Moving to the country - 18 year old about to start uni - would you ?

[Readysteadife]

We live in a city , bus stop right outside all the usual city stuff !
we have put an offer in on a house about 40 mins away, lovely house in small village a- no shop, bus or pub. Nearest town is 7 miles away .
Our daughter is off to uni in September and we thought this would be a good time for us to move to the country as this has always been my husband and my dream.

any experience of this ? Is this sensible now my daughter is off to uni ?

The uni holidays are long and frequent and our dcs enjoyed coming back to base and being able to easily catch up with old school friends and hang out at the places they enjoyed during sixth form. I’m sure young adults cope without the base, but I would wait for a couple of years - going to uni is a huge change for them and the comfort of home and old friendships can be really valuable.

I’m not sure I’d put off a long held dream because of an 18 year old and their social life. How long are you supposed to wait? 3 / 4 years? Since you’ve actually put the offer on a hour the teenager must be aware already. What have they said about it. ?

I loved going back to see friends during university holidays.

I also think it sounds hugely destabilising to make a huge change like this just as she starts university

Does she drive? Would she have access to a car during the holidays? If not, then you're severely restricting her opportunities to work.

If there is no bus you are going to be doing a lot of taxi driving and/or find she is reluctant to stay there at all. If you want to encourage her to be more independent and move out could be a good move.

Agree

We are not going to move until our youngest graduates. I think it's important for her to be able to come back to her home and her friends.

Sounds like a terrible idea for you and her; do you really want to be so isolated and car reliant? She’ll struggle when she comes home in the holidays to not be coming back to her ‘home’ area.

For me it would depend on transport to her home area if she’s going to want to see friends in the holidays. Otherwise she may not choose to come home in the holidays.

Well, there’s a lot to think about.

rural Areas often don’t have good transport. Do you have younger children who you will need to taxi around?

if your daughter follows the standard pattern she’ll be in halls the first year and then privately renting years two and three. She’s a lot less likely to go “home” to you for the summer if it’s a house she doesn’t know and it’s a long way from her friends.

would you be ok with that?

I agree with PPs – does she drive and does she have a car (or will she be able to buy one or be supported to buy one)?

If not then I think it would be very challenging for her, especially if she has close friends in her current home city.

My DD has always stayed close to her group of school friends while away at uni and is now closer to some. DS2 Otoh went away to uni and I think has lost touch with his school friends tho he did have a good group. He made a new set of friends at uni and it’s those people he sees now – but if this were the case for your DD, yes again agree with PPs that you might find she chooses not to come home, especially as student lets are often from the summer onwards. You may be fine with that ofc.

I am assuming btw that you have no other DC?

Thanks everyone!
i do not feel it’s a massive move as it is 20 miles away .
i have a 26 year old son too, I had him when I was 22.
My whole adult life I have really wanted to live in the - I am now 49 and feel like I have spent my adult life doing the best for them. I do understand the importance of home - but we aren’t going too far .

surprised by all the posts! my parents wouldn't have cared..just moved if they had wanted

We did exactly this, but slightly earlier. DD was 17 not yet passed her driving test. Yes there was and still is something around, but we get to sit and chat in the car. DH and I are in our dream home in our dream location. DD visits a lot now she is 22 work and has her own life.

She does not drive and does not want to learn until after uni - her choice

As long as you are happy about being a taxi service and don't whinge about it

How far away did you move ? All the other posts are making me feel very selfish - like I am not supposed to have a life as I have children

No one has said you can't have a life.

Did your son go to uni,, did he learn to drive beforehand?
Does your DD know you are looking to move or has she decided to not learn how to drive based on her assumption she will have her current home to come back to?

You make it sound like children and life are not compatible. The point about being a parent is to want, and do, the best for your child, surely.

Well she currently doesn’t need to drive, because she lives in a city with decent transport.

I think you need to be prepared for her to spend much of her holidays either staying at uni or staying with home friends. She will be very isolated when visiting you.

She knows all about the move and has viewed the house too. She did like the house - but has raised concerns about getting about . She is quite a homebody .

Given the specific squeeze on jobs for young people, if I had a choice like it sounds you do, for the next few years OP, I’d want to my kids to have as much access to the job market as possible.
‘Only 20 miles’ is a long drive away from where you are now, if they come back to live at your new home, even if they can afford to run a car and can drive. So they may feel some upset around that.
Or perhaps you are very wealthy OP and will be able to help them out with money for rent in a town or city, while they live with friends and look for work?

I think it is very bad timing for her but if you've already put the offer in, then you are a bit late to be thinking about it.

Just be prepared that you won't see her much in the holidays - she might as well stay where she is and get a job in her University town as she won't have anything to come home for. You'll probably see her for a flying visit and that will be it.

Oh dear - I seem to have been told it’s a bad idea .

Can I just ask if everyone posting had had experience of this ? I have spoken to my daughter and her main concern is actually after uni and finding a job and living in the country.

A Lot can change and the likelihood is with the field she is studying in she will have to move .

I would offer to pay for her driving license so she has a way of getting around independently- if she declines, than her transport worries are her own