I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

Lighthearted, please don't take this personally if you disagree - everyone loves what they love.
(It is also a little bit making me annoyed at myself for being annoyed by such a first-world problem.)

Ice cream. Very topical with our heatwave here in the UK. For the longest time the ice cream flavours in shops are making me feel like an old grump. But this year, with people raiding ice cream freezers in shops it is even worse. I am a very fruit-oriented guy. To me limes, lemons, grapefruits, cherries, etc are refreshing. You can even go crazy, and combine your lime with bits of mint, something that makes sense. Or combine cherries with chocolate, it is divine.

But why on god's green earth is the majority of ice cream stacked in the shops are random, overkill flavours? I am sorry, cookie dough is not a flavour. oreos, or whatever random brand of sweet is not a flavour. All my boring face is trying to do is spot a nice, simple flavour... like a passion fruit... When I reach for "lemon" I don't need it to be lemon cheesecake. Cheesecake is not a flavour. it is a dessert of its own. Are people really loving these nonsensical inventions? Why can't a flavour be clear, and not an "ice creamified" specific dessert/sweet?

And I am talking about actual, good ice cream here. Not the lemon sorbet that is 45 spoons of sugar with lemon essence.

Why do I always find proper and clean flavours in the most remote farm shops if I want to buy some? The reign of silly ice cream flavours needs to end...

(oh, and a little personal addition that will make me unpopular: vanilla can die a painful death, too. It was already boring even when I was a kid. There is a reason we say "he/she's a bit vanilla". And yet vanilla is the flavour that you have stacks and stacks of from all brands.. )

Yes, I know we can make our own. And yes, I know some cafes have wonderful handcrafted ice cream.. I specifically aimed at shops.

I’m not new to solo travel, but I am new to solo summer travel.

I have a few beach visits planned and don’t really know what to do with my stuff if I go to the beach? Do I just leave my bag on the beach and hope it doesn’t get knicked, or do I accept that I just won’t be going in the sea unless I book into a beach club?

I’m probably too close to this so need honest opinions because DH thinks I’ve gone nuclear.

DH has a daughter from his first marriage. She’s 27. We’ve never had a terrible relationship but it’s never exactly been warm either. I’ve always felt like she sort of tolerates me rather than actually likes me, which is fine, she doesn’t have to love me, but I do expect basic respect.

Whenever she visits she stays with us. I clean the spare room, sort the bedding and towels, buy extra food, cook, make conversation, all of it. DH enjoys having her here but realistically I’m the one doing most of the hosting.

Anyway, last weekend she came to stay with her partner. We were having dinner and DH made some offhand comment about being lucky the mortgage was paid off. His daughter laughed and said “Well, don’t get too attached, half of it will be mine one day.” I honestly just froze. I know she’ll say it was only a joke but it didn’t feel like one. It felt really nasty.

I said, “That’s a horrible thing to say.” She immediately said I was taking it the wrong way and she was joking. I said, “You’re sat in my house, eating food I made, talking about it like you’re waiting to inherit it. How else am I supposed to take it!?”

Then it all kicked off a bit. She started crying and getting hysterical. She has form for doing this when she's been called out on horrible comments.

DH told me to leave it, which annoyed me even more becuase I feel like I’m ALWAYS expected to leave things. She got upset and said I’d never liked her. I said that wasn’t true, but I was sick of being polite while she makes digs and then acts all innocent.

Her partner looked mortified. She ended up crying even louder and they left earlier than planned. Now DH says I embarrassed her and made a stupid comment into a massive issue. He says she was clumsy, not malicious, and that saying she can’t stay again is way too harsh.

But I can’t get past it. Maybe it was “just a joke” but I don’t want to wash sheets, cook meals and play happy host for someone who apparently sees my home as her future inheritance.

I’ve said she can still visit her dad obviously, but I don’t want to wait on her hand and foot anymore and just put up with horrible digs.

