwed without it. Fuel Emergency declarations in West Virgina, Kentucky, Michigan, Maryland, Arizona, Nebraska and Texas - typically allowing limited dyed diesel use for ag or commercial vehicles. Illinois and Missouri have also allowed by not under emergency orders. Less reported is the fertiliser shortage and knock on effect, poor yields this year and the effect of El Nino on next years, sulphur export bans and the blockade on Ukrainian and Russian wheat exports which are particularly crucial in feeding North Africa and the Middle East. This is liable to have significant impact on the UK with 6% rises in food already expected next year (and there's every reason to believe this will be higher especially with civil unrest all over the place). Reports of aviation fuel running low in some parts of Europe with emergency supplies (which can't last forever) being used.
El Nino:
See above about farming and also think of disasters - like the ones Spain is facing with flooding. Storm Austin is incoming and there is a weather warning for the South of England with power outages and flooding possible today/tomorrow.
The Internet:
PHP is 70% of the internet. Its got compromised so it can pretty much all be hacked. This is VERY BAD (in capital letters). Many websites offline whilst this is sorted including multiple government ones around the world.
Just AI generally - everything from putting everyone out of work to just hacking and killing us all. No Biggie.
Trump and the Mid Terms:
Trump is firmly losing his marbles. He's defected to Russia, can't stop rambling about men's arses, is waving at non-existent people, his team are known to be considering ways to impose martial law, he's getting heckled at Trump rallies by his own supporters, 83% of all voters think the biggest problem in the US now isn't the cost of living crisis but government corruption. He's being called a traitor by some of his fellow Reds. Mid Terms look a disaster and Trump probably won't accept them. He's reversing bills that Congress passed weeks ago by executive order.
Mid-Terms: 3rd Nov
Ukraine and Russia:
Ukraine facing massive problems still cos Elon has got the ump. Starlink isn't working at face enough speeds. They've bombed a shedload of Data Centres in Russia. This has killed off the Russian Internet and many Trump/Musk supporters in the process (one way or another) which screws up Twitter (and its value) for them. Ukraine is getting blamed for diesel shortages cos they refuse to stop hitting Russian refineries even though it has no choice now its been cut off by the US. Zelenskyy now says Trump isn't an ally. Trump wants Zelensky gone and thinks Putin is being reasonable and Ukraine doesn't want peace. Germany states it would have activated Art5 if the confirmed Russian sabotage attack on Liepzig had been successful.
Russia is apparently planning to step up its sabotage campaign in Europe after having successfully sunk a few boats in EU waters (Romania / Bulgaria - these sinkings have been in both international waters off the coast AND within their official territorial waters).
Economy:
Lots of debt. Much concern over the implications of this particularly with regards to AI and state debt in the US, UK, France and Japan (but not restricted to). Much money put into gold by China. Background of this bad given the approach of potentially multiple crisis.
France Moody's credit review: Due tomorrow 23rd Oct - expected to be not good especially in the current political climate in France
UK Budget: 28th October

They are all interconnected and one or many could tip us into abject chaos. Or not. The risks here are sky high. Of what? Take your pick.

Bloody hell, you lot filled that last thread up faster than I expected!

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5591799-welcome-to-the-castle-watch-it-bring-you-to-your-knees-2026-celebrity-traitors-thread-5-tv-pace?page=1

This is a tv pace thread so make sure you’re up to date with the live broadcast and yes, previous series (regular and celeb) will be discussed!

Please no spoilers if you read them online!

The story so far (as at end of episode 8)

Traitors (still active)
Maya Jama
James Acaster (recruited)
King Kenny (recruited)

Faithful

James Blunt
Joanne McNally
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Michael Sheen
Romesh Ranganathan
Sebastian Croft
Sharon Rooney

Murdered
Amol Rajan
Bella Ramsey
Rob Beckett
RossKemp
Miranda Hart

Banished
Richard E Grant (Traitor)
Myha’la
Julie Hesmondhalgh
Professor Hannah Fry (recruited Traitor)
Joe Lycett
Jerry Hall

For these that want to keep up with Claudia’s outfits: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a73628412/celebrity-traitors-claudia-winkleman-outfits/

I’m watching Clodagh McKenna’s new show on ITV, scratching my head as to why this cringey “oh look how bubbly and fun I am” complete with permanent rictus smile is suddenly everywhere from nowhere and read that she is married to Henry Herbert, son of the 7th Earl of Canarvan.

AIBU that my heart sinks that yet again here’s another example of success being about marrying into the establishment and connections rather than genuine talent?

Not somewhere I usually look as we don't have a big Sainsbury's near here with a clothing section, just the little convenience stores.

Saw they had a sale on though and ordered a few things and I'm SO impressed. Ordered this dress https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc148498351 which admittedly is not the most fashion forward item on the planet but I was looking for a comfortable dress for holidays and smart-casual occasions. It's such good quality - really thick, 100% cotton and has pockets! £7.80 absolute bargain. Also bought a grey cardigan/vest thing which is very thick and will keep me cosy in winter.

So did I just hit it lucky or is the general quality of TU better than Asda, Tesco etc?