Ex MIL keeps asking me for money

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a child with my ex husband and we have been separated for many years. Ex-H has DS a couple of times a week and in that time, he can also visit his grandmother etc.

The last few times DS has been at his granny's was because she had requested to see him and asked if he could stay (I havent initiated etc). Once DS arrives (this is usually after a night at his dads etc), then ex MIL will ring or text me that evening asking for £10 for the following day.

The past couple of times I have just sent it up as it was a novelty that DS was staying the night etc. However, its now every time he stays, even if she asks to see him and ita not me asking for a favour etc (which then I could see why giving a bit of money would be reasonable)

I asked DS what he got up to with his granny. They had took the bus into town and wandered around a couple of hours and came home. A bus ticket for DS is around £2. The rest of the day was at home.

I asked ex MIL this time why she didn't ask her own son for this money when he dropped him off. Apparently, she says its because ex-h pays me CMS so therefore it should be me giving this to her (I get £30 a week, so not exactly the big bucks).

AIBU to put my foot down and say no more money will be given to her unless its for a specific activity? And that the cost has to be run by me first before he can stay as well?

I barely have much money left now as I am paying off a wedding in two months time.

Is she on a secret mission to claw back her son's CM? Is she worried his worried his 30 a week is going towards your wedding?

Does you ex know about this? I would tell him but couch it in a 'I am worried about ex-mil, she has been asking me for money. Is everything okay?'

I think you are right to nip this in the bud. If your ex wants to see his son then he is reponsible for meeting any expenditure that weekend. Your ex MIL should be asking him for the money or planning more economical outings. Next time she asks just say as your son and do not reply.

Just say no and tell her if she can’t afford to have DS round you’ll be happy to pick him up right away.

She has little to worry about, the £30 a week I get is barely noticed in comparison to what I pay monthly for my DS

Just start refusing to let him go, and say you can’t afford it. She can see him in her son’s time and bill him instead.

Remind MIL that her son gives you 30 quid a week and giving her one third of that is unreasonable.

His mother is for your ex to deal with.

He sets up times for his mom to see your child on his custody time only. You have zero to do with their arrangements and do not give her any more money. If anyone gives her money for her to do something with your child, it should be her son.

Why get married when you are already in this shit show??

Your child is nr. 1 in your life, or should be...

Tell her if she can't afford to have him then she can't. Explain to her she's not doing paying her childcare money as she's family. If she's not taking him out you're more than happy for him to be at home with you.

WOW she is cheeky I would just ignore her requests for money

How is the OP in a shit show? She gives no indication that her child isn’t her number 1 priority.

So because OP has a shittly and greedy ex-MIL and a shitty ex-husband, she shouldn't get married again?

Do you judge everyone with kids who have second marriages or are you just one of those posters who always like to judge and blame the OP?

Her son has probably told her that he has no money because he has to give you loads of money a week, he probably hasn’t told her the amount!

It's in your ex's time, so it's nothing to do with you. I wouldn't give her money at all. Don't muddy the waters by giving money for an activity: if your ex wants your DS to do an activity in his time then he should be paying for it.

Immediately stop giving her any money, and tell her you won't be giving her anymore and that includes activities. If that means she stops seeing your son then so be it. Also stop asking her for favours - this behaviour shows your ex MIL really dislikes you.

Give her £4.28 that’s 1 days worth of the £30 a week her son gives you for him.

Paying for your wedding or anything else in your life is nothing to do with this absolute cheeky fuckery.
I could understand if you asked her to have DS paying her something but you aren't she is asking to see him and if she wants money for that it's her own DS she should ask not you. £30pw is barely covering very much for your DS so why she thinks she will have a tenner of that I don't know. Bloody CF's never fail to astound me.

Just say no. Stupid woman.

ETA- MIL is stupid, not you.

Tell her now before she asks again. Tell her you get £30 a week from his father which is nowhere near half the cost of raising a child.

I’d tell her to get fucked. She sounds vile.
If you don’t want to say that then ignore all her messages.

I wouldn’t even do this. The time he spends with his dad is already deducted from what you get in csm. His dad is supposed to provide for him entirely on his time. The cms is for the time he’s with you.

Hi MIL appreciate you looking after DS however I just can’t afford to give you money when he is with you. As you may be aware your son gives me £30pw child maintenance which does not cover much so me giving you £10 pw is taking that away from family funds. Going forward if you need money when you are with DS please ask your son. DO NOT GIVE THIS WOMAN ANY MORE!! Cheeky bint

That's ridiculous she's asking for money. Say no.
She should be embarrassed that her son only pays £30 a week for his own child - but no, she wants some of it.

I wouldn’t pay her anything. I’d do what pp says and reply, “I get £30 a week for ds and I have to buy pay for all his clothes and shoes and the little extras like taking a gift to his friend’s birthday. I don’t spend £10 on an evening meal and breakfast - he’s be happy with vegetable pasta for dinner and some cereal and a cup of milk for breakfast. If you can’t afford to feed ds, then I’m happy for you to bring him back to me next time before dinner, although that would be a shame for him as I know he enjoys his visits to see you.”

She is batshit. Tell her if she wants to see your son fair enough but you are not paying her to do so. I would also make sure she knows just how little her son pays, he may well have told her he pays more.