Good afternoon ladies! I have a gender blood test booked today, after reading so much about it, I’ve decided to give it a go!

99% accuracy from 7 weeks, if done by a professional, which mine will be. I am going into window to the womb for mine!

asking if anyone else has done one with this company and gone in for the appointment, as at home ones can vary with results.

anyone got any insight? And I’ll ofcourse keep you updated with the results and how the appointment went.

We're a family of five: myself, my husband, our two children (12 & 14), and my stepdaughter, who is 18.

My stepdaughter lives with her mum full time and is very much in independent 'mode' now, so rather than following a set routine she comes over whenever she wants.

We're booked to go to Disney World in Florida next year with our two children doe 3 weeks, we are doing all the big attractions such as universal too. We invited my stepdaughter to come too, but she has said Disney isn't really her thing and she didn't think she'd enjoy it. Fine, not a problem!

However, her mum has now had the cheek texted saying that because my stepdaughter isn't coming, we should give DSD the equivalent amount of money that we would have spent on her so she can go on holiday with her friends instead.....

AIBU, or is she mad?!? We have said no but she is now texting all sorts of abuse.

The Disney trip is costing us over 10k and we are only doing a cheap trip this year to save for it.
Yes, we have spent less because she's chosen not to come, but that was entirely her decision.

YA daughter is 20 and at university.

She is autistic as am I. I would say the relationship hasn’t been good for about 5 years.
She was highly controlling of home life. What channel we could watch, and it steadily got worse as teenage years kicked in.

We tried to put in boundaries and basic rules and it just got really bad. Most of the really nasty stuff was directed towards me and not her Dad - he’s a quiet gentle giant.

She would call me a Karen, Terf, even a Tory (I voted labour) and any insult she could think of - I’ve been called mental, controlling, bitch and I’ve even been punched. She was failing at university socially (not academically) and no self care so GP recommended she move back home. It was vile.

Daily insults. No basic rules following. She literally used to say ‘what you looking at bitch? ‘ if I came downstairs in my own home. I’m a Headteacher in my day to day job. I hope I’m a good one and kind and empathetic. She would tell me I was stupid on a daily basis and to chill.

She would leave used sanitary towels left on the floor in the bathroom etc and she just treated us like an ATM. She went out late (3 am) and then phoned as she was on the street in city centre at night etc it wasn’t just what she said it me but how she said it and I kicked her out the following day and offered to book a hotel or something but that I couldn’t do it anymore - I had high blood pressure, panic attacks, and I was very ill. She agreed to leave and go to a friend but wouldn’t tell us which one. And this was a month ago. She said she is safe and won’t tell us where. She says at the moment we haven’t supported her and that we need to understand she wants space and if she wants money or a relationship she will phone. We did contact wellbeing and she had lied as she had said they were supporting her but the university had no record on her.

I lurch from loving her and missing her one minute to wanting to scream at her and hate her the next.

I’m having counselling but it’s not helping. She wanted a huge holiday and back in September we agreed and are due to go on a once in a lifetime safari next week. (She has a younger sister). She has emailed us to say she is 100% not coming as she needs to heal. I’m furious, sad, angry but I’m also glad she isn’t coming and I feel conflicted by that. She won’t talk to my lovely DH or respond to her sibling or grandmother etc DH says I need to focus on me and we need to focus on each other and our family. I’m so angry about the holiday we booked it for her mental health as it was the one she wanted. I feel so angry I’m such a shit mum and I failed to raise a nice person - it’s all on me isn’t it? I tried over the years to get support, diagnosis etc and no one really helped us as she was so clever and masked so heavily out of the home

Posting for others opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

my DP’s are having my 2 DC for the weekend next month, while myself and DP are away.

I was told today that they have booked to take them away for the weekend.

I’m in 2 minds, as obviously this is nice of them to do it & DC will enjoy it BUT I also would have preferred to have been asked and not told.

a while ago DP’s wanted to take DS away, and I was worried about it him being away, wasn’t going to say yes, then spoke to DP’s and agreed. So I’m not sure why they wouldn’t ask this time? Or if they thought because they are babysitting anyway that it didn’t matter where?

would this upset you or would you be ok with it?

