I'm looking for a fashionable, smart and practical outfit for running an all day conference next month. It'll be a 15 hour day most likely.

I'm late 30s but look young for my age. My wardrobe is really dated as I mainly worked remote roles and was on maternity leave in the last 5 years and I'm very time poor. I'm pale with dark hair, 5ft5 and size 10 but with a big bust. Slightly short legs for my height but I don't think I can tolerate heels or uncomfortable shoes for very long.

I'm thinking a wide leg trouser suit with a dark satin shirt with loafers. Does this sound like a good shout? And if so any brand recommendations?

I have got lots of different styles of jumper some loose and some fitted, but it doesn’t always feel right to wear them with nothing underneath. But if I wear a T-shirt, it feels too bulky.

What do people wear underneath their jumpers?

I am a mum of 3 (6,5 & 1) and recently feel like I am shouting a lot at the oldest 2, not screaming but loudly shouting their names or ‘stop it’ when they are just not listening, being dangerous or fighting. I then tend to cycle between guilt and overwhelm. I have tried asking nicely but when I have asked 10+ times to put shoes on the only thing that works is shouting their name. Yesterday my older boy (6) was being dangerous while walking home from school and after asking him to stop multiple times I shouted ‘can you just stop it’ so loud all the other mums turned and looked. Other things I shout are ‘come back here’ or ‘get down’ etc. I seem to be the only one doing it though. I model saying sorry, try and explain impact etc and in general do try and ask nicely many times. In general though they just ignore me. I am not sure what to do to improve behaviour and when I google shouting it seems like I am the only one doing it and I need to be better - but how? Those that have cracked parenting, what is the answer? Sometimes I think mine need more fear of consequence but I obviously don’t want to unfairly upset them. How do I dial back the shouting while maintaining any kind of control? Like I get they are tired as near the end of half term and I try and be understanding but one completely ignoring me doesn’t help for the other 2 when we need to get to school etc.

Not somewhere I usually look as we don't have a big Sainsbury's near here with a clothing section, just the little convenience stores.

Saw they had a sale on though and ordered a few things and I'm SO impressed. Ordered this dress https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc148498351 which admittedly is not the most fashion forward item on the planet but I was looking for a comfortable dress for holidays and smart-casual occasions. It's such good quality - really thick, 100% cotton and has pockets! £7.80 absolute bargain. Also bought a grey cardigan/vest thing which is very thick and will keep me cosy in winter.

So did I just hit it lucky or is the general quality of TU better than Asda, Tesco etc?

I’m not really sure whether I can articulate this very well, but I’ll give it my best shot.

I think I support a route for Harry and Meghan to find a route back into the fold of the royal family, and find that odd and conflicting given everything that has happened.

I found the Oprah interview, the freedom flight, the Spare revelations awful. It felt really unpleasant the way Meghan came into the royal family, was active for so little time and then criticised it all so publicly and in a way that seemed a bit of a cultural miss (I’m not referring to the racism allegations here). I think that her American mindset perhaps did not fully understand the tacit consent nature of the royal family and the constitutional delicacies with which the titles are held. This is why it makes commercialisation and speaking at round tables about ‘power’, jarring.

However, despite ALL of this this, I see two human beings. One man who has grown up, without any consent, in a strange institution, in the glare of the spotless, completely traumatised by the death of his mother in horrendous circumstances when he was a young boy. A veteran too. Although not comparable to this, Meghan clearly has also had a dysfunctional childhood too. These latest revelations around her father mean that from the outside, none of us really know what’s going on.

I would like them all to just be happy. I feel like collectively it would be awesome as a nation if we could give the family the framework to sort it all out by just saying ‘look, H&M, you did some crazy shit, it was hugely damaging and cruel. But we understand that you guys have gone through crap too. Let’s look forward- try and sort it out’.

I’d honestly like to be done with the drama and for everyone to just get on. Does anyone else feel like this? I know it doesn’t really work like this in practice, I’m just trying to get across how I’m feeling.

Please also try and be a bit kind in your responses. I think this is coming from a place where everything just feels really negative/heavy in life at the moment and the need for some positivity,

My DM in her 80s cares for my disabled ddad who has dementia. She has found embroidery and cross stitch relaxing and has enjoyed doing one recently. I’d like to get her an advent calendar that gives her a project to do every day as she’s getting very anxious about Christmas, but all the ones I’ve found are mini ones which would just take her minutes. I have no clue about things like this and also don’t knew what she’d do with the finished product(s) but think the process would help her. If anyone has any suggestions I’d be very grateful! Thanks.

We have Christmas Dinner about 3pm with the pudding about 5, so we don’t need a full on meal/buffet in the evening. We always have a cheeseboard with various trimmings as it’s easy and everyone can eat as much or as little as they like. Anyone who wants one can make a turkey sandwich. Crisps, fruit, cake, chocolate openly available. This works well and I’m sure if I suggested a change there would be uproar. However I would like to consider alternative ideas that are simple, light, little prep, help yourself type things? Adult guests only.

