Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

[Dallief]

We're having our second child and plan on giving her the same name as DH's mum. I am worried that my mum is going to get upset when we announce, but I love my mum, and the decision isn't personal. I'm hoping that she'll understand. My mum has a strange name that is almost always misspelt and mispronounced. It is a diminutive/NN of another name that is never used in the UK but is rarely used in Spanish-speaking countries (that we have no connection to). I would never tell her this, but we just don't like the name much and don't want to burden our DC with a name like that. DH's mum has a name that is old-fashioned (dated) but easy to pronounce and spell. We both really like it. I have thought about making the middle name my mum's name, but I almost think that would be worse than not using it at all. Would you be upset if your child had done this?

Do you love MIL's name or are you using it to honour her? Personally, I'd find another name entirely that you both love

Why are you using your MIL’s name? I think that’s important

Well, a child can only have one first name, so personally I don't see the middle name as being a terrible option. It'll rarely if ever be used but would be a sop to your mum. I know a lot of people who've used family names as middle names.

I would choose a different name, sorry.

Are there any “mash up” names that would work? I don’t mean anything silly like Sarah and Jezebel become Jezah but Louise and Amara become Lara?
Does your mum acknowledge her name is tricky to spell/pronounce? That might help her understand your choice?

Why are you using MIL name? Is it just because you like it or for another reason?

Personally I wouldn't do this. Just because I wouldn't want to risk making my Mum feel bad. Especially when there are TONS of other names you could use instead.

I think it depends on the justification for using it.

My dd has my late MIL's surname as part of her first name as it is often used as girl or boys name also, think similar to Megan-Rae. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer whilst I was pregnant and was an amazing woman. I loved her a lot. She has my mum's middle name as her middle name to make it "fair".

It was important to me that her names had meaning and connections to her history. I don't think my ex cared really 🤣

Mum understood our choices and I think was touched that we had considered both sides of the family. Had we had a boy he would have been named after my Grandad.

Yeah it will probably make your mum sad. I would have a different first name and both mums names as middle names.

I'd use another name. Your mum will be upset.

Yes, it will upset her. When she says why did yo use her name but not mine? Or or my mother's? Why have you honoured your husbands family but not ours? Yo u said you won't say its cos you don't like it, so what will you say?

🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

There are a million names in the world and you HAVE to use your mils....

Eeek!

Even if I loved the name I wouldnt use it...

Your DM would need the hide of a rhino not to be offended on some level.

if you must.....
Use MIL and DMs as middle names (make your dms as the never-used 2nd middle name)

We’re honouring her, but it’s also fortunate that we really like the name. We wouldn’t use it as first name if we didn’t like it. I do wish that my mum’s name was something less unusual because I would love to honour her in this way.

Definitely use a different name...

Unless you are honouring her because she’s dead or has some critical illness then yes I think it will upset your mum. Just choose another name.

We discussed it as my mum's name is for our culture pretty rare and imposible to spell. She would have understood but in the end none of the children are named after our parents.

Why can't DD have her own name?

I would use [MIL's first name] [DM's first name] [DM's middle name], and announce it along the lines of "we're naming her after our lovely mothers: X after DMIL and YZ after DM.

The two middle names from one grandmother balance out the prominence of the first name, and the wording of the birth announcement can point to honouring them equally.

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

I would yes.

I personally wouldn't want to upset the other by using one of their names. Whether that was Mum or MIL.

There are loads of other names they could use and I think their DD should get her own name.

I would use a different name. You can’t do this to your mum, even if her name is ridiculous! It’s so mean and I can’t imagine any way she would be ok with it

I would just use another name. They are their own person

I’d be upset tbh and I’m usually pretty level. I think you should find your DD her own name. There’s lots of them to choose from.

For an easy life, I would choose a different name. I think I would be miffed if my daughter did this.

I’m instantly put off by the fact you said the name was dated. I like classic names but dated names are a no no for me. and it depends how dated. Dated as in Janet, Pam, Brenda, Sue? Or dated as in Donna, Joanne, Laura?

Either way, I’d pick something different.

Yes of course

Yes it will upset her. Unless your MIL has sadly passed or is critically ill then I would honestly just choose another name. To honour one mother but not the other seems a recipe for hurt and upset.