To not contribute to DH child maintenance

[Redbean667]

So DH is self employed and gets paid weekly he has 1 DS and pays maintenance to his mum weekly and has child EOW as works away. I have 2 DS and work 12.5 hour shifts and my mum helps me with school pick up and drop offs (both teenagers) when I am working- DSS school is around 1 hour from us as his mums is 40 mins away and it’s 20 mins further from her house.
we had DSS last weekend when his mum rings Sunday late afternoon to say she forgot to say she is on holiday and was already at the airport so DSS will be with us for the week. Due to my shifts and own children I could not work school runs that late notice so DH had to take the week off- unfortunately was a vital week for his work before they finish one job and move to the next so he was let go as had let them down last minute.
He has told ex he lost job and maintenance will not commence until he finds another and he will let her know when this is- she has sent text saying I have to pay it and it’s my responsibility.
I have said absolutely not as I am now trying to find money for our home and bills because she decided to not give adequate notice for her holiday and I actually don’t have enough to cover everything at my home and pay her. Texts from ex are getting increasingly angry as she is in holiday and ‘needed that money while away’ saying what I disgrace I am letting her son go without- I pointed out he hasn’t gone without as is our home.
so AIBU for not paying her

Sounds like she wants you to fund her holiday. I would just block her to be honest.

You're not legally liable for his Child Maintenance.

She can go to CMS and that'll be the end of it (legally).

The rest is fairly immaterial, but it does explain why he is not able to pay right now, so I can see why you included it.

There's no way she forgot she was going on holiday, she didn't tell you deliberately until the last minute.

It's not your responsibility to pay her - it's your husbands. Yes if you could afford it then I think it would be nice for you to but you're worrying about your own bills etc because he lost his job so no, I wouldn't be paying.

How old is your dss?

DSS is 12.
I know she didn’t forget to tell us as this is not the first time something like this has happened with her and she was told last time when she told us on the weekend pick up he needed more notice to plan so I feel the later notice was more proving a point

Of course you are not being unreasonable! I’m genuinely shocked that she thinks it’s your responsibility to fund her holiday (via child maintenance!!)

Ffs, any child maintenance is FOR THE CHILD, for one thing…and secondly, on what planet would you be liable for this anyway! You’re not…she is unhinged! Swanning off on holiday without checking that your husband was able to take annual leave with no notice?? WTAF 😱

DO NOT give her a single penny!! Cheeky bitch!

It's a horrible situation for DH but what his ex has done is the definition of FAFO.

She probably won't try that again.

No, you are not liable for CM. Block her number.

You're not wrong at all, BUT your husband only parenting his child every other weekend is a disgrace. When is she meant to get a break?

Omg this is awful, your husband losing his job, and his poor son.

How is your step son feeling, he will be old enough to understand that this is not due to him but he is in the middle of it

She can go through CMS. I’m sure they’ll tell
her that you are not liable and that he doesn’t have to pay money he doesn’t have.

Yes, I'm very much wondering if she did it this way because she knew he would refuse to have his son for a week unless he was forced to.

Would it not have made more sense for DSS to miss a week of school than husband to miss work? Too late now, but I'd probably have let him stay at home to be honest.

You are not being unreasonable, she is being a CF.

I would use this awful behaviour - springing the holiday on you both without notice, then expecting you to mitigate the consequences financially - to stop communicating with her.

Tell her, from now on, all communications go through her ex and you don't want to hear from her again.

Horrible woman!

This is entirely possible but even if this is what happened, none of it is the OP's responsibility.

Don't engage with her. Leave it for her to sort out via CMS.

Haha tell her the swing. Hopeless mare.

Just block her and let him sort things out.

Block her.

It would have been better for DSS to skip a week of school than your DH to lose his job over it.

There was no one else he could have stayed with - friends, aunt, grandparents? He couldn’t have just chilled with your mum in the day, and then with your teens after school? And with you on your off days? If you work 12hr shifts I assume that’s not Mon-Fri.

Obviously your DHs ex is unreasonable, but seems really extreme and the wrong choice for DH to lose his job over it.

Some women are awful - she should have given notice she would be away to allow things to be sorted your end.

In relation to his job - they shouldn't sack if it's related to dependents emergency care - but depending on if he has a contract or casual work basis.

How awful for everyone. Especially the son who will likely realise his dad has lost his income due to this

well it’s not likely the OP is getting whole weeks away without her own kids, is it? I’m certainly not. Doubt many of us are.

it says that he works away

Could you not have arranged for a childminder to do the school runs? Surely better financially than DH losing his job! Another time that is what I would do, as it may well happen again

As he works away, he would only have been parenting at weekends if they were still living together.
EOW is a fairly standard arrangement when the parents live in different places and so getting to school is only straightforward from one address. Most mums don't want them to go to dad every weekend as then dad gets all the relaxed time.
OP hasn't mentioned arrangements for school holidays, as they are not relevant to this particular situation.

I don't think the complaint is that they're not willing to have DSS, but that this was dropped on them with insufficient notice to make arrangements for the school run.

Ignore my message. For some reason it didn’t quote the poster I was trying to quote.

op she’s a dickhead don’t pay her

Well he has lost his job now so cms will reduce maintenance. Yes he should have looked after his child more. Hopefully he will make arrangements to do that going forward. His ex can't have it both ways so everyone will have tighten their belts. In any case it isn't up to OP to pay anything. Perhaps DSS can move in full time and ex can pay maintenance.