Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I wrong for giving in and agreeing to split?

164 replies

ralsta · 05/05/2026 15:20

Am I being silly to have ended things?

for context I’m a mum to 2 young children and I’m self employed so very busy!

I started seeing someone last October and it has been going well. I voiced my concerns about not having much free time and he assured me it was fine I was ‘worth it’

fast forward to the weekend, I was due to go round his on Saturday night but I had a very long day at work, didn’t get home until 7:30pm and by the time I’d have got my things together and drove to his it would have been after 9pm so I said I was staying home. He was really annoyed, said I’d messed him around and hardly spoke to me for the rest of the weekend. I told him I didn’t like how he seemed to have sulked/gone in a mood with me for something so small

he then told me he’s reflected and he wants someone who is more available and has more free time…I feel like he didn’t like me for me and just wanted someone for company

am I wrong for just backing down and saying ‘okay, wish you the best’ etc

OP posts:
coulditbeme2323 · 05/05/2026 15:22

To be honest you were rude.

ClaireEclair · 05/05/2026 15:24

Did you tell him in advance you wouldn’t be coming around or was this after you finished your work? If it was me and the person I was seeing told me at the last minute they wouldn’t be coming around I would be hurt. It would make me feel like I wasn’t important enough for them to consider me in their plans or that they considered my own evening. I could have arranged something else to do instead of waiting around for them.

When my DH and I first met we would still meet up after a long day at work. Sometimes it would involve just vegging in front of the TV but we were still spending time with each other.

SmallBlondeMum · 05/05/2026 15:28

Are you wrong?
It wasn't your choice, he dumped you.

I think you need to try to understand his point of view as it seems he was quite justified in his reaction to you not turning up on Saturday night.

Hito · 05/05/2026 15:28

If I had planned my Saturday night around seeing someone and last minute they bailed, I'd be pissed off too. And because of that lack of respect I'd have binned you.

outerspacepotato · 05/05/2026 15:30

He's found he wants someone who will make seeing him their priority and you just are too busy. You worked until 1930. You were too tired and he didn't care. He sounds like a selfish dick, but he can want someone who is more available. Your business and your kids aren't going anywhere.

And if he's decided to end the relationship, it's not like you can stay in one with him by yourself.

You're incompatible.

coulditbeme2323 · 05/05/2026 15:31

outerspacepotato · 05/05/2026 15:30

He's found he wants someone who will make seeing him their priority and you just are too busy. You worked until 1930. You were too tired and he didn't care. He sounds like a selfish dick, but he can want someone who is more available. Your business and your kids aren't going anywhere.

And if he's decided to end the relationship, it's not like you can stay in one with him by yourself.

You're incompatible.

He doesn't sound like that at all!

Putitinanenvelope · 05/05/2026 15:32

What choice did you have, you can’t make him go out with you. I’m sure that he did like you otherwise he wouldn’t have given the relationship a good try. I’m guessing it’s the reality of the situation that has hit him, obviously your priority is your children, then earning a living, then needing some time for yourself to decompress not much left for him. Then you bailed on your arangement to get together at the last minute, it’s the nail in the coffin for the relationship as far as he is concerned.
You haven’t done anything wrong but neither has he, based on what you have said here, it’s just not the right relationship for either of you at the moment.

Rooroobear · 05/05/2026 15:32

If you told him you weren’t bothering when you finished work I’d have been upset too. If you told him early enough that he could plan something else I wouldn’t be. If he’d planned his night around you and you bailed last minute and then had a go at him then, yeh, you were very rude

whywonthelisten · 05/05/2026 15:36

I can understand he was disappointed you stood him up at the last minute but it mainly sounds like you aren't compatible. He wants someone with more time to prioritise the relationship and you need someone who is happy to be in the background at this busy time in your life.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'agreeing to split' - he wants to split so you've split!

FurryWastebin · 05/05/2026 15:37

So you changed your mind at the last minute? I'd have been quite disappointed if I were in that position.

His attitude was quite crappy but honest. At least you now know and have saved yourself what sounds like hard work.

