What household chores are your teenagers expected to do at home?

[ElleJayC]

Exactly as the title says really. I’m trying to make some changes at home but don’t really know what the norm is - or if there even is a norm where teens are concerned. I don’t feel mine do enough (my fault entirely so be kind to me please!). They’re not lazy by any stretch of the imagination but I think we need to change the dynamic around contributing to running the family home. Wondered what other teens were doing so I can see where mine fit! Almost 13, 15 and 17. Boys but I don’t think gender should make the slightest difference. Thanks

My kids aren’t teenagers yet but at 13 I was washing dishes, helping cook dinner, walking the dog, taking bins out, vacuuming/mopping, cleaning the cars, putting a wash on/hanging it out/ironing…etc.

At 15/17 I was fully cleaning the whole house.

None of the above were considered chores, it’s helping as part of a family/household.

If you want to frame it as chores that must be done, you’d likely have to offer an incentive like pocket money if you don’t already.

14yr old boy. Strip and make his double bed weekly, keep his room clean. Daily: bring down the washing, sort the cat out morning and evening, make his bed, empty the dishwasher, take out the recycling. General help as and when I ask for things to be done: hoover the downstairs, hoover the hall, take the bin out, help put away shopping, cook tea (usually nothing overly taxing but he can make a decent roast dinner, usually pasta and sauce or bangers and mash simple food he makes) clean up after he has baked and pair the socks. Plus expectations we all have such as tidy up when we leave a room, washing in the basket, take up a basket of ironing even if it’s not yours etc

Loading and unloading the dishwasher, feeding and cleaning out pets, laundry (doing it, hanging it out, putting it away), changing their beds, making their breakfast and lunch, they each cook family dinner one night a week.

I don’t link to pocket money/allowance - that’s for learning to manage finances. Chores are necessary as part of family life and learning life skills.

Everyone (teens and adults) cooks one night each week including tidying up after self, others clear away after dinner. Everyone has one day to walk dog and one individual weekend job that can be done anytime but must be done without prompting- they chose themselves, one hoovers whole house, one irons all the school shirts, one cleans the bathroom.

Day to day everyone helps as needed folding washing, putting recycling or rubbish out, emptying dishwasher etc. Realistically I probably do most of these so teen time spent each day is minimal but they will always do if asked. They rarely notice it needs done though, I live in hope that will change!

Noone feels put upon and they see that everyone makes a contribution to our home.

Edit seeing pp post, to add everyone changes their own sheets weekly but I wash them to limit the number of loads we do

Thanks, thats the changes I want to make. Firstly, from only a few replies they definitely don’t help enough but more importantly I want to remove the chores/helping ‘me’ aspect and move towards a family living together and doing their bit. I literally have no idea how to do this though!

Ive 3 similar ages I get them to do the following

Tidying thier rooms, keeping them in order and running the hoover over.
Putting their laundry away, especially socks!
Putting bins out bringing them in
Bringing washing in off line.
Drying up dishes putting them away (i usually wash them because they never do them to my standard)
Helping with grocery shopping.

14 year old DS. Load and unload dishwasher, put away groceries, make and strip his bed, gather, put on and hang out laundry, cut grass, put out and take in bins. His dad is teaching him to cook properly this summer.

Do their own laundry, including weekly washing of their bedding and towels. I have to prompt them, but they do it.

Day to day they have split responsibilities for setting the table for dinner, clearing away and washing dishes / wiping down surfaces afterwards and keeping on top of taking out rubbish and recycling.

DS is responsible weekly for hoovering stairs, sweeping and mopping downstairs hallway and doing any small DIY jobs. DD hoovers the upstairs hallway, does some dusting and cleans windows. It’s not much really.

They both do other chores for me during the week e.g. get groceries from the shops, post letters etc. DD cooks for the family once a week and I’m teaching DS to make some basic dishes so he can do the same.

I was too soft on them for years but had a stern talk a year ago and laid down the law.,

Just sit them down and say they had the first 10 years for free, but now they’re teens they all need to engage in adulting. Chores are part of life and they need share the responsibilities going forward and start to take more responsibility for themselves.

Mine don’t do loads because with school, college, part time work and activities they are very busy.

However they do unload/load dishwasher, walk dogs and cook once a week.

In school holidays, they’ll put a wash on and iron if needed. We have a cleaner who does a lot of the household tasks though so there isn’t loads to do.

My kids can do everything though which I think is important.

Responsible for keeping own room clean (I do not insist on tidy; but it must be hygienic).

Cook once a week and clean up afterwards.

Change own bed and wash own bedding and towels.

Take it in turns to lay table and load dishwasher.

Join in family "house clean" on Sundays - we all clean for about half an hour so this could be e.g. hoovering or bathroom cleaning

General ad-hoc things as needed

we frame is as everyone being part of the household and needing to make a contribution.

How do you handle different ages with this one though?
I’ve got three, the oldest is 13, moderately willing but very litigious re fair shares across siblings. The youngest is 6, very keen but no actual help yet, so is DESPERATE to help cook dinner but that only works if we have oodles of time in hand (rarely…). The middle one lies low and waits for the big one to finish arguing in the hopes that all demands will have gone away by then. I want to eventually get to the point where each teen (by then) cooks one night a week, but don’t seem to be on the right path!!!

