AIBU to stop taking calls from a friend who upsets me?

[theodextrey]

I’ve noticed recently my friend of over ten years seems to enjoy bringing up topics regarding myself that are very sensitive. She seems to bring them up for no reason at all, just to remind me how awful it is.

for example regarding my family estrangement she will say “that’s BAD! That’s so BAD!”
she doesn’t have anything kind or reassuring to say when she does this. The circumstances haven’t changed in three years but she repeatedly brings it up every three weeks.

shes also done the same over other very sensitive subjects like child abuse I went through I told her what I experienced, later on she will say that it permanently ruins a woman.

She’s done this with other topics as well. I tried to give her grace since her mother passed away recently, I think she has untreated bipolar disorder. Her husband is on drugs and can’t hold a job, she also is in her early 50s and still breastfeeding her 6 year old child because she believes it will delay menopause. I think she’s stressed and lashes out at me

I quit taking her calls because I was left feeling awful after getting off of the phone with her.
She’s done this with other topics like my suicidal depression, told me she has no sympathy for weak people who do that.

She is not your friend.

She’s not a friend she is an abuser who is enjoying abusing you!! Block her

Right she's breastfeeding a six year old....that alone is reason to get shot!

It's about power, make you feel shite and you life seems as much a fuck up of a life as hers . Think when her kids at uni she's going to be in her 60s.... poor kid

I know this sounds crazy but we became friends when I was young, she’s 15 years older than me.

I’ve noticed she has always treated men in her life openly horrible, but with me it was more passive aggressive and I had a harder time recognizing it until the last few years.

Even now I question if I’m being sensitive. I grew up in an abusive household so harder for me to spot passive aggression :(

she’s always been the kind to embarrass me in front of a group, and she does this to others as well. Then if you say something “calm down I’m joking “

She has a very strange thing with her daughter, her daughter has a speech delay (talks like a much younger child) but my friend won’t get her checked out because she thinks the baby talk is cute. My friend encourages the baby talk

You need to EXIT this relationship NOW.
She is not your friend.

Maybe because she treats her like a baby.... irrespective of that, she's 6... imagine what the other kids at school would have said if your were being breastfed at 6

I know the child is embarrassed about it and has shame around it. The child clams up embarrassed when my friend talks about it to others.

If this is true, your friend sounds absolutely unhinged. She’s weird. Give her a very wide berth.

Block her calls.

We have relationships with other unrelated people for the mutual benefits that friendship brings both parties. If you're not getting any positives from this one, and I can tell you now you're not, then what's the point? Ditch her and relish the severing of the negativity.

Life is hard enough for most people, why make it harder for yourself? Keep relationships that are good for you and swerve any negative ones as much as possible. You deserve better than this.

I would also do her child a favour and report this awful set of parents to the social services! A drug addict for a dad and a mum who’s forcing her 6 year old to breastfeed to avoid menopause - that’s child abuse as well!! Do the poor child a favour on your way out and make sure she’s getting some help from the proper people

On the basis that her lifestyle is not normal I would dump her as a friend . Fucking weirdo . You don't need some older woman who treats you badly in your life . Did she also try to conceive at 44 to delay aging or menopause.

She tried for years to conceive, got pregnant by a guy she barely knew. They got married and he ended up chronically unemployed and on hard drugs.

I felt sorry for her because he has used her, driving and wrecking her cars, breaking her things(he’s a nincompoop),not supporting his kids(has kids from previous marriage he neglected financially)

she has changed for the worst the past years, she had her moments of being kind, funny but the stress of everything made her really nasty :(

CPS was called on them a few years ago (I’m not sure who called) this woman has very strong, strange ideas at times, like regarding her child’s diet, parenting ideas. She is impossible to reason with.

If she's prepared to embarrass her kid.. she's happy to throw you under the bus... distance yourself now

You can confide in other people regarding sensitive information about yourself, or there are places online. But I wouldn’t be telling this woman anything else about yourself. You can also refuse to answer her calls, or block her, anything you feel happy with. She isn’t treating you like a friend and it’s okay to acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

And if this child is at school, someone will know about the speech thing, don’t worry.

Breastfeeding? Let it go.

Someone at the school mentioned her child needed an audiologist to have her ears checked. This woman was so offended by the teacher saying something she lied and told the teacher the child just had impacted ear wax and she didn’t take the child to get her ears checked. She takes any perceived criticism very personally

Seems to me that you would do better for yourself in the long run to learn to stand up for yourself instead of running away by cutting her off.

The more you write about her, the more I am thinking YOU are not her friend. You have written very private and judgemental things about her and her daughter.

You can always walk away. Not everyone is a one stop shop. So she says 'that's bad' in response to your issues, take the hint. She doesn't have the capacity, look what you have revealed, the woman is dealing with the recent death of her mother, an abusive marriage with a feckless addict, parental anxiety and stress.

If you can't be her friend, then maybe find someone else for support and let's hope your former friend and her daughter find their support.

She sounds very odd. I would keep my distance.

YABU because you know her attitude is wrong, misguided and probably tainted by her horrific childhood trauma and subsequent drug use. Stop talking/judging her (no matter how right you are). She cannot be your friend right now. Seek the friendship that's supports you (and vice versa) for a happier and overall healthier life. For your sake and hers.

OP, this is ridiculous. Why would you even consider remaining friends with someone you (a) don’t like or respect (2) who treats you unkindly (3) whom you think has an unmanaged MH condition and (4) whose own life is a worrying total car crash?

A version of this comes up on Mn with concerning regularity. ‘Would I be unreasonable to stop being friends with someone awful?’

Her husband is on drugs. She’s the one who says my childhood trauma has ruined me

Right. she doesn’t have the capacity, but continues to prod me regarding these issues.
I think it’s best for me to cut her off.

I think it’s best for me to cut her off.

Yes. I agree.