Nobody wants to play with my child!

[Desperatemother93]

My son is 3, he is very social and constantly looking for children to play with, but unfortunately most children don't want to play with him, he has good time in the nursery and has lots of friends, the issue is when we go to parks or play area, most people don't want their children to play with him mostly is the parents not wanting their children playing with him. And it puts me in a weird place because he keeps asking me why the children don't want to play with me? I tell him sorry I will play with you but he still unhappy, it has become so stressful that I avoid going out with him, because if I do he wants to go to playground and most of the time the children just wanna play by themselves but he wants to play with them and if he doesn't listen I take him home and he starts crying for many hours about it, or I give him some candy or ice cream to keep him quite,,, nowadays I do all my shopping and errands online or
when he is in the nursery, I am thinking about increasing his hours or having another baby just to play with him because I feel he is very lonely and a social person, I don't understand why is it like that? when I was growing up I was very popular had lots of friends from all backgrounds everyone wanted to play with me, when we go out we used to find many children to play with my parents let's us play outside all day and we just went home to eat and sleep, but now that I have a son I see no one wants to play with him,I feel like I had children in the wrong times, people sometimes leave because of him because he keeps trying to play with their children and I have to physically grab him and take him home, and he starts crying all day I don't want to go home I want to play it breaks my heart to hear it, ,,How do you deal with such situation? Many people told me have another baby to play with him.

He’s quite young to be going off and finding strangers to play with even if that is being supervised by you. In my experience they don’t really start actively playing with other children (especially ones they don’t know) until they are 4 or 5. But it’s also unusual to* be always finding families that don’t want to play and never *having anyone join in.
It does read a little like he is pestering other families and the parents are losing patience.
Do you have no other friends or family with similar age kids to go and play with? What about nursery or preschool friends.

Why don’t other people want their DC to play with him? At the age of three, my DS made it very plain that being at home with his baby sister and me just didn’t cut it, so I found a nursery where he went for mornings from 9 - 12, which he absolutely loved, and he did make friends with other DC and we would on occasion go to their house or they would come to ours. Do you speak to other mums at nursery, or are they busy working? Why don’t you take the initiative and ask one of the other mums if their DC would like to come to yours for a play date?

No I meant supervised play, yeah he is pestering them because some families they want to play with him and he has great time with their kids in the park but that's not always the case and he gets frustrated when it's the opposite, I tried explaining not everyone wants to play but he won't understand so I have to physically remove him and hear him cry all the way home shouting that he doesn't want to go back home he wants to stay and play , and makes me feel so sad for him, but what can I do I can't conjour up some friends, most of my family have adult children no one has a baby but me l.

He cries for many hours? That’s weird.
He does have friends. At nursery. Meet up with them to go to parks?
Don’t have a baby for him to play with. He can’t play with a baby.
Don’t give him sweets and ice cream to stop him crying.

Are the kids older or younger?
Many kids don’t play with others until they are older than your son and if they are younger then they might not have the desire yet. At very young ages playing alongside each other (parallel play) is the most likely outcome.
You also mentioned the parents- to a first time parent of a one year old, a 3 year old might seem enormous and too boisterous. Obviously they don’t know your son and I’m not saying he is boisterous btw I’m talking about appearance.
Is it possible that he’s approaching quiet/shy kids who are overwhelmed by his confidence? I know he’s 3 and that he’s learning (and sounds great) but some kids are happy playing alone and not interested in chatting.
I suspect that some parents want to just sit on a bench and scroll on their phone or enjoy their drink in peace. If the kids are playing together then it might create an obligation to chat and they’d rather not.

I met few moms in the nursery and he made great friends with some of the children but they weren't interested in anything outside the nursery

Are the kids he’s trying to play with the same age? My 5 year old wouldn’t want to play with a 3 year old at the park, she has enough of playing with that sort of age with her younger brother. When I take my younger one to the park it’s usually with friends with kids the same ages so he has a friend to play with.

Also if you have a baby then they are unlikely to want to play with him until they are his age. There’s lots of keeping baby away from older sibling’s small toys like Lego and trying to mediate arguments.