I need a glam-ish dress for a night out in Ibiza. This is tricky as im definitely not an "ibiza glam night out" sort of person! Its for a nice bar/club, so I want to be able to dance and not get too hot, but also feel a little bit special compared to everyday dresses.
Im short, size 8/10, small boots, small waist. Happy to show arms/legs. Im 40 and while I don't believe in having to dress a certain way, I also don't feel comfortable in many of the brands i used to wear when i would go out dressed up! I tend to suit blues and pastels but im open to suggestions. Max budget £150. Help!

I've two daughters aged 11 and 9. I think the elder is getting a lot of nonsense at school about her changes which will come along soon. Is it a good idea to talk about this to the two girls together, or entirely separately?

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Hi,

Sorry this will be quite long.

I am a single mum to a 13 month boy called 'Harry'.

When Harry was about 10 months old, he had his 9-12 month review and at this time, Harry was babbling sounds, but no actual words and would only army crawl everywhere. He was rolling and could sit with some wobbling. He had no interest in pulling himself up. He didn't point at things, but he could hold things in each hand. He wouldn't use cutlery, but he would let me feed him with a spoon. He has always had good eye contact. His weight and height were fine.

The Health Visitor said he was in grey areas for his gross motor skills and communication. She said someone would give us a call in a few months to see how he was doing.

Harry now babbles a lot more, but still no actual words. Sometimes he make sounds like "Maamaa' 'Gaagaa" and "Eye", which I assume is his version of "Hi". Harry has a range of vocalisations from low mumbles to high pitch screaming. He proper crawls now, pulls himself up against furniture etc and is also shimmering around the rooms. He can do this slow and fast pace and with either one or two hands. He still doesn't point, but reaches his hand(s) for me or for an object. He won't use cutlery.

Personally I have been struggling with comparing him to other babies/toddlers, which I know I shouldn't do, but I can't help it especially when another child younger or his age reaches a new milestone and he hasn't yet. I do feel depressed when his happens and feel paranoid about why he hasn't achieved this and that yet. I have spoken to my local Health Visitor, but she wasn't too concerned as he is still young.

I take him to baby groups in different places, so he can interact with other kids his age and hopefully it will encourage him to try new things. I sing and read to him, although he doesn't want to sit still for either, but I sing and read loud enough, so he still hears what I am saying. I also narrate our daily activities to him. We did stop using a dummy as I was told it can delay speech. Harry accepted this quite well. He drinks from 12+ months bottles as I was told that can help strengthen the mouth muscles.

I did start feeling more positive about his achievements. I have had people say how observant and happy he is.

A Health Visitor called today and went through his previous assessment and I said what he could do now. Although she sounded happy that harry was now shimmering etc, she said on her charts that his previous scoring hasn't changed and he was still in the grey areas for gross motor skills and communication.

To be honest, I was really crushed and dejected by this as I thought he was on the right track. The Health Visitor said someone will call me in about a month or so time to see how's he's doing.

After the call I did breakdown as I felt a mixture of shame and heartbroken as I finally felt he was doing what he is supposed to be doing at his age.

I don't know how to get back to feeling more positive. Everytime Harry babbles or pulls himself up or does anything all I can think is "He's still behind other kids" "He's still not doing what he is supposed to be doing" and "What's the point in encouraging him anymore?"

For me it’s &Other Stories. Granted I looked in yesterday and did try something in but there’s been a change of direction and Inam not liking it.

Please be honest, yet kind as I feel rather fragile and vulnerable with saying if you’d think i was crazy and seemed ridiculous…

There is a hairdresser who is really sought after who does amazing “old money” blondes and a beautiful salon, I haven’t had my hair dyed since before Covid so have really wanted it doing at this place. They stated four months ago they were almost booked up for the year, so I took the plunge to message to book. So I’m booked for next week.

However, the reason I haven’t had my hair dyed in five years is I can’t look at myself. For the past five years I’ve gone about daily life whacking makeup on without ever having looked at myself. I had a bad accident during lockdown and had a big surgery and I became really depressed and gained five stone. I couldn’t really see into the future at the time but once I got over being really depressed I have been left at 15 stones. I booked my hair thinking this would be me having to face myself, but I’m really panicking at having to look and just sit there feeling shit about myself.

