Who should submit a flexible working request first in our situation?

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

Just looking for a bit of advice. Me and my partner work for the same company but different stores. Previous to my maternity leave we worked in the same store and had an agreement with our manager that if my partners days had to change then my hours also changed (he works 5 days full time as a manager, I work 2 as a customer assistant) but now we are in different stores.

My partners contracted days were recently changed after his paternity leave but as he is a manager he is expected to be flexible and have the ability to move his days with 4 weeks notice.

The issue is the days he used to have off were the days I worked. This now means that not only do I need to submit a flexible working request to move my days and remove any need for flexibility. My partner also needs to put in a flexible working request to try to remove his flexibility.

The issue I am having is who should submit their request first as I know they can take up to 2 months to reply.

If my partners manager says no to allowing him to have fixed days and no flexibility then I will have to quit work. Equally if my manager says no to changing my days I will have to quit work so I am unsure who should submit first.

I don't want to affect my partners career or progression by putting in requests that are then irrelevent if I can't move days but equally no point moving my days if my partner has to continue to be flexible.

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated!

Get childcare and keep both of your jobs? Especially since you refer to him as your partner rather than husband.

So we both work nights. So I work the 2 shifts that he doesn't so childcare isn't an option in this case.

Ah. That makes more sense. No real reason you can't put them in simultaneously. Sounds like a big organisation and you're in separate stores. Just do both!

It would be unusual for a manager to be non flexible on their days. Would you moving to daytime be easier to achieve?

If you only work 2 days and your partner does 5 at a managerial level, then I would assume you putting in a FWR to switch to days rather than nights is the better option. Then you can use a nursery or child minder for the 2 days you work. Most management roles would expect a degree of flexibility. You don’t just work your shifts rigidly in management as issues may crop up which need action/ decisions

Yes this is my concern I think they will say no due to the needs of the business especially as there are only 2 managers on nights. I also don't want it to look bad on him as he is trying to move up!

Unfortunately daytime roles during nursery hours are very very rare to come by so we may have to accept I have to quit.

I’m confused about why both of you need to request FW?

Unfortunately I could only work between 9.30 - 3 during the day with the kids at nursery and retail doesn't really offer these sort of hours. They would be highly likely to refuse.

But yes highly unlikely partners request will be approved so I may have to accept quiting.

Because we work nights. So I work the 2 nights that he is off.

This means I would need flexible working to change my days as he works different days now to what he did prior to my maternity leave and I would also need to remove the requirement to have extra available hours over my contracted hours.

My partner would need a flexible working arrangement to allow him to have his days fixed with no requirement to change days (currently he can be made to work different days with 4 weeks notice) and to not have his working days changed from what they are now.

I would just talk to your manager and explain the situation and see where the land lies and then make a decision about submitting a formal request.

I think the fact that the two of you have a baby together is irrelevant. You should be considered as independent individuals by your employer. And you don't need to give a reason for requesting to work flexibly.

Your employer shouldn't be checking whether everyone who wants to change their work circs has a partner who also wants to do the same.

Presumably there are only two managers on nights because there are not many managers full stop, and most of them prefer to work daytime?

Is pay better on the nightshift?

It sounds like you will probably have to change your job.

Could you BOTH submit the request at the same time but get dh to contact both his manager and yours (or HR for both of you) and explain why the request has been made and that your request is only needed if his is able to be approved?

If the flexible working request is turned down for your dh it shouldn’t count against him in his career development so I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s not a black mark against him, to make a reasonable request.

If you are both turned down, before you quit I’d have a serious chat with your manager and ask what suggestions they can offer - you never know, they may have an idea you didn’t come up with!

Yes the team is just run by a lead and 2 managers and a shift leader. Not like daytime when there is lots. Yes my partner probably earns an extra 7-8k being on nights.

Yes possibly going to have to submit both and if my partners gets refused I will have to quit and if mine gets refused I will have to quit as they are very unlikely to offer me a daytime vacancy 9.30-3 3 set days a week with no weekend working (of course I can ask just highly highly unlikely)

Submit your request to change your days.
DH also submits his to fix his days. If his gets declined and yours approved, carry on working until he’s asked to changed his days and then make a new plan. If he gets given 4 weeks notice then it would give you time to hand your notice in.
How likely is it his hours will change regularly? Just because they can change may not mean they will and you could potentially submit flexible working again if time has passed.

His days change quite frequently. Whenever another manager is on holiday or sick etc. Often with less than 4 weeks notice to be honest. Especially at the time of year I am due to return to work (christmas) they completely change their days around and work longer weeks etc.

Also to add..

if you could change to daytime hours. Could your DH do the school run/pick up 2 days a weeks. He could sleep inbetween and after you get home from work.
If you can get fixed days in the week, but the baby in nursery these days. The bonus of nights is that I can do all drops off and pick ups. This would give you the flexibility to work longer day time shifts

Fair enough then. I did a separate post but sounds like the best solution may be to request daytime hours with fixed days. Put baby in nursery or childminders and DH do the school run and sleep inbetween

A childminder or day nursery is usually open at least 8am to 6pm so requesting day shifts should be ok?

Are you married?

If not then your personal earning ability is paramount.

Our boys are nursery age not school age. Its more I cant justify the cost of keeping both kids at nursery past their free hours it would outstrip what I am earning.

Most daytime retail also generally requires early starts or late finishes neither of which I can do. But I can pose the question to my manager on if the day team can offer a 9.30- 3 shift but I have to be realistic that they are unlikely to have the vacancy for those hours.

Nursery will cost £14 per hour in total. If they went 8-6 it would cost me more than half my tiny wage to put them into nursery.

We also only have 1 car so I unfortunately still couldnt start until 9.30 and our company generally offers early vacancies (6am starts) or late finishes (10pm) which I obviously cant do. They also generslly want you to work at least 1 weekend day. This is why we both worked nights but different days.

But I can throw out to my manager if there is a chance the day team have a vacancy that is 9.30-3 that they are willing to hold for 6 months.

No not married. My earnings are £900 a month so nothing big. My partners job at least covers our expenses so his job is the top priority.

Both kids are nursery age. Yes will have to see if work can offer a 9.30- 3 3 day week weekday only job and hold it for 6 months

Yes and he can walk out tomorrow leaving you with nothing. Please do what you can to achieve more income; or get married for your own financial protection. Unmarried you have zero protection. Mad anyone has kids unmarried unless they have lots of their any money

Yes I know marriage is great and provides lots of protection but not the point of the thread. It will get done eventually 😊