Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

30 days only

My husband acknowledged he was ill (I think) but I'm feeling pathetic

27 replies

AutismPosts · 25/04/2026 22:10

People might have lost interest by now (I dont blame you tbh).

A cautious breakthrough? I mentioned something he said while he was in hospital. He said "I wasn't thinking straight so I wouldn't take any notice". I didnt reply but it's the first time he has acknowledged anything like that. Is he starting to understand?

He is staying in bed most of the time. He is leaving the house at least once a day so he's getting dressed etc but otherwise hiding in bed. He sometimes sleeps, other times listens to music/audio books and plays on his phone.

I've asked him about depression and he got angry. He says he is is very anxious. I've seen him get worked up about things and needing reassurance but he's not talking much and is being very defensive.

He's less unplesasnt now but we're still treading on eggshells.

He thinks it is related to his tablets. He is thinking about discharging himself and going through his GP. She won't help while he is under the community team but he still has no idea when he will see them and is desperate to change his meds. I dont know how long he's going to keep taking them before it gets too much for him.

He has banned me from contacting the community team/PALS/anyone. He'll be furious if I do. He still doesnt trust me. I don't feel like he is ill enough for me to go against his wishes now. Which is good but I feel like I should be doing sonething about this, not leaving him to deal with it all alone.

He has stopped talking about pot which is a huge relief. I'm guessing he did his own research and found enough evidence.

He is pissed off that work wont let him go back yet. They've put an occ health referral in for him over a month away saying its the nearest they could get. It isnt but I know why they've done it and I'm thankful for it. He says he's bored and lonely and wants to get back to normal. I think a very, very slow return to work might be good for him. He likes routine.

He's not mentioned super intelligence or autism or anything recently but I think he has just put it on the back burner while he sorts his meds rather than moved on. He says he is fed up of me not supporting him.

A few things with our holiday have not worked out as planned and he also says he doesnt think he'll be able to cope so he told our daughter he's cancelling it which obviously upset her.

I've gently told him that we'd love him to come with us (although truth be told our daughter doesnt want him to now) but if he cant then we'll understand and we'll go by ourselves. I dont think he remembered that I told him this previously or believed that I will.

He was very unhappy about that and started talking about how everything is booked in his name and we wont be able to change it. So I need to look into it. I need to persuade him to pay any fees to get it changed to my name in case he cant come.

But then after the state today left me in, I dont know if I could cope doing it alone anyway. Dealing with condescending, smug and rude staff trying to get a refund made me cry (at home thankfully, I kept it together in the shop). My daughter bought a coat 2 weeks ago. The zip broke. My daughter tried to exchange it last week (with the receipt) but they were horrible to her apparently. I thought it was because she was young or hadnt explained it. I wasnt expecting the attitude and crap I got today.

They "remembered her" and apparently took photos! I actually had to bring up evidence of my consumer rights and they still denied them. They tried to tell me I needed to phone head office. I said no but would wait while they did. They threatened to throw me out (I literally wasnt doing anything, even my daughter who will call me out said that. I used to work in shops and I remember how horrible people can be so try not to be). Somehow one of the staff did phone head office. She obviously expected them to back her up. She eventually came back to the shop floor suddenly all niceties and smiles and said head office had told her there was a faulty batch (of course they did) so I could either have a credit note or they would send the coat back to the manufacturer who would refund me. I know my contract is with the shop, not the manufacturer but my daughter was happy with the credit note and I felt like we wouldnt win that argument so we took the credit note.

I was shaking but managed to hold it together until I got home where I cried. I have zero resilience. I'm now worried they'll be horrible to her when she uses the credit note and I never want to go in there again despite over half her clothing being from there.

I'll get over it but it left me feeling pathetic and weak and embarrassed. Shaking and crying and being scared to go into a shop again because a couple of women argued with me and were mean? Get a grip. A few months ago I would have taken the credit note and casually walked round the shop browsing there and then just to make a point! Just like my daughter wanted to do today. Instead I ran home with her sulking that I wouldnt let her use it today.

OP posts:
Valid8me · 25/04/2026 22:19

Im sorry OP, I have no idea what you are talking about. You say people might have lost interest by now, have you posted before?

Your thread title mentions your husband being ill but then you are talking about your daughter returning a coat??? Perhaps you could include links to any previous posts.

DurinsBane · 25/04/2026 22:20

Are you the poster who’s husband was sectioned a month or so ago?

