Do you let your teens go to parties

Parentingjob · 2025-12-04T18:02:27+00:00

14 and over? And do they always tell you where they are going to be and who with? what boundaries do you have reg parties? Going out?

Pandorea · 04/12/2025 18:23

I have three teens - two of which are pretty sociable - the other’s a bit sociable - but none have really gone to parties. I don’t think their friends have them. They go to each others’ houses and to gigs and sometimes hang out in the woods where there’s a fire pit - when too young for pubs/ unable to secure fake ID.
Boundaries - were to know where they were/who with and 14-16 diminishing boundaries about time they were back. I did know their friends pretty well though and was fairly sure they weren’t up to anything terrible.

Original poster

Parentingjob · 04/12/2025 18:25

Thank you

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shellyleppard · 04/12/2025 18:28

My two sons are home bodies. Eldest went to a party last year and was home by 10 pm.....

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2025 18:28

Yes. Both my girls are very lucky. We live in an affluent area, where the ‘normal’ house has a gated entrance. Huge gardens. As a result, there’s loads of house parties, most weekends someone will host one. The kids round here are having a blast. Mine don’t always go, but yes, they’re allowed.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2025 18:29

I’ll always know where they are because I’m the taxi. Neither drink - one is 17 and wouldn’t dream of it, the other is 15 so I expect she will soon.

ForFunGoose · 04/12/2025 18:29

Yes , I drop and collect usually 7-11ish

MissyB1 · 04/12/2025 18:30

I have a 16 year old. He went to his first proper teen party at Halloween. We gave lots of advice about being careful with any alcohol, making sure he drank some water etc… yeah that all fell on deaf ears, he got drunk! Luckily the party was officially ending at 11pm so we picked him up then. It’s all a learning curve.

SwirlyShirly · 04/12/2025 18:34

My DS14 has been to a fair few house party type things. He’s quite a social little chap (where his friends are concerned at least!). He lets me know where he is, and what time I need to collect him or if he’s staying overnight.

CrikeyMajikey · 04/12/2025 18:48

Yes, from about 15 years. I drop and pick up. My DC have hosted a few parties too. I think it’s a good idea to have some relatively controlled access to alcohol before heading of to uni, which seems to be endless nights out and drinking.

ConnieHeart · 04/12/2025 19:24

Yes, my dd2 has been to a couple of house parties. The last one, we chose 2 x litre bottles of WKD type drinks for her to take. Apparently she'd drunk both of them in the first hour so drank some of other people's drinks 🤣. She was overly chatty on the way home which was quite funny & didn't remember the journey home the next day 🤣.

Original poster

Parentingjob · 04/12/2025 19:28

So what age do you expect them drinking alcohol?

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arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2025 19:38

Parentingjob · 04/12/2025 19:28

So what age do you expect them drinking alcohol?

round my way, most start around 15. Some before. But as far as I can tell there are more children now who say no thanks than when I was the same age in the 90s.

KittyFinlay · 04/12/2025 19:56

I would, but my SD isn't really the sort for parties. I'd say a midnight pick up is more than fair. Re drinking, I'm not sure you can really control it. If they want to drink, they will. The first time my brother got drunk, he and his friends had heard rumours of a bar that would serve anyone, and off they went, telling the parents they were all at each other's houses. Coincidentally, my parents were having a big house party on the same night. The shame of arriving home totally trollied, to be faced with all our elderly relatives and family friends, was enough to put him off for a few more years. He was about 15. My Dad quietly but firmly told him to go to bed and no more was said about it. 😂

turkeyboots · 04/12/2025 20:36

Not under 16 for unsupervised parties with drink. Over 16 I'm more flexible, but DD managed to break her ankle at one, so poor DS may have to wait til hes even older.

Justacigarette · 04/12/2025 20:37

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2025 18:28

Yes. Both my girls are very lucky. We live in an affluent area, where the ‘normal’ house has a gated entrance. Huge gardens. As a result, there’s loads of house parties, most weekends someone will host one. The kids round here are having a blast. Mine don’t always go, but yes, they’re allowed.

Do you live in a Netflix series?

SellFridges · 04/12/2025 20:48

Parties seem to have started in year 10 here. Not for everyone, but certainly within DD’s immediate circle.

Some kids have got drunk, most just have a couple of drinks, some don’t bother at all. We’ve allowed DD to take a couple of canned cocktails but she’s also blagged some off other attendees. She was very chatty on the way home from the first one, but that’s the closest I’d say to being drunk.

I take the view that if she’s shown an interest in going to parties and having a drink, I’m unlikely to persuade her otherwise. I’m a social being and regularly host friends so the kids see us having a drink and socialising so it’s a part of our lives.

My rules are:

must be an adult present
you must know the majority of attendees (it’s girls/boys schools here and they’re just starting to mix so they don’t know everyone yet)
don’t be the most wasted
stay together and look after your mates
i’d rather get a drunk call than have you do something dangerous

Crabwoman · 04/12/2025 20:53

15/16

I'll pick up before midnight.
I'd rather they they had some controlled access to alcohol before uni. I know they drink a little but nothing wild.

Original poster

Parentingjob · 04/12/2025 21:22

KittyFinlay · 04/12/2025 19:56

I would, but my SD isn't really the sort for parties. I'd say a midnight pick up is more than fair. Re drinking, I'm not sure you can really control it. If they want to drink, they will. The first time my brother got drunk, he and his friends had heard rumours of a bar that would serve anyone, and off they went, telling the parents they were all at each other's houses. Coincidentally, my parents were having a big house party on the same night. The shame of arriving home totally trollied, to be faced with all our elderly relatives and family friends, was enough to put him off for a few more years. He was about 15. My Dad quietly but firmly told him to go to bed and no more was said about it. 😂

😂

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IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 04/12/2025 21:27

My teens would be welcome to go to parties. Probably home by 11

Original poster

Parentingjob · 05/12/2025 06:28

Thanks all. A bit more information on my post.

DD is in year 10 and have started going out more. I normally ask her where she is going to be and with who, return time, We have location sharing on her phone. She is responsible and mostly sensible or so I hope.

She has not shared her plans with me yet for this weekend but I found out she may be going to a party. It is at a friend of her best friend and in the afternoon, finishing early evening. I am not sure she will share this exact detail with me as she may be worried I won’t let her.

When I was her age I went to a few parties, no many, only for a few hours. I don’t remember sharing every detail of my outings with my mum. I was sensible and was home at a normal hours. No mobiles phones those days so parents had to trust us.

How can I handle this?

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SellFridges · 05/12/2025 16:51

I’d just ask her outright. “I heard Barbara is having a party, are you planning to go?”.