My husband just buys what he wants - has quite a bit of disposable income
so it makes him really hard to buy for- would love some ideas.
his hobbies are mountain biking, gym and camping.
he isn’t into clothes but need some nice tops as he will rewear the same outfit until it dies, as he isn’t into labels etc

thought we could all share some
inspiration ?

Can we try to keep this lighthearted as I know some people can pretty savage on this site.
I was on the bus earlier today and I overheard a conversation between 2 ladies about thier Christmas shopping they needed to get. One said she needed to get wrapping paper and another said she doesn’t wrap presents but uses gift bags instead, how it’s saves so much time etc. Now don’t get me wrong obviously everyone’s situation is different but for me gift bags are so anti climactic. For me opening presents isn’t even really about the actual present it’s the anticipation of what’s underneath the paper as your opening it. I couldn’t imagine giving my kids or anyone for that matter, an unwrapped gift. To watch kids faces opening thier present on birthdays or Christmas makes me feel excited for them, even if I know what’s under it.

People not letting thier kids help decorate the tree, this leaves a bitter taste, trust me, as someone whose dad would change the tree around after we went to bed and thought we never noticed. It’s actually a bit soul destroying.

I often see on social media people absolutely ripping into people about how much they do and don’t spend. Christmas isn’t a competition. You do what suits your family. You don’t have to break the bank but equally people should be free to spend whatever they want on thier friends and family. I’m not sorry my kids get more than thier friends. I work hard for my money. I’ll spend it how I want, on who I want.

That’s the plan. The Jimmy Choo Heloise

https://www.jimmychoo.com/en/women/shoes/heloise-120/latte-nappa-leather-platform-sandals-HELOISE120NAP080258.html

The goal is £795. I cannot in good conscience pay this amount from my income… but from recycling. Absolutely all for that.

So far I have £56 and 20 or so pending.

I have calculated an ambitious £20 a day gets me to the goal in just over a month. Thats very ambitious and I will not achieve that 😂

The deadline is summer for my wedding shoes.

Anyone want to make an epic vinted goal and join me?

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

Is Harry silent or silenced?
what else can possibly happen?

And I hate it but also am not seeing what else I can do.

Examples like - helped herself to my jewellery collection, when I tried to take it back she just snatched it away so ended up wrestling it off her constantly going after her brother, those sorts of things. I’m really, really tired of constant conflict and misery.

Hi,
I’m looking for feedback from people who’ve done a one day Lapland trip with kids (mine are 9 and 13). Please let me know your experiences and recommendations!
Thank you

Hi everyone,
During half term received a knock on the door from a woman handing leaflets my girls said someone was at the door so i answered, she asked if everything was ok i replied yes anyway she left. 2 days later a knock on my door 2 policeman are at my door sayjng there has been a complaint which they need to investigate as i was scared i asked them to wait outside whilst i called someone for support (girls at home etc), anyway they had to come in and inspect property anyway jts half renovated and was very cluttered this resulted in pics being taken, i was arrested in suspicion of child neglect, anyway they asked if my daughters could stay somewhere else for tjme being so they stayed at my dads so since this happened my parents have said they coukdnt care for the girls anymore whereby social workers contacted me and issued me a section 20 they said as of tonight your girls will be homeless.. so i didnt want that so signed it. Girls in temporary foster care, attending school im on bail never committed an offense in my life, ive told ss ive got a new house lined up theyve viewed it.. ive got keys signed an agreement.. etc so ive been issued a pre proceedings doc detailing everything im absoluetly devastated i just want my girls bk ive spoken with the daughters headteacher he is being very supportive, due to this ive been suspended from woek as the bail conditions are made jn a way i cant do my job i have been informed by duty officer case is closed from their side will be issued with a caution.. transfer to social care its more of a help/support case. I want my girls bk so badly contact is twjce a week 2 x 1.5 hr session had my fjrst one i am in absolute bits. My family (step mum, dad 2 siblings) not checked to see if im ok.. i needed help.... not like this!! My head is all over the place.
Secured a new house its 2 bedroom but im ok as long as girls have their rooms.
Decluttered
Moved some stuff out
Received new tenancy agreement and keys
Daughters school onboard and the headteacher at my place of work is currently onboard.
Seeing girls 2 x a week via contact centre 1.5 hrs each
It hurts knowing they are somewhere else and i want them home..

As a woman, I firmly believe that if you don’t have children, you should prioritise dating a man who doesn’t have children. If you’re financially stable, you should be looking for a man who is equally financially stable. The same applies to emotional maturity, ambition, lifestyle and general circumstances.

I think far too many women enter relationships where they’re taking on responsibilities, complications or burdens that they wouldn’t otherwise have, simply because they’ve been encouraged to believe that love should be enough. Stay equally yoked in all things and I genuinely believe you’d avoid a significant proportion of the relationship problems we regularly see discussed on here.