He dos need to learn though that no means no, if someone at the park doesn’t want to play with him then he shouldn’t keep pestering.

I think it’s quite intense and odd that you take him home if another child doesn’t want to play with him… this sounds like a good way to make a non event into a big event.

I would rather he plays with his friends but most of his friends at the nursery live far away from us and can't come for playdates, yeah the parents wanted to just enjoy chat and scroll on their phone while their kids do solo play, I wish he would be happy playing alone but he keeps trying to play with others and it makes it very awkward, I tried sitting with him playing with him but he is not interested at all in playing with me, so now I just go to parks when it's empty or when there is no one playing there.

I take home because he won't listen and stop pestering other people to play with him, some people get really upset and they leave because of us so I rather just leave instead of causing issues with anyone.

That's the issue I am having he keeps pestering people doesn't understand no and I have to physically grab him and remove him and take him home.

So it’s not that they don’t want to play with your child. The parent wants some peace and quiet and wants to be able to make a quick getaway when it’s time to get home.

How does ds cope when a “new friend” leaves before him? If he’s as upset about reaction as you say, I imagine that the other kid leaving could also be upsetting.

What does 'playing with' another child look like for him? It is not normal for other people to feel they have to leave, or for you to have to grab him, which makes me wonder what it is he's doing?

I have an only child so I do know what it's like when they desperately want to play and other children (often those who are there with siblings already) aren't interested. But DD would just be a bit sad. And I think generally she was older than 3 when she really noticed it.

He needs to be taught how to entertain himself, it’s a vital skill for everyone! He shouldn’t constantly need someone to play with to enjoy himself

So sad for your DS. Our DGS was social at that age as well. We took him on an overnight in our caravan. Opposite us was another couple with a little one about the same age and social. DGS went over and said I'm (name) would you like to play. Other little boy said yes and they played for about 30 mins. I think it is probably that the other children are not at that social stage and their Mum's are aware. So your DC is ahead in the social play sphere.

Do not have another baby thinking it will solve the problem. It will make it ten times worse. Your son obviously cannot play with a baby and he won't even have your attention, because you will be too busy and tired with the baby. It will be years before your son can play with a sibling. I think you're getting too intense about this. Your son is only 3 and, presumably, the other kids are about the same age. If they're older, then they naturally won't want to play with a toddler. Give it time and relax. And stop taking him home from the park early.

So two things to help him with, one is accepting another person's 'no thank you' without getting stuck on it, and the other, related, is not pestering people for their engagement. The two things are related, which is not understanding or accepting 'no', but he's only three and it takes practice.

I wonder if his nursery would help you write a simple social story to explain it in short language you can then repeat to him when you're helping him practice working through it. Clear information on that they get to choose, that it's ok for people to say no, and what he can do instead. I'd also avoid telling him 'sorry' when a child or family says no thank you, because that implies that their no was something wrong to do to him that he should be upset about, and instead practice on the everybody gets to choose and sometimes they don't want to, and we go do something else fun idea. You will need to be cheerful but very clear about the no pestering and removing him, not understanding other children's boundaries won't make him popular in the next year or two at nursery and into reception.

Maybe there are playdates you could arrange with nursery parents of children he is friendly with?

Are you reminding him that if he keeps going over to the children you will have to go home?

Tell him before you enter the park that he can ask to play with another child, but if they say no then he can’t play with them.

I told him this today that not everyone is interested in playing with him and that's fine he was very understanding

Please don’t teach him that bad feelings are resolved by sweet food, that’s an awful lesson.

At 3 yo random children didn't play with mine 3 yo. I thought it was normal that a trip to the park isn't a playdate.

Another baby won't be an answer. Takes around a year to get one and your son will be 4 yo. Takes years before they have a relation and play will be very diferent 4 years apart.

My dc wouldn’t have played with a random child at 3, many 3 year olds are still quite shy. It’s sounds like he’s quite a bold child which might be off putting to those who are not. Perhaps try busier places so there are more kids, increases odds of finding someone who does want to play