AIBU or have I properly overreacted?

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

An interesting read, which speaks for itself

www.lbc.co.uk/article/carol-vorderman-slams-reform-uk-makerfield-vile-online-abuse-5HjdZZR_2/

Please recommend me two or three cool to wear day time summer dresses. I am 5’11’ apple shaped and a size 18 to 22 depending on brand.

Our house is currently for sale, but not selling. All feedback has been positive about the house but it has a narrow shared driveway which is a put off. (We've lived here for 13 years and its never been a problem, but) as we can't change it, the only thing we can try to do is adapt the house without spending TOO much money (as we'll never get it back).
Wants:
More balanced bedroom sizes (bed 3 is too small)
A second toilet
A living room we can close off to use as a spare bed when needed
Open plan kitchen diner

I have attatched current floorplan and also an idea i have come up with (conservatory would have to be knocked down and re-built as an extension). But can't figure out how to get 2nd loo in without having to walk through it to get from utility to kitchen 🤔 ANY ideas (similar to mine or completely different) welcome.
TIA

Does anyone know the general vibe is for guests at Italian weddings please?

I know I could ask the bride and groom but they're the sort of people who will say "wear what you like! We're just happy to have you etc etc" but as it's an intimate wedding, I'd like to "fit in" with the majority Italian family/guests and not miss the mark.

Key wedding details:

• It's in northern Italy in April (near the Lakes)
• it is not a religious ceremony/no church
• Private restaurant-type venue for the evening with a five-course dinner (can't bloody wait)

My stats:

• 5'8" size 12, small-breasted with larger thighs
• I will be breastfeeding so need to be able to at least lower a shoulder down to pop a tit out, but separates also work very well
• I will either wear flats or a very low heel
• I suit soft warm colours and don't generally wear any bold pattern

Budget: £100-200

I would be grateful for any general pointers or any suggestions. Many thanks :)

The govt have released a list of 125 "everyday essentials" that they plan to cut tax on to help families with the cost of living.

It's a bit of a weird list. Beans, biscuits and chocolate yes, a bit more baffled by the fresh figs, gherkins and plantains. And I had to google fonio.

Aubergines
Avocados
Baked beans
Bananas (fresh and dried)
Biscuits
Boiled sweets
Bread
Buckwheat
Candied fruit
Chewing gum
Chocolate (bulk and retail)
Chocolate bars
Chocolate drink preparations
Chocolate spreads
Chocolate with fruit, nuts or cereal
Citrus fruits (various)
Cocoa paste
Cocoa powder
Couscous
Crispbread
Crisps
Dried apples
Dried apricots
Dried figs
Dried papaya
Dried peaches/nectarines
Dried pears
Fonio
Fresh figs
Frozen fruits
Garlic
Gherkins
Gingerbread
Green tea
Jams and marmalades
Limes
Liquorice products
Margarine
Marzipan and pastes
Mixed dried fruit
Mixed fats and oils
Mixed fruit and nuts
Mixed nuts
Mixed preserved fruit and nuts
Non-alcoholic beverages
Olive oil (extra virgin)
Olive oil (other)
Olive oil (virgin)
Olives (for oil production)
Olives (fresh/chilled)
Olives (frozen)
Other fresh fruits
Other peppers (capsicum/pimenta)
Pickled peppers
Pizzas and quiches
Plant-based drinks
Plantains (fresh and dried)
Prepared vegetables
Preserved beans
Preserved citrus fruits
Preserved tropical fruit
Preserved vegetables
Processed potatoes
Quinoa
Rusks
Soups and broths
Sugar confectionery
Sugar tablets
Sweet peppers
Throat pastilles
Toasted bread products
Toffees and caramels
Tomato ketchup
Tomato sauces
Vegetable oils
Waffles and wafers

I have incredibly wide and sensitive feet. They rub no matter what, shoes that are broken in one day can rub the next. I need (at least) three pairs of shoes for the summer:

1. a light pair of trainers. I like adidas but have mixed experience with rubbing
2. a pair of sandals. Birkenstock style appeals to me, but I want them to be good for wide feet. ideally they’d also have a strap at the back so I can wear them to work
3. a dressier pair of sandals for evenings.

please help!

