In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Sacked why?

Sacked or made redundant? Very different things and a very different conversation you'd need to be having with your husband off the back of either scenario.

At a minimum he can take over the child care drop offs and house work - might motivate him to speed up his job search!!

They wanted to relocate his job to the continent he works with (Asia - he was working with Asia remotely for 4 years, but they want someone on the ground there) was the official reason, unofficially his boss had it in for him, he can be very outspoken and pig headed, I’m wondering if he was also too slow and too into details and not able to crack on, as seeing how slow he’s been with job searching…
it took him around 2 weeks to get his cv done, and therefore 2 weeks to apply for the first role

I love him and I think he’s wonderful hence having 2 children with him and marrying him. But I am very frustrated with how slow it’s going, worried we will sink into debt as our savings won’t last forever

They wanted to relocate his job that he has done for four years and he didn't want to go? Could be a case of constructive dismissal.

I've taken 18 months to get a new job. You need a different CV for each role. Interview prep takes a solid week. It's hard out there.

He wasn’t given the option to go. He’s signed a settlement agreement for 11k now, so we can’t retrospectively fight it in court due to what it says in the agreement

Draw up a list of housekeeper 'tasks' that he'll be able to do, pop in his calendar school pick ups, after school clubs and weekly grocery lists that he'll need to be responsible for until he's working again.

Thanks for this, but we don’t have enough savings to last us 18 months , with 2 young children and a mortgage to pay:

really really worried

Some people hit the ground running but to be fair this must have been an awful shock to him and cvs do take a while but yes he could be a procrastinator and expecting something to fall into his lap. That or he thinks the redundancy will cover ye for the moment

Ok so he's signed it and what's done is done - but he wasn't sacked. I think that's a very pejorative term to use and unfair under these circumstances.

I think you need to both agree some time to sit down and talk about the future. No point doing it in dribs and drabs. You need an hour without distractions so that you can understand - in detail - the efforts he is making and what the timelines look like in terms of your finances running out - as I say, in detail.

No mithering over dinner or just before bed - an hour, sat down at the table together, to jointly talk things through in depth. And as other people say, if he's not looking for work during the majority of the day then he needs to take more responsibility for the running of the household and the childcare.

Has he registered for unemployment benefits?
Has he considered taking ANY job?
Has he registered with any agencies?

Yes he only had a week and then they got rid of him

He might be able to get some benefits, also see if you can switch your mortgage to interest only for a time. And let him take over the childcare and housework, it’s only fair. Can you up hours at work or are you already full time?

I am wondering if they just wanted rid, if it wasn’t an issue for 4 years for him to not be in location (he travelled there lots) why is it suddenly an issue now,
I feel like his boss used it as an excuse to get rid of him

I’m on maternity leave currently, baby 8 months old, going back from next week because of this; 2 days a week to get some money coming in. I don’t have the childcare to do more, my husband ‘can’t possibly do the childcare as he’s too busy applying for jobs’

yet where are the interviews then

If your wage just about covers the mortgage, and he got a deal for £11k, I think you should be able to make that last longer than 2 months. I'd sit down and look at all your outgoings and cut what you can back for now. I'd also look at if you can take a break from your mortgage. And work out when he needs to take any work versus a job he wants. I'd also make sure he's claiming job seekers.

I would suggest he needs to have a good look at his CV - is he applying in the same field? How niche is it? How transferable are his skills.
Lots of roles come from contacts rather than cold applications, so he needs to be really proactive on LinkedIn - update his profile, show recruiters that he’s available for work, contact his existing connections and make new ones in areas / organisations that he’s interested in.
I don’t think you said how old he is, but, if ‘older’ he may want to only show the past 10 years’ experience on his CV plus relevant qualifications. I say that as someone in their 50s who was made redundant last year and did this. Has he contacted recruitment agencies for contract work as well as perm?
If he struggles to get organised maybe a daily list or dedicated time each day to get these things done would help?

Yeah he's going to have to change his mindset on that. He could job hunt 3 days a week and you could work 4, and he can job hunt whilst the baby naps.

I’ve just started a new role after looking for a year, it’s hard out there. It’s important to have communication and discuss concerns on both sides in this situation, he’s probably just as worried as you are

Well none of us know for sure. I don't think there is any point in dwelling on it now either to be honest. He's probably reeling a bit too isn't he? I would be.

I am sorry but have you looked at the labour market at the moment? It depends on jobs of course but if I was made redundant in my field will take a minimum of 5-6 months to get another role. A month is nothing. I understand the anxiety but you need to chill and build savings so that doesn’t happen again..

You need to make an application for universal credit asap.

Lots of recruiters seem to want to have chats with him and it takes an hour, it never comes to anything

he’s always busy having to pick things up on Facebook market place or is baking bread,

always something that isn’t cracking on all day on the job game.

he sits on his phone for ages I ask him what he’s doing he says applying for jobs, got no way to know if this is true.

now I have to do our toddlers breakfast and morning after breastfeeding overnight and I’m knackered as he needs to ‘go swimming’ to set him up for the day,

I feel like I’m being squeezed more and more, and nothing is coming out of all these chats, a trip to London to see so and so, another one he wants to go to the end of this month;

fed up