Just had enough

[Brokenmummy862]

Feel like I have finally reached the end of my tether. Feel like a lot of this is my fault for allowing the behaviours to happen for so long.

I have supported husband's interests for all our relationship being flexible, working around his events, picking up slack. Fast forward 20 years and now have two children they are both heavily involved in an interest that is also very much shared with him. I'm also involved but low level.

My issue is I am now left with all life admin and chores. I've gradually picked up so much slack I have it all. He does very little chore wise - cleans up after evening meal. Nothing to maintain/improve house, no effort in relationship, no life admin, no food shopping, no planning no extended family effort. Now it's got to the point where if I ask for any help from him or the kids they just do a crap job or moan so much it exhausts me.

I have definitely hit a wall. Where do I go from here?

You have a proper family discussion. Now you’re older, kids, it’s time to start helping out - and you need to learn some of this stuff to help you as you grow up. It’s not fair for one adult to carry three other perfectly capable people, and time to split the chores.

It would be perfectly fine to make pocket money etc reliant on doing assigned jobs.

Doing a crap job is either deliberate or lack of skills but stick at it and they’ll get better.

How old are DC? Do you work?

Tell them you're tired of being their dogsbody.
Stop doing things for them. (Eg. their laundry)
Go away for a break without them.
Stop picking up slack. Let them fail.

Pack your bag. Go off somewhere for a decent period of time. Leave them to their shit. If they are remorseful maybe there’s a chance of turning it around. If not, you’re done. Get your finances in order.

No

Your DC have obviously taken their cue ftom their father OP: you are the families dogsbody, there to maintain their life style. I'm really sorry.

You really need to sit down as a family and tell them you are not prepared to put up with the current situation. That you are going to start putting your own needs and happiness first. And do exactly that. You have put in enough years in their service to have earned a life of your own.
But you need to be strong and not fall back into facilitating their treatment of you.

Sounds to me like the first thing you need to do is get your husband on side, tell him how you feel and the effect it's having on you and your relationship, once (and hopefully he does) understand and steps up you need to approach the kids as a team and set the rules...you both have to enforce them for it to work.

Stop doing it all. How old are your kids? If teens then they need to help out too. Even if younger they can still pitch in. Tell them you've had enough and that everyone needs to do their share. You have to stick to not doing everything though or nothing will change.

Get them told!!! Then have a few days away by yourself.