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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked for my six year old to be separated from friends

15 replies

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 07:08

Hi all, we are in Italy, my son just turned six has just finished last year of kg, he has been friends with a girl for two years starting as best friends when they first met, after about six months another boy joined the two and him and my son had a bit of a rocky ride, at first the girl seemed to be in the middle and the two boys didn't seem to get on, the teachers became aware that the triangle has a difficult dynamic and began purposely separating the group into pairs for different activities, over time the two boys became very good friends too, but it was always a bit rocky between the three. However in the last few months whenever I have seen the three together I have seen not noce behaviours with my son ending up in tears and the other two refusing to play with him, sit near him or be friends with him. (An example was where there were at a tennis lesson together and were all given a tennis ball as a prize, they were playing with the balls and my son picked up the girls ball, she insisted that was her ball and my son told her all the balls are the same so it doesn't matter and he thinks that is his ball anyway. The girl and the other boy and the girls older brother (aged 8) all began shouting at my son that that was not his ball. My son gave her the ball and started crying, after that the girl and boy would not play with him or sit with him for he next hour - this is just to give an idea). Recently he has started to open up about things that have been happening at the kindergarten, again some examples - girl makes a bracelet for the other boy and promises to make one for my son too, she doesn't and after a week he makes one for himself, the other two tell him his bracelet is ugly and theirs are beautiful. Another day the girl and boy and another girl in the class decided he couldn't play and would run away from him. My son tells me the two often whisper and then walk away from him and he doesn't know why. One day the girl told my son that the other boy had called him stupid, but that he should shh and not saying anything to the other boy about it. They told my son he had poo on his shoes when he didn't. They tell him that they are going to go on holiday together and that he can't come (they actually aren't). At his birthday party they both refused to play with him for about an hour and wouldn't eat his cake or stand near him whilst we sang happy birthday. The list goes on. In between all of this my son will be invited to the girls house one on one and the girl will be extremely nice to him telling him she wants him to come over every day. I have to say that the friction usually happens when my son plays briefly with other children, has a playdate with another child or gets invited to a party of another child.
Fast forward to now and I witnessed on the last day of kg my son trying to play with them and then running away. The next day I emailed his school where he starts in September and asked for him to be placed in a different class than the two children. I am a bit worried that I should maybe have left is as maybe it would have just returned to normal again and maybe it is just the ebb and flow of friendships. What do you all think? Thanks so much!

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 18/06/2026 07:11

Good idea to separate them. He can make some new, hopefully less complicated, friendships. He will presumably see them in the playground anyway.

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 07:30

Thanks for the reply. I am just wondering if he there is something about him that is making these things happen, and that he might run into the same dynamic with other kids. I'm trying to understand why it is happening and why it always seems to be him that is singled out, not the others I suppose.

OP posts:
BeSunnyLemonSheep · 18/06/2026 07:37

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 07:30

Thanks for the reply. I am just wondering if he there is something about him that is making these things happen, and that he might run into the same dynamic with other kids. I'm trying to understand why it is happening and why it always seems to be him that is singled out, not the others I suppose.

Even if it happens again, at least you’ve tried.

You don’t know what can happen in the future, but you do know staying in this friendship group isn’t great for your son.

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 08:42

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 18/06/2026 07:37

Even if it happens again, at least you’ve tried.

You don’t know what can happen in the future, but you do know staying in this friendship group isn’t great for your son.

Yes that's true

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Swiftie1878 · 18/06/2026 08:46

Sounds like a good moment to get your DS out of this dynamic and allow him to make new friends.

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 09:48

Thanks I'm grateful for any input

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BendingSpoons · 18/06/2026 11:47

Some kids just clash. It could be anything causing the other 2 to be closer e.g. your DS stands up for himself more, the other 2 are more similar in interests or temperament. 3 is never an easy number. It won't necessarily repeat itself. I think 'forcing' him to make new friends is probably in his best interests, rather than competing for affection with his current friends, which may hold him back from making new friends.

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 15:33

Thanks for the answer, I'm feeling a bit like I've overreacted and cut him off from them without giving him the chance to make that decision himself. I think I'm overthinking...

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Conchiglie · 18/06/2026 15:36

I think you've done the right thing OP. It's a chance for your son to have a fresh start and make new friends.

Sweepyed · 18/06/2026 15:41

They dont sound nice. Do schools there not intervene?
likewise though it could be to do with how he reacts to teasing or he may have sen.

Alittlefrustrated · 18/06/2026 15:43

Absolutely the right thing OP.

Onefairfish · 18/06/2026 17:52

If he was older I would say leave it to him to sort out, but he is very little, and can’t be expected to navigate this rather toxic situation. You are right to advocate for him. If a similar situation arose in the future, that’s when to consider if anything about him tends to encourage bad behaviour towards him, but for now, he needs support to find a kind friendship group.

MyTrivia · 18/06/2026 18:02

I really sympathise with your situation because I have a 6 year old girl and she had a perfect year in reception and she felt safe and secure because the teacher was firm and responded the same to all situations, no matter which child was involved.

Now that shes gone up into year 1 she has had a stressful year thanks to two nasty children in year 2 who are bullies - no other way to describe it. It is only the last month I’ve been able to make the teacher admit this is happening because other children have seen it happening and the girls admitted they have deliberately pinched and scratched my dd when the teacher asked them about it. They were made to write letters of apology but it’s too little too late as far as I’m concerned because they’ve ruined her school year and she loves school apart from them.

Some children just aren’t very nice people I’m afraid. And the behaviour you describe towards your son is nasty and definitely is bullying.

MyTrivia · 18/06/2026 18:03

Onefairfish · 18/06/2026 17:52

If he was older I would say leave it to him to sort out, but he is very little, and can’t be expected to navigate this rather toxic situation. You are right to advocate for him. If a similar situation arose in the future, that’s when to consider if anything about him tends to encourage bad behaviour towards him, but for now, he needs support to find a kind friendship group.

I agree. The teacher said to my dd ‘but you seem to like playing with X’. Yes, because this child is manipulative and plays the mean / sweet cycle.

It’s a bit victim-blaming to suggest that a child could be responsible for bad behaviour directed at him though.

Hellotodays · 18/06/2026 20:47

Thanks for all the replies, I feel more confident in the decision now. The attitude at the kg seems to be more that they have to figure things out themselves, they tell him to go and play with someone else. When I asked if they should be placed in different groups next year they responded that they had no control over the groups for school, but didn't really seem to want to say whether they should be together or not. In hindsight I don't think they saw most of it, it's a large kg with multi aged groups and the kids can move freely between different rooms, I imagine the teachers just saw them together and didn't notice the whispers or comments, only the times when it was very obvious. Thanks all anyway for all the reassuring comments.

Has anyone gone through this and had kids split up and can say how it turned out? Thanks!

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