I have a 29yo dd who I brought up for 10 years alone as her dad was never at home which was a blessing as when he was he was hideous. So being just the two of us, we were exceptionally close. I have since remarried and she adores her step dad.

She recently moved in with her bf and i’m having a wallow this evening.. she’s on a plane to NY and didn’t even message me to say bye. What’s wrong with me? I should be happy she has a great job, loving partner and close friends. Wasn’t easy living with an adult child and she drove me to distraction but tonight for some reason I’m feeling that part of me is missing and gone forever. Please knock some sense into me!

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Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

So am I overreacting:
We are on holiday with my husbands family (parents, siblings, grandparents). Tonight at dinner my little one (9 months, our first) was getting towards too tired at dinner but was still cheerful so I was preparing to help him to eat as much as he could and stay as cheerful as possible before getting him whisked off to bed. He was getting a little fussy while everyone was dishing up and sitting down, and out of nowhere my MiL says "oh are you thirsty" and offers him his cup of water, I explained immediately that we generally only offer water after he's eaten something to avoid him filling up on water, then she took the cup away and he lost his mind (which he will do when tired and something he likes is taken away). He wouldn't eat a scrap of dinner and screamed unless actively walked around and distracted. My husband got annoyed as well as his mum kept coming to our end of the table to try (uninvited) to help (offering food etc.). Finally we finish dinner and get to take our baby up for a bath so we can get him fed (milk) and settled. We've just got him out of the bath and she walks into our room! She hung over our shoulders while we got him dried and into a nappy and it was awful, she practically deafened me squealing in my ear trying to cheer the baby up because he literally started screaming as soon as she came in the room. My husband is feeling overwhelmed because she won't back off and I was furious but staying calm. I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work, but she has done this kind of thing before (giving him toys in the high chair or nibbles of cake without my permission) and it feels very disrespectful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to just stay in her lane as the grandma?

I’m watching Clodagh McKenna’s new show on ITV, scratching my head as to why this cringey “oh look how bubbly and fun I am” complete with permanent rictus smile is suddenly everywhere from nowhere and read that she is married to Henry Herbert, son of the 7th Earl of Canarvan.

AIBU that my heart sinks that yet again here’s another example of success being about marrying into the establishment and connections rather than genuine talent?

I love reading about the history of food and recipes and how we ended up eating what we do. Along the way some foods have become commonplace and some are sought after and celebrated (mostly because expensive).

I am here to celebrate the pea. That pretty and delicate little green ball that I can’t believe comes in giant bags for £1.50. How is it so cheap? Why don’t people appreciate it? A dish of peas with butter and mint is divine. They are so delicious and delicate and pretty. Did people appreciate them properly when they had to remove them from their pods and could only eat them fresh for a couple of weeks?

Other things that absolutely punch are sesame oil, sumac, balsamic vinegar. Why are they not more expensive?!

Daughter is having a registry office wedding, family only, followed by a meal in a local restaurant. Colour theme is navy and lilac. So I’m not going to go full on MOTB. What do you think to this dress? I would wear lilac heels and carry a lilac clutch.

www.monsoon.co.uk/rowena-v-neck-ruffle-floral-print-maxi-dress-blue-24010650003.html

Can anyone recommend one that’s good but really small, as a stocking filler?!

I'm lucky to be in a full time job, but it's incredibly stressful (I know everyone says this, but it's quite specific in a mental health setting with physical attacks happening - although I have been hurt myself, what has ultimately broken my resilience is not being able to protect vulnerable people in my care, as sometimes things genuinely happen completely "out of the blue", which means I spend nine hours a day on high alert mentally).

Anyway, two weeks ago something happened again and I kept going two more days and then just couldn't.

So I need to find a new job. I have an in demand qualification but I'm in my 50s...

Also the stress has really got to me, in combination with menopause and a couple of recently surfaced health issues, and I've put on quite a lot of weight, plus I haven't been to the hairdressers for at least a year...

I sound like a real catch for an employer 🫣

I need to do something to make myself feel a bit more presentable as I apply for jobs. I'm not in an office based career sonI don't need to look corporate, I need to look capable, rather than frazzled and fed up. I am actually very good at my job, I'm just in a situation where I've begun to feel hopeless and helpless.

