I actually really thought she wouldn't do that

AIBU to leave my husband?

Im a bit delicate atm as im currently signed off work with burnout. Never thought this would happen to me. My brother died, dad died, got married, husband had a breakdown and took a 30k pay cut to our household income (we are not rich, this went down to about £40k when all our bills were based at £70k), two kids, misacarriage last september and husband now says he's done with kids... and through it all i turned up to work. Now suddenly im off sick after a day when I just could not look at anything and the tears just rolled. What is my life?

Do i leave and find someone who has a future with combined goals or stay with someone I love and have a good time, but doesn't care about my wants

As the title says. He hasn't explicitly said that he doesn't want to, it's just that he doesn't ask to.

For context: been dating a few years, very very slow burn, didn't meet one another's children until after a year.

He's not great at the hands on dad thing. Previously when we have got together with them, my boyfriend has been more interested in his phone or his own needs.

One time we went to a leisure centre. Boyfriend spent 95% of the time alone in the adult spa area whilst I watched the kids.
I did bring this up afterwards and said it wasn't acceptable and was unfair.

Twice since then I asked to get together again with them and he totally ignored me. Just left the message on read and didn't respond.

I made it clear that I was again unhappy and wouldn't be asking again.

He doesn't ask. He doesn't seem to have any interest in integrating them. The kids do get on really well.

Think I am just struggling with WHY he doesn't want to get us all together?

I feel so lonely and bored of doing everything alone with my children. I genuinely thought when I met my boyfriend, that we would spend more time together as a big family, but instead I feel like he maybe just wanted a babysitter/nanny whilst he continued to do as he pleased.

It's really affecting my self-worth and making me doubt myself; I feel so hurt that he doesn't want to spend time with me/us.

My daughter turns 11 in August, off to secondary in September.

We've always been quite firmly against getting her a smartphone. She does have a Nokia phone for texting, keeping in touch with us and friends.

She has never really asked for a smartphone in earnest. Mentioned a couple of times in the last few months. She's generally a happy girl, nice friends. Loves school.

One of her friends (friend A) has older siblings and always had a lot of freedom with tech. Apple watch, iPhone, tablet from young age. I've explained different families do things differently and DD has accepted that. Recently another of her lovely friends (friend B) who she has been friends with since reception got a smartphone and it was like an overnight change in the way this girl interacted with my DD. Odd, snide comments, telling her other people were calling her annoying. Regularly telling her how late she was up video calling other members of the class and that they would have called DD but she didn't have a phone. Often friend B and A would text DD in the evening telling her they were on a video call together and it was "so funny" etc. I could tell DD was starting to feel left out but more than that, hurt by the fact they were quite obviously intending for her to feel that way.

Anyway she's come home the other night and cried, actually saying thank you for not letting me have a smartphone. Apparently there have been huge fall outs on a class WhatsApp group that I didn't even realise existed because DD obviously isn't in it. Multiple kids sent to head in their last couple of days of y6. Mainly because they were bitching about children that weren't on it and then a couple of kids screenshot the conversation and showed it to the children concerned. It wasn't DD that was targeted in this bit of meanness, but what has happened is one of the targeted children asked to join the group and changed her name on WhatsApp to my DD's name. She then joined the conversation, impersonating my DD, and told the group she has a crush on one of the boys.

DD is devastated and I've no idea where to take this. School has finished. I don't know the parents. Mainly DD is just completely freaked out that someone can pretend to be her and she has no idea it's even happening. I asked if it made her want to join the group so she felt in control of what was being said and she said no, she wants absolutely nothing to do with it and now doesn't ever want a smartphone at all.

Parents of y6/ 7 kids.... Is any of this normal? How the hell are you parenting your way through this? It's clear these kids in DD's class are in no way ready for WhatsApp and their behaviour has become unhinged as a result.

Also, I feel DD is being left out because she isn't on nightly 'calls' with her mates but I don't want her facetiming random groups of classmates late into the night and she doesn't really want to do that either but at the same time, she's out of it.

