AIBU to decline a five-day Marbella hen do with a baby?

[LeaLeek]

My friend has invited me to an abroad hen do in Marbella for 5 days next year in early summer. We are close friends but not best friends however in the past she has always let me down with celebrations to the point I just stopped inviting her.

I am not keen on going as the cost is looking to be around 1.5k which I think is too much however I will also be a first time mum and my baby will be 9 months by then. I thought this would be a good enough reason but she wasn't really impressed saying I can just leave the baby with my husband. My husband is a contractor which pays well and him taking 3 days leave for me to go to a hen do is a waste and we also want to save his leave for when I go back to work. What else can I say to her that doesn't include financial/money excuses? Also she has 2 young girls and says she has left them with family when they were babies and had no issues.

I wouldn’t go on that, even if I didn’t have a baby. In fact, I’d be inclined to have a baby just to get out of it. You have a perfect reason not to go, it’s overpriced and sounds awful. Just decline. She doesn’t need an explanation. No is enough and then ignore her.

I would just say no, that doesn't work for my family. You don't need to give in-depth reasons why.

Any “friend” who won’t accept your perfectly valid reason(s) for not attending is not a real friend. If she’s like this now, imagine the hen do! Be firm and no need for further reasons. Best of luck.

No I wouldn’t go especially if she’s let you down witj your celebrations in the past.
Besides that 5 days for a hen do with someone like that? No thanks would be my idea of hell.

I wouldn’t spend £1500 on a hen do regardless of baby and husband.

But regardless of costs, no, I wouldn’t have left my 9 month old for 5 days for a hen do.

I wouldnt use any excuses, I’d just say “sorry I can’t make it, have a lovely time”.

Being annoyed won’t kill her.

The fact that she would make different choices with her family is entirely irrelevant.

Think of all the wonderful things you could do with that money. What a waste of it, and some precious free time, to go to a hen do!! You're at the most difficult stage with a baby and about to return to work.

YBU purely because you don't want to go. Take the baby out of it and tell her, no, sorry but I can't make it. Stop with the drama.

Is she into her social media OP?

Sounds like you’re being invited to make the numbers up for the sake of her posts on the socials.

I was still bf at 9 months, so no. DS was bottle fed but still no!!

£1.5 k for a hen do is obscene- I still don’t get this extreme stag:hen shit. Is it all for SM as 25 years ago when my contemporaries and I got married it was a night in a spa, clubbing, a night in a UK resort, paint balling (stag)etc.

This and also, are the hens paying for the bride? 🤨

@Justwonderingifthisisnormal stop with the drama? Lol yes I don't want to go but also having a young baby is going to be a massive decider as I have no clue what to expect. I've been to plenty of hen dos I've not particularly wanted to go to but still attended when I was childless.

Don’t enter into a conversation about it as she sounds like she’ll rebuff every reason you give her - you have declined and your decision is final.

She also might be finding she is having more than a few declines due to the £1.5k cost and people needing to take at least three days’ annual leave, so she might be trying to desperately persuade people to still come.

Say no, it’s her decision to have a ridiculously expensive hen and therefore she has to accept people cannot go. If she really wanted her friends there she would have done something affordable. Dont enter into a discussion; just say you won’t be coming but you hope she has fun. My daughter js 19 months and I haven’t left her overnight yet

‘No Thanks’ should be enough. You don’t need to make up an excuse. If she presses, you can add ‘I don’t want to’.

Well here's a clue, you don't want to go! Child or no child. You've answered your own question, so the drama is you adding to anything else. Enjoy being at home with your baby or enjoy going to the hen. Anything else is just drama!

That's a ridiculous amount of money for a hen do, plus spending money whilst you're there. If you don't want to go then don't. What ever happened to just going out for a nice meal with friends.

You don’t need to come up with a number of new, inventive ways to say no. Your friend doesn’t have to like it and may have a vested interest in persuading as many people to go as she can to go. But you’ve made your decision.

I wouldn’t rush to keep the dialogue going on it. You’ve said everything you need to say.

Fucks sake, why do some people think that others care so much about them getting married that they will take holiday from work and splash out a ton of money to go on stag/hen dos and then even more money and time to attend the wedding?

It’s such a weird mentality.

My friend has invited me to an abroad hen do

Is it even your friends hen?!

You don't need an excuse, all the reasons you give are enough - it's too expensive, you'll have a small baby by then and most importantly you don't want to!

I have already said no. Then she asked why and I said I don't drink and I doubt I can get childcare thats when she said I can get my husband to take leave. I wish it was as easy as just saying no then no follow up questions asked. She's the type to get easily upset/offended

We don’t pay that for 11 nights all inclusive adults only in a good hotel. Just tell her you can’t justify the money or the time.

It'll serve her right if no one goes. It's too long, too far away and too expensive.

You could've finished the sentence after 'hen do' and wouldn't have been unreasonable.

But what's the problem with giving a refusal that mentions money? 1.5k for a solo holiday plus your husband's lost wages is a looooot. As others have said, you could get all three of you an all inclusive for longer for that.

Doesn’t matter if she’s offended, those are her feelings to manage.

you just say that it’s out of your budget and you don’t plan on leaving your baby for that length of time to be able to go.

I wouldn’t remotely feel bad about it especially as she’s not been there for your events.

as an aside, if you plan to breastfeed you’ll still be feeding a lot at 9mths and unless you pump a lot and regularly then a week away will be the end of breastfeeding.

"Please stop asking me. The answer is still no"

She sounds flakey so you don't owe her anything.

Do not on any account let her guilt trip you into going. People I know never try and guilt trip me into something I don't want to do because when I say no they know I mean it.