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There's only one of me

14 replies

Oricolt · 24/04/2026 21:46

After a (happy?) 20 year marriage, my husband left us for another woman shortly before Christmas. I say he left 'us' because he hasn't just left me. He left the kids too. They are teenagers. He sees them a couple of times a month at best. An hour in McDonald's and drops them home. He does absolutely no parenting. He used to do half. I know I'm not doing nappies and bedtimes with grown kids, but there's still a lot. They have sports practices and social lives and pretty much all of my time is spent dropping them and picking them up. I do it all gladly, but I'm tired. Parenting three kids has been a 2-person job for 20 years and now I'm suddenly doing everything by myself. Up early for sports. Up late to pick up from a party. Parents evening. School show. This one needs new shoes. This one forgot about an art project. We've run out of bread. The washing machine door is sticking. The light bulb in the kitchen is blown and I can't get it out. And I'm having to watch every damn penny because we've gone from 2 to 1 income.

The kids have been so hurt by him leaving so I need them to trust that I have got this. I've got them. I can do it all and there's still fun and love and laughter in our home.

I work, and I'm a department head and that can feel a bit the same sometimes. It's my job to shepherd everyone and check they're okay and take the shitty end of the stick and support everyone else to do what they can. When everything goes well it's a team effort. When anything goes wrong, the buck stops with me. That's how it's supposed to be.

I just feel like there's only one of me and I'm stretched so thin. Just having a moan really. I'm okay.

OP posts:
OneBusyFinch · 24/04/2026 22:10

You’re bloody amazing OP! Honestly, if one of us posted that and you read it, what would you say?

be proud of what you’re doing in supporting your kids and for keeping everything going, both and home and work.

I would say though, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you have at least one thing for you where you have time to restore/refresh yourself. If the father isn’t stepping up, ask friends/family to step in for you at least one evening when you can go and be you.

Topbird29 · 24/04/2026 22:16

Sounds like you are doing a great job - and your kids will recognize that (even if not fully right now). Can you share lifts with another family for clubs and sports drop off/ parties etc?

Oricolt · 24/04/2026 23:27

Thank you both. A bit of validation actually helps!!

OP posts:
Smarvellous · 24/04/2026 23:35

Jeez that's a lot of hard work OP. I am in awe. What a dicksplash your ExH is. And after 20 years just to dump and run. Really angry for you! Karma will catch up with him.

Is he not contributing financially? Why can't he do more with the DC?

Totally agree with pp that you need to centre yourself somewhere in all this. Hopefully you can carve out some time for yourself.

RonnSeall · 25/04/2026 00:04

That sounds like a lot and you are doing an amazing job.

Can you arrange a weekly schedule where he does the drop off and/or pick up for certain activities? He may not be living at the family home but he can share the taxiing.

Also make sure he’s paying you the correct amount of maintenance for the kids, if he isn’t go via CMS and let them deal with it.

murasaki · 25/04/2026 00:08

You are doing brilliantly. And they will remember who was there. Do make sure he's paying , at the very least. Of course you're tired, do try to carve out some time for yourself if you can.

But they will see who loves them, makes a home for them, and your relationship will be fine, his with them, well....

Pistachiocake · 25/04/2026 00:14

OneBusyFinch · 24/04/2026 22:10

You’re bloody amazing OP! Honestly, if one of us posted that and you read it, what would you say?

be proud of what you’re doing in supporting your kids and for keeping everything going, both and home and work.

I would say though, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you have at least one thing for you where you have time to restore/refresh yourself. If the father isn’t stepping up, ask friends/family to step in for you at least one evening when you can go and be you.

Yes, and maybe ask your in-laws to help too. They should be disgusted at what he's done. If my kids ever abandoned their family (should they choose to marry when they grow up), I would offer to do all I could to help my DIL/SIL.

seriousandloyal · 25/04/2026 07:29

OP you sound brave and tough and your kids are lucky to have such a capable mum who puts them first. Make time for yourself because you are important too! Hopefully you have got some good mates to see regularly and feel a bit carefree with as most of your life is taken up by looking after others at present. Good luck, you have got this x

Oricolt · 25/04/2026 08:33

Thank you for the positivity. I think this was a rather self indulgent thread. I was having a moment.

Good advice, I do need to make time for myself. There hasn't been a moment for me for the last few weeks. I will carve out time.

OP posts:
Smarvellous · 25/04/2026 08:38

Not self indulgent at all. Sounds bloody hard work and a completely heartbreaking upheaval. Worthy of support as well as some time for yourself! Don't be a martyr Flowers

Can you insist sbx does/contributes more? Can you buy in some help around house and garden? You need to treat yourself massively.

LaurenBacal · 25/04/2026 08:46

I’m in awe of you. You sound like an amazing parent and woman. One day your kids will look back and thank you. Their father in the other hand.. what an absolute shit. Agree with others that you need to somehow make time for yourself. Do your parents help ? Could they let you have a weekend away and stay with the kids ?

SliceofTosst · 25/04/2026 09:19

You sound anything but self-indulgent!!!

Your kids are lucky they have such a positive mum.

Please give yourself a treat and time out for something special and have a regular 'me time' slot. I'm sure your kids will appreciate you would like a little time to yourself once in a while.

That arsehole needs to step up and have the kids for more than a McDonalds hour occasionally. Surely he can do occasional activities with them like bowling or something of their choice.

ARKane · 25/04/2026 11:55

Agree that you are amazing, OP.
Level with your kids. They’re old enough.
You don’t need to pretend everything is fine and try carry on like you can do everything.
They will already be aware that he’s a tosser if all he’s doing is an hour at McDonald’s.
Just tell them some things are going to have to give. They’ll understand.
I would imagine they are probably very confused and let down by him too and they might appreciate the opportunity to really talk about this (if they haven’t already).

MudRitual · 25/04/2026 12:01

You sound admirable, OP.💐

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