AIBU to text my professor instead of waiting?

[OnePoisedPearlOtter]

I was on a class trip with around 20 students and our professor, and we were all staying together in an Airbnb. Since there were only a few keys, everyone was constantly opening the gate/door for each other throughout the trip.

I was sharing a room with a classmate I’ve had issues with before, although I’ve always tried to stay polite and avoid escalating things. One evening I asked her if she could open the gate because I had already done it several times that day. She refused and said “it’s your friend so you should do it,” referring to another classmate I had been spending a lot of time with during the trip.
The comment felt strange because this friend had been hanging out with the whole group all week, including having dinner with all of us earlier that same evening. Both me and him were confused by her reaction.

After that she became extremely angry. While I was out of the room, she took back small things she had gifted me earlier that day, and when I later tried to talk to her calmly, she refused. What upset me most was that she contacted our professor privately and, from what I understood later, presented the situation in a very one-sided way. So I messaged my prof and explained my side. My professor ended up calling the friend involved to ask what happened after she read my message, and afterward he told me that the situation sounded very different once he explained the full context.

This became especially frustrating for me because I had never previously complained about this classmate despite earlier incidents, including her once mocking the way I walk when I physically couldn’t run for a bus due to arthritis, and another time yelling at me. I had always tried to keep these conflicts private and avoid escalating them because I'm 25 years old and she is 38.

But after the trip I messaged my professor explaining that I no longer feel comfortable sharing a studio space with her and asked if we could discuss it properly in June. I still feel conflicted about whether I should have just waited until then instead of sending the message earlier and bringing up the previous conflicts too.

AIBU?

Your poor prof. You're both mature students acting like 13 year old girls. It's ridiculous.

You should have waited, the professor is not responsible for the immature behaviour of adults.

Are you sure you're 25?

Was this a residential course for adults who struggle to relate to one another due to specific needs? If not then why is it for your professor to deal with?

I thought you were going to say you were 15!

You all sound about 12. Just don’t stay with her again.

Like I mentioned before, I had never brought up any of our previous personal conflicts to my professor, even though there had been issues before. Since the other girl went to her first and my professor initially seemed to believe her version of events, I think I started feeling that the situation was unfair. Especially because, from my perspective, such a small moment suddenly became a much bigger issue while I had stayed quiet about earlier conflicts for a long time.

Professors are there to teach. Not to mediate between adults who cannot get on. I get that you want 'your side put across' but I can guarantee the professor is bloody fed up that you are both now using him as a buffer. How do you know the professor believed her - did he say something to you? I'm guessing not, because you would have said this in your initial post. I imagine he hopes you will both grow up and not put him in the middle. Of course you stayed quieter about earlier conflicts because he's your professor, not your nursemaid. Come on, you're an adult, you have to fight your own battles and not put others in the middle, even if others do. It sounds like playground juvenilia. It really does.

Sorry all of this is immaterial.

If you're both mature students at university this is NOT for a professor to sort out.

If her behaviour is bad in future and your e allocated in same groups just ask to be moved... It happens often.

Are you in the UK?

I can understand texting him during the trip as an emergency contact or designated touchpoint, but it would be unusual for lecturers or teachers to want you to use text after that.

If he is responsible for allocating studio space and this isn't something you can sort out by swapping with someone else, an email might be appropriate. However, you need to bear in mind that it can be difficult for academics to change standard arrangements without formal processes. You may need to make a formal complaint against the other student, to the institution and probably not to the professor. It can be very difficult for people to act on hearsay, even if they believe you.

If it's easy to switch the studio space around, you may find it's all straightforward, but otherwise you may have to consider that having the moral high ground doesn't bring practical solutions by itself. Check the university's disciplinary policies. Think about whether there are agreed protocols for working in the studio that would enable you to keep firm boundaries. Don't drag the professor into this more than his official role requires.

But you've texted him now anyway so you'll get an idea from his reaction of where to go next. Good luck. Remember this person won't be a part of your life for long. Don't let them cast more of a shadow than they have to

Why are either of you bothering your professor over this? You’re adults, sort it out between yourselves.

Re-read your post OP and ask yourself if it actually reads like it's written by an adult. You should be well past this sort of crap.

Your professor is there to teach their subject, not to referee playground disputes. This is not primary school and they’re not your mum.

I think you’re getting some harsh replied here. She sounds a nasty piece of work making fun of your arthritis. Who does that?! The rest sounds equally unhinged. It’s totally normal for you to want no contact with this person given they lied about you.

It would have been better to email the professor and ask whom to address your issue to. Text is not appropriate unless it’s an emergency.

i hope they will help you. If not just don’t engage with her.

I am a Professor and I would be absolutely gobsmacked to be drawn into the middle of this sort of spat. Sort it out (or don't) - it has nothing to do with your Professor.

I deleted my old account and made this one just to reply because comments like “you sound 12” or “you sound 15” honestly are not helpful at all, and at this point I kind of regret posting here for advice.
Also, for context, this particular professor actually does mediate between students a lot because it’s a very small art university. She allocates the studio spaces herself and regularly gets involved when conflicts affect the working environment, so this is not some completely unusual thing in our department. People have gone to her over much smaller issues before. When that girl went to her, the professor had told my friend that she had believed the other girl's story and was going to move me to other studio. So that's why I felt it was unfair that the blame was on me.
You obviously do not have to agree with how I handled it, but I honestly find some of the mocking comments here more juvenile than my original post.

My professor does not like emails unfortunately, she asks us to text/call on WhatsApp.

Why on earth is any of this anything to do with a professor, it all sounds very childish

I'm the OP (I had deleted my other account). My professor wanted to talk to me in June and move me to other studio when she heard the other girl's story, thinking I'm at fault. Usually professors do not get involved but I dont know why my professor does this a lot.

No, why?

And honestly, if you do not have actual advice to give, maybe do not speak to strangers in such a degrading way. Some of the comments here are far more immature than the situation I originally posted about.

And I thought adults were supposed to know how to give advice without mocking strangers online <3.

Crazy how some of you are proving my point about bullying while calling me immature 😭

I needed to know the answer to the question in order to give advice. It was not degrading it was factual and fair, and you never answered it, which a person seeking true advice would have done. It was a valid question and I gave advice even without the benefit of the additional context I asked for. And you have randomly opened a new account - maybe just to tell everyone else off? You asked for advice - you were given it - you just didn't like it. Take it on the chin.