AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

[Sofitella]

AIBU to think my MIL could really do a bit of tidying when she is at our house looking after DC?

Just got home from a business trip and DH had asked her if she could help put DC to bed and supervise until we both got home. I come in from a day that started at 5am and a 3 hour journey home to find the house in a complete tip, dirty dishes, dogs not been let out, DC school bags, swimming bags with wet clothes in etc all just dumped on the floor, she’s lying on the sofa reading.

Now I totally understand that she’s doing us a favour and doesn’t have to do anything…but would you do that? I know I definitely wouldn’t, and if I had some time to kill once the kids are in bed I’d help out by at least sorting out the mess which had occurred on my watch!

Now have to start a major tidy up and I’m so exhausted 😔, and DC are complaining that they haven’t had enough to drink and are thirsty in bed and need water!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

I won’t deny it would be nice if she did, but you absolutely can’t insist or expect her to.

and your kids are asking for water because you’ve been away and they are missing interacting with you not because they are genuinely thirsty- enjoy the cuddle and then pour a glass of wine as you stick the washing machine on.

Are you serious?

I'm sure we had something like this the other week. She did you a favour you didn't hire her!

The only thing that would bother me about what you’ve said is not letting the dogs out.

YABU

She’s not paid help - if the kids are supervised, fed, in bed - you should be happy.

Well, I would have made the kids sort their own bags and swimming stuff - that needs to be ingrained from early on - but apart from that I don’t think she’s done anything wrong. It would have been very nice if she’d decided to do your washing up etc, but I don’t think it’s right for you to expect it. She’s not a nanny or a housekeeper, she was doing you a favour.

I was moaning about the same thing the other day. I would never leave a mess in someone else’s home but it seems acceptable because she’s doing us a favour🫣

Everyone else is saying YABU but I clicked YANBU. A grown adult leaving wet swimming stuff in a bag on the floor. It’s disrespectful and lazy.

i know all the folk will be here soon saying mothers and mother in laws are older and tired etc can’t do things like that. But fuck yes they can. Put the plates in the dishwasher you lazy Deborah!!

Yep. I’d expect a bit more. Yes she’s probably knackered too but in my mind it all goes with looking after the kids.

where’s your DH in all this ?

I wouldn't expect someone who was already doing me a huge favour to tidy up, no. I'd be hugely grateful if they chose to but I wouldn't think badly of them if they didn't.

How old are your children? Can they not ask for drinks or get themselves water?

You asked her babysit. Not be a housemaid.

It would be nice and she really should have let the dogs out, that's cruel. If your husband knows how she babysits then leave the mess to him, but ultimately she's done your family a favour.

@westcott I don’t think tidying up after yourself is being a housemaid

OP isn’t asking the MIL to tidy the house in general, just tidy the top layer mess that was made during her watch. It’s basic stuff. She should be doing it. You don’t go to other people’s houses and leave a mess!

so your kids created that tornado in a short space of time and you think she had time to watch them AND clean?
Another question, if she couldn’t very kindly help you out who else would have did it and why didn’t you ask them instead?

Was your husband on the business trip with you or just an ordinary day at work. If he was just at work he can clear up? If he was just at work how much of the mess was already there when she arrived? Is the swimming kit from today? If your MIL arrived to a mess that your husband has left perhaps she thinks he should clean it up.

I always try and clear up before my daughter gets home from work. Sometimes house is very tidy other times not so tidy . Yes it’s a favour to babysit every Friday .I just try and be as helpful as I can .
Edired to say my daughter certainly doesn’t expect me to do anything apart from keeping her children safe !

Does she work? I look after my grandkids when needed. But if I’ve been to work all day, I’m pretty shattered. I wouldn’t leave mess everywhere but also wouldn’t get stuck into a full on tidy up either.

She should have let the dogs out but that’s all.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
I’ve seen plenty of threads where MILs have been berated for ‘interfering’ in similar circumstances

Im beginning to think us MILs can’t win whatever we do

She would be cleaning up after your kids, though, not herself. Unless she herself shat on the living room floor or something?

Seriously?

no. She’s doing you a favour and you want more?

Your kids and DH created the mess so they should be the ones to clean it up. Not MIL.

She should have let the dogs out but if you are one of these people who don't have a fenced off slabbed area then I can't blame her. Nobody wants to clean up muddy paws and wet dog that aren't theirs.

Yabvvvu to 'expect' anything. Schoolbags, swim gear, dishes, all basic stuff that can be done in a few minutes. Its your dcs mess, so its your mess. And by your, I mean you and dh. Where is your dh in all this?

She should have let the dogs out and cleaned her dishes (presuming they are hers and not from this morning). I wouldn’t have expected her to wash the swimming kit. The dumped school bags are surely on the kids. And none of that is massive, I don’t get how that constitutes the house being a tip? Unless there’s a load more mess totally unrelated to MIL but that wouldn’t be her fault or responsibility to clean up. I don’t really follow tbh.