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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

293 replies

JacknDiane · 17/05/2026 17:15

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 17/05/2026 17:17

The past has gone. Onwards and upwards to the future. 😊

ColdTofuSandwich · 17/05/2026 17:17

That’s made me cry. I know exactly what you mean - homesick for another time.

Bettermuseli · 17/05/2026 17:19

Really sorry OP. Grief and homesickness are so painful at any age. Did it help to write about it?

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 17/05/2026 17:20

Yes I get more nostalgic for my childhood the older my kids get.

I'm happy with my life but I'd love to go back to being a kid with my dad still alive and no cares. Not for long but just for a bit.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/05/2026 17:22

Oh 🥺

Op - why not take some time to indulge in the past feelings. Watch some movies, eat food you wouldve as a youngster and enjoy. Not for too long, but just a day or two.

Youve made a lovely life by the sounds of it. We all need to feel safe again sometimes though xx

Gatekeeper · 17/05/2026 17:22

ColdTofuSandwich · 17/05/2026 17:17

That’s made me cry. I know exactly what you mean - homesick for another time.

Me too...I'm awash with tears. Thinking about my dear old mam and dad. My lovely aunties and uncles. Much simpler times and the better for it

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 17/05/2026 17:23

Ahh, I feel for you. Did you have bereavement counselling when your DPS passed away? It's never too late

LakieLady · 17/05/2026 17:25

I wonder if this could be something akin to grief? If so, some counselling might help.

I know it's been a good many years since you lost your DP's, but grief can catch you out in the oddest ways. I had a huge pang of grief for my dad a little while ago, and it's over 17 years since he died. It was triggered by seeing someone who looked a little like him from a distance.

Now that your children are independent, it's understandable to look back to your own parents.

VeraMyHero · 17/05/2026 17:26

Gatekeeper · 17/05/2026 17:22

Me too...I'm awash with tears. Thinking about my dear old mam and dad. My lovely aunties and uncles. Much simpler times and the better for it

There must be something in the air because this is how I have been feeling all day today. 'homesick for another time' as the previous poster put it.

Know that you are not alone with these feelings today.

Flyingkitez · 17/05/2026 17:26

Is there other places you can visit that are near “home”? Maybe you would feel close to your parents there? It sounds like grief with children becoming adults too. I second the bereavement counselling option as suggested above.

Starlight7080 · 17/05/2026 17:27

Next time they visit you should plan something for as soon as they leave. Even if its just a nice walk somewhere. I think staying home and overthinking it all makes it so much worse.

Awrite · 17/05/2026 17:27

ColdTofuSandwich · 17/05/2026 17:17

That’s made me cry. I know exactly what you mean - homesick for another time.

What a lovely way of putting it.

I dreamt of both of my parents last night. They both died over the last 2 years. And they were amazing.

Today I felt like telling my youngest that he will miss my annoying loud singing when I am no longer here.

Ithinkitsimpressive · 17/05/2026 17:28

There's nothing unreasonable about any of that 💐

the older I get the more I look back at the times I spent with my family just happily chatting and having dinner together and wish I could have just one day of that again

the Portuguese have a word Saudade which I think sums up the feeling beautifully. It doesn't have a direct English translation but means to have a melancholic feeling of incompleteness related to the absence of a person or experiences and pleasures you once had and know you are unlikely to ever have again .

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 17/05/2026 17:29

Such sadness and grief. Missing the lovely security of the past. I feel it too, op.

I wish I could create it in the here and now.

Newyearawaits · 17/05/2026 17:29

I can emphasise with your feelings OP.
The love for your parents is palpable.
Cherish the memories and enjoy your family

Ithinkitsimpressive · 17/05/2026 17:30

Also I would say that when elderly people particularly those with dementia say they want to "go home", this is what they mean. They want to go back to a time & place where they felt safe and happy

Dancingsquirrels · 17/05/2026 17:30

Boomer55 · 17/05/2026 17:17

The past has gone. Onwards and upwards to the future. 😊

Pity the very first post was lacking in empathy

OP, I hear you. I'd love to travel back and forward in time. That would be my superpower of choice

I wonder if you could recreate some elements that you miss eg cook a traditional roast dinner, taking pleasure in simpler things

shellyleppard · 17/05/2026 17:31

@JacknDiane sending hugs x i sometimes dream about my childhood. Walk the streets and go to my grandparents home. Could you make that 2 cups of tea and talk to your parents? Tell them how your life ia going, how much you still miss them? Sending hugs z

JoanChitty · 17/05/2026 17:32

I know exactly how you feel. A couple of Christmases ago I was surrounded by my lovely daughters, their partners, Dh and our Dgd. I was happy enough but had a great yearning to go back to my childhood and be with my parents and grandparents. I am an only child and sometimes not having anyone who remembers you as a child is hard. My Dh has siblings that often go down memory lane when they get together. I would love to see them all again and feel the love and security they gave me as a child. Don’t get me wrong I have a very happy life in the present , but wouldn’t it be lovely to go back in time just for a little while and see them all again.

Tryagain26 · 17/05/2026 17:32

I know exactly how you feel. And the older I get the more I feel nostalgic for my childhood home an life
Sadly though we can't go back and realistically I don't want to. Bur it's sometimes it's hard

MandyMotherOfBrian · 17/05/2026 17:34

Right, that’s it, give me your address, I’m coming round to give you a cuddle 🥰

Oh OP, I agree with PPs, it’s like a form of grief. Maybe, talking to someone (who knows what they’re doing, not us internet randoms) might help you to look at it differently and come to terms with it? Although, I also agree there’s nothing wrong with indulging in these feelings - maybe the people who know things would tell us it’s actually good for us. I don’t know. But I do know you’re not alone in feeling like this ❤️

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/05/2026 17:34

It's ok, OP, and it will be ok. Even though it feels shit sometimes.

It's not really about the house, is it? It's just about what the house represents. It is just so bloody hard to come to terms with the fact that our parents are no longer around, and that the sense of security they once gave us is gone forever.

And it's tough, too, to cope with the fact that our kids are grown up. And that we are ageing ourselves. And that life never just stops marching on.

It's entirely natural sometimes to want to look back to a time when everything seemed so much simpler. To look back wistfully on a life in which our parents were there and seemed to have the magical power to make everything ok.

But time passes, life moves on, parents die and we start to get older ourselves. It's fucking harsh sometimes. But we find our way through it and we cope, because life is just like that. We get through. And it really is ok, it's just different.

wheredidtheteago · 17/05/2026 17:35

We have a word in Welsh, ‘Hiraeth’ which translates to the feeling of longing for a time or place that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re not alone lovely. Xx

Heraldry · 17/05/2026 17:35

Your post could have been me writing, I hope it may help you a little to know you are not alone in this. It just hurts your heart a little doesn’t it, missing your parents, even after many years. I am estranged from my siblings, and though it’s been decades now I would so love to just have a cup of tea with my parents.
You have raised confident children who are thriving in their lives and that is amazing, well done you. Do you think some more regular phone calls with them in between visits may help? Maybe video calls? (My adult children don’t like them, neither do I tbh so we telephone). Nowadays a lot of interaction seems to be by message but it’s not the same.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 17/05/2026 17:36

wheredidtheteago · 17/05/2026 17:35

We have a word in Welsh, ‘Hiraeth’ which translates to the feeling of longing for a time or place that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re not alone lovely. Xx

Oh my goodness, that’s beautiful 😢❤️

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