Overwhelmed with three kids

[ThisSharpHam]

I recently had my third baby (she’s 8 weeks old) and I have a 4.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. My 4.5 year old is so helpful and loves to help with the baby. My 2.5 year old is really testing me with his behaviour and can be really full on. My husband works long hours and isn’t normally home until 7-7.30pm most nights.

I am struggling and overwhelmed. I wake up most mornings so anxious about how I’m going to do it all. I have been loosing my temper way too often and yelling at my 4.5 year old and toddler. I am so easily irritated over things that’s normally wouldn’t bother me too much. When my older two get too loud or be silly I get so frustrated. I am then overcome with guilt and feel so awful like I’m the worst mum in the world. Most nights after they have gone to bed I cry and just feel like I’m so mean for getting angry with them. It’s like I can’t regulate my emotions when the baby is crying and they aren’t listening and being silly. My 2.5 year old also throws big tantrums and I find that also really sets me off.

I am so worried that me getting angry and yelling at them is going to ruin them and that they will hate me. Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier and it’s because I’m

not getting much sleep with a newborn but I feel like there is something wrong with me and it’s not normal to act like this. I feel like I’ve lost the fun/happy mum side of me and I’m worried they think that of me. I suppose I’m just looking to hear from anyone else that may felt the same or the reassurance that things will get better

Well done for admitting it to yourself. 3 at home together with a newborn is tough and not surprising you are finding it overwhelming .

I think you need to speak to your health visitor or GP. The way you are feeling is not unusual at this stage but could escalate without intervention. sounds like you need support, so please ask for help and ignore those brushing it off as normal for this time. It does get easier but that doesn’t help you at this moment in time. Do you have relatives that can help you out a bit - maybe take the the 2 older ones for a few hours ?

Really feel for you OP. I have the same age gap with my 3 and found those early years incredibly hard. My husband also works long hours so I was alone a lot of the time. I used to lose my shit regularly and my patience was thin. I was overwhelmed with juggling 3 and incredibly sleep deprived. My advice would be to ask for help. It’s feels easy to say ‘I’m ok’ when people ask but you’re not doing yourself any favours. Be honest and take any help you ca get. My mum would always ask if I wanted her to come and clean and I’d always say no because I felt shame at the state of the house but she wanted to help.

I’d also use whatever you need to get some peace. If that means that oldest two have some TV or screen time to enable you to get stuff done then so be it. Please give yourself some grace. You’re doing your best but lord knows, it can feel like you best isn’t enough. I’m out of the other side now and mine are 9, 11 and 13 and we are super close despite the many MANY times I lost it with them in those early years.

If you need someone to talk to then I’d highly recommend using the free support services offered by the charity PANDAS. They specialise in perinatal mental health and do amazing work! Also check out Dr Caroline Boyd on Instagram who talk a lot about maternal rage - it will help you to realise that it’s really common and you’re not alone in feeling like this. Hang in there. x

That sounds awful. Can you put the older two in nursery? Can you get a mother’s help, don’t know what your finances are like of course

Is the oldest not in preschool?

Isn’t the eldest in school? Get the 2 year old in a nursery.

I have similar. When the baby was born my toddler was 22 months and my preschooler 4 yo. Luckily the baby slept quite well and I found it okay. I put the toddler in childcare and the preschooler in lots of holiday camps (it was last summer). It’s got way harder the baby is now v fussy. I shouted at the older two this week which I never do. It’s because the baby constantly crying and whinging to be picked up. I am never normally like this.

my advice would be get the toddler in as much nursery as you can possibly afford. Put the tv on more for the older kid with educational stuff like Maddy Knows and Andy’s dinosaurs

Are they all at home all the time?

I only have 1, but I just wanted to say to give yourself grace. Your hormones are still haywire! You are not going to ruin your kids for shouting at them in the short period it takes for everything to adjust and settle down. Be outside as much as you can even if thats just the garden, the kids can live on snacks, and reduce as much pressure as you can around the house. Only do the essentials! X

The only way I could cope with my three was to have 4-5 year age gaps, I would have lost my mind otherwise. I highly reccomend getting the older two into nursery or childcare for 3 days minimum per week if you can.

Use a nursery for your older two, you would all be happier. Why did you have 3 children and not plan for any help if your husband works such long hours? Give yourself a break so you can enjoy your new baby.

Ive got a 4yr old. 2yr old and near 1yr old. Its so hard and i get so overwhelmed too.

I had a newborn, a 4 year old and a 6 year old. They’re all grown up now though. I found things getting on top of me when my youngest was a few months old. I was getting angry and stressed over things that I wouldn’t normally bother about. I went on to antidepressants for about 6 months. I’m not one for taking anything I don’t have to but I do think it was the right thing for me at the time. They definitely helped take the edge off the stress. It’s maybe something to consider.

thanks everyone

Sounds hard but you really can't be yelling at the little ones, there also still babies in there own ways aswell. Our youngest are 4 under 4 twins and two singles and routines playing together, garden and park time, drawing etc it's rare I feel annoyed because aslong as there fed and entertained they are fine

I empathise op. I only have 2 kids but they are really testing me, especially my 2 year old. She is an awful sleeper but is also tantrumy and hitting and scratching me.

It’s all very well supermum PP say ‘oh yeah have some garden time’. My kids have had garden time all week so far and they are just fighting over everything and i’m constantly having to raise my voice asking them to play nicely and share and take turns etc.

I also absolutely hated mat leave and the newborn phase both times and the second one would have finished me off if the eldest wasn’t in nursery.

My daughter is almost 4.5 and starts school in September. If their eldest is born September or October 2021 then OP will be in the same position as me.

You need more sleep and more childcare. Nursery saved me when I was in a similar position.

God, the poor 2 year old. Why on Earth do people have more chikdren if the older ones are just going to get dumped in nursery? I’m sorry OP is having a shot time but with those age gaps what did she expect. But yes at this point probably the least harm to all concerned is for the 2 year old to be in nursery for a few hours a day

Pre school then 🤷‍♀️

What makes you think the 2 year old is experiencing any ‘harm’? It’s the mum that’s struggling not the kids.

I had 3 under 5 (all teens now) and it was hard.

It got easier when the DC1 was at school and middle started nursery (the same time) as I had a routine but mornings were hard- they were also my trickiest DC.

I used to go out every day but it was very hard and I struggled.

Are you able to catch up on sleep at the weekend?

Can you afford for the 2 year old to do a couple of days preschool sessions?

I would also speak to your GP. I was put on sertraline for around 12-18 months which helped.

Be kind to yourself.

Can you afford any help? Cleaner / mothers helper?

The 4.5 def qualifies for 15 hrs per week.
They may qualify for 30nhrs and 15 plus tax free childcare top up.

I also think church playgroups might be where its at.

On weekends your dh needs to be giving you 3 hrs or so to yourself on one day and get yourself so earplugs so you can lie in one morning.

I have a 2.5 and 4.5 yr old and can imagine how hard this is....

How are you doing OP? Anything worked this week. I’m in the same boat and happy to share!

I need to ask for more help during this time as I’m well and truely in the trenches. I am someone that finds asking for help difficult and I have probably been pretending it’s all fine for too long. I am trying to lean on my mum and mother in law and I had my mum come stay one night this week to help which was great and I enjoyed her company also. I appreciate your follow up message!

"Dumped in Nursery"

Or given the chance to do some lovely activities in a place specially designed for dc of that age whilst being looked after by people who aren't simultaneously trying to look after a newborn, recover from the birth, cook the dinner, put some laundry on, keep the house running in all the ways needed ?

What a horrible thing to post when a Mum comes on here looking for some support.