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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old son getting too ‘close’ with girlfriend

64 replies

Siandlae · 01/11/2025 20:55

My 13 year old son is the funniest, loveliest boy ever. He has in the last 2 weeks got a girlfriend (they hung out as friends for weeks first) who is also lovely but seems a lot more forward than my son. (Previous boyfriends etc) They are in the same class at school although she is still 12. He proudly told us the other day that they had their first kiss and now jokes about them “snogging” all the time. My 10 year old daughter told me that they were kissing in front of her today ( which I’m not happy about as I don’t want her to think that this is the norm) and earlier I walked in to the room they sit in (downstairs room with sofa and TV) and they were laid on the sofa kissing with the lights off.

While I love that he feels he can talk to us about this and is comfortable at home, I worry that this is moving far too fast.

I want to talk to him about it but don’t want him to not want to talk to us and also worry that he will stop wanting to be at home and will just go to her house where it seems they are allowed in her bedroom alone. (His lockscreen photo is of them laid on her bed)

As they have only been together for 2 weeks, we haven’t met her parents yet but they seem more liberal than us (we are quite laid back by the way) and they are often at her house alone as they are at work. At our house, there is generally either me or his dad at home as we have flexible hours and have our daughter too.

I’m obviously worried about things progressing further at this young age but also don’t want to put ideas in his head. How do we handle this??

OP posts:
patooties · 02/11/2025 01:13

She’s 12. He’s 13. They seem to have quite a lot of freedom- I’d be putting some boundaries in. Before the horse completely bolts.

patooties · 02/11/2025 01:14

Twelve. It’s ridiculously young to be ‘in a relationship’ with ‘lying down / public snogging’. Twelve FFS.

Onefortheroad25 · 02/11/2025 01:20

Yeah it’s not really ok. My ds is 12 and he’s the youngest of 4. There were no relationships at 12. I’d be nipping this in the bud.

Ikeatears · 02/11/2025 01:25

I wouldn’t be allowing him to her house.

Morningsleepin · 02/11/2025 01:25

Terrifying, what if she gets pregnant?

RosiePosie007 · 02/11/2025 01:44

You need to speak to him about boundaries in the home. Lying on the sofa smooching in the family home isn't ok, and neither is it ok to be making his sister uncomfortable by doing it in front of her either. I wouldn’t be allowing him to her home at all.

MushroomQueen · 02/11/2025 10:09

13 almost 14 I can understand some secret snogging going on - was at that exact age quick kisses with a boy I dated 14-19 where we thought teachers couldn’t see us. But at 12!! No way at not on the family sofa or in the bedroom. I have an 11 year old son and atm has zero interest but girls have shown interest mostly msgs saying he’s so cute etc but snogging in the family space is be shutting that down

Spondoolie · 02/11/2025 10:11

Just say he can’t go round?

arcticpandas · 02/11/2025 10:17

Wow. I would worry about the 12 year old girl who's had previous boyfriends. What is her family situation like? She might have had sexual relations already who knows. Some parents are extremely lax about these things. My 12 year old and his friends (girls and boys) are still very very young and far from snogging and having relationships.

Talk to her parents now and talk to your son about possible pregnancy and how this can ruin their futures.

And ffs put a stop to snogging in your home with lights out!

Ivyy · 02/11/2025 14:51

So in 2 weeks they’ve gone from nought to lying on the family sofa snogging in the dark, snogging in front of a 10 year old and who knows what else when in the girl’s bedroom at her house. Time to put the brakes on op, if ds is allowed a gf at 13 it’s obviously going to progress beyond snogging and I’d be concerned about what they end up doing at her house if the parents leave them alone in her bedroom. Assuming her parents know she’s also had previous boyfriends by age 12 and they’ve possibly been allowed to spend time in her bedroom. Just my opinion but as dm to a 14 year old dd I find that worrying and a big safeguarding issue.

fruitypancake · 02/11/2025 14:58

Agree with others OP, I am fairly liberal but I would also not be allowing him to go to her house at all .

No5ChalksRoad · 02/11/2025 15:02

Onefortheroad25 · 02/11/2025 01:20

Yeah it’s not really ok. My ds is 12 and he’s the youngest of 4. There were no relationships at 12. I’d be nipping this in the bud.

This? Why be so passive??

children should be discouraged from characterizing relationships as “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” It’s your job as a parent to stop this now.

DisappearingGirl · 02/11/2025 15:03

That's really tricky because at 12/13 (year 8?) it's quite difficult to "ban" a kid from going to someone else's house, or to monitor what they do there.

So I see why you don't want to drive him away.

I'm watching with interest for advice before mine get to this stage!

waterrat · 02/11/2025 15:05

some strong lanugage (judgemental?!) from people here.

My son is 13 and in year 8 and has a girlfriend - tells me zlich about it he has briefly mentioned to his dad and I know from checking his phone.

There is no way I could 'stop' this! I can control what he does at home and usually know where he is but I can't say. 'you can't have a girlfriend' and if he says he is off to see a mate after school, he is past an age where I would check in with the other parent.

Have to say though Op this would make me VERy uncomfortable!!

I do feel they all grow up a bit quick - I don't remember people snogging etc in year 8 unless Ive lost my memory.

starofthecountydown · 02/11/2025 15:05

No chance I would be even slightly ok with this. If they want to continue being in each other’s company in your house, you’d be best to lay down the law. No lights off. No door closed. No ‘snogging’ in front of your younger child. If they’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks and it has already reached the stage of lying down and full on snogging with the lights off, I dread to think where things would go within another couple of weeks if left to their own devices. And if the other parents are complacent about this, then I wouldn’t let him go there. He has shot himself in the foot, from his own point of view, by being open and honest, but from your point of view, thank Christ. At least you can keep a proper eye on things.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/11/2025 15:07

OP, you have very clear discussions with your DS, based on your family values & rules.

