I wish I was more low maintenance

[alltheleavesaredown]

Bear with me as this is style and beauty, but of course I know no one has to wear make up etc.
I have a friend who everything works for, naturally. It’s not about her being really beautiful or having the perfect figure it’s just about things which don’t “need” (yes I know) faffing with.
her hair dries naturally with lovely natural waves. Mine is a frizz ball if I air dry it so I style it a lot.
she has lovely olive skin and really even so she goes without make up. My skin is uneven and dark circles so I always wear make up.
her eyes and features stand out in her face. Mine sink into nothingness if I don’t wear makeup. (I do go for natural looking make up, I’m def not a contour and bronzer person, but I do feel I need something.)

her hair at almost 50 is still dark with a few twinkly white strands. My hair has been grey since my 20’s and I’m stuck (yes I know I could stop this But I’m so pale it doesn’t suit me white) in a hair dying cycle. Even my eyebrows are white so I dye those too.
Her skin is olive and lovely all over, my skin has eczema and is also so pale that people often comment about it, in “shock” about how pale I am if I don’t wear fake tan.

she has the kind of figure which is more boyish and she looks great in jeans and a white tshirt. My shape doesn’t work well for casual clothes as I’m more of an hourglass and need more structure and thought than just throwing on jeans and a t.

I know that people think I look nice as I do put in quite a bit of effort, but I’d just love to be more like my friend, who it just all seems to fall into place for!

I use a light fake tan on my face. If you can find one that doesn't set off your eczema you might find it less hassle.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Some people are blessed and there is no point comparing yourself point by point with her.
Work on your confidence.

I’m the same OP. I’m blonde with really pale skin and dark circles under my eyes. If I don’t wear make up I look sooooo shit! I therefore wear it every day without fail. It makes me feel better so I’m kind of resigned to it.

I know. Comparison is definitely the thief of joy, but my confidence really is fine. It’s more
about just noticing that to look how I want, I have to put more effort in than some others and wishing that some of the “natural blessings” had fallen to me!

Yes that’s how feel. I feel much happier in makeup so I don’t really begrudge doing it, just wish I didn’t “have to” sometimes

Oh I know
I have a friend like that. She won the genetic lottery! Slim, pretty, intelligent and the final blow is that she is funny and loyal.
I choose her as a friend despite all that!

I also have dark under eyes, pale skin and need to style my hair daily. I don’t dye it though and I’m nearly 50 - that’s something in my favour

I feel your pain. You can either keep going as you are doing or make gradual small changes till you find your comfort zone.
Skin, could you use a gradual bronzer rather than fake tan and only in the summer?
Hair, have you looked at one of the curly girl systems, have you thought of getting a stylist to really give you in depth advice about cut and style? I opted to stop dying my hair and got a short cut.
Make up, I switched to either no foundation or only a powder one which I can build up. Eye liner, brow pencil, eyeshadow and blusher give enough definition, but most days are as nature intended.
Clothes are where you can really make a difference, find the colours which work for you and for your skin tone. Find the shapes which work for you. Start with your own clothes then buy any pieces which work as a capsule.
You need to find yourself appearance wise, identify what parts you like and embrace them. I bet your friend really envies your waist!

This is me. I wonder whether someone like your friend had any idea of the effort some of us are putting in.

I've had to battle with my skin for years.

I'm pale but use tret and go swimming so fake tan is pretty useless. I've already got all the tips like wearing the right colours (although according to ChatGPT not many suit me, brown mainly).

A lot of is about being confident to go more au natural but objectively I look pretty wan and messy without putting in some effort and that's not really how I want to present myself.

I did find a good tinted sunscreen recently that has cut a step.

I think it’s worth spending time finding the lowest maintenance options that work for you. It might take some experimentation and research. Its something I’ve been actively working towards.

Eg rather than full dye I have highlights that look okay as they grow out so I don’t need to get them done often.

I discovered curly girl routines for my slightly wavy hair that are easy and reduce frizz, and have brought out my waves.

I really hear you on the hourglass (and in my case plump) rather than boyish figure, but Ive found versions of T-shirt and jeans that work for me. I’m working on refining and reducing my wardrobe to things that really work.

I’m experimenting with lower effort simpler make up, trying different things.

I found earrings that I can sleep in so I’m always wearing those without having to think about it.

and a whole load of self acceptance, working on that too.

your solutions may be different but I bet there are ways you can simplify.

oh yes and, as pp said, getting my colours done so I know what suits me was a total game changer

I’m with you! If I leave my hair to dry naturally and don’t style it, I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge à la the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons 🤣

Well, I wish I had your commitment to grooming OP! It sounds like you take good care of your appearance and probably look well put together. I’m not blessed with naturally perfect hair and skin either, but am not inclined to spend too much time, money and headspace on it. The trade off being that I probably look plain/scruffy next to someone like you. But I’m fine with that. You’ve got to find a balance that works for you. The good news is that no one - other than you - really cares what you look like and so you have complete freedom to establish whatever baseline you’re comfortable with.

