Would a Christmas book help children embrace secondhand and reloved gifts?

[relovedchristmas]

Hello! I'm a mum of 2 and I've been wrestling with the Christmas 'more, more, more' cultural script for a few years. Last year I decided to do something about it, and wrote a children's book! The Polar Pledge is the story of a boy named Aren who writes to Santa when the song of the ice begins to fade, and a promise that helps the world sing again. It's a Christmas story, but it's also a gentle invitation for children to love what they have, share what they can, and care for the world that gives them wonder.

Inside the book is a QR code that leads to a simple website, where children also sign the Polar Pledge themselves, and receive a certificate from Santa for Christmas morning, helping give parents a way to wrap a secondhand gift in genuine magic.

I self-published it last Christmas as a way of testing, and really just to get the idea out of my brain and into the world. I'm coming back to it now to understand whether this is something more parents want help with, or whether I've written something only I needed!

So I'd really love to know have any of you tried shifting your kids' expectations toward secondhand or reloved gifts? What worked, what didn't, and what age did you find they were receptive?

And honestly - is a book like this something you'd find useful, or am I trying to solve a problem you don't have?!

The book sounds lovely but to be honest I don't think young children necessarily know or care à that a gift is second hand or even care.
I know my daughter buys some of her children's presents and clothes from vinted or from market place on social media the children know too and it doesn't bother them. It seems very common as is browsing charity shops for books etc

Honestly it’s not a big deal anymore to buy second hand.

I agree with pp. it’s pretty normal to have things second hand.

Honestly I’d choose a children’s book based on whether it was a good story and had good illustrations, not because it was trying to force a message. If the book has a message too that’s a bonus, but sometimes they come across very heavy handed and it’s off putting.

edited to add: pass it on to agents etc op, let them decide if there’s a market for it. Maybe it will be the next bestseller.

Out of interest, how old are your kids op?

Mine are 5 and 2 and couldn’t care less whether something isn’t new.

I don’t think this would help us.

When children are young and believe in Father Christmas it’s so easy to buy second hand anyway. They don’t know. In fact, I think it’s more believable that individually wrapped toys have been made by FC / Elves than a plastic wrapper set that has clearly come from China. One year I think I managed exclusively second hand. It’s not about managing children’s expectations so much as the adults.

Children just learn from watching adults close to them. I and in turn they love a mooch round a charity shop book corner. They know I bulk order lots of second hand books online and why. They know where I go to pick up my Vinted clothes.

I think that it's a lovely concept and a great message. We have a clear out before Christmas and birthdays and speak about how it's kind to give away what we don't use any more so other kids get to enjoy it. My son in 4 and not at the age that he cares if something has a tag on it or not but I'm sure some kids do clock when something isn't new and this sounds like a good way to prep them

No, in all honesty. It’s hypocritical to an extent, in the same way as a decluttering book is. You are trying to sell something new, for children to accept something else second hand.

Christmas is about magic. In our house we don’t lean in heavy with gifts. I make the month of December magical with experiences because I can financially. Even when my financial means were less, I created the magic on a lower budget. It’s the one time of year I don’t want her to focus on being sustainable - that doesn’t mean my decisions aren’t sustainable though

Sorry but I wouldn't need or use it. I've always given a mix of new and secondhand gifts, and that's always just been normal for my kids. By the time they were old enough to realise some were secondhand, they were past believing, so I could just explain it made no difference to the fun they'd have and meant they got more toys for the budget.

My dc (now young adults) always had second hand gifts - particularly the stocking, which would be filled with charity shop finds (videos, books, normally a largish soft toy, games, etc.). Any names/scribbles in the books would be explained away as “the naughty elves.”

This Christmas, two of my dc made a conscious decision only to give second hand stuff. A third hit World of Books (because he didn’t actually have to go shopping). The last bought a mixture of Vinted and new.

Children will not even notice whether something is second hand unless adults make a fuss about it. And, if they are brought up with the idea that second hand is good, this will continue.

