How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

It’s probably paying the debt that’s causing the problem plus having 3 children is expensive. You could post your income and out goings here or get advice from a debt charity like Step Change and Christians against poverty.

If you can post your income and outgoings, you will get really useful feedback.

You might not like it all, but it will be useful!

Write all your spending down, include everything!.
The obviousy way is to cut back, meal plan for shopping, probably children's activities?. As PP said, if your comfortable you could put your outgoings on here.

It is the debt that’s completely crippling us. I’m not happy to disclose our earnings but without the debt I think we would be ok, although my other half wants to drop a job as it’s just too much for him.
I’ll have a look into Step Change and Christian’s against poverty.
thanks you.

Three children is expensive ! You can only spend money once so if you decided to have 3 then other things like holidays become less viable.

only going out for birthdays is the norm for most families - you get a lot of richer people on here for some reason - probably they have a bit more time and energy to do so! Working hard with 3 young kids takes it out of you. So accepting your current life state and knowing it doesn’t last forever is useful

but you may find it doesn’t take too many changes to switch from slight over to slight under spending each month

What club would each child cut if they had too? or a TV subscription?

have you fallen for the beauty myth? Nails and hair ?

can you save £20 a week by switching to jackets and beans , & egg and chips dinners a couple of times a week? Make sure you are eating the cheapest veg ( seasonal or frozen )

Money Saving Expert has a handy spreadsheet for making a household budget, you can download it here. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/#spreadsheet

Clear the debt - short term pain long term stability ?

The right solution depends on many factors, MSE has good advice.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan/

With the debt you are on catch up constantly.

You need to question every single purchase and cost benefit analysis each one and make a justification that it can continue.

I still make an effort to budget and buy almost everything in sales and I haggle which is not a very British thing to do. We made a big purchase last year. The guy said zero discounts, I said I’m walking away so he rang the regional manager and I got 1k off. DH at this point is always slightly cringing in the background. New mattress last year, no discount and I could read his computer screen and that was the case but he gave me a free mattress cover which would have been almost £50.

It is hard when you have a growing family to constantly provide for them without going into debt. But it is possible to live within your means.
You need to know literally everything that you are spending. So starting with a notebook write down every single expense. Not just the bills but everything down to the choc bar you last bought - then you can work out where your money is going.
If you work with spreadsheets note all your bank accounts and what income you have, what bills are paid from each one and when they are due. There are lots of downloadable statement of affairs forms which will give you a good idea of what expenses you may need to note down just in case you forget anything. This can be time consuming but necessary if you are going to sort yourselves out.
I find that if all Mortgages/bills/debts are sorted and covered then you can concentrate on the rest. With the balance left it's up to you how you deal with it.
What works for me is trying not to run out of money before month end and the easiest way is to do that is to take £500 for example as being money left for the whole month. Divide that by the number of days in the month. So potentially you have £16 per day to spend. You don't spend for the first three days so you potentially have £18 per day for the rest of the month. On day 4 you spend £80 on new shoes for the kids leaving you with £420 divide that balance by the number of days left in the month. Some days will be no spend days (NSDs) and others not but you will know that you will always have some money to spend. I think that knowing you have actually run out of money is more panic inducing and you want to stop the stress. If you have a small balance even if only a couple of quid move it to a savings accounts or earmark it to pay extra off a credit card.
There are other threads on how people make savings but for example if you regularly buy your kids a choc bar from a vending machine after an activity buy a multi pack from home bargains instead it is much cheaper. Good luck OP.

What clubs are you paying for? Scouts, swimming lessons and a local martial arts club at £5 a time would be enough to be sociable.

I am sorry you are struggling financially - debt is such a massive stress. I hope you find a way out.

Honestly OP we do it by having well paid jobs and 2 kids. If I was a TA I’d probably be on a third of what I am now, and then I’d have to split our earnings further to another child.

You said yourself you do everything at home and want to be there for the kids, that’s a luxury not a necessity, and you’re paying for it indirectly with lower wages. There isn’t a magic budgeting wand we can give you, especially if you won’t give a break down, it’s as simple as having outgoings lower than ingoings.

We are in good shape now but struggled with debt and over spending for years. Looking back the kids hobbies were actually crippling us, the cost of the activities were never the end, there was the constant shoes, kit, show fees, weekend tournaments etc. We carried on and carried on to keep up with the jones then Covid hit and it all stopped, we were then much more sensible in what we let them sign back up for. It’s madness looking back what we were spending. I’d start by getting the kids to drop one each and go from there. In addition to the above costs, we were time short so would often grab food on the move or buy from the ‘local’ shops that were all more expensive then having a weekly meal plan that we could stick to.

With regards to budgets now. We have a bills account that all our regular monthly commitments come out of, we need exactly what needs to be in there on pay day and that isn’t touched for the month. We then have a weekly budget for food and petrol. We try not to go over and if we do then it has to come out of the spare / fun money for that week. Once this is gone we don’t do anything else. If we have any left at the end of the week, gets added to the savings. DH gets paid weekly, but you could split the monthly wage down to
weeks as it’s easier to feel skint for a couple of days until Friday, then feel like the end of the month is weeks away if you know what I mean.

