When a colleague only wants to get a leg over

[TheCyanJoker]

Just posting to vent as I'm sad about a situation with a male colleague. I'm F, married, him M, has a partner. We worked on a joint project and got into the habit of messaging each other. I supported him for project lead and he got it. We texted a bit of banter, a bit of work stuff, a bit about our kids but mostly humourous things about our workplace. We had two walks around the business campus at lunchtime and an ice cream and that was it over the course of five months. Nothing flirty, just friendly, next thing is last weekend the drunken "I have feelings for you x" text from him. So, so gutted. I told him not to be daft, we're just friends. Now he's " hurt and angry at his behavior and letting.me and his partner down" and essentially doesn't want to talk to me at the moment outside of work things. Honestly fucking men. I really thought this one was different and I'm gutted cos I miss the banter and just feel so damn used.

People suck. Sorry for you.

Now he's " hurt and angry at his behavior and letting.me and his partner down"

• correct he has but the ‘woe is me’ is just a prompt for you to say no, all good and excuse his pathetic behaviour. Hope you didn’t. Anything said in a drunken text is just 💩

and essentially doesn't want to talk to me at the moment outside of work things.

• probably for the best. Suspect he had problems at home and using you as a distraction.

No I've been firm but I've had to be polite and respectful and it's been horrendous. I badly want to tear him a new one but I work with him and can't afford to burn any bridges, or have him turn the tables on me.

Yes he's probably more annoyed that his distraction is gone now more than anything. The drunken text is just so pathetic.

Why have you assumed he just wants "a leg over" from that?? Is it inconceivable he actually has developed feelings like he said?

They’re both in relationships with other people. Op hasn’t flirted or encouraged him to think there’s anything beyond a working relationship.

To confess to feelings out of the blue in a drunken text is really inappropriate. Particularly inappropriate to punish her at work because of his own behaviour.

Men always make themselves to be the victim

We're same level now

Oh yeah it's far from ideal, but he'd hardly be the first married person to fall for someone else.

Sorry I just thought it was a bit mean to assume he just wants a leg over and wasn't sincere.

He has a partner, they've been together about a year.

I feel like he wanted to let over because I never made him think anything was wrong in my marriage or that I wanted more from our work friendship. It feels like he was just seeing if I'd be up for something casual.

In work we are the same level now, I was more senior first for about a month. Age wise I'm older by five years.
Yes it was very inappropriate. Even if he has so called feelings he should keep them to himself.

What did he expect me to do with that information? Oh let me leave my husband and head off with someone I barely know!!

I was

I am not sure to be honest

This is exactly it. I hate being made feel bad because of his behavior. He can't even be civil now. I wished him a good weekend following sign off on a piece of work we just did and no response. Just unreal.

I'd not message at all. I'd be irritated at his lack of professionalism and the fact that he's been stupid and would keep all communication about the job.

I wouldn't wish him a good weekend or anything else from now on. And I'd be pretty cool in how I spoke him to make it clear I wanted none of him.

Yep and this is what I feel he wants me to do now. He's tried it out, it didn't work now he's like jog on and pretend you don't know me so I can save my precious ego. Unbelievable lack of professionalism at minimum.

@NEGUY82 "Sorry I just thought it was a bit mean to assume he just wants a leg over and wasn't sincere."

Yeah right, and pigs might fly. You don't know much about men do you.

I am one 😂

You should be more clued up about your own sex class then and their attitude towards women. The OP is married and has given this bloke zero vibes. He's married too but obviously gagging to shit on his wife. And now he's throwing his toys out the pram cos his ginormous ego is bruised. Classic stuff. Read up on male entitlement, might do you some good.

What on earth is going on with @Easttoday ’s posts - SIX deletions?!