Have another baby at 38! The good bad and ugly please.

[Kmc2303]

For months, I've been on the fence. I feel my family isn't complete. I have three amazing boys: 21, 12, and 11. But I just feel I have one more baby in me. I'm putting it out here as my friends think I'm mad. I've got my life back; I work full-time, and we enjoy holidays abroad. My husband is the most amazing man in the world; he's 100% happy with the idea, but are we crazy? I imagine a broken, middle-aged woman rocking this newborn, going crazy! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 some days I feel 30 other days I feel 50! Personal stories please 🥰🥰😍

Had Ds when I was 39. The only negative is when I worry that I won’t see his children . However , that’s only when I am negative . I would not change him for the world and if I had not had him at that precise time he would not be him .
I had my first at 24 and I honestly feel calmer. Don’t feel old or tired . I am 50 now and feel young and am more than able to keep up with him .

You said it yourself, some days you feel 50. With 3 kids already, this is just your hormones urging you to have one last baby before shutting up shop. I really wouldn’t.

just remember twins increases with age. are you ready to have TWO babies in you.

I personally wouldn’t with that age gap with your existing children.

But one of my best friends had her fourth at 39, when her children were 10, 12 & 15.
She has no regrets - she has the most gorgeous daughter, now aged 11, but she is honest that it was much, much harder than she had expected going back to the ‘little kids’ stage. She was knackered!

Also, now she is 50 with an 11 yr old going through puberty and about to start her teenage years, while her older children have all left home. It’s a lot like being an only child for her youngest and she sometimes feels guilty.

I had 3rd dc at 37-

negatives -
growing up was like being an only child as his siblings were almost adults
it is so much more tiring- the pregnancy, no sleep, toddler tantrums etc it’s exhausting
menopause and a teen is no fun
the benefit of having kids young was being childfree at 45
the cost
positives -
lovely relationship with siblings
on tap babysitters

Your ovaries are having one last hurrah and persuading you to go for it. Don't listen to them. Mum was going to do that and when she hit the menopause said thank god I didnt do it.
A couple of my good friends had late babies and had severely disabled babies. Could you cope with that?

Well on a practical level, I think you're mad too - but you've already had 3, you know what it entails, so that's up to you! But I've got two different friends with much, much older siblings, and neither are particularly positive about it. They don't have typical sibling relationships, because they didn't grow up together and are so far apart in age so they're not close, and they tend to feel more like only children (especially if the others are closer in age, which I guess is different for you).

Golden pineapple aww sounds so positive was he a surprise or planned?

I think this is the issue, I believe its my body just hoping for more, but I have to be clear im 38! And whilst I would love another I need to hear real experiences.

Windypop- our family is far from messy, very calm actually. Do you have any input?

38 is a very normal age to have a baby with no issues but I think you'd be mad to start again with almost grown up kids!

I'd have liked another baby at this age.

What I got was 4 miscarriages over 2 years. Every 4-6 months I'd be pregnant, get excited, then lose the baby at about 11 or 12 weeks. Then begin again.

It was really draining. And obviously your chances of Down's or something wrong with baby increase. Is it fair to the children you already have to risk presenting them with a sibling that has issues?

Particularly if you are not going to end up leaving them to deal with not only the death of parents, but possible care of a sibling with additional needs.

I had to accept in the end that my eggs or whatever were no longer good enough to carry a healthy pregnancy. I think with the age your children are that you should be grateful - and not try to start again with another baby.

Hi windy,

Since you are interested on the questions I posted we have a lovely relationship with grand daughter shes almost one and a credit to her beautiful mother
We cannot help the path he went down, the years my husband fought through battles we could write a book. But, our children we have always been protected, so in the nicest kindest way, this effects nothing only the money we pay each month to his mother. Which may I add we have always done. The relationship my husband and his son had was outside of our home due to issues out of our control, so if you dont mind I asked fot advice how my husband could be involved shes a great family who have made sure we see her.

I dont wanna sound ungrateful I am so blessed to have the boys we have! I just am in this " have another baby mode" it literally follows me around!!
My friends are well out of the baby stage and dont ever wanna be back in.

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage thank you for sharing as u make such a valid point. X

I think three kids is plenty to be getting on with tbh

I had my 3rd at 38 and don't feel at all old!! My friends who had three all had their last in their 40s

I think it's less about your age and more about your kids and life stage. I'm really enjoying my kids in late teens and I can't imagine throwing a primary school kid into that mix. Holidays, days out, meals out, talking about chemistry or psychology over the table. I think I would struggle to have enough mind space to connect with them at this very demanding bit also rewarding stage (there are lots of emotions and decisions - relationships, university, jobs, being let go from work, depression).

You also have to realise that the new child will need to say goodbye to their siblings as they leave home and basically be an only child at each lifestage for them, not going through anything with siblings. That'll be hard on the baby too.

You should really think about your current kids and the new one rather than if it's something you want. You need to prioritise them.

Although mum didnt have that last baby my sisters are still 12 and 15 years younger than me. She had me as a teenager and them when she got married again.
We werent close when they were children as Id left home but we are all very close as adults.
My youngest sister had her first and only baby at 47. Hes three now. She loves him but is finding it very hard as he's a fire cracker.

I think your fourth would be resented by your 11 and 12 year old, and probably not have any meaningful relationship with them, the age gap between a fourth and your eldest is such that won't have any relationship at all.

So you're having to entertain etc as with an only child, while also supporting your 11 and 12 year old through secondary school and adolescence.

The finances would be a challenge too - can you support your middle two in college if you're paying for child care for a younger one? As parental income is taken into account when student loans are considered, they could be really stuck if you can't contribute.

Less than 1% difference in risk of genetic abnormality between someone falling pregnant at 20 vs at 38, and less than 1% chance overall at 38. Just to put the risk in perspective. For childhood disabilities in general it seems the highest risk category is women younger than 20, the difference between women 20 to 34 and 35+ is 0.2%.

Imagine it’s another boy 😬

Hell no, I had 2 kids with exH, met someone else had a gap of 8&12 years between them and a new baby in my mid to late thirties and my god Its a hard slog. A decade later and going back to the baby and toddler days is actually horrific. I wouldn’t have done it if dp had his own child and I’m not sure I’d chose it again to be honest.

I agree it's less about age. 38 is a pretty average age to have a baby. It's more about the stage in life you are at with your other children. You are entering their teenage years, and whatever that could entail, whilst potentially managing a toddler. It seems crazy to go back to square one, but that is just my feeling. If your heart truly wants it then you will make it work no matter what.