In the past month I’ve finally got on mounjaro and lost a stone in three weeks…would the hairdresser think I was completely insane and loopy if I asked if I didn’t have to sit and look at myself, wear a face mask 🥴🥴 or just finally shook myself and confronted what I look like??

My weight has left my face unrecognisable to me. I used to have cheekbones and a neck!! When I needed surgery I just avoided myself but this continued and spiralled into today.

Please be kind if you respond.

MIL came back from a trip to Edinburgh and told us of a “really spooky” thing that happened that MUST have been a ghost because there’s no other explanation. She was walking in a field, no other people around, and she got a whiff of strong rose perfume. That’s it. She said that plus another occasion where her cat was looking at something on the wall when there wasn’t anything there have her convinced that ghosts are real.

I try not to engage in these conversations with my opinion really because people can believe in whatever they want to and it’s pointless getting into a debate about it, because if someone’s already made up their mind it’s hard to convince them otherwise. But she asked me if I’d ever had anything happen and I said no I don’t believe in ghosts. This lead to a conversation where she just kept saying “well go on then, give me one possible explanation for the perfume if it’s not a ghost!” And I was giving explanations that she just wouldn’t accept. How does someone think it’s impossible that someone was around wearing perfume and the wind was just wafting the smell over, but it’s perfectly plausible and OBVIOUS that perfume has transcended into the afterlife and a ghost is the only possible option?!

even if there was no possible explanation I could think of, I still wouldn’t jump to “it must be a ghost” I’d just accept that I don’t know the answer. I don’t understand why it HAS to be a ghost when it just makes no sense. I’m just curious, how many people actually believe in ghosts and why?

I've got 2 kids to buy for, one 12 year old daughter who is very much all about comfort but loves colour and pattern, and another 9 year old daughter who loves fashion/looking stylish and likes things a bit quirky. They both take ages 11-12 or 12-13

I honestly am really struggling to find nice things. It doesn't help that my 9-year old is very tall and therefore age 13 in the leg but she's as slim as a slim 9-year-old in the waist so I find a lot of stuff fits badly.

I usually buy 2nd hand/vinted but tried to get them a couple of new summer tops recently and just to see what was in the shops.

This week I've tried next (disappointingly dull in the older ages, overpriced for what it is, not as many natural fibres as there used to be) River Island (honestly uncomfortable looking, lots of synthetic fabrics, loads of it seems a bit "old" for their ages) H&M (Boring boring boring!!! So beige, so little fun, like kids are tiny office workers) New Look (Boring, too old for their ages) Marks (so little choice!!)

Any ideas where to look? I want kind of stylish but funky, smaller/slim fit sizes, graphic tee shirts, colour, pattern, fun!!

Thanks!

What happens to kids these days who fail their GCSE's?
It doesn't look like DC will get 4's and above in the exams next year. I know it's not the end of the world, just a bit limiting/will cause a delay on some paths.
When I did my GCSE's in 1994, it seemed like if you got C's and above, you did A-levels at 6th form and if you didn't do that well, you went to college and did a beauty or construction course there. My year group had lots who started a family early too.
What are your kids doing? And are they doing okay in themselves?

Ex and I usually follow the 2-2-3 co parenting rule which generally works well for us but as it’s summer holidays we’re giving week-on week-off a go. So far I hate it but that’s another story. The kids have been with him for 6 days and are back to me tomorrow. Today I’ve found out that he’s gone on holiday abroad with his girlfriend and the kids have been sent to their grandparents to stay for the day/night (kids will not be happy about this arrangement at all). I’ve text Ex and said that if either of us are unavailable during our scheduled child time then we should be defaulting back to the other co-parent before asking family members for sleepovers but do I even have a leg to stand on asking that? I know technically it’s none of my business what happens during his time with the kids but this has simultaneously pissed me off (because why does he want to cut his measly 50% any shorter) and upset me (because I know the kids will be having a miserable time with mean grandparents). Ugh.

