Want to separate but unable to afford a place to live - anyone been through this and found a solution?

[LemonsAgain]

So the relationship has been over for a long time and we are both miserable.
I am a SAHM to our pre-school aged children so I have no income of my own and I’ve been living off my savings which have now all gone.
We have a mortgage together which I would not be able to afford alone even if I got a job as I’d only be able to get a part-time job, probably at minimum wage.
If we sold the house, I’d prob get around £10k for my share of the equity.
Renting doesn’t seem to be an option either as estate agents/landlords seem to want you to be earning a certain amount of money before they’d even consider you as a tenant. I could potentially apply for UC but landlords don’t seem to like that either.
So what do I do? Are there any other options for me that I’ve overlooked?
I can’t see a way out of this situation at the moment and am feeling very trapped.

The new renters rights act prohibits landlords from discriminating against benefit claimants, though I guess they could make a different excuse as to why not to rent to you. I would formally separate, put in an application for child maintenance and check your benefits eligibility so that at least you know what your income would be. Then you can start looking for places to rent. You can also play the long game and think about retraining so your employment options are better than part time minimum wage. Good luck!

Well tbh OP you need to be working, so the first thing I would do is get a job. Get the best job you can and one with prospects for advancement and salary increase, if at all possible. You have pre-school DC now, but you presumably won't for much longer if your relationship has been over for ages, so you'll be able to work more as they get older. Many jobs now are hybrid too, which really helps with juggling childcare and work and that's the sort of role I'd be looking for, if I were you.

Thank you both for your input 🙂

I’ll have to read up on the new renters rights act as things must have changed since I last rented.

I’ll start looking for work but I also need to get the kids signed up for nursery too as I have no alternative childcare.

Lots to get sorted!

Why is it that you can only work part time in a minimum wage job?

Their father can’t be working 24/7…….

I think the key is how much child maintenance will be received in the medium term

I think it can take time, sometimes years to get onto a financial footing to divorce and both be in a position to start again without depending on benefits. I played the long game and retrained for two years so I could get a better paying job, get a mortgage etc. And saved hard over that time.

Are you married?

@Perfect28part time will be because my children aren’t in school yet and minimum wage because I have no skills to offer and only GCSE’s as qualifications 🙃
@ItTook9Years their father works full time so won’t be able to have them when I go to work.
@UpDownAllAround1 there won’t be much child maintenance unfortunately, I’d guess bare minimum if that.
@dotdotdotdashthank you, it’s good to hear a positive story! What did you retrain as? I wish I had started retraining a year or 2 ago when things started going south!
@Stoicandhappy yes we are married.

As you are married you need to get legal advice. Good luck.

Oh. Are all jobs only for the same hours then? Because there seem to be lots around here that are evenings/weekends/nights. You both get the same 168 hours in a week and full time is usually less than 48……..

You would also get 80% of your childcare paid for by universal credit. There is literally no reason you couldn’t work.

@ItTook9Years I am fully aware that I need to work and your comments imply that I’m trying to shirk it. I have worked full-time in various roles for 20+ years and simply took a couple years out to raise my children.
Your suggestion of evening/night work could potentially work in the short term while still living with my husband but once I move out there would be nobody to look after the kids at that time as the kids would obviously be living with me and me alone.
I understand that I could get childcare paid for but I think it would be slightly cruel to my children to go from having me there every day to suddenly chucking them in nursery for 9-10 hours a day as well as completely changing their home and home life. It will have to be a gradual process that builds up in hours over a few months so no, I can’t just start a full-time role next week.

For those of you that have offered helpful and supportive comments, thank you. I have taken your suggestions on board 🙂

as you say you are both miserable have you had a discussion about where you both see things going from here?

