Race to the bottom on MN

[coulditbeme2323]

Due to all 3 kids now at school I have gone from a bit of a lurker to a poster, and can't help notice that there is a race to the bottom mentality on MN when somebody asks for financial help.

Now let me prefix this by saying I think there is great budgeting posts and advice on here that help people - that is not what I am talking about.

It's the "get rid of Netflix" or " eat meat once a week"

I mean perish the thought that somebody with not much money who doesn't have holidays, days out, etc - gets to watch the odd boxset or have a bacon sandwich!

Agree.

Also a lot of posters with limited understanding of the variations in cost of living based on age / stage.

There is quite a confusing juxtaposition whereby the average salary after tax is ~£2k a month… meanwhile for many that’s the cost of the mortgage on a three bed semi or one month of nursery fees.

I’ve noticed almost everyone on “what’s your income” threads has an income far above the national average. Sub 50k being rarely sighted.
But then on other threads absolutely everyone is suddenly having to live off cold baked beans from the community fridge for their dinner? And making a chicken last an entire month?

An interesting phenomenon

I‘M not sure I follow your argument. I don’t begrudge anyone a bacon sandwich or a box set as per your examples, but not having subscriptions services such as Netflix is surely an option worth considering if money is tight and advice is being sought on how to save money?

Because half the threads are ridiculous people saying the have an income of 100k+ and can't afford to eat. Like come on. There is thread currently going where op and partner earn 125k between them and she states their average earners. People on this site are batshit

Because life isn't supposed to be miserable.

Maybe I haven’t seen the threads you’re talking about so maybe I’m missing the point. but if I’m in a situation where I have no money, the first thing I’d do is stop or cut back on non essentials. I’m struggling to see what the issue is with that. Yes I agree that life shouldn’t be miserable but if I can’t afford to eat or pay my electricity, I definitely can’t afford non essentials. I don’t understand what’s wrong with that, yes it would be hard but it’s sensible budgeting. Paying for non essentials is just going to get me in worse financial trouble which would be miserable.

I get you OP. When we were really struggling, both working full time plus I had a part time job as well, someone suggested we cancel Sky (pre streaming days, didn’t have sports or movies). I said we already never, ever went on a night out, didn’t get takeaways, no meals out, no holidays - we were basically at home or work. Why would we cancel the only source of entertainment we had? Obviously if you’ve got every single streaming service going, it’s worth considering if you should cancel some of them - but to keep one to stop you from being bored out of your mind is unlikely to be the difference between losing your home and living well!

Fair enough but what sort of other "financial help" can someone give if the poster is skint enough to post on a forum but not skint enough to get rid of Netflix.

PPs are hardly going to tell them to stop buying bog roll

I think people sometimes post for a moan then resent PPs suggestions. What’s wrong with cancel Netflix, eats less meat, walk or cycle where possible, take packed lunch? When I was growing up we naturally did all this without considering ourselves miserable. Add to that I made my own clothes. I know a lady who made nettle soup but I’d call that a step too far. Would you rather advice was max out your credit card or raid the magic money tree?

Can you point us in the direction of these threads?

I think it's easy for people to say 'cancel x y or z' like everyone who is skint hasn't already thought of that.

Or suggest shopping in Aldi or Lidl. Or batch cooking.

I went through a tough few years where after food shopping I had no money left over. I didn't have Netflix, I have basic sky (but I have no aerial so need tv some how). I could have cancelled my gym membership (below £20) but it was the only thing keeping me sane. The only thing left was to get rid of the cats, which was never going to happen. I buy toiletries from Amazon so I keep Prime for that alone. I'm out of that now but I'm always careful and log every penny I spend on my card on a spreadsheet every evening.

I take lunch in to work because I'm fussy, and I enjoy the peace and quiet when everyone else sods off to buy their lunch.

People need to be taught how to budget and track their spending,not just cut out x and you'll be fine. Once you start seeing where your money is going (and not just on Netflix) it's actually quite eye opening. I once spent a ridiculous amount on coca cola and chocolate one week (must have been a hard week).

Op can I ask what you think people should be saying to posters who are asking for advice on saving money? As I said, I haven’t seen the threads but am still not really understanding what responses would be ok, if things like your examples are not?