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

Hi
Have battle through this summer with not enough clothes really

Probably a bit late, but still looking for proper lightweight cotton trousers

I had some great pairs of linen trousers from M&S that were really good through the years

These are obviously a lot more expensive now

It seems like just lightweight cotton drawstring only exist if you're buying a pair of pyjamas! Am I missing something? I'll budget around £30.

I just want plain colours. I don't want garish prints. I don't want that horrible balloon shape that everyone's got.

Just straight leg lightweight cotton - doesn't have to be form fitting but like skimming like trousers used to be. Just normal trousers.

No lycra

The simplest things are very hard to find these days! Of course, as soon as I buy the world thinnest trousers, the heat will go

There are so many horrible synthetic mixes around now it's mad

What am I missing? What else can I do?
I’ve left an abusive marriage after 12 years. I suffered physical abuse, emotional abuse and my ex is being charged with coercive and controlling behavior, harassment and GBH (as well as some other things but let’s not be too outing!)
As a result I’ve been left with some very damaged children (aged 7 and 6) - I will never ever forgive myself for the damage that’s been done.
They replicate the behaviour they’ve seen and been victim to themselves. They speak to me in the most vile way with insults, swearing and disrespect, they tell me to shut up, they rampage my house, they kick, bite and punch me and one another. They call me liar and useless. They say ‘I don’t have to listen to you’
I have an allocated Social Worker, I have completed an 8 week DVAP course and the children are on the waiting list for DVAP, I’ve had a DVAP worker allocated this week. I’m in the process of paying for private play therapy for the children. I’ve paid for the Freedom Programme.
What else can I do? what else should I do? I can’t fail the children any longer.

I have had a couple of months from hell. I am a teacher and at the end of May we were told that our school was closing on 10th July (private school). I am a single mum to my 6 year old DD and her dad lives abroad so I have her 100% of the time, no family who can have her at all, and she also went to my school so since the end of May I have had to find a new job and find a new school for her. I also don’t drive so this process has been extra difficult because I had to rule out various schools because they were impossible logistically.

After about 5 weeks of horrendous stress trying to keep going at school, comfort the students who were about to lose their school, comfort DD who was devastated while frantically job hunting and working a second job exam marking in the evenings as well to save up some extra money, I finally found a job and a school for DD. Unfortunately though, it requires us to move house.

So now, it’s the summer holidays and I am trying to
-pack up my house
-deal with all the moving admin
-sort out all the admin for DD’s new school, fill in paperwork/buy uniform etc
-attend interviews at the job centre because I am having to claim universal credit
-prepare for my new job in which I’ll be teaching lots of new things
-do online tutoring 5 evenings a week to supplement my income

and all of this while entertaining DD and trying not to spend too much money.

i am so very stressed that it is frightening me a bit. My fuse is incredibly short, I shout at poor DD at the drop of a hat and I keep crying. My scalp is flaky, my skin is breaking out and I am only sleeping about 5-6 hours a night despite being exhausted.

not sure what I’m asking for here but does anyone have any tips for reducing my stress levels? AIBU to be worried that DD will be traumatised by having such a stressed out, shouty mum? :( thanks for reading!

I've been fed up with trends and what's in the stores for years, I don't suit most of it and don't much like it either. I don't want to be on trend exactly, but neither do I want to stick out like a sore thumb. I want to merge in, but have my own personal comfort and ease with what i wear.

I will be moving soon from a mountainous place to a comparatively flat place. There are hills but nothing like the strong winds and rain of Cumbria. I am so used to outdoor gear, waterproofs and leggings and have a good amount of high quality togs, but they will only be useful for hiking when I've moved.

I will be working in academia, museum related, 52 yrs old. And I will need to update some of my clothing as i have not bought anything in years. After pulling my head apart over this for a while, I came to the conclusion that I want to simplify in a huge way, so that I feel good in what I wear, and that it serves it's purpose, but does not involve a lot of fuss or thought.