So - I have long straggling grey hair. I can do something about this at least.

Would you colour it? I haven't coloured since before the pandemic and don't care on a personal-life level whether it is ageing BUT if I'm interviewing for active jobs I probably should be looking dynamic, and if not "youthful" at least not significantly older than I am...

Suggestions for cut? Do I have to revert to the bob of doom? Unfortunately I have a round face and I'm not remotely elven - proper short doesn't work on me.

Any hair suggestions to give me a lift back into presenting myself positively?

Husband applied for a job as a train driver without telling me....
I'm a bit confused, is it normal for people to apply for a radically different career without discussing with their spouses??! He's currently found an office job. I don't think he got the train job as it's been 8 weeks since the application and he hasn't heard anything, and has just decided to tell me now.

my post should read how rubbish is this budget!

So I will only get a state pension and income from an investment property for my retirement ( monies from an inheritance ) as I have looked after my disabled son. So the Gov have gone against me as ever.

But have they gone against the extremely wealthy or huge corporates that exercise price transfer re tax tax or use franchises/ loan agreements etc to legally avoid tax?

Nope.

I actually loathe this government now. They always shield the wealthy and go for the middle classes. Those with a bit of bank interest or a single asset let’s tax that more - easy pickings.

I’ve been with my partner 5 years, very happy but don’t live together. I really value my own space and increasingly my free time - I don’t like too many social commitments as I get older and prefer at least 2/3 nights to myself a week and a couple of free weekends in a month.

Partner wants me to go out with his friends and do things with his family, they’re all perfectly nice but I prefer spending time with my own friends, with him, with my daughter or by myself. I’ve done the years of in-laws when I was married and I’m not really interested in someone else’s family. My parents are getting older which takes up time too.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings or offend anyone but why do I need to be included all the time? AIBU not to want to or is it just part of a relationship?

I can’t get through to the hospital or my GP. Been trying all day after getting a letter today.

I had a mole removed from my back in the middle of September. Today I have a letter asking me to attend an appointment on 6th November. Nothing explained in the letter no mention of results. I am a lone parent and have no support I am terrified about what this could mean for my very young child.

Please can anyone help? I don’t have the NHS app and have tried calling the GP to see if they’ve had anything back. The letter says it I cannot attend and don’t tell them then I may not be offered another appointment and will be referred back to my GP. I feel sick and so scared and alone.

I see this all over MN and elsewhere - women declaring that its vital to wear a high factor SPF EVERY day.

Today its late October, high storm with ferocious wind and rain,why on earth would anyone put SPF on? Even if I was going outside, it would be for a tiny amount of time. The iphone tells me the UV index is 1. Please tell me what benefit wearing an SPF today would give anyone?

I wear SPF in summer on my face but only if/when I'm going outdoors. I'm not anti SPF - and the range of SPF available for the face is fabulous, but I am much more of an "apply as needed" type. I think about my day, the time of year etc.

Applying SPF in winter, on days with low UV ratings when you're likely to be indoors most of the day seems ridiculous. Unless I was to spend a sunny winter day outdoors hiking, I won't apply SPF until spring now and I think this is sensible.

What do people think they are achieving applying SPF through a British winter? Why the advice to wear high SPF layer on your face every day religiously?

Name changed. I looked after someone else's 3 year old today. Made biscuits, took them to the park, took them swimming. I am trying to lose weight. Had healthy breakfast but thought I'd take an apple for after swimming then have soup when I got home. Made packed lunch for child (and my child who also came). As we were getting changed child spotted apple in my bag. Wanted apple. I said no as it was my lunch and they had a big packed lunch. They cried, moaned, whinged. I could understand that they were hungry after the swim but then we got in the car and I handed over their lunch - sandwiches, crisps, veg sticks, fruit. But no apple. All I could hear all the way home was "I wanted appppppleeee" Floods of tears.

I ate my apple as I was driving. It was lovely. Crunchy. Juicy. Tasty. I enjoyed it. AIBU? Would you have handed over your apple? As soon as we got home I gave the child an apple. Did they eat it? Course not. One bite then left on the sofa.

