Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh

[WheresThatCatGoneNow]

Tell a joke that made you laugh.

I heard a good one recently.

A little toddler runs up to her Grandma, and says

"Grandma, pick me up."

Grandma says

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I can't pick you up any more, I'm getting an old lady now."

Granddaughter says

"What do want an old lady for? You've got meeee!"

Made me laff anyway!

@WheresThatCatGoneNow

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Philippe Philoppe....😳

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?
Warren

What's the best time to groom a French cat?

Quatre heures.

(You probably need to be Northern to get that one!)

Why do you never see Elephants hiding in trees?

Cos they're really good at it

What do you call a fly without any wings?

A walk.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

(Sorry to lower the tone).

Not lowering the tone at all.

The lower the tone the better!

I love filthy jokes. As I'm sure we all do.

Isn't "filthy" such an enjoyable word? !!

I went to the zoo
There was only a dog there
It was a Shitzu.

What’s orange and sounds like a Parrot?

A carrot.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Couple of travellers are in the desert. They’ve been there for days and desperate for water
Lo, in the distance they see a big tent
‘We are saved!’
They race in and find a row of stalls, they ask at the first stall for water
‘sorry no water! Just jelly. 2 shekels’
They move to another stall and ask for water
‘No, ive got a big bowl of custard though. 2 shekels’
The next stall has only cream
The next only fruit sponges.

The travellers leave dejected and plod on over the desert.
‘That was a bit weird back there wasn’t it?’ Said traveller 1.
‘Yes’ said traveller 2. ‘It was a trifle bizarre’

tumbleweed

A bald cat got on the bus and the driver said Hey, where's your fare?

What do you call a septic cat?
Puss.

My neighbour told me this joke yesterday:
Dicken’s ‘A Tale Of Two Cities’ was first serialised in two local newspapers - It was the Bicester Times, it was The Worcester Times.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says, 'Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, 'OK, now what?

😅🤣

What's yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard! 😂
makes me laugh every time.

A man goes into a bakery and asks for a cake. The baker shows him two: one priced at £5 and the other at £10.
"They're exactly the same size," says the man. "Why aren't they the same price?"
"Oh," says the baker, "That one's Madeira cake."

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Europe.
Europe who?
🤣

What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quack head.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rocket.

Apparently this is the last joke Barry Cryer told before he died....

A couple are walking down the road and they see a man approaching them on the other side of the road.
The lady says to her husband - 'I think that looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury - go and ask him if he is'
So her husband crosses the road and says to the man ' Excuse me, are you by any chance the Archbishop of Canterbury ?'

And the man says 'F Off!'
So the husband crosses back over the road to his wife, who says 'Well, What did he say ?'
And the husband says ' He told me to F Off !'
So the wife responds ' Oh! What a shame ! Now we'll never know........'

@UnimatrixZeroOne That one did make me laugh out loud.

My personal favourite….

Russian Dolls….I hate them. They’re so full of themselves.

Why do you never see Elephants hiding in cherry trees?
Cos they paint their toenails red.

This is a long one.
Man finds a magic lamp. I want to be married to a beautiful woman, I want to live in a grand palace and I want to be famous."" Poof! Your wish is my command."
He wakes up in a four poster bed, between silk sheets in an enormous beautifully appointed bedroom. A lovely woman wakes beside him and sighs. "We'd best get up, dont want to be late for the parade Franz Ferdinand."

Scientists have discovered a third chromosome.
XX woman
XY man
YYY Delilah