I have a sagging jawling and neck, in my mid 50s, never had cosmetic treatments before. I have platysma bands. I think it's time I do something about it. I have thyroid u3 nodules and a past parotidectomy so my options are limited.

I need something that is safe for me, cost effective with long term results (no neck lifts).

Please advice.

House been on the market since Easter, it’s in the catchment for the much sought after local grammar, well priced, was valued originally at £595,000. We had an offer for £575,750 which we accepted during the summer hols but then fell though due to reasons unrelated to the house. We need to relocate, so dropped the price, even though much larger than most houses in the surrounding streets and better parking. Estate agents can offer no constructive feedback that I can act upon. I get that it’s not all grey etc but it’s a period house and has a wealth of features intact. Any ideas?
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/91344150

Obviously not all gay men. I have many gay friends who wouldn’t dream of behaving this way.

I was at a party this weekend and saw a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. He tried to grab my breasts, did grab another woman’s, and forced my hands to touch his chest. He is gay and seems to think that means this behaviour is acceptable. I had another two friends in the past, who I no longer speak to, and they would often grab their female friends’ breasts as well.

It is absolutely not acceptable. The thinking appears to be that they obviously aren’t attracted to women so therefore can paw at their bodies.

People talk about these crazy massive families that exist on news but what is the largest family you know? Im from quite a middle class area down south. Most families I know have one or two kids, sometimes three. I have one friend pregnant with her fourth and know one school mum with five! Very unusual though.

Hi,

Id like to study a masters part time for two years and I currently receive universal credit. The goal is to find a better job and eventually come off of uc and work full time when DD is older and is in primary school.

The area of work I’d like to explore requires a Masters degree. I have an undergrad degree but would need to go back to uni. I have a house to run and a young DD so want to know how much it would impact me?

I'm straight. I've always been attracted to men. After a lot of back and forth, I even dated one (for a godawful amount of time, too, by the way). Except that relationship has completely screwed me over. It's been years and I haven't dated anyone else.

My understanding of consent is gone. I might even be asexual now. I swing between extremes of repulsion towards the male species versus an intense kind of hate towards them because I'm convinced I'll never get the love I wanted. Every women I know in a relationship is compromising. Every man to me has either assaulted a woman, has continued to associate with an assaulter or the secret third option, done something against women that people are not aware of yet. (Hell, have you ever opened a p"rn site and seen the kind of views the most degenerate videos get? And if poor middle school me can stumble across someone's r"pe fantasy, what's to say my future husband hasn't?)

Maybe, I do ever date a man again, and hell, I get married to one. How do I know he's not like my ex and won't change colours years down the line when I've let go of my job and am raising kids? Screw assault, what if he harms me? The stats speak volumes. What if I end up as a case on the paper, too?

Somewhere along the way, my fear of men combined with my desire for love has melded into this soup where I can barely talk to a man without being curt for no apparent reason. I feel intense dislike like "this is a male and this male has sexual desires and is hence, disgusting. There's something wrong with him, I just don't know it yet".

The idea of dying alone is simultaneously terrifyingly lonely and also a relief. Not to mention the repercussions of living with all this hate in me. I've already somehow begun to drift from my male friends. What do I do?
[And no, therapy isn't an option, thanks]

I’m just curious so asking the question- would you pay a fee for this? Not a monthly subscription just a one-off payment/ a few payments to somebody who could work with you to help you restore your home so it is organised and easy to keep clean and clutter free? The person would be non-judgmental but help you systemise your home so it would be easier to keep on top of etc. thanks everyone 😊

Are there any other birth mothers out there who are willing to share experiences? Is this an OK place for me to ask for their experiences?
I have been caring for my nine month old as a single mother (albeit with help from my mother) but have come to the realisation that I can not continue to care for him. I dread every day and have been taking every measure possible to improve my mental health since he was born but to not avail. I know the adoptees on reddit are very skewed against birth mothers voluntarily giving up their children but I think sometimes it can be necessary.

My best friend recently confided in me that 2 years ago her partner’s ex (mother of his child) messaged her revealing that her partner had been sending her sexual text messages and images (of his private parts) - she showed her screenshots. He admitted it and she was devastated, but said she couldn’t let his bitter ex break them up.

I was quite shocked for multiple reasons. Her partner seems unremarkable and dull tbh, but he always seemed to make her incredibly happy and she also spoke about what a great dad he is to his child,. On her Facebook, it appears like they have the perfect relationship - happy pictures of them on the beach, date nights, they go on multiple holidays a year etc. She takes on the role of Mum during his weekends when he has his child - bathes, reads, does homework etc.

However I just can’t help but think she deserves better. It might have been a “one off” but cheating one time is surely enough? I see it as pure disrespect. I just know there are many other men out there who could make her just as happy if not more and never cheat on her? It’s also made me question if she’s really as happy as she appears in her pictures on Facebook and instagram?

I could never forgive my partner if he cheated on me, I’d feel insecure and inferior and I’d have to leave him, despite all of our happy times - and we have children together!

Am I right in thinking she was wrong to forgive him? It appears that she wanted to prove his ex partner a point, that nothing will ever split them up? She has called the ex a psycho, however I take this with a pinch of salt, as know men make up many stories about their exes to make them look crazy!