I want to wear a white t shirt under jumpers. Any suggestions for one that isn't too thick and the neckline can be seen above the jumper?

I live with my partner and our toddler who recently turned two. My Partner doesn't get involved with family life or seem that enthused about spending time together and it's making me so upset.

I do 99.9% of the childcare and housework. I don't mind doing the bigger jobs (e.g cleaning the bathroom) as I'm home earlier and work less hours but my partner won't even put his plate in the dishwasher after eating. He'll come home and go straight to laying on the sofa looking at his phone or play Xbox in the living room whilst I play/read with our toddler. I've tried talking to him about it but he just says he's needs to relax after work.

It's the same at the weekend. Any downtime he'll lay on the sofa and look at his phone. He won't play with our toddler he'll just put the TV on for him.

I appreciate family outings aren't the most exiciting but I just want to make some nice memories. Whenever we go anywhere, my partner will moan and say he's bored or just look at his phone. He won't join in with family photos. I've tried asking him what he wants to do with our son but he never gives any suggestions. We don't have to do expensive activities all the time, I'd be more than happy with a walk or going to the park. I've tried speaking with him about his mental health too, if he's feeling low or struggling but he says he's fine.

It's honestly breaking my heart we don't have nice family time. I just want to feel happy and loved and I don't feel like that at all. I'm lonely a lot of the time and so jealous when my friends speak about doing nice things with their partners.

I don't know what to do at this point. Any advice is welcome. We've been talking about another baby and I really want one but I know realistically there's no point having another one if I'm basically a single parent.

Sent from Outlook for Android

Obviously there is a time and place for this phrase because we need to have a realistic financial plan and a functioning economy.

But society is more than just money. And I feel like this phrase is really making people view each other in a nasty way, purely focused on whether they provide economic value or not.

There are so many ways to contribute. The people who look after our small children, teaching assistants and 1 to 1s who look after SEN children, many healthcare workers, the people who care for our elderly, they all get paid a pittance but that work is so valuable to our society.

We're more than just our finances and there are many ways to contribute to society, many of which are not reflected in the economy.

Doing my mortgage prep tonight and feeling completely clueless about reality vs expectation! I'm trying to gauge whether we're being sensible or overstretching ourselves.

What do you earn, what type of house are you in (is it the dream?!), and what are your monthly outgoings like and mortgage repayments.

Are you happy with the balance, or regretting it?

I have done this a few times I should add and well I end up landing ok but this time it’s a bigger purchase and our salaries haven’t risen much last 6 years since we last did this.

Dd 8 loves getting post, parcels etc and having something to open every month.
Unfortunately where we live there are quite limited subscription options for kids, and what is available is very expensive.

Have thought up the (hopefully) brilliant idea of gifting her a 'present-a-month box' for Christmas so am thinking if I start planning now I'll have lots of time to make it fun and filled with things she'll love.

I'd like to have a bit of a theme for each month/make it seasonal e.g. I'm thinking for the October present I'll get a halloween costume or cool decoration, so will look for that this week now that everything is on sale.

Dd loves reading, lego, harry potter, imagination and adventure games. Ideally budget would be £100 max but I'm very happy to buy on vinted/charity shops etc.

All ideas appreciated! Thanks 😊

Once more into the breach dear friends!!

We’ve just landed in Florida for a week-long family holiday. There’s me, DH, DS13 and DS15. We spent a fortune before we came out getting everyone kitted out with new clothes and brand-new trainers—including a lovely pair of Nike Dunks for DS15.

We picked out his travel outfit together: hoodie, baggy joggers, and his box-fresh Dunks with classic white Nike socks. Looked great.

Fast forward to checking into the hotel last night. DS15 is sitting on the armchair, his joggers ride up, and I notice... no socks. (He spent all summer going sockless in old knackered Vans and Astro turf boots which I didn't mind because they were already ruined, but still!). Anyway, I went into their room later and it absolutely reeked. Turns out he wore his brand-new Dunks with no socks for the entire journey here! 🤢

This morning, before heading to the theme parks, we wanted a family photo. DH and DS13 look great in fresh shorts and new trainers with ankle socks. DS15? Sockless again.

