To stop entertaining my kids?

[YouBastardSockBalls]

My kids expect to be entertained every hour of the day, and can never seem to think of what to do.

I am sure I was never like this in 1993!

My mum would often chill for the day if she was off work, and we just played or something. I have lovely parents but I genuinely can’t remember them playing with me or filling every hour of the holidays.

These kids of mine are tween/teen age. They have plenty to do, bikes, toys, loads of outdoor space. They don’t have screens except a tv and games console which they hardly bother with so it’s not that.

This morning we went on a dog walk, then to a local NT place to go on the adventure playground. Got home around 2 and by 3 they were bored.

Is it just me!? Are anyone else’s like this??

I feel like just downing tools, one nice day out per holidays, rest of the time catch up with my own stuff and leave them to moan???

Me too. My parents did absolutely nothing with me but I drove my children everywhere.

Ah I hear you. I think we’re a victim of our own success. We’ve created curious fun people that are always looking for stuff to do. my son is much better than my daughter at finding stuff to do BUT he always gets fomo so will want to be involved in any social event. It’s not forever!

I'll often be quite blunt with mine, find something to do, read a book, no it's not time for screens. You have to brazen it out if they kick off, most of the time they'll find something to do pretty quickly. I've always had the expectation that they are capable of occupying themselves for some of the time like I did as a child and luckily they are good at it.

Same!! The driving is unreal. Clubs, friends houses. My son sometimes stays in town after school and then expects to be chauffeured home. When I suggest he just gets a later bus there’s always a reason. If I stick to my guns then it’s the guilt trip.

Yes, this is it.

this is the answer, but it is easier said than done.

My kids are awful for wanting entertained. And they do make a beeline for devices as soon as they have a spare moment. I say no but they can’t help themselves and it gets to the point I have to then hide remotes etc.

Mine also have lots of toys, big garden and outside toys, but they moan that they are bored. And they do just need to be left to be bored then they will come up with something.

The issue is that what they come up with often involved a huge amount of mess (den building, obstacle courses on stairs etc), or requires input from me because they are still quite young…and then they move onto the next thing and leave me to clear it all up.

They also tend to fight at the drop of a hat and I just hate all the screeching and crying.

So yes, it is very hard.

I do so much with my kids, far more than my parents ever did with me, and I do feel like it has come back to bite me on the arse.

Went to a national trust place today, didn’t have time to organise a picnic (due to the kids playing up) so bought an overpriced lunch on site…back home and complaining they were bored within minutes.

I do need to just ignore them and leave them to be bored. I know I do. Otherwise they are going to turn into very discontented adults. Their expectations about everything are just too high. And it’s not just them, it’s a whole generation. Everyday has to be an “event”. And it’s not sustainable.

Find them something to do. DS mentioned having nothing to do today so he hoovered the stairs. Other DS had more sense and found himself something to do after last week he ended up watering the garden after saying the word bored. Have a list on the fridge for being bored, clear out the hot press, wash and Hoover the car, bit of gardening.

like you - I go out in the morning till about 1/2 then home and it’s chill time. I started young that my DD had options either play with her toys by herself or help me do washing/ garden therefore she’s pretty good at playing by herself for a while.

Give them options either read or play or they can help you do x around the house

I think kids being bored is really important they need to learn to be creative and problem solve on their own

Say It’s okay to be bored.” or “Yeah, me too.” Basically don’t solve the problem for them by listing all the things they could do or setting something up if you already took them out.

They need to know it’s normal, not expect you to be the entertainer and to figure out how to use up time themselves. If they keep it up start responding by giving them a chore to do,

I had my dc in the 1990s, I didn’t entertain them, they went out to play, had friends over.

if you are constantly entertaining your children, how can they develop friendships and learn to entertain themselves?

This is what my DM would do if I said I was bored. Or even if I didn't say but looked suspiciously like I might be loading about with nothing to occupy me. There was always something to dust or brass or shoes to be polished. I became pretty good at entertaining myself!

TBF my DD was also very good at entertaining herself from quite an early age. I put it down to being an only child.

