To wonder why people seem to often know their neighbours less well now?

[Giselle374]

I've been thinking about this. My grandmother was a teacher and parent in the 1960s and 70s, and she was friendly with most of the neighbours. She had had years off when the kids were young (though she then went back and worked full time as a teacher) so maybe this helped give her more time to befriend the neighbours?
I've seen some articles say women not being temporary or permanent SAHMs as much is a factor, but I'm sometimes a bit sceptical as some seem to have an agenda of women working being bad. Also puts all the onus on community networking onto women rather than their husbands..

There's surely other reasons...moving is more common, for one. Collapse of community institutions which might have facilitated neighbour friendships more. And the lack of secure housing, renting more common etc In some cases, second homes meaning the residents aren't there a lot of the time (my DM' neighbours, for one)

I think a lot of people decide they absolutely do not want any kind of relationship with anyone outside their own insular bubble. Then they say they Don’t understand where the ‘village’ went

Definitely some people on MN seem to be like this. It's an odd attitude. I can understand being frazzled and not having the energy but is this the only reason?

I wonder if maybe SM has replaced chatting with neighbours/nearby acquaintances for some.

I think it is because we are so busy. People work further from home and have longer commutes. Less time out of the workforce after having a child. Kids don't always go to the nearest school like they used to.

Also the way we socialise has changed. When I was younger my parents would invite other families over for dinner or a bbq, very casual. Or a drop in for a cup of tea. However now people want to go to a coffee shop or restaurant, or dinner at home needs to be a dinner party.

When I think about knowing the neighbours I think about housewives chatting in the stairwells. Women are in the workforce now.

I don't know the answer but think it's pretty sad. I have said hi to my neighbours and they run into the house like I swore at them. A lot of people are very secretive and I think maybe people do things they maybe wouldn't have done when societal standards were different ie weed in my neighbours case. We can smell it a mile away but have never commented. That's not to say that others haven't, hence, their anti-social stance.

Other neighbours, I think, know that they are discourteous with sound pollution etc and maybe fear being held to account.

Older people are very fearful and insular (unless they want to tell someone off for something then lose all shyness for a convenient minute) and younger people are working.

People live more distant lives.

I live in a village, I run around the village so am frequently out and about. I volunteer for the parish council and a reasonable proportion of the village know me. I've lived here 15 years.
My neighbour has lived here 8 years. She works 40 miles away, she drives everywhere, arrives home, goes inside and doesn't come out again. She has her groceries delivered, drives her son to a distant school, I don't think I've ever seen her in the local shops. She is never in her garden.

There is no opportunity to speak to her. I guess she likes her privacy.

I really try to chat to neighbors when I see them…but honestly our paths cross very infrequently. I work and one side doesn’t and they are late risers and not about much in the evening. The other side does work but have a different commute pattern to me so we aren’t often outside at the same time.
neither side use their garden (sadly) so can’t speak over the fence.

very recently I found out a neighbour over the road had been admitted to hospital because he had pneumonia and couldn’t go out shopping so just stopped eating! I felt absolutely awful. He’s elderly and never responded to my attempts to make conversation when we initially moved in.

In terms of physical barriers, a lot of back gardens used to have a low-built brick wall or a wire mesh fence, rather than the 6-foot fencing we have now. It meant neighbours would even say hello or chat when pegging out the washing. (Personally I couldn't be arsed with that and I'm happy with my high fencing!). Even front gardens were more 'open', with neighbours sometimes mowing each others front lawn whilst they had the mower out.

There were less cars parked on the street, people walked to the corner shop rather than getting straight into the car. Also less cars on the street meant the street was more open and neighbours opposite more visible, you could wander across to say hello but now roads are jam packed with cars so people just give a quick wave from afar.

Other neighbours, I think, know that they are discourteous with sound pollution etc and maybe fear being held to account.

This is exactly why neighbours hold back.
Held to account? For their children making noise?

Why do you assume I'm talking specifically about children?

