Obviously it means they have offered her a place but why so early? She only got the UCAS application in a week ago. It's lower than the advertised offer. Does it mean they really like her? Or is it that they struggled to fill places this year so they're trying to get in early? Are they struggling in certain subjects? Or some uni's just do offer earlier than others? I'm just really surprised and trying to work out what is going on.

I've been invited to go away just after the new year with old friends. It is a trip to los Angeles, so £1k 10hoyr plus flights, £500 hotel, spending money. I want to go with my girlfriends but feel bad leaving the family and spending that much (though it would really be noticed). Also, it's a long way for a short trip. YOLO or you'd be crazy to go...?

I'm quite looking forward to seeing the royals in all their bling for this state banquet which is due to take place tomorrow night. It will certainly be a dazzling occasion. And I think open carriage ride through the streets of Windsor too. Nice.

I am a 76 year old woman. I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for 8 years. I told my (ex) partner that I was going to take my grand daughter to Australia to visit my son for five days (I live in NZ). He said if you go you can’t come back, I am changing the locks.

My daughter said to me, if a friend asked you for advice in this situation, what would you say? Easy. Leave now. My daughter drove four hours to come and get me, I threw everything into garden bags and left.

i am fortunate to have a very supportive family. I am now the resident granny in my daughter’s granny flat. Not how I saw my later years, but still.

i hope this helps those who are torn. I am still emotionally fragile but on the right track.

I'm trying to expand my soup and casserole repertoire. Can anyone suggest any brands of alcohol (or non-alcoholic equivalents) that I can use when cooking, but which don't contain either gluten or sulphites?

Bonus points if you can get it from Tesco or Waitrose (I suspect the latter is more likely).

Ive said multiple times to my DH that he should not be using his phone when driving. Repeatedly I have said this. He says he’s just changing a song or whatever and I get really annoyed with him. I’ve said he could kill someone and he needs to pack it in.

Today he rang me very distressed saying he was “changing a song” on his phone on a dual carriageway and a man in the passenger seat of the car next to him was recording him and shaking his head.

I was mortified and said that it’s totally irresponsible and I’ve told him for years to stop it. I don’t even let our child get in the car with him on his own if I can help it.

he was crying and said he’ll be reported to the police. I’ve no sympathy but worried that the police with knock at our door?? What’s the likelihood of this? I’m annoyed that he’s continually broken the law, got caught and now put out family in a position where he could be arrested at our house.

he’s moping and not talking to me now. Aibu to have been so unsupportive of him?

So I went in to GPs today totally ready to be told it's my anxiety as always. And she did too, until I made her examine my neck for completeness as I have got swallowing issues. And she finds a suspicious firm 2 cm lump. Nothing was there in February. I know I have a 2cm thyroid lump but it was not palpable on previous exams nor did it cause me any swallowing issues before.

I can feel the new lump, waiting for my urgent ENT appt now. Terrified. My 4yo is so attached to me, he constantly just wants to be with me and no one else. I just want a handhold until I wait for the appointment.

Hi all!
I’m hoping for some help and advice…
DD is currently in year 5 so I’m starting to think about secondary school options.
We live in a lovely village in a nice house, however we have one school in our catchment and it’s just awful! It’s been all over the local news, parents have been petitioning for the trust to be removed etc etc. and I really don’t want DD going there. She doesn’t want to go either after talking to friends with older siblings.
She loves the idea of a secondary school about 15 mins away but not in our catchment which is heavily subscribed every year.
My DD’s Dad and I separated last year and he is currently living in catchment for this school, however the children spend more time with me (75/25).
There is also a third school, also out of catchment but people from my village have successfully had their children accepted here as it’s not as over subscribed.
So….my question is what school do I apply for and where do I say she lives?
If I say she lives with her Dad, but then doesn’t get her first choice, would she be more unlikely to get the second choice from her Dads address as my address is nearer? Or do we just forget the 1st choice and put her as living with me (which is true) and hope she gets the out of catchment choice even though it’s not the school she really wants?
sorry for the long confusing post and thanks in advance to anyone you had read it all and managed to keep up! lol x

And if so would you recommend?

Im not looking for a conservatory, more of a covered patio area from the back of the house.

We’re in the west of Scotland so somewhere to sit out when it rains but not an indoor room, maybe glazing all around that can be opened on the annual summers day.

Help!!

I have about £400 I can comfortably spend on a capsule wardrobe for autumn/winter. I own dark jeans already. I have an apron belly and like to hide that. I have a coat (trench) and a leather jacket

Just for line dancing class next week as instructor wants some group photos !

