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Original poster

What is going on here, I should walk away?

63 replies

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 12:18

Hi all.

I've been in a new relationship. We been together for a few months so it's early days but everything had been perfect. We got on so incredibly well. It was natural, easy and relaxed. He asked to meet my family which he did. Plans had been made for me to meet his soon.
A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't feeling well (he seemed genuinely poorly) and something just felt off like he was being a bit cold with me.
He said he needed to stay away because he was ill which was understandable.
There's also the fact that he's had a lot going on recently, he started saying he was really stressed and needed space, the messaging slowed right down.
I asked him if he was still serious about us and he said a simple yes and but didn't really say much to reassure me. I kept being supportive but backed off.
That was a few weeks ago now.
Recently i made it clear to him that if he didn't feel the same about me anymore I'd rather we parted ways because I don't want to get hurt or string things out and get more hurt later on and I don't want to just be ghosted and left confused.
He said that wasn't what he was saying but that he didn't know what to say and wasn't handling things well. There's been no reassurance at all that he cares or wants the relationship but he wouldn't end it either.
The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. I didn't message him for a while but did text yesterday morning asking how he was feeling and still no reply.

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure but I also don't want to waste my time if he's just messing me about, equally he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now.
I didn't think he was the type to be cruel or to have another person on the go too but maybe that is the case? Perhaps exploring options with someone else and keeping me as a backup?. One of the things we talked about in the beginning was boundaries and that was a big one for both of us that we were not entertaining other people, he assured me then that he wasn't the type to do that.

I'm honestly so confused and I don't know how to make the right decision.

OP posts:
Tigeresslearns · 05/05/2026 12:22

The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. - This is your closure OP. He's an arse who hasn't got the balls to end your relationship like an adult. I'm sorry but you need to assume that its over. Its shit and all reflects badly on him.

PeeledOranges · 05/05/2026 12:23

Take control OP and end things now. He is clearly not interested but you don't have to wait for him in order for you to move on.

CleanShirt · 05/05/2026 12:23

Of course you should walk away. It's a short relationship, a large chunk of which he's treated you badly.

As PP said, the silence is your closure.

LeekFirst · 05/05/2026 12:23

he's waiting for you to end it because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Terrible behaviour and really cowardly.

Stripes84 · 05/05/2026 12:25

Whether its that he is keeping his options open or hasn't got the decency to end things with you, even when given an opportunity by you, he is not treating you properly and you deserve better. Block him so he can't contact you again. That's your closure. As painful as it is, it will be far more painful and a total waste of your time to engage/contemplate/make time for someone like this. I wish you well. X

TightlyLacedCorset · 05/05/2026 12:25

He's either 'too Mr nice guy' to end it formally.

Or

He wants to keep you in storage so he can dust you off, pick you up and put you back down when he wants.

End it and move forward without looking back. Even if you're ill you can text a partner.

And do NOT remain friends. 'Friends' to him will mean future emotional dumping ground, with sexual perks.

NovemberMorn · 05/05/2026 12:27

Get rid, because it seems he already has, but is too cowardly to be the one to say so.

SandwichSuperstar · 05/05/2026 12:28

He's ghosting you.

It's painful but you need to accept it and move on.

You're not 'technically' in a relationship at all.

winterwarmer8274 · 05/05/2026 12:30

Why on earth would you even want to be in a relationship with someone that hasn't spoken to you in 5 days and ignored a message from you yesterday morning?!?!??!!

Are you saying if he suddenly messaged you tomorrow you would forgive and forget?

Block him and move on.

Friendlygingercat · 05/05/2026 12:38

I agree with the others upthread. This is one to throw back. Does not have the guts to end it.

Hellohelga · 05/05/2026 12:39

He sounds too feeble to bother with. Just tell him you’re done.

ThisJadeBear · 05/05/2026 12:40

There’s no relationship sadly as he’s already left.
Terrible way to do it. But the meaning is the same.

TheBlueKoala · 05/05/2026 12:40

He's a dick saving you as a backup plan if his new love interest doesn't work out. Believe me- if he's not keen to reassure you and stay in touch it's because he doesn't give a fuck.

HappyToSmile · 05/05/2026 12:41

You don't need words to have closure. You don't need to know why or what ifs. He hasn't contacted you in 5 days, hasn't replied to your messages. ThAT is your closure.

