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Original poster

Meeting someone and having a child after 40…. Please tell me there’s hope?

50 replies

Tellmehoww · 16/05/2026 20:23

I know there is hope scientifically but I would love to hear from anyone this happened to!

I date but I do have one dc who is 5 and I’m already 39, 40 next month. Feels a bit bleak but I always wanted more children and wouldn’t want to do it alone.

OP posts:
Apprentice26 · 16/05/2026 20:25

Not really I had six miscarriages between 37 and 42 when I gave up.
I already had children so I knew it wasn’t me in that sense, but it was me and that you’re just too bloody old

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/05/2026 20:26

There's definitely hope, I personally can think of at least three people I know who've done it. I'm rooting for you

Jk987 · 16/05/2026 22:14

I was 39 when I met my partner after being single and casually dating for a good few years. Had my child at 44 naturally conceived after failed ivf.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 16/05/2026 22:19

I met dh when I was 41 and he was 31!! Our dc is now 11!!
I knew within a week we would get married.. Dh never saw himself having dc.

bridgetreilly · 16/05/2026 22:22

At that age, I think you’re better putting it in the ‘It would be nice if…’ rather than ‘My life won’t be complete unless…’ category. It’s not impossible, of course, and I know people to whom it happened, but the odds are stacking up against it.

SqueakyFreesia · 16/05/2026 22:28

My friend met her now DH at 38/39, when he was 35ish. They tried to have a baby for years and after lots of treatment gave up but were happy. Ended up with a surprise baby at 46. Their beautiful little girl has just turned 1.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 16/05/2026 22:28

I met my now husband at 39. Had a baby with him at 40 and another at 45. We are joyously happy x

Flocke · 16/05/2026 22:31

Sadly it didn’t work out for me. I met my husband at 39. Started trying at 40. Gave up at 44. Had a few rounds of IVF and a few miscarriages but that was all that happened.

I will say though that on the whole I think it’s more likely to conceive 40+ if you already have a child. Not guaranteed obviously. But I know many people who struggled for years to have their first then fell pregnant much easier with subsequent children.

Newyearawaits · 16/05/2026 22:33

There is hope OP but it may not happen.
I'm glad that you don't want to go it alone and you have your 5 year old to love and care for.
Concentrate on that.

barkygoldie · 16/05/2026 22:34

bridgetreilly · 16/05/2026 22:22

At that age, I think you’re better putting it in the ‘It would be nice if…’ rather than ‘My life won’t be complete unless…’ category. It’s not impossible, of course, and I know people to whom it happened, but the odds are stacking up against it.

I think this way of viewing it is good advice. It could happen and would be lovely, but if you allow yourself to think thoughts of ‘I’ll be devastated if it doesn’t happen’, it may be that you experience a lot of pain. I know it’s not easy to control how you think but the ‘it would be nice if’ framing allows you to be free to enjoy life however it goes.

crocodilesandwich · 16/05/2026 23:01

If you didn’t already have DC then you could meet someone and agree to start trying relatively quickly if that was what you both wanted. But you’ve already got a 5 year old to consider so you would need to take a long time getting to know a new partner and then longer for the DC to get to know them and then start to build a new step parent relationship / get married. That would take years at which point fertility would likely be at its limit- I know that’s not the answer you want but you need to put your existing DC first and think of their wellbeing

Wish44 · 16/05/2026 23:02

met ex when I was 39 . Had baby at 45 ( after 3 miscarriages ) He turned into a twat. But DC is lovely.

above poster talks about waiting and getting to know them. I waited two years before moving in and 5 years before having baby. No red flags. Had baby and he changed over night.

up thread there is someone who met her partner at 39 and had a baby a year later and they are very happy together. You can’t always predict life !

I hope it happens for you op!

PurpleLovecats · 16/05/2026 23:04

Looking on my old school Facebook page, several of my school friends had their children in their forties. I’m 51 now with children all grown up and find it strange when I see their pictures of children still in primary.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 16/05/2026 23:04

A relationship, absolutely. I can’t think of anything worse than having a baby over 40 though.

WellThatsAllRightThen · 16/05/2026 23:07

I couldn't find the energy personally now I'm 40 but its doable on paper. Just want to reiterate what another poster about allowing time to get to know someone, and then allowing your son to do the same though so I would expect its still a way off though

Strawberries86 · 16/05/2026 23:11

You can’t move any relationship at the speed you would need to in order to have another baby because of your existing DC. Don’t rush a partner and new baby into their life that would be selfish.

Mumstheword1983 · 16/05/2026 23:24

Hi OP. I had a surprise baby at 41 (almost 42). I guess like other posters have said it's more about getting to know a partner enough before hand though as we had been together and married a long time. I have a cousin that had a first baby at 43 and second at 45. Age wise it's definitely possible.

Fantailed · 16/05/2026 23:30

crocodilesandwich · 16/05/2026 23:01

If you didn’t already have DC then you could meet someone and agree to start trying relatively quickly if that was what you both wanted. But you’ve already got a 5 year old to consider so you would need to take a long time getting to know a new partner and then longer for the DC to get to know them and then start to build a new step parent relationship / get married. That would take years at which point fertility would likely be at its limit- I know that’s not the answer you want but you need to put your existing DC first and think of their wellbeing

This.

Biniol · 17/05/2026 00:33

Not quite the same situation but I had my dcs aged 38 and 42, with no fertility treatment or interventions. Never had a miscarriage, don't feel tired as I keep myself very fit and healthy. So if you met someone soon you could be in a relationship for a year or more and then still be able to have another dc naturally, though it would depend on your own fertility and DP's.

I agree with the advice about just thinking it would be nice if it happened but not setting your heart on it. I didn't bother with ivf as it seemed a waste of money with low chance of success, and I didn't get my hopes up by tracking cycles or using lots of supplements, all I did was not use contraception and let nature decide.

DeniseSecunda1 · 17/05/2026 03:50

I had my son at 41 after believing for almost a decade that I was infertile.

IWasTangoed · 17/05/2026 04:22

You've had some good advice here, OP. See as a lucky thing to happen if it does, but also something to be content with if it doesn't happen.

If you don't want to do it alone, then maybe focus on thinking 'do I want a partner now? how will that affect my life and my child's? What sort of person do I want?' rather than a future baby.

Having a relationship with the hope of a baby could make you rush things and bring unforeseen issues into your life.

Meadowfinch · 17/05/2026 04:30

At least you have your ds. Can't you enjoy how funny and lovely he is? I'd focus on that rather than risk bringing the wrong man into his life.

I was 43 & childless when I met ds' dad. I seem to attract the wrong sort of men, and was feeling pretty down about it all. But we started a relationship, I conceived at 44.5 and ds duly arrived. Still the wrong kind of man - he turned financially abusive after ds arrived - but we left when ds was 2, and ds and I have had a good time for the 15 years since.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/05/2026 04:40

I think you should take the viewpoint of a partner/ boyfriend is nice but won’t live together till your kid is older. I am yet to see a “blended” family that actually works - it generally doesn’t

AliceAbsolum · 17/05/2026 06:04

Yes, you can always use egg donation if that's right for you too.

Londonnight · 17/05/2026 06:07

I met my second husband at 41 and we had a baby when I was 42, so it is possible.