I'd particularly love to hear from any parents of kids who don't have WhatsApp/ smartphones and how their kids are navigating y7!

NC for this. Sorry so long.

Shortly after wedding, DH developed a neurological issue - was awful for us all. Became irritable, argumentative, sometimes mean, less patient (not just noticed by me - even caused issues at work) and struggled with memory. Been ‘reassured’ by all doctors it’s likely due to heavy medication, seizures, brain condition etc.

I’m sure I changed too (2 young DC). No affection or sex in years (both responsible - likely stress, DC, medication effects - I would like to resume but not with someone who treats me this way).

Anyway, we’ve tried to work through. Couples therapy, I’m on antidepressants, HRT (for PMDD) and individual therapy and have done everything to better myself and ‘change’ so I can manage his ‘changes’ better.

He underwent neurosurgery a year ago - things are much worse. The main issue he has absolutely no ability to deal with conflict, and he is extremely irritable. It happens roughly once a fortnight, and the silent treatment will last days. The tension and anxiety is slowly destroying me. He acts like he genuinely dislikes me, and has done some very wierd things.

eg.

• Shouting at me to stop talking by calling me by my birth name (like being scolded by a parent when I was 7 - even they don't call me it)
• Speaking into chatgpt whilst stood next to me, reeling off my perceived faults whilst im stood there looking incredulous
• Often tells me HE KNOWS im feeling or acting a certain way, and that my reason is wrong. eg. Stop crying, your only crying because you know your wrong / you're only crying because your embarrassed about your behaviour / I know why you're really upset, its not becuase of me, its because of XYZ...(laughable and totally unrelated to anything) - refusing to accept it could be him.
• He often flatly denies saying things I clearly remember. If I say, "You called me X" he'll say he never did, that i'm making things up. He flat out denies it, and then I'm left with no where to go.
• He weaponises things I've struggled with (eg. kids not behvaing) against me, ie. 'Youre not upset with me, it’s because you cant cope with the kids, just admit, look at you'
• Has become ‘obsessed’ that I a) don’t support his work and b) don’t do enough around the house (this was never raised in all the years together prior to surgery - and is fundamentally not true).

The way arguments go - whatever the issue is, he responds with an attack on my flaws as a human being. It’s always an attack on my character. He never tried to resolve it, and would happily let it fester for days and slowly go back to ‘normal’. He refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, and then often uses his lack of wrongdoing as more ‘proof’ I’m in the wrong (yet can’t tell me what I’ve done wrong, just general character flaws that aren’t true).

I’m not perfect, I could definitely be more organised, am probably quite Type B, but I have put up with a hell of a lot. I never question him, say no to his work demands, ask him to do anything, have changed a lot about myself, always help him with work issues, I work, organise all finances, holidays, kids stuff, food.

Would most people be able to cope with it and brush it off? How do you live and sit with the anxiety of silent treatment whilst also seething inside? How would you address it?

Please help me x

ps. If he sees this he will be furious so may ask to be deleted. Sorry in advance if so.

I am 47 and just so sad that I can't seem to find a nice man who wants to be with me. I've already been though the mill with men who are happy to use me for sex or as a placeholder or a therapist while they get over the woman they really loved or men who see my home and savings as a way to fund their own lifestyle but an actual partner is so much harder to find. My latest stint on apps shows me my admirers are young lads looking to fulfil an older woman fantasy and much older men close to my fathers age who seem to think I'll be jumping at the chance to date a pensioner. Sorry I don't mean to sound unkind but like most women I just want a guy roughly my own age and stage of life.