When my children were young and I picked them up from school if they asked if a friend could come to play I was able to say yes and the other mum and children would pop in for a drink and a snack and the children would play for a while or a couple of mums would arrange to take a picnic type tea to the park after school- arranged in the morning and happened that same afternoon.
social activities were cheap and spontaneous

Our house was very obviously home to three children and there was not a lot of money to spare but the people we knew were in the same boat so it didn’t matter
I realise now that we were very lucky to be able to do that

now that I have grandchildren I notice that if they want to do something it is a “play date” organised sometimes weeks in advance - lots of their classmates will be in some form of wrap around care or at activities after school

adults are often working long hours to pay for houses that cost a fortune but that they spend very few hours in (apart from sleeping)
children seem to be spending less time in their own homes (wrap around care, school, pre booked activities)
No time for a “quick coffee and a chat”
life is very different now and it’s not always a good thing

As an adult, I’ve lived in five different houses. Where I live now, is more friendly than anywhere else I’ve lived. What is interesting is that my street is very multicultural. My neighbours on one side are Indian and on the other, from Iran. I am especially close to the Iranians. She is a midwife and very caring. When I had surgery for cancer she visited me in hospital. When I came home, she texted me every day to see what help I needed.

We have quite a few Muslim neighbours, a few Chinese families, a family from Japan, Polish, Greek, Italian, Afghanistan and a few English. It’s a brilliant community and everyone helps each other.

My DH died last year. Offers of help have been overwhelming.

Increased cost of living, so everyone working longer hours. Then no one has time or energy for chatting.

I don't want to go back to women being housewives, but I do think we've lost a lot with all adults working full time. I thonk we need to normalise part time work.

I think it's very much am extension of "I hate people" thread. Yes, everyone works "long hours" (not sure if 8h is considered long or just a normal working day, though) but our street is not deserted. I see my neighbours leaving for work in the morning roughly at the same time as me so it's easy enough to say hello. They are also home at the weekend so you can see them walking their dogs, clipping their hedges and what not.
I already know a woman who lives a couple of doors down from my new house which I haven't even bought yet. I came to view it and was outside waiting for EA and she was taking her dog out so we chatted. It's easy enough to do.

The time I see my neighbours the most is when I am doing the gardening out the front of my house. So many people walk past and comment and we have a chat. A lot of modern houses only have parking out the front now, so that opportunity is lost.

People have always been busy. There wasn't some halcyon time when ordinary people had a lot of leisure to chat randomly. Working class women have always worked. Both my grandmothers were cleaners. People connected because they needed to. Shops closed at 5.30 and all day Sunday, so if you ran out of something, you'd often borrow from a neighbour. People answered their doors, said Good Morning and Good Evening. There was less disposable income, so people helped each other a bit more, understanding that they'd get the same support.
You have to make an effort. Be proactive - I'm friends with all my neighbours because of this.

Exactly, so may expect a village around them but are doing nothing to be the village. People don’t know their neighbours because they expect everyone else to do the leg work. I’m lucky that we have a good community around us, but we collectively did the work the work to make that happen.

I live in a flat and one of the neighbours downstairs keeps her front door open then calls anyone who walks past a c##t so we steer clear as much as possible 🫤

Rise of the car means people now have more choice where they socialise and therefore who with. 2 car households were rare in the 60s and 70s, do if the man used it to get to work, women would be stuck within walking distance of home.

Our north London street is very friendly! We always say hello, have a WhatsApp group and borrow things from each other. Various ages, backgrounds etc.

It's loads of things:
TV then internet then phones
Change in work patterns
Moving more often and further
Change in family ties
Increased pressure on budgets and time
Increased freedom over lifestyle
Reduced church/local pub/local school attendance
etc etc etc

ETA: increased car ownership as mentioned by pp, plus negative impact of cars on streetscape

I think you my have a point about chatting on SM. I seem to have less tolerance for listening to people rambling on when on SM I can just close the thread down and go to another one I find more interesting.

Many people work from home. They have no commuting and can immediately switch work off. That's quite a change from the past and you'd think it would give more time to connect with neighbours.

Not sure why but it’s really changed where I am over the last decade. I live on a single track road with about 26 houses - a mix between old mill cottages and pre war bungalows. A low hedgerow ran along the front of each house. Very friendly lane, people stopped to chat, road leads to a country park so we get a lot of chatty walkers.

Over the past decade we’ve lost older residents who have died or gone into residential care. In every single case the house has been bought by a young couple and refurbed. Granted they needed TLC but all have ripped out the hedge and garden, set an imprinted drive, high fences and automatic gates. They apparently move here because it’s pretty and semi rural, but every time they refurb they make it a little less so. They don’t mix, we don’t know names, they don’t say hello.

@PauliesWalnuts - that's interesting, they want a good quality of life, but don't want to connect.