Just my own personal story.
I didn’t have a great childhood. Wealthy but no affection in fact the reverse and I was ‘booted’ out at 17 for no reason other than we aren’t supporting you now you are an adult. I went to university but my cluttering started at that point - the wanting to keep stuff. If my parents gave me anything (my mother is a hoarder) I kept it, like I was keeping her love but it was actually her rubbish! My mother currently has a 7 bed house and it is full as is the other 3 houses they have!
When I was 30 I was in a serious relationship and was pregnant and my partner left. That’s when it ramped up. I kept everything the children did - every drawing. I showered them with love and also it became an issue. I had a big house and it was full. I often got 2/3 of something as it was a good buy eg guitars! By now the house was full and the garage. I was trying to prove as a single parent I could show them how much I loved them and give them opportunity as their father never even met them or paid any maintenance (he moved abroad to avoid it) Hoarding and the needs to prove it - It escalated.
By now my oldest was hoarder of stuff and collections of everything. They couldn’t have one plastic dog they had to have them all. So we started, on threads on here on getting therapy and advice. Suddenly it made sense. Diagnosis of ADHD came swiftly to me and them. And for, me stuff was a trauma bond and hard to get rid of but I started to understand it was all emotional connection. Hanging on to things is deeply emotional.
By now I was well into therapy and I was starting to declutter and about 50% of all my huge quantities of stuff was done. But still a lot left eg garage full of stuff. Met my husband and we both had gone through loads of trauma and both through counselling before we met each other. He was consistent, he was kind. If I said I really needed something we kept it. If I got rid of something he supported it. We moved to a house we bought together and everything from the garage came and went into the new garage but the house was uncluttered.
I made mistakes I got rid of my daughters doll house I asked her (18) if she wanted it and to choose between the farm or the dolls house she instantly said farm but she didn’t get back to me on the dolls house, so I found a home for it - she was upset but quickly got over it! So I have promised if she has children I will buy her child an amazing dolls house! But my husband was calm, never nagged and now we are at the point where the garage is 1/3 full (mainly Christmas decorations!) or even better 2/3 empty and the house is completely decluttered!
Mentally it has been a long road but I would say over 90% of my stuff is gone, to good homes, charity shops, recycling and the tip. For me the decluttering process has been hugely traumatic bonded and really cleansing. The garage will be completed by end of May. The house has been under control for about 2 years and very decluttered.
I buy stuff for my allotment but even my clothes are decluttered regularly eg I sort through the wardrobe at least twice a year and just charity shops it.
My kids are happy and have memories and that’s the important thing. They are a million times better at getting rid of stuff now and just ‘keep the photo’.
Mentally it is like huge chains have been lifted. I’m about 5 years of no contact and that has helped. I do need to watch myself eg it’s easy to think tennis I could play that and then we have 5 tennis rackets! I left it and the feeling passes
Finances has massively changed I have always worked but I’m going to take early retirement so proper budget etc in play and actually it’s very different lifestyle now.
I hope this helps someone else but it has changed my life I can breathe!