My DB looked after both of my DCs at the weekend and DD (11) and himself had a falling out. DB was furious when dropping them back and said outright that he won’t be looking after her again.
I don’t blame him and I’m very disappointed in her, but I also know that my brother holds grudges for ever, which means that this will cause friction for the wider family.
DD is digging in her heels and refuses to apologise, but she seemed upset this evening and I think that she is ashamed and will come around.
That’s it. I just needed to vent because it’s the last thing I needed to start the week.

I’ve NCd for this. I’m looking for some honest thoughts and opinions that I probably won’t get in real life.

I’m 34 and have MS. I tend to look ok (not to myself, but as in, you probably wouldn’t guess to look at me apart from on a very bad day). Lots of my symptoms are invisible: balance, muscle spasms, numbness, dizziness, and the worst of them all, fatigue.

I live with my parents, and I work full time. My parents do SO much for me, they do the food shop and all of the housework. I do pay my way (a third of everything, and a bit extra). I go to work, exercise twice a week and then crash at the weekends. I often won’t leave the sofa because I’m so exhausted. If I try to see friends etc, I’m done in for the next working week too. I truly can’t explain what the fatigue feels like- I’m so bone tired and brain foggy I’m tearful at the thought of another day ahead, even after nine hours sleep.

I desperately want to buy a house and have some independence, but I really can’t envisage being able to work full time and then do all of the life stuff that my parents currently are basically doing for me. I’ve realised I probably will never be able to have children (a whole other heartbreak in itself).

The thought of my life being as it is forever terrifies me. I feel like if I could work 3 days a week, I could still have 2 days for rest and be able to manage things like cooking and housework. But to do this financially, I’d have to look at PIP.

I think part of what makes this difficult is that I probably don't fit the stereotypical picture of someone who needs disability benefits. I work full time, I exercise twice a week, I look relatively well most of the time. I can do things, and I recognise that there are people with MS who are much more physically affected than I am.
But I also spend most of my non-working time recovering from the basics, and I rely heavily on my parents to do the things that make everyday life function.

I feel a bit stuck between two things. I don't feel disabled enough to justify asking for support, but I also know that I just can’t continue living like this indefinitely. I don't want to spend the next 30 years working full time, coming home exhausted and spending my weekends recovering. I want a home, independence, relationships, experiences and a life that isn't entirely dictated by how much energy I have left.

I suppose I'm asking whether reducing my working hours and potentially claiming PIP is a reasonable way of approaching this, or whether I'm being unrealistic and actually this is just what my life is going to look like. I also recognise that lots of people are exhausted from full time work!

I'd really appreciate honest opinions- I genuinely want to hear how other people see this, even if it's not necessarily what I want to hear. Thank you.

BBC News Homepage today:

Russell Brand
David Walliams
Mohamed Al Fayed

Predators everywhere you look.

Chat

Hiding the brief about Christmas ads so that their colleagues at John Lewis didn’t get it while Waitrose nailed theirs

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

What watch brand do you favour? Any one got any intel on watches these type of young gents wear? To set the scene, they are also wearing black joggers or low slung jeans, Nike sport socks, Nike trainers, a white t shirt preferably Calvin Klein and a gym shark or Nike hoody, Ralph Lauren if they are feeling swish, topped off with a black north face or adidas coat and perhaps a little Nike beanie if
it is sub zero temps or they are unhappy with their hair. Any cool brands to know for a watch?

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

One of the frustrating things about parenting is how much organising it takes.

I am out on Saturday with friends. Haven’t done this for months so excited. Pil are kindly coming to look after the children.

But we’re leaving early so I’ll have to have both children up, dressed, teeth cleaned and breakfast eaten before 9. Lunch will need to be ready and all the bedtime stuff like pyjamas and toothbrushes and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll enjoy it but … I am looking forward to them just not needing so much care!

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

My children 11 & 13 have given me their Christmas lists which consist of 3D printer £300, laptop £400 and daughter wants a Lego set that’s £260 and a phone upgrade…when did life get so expensive! What’s everyone else’s children asking for / getting realistically?

