Husband £50k secret debt - what to do

[Jolt24]

i have recently found out my husband has hidden 48k£ of debt in just a few years - we have two young children. for him it has jsit been over spending i am talking £25 on lunches each day and ridiculous secret spending on clothing and goods - pure greed - our family holiday this year i paid for as he was struggling to pay yet £500 on watches!
for me it is not the total it is the lying and deceit - the selfishness to be spending on himself when we have two boys and j was recently tail end of maternity leave.
i almost wish it was for a gambling or drug addiction as oppsoe to selfish spending on hkmself.
i love my husband dearly and we were so so happy i feel like this has completely shattered me and our trust. I dont know if this is normal to conrinue the marriage
please let me know how you are navigating things

I forgave an unnecessary bankruptcy only for him to get back in to more debt 8 years later. The divorce came through this week.

He will ruin you. I still love my ex but he is fucked in the head when it comes to money. I am deeply grateful that the judge didn’t make me share 50/50 of all my assets so I escaped with limited financial harm but he could’ve lost me all of it.

It’s the deceit that is the worst of it.

Beyond selfish. I don't think I could get past that!

What an absolute cunt. I’m afraid my love would die immediately.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What has he said so far? What are his plans to get out of the debt?

What a shock for you OP. Can he at least sell some of the goods he bought to pay towards his debt?

Sorry OP, no actual personal experience in this situation, but if I were you I'd be most devastated at the complete disregard to your family's financial wellbeing. 48k is a ridiculous amount of money to spend and let build up into debt, also countless chances to come clean and tell you the truth.

So selfish and irresponsible, honestly that would really make me question how well I knew my husband if he could do that to me and our family!

That’s an awful lot of money to waste. Are you certain he’s not gambled it?

Mine wasted £800k all told. No addictions, just absolutely shit with money and a refusal to manage his business properly.

This 💯- and just so thick, like there would never be any consequences?

It might well be addiction, but he needs to sort it out on his own.

I would see a solicitor and make plans to divorce, you need to rid yourself of a husband who betrayed you, he will only sort himself out if he has to - and you do want him to, because of the children.

Of course you could give him the chance to come good, but if you do, it's one chance only.

Personally I would extricate myself from this relationship. This kind of behaviour will gradually kill your relationship. You will never be able to trust him again. And even if he pays it off, it’s likely the behaviour will come back later on, and could land you and your children in trouble. He has shown you who he is. Start collecting evidence of all financial matters and see a solicitor.

I would also do a credit check on yourself OP. Often Men like this will take out loans/cards in the name of their DW/DP.

Absolutely dreadful. Is he upset/ashamed/likely to put it right?

Have you had to go without?

The sheer irresponsibility would kill the love, or the liking, dead for me.

Would he be prepared to transfer his monthly salary directly to you and accept "pocket money", sell some possessions/downgrade a car, take a Saturday job, do early morning cleaning 5am to 7am to pay it off?

Has there been full disclosure?

I know a couple who divorced and it came out that she had racked up £20k on credit cards. But it was because she was expected to feed and clothe the DC on tuppence. Very very different from your dh's antics.

I can't get over the £25 on lunch. What job does yr DH do? Mine works in Central London and gets a Meal Deal and is pissed off they now cost £6.50!

His crappy tacky watches and trinkets will be worthless ! What a materialistic poser, how could anyone want to be with such a shallow wanker, spaffing 50k on utter shit, what for to ‘impress’ other people ? wouldn’t be so bad being in that much debt if he had a fantastic car but I bet that’s crap too, or on a lease, bet he has Ralph Lauren polo shirts too 🤣🤣 in his ‘designer’ wardrobe and loads of pairs of trainers and maybe some loafers like a Vegas ‘crooner’ would wear
dump this superficial brainless idiot loser OP ASAFP

Yes he has set up all wages and outgoing bills to a joint account and very remoresful. Took out a loan to pay another and it spiralled he said combined with absolute carelessness spending. Children and I never have gone without and he has set up debt repayment scheme which is a manageable amount.

he wants us to have couples counselling to try and learn ways to rebuild the trust.

Just a part of me thinks i would rather cut ties now whilst the children are young and less damage than if he effs up again in a few years

He has a debt repayment plan in place whoch is £145 a month so very manageable. He now takes packed lunch each day 🤣🤣 and all wages and outgoings are from one joint account.

What’s his income?

I'd leave him while the debt remains his and his alone. £145 and it will.take years to pay off. Why can't he get another job, to increase the repayments.

I agree with other… check for drugs and prostitution.

he needs to be transparent… you need to look into the accounts and his transactions honestly

It would almost be better if the money had gone on a misguided business venture or if he’d spent it behind your back on a buy-to-let flat or something.

But it sounds as though the lion’s share of this £50k has gone on expensive and unnecessary treats to himself. I would not be able to forgive this.

good luck, @op,whatever you decide.

48k at £150 a month? Thats 27 years of repayments!
27 years of him not having a useable credit score!

This. Are you certain how he’s run that huge amount up? Does he gamble?

And that's without interest. It's probably closer to 54 years.

Binned my ex for this kind of selfish hidden spending. He didn’t get into debt, just hid income within his business for a decade so he could buy himself £1000 snowboards and £500 jackets while I shopped at H&M for myself and the kids and sewed up holes in my old jumpers to make them last longer.

OP what’s to stop him spending crazy money from the joint account too?