Do things in stages if you can. The first thing is to obviously find a job. this may not be easy especially if you want part time hours. The job market at the moment is horrendous in some sectors and even people with very recent experience are struggling to find work.
It will likely be easier to move once you have a job.
You need to decide whether to sell the house. Remember that any equity may affect what benefits you get.
Accept that the practicalities of separating are not going to be to be easy but people do it all the time so will be possible. Do you have parents you could move in with temporarily whilst you find work and get a bit of money behind you?

Hi op ignore the naysayers who are implying this is a cake walk, it's hard going, I'm in the process of doing this.

Why do other women come on a forum to put others down.

So things I found helpful - my job centre, oddly, it wasn't the first place I thought would be useful but they have a work hub there, and I've had practical support from them and some encouragement which has been almost as important

I found citizens advice helpful too. Worth a visit I'd say.

It is hard starting out again on your own with young DC and a marriage breaking down, and getting back to work. Not impossible, but not easy either, because everything needs doing all at once and you're still running around after the DC.

Try to seek financial advice together that leaves you both with as much wealth as possible.

Help each other out if you agree on long term goals.

For example ..
Could the children stay in the home with their carer (you mostly) until carer has retrained in a career?

Could you both invest in a bedsit nearby and rent it out until you are ready to separate - then the non carer stays there.

Decide in what % you will own house and bedsit.

If you get along well, you might be able to accumulate small homes each and keep security of house ownership for the benefit of you all.

Op take the advice as only that
You owe no explaination
Working and childcare needs balance including for illness
A sensible employer with no added pressure or hopefully subsidised as you merge into the workforce.
Then tolerating work..your freedon as a single parent running the ship takes time..mental load, physical all of it
Also good support from good people who know you
I am sure once you step into life people help and support you.
You have life skills, all those and a decent worth ethic you can be trained...on the job. Work towards training of possible.
Visit some.child care places, think about what you want to do...never become unhappy and miserable for anyones sake in personal life or workplaces.
You are worth it.
You can achieve what ever you want as a parent because the child pull's you through the harder times and pressures of life.

Also have a look at local childminder groups on FB particularly ones who do pickups from schools or preschools you might want in a couple of years.

As a (newly) single parent with no support network, I've had to really focus on building a reliable source of child care

And yes UC will cover some but not all of the cost and it's not upfront it's after you've paid ime. It's just been another plate to spin financially because depending on provider you might need to pay registration costs etc, I've had to do a lot of juggling timings of payments

Your suggestion of evening/night work could potentially work in the short term while still living with my husband but once I move out there would be nobody to look after the kids at that time as the kids would obviously be living with me and me alone.

How is this obvious? Why won’t your husband see his children after you separate?

I understand that I could get childcare paid for but I think it would be slightly cruel to my children to go from having me there every day to suddenly chucking them in nursery for 9-10 hours a day as well as completely changing their home and home life. It will have to be a gradual process that builds up in hours over a few months so no, I can’t just start a full-time role next week.

We all have to do things we don’t want to as parents. It’s a hard employment market right now (and not forecast to get any easier). You might have to take what you can get.

He shouldve been giving you a decent income so you should only be eating into savings now you’ve separated! Tbh if he wqw decent he’d still be giving you some income considering youve been the nursery!

yes we are married.

your statement that you will only get 10% of the equity is incorrect. If you divorce the court will consider the starting point for marital assets as 50/50 and then adjust according to the needs of the children, and housing of the parents to enable them each to care for the children.

please do get legal advice as you are currently unclear about your rights as a married woman and mother of your shared children.

you have a very low bar in terms of your expectations of what your DH
s contributions will be when you split. Please increase your expectations and ensure he doesn't get away with doing zero,

This is why a lot of marriages limp on. I can only suggest that you talk with your husband and come to some agreement whereby you can live together amicably for the foreseeable future. Review when you are financially more stable. At least currently you have a roof over your head and your children have both parents. Being alone and broke is no picnic with young children either.

Could you move out and work evenings and the children remain with dad at night? Then you have them in the day with part time nursery?