I thought about Steve Jobs and how he only wore the black top and jeans throughout his career; mostly as a branding exercise admittedly (he chose Issey Miyake and I can't quite afford that!) but also as a solution for decision fatigue. And i kind of like this idea very much, scaled for a woman, and with a touch more variation.

Does anyone do this, like stick to a sort of uniform of reliable outfits? I would love to know more about it if so, and how you go about it! It doesn't matter what it is, I am just really interested in simplifying it all and choosing what works for me at a pricepoint i can afford.

What else might I like? Sadly it’s only size 4 that’s left and I’m probably a size 10. I don’t want to buy from a MoB boutique and obviously don’t want to risk turning up in the same as anyone else. Healthy budget, short person! Hopefully I can get some ideas here

Not posted in AIBU as I know I technically am, but would you do this?

I live in a ground-floor flat in a small block of 11 surrounded by lawned communal gardens.

My flat seems like it was an afterthought. The main building is a rectangle, and my flat has been added onto the end as a smaller rectangle, so it's set back from the rest of the block.

I also don't have an upstairs neighbour, and I have my own private entrance. All the ground-floor flats have a patio and lawn in front of them, and there's also a large lawn at the rear of the property that is also quite private.

Because my flat is on the end and set back, you have to walk around the corner to reach the lawn outside mine or even know there is a flat there at all - as I said, it’s kind of been stuck on and is self contained. A lawn also runs down the side of my flat as well as in front too.

Nobody really uses the space outside mine due to its odd location and even the communal path doesn't lead to it... well, nobody except one person.

This neighbour has her own patio and lawn directly outside her flat, but she seems to prefer putting her clothes airer on the lawn outside mine. There's also plenty of space at the back of the building for hanging washing, where there are not really any windows overlooking - if she's after a bit more privacy for underwear, etc.

I know the gardens are shared, and technically she has every right to but it just feels a bit bizarre - the flat was empty for while before I moved in, so I am wondering if she was using the garden for washing and hosting etc.

She has to go out of her way to use this area because my flat is at the end and isn't connected by the path, this also means she walks quite close past my front door and windows. It's no sunnier than any other part of the gardens, and as I said, she has plenty of space directly outside her own flat.

It's not that I mind looking at washing. It's more that, because I'm the only person overlooking this little area, I start feeling responsible for her stuff. For example, it's on a corner and gets quite windy, so her airer regularly blows over. I've just had to bring my own washing in because it's started raining, but hers is still out there.

Am I being unreasonable for finding it a bit odd? I obviously won’t say anything to her as I know she technically has the right to it, but I just personally wouldn’t and nobody else does too!

Adult dd has asked me to go shopping with her for some basic office workwear, she will be starting another job soon and up till now has been in uniform, so needs a few things to get her started. I've just retired and am not up to speed with what people in their 20's wear to the office, so I'm looking for some advice please!

She will be on a fairly tight budget. Any ideas of what to buy and which shops to go to would be most welcome. What's the term - capsule wardrobe, that's it!

TIA

We are a family of 3 adults - my youngest still at home being 19. We don’t buy alcohol and have 2 cats. Like to eat as well as possible and I’d really been noticing I’d been overspending lately so decided to use ChatGPT to work through a budget with me

I want this budget to include all food, cat food and household type bits - of which I’m generally well stocked up on anyway. I also wanted this budget to just cover August to see how it goes

I’ve put a figure on it of £1000 and ChatGPT has been helpful in helping me see how to divvy it up etc into pots (I’ve previously just been spending as I feel) but tells me that ‘£1000 is very doable to not generous’

Not generous! Is this where we are at now? A grand a month is considered ‘a little tight with not much wriggle room.’

Thoughts? Are you spending this? More than this? I know it’s like asking how long is a piece of string but I think it’s highlighted to me that I need to perhaps meal plan a bit more!

I realise that "difficult" is a bit vague, so what I mean here is people who are demanding, domineering, strongly opinionated, lack self-awareness, self-serving, uncompromising, combabitive, say it as it is etc ......

To think that all those qualities stand you in better stead than being considerate, kind, self-aware, able to compromise, polite, reflective, tolerant etc.

I just can't see how unless I move to a Buddhist community the later serves me well!