When someone wants advice on what to wear, and states clearly that they hate their arms, legs, fat stomach, whatever - and people come back with, ‘Oh, nobody cares, nobody’s going to be looking at you, just wear whatever you like’ etc.
But the person does care, and would prefer for the disliked bits not to be too obvious!

I am 34 (male) and have been married to my wife (32) for 3 years, together for 12. We have one child who is 6 months.

My wife has always been on the larger size. She was a size 16/18 when I met her. I found her incredibly attractive and for the first couple of years her weight wasn't an issue for either of us.

She has fluctuated up and down over the years but has steadily been gaining weight for the past few years. She is currently a size 22.

She constantly moans about her weight now and has done for years. She went to the gym before our wedding but lasted 3 weeks, she regularly does Slimming World or calorie counting but gives up after a couple of weeks. I fully support these endeavours and cook healthy, offer to go for walks with her or take the baby whilst she goes alone etc but she does very little, if any, exercise apart from walking around the supermarket. Our diet isn't outrageous but she snacks a lot and is constantly talking about food. She keeps saying she will 'start on Monday' but never does. She keeps saying that she's just had a baby which I understand but I am the one that takes him for long walks in his pram after I finish work. She has taken him once.

She is constantly asking me if I still love her and fancy her. I do and to be honest, our sex life is as good as it has ever been but there is no getting away from the fact that she is obese and unhealthy.

She came downstairs recently and said that she wanted to run a half marathon next year. I was a little sceptical having run one myself recently and told her that it was a serious undertaking for a non-runner. She got upset and said I didn't believe in her and I should be supportive. I was honest with her and said that she never sees things through. I explained her constant moaning about her weight and lifestyle is hard to listen to when she makes no effort to change.

I came downstairs the next day and apologised and said (truthfully) if she put her mind to it, she could run a half marathon and I will support her but she has to take the training seriously... that was a month ago and she has been for a couple of walks and complained about a sore back and hadn't mentioned it since, kind of proving my point.

I love my wife dearly but her lifestyle and inaction are causing me concern. I genuinely think she wants to change but feels trapped and that she has too much to do. She is a fantastic Mum but I am hands on too, I do all the housework and I will take the little man out for hours at a time on my own and she will generally spend that time sat on the sofa doomscrolling. I get she needs a break but then she complains she is unproductive and the cycle continues.

I'm appealing to the women of Mumsnet, how can I support her?

This comes up quite a lot whenever people discuss things that were commonplace in the past.

People say husbands beating their wives was normal, children were routinely smacked or caned, racism was widespread, homophobia was accepted, and so on. Often the defence is that people were simply products of their time and didn't know any better.

But were they really?

Not that long ago, police often treated violence against wives as a private domestic matter and were reluctant to get involved. Marital rape wasn't even recognised in law. Racist attitudes were commonplace and children could be hit in ways that would be completely unacceptable today.

Yet even then there were people saying these things were wrong. Women campaigned against domestic violence, people fought against racism and discrimination, and some parents chose not to hit their children despite it being socially accepted.

I sometimes wonder whether too much emphasis is placed on "that's just how things were". Were people really incapable of thinking for themselves? Did they lack an internal moral compass? If your neighbour was regularly beating his wife, or a child was being routinely thrashed, did it genuinely not occur to people that this was cruel and wrong simply because society tolerated it?

I understand that social norms are powerful and that people are influenced by the world around them. But surely "everyone else was doing it" can explain behaviour without excusing it.

Most of my Summer clothes no longer fit and I desperately need a couple of cool, floaty dresses and some shorts that are not too short.