All useful points, thanks all

My sister is a low maintenance beauty.
I could make Chanel look like a bin bag 😂

Meh. I'm also late thirties, pretty grey (also started in my twenties), have started getting wrinkles and unplump skin on my face, hair does not look good unstyled, etc.
I get up, brush teeth, wash face with water, let hair dry naturally then I put it up in a bobble, I wear casual clothes suitable for my lifestyle and which nobody would think either "what a scruff" or "ooh she looks great".

I'm saying that physically I sound a lot like you, but I don't let genetics control my choices. I am the mistress of my own life, and my own time. I choose not to be a slave to society's expectations simply because I value my time more. You can choose that too, if you want to.

If you don't want to, that's fine! But own your choice and embrace it. Don't choose to spend time styling and then complain you have no choice. You do. If you choose styling, embrace it as a positive which you are choosing.

I know what you mean. I have actually made myself much more low maintenance by focussing hard on skin care which has sorted out the unevenness and pigmentation such that I don’t need foundation any more. I have my brows and lips done with semi permanent makeup once a year so they always look done with no effort. So for day to day I now only wear mascara and a bit of concealer under the eyes. Also got my hair cut into a style that’s easier to style, I also have to do it daily but at least it’s quick. And I’ve switched to a capsule wardrobe where everything goes with everything else so it’s much easier to pick an outfit.

This applies to everything though. You're comparing yourself to one friend who may be very lucky with her looks, but perhaps less fortunate with her health/weight/financial circumstances/family situation etc etc. There will also be other people who look at you and think they wish they had the time/money/energy/drive to put the same effort into their appearance.

In situations like this, I think it's useful to count your blessings. I have a facial difference (relatively disguisable with makeup) but I would love my main concern to be uneven skin tone and dark circles. I look at someone like Katie Piper and what she had to go through with her burns and think myself lucky that a bit of concealer pretty much does the trick.

I relate to this, shit hair, shit skin despite trying all sorts of treatments and visits to dermatologists, hairdressers etc. I would love to not feel like I have to put makeup on on holiday or to have to plan my days around hair washing.

No words of wisdom to impart, but a show of solidarity with you on the fair skin and dark circles! I particularly hate it in winter when the cold makes my fair skin blotch. No rosy hue here, full on blotch.

We are our own worst critics, though. What really stands out to us about ourselves probably doesn't even register with someone else looking at us.

I think it is fine to have “low maintenance” days… days where you stick on some mascara and put your hair in a bun (or under a cap!).
And try not to worry too much about it… nobody judges you as much as yourself. I will still be friends with women whose eyes ‘disappear into nothingness’!
Honestly we are our worst enemies sometimes. :)

I know what you mean. If I don’t wear make up people ask me if I’m tired or unwell. I have no eyebrows. My hair looks like a birds nest naturally so I have to spend lots of time straightening it or styling it.

I don’t think I look that bad and have generally found my casual style with clothing, but I do wish I could not bother with make up, or just let my hair dry naturally. I can’t even smooth it back into a bun without looking like Ms Trunchball. My face/neck don’t suit it for some reason.

Maybe your friend is envious of your curvy figure?

Could a hairdresser recommend a product that you can put through your hair while damp so you can let it dry naturally?

And also, maybe you need to feel comfortable with not having to look like the very best version of yourself daily. I was someone who never left the house without a full face of makeup and even put it on if I was just slobbing at home.

Then some stuff happened that meant life got really stressful and hectic so I gradually dialled it down. The world didn’t end because I left the house bare-faced.

I let my hair dry naturally daily, and I wear clothes that are comfortable but still look good. I really can’t be fucked with sacrificing comfort any more (I don’t wear heels now, eg). I am curvy but I’m still able to dress casually.

Figure out what things you can let go of. I hear you on the hair dye. I’m 50 and only have a small sprinkling but it’s increasing - I’m probably not ready to be grey either just yet.

I still have things I’m working on - I never wear shorts or knee length skirts because I have prominent veins (and have had since a teen). I’m trying to persuade myself that the world won’t recoil in horror if they see my legs 😂😂

Age has definitely helped me. It’s not about giving up on looking good, not at all. But it is about letting go of the pressure to look absolutely great in every way on every single day. Try dialling some of it down and just sitting with it a while - it feels uncomfortable at first but after a while, it feels great.

Also I’m willing to bet you’re nowhere near as bad as you perceive without everything you do.

I thought the OP was going to complain about massively expensive beauty treatments every month and designer clothes....not the kind of hair woes, make up needs and general worries that 90% of us have!
Just accept that you are one of the normal people who look better if they make abit of effort and not one of those unicorns that leap out of bed already looking perfect!

I know what you mean OP. I feel like I have to do a LOT just to look normal. It gets harder the older I get too as putting too much eye make up on etc is ageing but if I don’t I have no contrast.
On some levels I care a lot less - will walk the dog bare faced with hair in a pineapple no problem, but for work, social stuff I feel that if I don’t make an effort, I’m invisible.

There are lots of us with you who didn’t win the genetic beauty lottery so there’s always solidarity 😂