AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

[Mimimummygranny]

My daughter had arranged her wedding for later this year, then cancelled, telling me by text. Now it’s a small wedding with only two witnesses and at 11 days notice I’m invited to a late lunch hosted by her partner’s mother.
I’m hurt and can’t believe she expects me to drop my work and other commitments (missing a medical appointment) at such short notice.
I don’t want to be unreasonable …..

How close are you? How often do you see her and her partner?

I personally would drop everything for my DDs wedding but the communication does seem odd.

My first thought would be “is everything/one ok?”

Well, she will be saving a fortune.

What sort of medical appointment? I would be reluctant to reschedule an operation but if it’s the dentist or something like then it’s an inconvenience but not something that would stop me going to my child’s wedding.

Have you spoken to her about why? Is she pregnant do you think?

Are you hurt because her partner's parents are hosting rather than you? Yes, I would be sad about that, but I'd still drop everything to attend the wedding.

It’s a bit selfish (weddings often are tbh) but I’d assume there’s a reason and would just be glad they included me in the day.

Why is the partners mum hosting a lunch whats going on that the wedding is cancelled and re planned? Yes I would go but I would be wondering if everyone was alright ?

I think YABU. It's her and her partner's day. Short of a major operation, I wouldn't be bothered about rescheduling work/ appointment.

I'm confused it's the late lunch for the wedding ? Is the wedding in 11 days?
I think deciding to have a quiet wedding is fine but she should have mentioned it to you first t make sure you are free. If the lunch is just a lunch with mother in law to discuss the wedding can you ask her to rearrange it because of your medical appointment? If the wedding is in 11 days I would ask for leave fro work and try and arrange the medical appointment? Does your daughter know about the appointment? And how long have you been waiting for it?

Are you invited to the wedding ceremony? I would be very hurt too, but this is mumsnet, and you’ll be told that it’s her day and you’re being unreasonable

Are his parent going to be the two witnesses?

Perhaps they had a lot of interference from family about what their wedding would be like? Overbearing demands for relatives to be invited, criticism of their plans etc?

That would be a good reason to rethink the format of the wedding.

I'm close to my daughter and if she did this, I'd call her and ask her what was going on as it would be very unusual for her not to discuss it with me in person.
Are you close to your daughter?

Just go OP. Things are shaky between you and this is s chance to do something nice together, celebrating her wedding.

The lack of transparency is hurtful. I’d take the day off before and the day of. Buy an outfit ensure you see them before during and after. Hair done etc

I eloped to New York. We had a party when we got back and both sets of parent involved.

do you feel she favour her partners parents? Try and see her and be involved. Can you throw some money at it for travel if you need to?

More info needed here, it obviously straightforward. How close are you? Are you invited to the ceremony or just the lunch? Were you involved in the other wedding plans? Any cultural differences? Are the in laws much wealthier than you? First marriage for both? Children involved?

Dont drip feed if you want advice/help.

Yes I would be asking, my dd is getting married next summer and I would be concerned about it if plans changed without explanation.

It’s kind of strange behaviour, what has driven the decision to go from a normal sized wedding to tiny one and why the rush? Is it money? Is she pregnant?

Why don’t you phone and ask her if all is okay?

Have you spoken to her? I would imagine she has valid reasons.

So her partner's mother knew before you did? And is hosting the lunch? I wouldn't like that, I'm afraid (though I know it's her wedding, her choice etc.) I'd be a bit worried to be honest. What are the groom and his family like?

My first thought is - is everyone OK. Because there is usually a reason for rushing a wedding. I would want to know if all are OK.
Was it one text telling you the wedding had been cancelled and the new one booked? Did she say why. What was your conversation lile when you called her?

But you ABU if you want to go but on your terms. Its her wedding and regardless of how she chooses to mark/celebrate it, you've been invited. Go or don't go. Work or take AL. Did you say, you're her mother or no?!

Who are the witnesses?

I would be pleased my child had chosen not to waste thousands on a wedding tbh.

I think your daughter's wedding would be a very worthwhile reason for rescheduling an appointment and having time off work. Everybody would understand and expect you to, you'd be unreasonable not to.

As to why she is now going for a quick and simple wedding, you'll have to ask her but maybe she found the whole big wedding planning far too stressful (never mind expensive), and that the marriage is more important than the wedding so why not just do it. That seems quite sensible to me.

Go and do it with good grace. You may find it is a really lovely day.