I like the posters who are absolutely minted, totally rolling in it, definitely richer than anyone else in their circles, but nobody knows it because they never spend it and have shit houses, haircuts, holidays and cars. And how do they know they're the richest people in their circles? Because everyone else has shit houses, haircuts, holidays and cars...

Someone told me that my kids shouldn’t be having swimming lessons because I receive a UC top up!

Unless someone explicitly states that they're just looking for a place to get it all out, what type of suggestions are they expecting to hear? Cut out unnecessary expense, usually the things that make life a bit more fun. If there were easy ways to save money that didn't involve some sort of sacrifice, surely everyone would already be doing them.

I can see how someone might feel annoyed at the idea that cutting back on more expensive foods or small luxuries like streaming services would somehow solve all their problems and make them flush with cash, but... What else are people meant to suggest? There are only so many ways to cut back on spending, unfortunately.

When you have no money, there will be some things you can’t buy.

So, it’s a choice between a joy filled menu with meat every night, or Netflix and meat 3 times a week.

It’s not joyless to live within your means- at least, not more joyless than being in debt.

When you ask for financial help, surely you’re looking for opinions on what to prioritise “

It doesn't have to be, but when I see someone rocking up to a food bank with a personal number plate.

It's such advice that should get people thinking. Do I need a £35 a month phone subscription? Do I need sky, Netflix and prime? Do I need hinz beans, wouldn't Lidl do the job? Do we need a takeaway on a Friday, wouldn't a barbeque be just a treat? Should I buy a £15 bottle from majestic or an £6.50 from Lidl.... I will Google wine experts and see.

So many people waste money and don't think about what they are doing, so suggesting you drop Netflix isn't a bad thing. It might get people thinking where else to save money.

Someone was saying the other day people on uc shouldn't have a fridge 🤣🤣

It does help to be grey. Now I am 70, still work PT, have state pension and a small occupational pension, but we own our (nice) home outright. We obviously pay income tax on everything over our state pension. Recently DH has been costing the NHS for complex advanced treatments to save his sight. We shall continue to pay tax until we die, and our heirs will also face a whacking IHT charge. I don't object to paying, although I might wince at the bill, and I definitely disagree with how much of the revenue is spent.

We have two phones, with unlimited data plans for £16 monthly on Tesco. I can chat away to my mate in NZ pretty much FOC for hours. In the 1980s, talking to my boyfriend (now DH) for a few minutes each week landed us with a bill of £500 per month. Different stuff is expensive

Sadly a huge swathe of MN posters would probably agree (that's if it wasn't someone on here who said it to you!!)

Being skint is like being overweight, you cannot truly understand the struggle unless you've been there. We all know the theory but we don't all understand the plight.

Budgeting advice is often well meaning but someone who has every streaming service available telling someone who has only the basic Netflix to cancel their subscription to save £6 a month truly has no idea.

@Crunchymum, I am not telling you how to spend what you have. I have already said that I pay every last ha'penny of tax that I am required to pay on my income. So, if it is not enough for you, and you are younger than me, then it might be the right moment to ramp up your effort. I have been skint, but I have never been fat. I can control my weight; I haven't always been in control of my employment opportunities.

Exactly. When I read the posts on here and I think you're not poor or badly off. A little of choices which can be made coukd help you're situation.
As an (now ex) teacher in a poverty area of North East England we had kuds who were really living in poverty and others who just said they were.
Families who didn't have electricity, food, struggled to buy clothes, didn't have phones, where others are on iphones £40 month, Internet, tattoos, make up done, hair extensions, out drinking a few times a month2 or 3 holidays a year.

Yes life should be enjoyable but you have to get rid of non essentials if you are struggling to afford essentials!

Maybe I'm tired but i've read and re-read your posts @Papyrophile and I'm not sure what you are on about? Although you seem keen to steer the conversation in a certain direction.

I'm not sure what IHT, income tax or how tax revenue is spent has to do with the OP's question, other than to turn this into a benefits bashing thread.

As for ramping up my efforts? I'm totally lost.

Yes, and I’m vegetarian. It can be a cheaper way of eating. They’re certainly two obvious suggestions.