Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

He’s clearly not up to your expected high standards so if that’s a deal breaker for you then finish it with him.

I cannot imagine being remotely bothered about this (and I like nice food) if I actually liked someone. If you don’t then obviously finish it but if you otherwise like him then it would be a silly reason to finish something IMO

Bloody hell, if that’s a dealbreaker for you then set this one free - he deserves better!

You sound pretentious. If it’s a problem of wording maybe it’s worth discussing. He did cook himself.
It was home-cooked. Maybe you need to give him a definition of what constitutes home-cooking and an instruction leaflet on how to ensure he meets standards. If you otherwise have a fun time with this guy and you get on it would be a shame to be an arse. But that said, if this is truly a let down then both of you deserve better and you should call it a day. Don’t humiliate him with the above and just call it off politely.

Depends what you’re after from this relationship.
If you’re looking for a future husband, the low effort here is a good guide to what you’ll get in future (and probably less, assuming this WAS him making an effort.)
If you just want some fun and some company, I don’t think it’s a dumpable offence. Just ask him to take you out for dinner instead, next time!

Yep!

Depends. Do you actually like him otherwise? Good conversation? Does he want to do things to make you happy, genuinely, and vice versa?
Because yeah as a home cooked meal for someone you're really into that is very low effort. Unless maybe he's 20 and/or new to cooking...

This is hilarious. You can't be this pretentious surely.

Yeah I’d like long term ideally. We are always told to not settle for less than we deserve so I think your words are wise.

You should definitely end the relationship. You are looking for problems so it’s got absolutely no chance whatsoever.

My thoughts exactly. You and your friends should stay single and sit around talking smugly about the high high standards you all deserve.

“Feedback my disappointment”? Christ, it’s not TripAdvisor. He made you tea. Three courses. None of them grim. If that’s the limit of his culinary ability (and not everyone enjoys cooking) then he made an effort and you’re just being a snob about his supermarket (oh the humanity!) food.

Hopefully you will live up to his expectations when he asks you to turn up and do something that he is good at.

For example he might be expecting you to turn up and strip down a car engine for him.

Or, you could just, you know, accept people are good at different things and it's the team that counts.

I do like him, he made an effort on the early dates, but this was eye opening how poor an effort he made!

I don't think this is low effort exactly, I think he did make an effort but his standards / cooking ability is just much lower than yours. So I wouldn't bin him for not making an effort for you, but you can bin him for not being a good cook if you like.

I think this wouldn’t bother you if you really liked him. I also think it’s possible that if he knows you like food, he went for a “safer” option of shop bought stuff that basically all he has to do it heat up, because there’s less risk he messes it up. Not everyone can cook.

I think people have different definitions of home cooked. What he did isn’t what I’d consider home cooked, but a PP disagrees.

He's not a great cook, if you can't live with that dump him. But he did try...

Perhaps he's not good at cooking...?

It sounds like it’s him who should run for the hills to be honest. I can’t believe the ungratefulness on display in that post. Nothing wrong with supermarket gyozos, and I can completely understand reaching for one of those Spice Tailor kits or whatever if he didn’t have the time/confidence to cook the curry completely from scratch. It was a date not an episode of Come Dine with Me!

Wow.

Don't promise home cooked food then!

P.S. on the same level of daft reasons, I’d dump you for not being able to use a fucking apostrophe properly.

I’ve lived alone for so many years that hospital food was delicious - someone made it and brought it me?!

but if it’s a deal breaker for you then it is. Personally I would give it a chance, he might not be confident cooking but he made the effort he could

He made you a curry!

You can judge him for whatever you like. I might judge you for being unable to use punctation properly. That's just me. It's a date, not a job interview. You don't have to justify yourself to HR for saying no.