What is a fair contribution when moving into a partner's mortgage-free flat?

[Numberwang66]

Hi all. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in June. We both live in London.

He is incredibly fortunate to own his flat and has no mortgage. Just bills and a very hefty service charge that crops up every 4 months or so.

We are due to have a conversation about rent/payment. How much do you think is an acceptable monthly rate? He floated the idea of a rental payment, plus splitting bills. I initially agreed to this, but after a bit more thought I am now unsure as he doesn't have a mortgage to pay.

He is a super lovely and communicative guy so I'm not stressed about the upcoming conversation but any advice would be super welcome. Thank you!

I absolutely would not be paying rent. But I would split household bills (electric, internet, water, etc) and food shopping proportionate to your incomes. I would consider the service charge his cost as a homeowner, same as buildings insurance and repairs. Contents insurance could be up for discussion if you are bringing any high value items to add to his policy.

50/50 on bills and you need to pay rent somehow or else you are a female cock lodger ( Fanny lodger ? )

Half the bills, surely? I think it's weird that he wants you to pay him rent and profit from you.

Just split all the bills including service charge.

Even parents usually charge some sort of contribution to their grown children. If you’re going to be financially better off by living there it’s ok for him to be better off too.

I presume there are no kids involved and you currently rent somewhere so no ownership on your side?
For me there would be 2 options, either contribute a higher proportion to bills and service charge or equally share living costs but pay a very reduced "rent" of sorts to recognise that it is his home.

You have to be careful as you have no rights to the property so could leave yourself with financial risk if you are just paying money over into his savings and you split up. You don't want to be sacrificing opportunities for you to be paying a mortgage on your own home by instead paying him.
It's a good test in communication as you need to both feel comfortable with the set up. I'd see what his "rent" suggestion is and gauge if you think that is fair or not and go from there.

This. You should be sharing the costs of living there but he shouldn’t be making money from you.

Even if he had a mortgage to pay you shouldn’t be paying towards it without any interest in the property.

Can you invest/save the equivalent of a monthly rent payment so you’re building your own security?

I'd say 50/50 on bills, including the service charge, but no rent.

Or, pay an agreed monthly amount, roughly equivalent to half bills, and reviewed annually, so you don't have to do sums all the time.

Unless your incomes are wildly different.

What are you doing to make sure you have the means to leave, should you need to?

When my brother’s partner moved in with him she paid him half the rent that she had been paying up until that point plus half the bills.

So they were both better off by £X per month.

I think in this situation you should pay half what you currently pay in rent/bills. That way you both benefit equally.

But he is reducing his ‘living space’ and presumably you are increasing wear and tear. Surely he deserves some compensation for that? Yes, you are splitting the bills, but they will go up proportionately - more heat/ light, water, council tax. So that’s surely only fair?

If this were a man moving in with a woman, would he be expected to live rent free?

If he’s a good guy I am sure you can come to mutually agreeable amount and you’ll both be better off - not just you as you will be saving rent.

As PPs have said, I'd be very wary of helping him with his bills for any length of time, leading to a situation where you have no asset of your own, while his is appreciating.

Obviously you need to pay your way while you live in his flat, but I wouldn't be happy if that was more than a temporary arrangement.

Id 100% be paying some rent, but perhaps not as much as now. Otherwise you’ll be the one making money from him!

I’d split all the bills down the middle / proportionate to incomes, and pay maybe half of the rent you’re paying now.

You’ll get people saying it’s unfair you should pay anything but I think it would be fair. In London it would be absolute minimum of £1000/m for room and bills so maybe £700 all in and he can put that towards the service charge. Then split food.

What’s the fortunate reason he owns his flat? Inheritance?

Half the bills/ food / service charge seems fair. I appreciate service charge is hefty but it is a cost of the property. You could pay an 1/8 of service charge monthly and call that rent and he covers service charge when it comes up?

NO WAY should you pay anything labeled “rent.”

By all means find a solution to splitting the bills. Of course if you like a superheated home (or he does) & you do not, one or other of you will be subsidizing t’other.

If he drinks expensive wine with dinner & you drink water … you’ll be subsidizing him. It’s a minefield to strike fair proportions of bills.

Wearing my life’s wisdom hat …. Make sure you save or have a contingency account (or plan) in case your relationship turns sour. You are entering a very vulnerable situation.

I don’t care what anyone says, every woman should have a rainy day bale out £££ fund.

So after a period of time op shouldn’t have to contribute anything to living costs?

@Numberwang66 Sounds like by ‘rent’ he might mean a proportion of the services charge/ground rent, in addition to splitting the bills fairly. I do think that’s fair, as you will be benefiting from the services rendered. You are also benefiting from the fact that your chosen partner is mortgage-free, otherwise you may have to pay much more ‘rent!’ Hopefully, you will both have a similar disposable income.
One other important consideration is to have a discussion with him about something else that needs to be split fairly-household labour. So many women end up doing much much more housework.

But she’ll be making money from him by no longer having to pay rent.

Men who move into their partners house and live rent free are called cocklodgers on here

I don't think they are. A cocklodger is a man who moves in and doesn't contribute anything finacially or practically. I don't think a man paying his share of bills and food and doing his share of chores gets called a cocklodger, even on MN.

No, after a period of time they should be moving towards owning something OP can have a share in.

my experience is that it’s made very clear that men should pay some form of rent and to expect to live rent free is poor behaviour.

its pretty consistent, however when a woman moves in opinions are more split

I would say start with 50% of bills including service charge. Then work out how much better off you are (ie how much money you're saving by living with him), half that and give half to him. You should each be better off by an equal amount, both benefiting without profiting off the other.

This only works on the assumption that your salaries are roughly equal. If he earns 6 figures while you're on NMW it's a different conversation.

Of course you should pay rent. You will benefit by much cheaper living situation so he should also benefit. I’d look at how much you are going to save yourself and pay a bit less than half depending on his flat.
Then half the bills. He should pay for any repairs and maintenance.
You should also sign a cohabitation agreement. It’s so much easier to talk about these
things before you move in. Really try and think of everything that might come up and work out a time when you both agree to look at the situation again.
Maybe schedule in a date in a couple of years then you can have another look at how much you pay.
It’s wrong to think that because he owns his own flat you should benefit from that but that he shouldn’t benefit from you moving in.
If you were male the answers to your OP would all be banging on about cock lodgers.