I gently pointed out that:

1. He’s going to get horrific blisters in the Florida heat.
2. He’s going to completely ruin his new Dunks in days.
3. The trainer smell is already vile.

He kicked off in front of everyone, telling me to "grow up," "get a life," and "what’s it got to do with me?!"

Later, I popped back to the room for suncream and thought I'd take him a pair of trainer socks just in case. Had a quick nosey in his suitcase... there are literally zero socks in his entire bag. He has actively planned and packed to go sockless for the whole week.

DH says to leave him to it, but we are the ones sharing a room and hire car with his melting, stinking feet! AIBU to be furious with his behaviour and choices!

I work permanent nights 4 nights a week, 10pm till 6am. Been doing it about 2 years now and generally it suits me and the money is better than when I was doing days. Problem is I dont seem to be able to get a decent amount of sleep without it becoming an issue at home.

I get home about half 6, have a shower and something to eat then go to bed around 7.30. Usually try and sleep till 2ish before getting up. My partner works part time in a school kitchen so she’s up early with our youngest who’s 4. Her daughter is 15 and obviously has school and her own things going on. I’m not expecting the house to be silent all day but the tv can be heard in our bedroom, doors banging, shouting up the stairs etc. I’ve asked if they can just keep it down a bit while I’m asleep but apparently I’m expecting everyone to tiptoe round me.

Saturday was the latest argument. I’d finished my last shift that morning and went to bed expecting to get a few hours in. My partner had arranged for her daughter to have a friend round and they were watching tv downstairs. It woke me up twice so I went down and asked if they could turn it down a bit. My partner got annoyed with me for coming down and said they were just trying to have a normal Saturday and I couldn’t expect everyone to sit in silence because I work nights.

I do understand that the house is meant to be lived in and I’m not saying the kids can’t make any noise at all. There’s a difference between normal noise and having the tv blaring though surely. I work to help pay the bills and the extra money from nights makes a difference to us so its not as if I’ve chosen to do this for no reason.

The other issue is my partner thinks I should be getting up earlier at weekends instead of sleeping half the day away. I have tried it and I’m absolutely knackered by the evening. I want to spend time with them as well but I also need to sleep at some point.

She says I should get better earplugs or sort the bedroom out rather than expecting everyone else to change what they’re doing. We do have curtains that block most of the light and I’ve tried earplugs but I can still hear things, especially if someone is shouting.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to keep the noise down for a few hours while I’m asleep? I dont expect the whole house to revolve around my shifts but I dont think asking for a bit of consideration is unreasonable either. Just interested in what other people with night shift partners do really.

My friend is kindly hosting a night for me and two others, a girly catch up.

When suggested we agreed on getting a takeaway and consensus from earlier this week was to get an Indian, and we earmarked the specific takeaway we’d order from.

My friend hosting has messaged to say she has picked up a ‘deal‘ from the supermarket this afternoon so she has got some ready meal curries and sides and said we can sort the money out on the night.

First world problem I know, but a supermarket ready meal doesn’t really hit the spot compared to a proper Indian takeaway so I feel a bit annoyed! She didn’t check with us before.

I'm thinking of investing in my first pair of knee high boots, but am nervous about them being work appropriate!
Are these suitable, e.g. with an almost-knee-length skirt? I imagine I could also wear them with a miniskirt out of work

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/4591300000

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/5026200000

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendations are:
https://prepare.campaign.gov.uk/get-prepared-for-emergencies/