AutismPosts · 25/04/2026 22:22

If you were someone on my previous posts who need support too, please feel free to post on here too. So many people are or have been in this position and you might find it comforting.

OP posts:
AutismPosts · 25/04/2026 22:22

DurinsBane · 25/04/2026 22:20

Are you the poster who’s husband was sectioned a month or so ago?

Yes. 😪

OP posts:
AutismPosts · 25/04/2026 22:23

Valid8me · 25/04/2026 22:19

Im sorry OP, I have no idea what you are talking about. You say people might have lost interest by now, have you posted before?

Your thread title mentions your husband being ill but then you are talking about your daughter returning a coat??? Perhaps you could include links to any previous posts.

Sorry. I was rambling. I just needed to say it out loud somewhere.

OP posts:
missspent · 25/04/2026 22:31

I remember your other thread. I hadn’t realised he was at home now.

wiwaprwfimh70 · 25/04/2026 22:32

Lovely no wonder your resilience is low! You've been through one hell of a tough time and you still aren't out of it x

wiwaprwfimh70 · 25/04/2026 22:32

Allow yourself to cry, don't bottle up your emotions x

Poshjock · 25/04/2026 22:33

I am so glad to see your post here, although so very sorry to hear you are still battling through it with seemingly little respite.

I have thought so much about you since your previous posts reached the 30 day limit.

I don't have much else to offer, so sorry. But please know that you are carried in the hearts and prayers of many people here and I hope your previous support team find you back here to offer better support than I can.

EdgarAllenRaven · 25/04/2026 22:37

I do remember your last posts… if he is not doing well, you absolutely must call the mental health team. You can do this discreetly and ask them to check on him, without saying you called.

They should be made aware that he’s threatening to stop the medication etc and really
hope they can step up to help.

Dontgoforward · 25/04/2026 22:41

I remember your posts OP, you have been through more in the last couple months than some people ever do and you are also a human with your own emotions, feelings and struggles. And nobody can handle this alone.

Who is supporting you OP?

The only thing I can think you may struggle with, regarding travel is if you have planned a hire car? Any other travel will still have you named as passengers so should still be valid as long as you have access to the email it was booked with or have copies of the booking information to hand.

Bigwelshlamb · 25/04/2026 22:44

I have thought about you a lot since your previous thread. I've nothing really constructive to say to you except you've done everything right so far and you've been incredibly brave all the way through. Having him at home again presents a new set of challenges and I hope you get the support you need. I haven't any good advice at all but just try and be as kind to yourself as a woman you love would need in your situation. This has been unprecedented and hugely stressful and you've done a good job and protecting your daughter and getting your husband the help he needs, just make sure you afford yourself the same level of care.

missymousey · 25/04/2026 22:46

Aww I've been wondering how you and your daughter were doing! I'm sorry things are still so tough. I really hope you and she manage to have your holiday, goodness knows you need it!

DierdreDaphne · 25/04/2026 22:48

Ah OP don't be hard on yourself. You have been through so much and you are far from out of the woods. I cannot imagine coping with one quarter of what youve been through. No wonder the snotty shop staff pushed you over the edge. It's not really (only) them you were crying about Im sure, but your reaction is not in the least bit surprising.

One day (probably quite a long tine from now) hopefully your dh may appreciate the extraordinary efforts you have been to to support him - though it will be hard dor hime perhaps.

In the meantime know that there is a LARGE crowd of supporters on here who are absolutely in awe of you and your strength. Please take care of yourself. You don't have to put your daughter's wants in front of your needs, and you were right not to today. 💐💐

Twilightstarbright · 25/04/2026 22:49

Still here with a virtual hand hold.

well done for sticking to your guns on the coat!

DurinsBane · 25/04/2026 23:04

AutismPosts · 25/04/2026 22:22

Yes. 😪

I was wondering how you were doing, I was on your first 2 posts but didn’t know if you had done any update since. I hope your daughter is doing as ok as possible

shuffleofftobuffalo · 26/04/2026 11:38

I’m very much still interested OP. I often wonder how you and your daughter are doing, and I’m glad to see another thread from you pop up.

I think sometimes it can be unhelpful for people to tell you you’re doing great, you’re really strong etc - in my experience it can feel a bit like you’re being told you need to absorb and absorb and absorb.

So I’m sending you a virtual hug and a cup of tea and a listening ear. I think your husband should be extremely thankful - I know he probably lacks the insight to be so just now.