You make it clear that 12 & 13 yo are not boyfriend / girlfriend.

She is welcome around but in accordance with your rules.

You chat to her and get to know her - one positive part of this is that she is in your home and you are meeting her

If you are not happy with arrangements in her house, you are clear to DS he can’t go and why, and keep tracks accordingly.

They are both way, way too young for this level of intimacy and you need to be proactive.

Crazydoglady1980 · 02/11/2025 15:31

You need to have a chat with your son about consent and that a 2 year old can not consent to anything sexual.
I would arrange to speak to her parents if he is visiting there, and discuss joint boundaries, as a PP has suggested doors open, no bedroom, no dark rooms etc

Juliajojo · 02/11/2025 23:42

It certainly is a difficult one as the more you try to stop them from seeing each other the more they will push back.
just try to find a way to limit the time they spend alone together, Even though he is 13 and she is 12 as girls develop earlier she is probably more mature in ways than he is. It's good he tells you things and not shut you out yet ( i'm that will come)
You might not like to hear it but you or his father need to have a chat about sex, he is a teenager not a child even though he may act like one at times, he really needs to be given condoms, hormones are surging in both of them so things can happen quickly the next thing you know she is pregnant. Him having condoms is not encouraging him but being realistic and far better than having a baby.

EconomyClassRockstar · 02/11/2025 23:56

I mean, I understand your concern but they're 12 and 13. They'll have broken up by the end of the month. That said, DO NOT allow a 12 and 13 year old to make out on your sofa. That's super weird. And, contrary to other posters, I would be reaching out to her parents to set some communal boundaries.

sunsu · 03/11/2025 00:08

I have to say, I had my first ‘snog’ at 11. Im one of the youngest in my year so everyone else was around 12 and me and my ‘boyfriend’ were pushed into a corner in front of our friends and told to snog so we did! I can still remember the exact corner, on the stairs in high school - cringe! But it was fairly normal then for me and my peers to be snogging. I also gleefully went home and told my mum I’d snogged a boy. However, there was no way I was going to his house or laying down in the dark to snog him - that seems very extreme and I would absolutely nip that in the bud. When I was eventually allowed boys around to my house there was strict rules and certainly no doors closed or lights off. I think it’s ok he has a girlfriend and they’ve snogged but the loose boundaries and other behaviour is quite intense. I’d try have a light conversation where you introduce some rules and make sure he understands and possible dangers/consequences.

Windmill34 · 03/11/2025 00:20

Sorry it’s a No No , 12/13 they are kids still
there Would be definitely NO lying in the sofa or kissing if front of people at that age.

Needspaceforlego · 03/11/2025 00:32

I think saying No could be counter productive and be a trigger for a spot of teenage rebelion.
I think a conversation is needed about respect, including respecting others in the house. Respecting the girl and his own body

I think he'd be getting told about the risks of STI and pregnancy.

Mydadsbirthday · 03/11/2025 01:51

I'd be contacting her parents tbh and would not let my DS go round.

My DS is 15 and has a girlfriend of about 8 months, they are not allowed in his bedroom and they're not allowed in our house if no one's home. Same at her house. I think my DS is too young for this relationship but there's not much I can do.

YourPinkPoet · 09/11/2025 12:46

Siandlae · 01/11/2025 20:55

My 13 year old son is the funniest, loveliest boy ever. He has in the last 2 weeks got a girlfriend (they hung out as friends for weeks first) who is also lovely but seems a lot more forward than my son. (Previous boyfriends etc) They are in the same class at school although she is still 12. He proudly told us the other day that they had their first kiss and now jokes about them “snogging” all the time. My 10 year old daughter told me that they were kissing in front of her today ( which I’m not happy about as I don’t want her to think that this is the norm) and earlier I walked in to the room they sit in (downstairs room with sofa and TV) and they were laid on the sofa kissing with the lights off.

While I love that he feels he can talk to us about this and is comfortable at home, I worry that this is moving far too fast.

I want to talk to him about it but don’t want him to not want to talk to us and also worry that he will stop wanting to be at home and will just go to her house where it seems they are allowed in her bedroom alone. (His lockscreen photo is of them laid on her bed)

As they have only been together for 2 weeks, we haven’t met her parents yet but they seem more liberal than us (we are quite laid back by the way) and they are often at her house alone as they are at work. At our house, there is generally either me or his dad at home as we have flexible hours and have our daughter too.

I’m obviously worried about things progressing further at this young age but also don’t want to put ideas in his head. How do we handle this??

In a similar situation… a bit at lost with how to handle. One one hand don’t want to crush their budding romance and on the other hand very worried. Feel like forbidding would push them away to take more risks and close communication but also do not want to encourage it. Keen to read advice from parents who have actually dealt with this and are talking from experience.

Nightlight8 · 09/11/2025 12:51

arcticpandas · 02/11/2025 10:17

Wow. I would worry about the 12 year old girl who's had previous boyfriends. What is her family situation like? She might have had sexual relations already who knows. Some parents are extremely lax about these things. My 12 year old and his friends (girls and boys) are still very very young and far from snogging and having relationships.

Talk to her parents now and talk to your son about possible pregnancy and how this can ruin their futures.

And ffs put a stop to snogging in your home with lights out!

This