To not remind him about sports day (or every bloody thing)

[StevieNic]

DH hasn’t bothered to subscribe to the school newsletters/ apps, has no idea even when school holidays are and I have to remind him constantly when he’s on childcare duties (according to the schedules I manage and agree with him), he’s always frustrated and surprised the day before as if I haven’t reminded him regularly. I work full time too so can’t cover them all.

He also has no idea about any events like non uniform, nativity etc. He doesn’t open out sons medical appt letters but leaves them for me and has no idea when they are.

I’ve told him when sports day is twice not but know he hasn’t written it down and won’t remember since it’s outside his own sphere of interest (his work and general self). I’m tempted to not mention it morning of then just leave the house and walk to the school on my own, and say I assumed he wasn’t coming since he didn’t come out of his office.

Before anyone asks I did buy a wall calendar but I was the only one updating it and he didn’t bother looking at it.

I think yeah fuck him.

We just have a Google calendar the whole family can access. I take the stance that if they haven’t checked, they can’t act surprised when something ‘unexpected’ comes up.

We use our work calendars and put in events ‘meetings’ in when they come up. If I’m out one night, I send a meeting invite ‘Ibi out, Ibi husband to do school pick up’ and he does the same if he’s out. We look at our work calendars every day so there is no excuse.

@Exhaustemonte we sort out our own cars. boiler could be either one of us. He would never research holidays or plan a day out.

Can't you subscribe him to the school newsletter? If it's just giving them his email, I'd do that and then he's got the information without you having to do anything else.

He can read it or not and you can stop doing his braining for him.

She's not doing anything, she has reminded him twice, he is the one disappointing his child and his wife.

OP I can massively sympathise with this, as my husband is exactly the same and is simply a passenger in our lives, while I do all the planning and carry the entire mental load. However, I would see it from your child's perspective that they will be disappointed if he's not there. They won't care about the ins and outs of who reminded who, they will just remember him being there.

I've no idea how to get him to pay more attention to stuff like this though, sorry.

Well sounds like many many men tbh. The mental load and organising of literally everything is pretty much done by women. By OH is exactly the same and it is pissing me off more and more as we both work the same hours expect he actually has one extra day off as works compressed hours.

TBH if you are going to be at sports day I would leave it and not remind me as long as you are there. It’s his loss if he misses it and he sounds like he needs a kick up the arse.

So, you are essentially a single parent. I would make it official…

This- we don’t have children but DH and I have Google calendar if there’s something I need DH to remember I’ll set up a reminder through it.

@Loulou4022 why should it be me/ the woman putting in all the bloody reminders gets though?

Well it shouldn’t be. We both put reminders in, that’s how it works. Your husband sounds completely incompetent.

@Exhaustemonte he knows his own schedule, dates of when he’s working away

Exactly, you're not his PA. This kind of thing pisses me off too.

Yanbu. He's had enough chances to remember and book time off work.

If he's a competent employed adult then he can, at the very bloody least, remember his kids sports day.

You made a massive assumption there.

Would your DC be upset by him not being there? If they'd be ok then I'd leave him to it, but if they'd be upset then I'd tell him.

It will disappoint your child. However, the example of the uselessness of 'dad' may mean this will not be repeated with your grandchildren should you become one in years to come.

Oh, dear heavens, I assumed you were separated. Perhaps he needs reminding that having his name on a birth certificate means he has Parental RESPONSIBILITY.

So just let him flounder then! Personally we work as team and support each other. He does some stuff I do some stuff.