Unexpected pregnancy at 42 while considering leaving my marriage

[ThatNewReader]

Hi all, not really sure why I’m posting this- I suppose I’m wondering if anyone else has found themselves in a bit of a complicated mess similar to me.

ive been married 15 years and have 3 lovely children. But I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for the last few years and have been slowly working up the courage to leave and taking some small steps towards this.

But I’ve just found out I’m pregnant- about 4 weeks. It’s a huge shock and I’m completely overwhelmed. It was a stupid accident- we rarely have sex anymore and had been using the pull out method for years with no seeming ‘slip ups.’ I feel so stupid.

I’m 42 so feeling pretty old to be considering another baby. My husband doesn’t want to keep the baby- he’s begging me not to keep it. He feels too old at 50 and worries we’d struggle financially- although we would be ok.

i just don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I can go through with a termination, it feels so upsetting to consider it, but I also don’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage for longer than I have to. Managing as a single parent with 4 children feels incredibly daunting. I’m also in a really good place in my career.

I would consider the impact this might have the children you already have.
Separating from their dad may be hard on them enough without the added complication of your attention being focused on a baby, and one their dad doesn’t want.

As previous poster said , it seems like you will be leaving your husband regardless and I don’t think it’s fair on the other kids .

It really doesn’t sound as though you are in the right place at all for another baby. Please consider the impact on your older children and also your husband. Whilst you are upset by the thought of a termination, with kindness, it really isn’t a baby at all at this stage.
It’s not something I would want for myself at all in your situation and at your age.

Take the tablet, don’t sacrifice your family on a mistake.

Why are you holding back from having a termination? Is it because you think you will feel guilty or regret the decision? Think of your children, your expected marriage split and yourself. Everything points to a termination as the best thing for everybody. I had a termination at 42 and have never regretted it. It's a very simple process and you will be fine.

I’m sorry to be blunt but why on earth would you consider continuing with this pregnancy under the current circumstances? It really would be a terrible decision imo.

This was exactly me a few years ago. Same age too. I terminated and we divorced.

Agree with all the previous posters that continuing with this pregnancy would likely be very bad for you and your children. The other thing to consider is that you are much less likely to have a straightforward pregnancy at 42. Your situation is already challenging and would be so much more difficult if you were to have a baby born with additional needs. You are really fortunate that you have found out so early.

There's really no good reason to have a baby under the circumstances you are in. Head over heart IMO.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. It really is a head vs heart decision. For lots of reasons it would be a bad decision to continue- things feel difficult and complicated enough. I did have a termination about 15 years ago and found it really upsetting and I had a lot of regrets. It took a long time to recover. I suppose I’m scared of the same thing happening again. But your right to remind me to think of my three children and the disruption it could bring to them. I’m so sad and cross with myself for letting it happen again.

I just can’t imagine what would happen if you go ahead with the pregnancy and you do separate. You say your husband is so against this child but he would, I assume, want to have contact with your other 3 children, how would that work going forward? Very difficult situation you’re in OP. I really feel for you.

I recall reading that most terminations are by women who already have children. I found that fascinating. These are women who you might think are capable of taking on another child since they already have at least one. Yet they are mother’s who clearly understand the implications of adding another child to the family and know they are not prepared.

If you do terminate, you and you husband need to find a better birth control method. Normally at this life stage that would be a vasectomy. If you are thinking about leaving, the answer is not as clear. In this case, you may want to consider a tubal.