Extra-curricular at weekends - do you keep one day free of activities?

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DH wants Sundays free of any extra-curricular. Is it a common thing to avoid all extra-curricular for at least one weekend day? We aren’t churchgoers or particularly religious so this is not the reason. He wants to be able to take her on long days out at the weekends. She started in a good junior swimming squad session on Sunday evenings recently. I asked him first before signing DD up and he was initially really pleased, especially as she had been on a waiting list to even get a ‘try-out’ for about 2 years! The session is going well and DD really enjoys it. Now DH has said he wants to stop it so he can enjoy long summer days out with her on Sundays. DD isn’t happy about this, neither am I because it is hard to find these opportunities locally and the timing in the evening still leaves most of the day free to do things and he was very positive about it initially. I have suggested she could miss the occasional session for a big day out and pointed out the sessions only run in term time so there will be weekends in the holidays free of this activity anyway. However, he seems to want all Sundays free for the full day (and evening) in the summer. As it is, the swimming galas she has been invited to are all on Sundays too!

I wondered if this is a common tension between parents and do others on here keep a day completely free of extra curricular every weekend? Do you turn down good opportunities to keep to this philosophy?

DH tells me it is not ‘normal’ to do extra curricular at weekends but most families I know have some sort of child-focused event to attend with their children regularly on both Saturdays and Sundays! On top of this there are the birthday parties to contend with and, increasingly, invites for playdates and sleepovers at weekends now ( my DD is 11). A lot of these things are harder to pack in on weekdays because they get increasing amounts of homework from now on!

What do others do please?

No, we never kept one weekend day free. We started off doing so but when dd & ds developed particular talents it became necessary. Youth theatre/am dram for example often rehearse on Sundays.

I'm sure it depends where you live on how easy it is to manage, but we always made a point of one weekend day with no extra-curriclulars. It changed over the years between Saturday and Sunday, but we always had one. It helped me enormously to have one day when we just didn't need to work to someone else's timetable, and gave us flexibility for family activities and seeing family friends.

One kid doing one thing all day Saturday; one kid on Sunday. Both quite serious about what they do (think grade 8 music / national competitions) and we don’t choose when they are. It’s easier for one of them in the school holidays. Our only rule was that commitments needed to be manageable with just one parent to allow one of us to get away occasionally either with friends, our own sports, or other kids.

We keep Friday evenings and sundays free from regular extra curricular activities. Competitions or the occasional event are fine but won't commit to anything which is regularly on those days.

We don't want the entire week ruled by kids activities. Monday to Thursday evening and five hours Saturday is enough!

We try to keep the entire weekend free of activities but that has flexed a bit since DD took up horse riding. She goes once every two weeks on a Saturday morning but it’s not every two weeks, we can move it when needed. I don’t like missing lessons we’ve paid for so keeping weekends free means we can do stuff together, days out, parties, long weekend holidays etc without penalties.
What about Saturdays? Could that be your free day?

I would do what I could to support my DC’s interests. I would consider OK one weekend day to be devoted to a hobby, with occasional extra days at the weekend. Plus, weekday evenings a few days a week.

DS5 does sports on both Saturday and Sunday AM.
His choice - he was adamant about it and loves it. It means he gets to blow off all his pent up energy, see his pals there, and we're done by 10/11am and can do any family plans, birthday party invites, relax afterwards etc.
School homework always gets done Saturday after sports (but after a small snack and relax).

We keep one weekend day free but it’s because DH works away so doesn’t see us Monday to Friday. So kids have Saturday activities and we have Sunday as family time.

I don’t know anybody else who does that though, lots of families have activities on both days.

At 11 I think it’s her choice tbh. He can have long days out with her in the holidays, she’s only going to resent it if he makes her stop an activity she’s enjoying to do long days out in term time (especially if he then doesn’t stick to that plan!)

Ideally this is what we try and do so have a lot of extra curricular activities in the week, which makes weeks a juggling act with work for both of us as well.
We’ve found as they’re getting older that competitions, shows and other events are on the weekend. Then there are sleepovers and parties. I don’t want them to miss anything so we do it and the most of the weekends the best we can

No. We have Sunday morning free and after 3pm, but I let them do the activities they want and that means we have stuff across the weekend.

We tried for a while but it just isn’t practical anymore unless we quit. My daughter has competition dance so competitions happen whenever they happen. My son had football on Saturdays but now it’s Sundays and he has taekwando competitions and gradings on random
days too. My daughter could join a ballet company with every Sunday rehearsals but we aren’t quite ready for that level of commitment yet (and she’d miss loads for competitions too)

If Sundays are now Swimming... what about Saturdays.

Between them in Winter, my DDs have something 6 days a week. Now Rugby season has finished, Sundays will be canoeing, camping etc.

We long ago accepted that you have to go with the flow for extra curricular... the days change when they move up groups, more training, more competitions etc.