FWIW, I can be very snobby about people who won’t use second hand (not a particularly pleasant attitude, I know) - which has rubbed off on my children.

I'm not sure about the pledge aspect, it sounds like it's agreeing to accept something 'less' than they are used to. Secondhand is not less!

I find overconsumption a massive issue and think it's great that you have addressed it with a creative project.

My family have always exchanged second-hand as well as new presents and I don't consider second-hand lesser so yes in a sense for me it would create an issue where there wasn't one before. But that's just us.

Mine have never minded. When younger things like animal hospital were bought second hand as not available new. When older and into tech they had the option of new lower spec, or second hand higher spec, and they generally went for second hand.

The kids dont care, especially at 2 and 5. Its the parents and relatives who are bothered about new stuff.
I also agree with the slight irony in making a new book to encourage people to reuse things...

I don’t think children need persuading I think the barrier is the parents. I think among my friendship group we pass items around and we love a mooch in a second hand / charity shop so there’s no stigma. My DD 14 gets refurbished tech for presents and I buy her bits from Vinted and she knows that it makes it affordable for us. Other people who have grown up in less advantaged families can feel there’s a bit of a stigma with it and they want their kids should have everything new.

I do think social media can have an influence and I’ve seen various content creators show really interesting items they’ve thrifted for friends at Christmas. One guy in the US had put together this very cool selection of items for a friends present that he’d thrifted -eg a handmade ceramic, a sweater and a vintage lighter and he made it seem really aspirational. So I think your messaging is valuable but I’m not sure the delivery method is necessarily the most effective

Yes, I’m not a big fan of “influencers” at all but influencers and social media will hopefully be where the change happens and second hand becomes completely normalised. Vinted is huge and people are always talking about it online. The issue is really just places like Temu, Shein etc are also completely normal.

Ironically enough it’s Mumsnet where I see the most resistance to second hand especially school uniform. The second hand sale at our school is huge, and everyone passes down uniform between siblings or gives stashes away to friends but on Mumsnet it seems to be deeply controversial. Odd.

Yeah I’m not interested in “ hauls” on social media but seeing items that people have found second hand is completely different energy.
I wonder what the resistance to second hand uniform is? My DD’s school has endless branded items on their uniform list and I bought all of them second hand. The one time I went and bought a new PE skort and 3 short sleeved white shirts from the uniform shop it cost me £60+ so I avoid that as much as possible.

Nice way of getting some free marketing for your book, OP.

There seem to be more and more of these threads at the moment.

Well I just never give any option but some gifts being second hand? If my daughter doesn't like it, that's not my problem, and she needs to learn to be grateful for any gift. I think you're trying to solve a problem which doesn't exist. it's adults who make a fuss about things being second hand, i don't think kids know or necessarily care, if they do know.

Thank you so much for all the feedback, I honestly really appreciate it!

I can see that the book won't solve the secondhand problem for parents who've already cracked it. And you're so right that approach starts at home, with the family. But I know lots of parents (including myself) who have fallen into the trap of everything new at Christmas. And I wanted something to help myself, and hopefully others, step away from that. When you've always done something a certain way, it can be tricky to step change without worrying you'll compromise the kind of Christmas magic you've built in your own home over the years. If that makes any sense!

@Thistimearound - so true. It is more believable that individually wrapped toys have been made by FC and the elves than a plastic wrapper set that has clearly come from China!
@Iocanepowder - mine are 9 and 13. One is on the cusp of believing, the other doesn't but plays along for his brother's sake.
@YellowHatt - thank you. Working on the publisher question, it's a challenge to be sure, but also I wanted to get out and do some sense checking first.
@SummerFleurs - I take your point about the irony, and it's definitely fair. I'm a complete bookworm, and Christmas books are evergreen in our house (even my 13 year old will still indulge a Christmas story read aloud, the same ones every year). That's partly why I believed in the book as a cherished, and annual format. But I hear you, thanks for the honesty on that.
@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies - this is so useful to me. I think I have been quite tuned into the opposite approach you describe. It's good to hear the other POV!
@JeopardyLeopardy - your point about the pledge sounding like agreeing to 'less' was a really important one, and made me sit and think! The re-loved framing in the actual text is "things once loved, loved again." I hope that lands differently to 'less.' I really appreciate the query - it’s important to hear how things land for other people.
@Divebar2021 - your point that the barrier is parents not children really landed. This has given me lots of food for thought.
@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack - Fair enough, I’d probably think the same thing! I am the author (I haven't hidden that) and yes I'd love people to know the book exists. But I hope my post is taken in the way it was meant - not as marketing, but as market research, and a chance to connect with other parents and test my own assumptions.