What have you all bought recently that you’ve loved?

I really need some inspiration.

Have two dd 4 and 9 sharing the largest bedroom in our house. Dd9 needs her own space due to fast approaching puberty. Ds2 is in the box room and needs his own room due to interesting sleeping habits. Me and dh in second bedroom. Need ideas on how I could split the master bedroom, maybe divider or curtain? Not practical to move or for us to sleep downstairs due to money and open plan living room/ kitchen. Any ideas welcome!

I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby. A friend of mine is also pregnant shes two months behind me but this is her second child.

We’ve been friends for around 10 years, but we haven’t actually been particularly close for quite a while. We haven’t hung out in around 2 years and I hadn’t seen her in about a year before my pregnancy. We stayed in touch but it wasn’t a very involved friendship.

Since finding out I’m pregnant, she’s become very invested. She talks about “doing motherhood together”, has spoken about coming round when my partner is at work, talks about our babies growing up together, and seemed very invested in my baby shower. She was originally only asked to help host some games but was messaging my cousin separately about shower plans and seemed to want a bigger role than I’d actually asked her to have.

She’s also approached another friend of mine (who she only knows through me) asking if she was coming to my baby shower.

A couple of people around me have said they think she’s just excited, but they’ve also admitted the level of excitement seems quite intense.

Part of my discomfort is that this same friend has asked me for favours, childcare and money on and off over the years. The last time she asked me for money was during my pregnancy, which I found quite uncomfortable.

I don’t dislike her and I’m not saying we can’t be friends. What I’m struggling with is that I feel like she’s built up an idea of what our friendship and motherhood journey will look like, and it doesn’t match what I want.

I’m excited to become a mum, but my focus is very much on my partner, our baby and our families. I don’t really want a daily-contact, shared-childcare, “we’re doing motherhood together” type friendship.

Because this is my first baby and I only have a few weeks left, I sometimes feel like I’ve spent a lot of my pregnancy managing someone else’s expectations and excitement rather than just enjoying it myself.

Am I being unreasonable, or would others find this level of involvement a bit much?

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

My son, who’s 8, has his heart set on a Canada Goose coat with the real fur trim that we found for a good price on ebay for his birthday because all his friends have them and he thinks it’s the coolest thing .. I get the practicality, they’re warm and tough, but I’m really uneasy about the idea of him wearing real fur, especially coyote fur, which I’ve heard can involve pretty cruel trapping methods....

I don’t want to shut him down completely and make it a big fight, but I also don’t want to support something that feels wrong. Has anyone here let their child wear real fur? How did you explain it to them, or how did you steer them toward a faux option without it becoming a battle? He said the faux option looks terrible, which I do agree! Will it survive playground life without getting stolen?

As the title really. DS starts nursery next week four days/week and I really am struggling with how everything gets done to a good standard and also we all get any sleep.

Nursery hours are 8:30-5pm with wraparound 7:30am-6pm. As yet, we aren’t doing that as I am easing back into work gradually. We both commute to London on opposite days. The wfh parent will most likely have to drop off and pick up as our commutes are 1h30.

It seems to take me an hour and a half to get baby up, boob, breakfast, dressed, suncreamed and out of the door so that’s a 6:30am wake up for baby without even a shower for me.

In the evenings, we will collect at 5pm so home by 5:30pm. Then I have to cook dinner, do you eat together as a family? If so, HOW?! Currently I start cooking baby’s dinner at about 5:30pm to eat by 6pm but the other half of us wouldn’t be back form the office by then so I then cook our dinner whilst DH does bath and bed at the moment (quick interlude for bedtime boob from me). Baby is asleep by about 7:30pm usually. I really want to make the most of this 1.5 hours we have with him at either end of the day because it’s literally all we get. I do not want to be doing chores around him whilst he plays like we do right now.