Ok I’m only 8 days in to the systemic HRT, and 15 days into the low dose vaginal oestrogen. I know it takes a while to see the benefits but so far all that’s happened is:

1. the rage is BAD. I had bad rage a few years ago when I started peri but took natural supplements which curbed that. I’ve stopped taking the supplements as I was thinking it’s a bit pointless taking both, and now I’m cranky as hell. Angry driver, losing it with teenage child for no reason, I was pretty zen before.

2. a new crop of acne, mostly on my chin and a lovely one on my cheek.

3. not a period (haven’t had one since May), but a persistent trickle of brown sludge type stuff for a the last few days 🤢.

And the main things that I worried about - fatigue, joint pain etc, as bad as ever, but I wouldn’t expect them to have changed much. I thought long and hard about HRT as I am worried about the increased cancer risk, but was feeling so shitty I eventually thought it has to be worth a try.

But now I feel just as shitty but with new types of shittiness added too. What gives?

Welcome back all.

We rattled through the last thread and with Black Friday round the corner this one will go fast too. I hope we haven't all spent up on advents... 😂

Thank you as always to our regulars for you contributions and if you've been reading and thinking of joining come and say hello. 😊

We are hosting boxing day for the first time this year. This is the only day of the year the whole family is together and the first time ever it hasn't been at my parents house! I am asking family to bring booze and pudding.
What nice and low pressure things is everyone making over xmas?

I've said outside the emergency services (police/ambulance) because it's generally expected to see high numbers of awful behaviour through crime/pain/emergency situations etc.

Which jobs do you think see the worst in people? I work in catering and was thinking this today as we regularly have rude, entitled people who can generally look down their nose at you which i had a lot of today. Obviously jobs have good and bad customers/guests/clients but what are the worst in your opinion?

This may sound silly but I have diagnosed my DH with the above. He exemplifies each system on the list. I am finding him really difficult to deal with, in every way at the moment and we argue everyday. I am so exhausted, I cry daily - I cannot say anything to him without him taking it as a criticism and aggressively turning back around to me. For an example - one of many in the last 24 hours - I have reminded him that it is DS’s swimming lesson this morning that he needs to take him to and he instantly became flustered and became angry. DS has had the same swimming lesson for the past 5 weeks! Anyway, I really want to hear from other people who have someone close to them with High functioning ADHD and how you cope.

It's happened and I am in my elasticated trouser era. Loads of sweatpants available but am I too old?

I looked at John Lewis (of course I did) and they have lots of Superdry ones which look comfortable but would I be a laughing stock (late 50s)? It all looks very 90s Britney and early Jack Wills to me which was my university era. Luckily I don't care but I do need to understand the exact coding so I can style out my mutton mistakes if I make them.

I would ask my children but I was partying so hard in the 90s that I forgot to have them.

This would be for wearing at home mostly but I do venture out in daylight hours occasionally.

We’ve made the tough decision to pull our property from the market.

We put our house up for sale in March, accepted an offer in May and found a house we loved, lost our buyer in July and have been trying to sell ever since. We’ve had viewings, reduced the price but only offers we’ve had are silly ones which means we can’t afford to upsize like we need to.

Mortgage rate increases meant the house we wanted is now unaffordable. It’s just too stressful so we’ve decided to stay put another 2 years and try again when things have hopefully settled down again.

has anyone else decided to pull their property?prop

I have an 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. I have a 10-month-old son with my partner. Today, my partner said that I'm affecting my daughter's ability to be independent because she and I were holding hands whilst out on a walk...

We're on a family trip to York, the city was busy and my daughter reached out for my hand and so we held hands and walked through the city whilst I pushed our young son in his pram.

I'd say she reached out for my hand for affection and safety, she's always been an affectionate person and to me this is absolutely normal behaviour. I was loving every moment, being there for both my children, keeping them safe as is my job as a responsible and loving parent.

Considering their age and the situation we were in, I can't see where my partner is coming from at all. It was hurtful to hear them say this as I'd like to think that if our own son were to reach out for their hand at 11-years-old then they'd accept their hand rather than dismiss it, as a lesson to gain dependence.

What are people's thoughts on this?

An ex colleague who I have been friends with for nearly 20 years introduced me to some of his friends about 12 years ago. There is a giy in his 50s in our friendship group and had a crush on me. Years ago he was kneeing me under the table and his fiancée was next to him. I had to get up and speak to another person who was with us outside and he was really good and said let’s swap seats.

This guy would pester me with messages and I had to phase him out. 18 months ago his girlfriend caught him staring at me and smiling at a group meal last year. She was stern and had a go at him at the meal quietly but I could hear. Luckily he stopped messaging after this.

Recently he has started messaging again. I ended the conversation about having to go to work but he won’t stop. I don’t want this harassment. I have a partner who I am happy with. I can’t cut him off as we all go out for group meals but don’t want to message.

I know it’s not all men but I have had this before and don’t know why they think it is acceptable to harass a woman who has not shown any interest. It’s getting me down as I don’t need this hassle again.