In fact it all has. Thank you for pushing me to think about this more carefully - and sorry if I haven't acknowledged everyones opinions in my reply. I was worrying it was getting a bit hefty! It's been genuinely useful - I’d love to hear any other thoughts.

I think it’s a nice idea but agree with others- it does seem to be making an issue where there is none. If a parent doesn’t want to buy second hand (and there are plenty of those) then they won’t buy your book so it doesn’t help. I don’t think it’s the young children refusing second hand things- more a cultural issue in certain families/areas. The kids aren’t doing the buying- the parents are!

Couldn't agree more. All my childs nursery clothes are 2nd hand from community clothes swaps. Every christmas and birthday so far she has had the odd new thing but vast majority of toys are 2nd hand. She doesnt no or care. She knows that when her clothes dont fit they are passed on to other families for their children who need bigger clothes. Books are another one, we have MOUNTAINS of books. She sometimes gets books as gifts which are new and very occasionally il buy a new book but i find that people camt wait to offload boxes of books. Jumble sales etc have mountains of books. That being said, someone obviously needs to make the best seller list and who am I to say it wont be you.

Your book sounds absolutely beautiful.
I have to say, my kids don’t bat an eye if something is secondhand. They’ve always wholly accepted the item and never questioned anything. It’s the adults! It’s taken a full 10 years to get the grandparents to accept that it’s ok. Christmas just gone was the first time in ten years they gave a second hand gift. Maybe the story needs to be multi dimensional. A lovely story for kids, but the second hand accept is really a message aimed at the parent/adult reader

Are you an AI agent? Your responses are very ChatGPT.

IME people either think secondhand is normal/great or they think there's something unsavoury about it and a book is not likely to change anyone's mind. I think you would need to change the parents' minds, not the kids. Children don't know where things come from in the first place and the ideas we have about second hand items being dirty or less valuable are not inherent, they are learned.

I would be very wary of books with qr codes in. Books exist for a long time and qr codes expire.

In the last year alone we have removed more than a dozen books from our childrens' library because of expired links that now redirect to explicit content.

Just some examples:

https://www.faber.co.uk/journal/fun-with-humphrey-website-a-statement/?srsltid=AfmBOoqfIeWvwk_S7BIQ2JgyxCT5zVhf8OLhMzdZSnGB_BdnapOPpN7C

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn7631z8343o?app-referrer=deep-link

@BertieBotts I’m definitely not AI - real life mum over here! I write for a living, which is probably why I write in a more considered way. I take your point about changing minds though. You're right that the book probably isn't going to convert a parent who thinks secondhand is unsavoury.
@PlusPoncho Thank you so much! The grandparent angle is something I hadn't considered at all, and you're not the first to suggest the adult reader might be as important as the child!
@User478 genuinely really useful, thank you. I hadn’t thought of the expired QR code issue. And the harmful content examples are alarming.

You have all been so helpful - truly! I’m quite happy to hear the criticism / other side of the coin. It’s so easy to live in your own bubble, and assume others have your same perspective. It’s important to get out into the world, and not just ask your family and friends for their feedback.

Maybe I could ask another question? Do you know people who overspend on new, and possibly feel guilty about it? Do you think something like this could help them change their buying behaviour? Do you think parents either change on their own, or they don't change at all? Sorry, that was actually 3 questions!!

Thank you everyone.