I reckon getting away on holiday would be good for you and your daughter and he definitely, specifically should not come (not the current will he won’t he situation). If your original plan is starting to feel overwhelming - could you replan and do something a bit different? As an example from my own life, I was extremely overwhelmed a couple of years ago with work and I’d booked a holiday to Morocco, once it came round I was filled with trepidation about navigating all the busyness of Marrakesh I was reading about so I cancelled and rebooked a quieter more beachy trip instead.

AutismPosts · Today 07:25

Am I being selfish?

We'd booked over 3 weeks interrailing in Europe in Aug just before he got ill.

His anxiety is through the roof right now. He has accepted he wont be in a state to do it. I told him that I will take my daughter alone. He broke down. He says the thought of the holiday is a major trigger for him at the moment and that he wont be able to cope with the idea of us going alone and he cant have 4 months of worrying about it.

Things to consider

  • he has probably made some mistakes with some of the bookings. We'll be going over them tonight.
  • my sense of direction is appalling. I cant understate how much I get lost. I walked past our house once and got confused for a second where I was! My daughter's is much, much better.
  • I've never even been to London by myself.
  • We are doing the touristy parts of Europe. Nothing off the beaten track.
  • I'm a big girl. I should be able to catch some trains. My daughter is very sensible.
  • I'm used to train travel in the UK. We dont drive so everything is by public transport.
  • we've done the equivalent in Scotland and Wales. Admittedly, my husband was in charge of everything pretty much.
  • I will find it stressful knowing where to be and when but I do think we will have fun too.
  • my daughter will be almost 16. She's hardly a baby.
  • its not something I would ever chose to do in normal circumstances.
  • my daughter is desperate to do it and I think she sees it as a bit if a break from him.
  • we could simplify it a bit so I'll look into that but a lot of the trains are already fully booked now.
  • honestly, I think I need to do this to prove sonething to myself (and probably my daughter).
  • If I do it, I dont think my husband will ever forgive me or understand. But I guess, I can add it to the growing list. 😪

If it was just him and me, I'd accept that we have to cancel it. However, because my daughter is so excited about it, I think I need to do it for her sake.

I know I am disregarding his worries but I think it's ok to do that in the circumstances?

OP posts:
AutismPosts · Today 08:25

It goes without saying btw (which is why I didnt) that I would worry about him but his family will have to step up for once.
And they'll judge me.

OP posts:
WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · Today 09:12

Personally, I definitely think you should do it.
To some extent, he needs to take responsibility for himself, as much as he can. And he certainly doesn't get to control your life or your daughter's life, ill or not.

I think this break would be very beneficial for you and your daughter.

And honestly, the trains I have been on in Europe have been very easy and pleasant. Easier and nicer than the UK in fact.

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · Today 09:13

Also, his family absolutely should be sharing some of this burden!

JackieQueen · Today 09:50

Op you deserve every minute of that holiday, with what you've been through! You need a break, living with someone with mental illness is so hard. You will be able to relax, let others help while you're away, it seems to be all on your shoulders. 💐

BridgetJonesV2 · Today 10:03

I read your threads OP. Please don't take him away, it won't be a success for any of you.

Gently, I think you need to step back here and drop the reins a little where his MH is concerned. He's got a team of professionals involved, he's not sharing information with you so I think give yourself a free pass here. Focus on what you and your DD need, and let him take the responsibility. His well being isn't your burden to carry. From what you've said about him, I don't think he will engage for long (if he still is) in terms of medication and understanding what is wrong with him.

CannaeBelieveIt · Today 10:03

If he is being difficult about changing the holiday to your name, maybe ask him to cancel it and book a slightly different version of the trip yourself?

I’m sure your daughter and you would manage inter-railing in Europe, but if you are feeling worried and also after the year you’ve had, you could always make it slightly more relaxing? Eg Paris and then train to Nice for some sunshine and beach time instead of Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague etc?

I agree that you should speak to the mental health team. And explain your concerns and also that your husband would be very angry and upset if he found out you’d spoken to them.

ginasevern · Today 10:07

Go on the holiday OP. Your daughter desperately needs it and so do you. You could end up putting your DH first for the rest of your life. You could easily end up never doing anything or going anywhere because of his illness. People with mental illness always put themselves first and are very controlling. I know, I speak through years of experience. I wish someone had given me the advice I'm now giving you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread