Am I wrong to say no to a major renovation move?

[Jamandbreadsupper]

My husband wants to buy a doer upper, I on the other hand can see the potential but have been through doing houses up twice and lived it growing up. I was all up for moving to a new house, ours isn’t finished but are about 90% done and it’s a good sized home. Our only issue with our house is the neighbours we have are horrible. Passive aggressive and is just a horrible person. We aren’t the only neighbours to have issues with them but at the same time we keep our distance and don’t see them too often.
Now my husband has found a property that has no neighbours but the property is a doer upper. Not just rewire and plaster job, it’s potentially knocking it to pieces, no heating, full rewire, septic tank, possible subsidence, the whole lot! And smaller rooms.
my husband works away 4 days and I’m stuck with two kids.
I'm now kinda needing reassurance that I’m not the one making the wrong decision by saying no to moving. This project will leave us with all our savings being spent and more and having to sell a house that is paid for.
I’ve literally had a mini breakdown at the thought of giving up all we have worked for when we are in a position where we can take kids away and travel without worrying about money. Basically we can have a life and enjoy our family and not spending every weekend doing diy and living in a nightmare.
i feel if we moved it would end in divorce and I would never be able to be in the position we are in now, ever again.

I don’t think you’re wrong at all. It’s all very well for your DH who works away so much, but you’re stuck with the children in the middle of a wreck. You’ve done it, you have a nice home now and the wherewithal to have a good lifestyle.

Poor neighbours are a nuisance and best avoided if you can, but if he really wants to move, tell him to look at property that’s already done. Your unpleasant neighbour might move anyway.

Personally I love a do-er upper and I get a lot of satisfaction from doing my own DIY.

However if I were in your shoes with two small children and the finances having to be stretched to do it I'd be saying no too.
Life isn't all about having a big house - being able to afford to take the family on holidays is a big deal to give up IMO.

If your husband is away 4 days a week no wonder he sees it as a good idea - he wont be living in it for half the time!

I would feel the same way as you OP.

Bugger that for a laugh op, stand your ground

“I feel if we moved it would end in divorce”

then you are probably heading that way anyway. So stay put, divorce kindly, and buy somewhere you are happy with.

My neighbour will never move unfortunately. I have had the conversation in the past to say I want a house that we can move into or minimal doer up ie. Decorating/ putting a shed up, and this is what he found. Maybe if it was our first house together when we were young I’d have probably jumped at the risk but I’m 45 now and feeling broken and the thought of doing it again made me physically sick.
I’ve worked hard and have bad lungs (probably from years of dust). He’s not had great health and he nearly died 3 years back which is the reason we haven’t finished ours.

Not for me we are 5 years after finishing a doer upper that was completely liveable in as we worked. Never again.

God no. We have done two project properties but both pre kids and we were able to live elsewhere. I'm never doing that again. Neighbours are tricky but just avoid them, it doesn't sound like they're blasting music all night or dealing drugs. Also you don't make money from renovation projects these days. Tell him you'll consider moving for a house that doesnt need work.

I love a doer-upper @Jamandbreadsupper and we do - virtually - all our own renovations, but at 56 and on our eighth, I can totally get why you're anti the idea of taking on another when yours is 90% done!

Currently we're living on a building site (18 months in), with no boiler, hot water or kitchen tap for the past year. I'm also experiencing dust-related health issues and really want it over now.

We were fortunate to make a good profit on the last one which we sold in 2024 and do
plan to move again when this one's finished (hopefully next spring 🤞), but I've told DH absolutely no more major refurbs.

You need to stand your ground and don't let him persuade you as it'll end in tears!

I love a doer-upper ** and we do - virtually - all our own renovations, but at 56 and on our eighth, I can totally get why you're anti the idea of taking on another when yours is 90% done!
Currently we're living on a building site (18 months in), with no boiler, hot water or kitchen tap for the past year. I'm also experiencing dust-related health issues and really want it over now.
We were fortunate to make a good profit on the last one which we sold in 2024 and do
plan to move again when this one's finished (hopefully next spring 🤞), but I've told DH absolutely no more major refurbs.
You need to stand your ground and don't let him persuade you as it'll end in tears!

Wow you’re much braver than me!
is it you or your partner that likes doing them. I would find it hard to sell once it’s finished.

It’s a selfish suggestion when you have dust related illness and he would be away most of the week so not living in it with kids. Zero point moving due to the neighbour when you barely see him. Stay put.

@Jamandbreadsupper We both have design backgrounds and enjoy different aspects of the process, but whilst my strengths are painting, gardening and making the soft furnishings, over the years I've done my fair share of pulling walls down too.

We've moved around lots - Hampshire, Essex, Wiltshire, West Midlands, Carmarthenshire, West Sussex - and I confess to being the serial Rightmove searcher, seeking out new projects to tackle. But our most recent move took us back 'home' - it was supposed to be the last move/project, but we've agreed the house isn't right, so we've decided to do this one then find somewhere that just needs new a kitchen, bathroom(s) and a bit of decorating. No more demolition, extensions or reconfiguring! Famous last words 😆

I personally prefer the doer-upper so, I understand where your DH came from. The only thing is you have two kids and situation is different with myself. And if I was on your shoes, I will prioritise the family first and comfort of the house for the family will be main priorities so, I would rather pick the one done up ready to move in property.

Doing up the house and going through the renovation plan and process is not for light-hearted and you should value the stress and peace of mind very highly especially when you have your kids to take care of. So, I would strongly suggest to talk to your DH about it.