Please may I have a rant about mansplaining in the gym? And how to handle?

[harriethoyle]

Recently joined a new gym because DH needs injury rehab somewhere with a pool and my old, beloved, hyrox based lifting gym, can’t provide that. Had been at old place for 18 months and it has transformed my mental health (and my body!). So I’m quite sad about the necessary transfer as we can’t make two gyms in opposite directions work with one car.

Have been trying classes at new gym and went down today for a full body weights session. First time trying that part of the gym.

Was working through my work out on the Strong app and minding my own business when a man (wearing a woollen beanie hat?!) who was not a member of staff interrupted me to say “you can’t do it like that, you’re going to really hurt yourself, let me show you how to do it right”. The thing is, it’s a lift I’m really confident on - triceps push down on the cable with a straight bar - and I KNOW I was doing it exactly how my much missed PT has shown me for the last year and a half.

Anyway, I just smiled and said “I’m ok thanks” and carried on. At which point he got more insistent and repeated what he said, louder. I replied “I don’t need your help, thanks. Could you leave me to it?” At which point he huffed away and then turned about 10 feet away from me and shouted again that I was doing it wrong and I needed to listen to him. He then started involving other members of the gym and saying how I was doing it all wrong.

I was absolutely mortified. I felt like bursting into tears, it felt like every bugger in the gym was looking and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But I also felt really fucking cross. I don’t want my gym workout mansplained to me and I just really resented him spoiling my workout. I also felt cross with myself for feeling so pathetic and shaky but I’ve come to fitness later in life and I’m not wildly confident, particularly now I’m PT-less. I ended up abandoning my weights and doing an angry uphill mile on the cross trainer.

Firstly, grrrrr - fuck the mansplaining.
Secondly - any excellent shut downs if this happens again? I told a member of staff who asked him not to interfere but I’m now really not looking forward to going back and I’ve so loved the transformation finding weights have given me, particularly in my mental health.

Sorry. That was LONG 😬

You handled it perfectly. Absolutely spot on.

You are just dealing with the emotional aftermath.

Go back to the gym. Going back the first time will be hardest but the memory will fade.

embarrassing behaviour on his part! So sorry. Sounds like you dealt with it well.

Is there a women’s only gym you can find? Fewer arse-hats to be found there!

You handled that brilliantly! Go girl!

He was the one that should be embarrassed.

"You're LATE. I ordered a member of the big mouth, small penis brigade 15 minutes ago!"

(I actually heard this said very loudly by a woman in my office a while back and it cracked me up)

In all honesty though a firm "Please leave me alone" is probably the mature way to deal with it.

You’re all making me feel a lot better - thank you. And oh my God @MrListerSir that’s amazing!!

I think it’s definitely worse because it was my first session there - if he’d butted in once I’d found my new groove I think it would have bothered me much less.

Wanker!

A very loud “stop harassing me” and an “excuse me, this man is harassing me” in the direction of the staff is how I handle it .I cannot be bothered dealing with them, or trying to be pithy in my response, or strong and silent or whatever. So I’m just loud about it.

You handled it really well. At some cost to yourself, obviously. Bastard mansplainer.

Can you turn your upset & anger into fierce defiance, and go back and do your thing. You KNOW you're doing what you need to do, and no stupid beanie-wearing man can bluddy mansplain you. Turn that emotion into energy & lift heavy!

Or - here's a Gen Z solution a young person once suggested to me: film him.

Film him interfering with your set & shouting at you. Then put it up on some sort of social media and tag Joey Swoll. If you look at "Joey Swoll's" pages - you'll see he calls out the sort of behaviour you experienced!

You handled that so well. I honestly don't think you could have done it any better. I don't think pithy one liners work in reality - I think being firm and clear like you were is best.

I honestly don't even see how you can do a tricep push down so wrong that someone would need to interfere to save you from injury anyway - he's obviously just a know it all pain in the arse.

I usually issue a very loud, "Thank you random man for your uninvited opinion".

You did brilliantly. Get yourself back in the gym and ignore the hell out of him if you see him again. Absolutely GUARANTEED that other gym members think he's a wanker as well

Dear god, these men who won't take no for an answer 🙄 it's bloody frightening

Weights are just the best and I'm so glad that you're looking and feeling good 💪

If for no other reason than the hat. Indoors. While lifting weights. Knob.

I think that’s exactly it @Lottapianos - it was his dogged and increasing persistence. Just bugger off!!

@Dermatologically when I got home I demonstrated my tricep stance to DH who used to run a gym and work as a PT and he said it was quite correct 🤣

Like someone else said, I’m sure the other people there already know he’s an arse. Just turn up and brazen it out, he was in the wrong not you and it was probably very obvious to everyone there.

Well done for sticking up for yourself!

People can be pretty blind that the way do something is the best/only way.
You can just say that your way is a modified version your personal trainer gave you.
Clearly, you don't owe him anything, not even an explanation, but if he does not have the manners to take a no thanks, then a short appeal to another authority, the PT might do the trick.

Do not let this put you off. Keep up your good work!

Your new workout vest......

Hahahahahaaa 🤣🤣 I love this!

“What part of piss off aren’t you getting” would have sorted it. You handled it well with dignity OP go in with your 👒 held high !😁

On a related theme, I got a run-walk-run-repeat vest printed, primarily to alert people in races so they're less surprised when I walk, but it also has the benefit of preventing "encouraging" comments when I slow to a 30s walk break, which do tend to be from men who look like they haven't so much as run for a bus in a few decades which does get grating when it is a strategic and effective running style.
It does attract supportive comments from women who Jeff too which is nice.

What is the run walk run pattern please @BogRollBOGOF - I hate the treadmill but know it’s good cardio and it would be good to have a plan B for when I don’t fancy the cross trainer…

I usually have my headphones on. I'd go for "Sorry, I can't hear you," and ignore them until they have gone away.

I think it's important to be strong and honest in these situations, so not witty comebacks but getting to the nub of it.

"It's not etiquette to interrupt people who are in the middle of a set."

"You shouldn't interrupt people who haven't asked for your advice."

If you look up the Jeff Galloway method for more detail, but it's basically alternating frequent running intervals with 30s of brisk walking so that you don't get excessively tired.
I still tend to run-all for distances up to 10k, but for long or gentle runs use the run/ walk method to ease the impact on a frequently whingy body.

I usually run 60-90s then walk 30s.

Should of just said don’t care