Holiday finances for a kind of blended family

[Needshelp90]

Hi, how do people generally deal with money matters when it comes to holidays with their partner and partners kids?

Partner has 1 teenager. I have no kids.

The few holidays we have been on we go 50/50 but due to other things im starting to feel taken for granted. Booked our summer holiday last week and I paid my 50% like it was just expected, not a conversation (or a thanks from what I can recall).

Appreciate I may have already set the standard now, but was just after some general thoughts and how others work things, or even approach the topic with their partner.

We don't live together or share finances in any way. Im the higher earner.

I would say in this situation especially as its a teenager and you don’t live together or share finances then the fairest way would be to split the cost by 3 with you paying 1/3- your own flight & your portion of the accomodation.

I would expect partner to pay for his kid.

Depends. What is the holiday? I appreciate there is an extra flight cost, for example.

Do you not feel able to raise it with him?

What's the breakdown day to day, around the house, finances etc?

What kind of holiday is it? I assume the kid is treated like an adult for the purposes of pricing? Do you need an extra room for him or does he sleep on a sofa bed?

Broadly I don't think you should be expected to pay 50% but the amounts involved and the marginal cost of the child coming would also impact my attitude to it.

Its a package holiday, cost just over £3k all in. We don't share finances in any way as we dont live together. Meals out we generally split or occasionally one will pay in full.

What would the cost be if the child didn't come? presumably food is on top?

Its a package holiday. Cost is just over £3k. We've tend to book 1 room with enough proper beds for us all. So a double and single or 2 doubles.

He should pay for his child's costs.

Ive no idea sorry as was all booked as a package. It's an all inclusive holiday but generally when we go away we also split travel money and all costs.

I guess it depends how strongly you feel about it. As you say, you have set a precedent and changing it will make something of a statement.

You mention other factors making you feel taken for granted. It sounds as though you need a broader discussion about things. Are the other issues financial as well?

They are, although nothing major. More a bunch of small things adding up and causing frustration. I think you're right and a proper discussion is needed. I just worry about bringing up finances as it can be a difficult conversation and I want to avoid an argument!

No way! I would expect partner to pay for his child. You don’t live together or share finances. He’s taking the piss.

Another mug. God. Why do women do this?

Tell him your share is 1/3! Speak to him! Why are you happy to subsidise him?

Obviously conversations about money can be difficult but if you think about it, they really shouldn't have to be. If you have a strong relationship, he should be able to hear your concerns and come to an agreement.

People can often feel like money is a proxy for commitment so (assuming you are committed to the relationship) I would decouple those things; "I am really happy with our relationship but one or two things have been niggling at me so I'd like to discuss them with you.." etc etc. If you dive right in with feeling ripped off and wanting to pay less, he might get defensive and think you are pulling back.

This is very helpful, thank you for taking the time to respond to me and offer your guidance 💖

I honestly dont know. Maybe im too generous. I do feel a bit of a mug at the moment.

Look at the cost of the same holiday, same flights, same hotel, but for two people, you pay half that cost, he pays the rest

Well look at it this way. What would be the cost if you went without the teen?

It sounds like the accommodation might be the same but you would share on the flight cost and food costs.

I'd suggest you go 50/50 on the cost without the teenager, and then your partner pays the extra costs on top.

if you are sharing a room with this child how old are they?

Eyeshot just think you need to discuss it without adding emotions to the cold hard cash. ‘It doesn’t mean I love you or your child any differently but are you paying whole for your child or are you expecting me to pay for half of their costs’. I can’t believe he hasn’t considered it. Is it that because you earn more and he and child wouldn’t be able to go otherwise?

In your situation, not married, not living together, no shared finances, teenage child, I would absolutely expect it to be split 3 ways with him paying 2/3.

So we are a blended family my kids live with us if we go on holiday I pay for my kids and myself.
sometimes as he is the higher earner he will say let’s go half’s so it helps me.
we don’t have joint finances - our choice

quite. I am not saying the Op is this but many are so bloody desperate for the validation of being in a relationship that this is what they do.

I’m older so have lots of people in my life who are doing relationships for the 2nd time with all their baggage and blended families. In every relationship but one that I know the man has gained more than the woman from getting together. She has taken on his children or provided the house or more money. Makes me a little cynical.
I’d be annoyed that he has not raised the fact that you are paying for his child. It’s not as if he won’t be aware. A decent person would say something.

My DH (DP then) was the higher earning and paid the lions share holidays with my DS. Otherwise he knew we wouldn’t be able to go on holiday together as much as we did.
He also had a DD who he would pay for to do holidays with although she lived abroad.
If DS and I went away together without him ( DS could only do school holidays obviously) then I paid but DP would always give me “spending money”.

He grew up in family that were well off but frugality spoilt holidays for him so he makes a point of ensuring money is used for fun things.

Sometimes at the beginning felt. like theres a bit of control in there too but possibly because I am very independent.

Whats fair will depend on your feelings towards DP, holidays and step families. Theres no right way.