"Only boring people get bored"...my Dm response every time I moaned about being bored....

We have this problem and it has been exacerbated by DD broken her wrist! She can't do many of her favourite activities like crafts or practicing her musical instrument.

She's had more screen time than I usually allow at half term, seems to make the problem worse though as soon as the screens are off.

How have you coped until tween/teen? Even at 5yo mine were expected to do some independent play. You must have then patience of a saint.

What usually works for me is offering the choice of tidying up their rooms, a chore or finding something to do or, if they are being particularly difficult about it I'll choose something and say "how about a puzzle? It's boring? Put it in the charity pile then and run the hoover around." Suddenly they'll decide it's fun ornmake themselves scarce.

Honestly when I stopped trying to entertain them my life got exponentially better. My kids are 6, 5 and almost 2 and when I got pregnant with my 3ed I kind of gave up on “entertaining” the other two. Give them a cardboard box and some paint and shove them in the garden. Bit of chalk sometimes. Today I put the sprinkler on and they were out for ages. My mum had 6 of us and she said she stopped trying to do all the “entertaining” after 3/4 (brother and sister are twins). Idk why but her telling me that made me feel much better and less guilty because I had a wonderful childhood.

I don't really understand why most parents create conditions where this is inevitable

25 little activities a day every day of every holiday"oh Hugo LOVED the five science festival events, he actually went to sessions for children TWO YEARS OLDER but the organisers didn't care because he's SO MATURE"

Like fine but do you not want a life of your own sometimes

Omg are you my sister?

Their expectations about everything are just too high. And it’s not just them, it’s a whole generation. Everyday has to be an “event”. And it’s not sustainable.

This is it, spot on. Like everything else that’s bad in the world, I blame social media.

I used to say to mone of they were bored I'd give them some chores to do! It is hard to break the habit, or resort to screen time but good for their imagination to be bored!

Do they not play out?
Go to friends houses
Friends come to your house?
See any Family?

I heard on radio 4 (so it must be true!) that being bored sometimes is the best thing for brain development abd creativity - boredom is sooo awful that your brain will work extra hard to come up with something to do to stop the boredom. How many times did you come up with an idea for a game or activity through sheer boredom? We need to let our kids experience boredom. It won't kill them.

I remembered being bored as kid and asking my parents when we were going to do something....and then just telling me very clearly to go and entertain myself, end of. I'd sulked and entertained myself and when we did go out to do something, I was over the moon.

The difference is that parents nowadays feel guilty and that they are a bad parent the minute their kids are upset about anything.

Kids haven't changed, parents have. Parents need to go back to accepting that kids being annoyed or upset is part of being a kid and accepting that parents do have needs too that sometimes deserve to come first. Kids are not traumatised every time they are upset.

I wonder if it's because we've been taught to be more responsive to crying babies. You have to transition out of that behaviour when they become toddlers because sometimes they will tantrum but not because of something that you need to rush in and fix for them. It's hard to change how you react.

Yes! I agree!

I am much older than you. OP (late 50s). My DM took me to a club virtually every night after school and at weekends. I also spent a lot of time playing out with my friends. Back then, it was considered perfectly safe to let children wander the streets all day - I used to build dens with my friends about 1.5 miles from home and my parents had no idea where I was and no way of finding out.

Whenever I wasn’t doing that, I was constantly complaining about being bored. DC2 is exactly the same. Both of us have ADHD, which is what I put that down to in our case.

I found,
"When you've finished what your doing you need to ..( insert very tedious but necessary task here ) "
They will do just about anything to avoid the task and continue to look, or even actually be busy for the rest of the day. No further input required.
Tbf my brain does the same thing.
Although now i think about it i may have taught my children to prevaricate ?

I feel you!! I’m in a very similar situation - 7 and 4yr old, we do so much with them but as soon as we get home they’re bored and never happy with the toy / game they have so it turns into every single toy out, constant asking to play, help and then the house is turned upside down and then I become very stressed and overloaded with everything!!