Look where savings could be made regarding food, and the children's activities. Those things would be the easiest cost to make changes to, for a start.

We do it by living within our means.

In my monthly budget, I allocate x amounts of money in needs and wants categories and some money as miscellaneous - that helps. I also arrange bills to come out on paydays.

But in your circumstances, I think it’s more about increasing your household income to pay off the debt asap.

You can teach your kids to swim by jusy taking them swimming yourself. Scounts and guides or similar are cheap for socialising. You could join a church or another religious organiaation for a cheap social activity for you and the kids. Not for everyone and i am only suggesting it as an option. Not trying to convert anyone.

When I said I am there for the kids it’s because I have to be, we don’t have family support around us and cannot afford childcare. I chose to be an TA to work around family life not for the money clearly! Even if I did have a full time job any extra money would be wasted on childcare and I would not be able to keep on top of everything with three kids.
well done you for getting everything so right 👏
not a very helpful post really is it?!

I have a budget that I follow and I check my online bank every day to see what has come out of the account and subtract from the budget. I have 16 different line items, such as insurance, mobile phones, internet, food, eating out, travel, presents, streaming services, electricity etc. I follow that every month and if I go over on one item I borrow from another. So it my food ended up costing more than I had budgeted I might take some money from eating out line.

Then I check how much money I am left each month, add that up, and then do a separate sheet for bigger things that is for the whole year which might look like this:

Misc. vet bills - £5000
House repairs - £7000
New glasses - £500
Holidays - £1500
MIsc expenses - £3000

Then if my dog needs to see the vet for something I'll deduct that amount from that line and so forth.

I honestly think the only way to do it is to track absolutely everything, it will make you more frugal automatically I think. At least it does for me.

When they were younger it was much easier and financially we were doing fine, it’s the cost of living that has completely crippled us. Everything just keeps going up and I know it’s the same for everyone but everyone around us (some with 3 kids) just all seem to be doing ok!

clubs vary over the year as some are seasonal, only one swims now and will probably pull him out at the end of this school year as its term time.
as for beauty I have my hair cut about twice a year, dye it myself at home and never get nails done or other beauty treatments.

I mean plan all the time and try and stick to it but some nights are hard when three kids don’t all eat the same thing although I try my best to make dinners we all eat.

some useful tips, thank you.

Hi OP it's hard to give advice without the debt information etc but I would also recommend step change for advice. Have you looked into consolidation loans to have it all in one place and have one manageable monthly payment? I also use an app called Debt Payoff Planner. You can put in all debts and it priorities what to pay first and gives you all the 'debt free' dates in the future so you can clearly see when you will be better off. Good luck 🍀

How do you think everyone else manages? We lived hundreds of miles from family, at points in my career with toddlers me working full time brought us only about £100 extra a month due to childcare costs, it was short term pain for long term gain.

It’s why we couldn’t afford 3 children. You’ve made choices, you need to recognise the luxury of your choice so you are more grateful for your situation, if not grateful, accountable.

You asked how other people do it, we are all doing it differently; you can’t expect to have a low income job, more time at home and an above average amount of children and some how be in the same financial position as others? You will be more vulnerable to financial down turns like the cost of living crisis.

If you want more specific and helpful advice, you’d have to be more specific with your figures.

Always up to payments with debt but sometime ls never seems to make a dent!
I am definitely always after a bargain and will always look and try for discount!
Thank you

Thank you, we write down every spend every month on a spreadsheet. All in comings and out goings.
once mortgage and bills, debts are paid, we aside money for food for the month (which I try my hardest to stick too) and there’s never much left over.
I have my son’s birthday coming up next month and do think that’s why I’ve gone into a panic as don’t know how we’ll afford it.
thanks for your strategy on making money last the month, good way to do it and something I’d never do thought of.

As pp have said, you need to write down every single spend.
I have an excel workbook, tabs with sheets for each month. It has every regular expenditure on it. On pay day, I work out what I need to cover all these bills and leave that amount in the account. I move the remaining money to a ‘spend account’ for the month.
Things I rely on that work -
I put my food/toiletry budget onto a Byond Card on pay day. It can be used at many retailers and gives cash back on every spend. I leave the cash back to build up over the year and it pays for Xmas food shop.

Meal plan and batch cook on a Sunday afternoon. Lots of veggie/sweet potato/squash curries and tagines. Cheaper cuts of meat slow cooked for casseroles. Quick meals for days I have not got a meal ready are things like baked spud, omelette, veg stirfry.

Travel card to save on monthly commute. Some employers will prepay an annual pass which is taken off salary at source.

Fakeaways.

Walk/cycle where possible.

Also, citizens advice can give free debt advice and work with creditors to reduce debt or agree lower repayment without being hit with extra interest. Use credit cards for emergency only. Like, real emergency!

But write things down! Every single coffee out, or ready meal, etc, adds up. This really helps track where you could make more savings.

So 2 x football club, 1 x cricket (now season has started), 1 x guides (only club my daughter will do and she needs it socially), 1 x swimming (will stop in July) and 1 x kickboxing.

thanks for your message, I hope we do too.