Purplewarrior · 05/05/2026 12:42

Just block him and move on.

corblimeygvnr · 05/05/2026 12:44

If he is genuinely struggling ( doubt it ) but is this the kind of life you want ? Do you want to be someone's psychiatrist ?

Iaeve · 05/05/2026 12:50

If he does come back and you take him back he’s successfully groomed you to accept shit behaviour. Know your worth and boundaries OP and don’t put up with this type of emotional torture. End it and or block.

OneShyQuail · 05/05/2026 12:51

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 12:18

Hi all.

I've been in a new relationship. We been together for a few months so it's early days but everything had been perfect. We got on so incredibly well. It was natural, easy and relaxed. He asked to meet my family which he did. Plans had been made for me to meet his soon.
A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't feeling well (he seemed genuinely poorly) and something just felt off like he was being a bit cold with me.
He said he needed to stay away because he was ill which was understandable.
There's also the fact that he's had a lot going on recently, he started saying he was really stressed and needed space, the messaging slowed right down.
I asked him if he was still serious about us and he said a simple yes and but didn't really say much to reassure me. I kept being supportive but backed off.
That was a few weeks ago now.
Recently i made it clear to him that if he didn't feel the same about me anymore I'd rather we parted ways because I don't want to get hurt or string things out and get more hurt later on and I don't want to just be ghosted and left confused.
He said that wasn't what he was saying but that he didn't know what to say and wasn't handling things well. There's been no reassurance at all that he cares or wants the relationship but he wouldn't end it either.
The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. I didn't message him for a while but did text yesterday morning asking how he was feeling and still no reply.

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure but I also don't want to waste my time if he's just messing me about, equally he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now.
I didn't think he was the type to be cruel or to have another person on the go too but maybe that is the case? Perhaps exploring options with someone else and keeping me as a backup?. One of the things we talked about in the beginning was boundaries and that was a big one for both of us that we were not entertaining other people, he assured me then that he wasn't the type to do that.

I'm honestly so confused and I don't know how to make the right decision.

Major red flag for me is the illness thing. If you are in a loving relationship with someone you trust and who cares for you (and its not been just a few dates) why retreat if ill?
My DP was ill after we'd been together a couple months. He didnt retreat snd pull away. I knew he was really poorly so I wanted to help. In the end he came to mine and I looked after him. It brought us closer and he did the same for me later on in our relationship.

Aside from that if someone you are in a relationship with ghosts you for any amount of time its done!!

outerspacepotato · 05/05/2026 12:54

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure

Of course you can. He has.

You don't need some kind of official confirmation. He's distanced himself and then hasn't been in touch for 5 days. He's ghosting you. If you really want official, end it via text yourself.

Don't let this one back in, he's either seeing others or flakey or both.

JLou08 · 05/05/2026 12:56

It sounds like it is over. It might have felt to intense for him when you were asking if he is still serious about you a few months in and were taking it personally when he was ill and needed space. Maybe you were this way because he had actually detached, or maybe you are quite intense and needy and that led to him backing off. I don't know, there's just something in your post with you saying how perfect it was and lots of analysing what's going on that would have me feeling uncomfortable if I was dating you. Were you usually the one suggesting and arranging things? Were you often the first one to make contact? Some people like things to go at a slower pace and have less contact than others but also not want to refuse/ignore someone they do like.

outerspacepotato · 05/05/2026 12:57

why retreat if ill

That's normal in a short relationship, especially if they work in health care. You don't want to get the other person sick. And some of us just don't want to be around other people when we're sick.

Lairymary · 05/05/2026 13:01

YOU can end it. He's keeping you hanging. You don't need him to end it. Cut your losses and block.

FettchYeSandbagges · 05/05/2026 13:04

"he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now"

And if you stay together and he does this to you again... and again? Nobody needs to be in a relationship with someone who shuts them out when things get tough. You're not there to be his support network and it isn't your job to fix him. Please don't stay with someone who is not in the right emotional headspace to be in a relationship right now. Let him go.

You don't need to wait for closure from him, do it yourself.

Tablesandchairs23 · 05/05/2026 13:18

Give yourself closure and end it. Don't be a doormat.

ginasevern · 05/05/2026 13:21

He wants you to end it because he hasn't got the balls. Or he's keeping you on the side whilst exploring (or shagging) other options. You aren't technically in a relationship at all. There never was a relationship.