AIBU?

My neighbours have a cat which has decided to use our garden as its litter tray. It’s pooing all over our garden (front and back!!) multiple times a week and I’m sick of picking up poo for an animal that doesn’t belong to me.

I don’t have pets because I don’t want to spend my time picking up its shit, so having to do it for someone else is driving me nuts. I’ve also got a young child who trod in it this week which I’m absolutely livid about !!!

We’ve tried putting coffee beans out and have bought a high frequency cat deterrent - neither of which have worked.

Before I waste more of my hard earned cash on stopping someone else's animal can anyone recommend tried and tested deterrents please ??

BTW I’m aware legally that cats have a right to roam but I don’t want to be dealing with this anymore.

Help needed! I manage a service as part of a much bigger organisation. Compliance with various rules and regs is a no brainer, a legal requirement in fact. Colleague needs to interact with our team sometimes and is adamant that he is correct about many things - including stuff that would see us break the law! Each and every time I point this out, all I get back is a patronizing email about my failure to compromise or work as a team. I am working as a team - stopping a legal disaster before it starts. I think it’s the implication more than anything that gets me. I’m always helpful! Any witty comebacks to his usual bollocks about the need to collaborate or be more helpful welcome. I am the SME for this area and pretty senior.

My son and daughter-in-law are both in their 30s and have two children, aged 4 and a baby.
Before they got married, I always had a lovely relationship with my DIL. She was friendly, warm and seemed very happy to spend time with us. However, since they got married, I’ve noticed a real change in her attitude towards me and my husband.
She’s become quite cold and distant. When we visit, I feel as though she puts on a face and is just being polite for the sake of it. There’s an uncomfortable atmosphere that wasn’t there before.
A few things have made me notice the difference even more. For example, she doesn’t seem to behave this way when my son’s siblings (the children’s aunts and uncles) visit. She’s perfectly relaxed and friendly with them. It’s specifically when we’re around that things seem strained.
They have a four-bedroom house, and there’s a spare bedroom, but we’ve never been invited to stay. Both children currently sleep in their parents’ room, so it’s not as though there isn’t space. I appreciate that nobody is obliged to host us, and I’m not particularly bothered about staying there, but it does feel as though we’re being kept at arm’s length.
I also feel that we’re not really encouraged to have much involvement with the children. We’ve offered to babysit, but they’ve never taken us up on it. They have a full-time nanny and housekeeper, so I appreciate they have childcare arrangements in place, and I’m not suggesting we’re entitled to look after the children. We’ve never been left alone with them, and as far as I’m aware, we’ve never done anything to make them uncomfortable or given them any reason to question our care of the children.
For context, my DIL comes from a considerably wealthier background than we do. We’ve never had the same financial means as her family, but we’ve always tried to be welcoming and supportive. I don’t know whether that has anything to do with it, and I don’t want to make assumptions.
I’ve spoken to my son about whether anything is wrong, but his response is always along the lines of “No, no, everything’s fine”. He doesn’t elaborate, and I don’t want to put him in the middle or create problems in their marriage.
I’m genuinely not looking for an argument or demanding a closer relationship than she wants. I’m quite happy to respect boundaries and be a hands-off grandmother if that’s what they prefer. I’m also happy to change anything about my behaviour if I’ve unknowingly done something to upset her.
What I find difficult is the awkwardness and not knowing where I stand.
Would I be unreasonable to ask my DIL directly, perhaps privately, whether I’ve done something to upset her or whether there’s anything she’d like me to do differently? Or is that likely to make things even more uncomfortable?
I don’t want to force a relationship, but equally, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to understand why things have changed so much.

I know lots of parents are in denial about this sort of thing but I honestly don't think I am. He is 18 years old, wearing size medium t shirts and 34 inch waist trousers. He weighs 11 stone and I'm not sure exactly how tall he is, less than 6ft but not much less. He runs 10k 2 times a week and 5k 2 times a week. My MIL thinks he is fat (for context my MIL is a size 18).

Has anyone used any of her products? I saw the new skin tint drops £45 and a serum in an orange pump for redness £69 . Quite pricey if no good, anyone tried these or her make up?

I’ve wasted ££ over the years on stuff that didn’t suit me.

Thanks 🙂

Well it's here....

https://www.johnlewis.com/content/christmas-advert

And I hate those bratty kids already LOL 😂😂😂

This is an emotive and sensitive topic so I hope everyone can be respectful. It’s also not a topic I am as well versed in as I would wish to be, so please don’t assume I have lots of knowledge about this when putting forward your views.

I’ve been reading in the news about the calls at the Commonwealth summit for apologies and reparations for the trans-Atlantic slave trade.