I’m going to a nice celebration dinner between Christmas and new year and I want a nice top to go with some black velvet wide leg trousers…

I’m large of bust so a lot of tops tend to hang from my boobs which is annoying. I don’t like anything too clingy around my stomach. Maybe a wrap top or A line? Anyone seen one in the shops and thought “that would go nicely with black trousers for a nice do”?? Would prefer not to spend too much (up to about £50)

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

New thread

I was at Daylesford Farm last weekend and had a savoury pastry from the little area that sells coffee (Not one of the cafes) and I am desperately trying to find the recipe! I can’t remember the full name of it, but it said it was double Gloucester, soft cheese and potato - Looked like a sausage roll, but obviously not a sausage roll. It’s honestly one of the most spectacular things I’ve ever eaten.

I am desperate for the recipe so if anyone has any insider knowledge, please do share! I’ve had a look online but can’t see anything. Hoping somebody may be in the know!

Hi everyone, I’m a qualified male laser hair removal practitioner planning to open a clinic for men and women in the UK. I’d appreciate your honest opinions:

● Would you feel comfortable booking with a male practitioner?

● Would it depend on the area, for example, underarms or legs versus bikini/Hollywood?

● Would meeting the practitioner first, female client reviews, a female chaperone or bringing a friend along to the appointment influence your decision? Or would you prefer a female practitioner regardless?

If you’ve had treatment with a male practitioner, how was your experience?

All honest answers are welcome. Thank you!

I've been in a relationship with a serial cheater for several years. Now, I've said it. I've never been particularly attractive to men, objectively speaking, and I've always struggled to find relationships, so I tend to cling to the few I've managed to have, even when I know really shouldn't. I know, very healthy.

I was the breadwinner in this relationship. I brought in roughly 5x and he has three children to pay maintenance for, so I covered pretty much all our living expenses.

In the last few weeks, two things happened in quick succession.

I discovered yet another affair. I've honestly lost count, but I think this was number six or seven. The other woman, or rather girl, as she's only 19, sent me photos and screenshots I desperately wish I could unsee. He'd told her he loved her and wanted to marry her immediately.

What made this one spectacularly bad for some reason was the financial on top of the physical and emotional cheating. It turned out he'd been paying her rent while I was paying all our expenses as he said he has some debts to pay off.

Then, within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a condition that will probably leave him severely disabled within a year and is likely to end his life within five. He is likely to have very significant care needs very soon.

I finally found it in myself to end the relationship and have given him until the new year to move out.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm now the awful woman who abandoned a man as soon as he became seriously ill, leaving him with no place to live and no financial support.

To everyone else, he's this charming, kind, jovial man. And yes he genuinely can be all those things. But there's another side to him that they haven't had to live with.

Some of the things people have said to me have been absolutely vicious. I've never felt so hurt or so alone in my life.

I don't even know what my AIBU.

AIBU to think that ending a relationship after years of repeated infidelity doesn't suddenly make me a bad person just because he has become seriously ill at the same time?

Hello all

I love my pets so much

I have a new house and I have set up lots of beautiful areas for my cats.
they have clean litter trays all over the house, they get to come in and out we have cat flaps (we are on a farm)

A stray came a few months ago, we love him and he has fitted in well.
there are no issues with the other cats and all seems ok

however

two of the cats will not stop peeing each day in areas in the house.
it is every day and I dont know what to do any longer

they have clean cat trays and free access to go outdoors

they pee on my shoes, on my clothes
one will spray over the kitchen worktops

we got those plug ins from amazon but it has not made a difference

each day I am up at 6am and it takes an hour at least to clean all the pee and to have the worktops in decent condition before the kids awake at 7

go easy on me

I dont know what may help

I hate to say it but `I may have to set up a cat shed with blanket and put them in there each night

they pee mostly at night

any help please

DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

My ex is golden on the whole and pays maintenance for his DC every month no issues. However, he wants to move the date from 1 of each month to the 15. I have no problem with that.
However, that means that the maintenance was paid on 1 Nov and now won’t be paid until 15 Dec so it’s 2 weeks short. I’m being accused of being penny pinching by asking him to pay the shortfall, but if it was any other bill then the pro-data amount would have to be covered.
Am I being a nightmare on this and unreasonable to ask for it? It’s leaving me two weeks without maintenance.

Yr11 Consultation evening is 4 -6pm, next Tuesday. Got the email this afternoon.

Can be attended virtually, but no email alternative if parents can't attend either way.

I would attend if I could but I work until 5, won't be able to get the day off at this short notice and due to being customer facing I can't agree with my boss to do it from work.