I look at other women I know and most of them do have loving partners who obviously adore them who share the load of life with them and are there for fun things like holidays, meals out and just spending time together at home. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me? Why am I the one on the shelf, the one nobody decent wanted? I know I shouldn't but I do compare myself to other women and I don't think I am any worse looking or less likeable than them so why haven't I found anyone? The only thing I can think of is that I didn't really date in my 20's I was busy with work, family and friends in that time, travelling and having a great time and only really seriously started thinking of dating when I turned 30 but it seems that by then most of the good men had been snapped up and now older single women are all left sifting though other women's rejects and trying to find the very rare good man who still becomes available. It doesn't help that the few good men I do know who have become single (mostly family so not men I'd date) have all ended up with significantly younger women. I think I am still attractive but I am ageing quite noticeably now so how can I compete if men worth having will usually go younger if they can?

I also feel like I can't face going back into it again at this stage, its all too humiliating but at the same time I do really want a partner and it does feel like time is against me.

Two DD’s 13 months apart, DD1 (9) and DD2 (8).

They are both lovely girls who normally get on really well. Dd2 has always been more advanced than dd1 (walked, talked, potty trained first etc) with this trend continuing.

It’s never been a concern as DD1 was never behind in general, Dd2 just seems preform slightly above at most things.

About a month ago dd1 came to me in tears saying dd2 is better than her at everything and that she hates her. Since then she’s been really down on herself and been unkind to dd2. We’ve been trying to strengthen dd1’s confidence and focus on her own hobbies and friendships separate to dd2 who as far as we’ve witnessed hasn’t actually done or said anything wrong.

DD1 has done a certain hobby since she was 3 which she loves and is quite good at. Dd2 already does lots of activities but has now said she wants to join this one, she watched a film with it in and is really excited about it. DD1 is furious and upset.

I think it would really negatively impact dd1 to have dd2 join her hobby as it’s likely dd2 would quickly overtake her at it so we should say sorry you already do enough activities and that is your sisters one. DH thinks that’s ridiculous and would be enabling dd1’s jealousy and punishing dd2 for nothing so dd2 should be able to join

AIBU to not want to let dd2 join?

BF & I live apart, have own homes, pay our own bills, my 2 teenage children live with me most of the time, his with ex wife - sees them EOW. Due to locations and dynamics, he stays with me but doesn’t live with me. He pays when we go out for an evening, buys odd food items, wine etc but I pay for all bills, food etc. Sometimes he can stay for a week. When this happens, especially in the winter, he saves on his gas, electric, water and food bills. He has travel costs that I don’t. Earns significantly more than me but pays CM etc. Trying to give essential information to help my question…
With the COL, energy and food prices rising, should I ask for a contribution for the week he stays with me. And if so how much?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/world-cup-2026/5554935-fifa-world-cup-2026-discussion-and-watchalong-thread-part-8?page=8&reply=153623273

Follow on from the last thread.

I have a tiled floor in my downstairs toilet .
Despite mopping it well I can’t get rid of the lingering smell of wee .
Ive even tried using one that is designed for pet stains / smells . Scrubbing between the grout with a brush .
Anyone got other suggestions ?

This is doing my head in, and I just wondered how to handle it.

I am due to retire soon. May possibly be early next year. (Luckily, I am retiring a few years earlier than I thought I would be able to - at 60.)

DH's cousin's wife, works for a charity shop, and is the Deputy Manager, and all she has banged on about, since DH decided to mention (about 3 months ago,) that I may be retiring soon is how wonderful it is that they'll have an extra pair of hands in the charity shop, and has told me to let her know when I retire, so she can pop me on the rota!

I mean, WTF? I have worked since I was 16, so about 43 years, with no break, other than 2 maternity leaves of 4 months each (and they're not holidays,) and she has me lined up for work in her shop. 'I'm sure we can squeeze a couple of 8 hour shifts a week out of you!' she said smugly the other day.

She is also trying to get me to join her 'walking group.' She lives 7 miles away, and it's her village walking group, so I would have to drive there every time (it's twice a week.) I love walking but HATE doing it in groups. Prefer to do it alone. Sometimes with DH, or my DC, occasionally a friend, but NOT in a big group. There's 25 or so of them, and I like to walk at my own pace, and on my own chosen routes.