These are amazing replies, I can't imagine my DH doing any of this let alone my teens. I think kids should be kids, between school and homework I don't know how they'd find the time anyway. I don't ask mine to do any sort of chores or cleaning or anything, there's a long life ahead of them to do all this.

Assign one chore each, appropriate to age/ability. For example the 13 year old's chore could be doing laundry, the 6 year old's chore could be laying the table.
Same for dinners, my teens will do fairly complex dinners whereas my 8 year old will just do pasta pesto or beans/eggs on toast with light supervision.

Or in the case of your DH, a long life of expecting Mum to do it…

Your adult DH can't cook dinner or do laundry??

DS is 17 and he does his room including bed changing, the bins, helps with laundry, cuts the grass, does the recycling and hoovers. He does the dishwasher. Trying to get more cooking from him but he’d literally eat cereal and toast rather than cook.

I get the litigious fairness thing as we have it too, but I try to teach that fairness factors in capacity and is not about everyone having the same. Like sometimes one will get a treat when out with me, doesn’t mean the other has to get one that time, because they had one last time we were alone, etc.

Chores, 13yr old capacity is far different to that of a 6yr old. Just choose tasks that they are both capable of. I’ve found it helpful to ask what chores they both like. Learned that my 7yr old loves organising, getting the toothpaste all lined up nicely and things in neat piles. Then gave her a cloth and spray and she will do an ok job of cleaning round the sink etc. I get the heart sink when their helping isn’t that helpful! But you do have to see the long game and start somewhere. Like pps say, helping them see themselves as part of a team.

The bit I find hard is remembering to get them to help consistently. We go through spells where we are on it, and other spells where it’s easier to just do it yourself and I can’t be arsed having to nag if there’s resistance. Mine are not teens yet but they do always help with setting and clearing the table. Dishwasher when I remember and 10yr old cooks a bit.

Agree with this. I think it's a bit odd to make someone exist then demand they do your drudge work.

Empty dishwasher, lay table, get washing off line occasionally when asked; otherwise dust and hoover own room and change own bed. Aim was to cook once a week in school holidays but never got them to fo it consistently.

Carry in shopping, cut grass, dog sit, put out recycling, use his car to sometimes run errands, help call in siblings or collect them from local park if I am preparing dinner.

Both
Morning: Make bed, feed rabbit, make their own breakfast (yoghurt/fruit/cereal/juice) and put everything in dishwasher afterwards.

After school: Deal with bags, so sports kit into laundry, unpack books, musical instruments where they should be. Make a snack and tidy up. Be pleasant and appreciative if an adult is driving them to rehearsals/ training.
Lay the table for dinner if it hasn't been done already. Clear table + fill dishwasher after dinner.
Sort their own bags/kit/uniform for the next day.
Clean up if they have left poo/wee on the seat/in the bowl.

Weekend: DD Walk dog on one weekend day, iron school shirts for the week, phone granny for a chat (is that a chore? Probably not)
DS Clean out rabbit hutch, sort dry sports kit into correct bedrooms/drawers/bags
Both check bedroom floors are clear for cleaner on Monday morning.

Hols: Make 2 dinners a week - one each or work together.

At 11 years old I literally did everything bar cooking at home. Consequently I did everything for my two. One. Extreme to the other. Middle ground should have been the goal. Im a chronic people pleaser as a result. Fearless defender of others bt I cannot stand up for myself in any situation!

Mine are 13 & 15.
They do:
Cook once a week
Walk the dog once a week
Do their own laundry
One empties and fills the dishwasher
The other feeds the dog and empties the bins & puts the wheelie bins out for collection
(The last two lines they alternate monthly).

I sat the whole family down and said that as both parents are working full time, everyone has to pitch in. I asked everyone (including DH) to volunteer what they would be responsible for. When what they volunteered wasn't enough, I gave them extra, although they were actually pretty good as they have always had chores, this was just a reset and handing over more responsibility to them. I also listed out what I would be responsible for so they have visibility that I still carry more than my fair share. It's printed on a rota by day that's on the wall in the kitchen. Everyone has set days for cooking (this includes cleaning the kitchen after) and walking the dog.

I am also constantly re-iterating that they need to take ownership and just do the job when it needs doing, not wait for me or DH to tell them. It's an ongoing battle, but one that I feel is worth having. I'm training them up to be future decent flatmates and partners, and I want them to be able to see what needs doing and get on with it. They are boys, so I want DH & I to set a good example and set the expectation that there are no male/female jobs, and they don't get a free ride just because they have a partner.

We do have a cleaner, so I'm conscious that they are not getting practice at big jobs like cleaning bathrooms and toilets and changing sheets. I did teach them to clean the bathrooms during COVID when the cleaner couldn't come, but I think it's something they need practice at again.

Your main job as a parent is to prepare your child to be an independent adult.
If you don't give them these skills as teens you end up with useless adults (men) like the previous poster's DH.