And then, in a few years... they will be adults.

If your DD is at a squad, I guess she's serious about her swimming and wants to achieve some results? By age 11, pretty much everyone who is serious about sport, music or drama has to sacrifice some time at the weekends.

Personally, I'd love to have one day free just for reading/doodling/watching movies/recharging but it doesn't happen irl.

No. Not sure why your DH thinks it’s not normal to do activities at weekends. In my world it’s not normal not to do activities at weekends.

My DD is a dancer. We don’t have regular lessons on Saturdays (although she has in the past, but Saturday lessons are more for younger kids and she’s 16) but we do on Sundays. Competitions, rehearsals, performances etc could be on any weekend day.

I like to keep at least one a day at the weekend free for family activities. I don't like my kids in structured organised activities both days they are not in school. I feel like it's important for them to free play, be with friends, relax. Easy for me as I'm a single parent so I don't have to negotiate with anyone.

He isn’t wrong to want to do this and clearly it’s important to him on quite a deep level. You don’t get that family time back again…

If the session is 7pm or later then I think a longer day trip can easily be accommodated, especially with a good start. But if evening means 5pm then that is taking a chunk out of the day.

Personally I think it’s pretty important to keep one day purely for rest and unstructured time, especially once homework really kicks in. We do one extra-curricular activity in the week, but it’s pretty low key.

I have been on Mumsnet for quite a long time and noticed quite a few posts about competitive swimming having a negative impact on family life, due to the early starts and high training demands. People whose DC eventually drop it don’t seem to regret that decision!

Just to say that we do have activities on a Saturday. DD is into art and tennis too and, until recently, had an 11+ tutor for an hour on Saturdays too. That has finished, thank goodness, but has been replaced with an extra two hours in a tennis squad she couldn't otherwise have attended, on top of the coaching lesson she was having already.

I dare say she will have to make a choice if she continues with two competitive sports as they will become more demanding and events will clash. At the moment though I just want her to have the chance to keep going with both until she is ready to choose.

Unfortunately though, I can't see her being able to embrace either of those sports competitively in later years if Sundays have to be kept free always!

She also goes to art school on Saturdays so it is quite full-on at the moment. However, having been through some 11+ exams I would say there are far more alpha parents than us whose children were applying for sports and art scholarships! I think we are quite laid-back in comparison!

PS - my DH doesn't have to 'manage' attendance at these activities. He would be free to pursue his 'hobbies' and indeed often does what he wants at these times whilst I have been the person going back-and-forth with DD and with previously with DS, who is older, for all their lives! It is just that DH seems to see DD as a form of entertainment so is not content to visit his mother on his own on a Sunday, for example, he wants my DD to come because MIL wants to see her. In fact, DD is now reaching the age where she can take herself to some activities by herself, such as to the art school which is just down the road.

This puts a different perspective on it for me.

So, to answer your original question, no, we never kept a day activity free per se BUT we did recognise that filling the whole week and weekend with activities wouldn't work for us either. At some point the dc have to recognise there are only so many hours in a day / days in a week, and that there are lots of things that have to be fitted in, other than their activities.

As they get older, and have an interest or skill, that activity often does take up more time - so, for example, competitive swimming (including training) aged 11 is going to take up many sessions across the week against 1 x 30min less when they are 4. So you have to let them come to a decision that it can either be the tennis OR the swimming, or wherever the art fits in. With swimming, it is very unlikely to only be on one day a week by that age, so that might be the one to let go, but perhaps agree to give it until the Summer holidays them make a choice ?

Yes, that actually changes things massively. What do her weekdays look like? How much unscheduled time does she have to see friends, hang out, read books, see family?

Adding a second competitive sport at an age where training increases ptobably want the wisest move.

DD is old enough to have clear preferences and wants to do this. She may drop one or more hobbies at some point. Normal for older DC to want to prioritise things they would like to do over parents’ preferences.

Why isn’t DH doing his share of taking DC to weekend activities? That’s poor, unless he spends lots of time with the DC at other times, and / oe perhaps you don’t do paid work and get leisure time in the week.

Bet he doesn’t already organise and do loads of days out with the DC (not just visiting extended family)

I agree with your DH. Ours have swimming lessons Saturday morning and 1 other extra-curricular during the week each. For us as a family of 4 it is really important that Sundays are completely free and flexible. We want one morning we don’t HAVE to be anywhere at any set time. Like your DH, we might want to go further afield, or relax and potter, or spend time with our extended family, which again is a high priority for us.

I have three DC. They're all sporty and it would have been very difficult to restrict them so they could never have matches on one of the two weekend days. We never attempted to keep a day free.

Ideally I’d love to have a weekend day free but it hasn’t worked out like this. I think you need to be lead by your DD and what she wants. Ultimately, she’s 11 and will likely start to drop some activities over the next couple of years.