Livpool · 05/05/2026 15:47

He ended things, not you. But think it’s fair enough. He wants someone to spend time with. You cancelling at the last minute means his plans have changed to. Neither is wrong - just want different things.

FatCatPyjamas · 05/05/2026 15:53

"Am I being silly to have ended things?"

Well, you didn't end things, he did. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about that.

It doesn't sound like you were compatible, so chalk it up to experience and think carefully about mutual availability and needs when dating in the future.

BigGapMum · 05/05/2026 15:55

So you stood him up on Saturday . It doesn't really sound like you have the spare time for the relationship that he wants to have with you.
A couple doesn't need to agree to split for the relationship to end. Only one of the partners need to end the relationship, and this can be done with or without the agreement of he other partner. In your case it looks like your partner has made this decision. You are going to have to accept it and move on with your life.

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 15:59

Nah I think your response, 'okay, I wish you the best' is totally right. Let him flounce off, you can do better than having a needy man whining on about you not prioritising him.

You were knackered and he had a tantrum rather than try to understand that you are a very busy person with kids and work.

Sounds like he sulked all weekend too just because you didn't break your neck trying to see him.

His attitude of 'what about meeee' will only get worse.

SlayTheJAway · 05/05/2026 16:03

What are you on about @greatvisuals??

A man is as entitled as a woman to want a partner in life, to spend time with and share life with. The OP is struggling to find time for this relationship. It’s acceptable for him to decide it’s not for him.

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:06

OP was tired after a long day at work and decided to stay in. It's no big deal. He made it a massive deal and broke off the relationship. So sod him.

I'd be saying 'see'ya'then' in those circumstances too.

Coconutter24 · 05/05/2026 16:06

Am I being silly to have ended things?

You didn’t end things, he did. What’s the alternative beg him not to break up with you? You’re not compatible, he wants someone to spend time with and you do t sound like you have the time to give

its2025 · 05/05/2026 16:08

So it sounds like you've mentioned the lack of time you've had before?
And then you cancelled on him at what sounds like the last minute this weekend?

Possibly you cancelling last minute was the last straw for this guy - he obviously decided he wanted someone who had time to be more present with him - that's fair enough if that's what he wants.

Hito · 05/05/2026 16:09

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:06

OP was tired after a long day at work and decided to stay in. It's no big deal. He made it a massive deal and broke off the relationship. So sod him.

I'd be saying 'see'ya'then' in those circumstances too.

This is BS

She knew she was working late. At some time during the day she could have communicated to him that it might be possible that she would be working late. If she had said that at say 5.00 then the convo would/could have been different. It might have still had the same out come =. Who knows.

BillieWiper · 05/05/2026 16:10

You're clearly really busy with work and kids and he's saying he wants someone more available. I guess that's fair enough if he feels that way.

Was that the first time you've cancelled or postponed or refused a date which was planned? Either way he's said he'd rather part ways so you just need to accept it.

Not sure why you're framing it as you dumping him?

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:11

Well I think she's well rid. Who wants to be with a sulker just because you decided to stay in.

Can't he entertain himself for one evening?

Livpool · 05/05/2026 16:16

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:11

Well I think she's well rid. Who wants to be with a sulker just because you decided to stay in.

Can't he entertain himself for one evening?

It doesn’t sound like OP has much spare time to see him generally. Yeah, what a loser who wants to see his girlfriend occasionally?!

SlayTheJAway · 05/05/2026 16:17

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:11

Well I think she's well rid. Who wants to be with a sulker just because you decided to stay in.

Can't he entertain himself for one evening?

It’s not the one evening thing. They don’t want the same things, or at least the OP has less spare time in which to have the things.

decorationday · 05/05/2026 16:18

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:11

Well I think she's well rid. Who wants to be with a sulker just because you decided to stay in.

Can't he entertain himself for one evening?

Give over. The op was rude and disrespectful and then blamed him for her behaviour.

greatvisuals · 05/05/2026 16:23

decorationday · 05/05/2026 16:18

Give over. The op was rude and disrespectful and then blamed him for her behaviour.

Show quote history

In what way is being tired and wanting to stay at home being rude and disrespectful?