Very sensitive toddler

[ForLovingTealSheep]

My daughter is 3 years 3 months and I’m trying to understand other parents’ experiences with sensitive/anxious toddlers because I go back and forth wondering what’s typical.
At home she’s actually doing really well in a lot of areas:

• plays independently for pretty long stretches (pretend play, books, dinosaurs, doctor games, etc.)
• follows multi-step instructions
• has good imaginative play and makes up dialogue
• can sit for circle-time type activities for around 15 minutes
• shares and generally plays well with other kids
• sleeps well and usually regulates herself pretty well

But she’s also very sensitive in certain situations. For example:

• if lots of kids are crowding a slide/playground area she can get overwhelmed and cry
• she gets nervous in unfamiliar places or when driving somewhere new or when new peppa are in the house she gets overly silly to mask her
• she’s more of a cautious “slow to warm up” child

At the same time, she actually does pretty well once settled in smaller social situations like birthday parties or playgroups. Because of this we’ve decided not to send her to kindergarten/preschool yet and wait a bit longer until she feels more emotionally ready. I guess I’m just wondering:

• did anyone else have a very sensitive/cautious 3-year-old?
• did they grow out of the overwhelm with age/exposure?
• how did you help build confidence in group settings without forcing it too hard?

Would love to hear other parents’ experiences.

She doesn't sound overly sensitive to me. It's normal and expected to be more overwhelmed in busy environments. Busy parks are overstimulating for adults, and we don't have the very real worry of being pushed or knocked over by other boisterous kids. Sounds like she'd really enjoy preschool with her ability to concentrate, take turns and role play.

I’m the mum of a highly sensitive child and I would strongly advise getting her into a preschool.

My little girl was a lot more sensitive/anxious than you have described in your post. Since starting preschool at 3 1/2 she’s completely changed. She still has some anxieties and sensitivities but overall she is much more confident and things that had previously been impossible with her are totally fine now. She’s actually considered quite loud and outgoing by her teachers which is not something I would have ever expected to happen. She’s also loving learning and the change of scenery everyday.

From what you’ve posted those seem like pretty typical behaviours and I wouldn’t particularly be concerned about them. But I do think preschool would be really beneficial. I was so worried about sending dd to preschool as I honestly didn’t think she would cope but it’s honestly been the best decision

Not again.

Please please please stop this obsessing. She's perfect the way she is.

Send her to nursery so she can be free of your analyzing her endlessly for ND.

I wish there was a way I could help your little one.

Yep, agree with @Daisymae55 I’d get her into pre-school rather than holding her back.

The longer you keep her under your wing, the harder it will be for you/her to let go.

The most confident children are the ones used to an environment. It’s much more difficult for children to settle in somewhere when all the other children know the expectation but they don’t.

Childminder here!
Absolutely sounds perfectly normal to me- I wouldn't say she was particularly over sensitive but she would benefit greatly from going to preschool, even if its for 2 or 3 sessions a week. Socialising is very important- it helps them and teaches them how to deal with other people/ children in bigger groups, which, in turn, gets them ready for school.

Sounds very normal to me

I agree, nursery or preschool would probably be great for her. Both of mine have gone part-time from one, but DD1 in particular is quite a cautious child. She was a toddler during Covid and I noticed huge differences in her confidence levels during the lockdowns when she couldn’t attend nursery. She really benefits from a nursery/school environment to actually build and reinforce her confidence.

Actually sounds like she really needs playgroup/preschool and would enjoy it a lot. It would help boost her confidence and give her some experience navigating social situations and friendships with kids with different personalities

There's nothing wrong with being slow to warm up and waiting for her to be emotionally ready is a folly - this is just her personality - and it's not a bad one :)

Being nervous around new people or new environments is normal. Imagine the stark opposite, completely outgoing, no fears at all, leaping off playground equipment and running off with any adult or kid who says hi to them.. scary!.. now that would come with it's own challenges and there are children like that. I'm sure their parents would get on here and ask for help assisting them to be more mindful/slow to judge character !!!

You need to speak to a therapist about your anxiety, I've just read your other threads!

So she's been to preschool and you've pulled her out totally?