ROUGH STATUS REPORT (as of 9am 22nd Oct - please note this isn't fully comprehensive, and is moving FAST)
Civil Unrest reported in:
France, Italy, Greece, Belgium, Albania, Indonesia - multi reasons, but largely due to economic pressures and the cost of living
Spain has had problems but these have temporarily stopped, probably due to significant weather related issues due to the Dana effect
More protests planned for this coming weekend
High Alert in the Middle East:
Netanyahu now committed to regime change in Iran, as he believes they are developing a nuke.
The US has pulled all Embassy Staff from Saudi Arabia and is hoping no one notices that they've ordered personal and families across the Gulf home and then seem to have lied that they have.
The Emir of Qatar has stated at their equivalent of the annual King's Speech at the Opening of Parliament that war was coming and to prepare for the worst scenarios. US pulling planes out of Qatar.
The Egyptian PM has warned the country of severe crisis ahead - given the nature of the country this is related to their alliance with Saudi Arabia and their reliance on the Suez Canal which the Yemeni rebels now control access to and their exposure to famine
Iran is saying if there is another attack, the gloves are off and they'll try and wipe out the middle east oil industry as they go down, as well as hitting critical civilian infrastructure.
Much movement / noise is similar to run up to the first US attacks this year. Debate over whether the attack will come before the Israeli Election or the US Midterms - possibly within 72hours - latest mood music suggests potentially this weekend. Seems to be shifting to a when not if.
Israel election: 27th Oct
Prices and Shortages:
Diesel needs no real reminder - we need it for haulage, mass transportation and farming, we are screwed without it. Fuel Emergency declarations in West Virgina, Kentucky, Michigan, Maryland, Arizona, Nebraska and Texas - typically allowing limited dyed diesel use for ag or commercial vehicles. Illinois and Missouri have also allowed by not under emergency orders. Less reported is the fertiliser shortage and knock on effect, poor yields this year and the effect of El Nino on next years, sulphur export bans and the blockade on Ukrainian and Russian wheat exports which are particularly crucial in feeding North Africa and the Middle East. This is liable to have significant impact on the UK with 6% rises in food already expected next year (and there's every reason to believe this will be higher especially with civil unrest all over the place). Reports of aviation fuel running low in some parts of Europe with emergency supplies (which can't last forever) being used.
El Nino:
See above about farming and also think of disasters - like the ones Spain is facing with flooding. Storm Austin is incoming and there is a weather warning for the South of England with power outages and flooding possible today/tomorrow.
The Internet:
PHP is 70% of the internet. Its got compromised so it can pretty much all be hacked. This is VERY BAD (in capital letters). Many websites offline whilst this is sorted including multiple government ones around the world.
Just AI generally - everything from putting everyone out of work to just hacking and killing us all. No Biggie.
Trump and the Mid Terms:
Trump is firmly losing his marbles. He's defected to Russia, can't stop rambling about men's arses, is waving at non-existent people, his team are known to be considering ways to impose martial law, he's getting heckled at Trump rallies by his own supporters, 83% of all voters think the biggest problem in the US now isn't the cost of living crisis but government corruption. He's being called a traitor by some of his fellow Reds. Mid Terms look a disaster and Trump probably won't accept them. He's reversing bills that Congress passed weeks ago by executive order.
Mid-Terms: 3rd Nov
Ukraine and Russia:
Ukraine facing massive problems still cos Elon has got the ump. Starlink isn't working at face enough speeds. They've bombed a shedload of Data Centres in Russia. This has killed off the Russian Internet and many Trump/Musk supporters in the process (one way or another) which screws up Twitter (and its value) for them. Ukraine is getting blamed for diesel shortages cos they refuse to stop hitting Russian refineries even though it has no choice now its been cut off by the US. Zelenskyy now says Trump isn't an ally. Trump wants Zelensky gone and thinks Putin is being reasonable and Ukraine doesn't want peace. Germany states it would have activated Art5 if the confirmed Russian sabotage attack on Liepzig had been successful.
Russia is apparently planning to step up its sabotage campaign in Europe after having successfully sunk a few boats in EU waters (Romania / Bulgaria - these sinkings have been in both international waters off the coast AND within their official territorial waters).
Economy:
Lots of debt. Much concern over the implications of this particularly with regards to AI and state debt in the US, UK, France and Japan (but not restricted to). Much money put into gold by China. Background of this bad given the approach of potentially multiple crisis.
France Moody's credit review: Due tomorrow 23rd Oct - expected to be not good especially in the current political climate in France
UK Budget: 28th October

They are all interconnected and one or many could tip us into abject chaos. Or not. The risks here are sky high. Of what? Take your pick.