I could honestly cuss DH for telling her. Me retiring is none of her business! It's OK for her, up to 2 years ago (she's aged 56 now,) she has always been a homemaker/stay at home mum, (and has had no children at home for the past 12 years and was still a homemaker for another 10 years before getting this charity shop job..) There's nothing wrong with being a homemaker if it suits both of you in the couple.... But basically she has never had to work... I am looking forward to a chance to just do ....... nothing, as I have worked nearly 43 years!

Well, maybe sit in the garden reading, going for walks, (not in big groups!) and looking around the shops, and going to the woodlands, doing some gardening, writing poetry, and just doing what I want to, after 43 years of work. OK, the last 28 have been part time - 20 to 22 hours a week, but I was raising a family as well as working part time, (our DC left around 6-7 years ago,) and I am looking forward to the total freedom, and not having to do anything, unless I want to, and I don't want DH's bossy cousin's wife arranging my life for me. (DH is planning on retiring about 2 years after me......)

So far, I have just been like 'err, ha ha, errrm, well...' and she's moved on to the next subject (we see her maybe once every 3-4 weeks.) DH said I just need to tell her NO, but how can I word it without sounding horrible? She is really bossy, and I am quite placid and quiet.. Upshot is I am not working in the charity shop because I don't want to, OR joining the 'walking group!' I hate big group gatherings, and am a free spirit, and always get lost in these groups and ignored, because I'm fairly quiet.

HELP! How can I deal with this? I'm so annoyed that I have to!!!

Biscuit

My husband sa me about 15 years ago when we were young. I was only 24 at the time. We had a young baby with literally not much money or anywhere to go at the time. My parents were very religious and embarsssed by what everyone at their church would say as I had a child out of marriage. U felt so trapped by himI felt very pressured to marry him actually. I blocked out the sa I suppose and stayed married to him. Only a few years ago I was watching tv and a woman was discussing a date rape on a tv show and something just clicked with me that thag is what he did to me too. I hate him he disgusts me. He knows our marriage is over but isn’t moving out. It was over the night he did that to me anyway I suppose I always knew that, it was just admitting it to myself. Anyway he tells me that he is feeling depressed and suicidal over our marriage. I can’t help feel like this is manipulation but I’m not sure.

I'm in the process of legally changing my full name because I've never gone by it at any point in my life. I've been going by Finn for years. I chose a last name but I don't want my full name on the internet, so let's say it starts with M

The only long version of Finn that I like is Serafin, but my sisters name is Sarah, so it's out of the question, which is why my name is just Finn

I can't think of any names I like for my middle name. I liked Allison, Clancy, and Spencer but not enough to keep one of them

I like overlooked, usually not listed, lesser known names

I leaned into the culottes and polka dot trend this season and was delighted with this bargain in Sainsburys last week. I thought I looked great. Effortless and summery chic etc etc. Until 14yo DD looked up at me with withering disdain and asked why was I dressed like a Tombliboo.

We had a similar situation last year when I bought a striped teeshirt and they called me Bagpuss for the whole summer.

Not to mention the colossal financial and environmental disaster of HS2 which he personally signed off on, or the PPE cockups, he has now said the risk to MPs safety “remains low”.
this is after 3/650 MPs have been murdered at work in the last ten years - roughly 0.05%.
A comparable percentage of say lawyers or departmental civil servants as related professions would equate to 2250 civil servant murders and 1500 lawyer murders in the last ten years.
The actual number of murders at work for these roles in the last ten years is ZERO.
MPs, particularly female ones, are increasingly at risk and lying to the public about it is only going to make it worse. Although I appreciate for someone like Boris Johnson it’s a hard habit to break.