As I’m on maternity leave I do all laundry, nappy bag packing, washing up, kitchen wipe down, food shop, meal prepping, pets and daily chores basically. We have a weekly cleaner who changes the beds and does the ironing. DH does bills, gardening, all DIY, the bins, the constant merry go round of stuff up and down to the attic etc. It’s not 50/50 but he is not lazing around, and he works longer hours and is in London more.

Could people with a similar set up please share any daily routines, efficiency, tips, hacks, anything that helps you get through the day and not fall into bed at midnight. I don’t know if I’m missing things which could help but we both already feel like we’re drowning and I’m not even back at work yet. If you’re a magic house witch who breezes through life without any of this stress please don’t rub it in, I don’t need to feel worse.

So, I'm not sure if i'm just overthinking and being unfair or if this is a valid reason to be upset.
My DH and I have two children who are 3 months and 2 years old, he doesn't work on Fridays, so does most of the childcare then, of course I am around, I breastfeed our youngest but the majority is done by him then the weekend more of a split.

Today is his colleagues leaving drinks, I understood he would be out late, and likely no use for the start of tomorrow, I planned my day around this. But he has just messaged saying he won't make the last train, so is going to stay out, then a few of them will go to the casino to kill the dead hours before the first train. He doesn't usually go to the casino, but I know of his colleagues do.

I'm really pissed off as even if he is being totally honest, this will mean he needs to sleep all day tomorrow, mess up his sleep schedule entirely etc.
More importantly, I have a feeling he isn't being honest, he has a new colleague a younger woman, I know she lives in central London, she is very attractive and I just have this gut instinct that he might not be giving the whole truth, they have been going for lunch/after work drinks together a fair bit the last 2 months and now he is just not coming home?
Not to mention, even missing the last train he could just get a cab home instead of loitering around, yes it would be expensive, but I don't imagine spending time in the casino will be free?

AIBU to be worried and concerned?

I am reposting this question here as I'd like to hear the opinions of others.

My DH is v keen for our family's summer holiday to take place in Minnesota this year. He connected with a newly found relative who lives there 18 months ago, and really wants the opportunity to meet him sooner rather than later as he is in his mid-70s (DH is mid-50s). We've been offered a chance to stay in their house throughout the holiday, and they seem excited at the possibility of meeting us.

The issue is my DH is white, I'm black, so our 2 DC are mixed race (both in their older teen years). For various practical reasons we all need to take our holiday together.

Anyway, am I right to have reservations about this, considering recent history? The relative lives 10 miles away from where the trouble spots were with the ICE agents, BUT, if we go we'd want to visit the main parts to see the sites, etc. I really don't want DH to miss out, and we'd like our DC to meet this new relative (I believe other relatives may be nearby). Have things calmed down there now, or is there still an undertone of racial tension? I've searched online to find out the current situation, but am going round in circles.

I've suggested going next year instead, but my DH is worried/upset about this due to the advanced age of the relative.

Please vote:
YANBU: I am right to be cautious about this holiday. Choose somewhere else.
YABU: I am being too cautious. Go ahead and enjoy Minnesota.

maybe quirky isn’t the right word. I want a couple of pairs of very small stud earring, one silver, one gold plated. everyday ones I can put in and leave.

i don’t want plain ones though. But I also don’t want childish ones (like hearts or stars or lightening bolts).

I basically don’t know what I want. So any suggestions of good places to browse gratefully received

We have DH family visiting today I already cancelled on them last week due to me not being well. I’m pretty much immobile at the minute due to my condition. The house is a dump and I’m so embarrassed by it. But I can’t clean how I want too. I’ve suggested we get a cleaner to DH but he just laughs and says what’s the point.

DH still fast asleep in bed and they are coming at 11. DH mum is a clean freak and I usually get the house sparkling before she is here.

Am I supposed to just sit here in this mess? I feel like asking my mum to pick me up just to get out of the house I’m so embarrassed by it. I’ve done what I can but it’s not enough.

Aaaaaaaaaa