I dream vividly every night. My Ex husband is often in my dreams. We were together for 20 years and he’s the father of my adult children. He cheated on me for years and I left him. He’s been a psychopath ever since and I can honestly say that I hate his guts and wouldn’t care if he died tomorrow. I’m happily married and very in love with my DH for the past 18 years. But my horrible ex is in my dreams a few times a week and I don’t know why. There must be a reason. Unresolved trauma?

Hi all, I’m looking for a robust pair of short (bootie-type) wellies for this winter. Preferably ones that won’t have a loose insole or tiny holes appearing at the joins in within a month or two (unlike the expensive Barbour ones I foolishly bought once). I do a lot of dog walking most days hence the need for durability - recommendations?

Do you still wear any?

I lived in skinny jeans, knee length boots, some sort of slim-fitting long top and a lightweight patterned scarf looped around my neck.

I have about two dozen of the bloody things I haven’t touched in a long time. Will I regret getting rid of them?

I’ll go first….Two years ago I bought an electric blanket for around £150. Large, deluxe one. I honestly cannot explain how much happiness and joy this purchase has given me. I just love it so much. I think it was the best £150 I have ever spent. Couldn’t imagine life without it 😂.

What about you lot? What other joy am I missing out on in life?

Need some advice on how to deal with my MIL. She is obsessed with ‘kindness’ and everything she does has to be kind, she judges everyone else based on how kind she perceives them to be.

She does lots of things that we don’t like but if we ask her not to, she sulks as she was only being kind. Basically if we ever disagree with her then we are nasty people as she was just doing what she did or said with kindness. Examples - she reorganised all my kitchen cupboards one afternoon whilst babysitting, DH told her it was she had overstepped the mark, she got upset as she was being kind. We went on a day out and the children were behaving badly, I told them off and she was cuddling them saying I didn’t mean what I said - again she was only saying it with kindness. The crux of it is that her actions can only ever be good as they were meant with good intentions.

Earlier this year she had a bad mental health episode which unfortunately coincided with the birth of DC3 and also me being extremely ill and needing major surgery, DH had to get quite firm with her to arrange proper help for her (she wanted him to move in with her whilst I was caring for 3 DC, one a newborn, having just had major surgery) and now she says he was unkind in the way he spoke to her and she can’t forgive him.

How can we deal with this? It’s causing a lot of friction. She hasn’t got any other family at all so it feels incredibly mean to cut her off. We live close to her and every time we see her it’s ending in an argument. I dropped in with the DCs a couple of nights ago and she wouldn’t let me in!

DH and I were talking about DD's university graduation next year (assuming she passes her final year, of course, fingers crossed). We're lucky that her university allows each student to have several tickets so DD can also invite extended family. Absolutely no expectation for anyone should attend, but it's nice that DD can ask them. Her university isn't close to anyone's home, so we'll all have to travel, book accommodation, pay for meals, etc.

One of DH's sisters loves family events and we're pretty sure that she and her DH will want to come. The only slight drawback is that they also have a history of freeloading when travelling with family members. No logical reason for this, they have professional jobs and go on several holidays a year. I think they just don't like spending money!

We'll pay for a celebratory family meal, but how do we gently get the message across that if they do decide to come, they'll have to pay for their accommodation, meals, etc. DH's brother got really annoyed with them on a recent joint holiday!

DS just had his birthday.
We got him a CD player and CDS,
Acoustic guitar
Clothes
A Hat
Aftershave

For xmas so far i'm thinking winter hat and gloves, trainers, maybe tickets to something and a board game.

Currently doing the course now 3 months in. Managing the assessments ok but finding fitting in 6 hours of new learning tricky. Looking for ideas to boost my learning. Specialising in SEMH. Can anyone recommend any good articles/webinars/podcasts to help.

Howdy lovely MN's

We are after a new mattress - medium firm. Just getting royally fed up with them sagging within a few months, never to bounce back and leaving us to sleep on a horribly lumpy mattress. It's not even that we are that heavy! Don't mind if have to rotate, tip them over, whatever, just something that lasts.

We used to buy mattresses from a company in Yorkshire, called Beauty Sleep but they seem to have gone downhill and the last one lasted 3 months, rather than the normal 10 years. So we are hoping you guys have some tried and tested mattresses that have lasted and can share which type please?

Only thing not keen on is Tempur as we've not heard a good thing from friends who spent out, spending a grand or more just to throw them away because uncomfortable.

Cheers loads!