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

On a much needed holiday nice resort booked a suite that has swim up pool to the 6 adjoining rooms. This is on a huge resort with 4 big pools this is a separate small pool just for these rooms but it’s perfect for us as our youngest is a nervous swimmer.
on Monday there were a few kids climbing over the wall we were on our balcony not using pool but could see this playing out. They all jumped in the pool, joined by 6 adults drinks in hand climbing over wall also (it’s a tiny wall to denote separation a foot or two high)
anyways someone in the downstairs room called reception someone came along to tell the 6 adults and 8 kids this is for these rooms only but you can stay an hour.
yest we were in the pool and they all rocked up again this time trying to take our sunbeds saying could we use these as your in pool as their numberous children starting jumping into pool. It was chaos, got dc out out and said to one of the women who could speak English - this pool is just a small pool for these few rooms only to which she said I’m staying in that one (pointed to a room she could or could not be staying in I haven’t seen anyone coming or going so not sure?!))
anyways I said well these rooms sleep four so the rest of these people aren’t staying here she was aggressive as were the rest and said it’s not up to you I paid for my room these are my guests. I said that’s not how it works this is rude a couple I wouldn’t mind but that many kids and adults just force’s everybody else who actually has a room there out.
didn’t call reception as dc were worried it would kick off if we saw them again but I’m pissed off so would it be unreasonable that If this large group do the same again today and the hotel won’t sort them out I arrange for all my guests (me gathering up everyone I’ve spoke to at the hotel to congregate here so there’s no room for the cheeky fuckers?! Or I’m open to other suggestions I’m not above tell youngest to dirty protest in the pool if needed 😂

Can’t believe I’m writing this but desperate for some advice. DD14 was in a very brief relationship with a boy of 15. About a month. He came to our house a few times and seemed nice, we had a few chats and the same happened when DD when to his house. They go to school together. I don’t know the family at all.
They split up about 3 weeks ago, I’m still not sure why as DD didn’t tell me details but she was very upset for a few days. Hadn’t heard anything about the boy (I’ll call him Matt here) until today when her phone simply didn’t stop buzzing and she looked increasingly worried. She eventually told me tonight he has been messaging her telling her to jump off a bridge and kill herself, and added in messages about how old I am to be a mum of a teenager (not untrue but ouch) and that I’m cheating on my husband with (and then named a dad of someone in DD year). It’s nonsense but I’m upset this rumour has been started and more worryingly I’m upset that my DD received such vitriolic messages about killing herself. DD is adamant she doesn’t want me to speak to police, but I simply don’t feel comfortable doing nothing given I am also being brought into whatever vendetta this boy has. I wondered about going there tomorrow morning, calmly, to speak to his parents and let them know my concerns about the serious nature of the messages he’s sent. I would want to know if my daughter had sent the same kind of message as it feels a bridge too far from normal teenage tiff language.
I do not want to walk into an argument about our children or to try and involve them, but I do feel I need to do something, as it’s so serious that doing nothing feels like letting a bully walk away scot free.

Any advice? Am I being completely naive and this is the worst idea in the world?

Posting here purely for traffic, hoping for a reply.
Has anyone has this bag, if so- does it have the embossed logo on the bottom?
I understand the older black/ gold/ / cream/ green versions had it but i wonder if the current ones on the website have it too?
I added pics of the older version and new too?

Our neighbours are having some work done that required scaffolding on our property. We were fine with that but they turned up a week early and set up whilst I wasn't in. When I got back, they had put a solid plank right on top of a huge 3ft x 3ft plant of our completely destroying it. I am really upset as I loved that plant and had been nurturing it for 6 years, it was absolutely beautiful and is now smashed to pieces. Neighbours were very apologetic and spoke to the builder who in turn spoke to the scaffolding people. They have said they will 'put it right' once the work is done but honestly, they cant put it right. I have a feeling they will try to fob me off by buying a new plant, but you cant buy them that established and there is no guarantee it will take. Also, the sheer disrespect of destroying property not even belonging to the people they are working for has made me really angry to be honest
What do you think is a reasonable 'demand' for me to make from them to make up for this? I plan to wait as see what they offer first but don't want to be taken for a ride with this as, as silly as it sounds, this really upset me

I have never bought anything from Poetry but like the look of some of their linen trousers.

i am sick of ordering things online after checking the size guide, only to find that in reality the size is much bigger.