Find a forest school or something she can be a bit more wild and free

You're doing her a disservice for constantly being on the watch for nd symptoms and googling every single developmental stage, you said you've been to a pediatrician too?
Just enjoy your time with her as it's going to slip by with you obsessing over nd xx

Not again. OP please get help for this obsession. It's not good for your poor child 😢

Here we fucking go again...

@ForLovingTealSheep Your daughter seems to be a very lovely, very normal little girl. She would benefit from attending preschool, even if on a part time basis to start with, to help build up her confidence and have fun with other children. It's perfectly normal and ok if she seems shy or more cautious than others, we all have different personalities.

You, on the other hand, do not come across as a well adjusted, mentally healthy individual. I have read many of your threads, I wish you would take people's advice and get help - for yourself. You are at great risk of messing up your little girl and damaging your chances of having a close relationship with her if you don't accept that your need to analyse every thing she does and says and look for problems is not at all normal.

I’ve just caught up on previous posts. OP, you need to get yourself some help because your extreme anxiety and obsession with this will harm your daughter. She currently sounds like a normal 3yo, they all have different temperaments, personalities, quirks, dislikes. But if you keep on going the way you are, you will ruin her childhood and set her up for a lifetime of anxiety and struggle as an adult. You are the problem here, not her, please seek help.

I suspect this is shouting into the void, but you are pathologising normal 3yo behaviour and feeding your own mental health problems. If you can’t find it in you to seek help for yourself then please do it for the sake of your child. Don’t let her childhood become all about you and your issues. These threads I suspect are just feeding your obsession so please stop making them.

you Sound extremely anxious and trying to project this on your Lo. I have a toddler the same age and what you’ve described her is so bog standard normal. Are you trying to diagnose her for some reason.? This isn’t normal how you have analysed her to this extent. Becareful op, she might develop some serious issues if you carry on like this

Child sounds normal.
what’s not normal though is your obsessive listing
please ask your HV & GP for support for YOU.
you’ve posted about this a lot, and I’m feeling like this is Münchausen syndrome by proxy. You need help and support yourself.

She sounds completely normal but she does need to start preschool or nursery ASAP. She needs to have more experience being away from you - it’s only going to get harder the longer you leave it. You need to get yourself some mental heath support; having seen your precious posts.

Preschool is ideal for getting kids used to others in small groups. Definitely send her now, the shock at starting school if not exposed to preschool will be harder for her otherwise.
Even better if there's a preschool connected to the primary she'll start at.

She sounds totally normal to me. Get her into pre school for a few sessions a week asap.

Kindly put youvare overthinking this and seriously depriving your daughter from other experiences by not sending her to preschool/ kindergarten. One important thing is the leaving her and collecting her rather than always being with her.

She needs even a couple of days at nursery or school is going to overwhelm her. She needs exposure slowly and school doesn't do that

She's just a bit shy and quiet. I find people completely expect adults to have a full range of "massive extrovert/super outgoing" to "introvert, shy, prefers small groups and 121 friendships" but then when it comes to children it's seen that the norm is that they should all love playing as a massive group all the time, otherwise there's something wrong.
Maybe she will always find large groups a bit much, nothing wrong with that (me too love!) Or maybe she will grow out of it. Maybe she will always be a bit shy and need some warm up time, or maybe she will grow out of it. Either way, it's not a problem or wrong, it's just her vibe.
Roll with what makes her feel happy and confident, keep trying new things, expose her to differen scenarios, expect that she might need a bit more warm up time or find it tricky at the start, and with a bit of time, she'll become exactly who she is meant to be.

I'd definitely try a bit of pre school, but find a nice one that suits her personality and is maybe a bit smaller and quieter, and let her gradually build her time up.

What you are describing sounds absolutely normal and was my experience. What exactly do you expect from a 3 year old?! I think you are making a huge mistake not sending her to preschool where she can develop confidence and independence. It would also give her time away from you which, given your issues with her behaviour, would be a good thing. Because much as you try not to, you will project your worries onto her and that’s not good

Oh it’s you again.

Really wow 🤩 I am so happy to hear such a positive story.

She sounds like a lovely and perfectly ordinary little girl. Would you be able to access any therapy for your anxiety? It might really benefit you and her.