Going to try and keep this brief:

DH is 62 yrs old. I am 53 yrs old. Three kids all still living at home.
DS #1 = 19 yrs old; DS #2 = 16 yrs old, DD #3 = 14 yrs old

Dead marriage for at least last 10 yrs. Separate bedrooms for that period too.

DH very busy and successful businessman. We jointly co-own business. I worked my own job outside until 5 years ago but also helped him in early days. He admits he wouldn’t be where he is today without me.

No blazing rows- just a steady decline over years, mutual resentment, failed couple counselling rounds and starkly divergent parenting approaches. DH was never very interested in or hands on with the kids but is now trying to make up for lost time. Not sure we had much in common (sadly not even a sense of humour) before the kids.

I reckon he saw me as a safe pair of hands that would help him realise his ambitions and I enabled the dynamic (I have spent last 3 years in therapy understanding early motivations for doing so & being a fixer and people pleaser even within my own birth family).

Last few years have been particularly challenging as kids are now teenagers and can see the impasse for what it is and none of this has been good for their own relationship modelling as they would have regarded their father as unpleasant and grumpy towards me. We soldiered on when we should have probably physically separated. We have no family nearby to help be an emotional buffer for the kids but we are proud of them.

DH and I were never great at communicating with one another our thoughts and fears about the future but we recognise that there is no joint future for us a couple - we are better friends and should never have been long term
romantic partners although tbh many women wouldn’t have tolerated some of his neglect and abrupt behaviour over the the years. Walking on eggshells just about sums it up.

DH asked me last week whether he could take off his wedding band as he wants to start dating. He was very ill earlier this year and this has brought about a reappraisal of his priorities. However, he wants for us all to continue living together to maintain a family unit but also so he be with the kids (he would never manage being a single parent by himself and the kids are very aware of that).

This is not a midlife crisis but essentially he recognises that the marriage has irretrievably broken down but wants to keep the bits that still work in his eyes. He is worried that at his age, he’s not going to be an attractive proposition if he leaves it much longer to get back out there 🤣 He says I too would be free to date others but tbh I have zero interest and am just exhausted being a mum and dad to the kids. And I live in a small provincial city where I really don’t see much of a dating pool of interest.

He does not want the finality of a divorce and assures me that I would continue to have full access to all personal and business accounts. He respects that I need to obtain legal advice and likely proceed to getting a separation agreement drawn up. He says no third parties will be allow to come to the family home or meet the kids but I expect we would to inform
them in due course.

I think kids would largely continue living at home “as is” We can afford a second home nearby but DH resisted my previous requests get a house of my own to live in with the kids.

I guess that as and when kids leave home, we could have our own places (I would likely move abroad) but of course it is anyone’s guess if the kids will ever properly move out. We may end up with adult kids at home 🙈

Would you agree to his request? He would be having his cake and eating it - a soft landing for him. He may end up spending more time with new partner. But I still own 50% of the cake and perhaps get more bang for my buck than running two households. It is an unorthodox approach but one that may suit for now. It would be very clear to all outside that we have separated but remain under one roof and DH will make that v clear to all.

Thoughts please?

Hello! I would be grateful for some advice. I have been back to work for about 2 months. It genuinely feels awful with my 1 year old being ill at nursery most of that time. I'm really struggling with managing my house, baby and my job! My work seems very demanding, so when the little one is ill, I have to work in the evening. LO doesn't sleep well at night. We have tried sleep training but LO was literally throwing up crying... now LO has another cold so just doesn't sleep. I am working feeling so tired. People at work at not that understanding of the whole situation.

Can any fellow solicitors or similar professions say - how did you cope?

I feel stressed out most of the time now. My to do list is endless. I have a cleaner coming once a week. In laws sometimes help but they are busy with other grandchildren and my parents still work.
Thanks x

I’ve always wanted to exclusively breastfeed my baby, but we’ve had a difficult start and I’m wondering whether it’s still possible to get there.
My milk came in late, and my baby had a severe tongue tie which caused a very shallow latch. It was released when he was 4 days old and then again at 5 weeks. His latch has improved considerably since the second release.
We’ve seen two different lactation consultants, several midwives and our health visitor, who have all said that his latch and feeding look good.
I’ve been offering him the breast as much as possible, but we’re still having to top up with 60–90ml of formula.
He’ll sometimes feed for around 30 minutes across both breasts and seem satisfied, but then want to feed again within 30 minutes. Other times, he’ll feed for 5 minutes, fall asleep and wake up still hungry.
He also sometimes gets frustrated at the breast, pulling and thrashing his head around with my nipple in his mouth.
I’m worried I’m not producing enough milk, although when I pump I can usually get between 60ml and 150ml. If I try to exclusively breastfeed throughout the day, by the afternoon he seems increasingly frustrated and his wet nappies start to decrease, so I end up giving him formula.
He seems to really enjoy breastfeeding and will sometimes refuse a bottle but happily latch onto the breast.
I’m desperate to make breastfeeding work and would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