I am petite but a true size 8 around the waist.

Is Poetry generally true to size?

Why are parents leaving this late? Start about 2 yo for little ones who don't have developmental issues. Make it fun. Bribery is your friend. Nice weather in the garden. Take off pants. Boys will water your plants and love it. Girls might be fascinated watching a stream without nappies. Friends round with children further on or the same stage of toilet training. Lots of lovely flavoured drinks and see who can wee first etc and get chocolate, clapping, singing, cake, anything for doing the wee thing (or even a poo) in the potty or toilet. Coloured bubbles, sparkles or washing up liquid in toilet or potty. If you live without a garden take them to the park/woods without a nappy or just with light pants on and play games with lots of drinks.

Remember, if they can't feel or see the wee or poo coming out they won't get the message. Just make whatever happens fun and use some imagination/bribery but most of all praise.

I know how this sounds, but I’m wondering if I’m being unfair.

I’m a SAHM with 3 kids. DH’s family are very wealthy, mine are ordinary. I sometimes feel MIL thinks being generous should automatically make us really close.

My mum is the person I ring if I’ve had a bad day, have something exciting to share, just fancy a chat or need advice how to wash a stubborn stain off. She’s… my mum. MIL wants that sort of relationship too, but it doesn’t feel natural because we don’t have that history.

When I had my youngest, my mum came over and cleaned the kitchen because I’d been up all night. MIL arrived with loads of expensive baby clothes (which was lovely), but kept saying she’d take the baby so I could “do something useful”. I actually just wanted to sit cuddling my newborn.

She’s also very organised. It’ll be “I’ve booked lunch for everyone on Sunday” or “We’re all going to the country house next weekend.” It feels more like an expectation than an invitation. She’s surprised if I say lunch at 1 won’t work and mumbles something about the fact that if my baby’s tired he can just nap in the pram or my middle child will learn to enjoy seafood if I expose her to it enough.

The money side makes me uncomfortable too. She paid for BIL and SIL to go on an amazing holiday last year, and now they’re at her house all the time. MIL is forever treating them to holidays, shopping trips and things for the children. She’s offered us the same sort of things, but it feels like there’s an expectation that we’ll become just as involved. The other day she actually said “Your SIL always says yes, why can’t you”. I also cringe a little at big logo t clothes and MIL asks why is my daughter rarely dressed in outfits that have DIOR written in large font on the front.

My mum sees the children more because she lives nearby and she’ll pop over if I need to take one child to the dentist or if I’ve run out of milk. It’s just everyday life.

MIL gets upset that she’s not included in those sorts of things too, but I don’t know how to explain that you can’t recreate the relationship I have with my own mum. Also MIL wants to come over as often as my mum but for things that’ll be fun for her rather than useful to me (ie she’d like to come over and play with our toddler for only as long as the toddler is in a good mood, in case of tantrum I should swoop in or if anyone gets dirty I clean them up, my mum is happy to come over for 2hrs whilst I pop to the hairdressers and she’ll handle all the tantrums, snack requests in the meantime)

It’s not that I don’t like her. We see her regularly, she’s involved with birthdays, Christmas and school events.

DH thinks I’m being unfair because if my mum can come and go as she pleases, why shouldn’t his?

To me they’re completely different relationships.

Am going to a British/Indian wedding later this summer. Actual wedding in church, all straightforward. Party the night before with Indian food and dancing. The Indian women will be in lehengas. Dress code is very open so I don’t have to look for a lehenga, though I am open to the idea. I definitely want something bright and fun. Happy to look at Vinted etc, but wondering if anyone has ideas.

I’m 5’4 and a size 18-20. Would rather not have lots of midriff showing, but a sliver is okay.