Its GCSE year, its important! I want to go but I can't due to the lack of notice so ..... what now? No information? No suggestions on where to help or any areas DD may need support...nothing?

Its not the times of it running that's the issue, I understand that, but a weeks notice when most parent work and not giving email feedback instead, AIBU to think that thats not on. Especially when the email they sent is full of "It is important to your childs education that you attend etc".

This is the first I have heard of it, it wasnt in the yearly "timetable" there was just a comment about "Consultation evenings will be announced during the year". I just checked!

ETA students are expected to attend too so I can't do it online from the car park, and it depends on when we can get slots too.

Name change as I'm absolutely shocked actually.

My 16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing over dinner tonight was "Well, most women lie about it, don't they?"

I said "You can't seriously think that can you?"

He replies "Well you think that about men" (Which made little sense, but..)

We sort of left it like that because I was dumbstruck that he could think that.

Now, I have a slightly younger son who I hope will have absorbed some respect of women from me (and I sure will be having a chat with him) but more worrying I have a 12 year old daughter too. The step kids (both boys) are here half the time.

I'm honestly not sure how to go about this as I am hands off parenting with step kids (thinking they had sensible parents although I do worry my partner isn't as liberal as I am with his thinking).

I think having a chat to his mum would be over stepping the mark but I feel I can't leave this.

Not sure if I am just being stubborn, or if I should just let it go and move on.

Long story short; I used Lookiero (an online personal shopper service) who send out several items at an agreed interval and you can pay for what you want to keep and send the rest back.

I chose to keep 3 out of 8 items and paid for them. the return label provided was an Evri drop off one, and unfortunately I don't have a drop off point within 3 hours of me (yes, really). I emailed them 3 times asking what I should do and if they could provide and alternative return option. They initially ignored my emails and then I got one saying I had to return by the following day or I would be charge for the full amount (nearly £300!!). I decided I would have to just fork out on a Royal Mail tracked service and posted it the next day.

I have Royal Mail proof it was delivered, and even got an email from Lookiero to say they had received it.

Not long after, however, they said my return was invalid as I didn't use Evri, and that they hadn't receive the parcel. They have been trying to charge my account £278 every week for the last few months despite my attempts at trying to speak to someone to discuss the problem (I've only had generic AI responses). I have blocked the payments through my bank account.

Lookiero have since escalated it to a debt collector. I have gathered all my evidence, which took a long time, and sent it to them. They are continuing to say I owe Lookiero £278 and have added on a £25 fee taking it to over £300. My latest email from the debt collector has said Lookiero will now be starting formal court proceedings because I have not paid. This has been going on since the end of June.

I'm at the point now I just want it to go away, it's really stressing me out and I don't want to go through the court or have it affect my credit score. On the other hand, £300 is a huge amount to me and at this time of year will have a big impact.

What would you do?

YABU - just pay the £300 and consider it a lesson learned
YANBU - keep fighting them and don't let them get away with it

I have already contacted Citizen's advice, Resolver UK and Watchdog.

Sorry that ended up long after me saying I would keep it short.

and seeing how many people have died out of my life in recent years.

:(

I was discussing inheritances with my Mum and got to thinking about my Grandmothers house. She stills lives in the 3 bed house in which she raised her family and shows no signs of wanting to move. Despite a fairly new extension and kitchen my Mum doesn't think Nanas house will be worth much when the time comes. I know the market fluctuates but the next door house sold for over £500,000 only a few years ago so would assume Nanas would be worth a similar amount. Is this a fair assumption or do i not understand house valuations. I have never had sell a house myself so don't know the ins and outs.

I've NC because I feel this is a bit of a controversial opinion

But AIBU to actually feel a bit sorry for men who grew up in the era of Nuts/Zoo/'Shagger of the Year' awards? Whatever their characters, they weren't encouraged to believe that consent should be unequivocally sought and given. They had awful men feted by the media as role models. Awful behaviour towards women was celebrated and joked about, on TV, in magazines, everywhere. I can remember as a teenager really having no clue about what my 'rights' were as a woman around consent, etc - absolutely nobody ever spelled it out to me, or to the girls and boys around me.

I guess I'm asking AIBU to feel a bit sad that men who grew up in that era probably did have a bit of a tricky time working out how to be men?

To be very clear, I absolutely believe that all the decent boys and men worked it out fine for themselves. I just think - kids look to the world to learn how to be, and the world we grew up in taught us some really crap things when it came to this