What are your views on this and why?

Personally, I agree there should be a formal apology and recognition of the harm done. Britain was involved in the perpetuation of the slave trade, as well as being involved in its abolition. An acknowledgement and apology for past wrongs would be a way of showing respect and our moral beliefs as a society.

Reparations in the form of cash…here I am unsure, and for the following reasons.

1. Given the time that has passed, it’s likely to be impossible to accurately track down the family members of those individuals who were trafficked. So who would reparations go to? Countries instead of individuals? Is that fair?
2. Again, given the time that has passed, who should pay for the reparations and how? If funds were raised through general taxation, that feels unfair on the current British population who were not involved. If we try to target those prominent families who made millions and millions….would those assets ever get seized or would they all swiftly disappear into offshore accounts never to be seen again. Would it be possible to seize money from those who had directly profited?
3. Given the cost of living crisis in the uk (whilst not to be compared with poverty experienced in the Caribbean) and what feels like deteriorating race-relations, I worry how a programme of reparations would affect UK society as a whole and if racism would worsen or more extreme right wing governments would be voted in.
4. I can see a case for reparations as Germany has done to survivors and victims families of the Holocaust. Survivors and victim’s immediate families who were materially affected are still living. This makes sense to me. But how many generations on should reparations be relevant? The last living survivors of slavery died nearly 100 years ago. I do believe that their descendants are impacted by the legacy of slavery, but they themselves were not enslaved and nor were their immediate family (spouse/parent).
5. In terms of lost wages for work/compensation for what happened, if that had been given to the affected individuals at the moment slavery had been abolished, how much of that would have actually come to the descendants living today? The majority of people around the world and throughout history have lived hand-to-mouth, not building up big inheritances for the next generation. How do you value the reparations?

I don’t support reparations in any form other than money / cancelling debt as I do agree that it would be disrespectful for Britain (or any of the other countries who were involved in the slave trade) to decide the form of reparations given when money is what is being asked for.

In case it’s relevant: I’m white British/Irish from a historically very poor background. My family never even owned property until 50 years ago so I can’t imagine any of them ever owned slaves or profited from investments in businesses that used slave labour. We never had anything material to pass down the generations bar the odd photograph and wedding ring. All of this has of course impacted on my views.

Quite apart from Russell Brand hiding in plain sight, how did Jonathan Ross ever work again?

I bought them for her 2 days ago. Forty quid for a tiny (ugly) pair of shoes. She did one class in them. Will have to replace immediately because we are two weeks from the big annual concert.

I actually cried in the middle of the reception area at the dance studio out of the sheer frustration. The teenage dance teacher couldn't have given fewer fucks.

Go on: hit me up with your best tales of stuff your kids have lost!!

My husband runs a small roofing business. Our son, aged 17 has helped him out with jobs over the past year.

As far as I understand, my son is an employee paid through PAYE. He receives wages and payslips, and has ever mentioned being self-employed.

Recently, while helping him sort out some paperwork, I discovered that my son has been registered as self-employed through CIS and has a UTR number.
My son doesn't seem to understand what being self-employed means, and neither remembers agreeing to take responsibility for their own tax returns.

My husband's brother and his wife help with the business accounts and payroll, so I'm not entirely sure who actually arranged the registrations.
I'm worried that they could end up with Self Assessment obligations, penalties or tax liabilities they know nothing about etc.

My husband tends to become defensive when I question business matters, so I'm trying to understand the situation independently before raising it again.
AIBU to think this needs investigating?
Has anyone experienced something similar? Can someone be registered as self-employed without properly understanding or authorising it? And can HMRC check whether CIS payments have been reported in their names?

Thanks in advance.

This interview of Shappi Khorsandi discussing Brand is interesting to watch.
She describes his unpleasant character in the first few minutes.
At 9 mins in she says Brand doesn't understand consent.
At 9:43 she says he raped her friend.

Fairly recently, Ive realised I dont like these things:

Live albums/song recordings. No matter how much I love the band or song.
Watching dance…especially in a musical
Songs named after women…even I can’t explain that one!
Meals where every mouthful is the same…e.g. pizza

I wouldnt have said these things a year ago I dont think , so it proves TIPU am still getting to know myself in my late 50’s!

Anyone else had a similar epiphany?

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

Tonight’s edition - she’s wearing a magnificent cream/ ivory shirt. Does anyone know where it’s from?

I might have one. Is this a good idea? Or will it be stressful and I’ll regret even suggesting it? Who do I even invite? What will be do with the kids?
Talk me out of it 🤣

Is my 12yo bedtime too early?
she gets home from school at 4.20
we have dinner 6.45
up the stairs at 8.00
asleep by 9.00 or 9.30 depending on the day as sometimes she has clubs
what do ur kids do