• Has anyone successfully gone from combination feeding to exclusively breastfeeding at around 6 weeks?
• Is it possible to increase my supply at this stage, and how did you do it?
• Could he be getting enough milk but just wanting to cluster feed, or does this sound like a supply issue?
• What helped you when your baby was frustrated at the breast?

I feel awful even typing this but does anyone else ever think they would have been better off waiting a bit longer before having children?

I’m 32 and have 3 DC, 11, 7 and 3. I love them, obviously I do, and I’m not saying I wish they weren’t here. But sometimes I look at people my age who are only just having their first or who are still doing things for themselves and I do get a bit of a pang if I’m honest.

I fell pregnant with my eldest when I was 20. I was with my partner and we’d been together a couple of years. We used to go to gigs, travel for weekends on the cheap and just do things without having to think too much about them. I didn’t exactly fall pregnant by accident but it wasn’t something we’d sat down and planned out in great detail either. We thought we’d manage and we did, in the sense that we got on with it. I was young though and looking back I don’t think I really understood how much your life changes once you have a baby. I knew it would be hard work obviously but knowing something and actually living it are two different things.

His dad and I are still together, which is probably part of why this feels so complicated to explain. We’ve been together since we were young and have the younger two together as well. He is a good dad and does help, so this isn’t me having a go at him or saying I’m doing everything on my own. We both work and the usual stuff needs doing, school, nursery, food shopping, washing, trying to remember who needs what for which day. It just feels like there is always something and even when the children are in bed I’m usually sorting something out for the next day.

I think what gets to me is that I never really had much time as an adult without being responsible for somebody else. I went from being at home with my parents to being in a relationship and then having a baby. I was 20, so old enough to make my own decisions, I’m not saying anyone made me do it. But I didn’t really get to find out who I was on my own, if that makes sense.

Before anyone says you can still do things with children, yes of course you can. We go out and do things as a family, have days out and the children have a nice life. I’m not sat at home miserable every day. But everything takes planning and money and somebody has to pack the bags and remember the snacks and make sure the little one has had a nap or you end up paying for it later. Even going somewhere for a couple of hours can turn into a whole thing.

I was talking to someone I know the other day who is 31 and has just got engaged. She was talking about wanting to do a bit of travelling before they even think about children and I was happy for her, I really was, but afterwards I did think god I wish I’d had a bit more time like that. Not even anything exciting really. Just being able to decide on a Friday that you want to go somewhere at the weekend without having to work out childcare, costs, school stuff and everything else first. We used to go away for cheap weekends, stay somewhere basic and make a little trip of it. I miss that sometimes. I miss being able to go to a gig and not immediately think about who is picking everyone up the next morning.

I don’t regret my children and I don’t want that taken the wrong way. My eldest is getting so grown up now and sometimes I look at him and wonder where the time has gone. The younger two are funny and lovely in their own ways and I know I’d be devastated if they weren’t here. But I also remember being 20 and thinking I was basically an adult who had everything figured out, when really I hadn’t got a clue about a lot of things.

My partner says everyone has to give things up when they have children and that we have plenty of time to do more when they’re older. Which is true I suppose. But I don’t think he feels it in quite the same way because he was older when he became a dad. He says I shouldn’t compare our life to people who don’t have kids yet because it’s not the same stage of life. I know that, I’m not stupid, but sometimes you can’t help thinking about what might have been different.

I don’t know if this is just a normal thing to feel or if I’m being ungrateful. I do get a bit fed up when people say having children young is great because you’ll still be young when they’re grown up. Maybe I will be, but I’ve still spent most of my twenties and now my early thirties raising children. It’s not like I can get those years back and do some of the things I didn’t do.

Does anyone else ever wish they’d waited a few more years, even though they love the children they have? Or did you have them young and feel like you got the best of both worlds? I don’t really have anyone I can say this to in real life because I think people would assume I don’t love my children, which isn’t it at all.

Hello

Has anyone found a great fidget toy advent calendar- ideally with lots of fiddle tots, things that click and pop, rather than just squishy toys?

No limited budget - would prefer to pay for a decent one.

Thank you.