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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

443 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
7in1Pond · 17/05/2026 18:19

His money, his decision. I agree with you though.

Zanatdy · 17/05/2026 18:20

Yes he should do, morally, absolutely. His mum wanted her son’s to receive some of her share. Legally of course it’s his.

Burningbud1981 · 17/05/2026 18:20

What happened when the Mum died. Did she leave a will. Why wasn’t the estate split between the children and the husband then.

Cheersminesalargeone · 17/05/2026 18:21

This is why everyone should make a will with a solicitor. I think it would only be fair to do as mum asked and split it 3 ways it’s still 300k plus which isn’t to be sneezed at.

CeciliaMars · 17/05/2026 18:21

I think it’s his decision. It really boils down to how much he values their relationship. I don’t agree that £1m is ‘not an enormous sum’ though!

completelyfedupagain · 17/05/2026 18:21

I guess it’s a case of legal versus moral obligations. If he knowingly ignores his DM mother’s wishes for her estate, it reflects very badly on him.

VIII · 17/05/2026 18:21

Well he seems like a lovely bloke. His selfish attitude would give me the ick to be honest.

Witchonenowbob · 17/05/2026 18:22

1m not an enormous sum.

Wind up?

Burningbud1981 · 17/05/2026 18:22

CeciliaMars · 17/05/2026 18:21

I think it’s his decision. It really boils down to how much he values their relationship. I don’t agree that £1m is ‘not an enormous sum’ though!

I agree. I had to laugh when I read that

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/05/2026 18:22

I agree with you but it's his Mother's fault for not sorting this out with her will.

If it was me I'd give each sibling 1/6 because otherwise I'd feel awful.

eiteanpiobardubh · 17/05/2026 18:22

Yes. His mum's half should be split three ways between the three children of the mum. DH gets all of the dad's half.
DH - 2/3 of estate
Each half sibling - 1/6 of estate

The fact that the dad ignored his wife's wishes is immaterial. This is what the mum wanted to do with her estate so DH should honour that.

Clefable · 17/05/2026 18:22

I guess he can’t be forced to do so. But it’s a real shame he will ignore his mum’s wishes. I wouldn’t be able to do that, when she had made them clear. That’s his decision to live with, but I would look very differently at my husband if he behaved like that.

If he doesn’t want to give it all, then he could at least give them a bit, given he’s inheriting £1m+. He will still end up very well off out of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/05/2026 18:22

You can’t tell him. It’s not your money. People need to plan this stuff properly.

KoalaSquid · 17/05/2026 18:22

Obviously, he legally doesn’t have to share it. But god, it seems being a shit is hereditary. FIL was shitty to create this situation in the first place. Your MIL should have planned her will better, but she wasn’t unreasonable to think her husband could be trusted to behave decently.

Your DH absolutely should be sharing with his siblings. It’s what his mother wanted, so if he goes against that then he’s just as shitty as his dad. And if the estate is £1m+, sharing the inheritance would still leave him with over £650k so it’s not like he’s being left impoverished by splitting it. I wouldn’t be able to respect him if he was this selfish.

MissMoneyFairy · 17/05/2026 18:24

His mum Should have stated in her will that half to her husband, the rest to be split 3 ways between her children. Did she have a will, if so what did it say and was it honoured.

Jk987 · 17/05/2026 18:25

How is £1m estate not a large sum?

yes he should give them something for sure.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/05/2026 18:25

Well, legally it is his money and his decision.

It's a pretty greedy, selfish decision to go against his mother's wishes though.

If my DH did something like this, I would be really questioning the morals of the man that I had married tbh.

FrangipaniBlue · 17/05/2026 18:26

Legally his money.

I’ve been where his siblings are though……

every fibre in me hopes that karma is real and the share of my mums estate that my step dad left to someone else brings them zero happiness.

Bettermuseli · 17/05/2026 18:28

If his mum wanted her legacy to be split, he should do that. Or at least give his siblings something. Legally he's not obliged to but morally he should. Clearly his dad wanted him to have everything so only the mums share needs splitting. How much that is, is guess work, but it's not nothing.

Namenamchange · 17/05/2026 18:28

Yes, he should give them a third each of 50% so around £160k, if they are expecting £300k+ then I’d say no. If £160k leave a bad atmosphere, then he might as well not bother. Any more than £160k would feel like they were greedy and he was buying a relationship with them.

PurpleThistle7 · 17/05/2026 18:28

That’s obviously an enormous amount of money. If everyone is following the will properly then it’s in no way a requirement to give your half siblings money. Which is a perfect example of unintended consequences of blended families.

if following the wishes of his mum, he’d split half with his siblings - so he’d get 500K from his dad plus £500K/3 from
his mum. I would hope I’d be the bigger person and do this but I wouldn’t judge someone for sticking with the legal documents.

BeeCucumber · 17/05/2026 18:29

How do you know his Mum’s wishes?

Bluehouse14 · 17/05/2026 18:30

I would be very disappointed if my husband - the man I chose to marry - behaved like yours. You are right OP and not unreasonable at all.

Arlanymor · 17/05/2026 18:30

7in1Pond · 17/05/2026 18:19

His money, his decision. I agree with you though.

First post nails it. You have no right to tell him how to share his inheritance. But good people would try to make good... adopted kid takes all eh? Despite knowing exactly what his mum wanted for everyone. Has he ever heard of the word 'gratitude'?

Also a flat in Kensington is not small money, do you bathe in champagne?

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/05/2026 18:30

Why on earth wouldn’t he give his half siblings their share of their mums property

he sounds a selfish prick

a million isn’t a lot ? Wow. You are obv rich. It’s a lot to me